Have you ever had one of those life-altering, magical relationships that make you wonder why every other person you’ve been with was all wrong? In some cases, it’s probably how some of us came to realize that we were interested in women. I’m a firm believer that every relationship should have “some magic” in it, although the extent of that magic is certain to vary. But what happens if everything seems magical?
If your new relationship is so vastly different than your previous relationships (in a good way!) you are likely to think about at least some of the following things:
When she buys you gifts…
I have had exactly one relationship in my entire life where I was spoiled with gifts. I’ll admit, my very first thought was, “How is she even making this extra money?” And that’s a little sad, if the first thing you think when your partner gets you a gift is how did they make the money. In time, my partner and I sorted it out, but because I had never been spoiled (financially) before I jumped to the conclusion that she might be doing something unsavory to get the cash.
The next question (or, ideally, the first question) should be, why is she buying me gifts? This might seem a bit brash, but allow me to explain. Some people are incapable of expressing their love without a price tag, and you’ll need to evaluate if that’s the motivation here. However, in most cases, the person will be buying you gifts simply because they saw something they thought you might like. These gifts are good, as long as they don’t make you feel uncomfortable.
When she cooks for you…
If you’ve never had a previous girlfriend cook for you (or you did, but she did it grudgingly) it can be a strange feeling when your new boo surprises you with her signature dish. Most likely, she’s doing it to impress you with her culinary skills – which there’s nothing wrong with, as long as the person seeking to impress you is actually the person who made the food.
(Yes, I’ve had dates try to pass off food that they bought, or food that their parents/siblings/etc. made, as their own cooking. It was still sort of impressive, but more from a manipulative standpoint.)
If your partner isn’t trying to impress you, but rather just make sure you’re fed – cooking for each other is a wonderful bonding experience, and I highly recommend that the both of you cook for each other when you have the chance. It should go both ways!
When she’s talented…
It’s been under debate lately on whether talent is “inherent” or if it’s “learned”. I tend to lean towards the latter. If your girlfriend seems especially talented in a particular area, no matter what area that is, it displays that she has practiced. Sometimes this practice is deliberate, meaning she specifically challenges herself, and other times it just happens – she likes something, so she does it a lot, and she gets better at it over time.
It doesn’t really matter what method your lover uses to practice her talents, and in many ways it doesn’t matter what her talents are, either. When you get with someone who seems super talented, after quite some time pursuing women who… Well, aren’t… It’s quite an adjustment. I once found myself making a reasonably big deal about my “artistic talent” (that is to say that I took an art class in high school and kept a few of my better works), only to find out that the woman I was with was basically a legend. That’s embarrassing!
Usually, talents aren’t anything that could be due to something else. Of course, if your partner seems to be really talented in the bedroom, you might be curious as to where she got her “experience” – but if it came before you, it’s not really your concern. Whether she slept with one woman before you or a hundred, all that should matter to you is how many women she sleeps with while you’re with her.
When she’s absolutely gorgeous…
I’m not sure about you guys, but I’m always a little skeptical of any woman who’s interested in me who I feel is “out of my league” in terms of her appearance. The truth is, for many women, physical appearance just isn’t a factor. Usually, this is good, because an impressive appearance comes with the assumption that the person is self-absorbed. Of course, this is usually an unfair assumption, but we often can’t stop ourselves from making it.
If you feel that your girlfriend is “too attractive” to be with you, it’s important that you realize the problem isn’t within her (usually). There are some situations in which malicious intent could cause someone to date someone less attractive than themselves, but usually it’s just a matter of she sees you for more than you see yourself.
We are our own harshest critic, after all, and chances are you don’t think as highly of yourself as an outsider would. Of course, there are exceptions to this, and some people naturally have a high level of self-confidence. But for the rest of us, having a partner who is “out of our league” can cause a walking paradox. Our confidence rises because we “won” someone so gorgeous – but it falls because we feel that we’re “the less attractive one” in the relationship.
The easiest way to get past this question is to remember that no two people have exactly the same “type”. Just because you don’t think you’re as attractive as your girlfriend doesn’t mean she agrees. And in the cases where she does agree, chances are, if she’s with you – she doesn’t mind.
When she’s successful…
If you haven’t yet hit your success in life, it can be difficult on your self-confidence to date someone who has. However, that initial self-doubt you may have about the relationship should be used to motivate you, rather than to intimidate you.
If a highly successful woman is dating someone less successful, she probably sees potential in you. Of course, this isn’t inherently true; some women really only care about their own success, and don’t mind “carrying” someone who is less successful. But if you’re feeling self-conscious about the fact that your girlfriend is more successful than you are, use that as inspiration to do better in your own life. It’s never too late to reach for your dreams!
When she treats you better than anyone else has…
Most of the time, in a relationship, we will treat our partners in a way that “aligns” with how we want the relationship to go. This means that partners who treat their partner well are generally expecting the favor to be returned, and those who treat a partner badly generally feel that they “deserve” to be catered to. (I’m only speaking from personal experience right now.)
If your partner treats you well, and you’ve never been treated well before, you may have an association that you don’t “deserve” the good treatment. This is because our past relationships are ingrained into our memories, and every time a partner tells us anything, it has a chance of “sticking”. If those things are mostly negative, we may begin to feel negative about ourselves after a while, and likewise if a partner tells us enough positive things, we may begin to feel positive about ourselves.
For the most part, if your partner is actually treating you well, all you should do in response is make sure that you do right by her, as well. Of course, it’s always a good idea to treat your partner well, but that’s particularly true if she makes you feel that you are worthy of so much more than you’ve ever had.
So, what do you do?
When your partner seems too good to be true, it’s a good idea to determine if they really are good to you or if they’re just playing to your insecurities. Most of the time, a girlfriend who seems good is actually good, and the only thing you need to do is treat her right in return!
If you find that your partner is just playing to your insecurities and using her “goodness” to be manipulative towards you, you may decide to speak about how you feel. Sometimes, it’s unintentional, and speaking to her may be enough to fix any problems. If she isn’t able to change her manipulative behavior, it’s best if you move on for your own happiness.
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