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How to Tell if She Really Loves You (or if She Just Likes the Idea of You)

How does your girlfriend score on the Real Love test?
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One of the biggest pains when it comes to love is that there are no guarantees that the other person feels as strongly as you do. This is especially true once you factor in some people’s deceptive nature, but even those with the best intentions can make mistakes sometimes. It’s almost as hard to admit you don’t love someone as it is to admit that you do.

Let’s face it: There’s just no way to know for sure.

Thankfully, there are some signs that might mean that she really does love you. But there are also some signs that she probably doesn’t. Take a look at this list and see how your relationship scores!


How does she act with her friends?

The woman who loves you will act the same way towards you as she does in front of her friends. This minor consistency can make a huge difference when you’re determining the nature of your relationship.

The woman who likes the idea of you will likely not act the same in front of her friends. She may build you up to impossible expectations, or she may downplay the relationship with them. If you don’t know anything about any of her friends, she probably isn’t in it for the right reasons.


How do the favors work?

The woman who loves you will go out of her way to do small favors for you sometimes. If you’re sick, she may bring you medicine. If you’re overworked, she may help clean up or give you a massage. The specifics aren’t very important, but she should make an effort to let you know she thinks of you throughout the day.

The woman who likes the idea of you will prefer that you do favors for her. She might bring you gifts if she thinks it will get her something in return, but otherwise, she waits for you to think of her. She thrives on your attention but might not give very much in return.


What does she do when you’re acting up?

The woman who loves you will be sure to let you know you’re wrong, but she’ll do it in a way that lets you know she wants you to get it right. The girl who loves you will motivate you to be a better person.

The woman who likes the idea of you might get amped up when you’re being ridiculous. She’ll call you on your wrongs, but she won’t explain things.


What happens if you don’t talk for a few hours?

The woman who loves you won’t mind if it’s been awhile since you’ve spoken. She’s confident in the strength of your relationship, and she trusts that you’re not doing anything she’d dislike. You can always catch up later.

The woman who likes the idea of you is afraid of you finding something better, so she’s insecure when you don’t check in regularly. If you don’t answer her texts or calls right away, she assumes the worst.


What if one of you misses the other?

The woman who loves you knows that, if she misses you, she should hit you up first. She won’t slam your phone full of messages, but she will let you know she’s thinking about you, and she’ll smile when you respond. You know that if you miss her, you can send her a quick message to tell her, and she’ll reply when she’s available.

The woman who likes the idea of you may play hard-to-get when you haven’t spoken in a while. You didn’t answer her texts for an hour, so she’s going to ignore yours for two hours. This is a childish game to play, and it speaks more like manipulation than love.


Does she know your schedule?

The woman who loves you will actually pay attention to the little details in your life, such as the fact that you’re going to be in a meeting for two hours this afternoon, or you’re having dinner with your family this Saturday. She also makes a point to let you know about her time commitments, because it helps you plan time together that doesn’t interfere with your other priorities.

The woman who likes the idea of you will expect you to be available to her at all times. She worries if you don’t respond to her messages while you’re working… Partially because she didn’t pay attention to the fact that you were working. She makes no effort to know your schedule, and she doesn’t care if you know hers.


How’s your personal space?

The woman who loves you will respect that you need your personal space sometimes. If you work at home, she will give you your space so you can work. If you’ve just had an argument, she will let you go into the other room to cool off. She understands the boundaries and does her best to not overstep them.

The woman who likes the idea of you will want to spend every possible minute together, and it may be difficult for you to calm yourself down after an argument because she follows you to continue fighting. She wants to hash this out as soon as possible, without allowing you both time to calm down and think things through first.


What do her apologies sound like?

The woman who loves you will apologize because she genuinely acknowledges that she was in the wrong, so her apologies are sincere and actually apologetic. She specifically mentions what she is sorry for and asks for another chance to do better.

The woman who likes the idea of you will not acknowledge that she is wrong. She may either refuse to apologize, or she will make it up – usually not giving details as to why she is apologizing. She doesn’t actually believe that she has done wrong, so she will make minimal effort (or none at all) to remedy the situation.


What do you do in the face of change?

