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Q: Total Bridezilla – My Best Friend’s Fiancée is Killing Our Friendship
I love my best friend, and I was thrilled when she asked me to help her and her fiancé plan their wedding, but her wife-to-be is a total bridezilla and it’s straining my relationship with my friend.
What do I do?
A: This can be a tough situation to be in. It can be really hard for someone to choose between their friends and their relationships sometimes, and this is especially true when it comes to the subject of weddings. After all, weddings are a time of love – and for some people, this can turn into a bit of a competition.
I don’t know very many details about your situation, so I’ll outline the basics as best as I can. Each is to be considered a unique option – for the most part, you won’t really need to use more than one tactic. Of course, use your best discretion based on the more specific information.
Can you back out of the planning process?
We often think of wedding parties as being finalized – but the truth is, they can be changed at any time. It’s not like you are under contract. Your friend might be a little hurt that you no longer want to help, but most likely she knows about her wife-to-be’s ways and will understand (even if it takes some time).
Can you talk to your best friend about it?
If you don’t think your best friend realizes how crazy her lady is being, maybe you can find a way to politely bring it to her attention. For example, instead of presenting it how you said it to me, try instead “Wife’s name is being a bit demanding on ____, do you think you could talk to her about it?” Sometimes this means that you’re asking her to curtail the bad behavior, but really what you’re looking for is a solution – the solution might be that your friend negotiates with her future wife on your behalf.
Can you deal with it?
Sometimes, in cases where someone thinks a bride is being a bridezilla, it’s a simple misunderstanding – the wedding guests feel that they should have more say than they do. I don’t know what your situation entails, but if you think she’s being unreasonable based on things that are her own preference (such as she has to have the exact right dress, or she has to have this special cake, or a magical venue)… Well, I’m sorry, but the problem could be you. If it’s something that she deeply cares about, suck it up!
Can you negotiate?
If you don’t want to quit your planning position completely, but you feel that the bride is demanding too much of your time, you have absolutely every right to speak up about it. After all, just like I said in the first option – this isn’t a job, it’s not a contract, the only person who has to plan the wedding is the couple getting married. Negotiate with her on an amount of time that you’re comfortable putting into the planning process, and go from there. She might not be happy about it, but she has no right to be demanding with you and you should stick up for yourself.
Keep in mind that this also applies to money spent – if the brides are not paying for the wedding expenses themselves, they must be flexible, or you have the right to walk away.