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My Best Friend Uses Hook-Up Apps To Find Sex | We Answer Your Questions

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We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please get in touch.

Q: My Best Friend Uses Hook-Up Apps To Find Sex

Dear KitschMix,

I hate the fact that my best friend uses hook-up apps to find sex. She’s 32 and claims that she’s looking for a meaningful relationship, but all I ever see her do is fiddle with her phone and shoot out for loveless encounters.

I tell her that she’s being tacky. She counters that I don’t understand how the dating world works these days. I care for her very much and worry about her sexual health and safety. She was badly hurt by her ex girlfriend last year and now I fear she’s vulnerable. How do I protect her?

A: It’s your best friend’s choice to use hook-up apps if she likes – she is an adult, after all, and capable of making her own decisions. For you to call her “tacky” for the way she chooses to run her love life is, in my opinion, a bit tacky in itself.

She is right about the dating world, though. Most people look online to find someone. Not that there aren’t other ways to meet people, too, just that most people use their phones for everything anymore. I met my girlfriend on Facebook, completely by accident – and things are fine here.

I understand your concerns for her safety, but there are other ways you can show this concern than by attacking a choice she’s making with her life. Instead of telling her she’s being tacky, consider talking to her about safer sex, and discuss getting some type of personal protective device (pepper spray, pocket knife, etc. – check your local laws first).If you are actually concerned with her safety, why would you start with anything else?

I do get where you’re coming from, Reader. The online dating world can be a scary place, and sometimes it really is dangerous. She might be going about her search for “the one” the wrong way, but that’s not your decision to make. Sometimes we need to take the “easy way” for awhile. Eventually we’ll get bored of it and allow love to find us – but you can’t force her to take this step.


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Barbara is a 26-year-old lesbian living in California with her partner (and their “fur babies” - an adorably chubby puppy named Porkchop and a ball python named Ru). In the spare time she pretends to have, she enjoys horror movies, music of all varieties, reading, and complaining about the weather.

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