Fetishes and fantasies are sort of an unspoken thing among people. Surely, there are as many fetishes as there are people – and they cover a wide variety of topics.
Usually, in order to be considered a “fetish”, it must involve sexual gratification linked to a particular item of clothing, part of the body, or a particular object not “traditionally” associated with sex, although it’s often expanded to include a number of things.
Often, when we think of these fetishes, we tend to write them off, thinking that they’re “weird”. However, if your partner has a particular fetish or fantasy – one that you can help to fulfill – it can be an incredibly intimate bonding activity if you choose to participate in it.
Here we will provide a brief description of the most common sexual fetishes, and what you can do to accommodate those fetishes if you’re not exactly keen on them yourself.
Sure, it can be a bit weird at first, but if you care about your partner it’s important that you realize that these simple actions can make a world of difference in their sexual satisfaction, and she’s sure to thank you for it.
Fetish #1: Group Sex and Swinging.
This particular fetish can be tough for some to accommodate, as it requires a great deal of trust among the partners.
However, for those who do choose to participate, it can be a bit exciting to watch your partner with someone else – and likewise have your partner watch you with someone else.
Many people who are actively aroused by this type of activity will require a polyamorous relationship, while others are satisfied with it as an occasional thing (think of a threesome).
If your partner wishes to participate in this and you are not willing, consider roleplaying as another person – this will allow your partner to “have sex outside the relationship” without the need for an outside person to be involved.
Fetish #2: Cross-dressing and gender bending.
This is a tricky situation, as it was once lumped into the same category as transgenderism – but the reality is that it’s not the same.
Cross-dressing refers to a sexual attraction to clothing items “forbidden”, or playing with the idea that they are sexually capable as the opposite gender.
Transgender, in contrast, refers to feeling that the body they were born into does not reflect who they are on the inside, and is typically not a sexual thing.
This is a very easy fetish to accommodate, as it doesn’t really require any effort on your part – simply allow your partner to convey herself as she would like to for your sexual activity.
This may mean that she chooses to believe that a strap-on is actually a part of herself, rather than a sex toy – go with it! It might cause some confusion for you, but if you truly care about your partner, you should love her and respect her wishes.
It may become apparent that her desire to gender-bend is actually based in transgenderism; in this case, you may find yourselves discussing the possibility of transitioning.
You should be able to decide whether you are comfortable with the idea of your girlfriend becoming your “boyfriend”, and whether you would be accepting of this change if it should come about.
Fetish #3: Water sports.
This is an especially tricky situation for those who don’t feel the same way. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, “water sports” actually has nothing to do with water – it is a sexual arousal to urine, and it’s more common than you might think.
Many times the person with this fetish may be aroused by the idea of wetting themselves or watching someone else to wet themselves, or being urinated on (often referred to as a “golden shower”).
However, if you are unwilling to participate in these activities, it may also be arousing to your partner if you agree to allow her to watch you using the restroom, or possibly even urinating in public (or watching her do so).
Fetish #4: Foot worship.
This refers to a sexual attraction to either feet, shoes, or stockings of some sort – and for many, the idea of sexualizing feet can be strange at first.
However, if your partner has a sexual attraction to feet, it’s important that you do what you can to accommodate this attraction. Many foot fetishists are attracted to the idea of kissing and sucking on feet, although that’s not necessarily all that it entails.
For those who are less willing to accommodate, you might consider wearing heels during your sexual activities, and allowing your partner to rub on them.
This can be infinitely rewarding to her without forcing you too far out of your comfort zone.
Fetish #5: Spanking.
Whether your partner enjoys spanking you or being spanked herself, this is actually pretty easy to understand.
The place where the bum meets the top of the thigh is an erogenous zone for many people, even if they don’t really associate it with spanking – and therefore, the right amount of pressure to this area can provide a great deal of arousal.
Aside from that, it can bring us back to feelings of childhood, and the person doing the spanking is seen as taking control. If you’re into domination, it’s particularly rewarding.
If you’re not sure if you’re interested in being spanked yourself, you may consider instead spanking your partner – often this desire can go both ways.
Likewise, you may choose to allow your partner to spank you, but with open communication – so that you can tell your partner when she’s spanking you too hard.
Fetish #6: Voyeurism and exhibitionism.
This deals with the desire to either watch sexual activities or show off your body in order to achieve sexual gratification. While technically these types of activities are illegal, that doesn’t mean that they don’t happen.
The appeal of having sex in public is strong for those with exhibitionist tendencies, while those who are interested in voyeurism can often be placated by pornography.
A fun way to compromise on this fetish would be to allow your partner to film you while you have sex – this way you won’t be breaking any laws, but your partner is free to watch you at her pleasure, while limiting the need for her to seek outside pleasures.
Consider allowing her to film you playing with yourself as well – you might even find that you enjoy it!
Fetish #7: Rubber, latex, and leather.
This deals with either an attraction to the tight material and the way it hugs the body (effectively forming a sort of bondage), or possibly the smell of the materials. Either way, this can be a bit tricky to work around if you’re not interested in it, as the tight material can be a bit much for some people.
However, that’s not to say that you should ignore it completely. If your partner is attracted to the smell of the materials, it’s possible that you can compromise by either playing with a small amount of body latex paint – applied to areas that you don’t feel constricted by – or by leather handcuffs or similar restraint devices.
Fetish #8: Sexual role-playing.
This is definitely one of the most common fetishes, but it can be met with a bit of opposition from those who think of it as “pretending”. In all actuality, this is exactly what it is.
Pretending to be someone you’re not in order to please your partner’s sexual fantasies can seem like a personal rejection, but it’s important to realize that’s not it at all. In fact, if your partner actually wished to reject you, she would be seeking out whoever this fantasy person was, rather than asking you to participate, and your refusal to do so can be just as much of a rejection to her.
There are many simple ways to indulge this fantasy, including dressing in costumes for your sexual play – although more advanced methods may involve costumes, props, and specialized locations. It’s up to you to determine how much of this fantasy you wish to participate in.
Fetish #9: Infantilism.
Infantilism refers to the fetish of an adult who wishes to be treated like a baby for sexual pleasure. Often, this fetish stems on the need to be nurtured, as well as an escape from the stresses and responsibilities of adult life.
They may choose to wear a diaper, to be fed from a bottle (or nurse from the nipples of their partners), and even baby talk.
Understandably, it can be a bit weird for those who don’t share in the fetish – but that’s not to say that you can’t still be accommodating.
If your partner wishes to be treated like a baby, but you’re less than eager, consider compromising on which aspects to participate in – for example, allow her to “nurse” on you, and call her pet names that refer to her childlike desires.
Fetish #10: Domination and submission.
By far the most common fetish is that of bondage, which can take on a great number of forms. In its simplest, this may refer to one partner being in control while the other partner is in a position of vulnerability.
This may include restraints, administration of physical pain, or many other aspects – the specific nature of this arrangement are up to the participants. Consider starting slow, as this can often be an experience of indulgence for both partners, but only when great care is exercised.
It seems that the dominant partner would be the one with all the control, but in reality the submissive partner is the one in charge of calling the shots. If there’s not absolute consent between the partners, it’s not bondage – it’s sexual abuse.
This list is in no way inclusive of all sexual fetishes, but it may help to understand the most common ones. I invite you to have an open discussion with your partner about any fantasies she may not be sharing with you.
Often, she may be repressing these fantasies out of fear of pushing you away – and it’s important that you reassure her that this is not the case.
If you love her, you owe it to her to explore her fantasies before writing them off completely.
Who knows? You may even enjoy them and not even realize it!