The woman who loves you will support you if a big opportunity comes up, and if she’s not totally on board because of the extent of change required, she’ll try to work with you to find a compromise that works for both of you.

The woman who likes the idea of you will forbid you from following your dreams if they interfere with her plans. She may not consult you before making decisions in her own life that affects both of you.


How do you treat a difference of opinion?

The woman who loves you will respect your right to your own opinion, and she will encourage you to share it with her. She doesn’t push the issue. She lets you have your own thoughts, even when they don’t agree with hers.

The woman who likes the idea of you will try to convince you that she’s right and you’re wrong, even when it’s not something that should matter. This is because she has created this image of what you should be, and if you don’t match the outline she’s made, she is unhappy.


Does she judge your hobbies and fandoms?

The woman who loves you can see you completely geeking out on your favorite thing and she’ll still love you anyway. She might even love you more, because she sees you in a state of pure passion and bliss when you talk about the things you enjoy. She might not share your enthusiasm, but she won’t judge you for it.

The woman who likes the idea of you may openly ridicule your interests if they differ from hers. She’s unlikely to understand why these things bring you joy, and she will have no problems voicing her disapproval or disagreement.


Does she let you steal the covers?

The woman who loves you will want to see that you’re comfortable, even if it means she isn’t. She’ll let you sprawl out over the top of her, steal the covers, and even take the good pillows, because she knows you’d do the same for her.

The woman who likes the idea of you will want to stay in control over the bed, or she might not even want to share it outside of sexy time. She’s focused on her own comfort and couldn’t really care less about yours.


Does she share her food with you?

The woman who loves you will often save you the last bite of something, if it’s something you haven’t tried or something that you really enjoy. She may comment when you eat more off of her plate than you do off your own, but she’ll have no problem helping you finish yours, too.

The woman who likes the idea of you will tell you that, if you wanted it, you should have ordered it. She’s offended by the assumption that she wants your leftovers, and she’s certainly not going to be sharing her fork.


Does she kiss you?

The woman who loves you will kiss you in public (if you’re both out of the closet), but not to the point it makes people uncomfortable. She’ll hold your hand underneath the table, kiss you on the forehead when you wake up, and she’s probably even willing to kiss you after sex. She enjoys the affection of your lips pressed together and she’s not afraid to make it happen. Often.

The woman who likes the idea of you may withhold her kisses for seemingly petty reasons. If she’s out of the closet but refuses to kiss or hold your hand in public, for fear of being seen by a stranger, she might not really want to associate herself with you. If she won’t kiss you in private, either, you’ll likely wonder if she even likes you at all.


Does she say she loves you?

The woman who loves you will be comfortable with expressing her love for you, and she doesn’t hesitate to tell you as often as she thinks it. It may have been awkward the first time, but it has never been awkward or sounded insincere.

The woman who likes the idea of you said she loved you because “that’s what you do”, either because of the point you were at in your relationship or because you said it first and she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. And she will continue in this same manner, sharing “I love you too”-s but never venturing to say it first – because she doesn’t.


If more than half your answers said she loves you…

Your woman probably really loves you. She might slip up in a few areas, but generally you can count on her feelings for you. Nobody’s perfect, and if you bring up the issues you discovered, she will probably work to correct them. She sees the value in your relationship and she wants to make sure you two prosper together.

Make sure you continue to do right by her as well, because relationships work best when they are run like partnerships. Neither of you should be in control over the other, and neither of you should feel less important.


If more than half your answers said she just likes the idea of you…

If more than half of your answers pointed you toward breaking up, it might be helpful for you to re-take the test, considering your partner’s perspective. Be honest with yourself – or possibly have your partner evaluate the relationship on her own, and then compare the answers.

Not every relationship is meant for the long road, and that’s OK. If your own feelings aren’t very deep, there’s probably no harm in continuing the relationship to see where it goes. Sometimes, things can improve over time!

But if you’re in deep, healthy love with her and she obviously doesn’t feel the same way, it is best to split up, for your own sanity. It will likely hurt to walk away, but the pain is nothing compared to the pain you risk if you don’t walk away now.

Take care of yourselves, and each other!


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Author
Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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