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Q: My friends won’t accept my girlfriend
My new partner is tricky and challenging, but I like that in a woman. Our sex life is edgy because I never know what she’s going to do next. Unfortunately, none of my circle of friend (gay and straight) don’t like her. I tell them that she makes me happy, but they accuse her of being rude to them, and of isolating to me from them as well.
Now my best friend is refusing to invite her to her wedding and I’m angry. Why can’t people simply live and let live?
A: Reader, I get the impression from your letter that this is a vast majority of your friends who are saying these things. Do you think there might be some truth in them? I’m asking because that makes a huge difference in how you proceed from here.
If you think that the friends are making these things up, and are possibly jealous of your relationship (whatever the exact situation may be), maybe these aren’t friends you need in your life. My current girlfriend, for example; some people tried to tell her things about me that were obviously untrue – but they seem to have been made up of the same components.
If it’s a bunch of friends with one or two complaints each, there’s a chance that they’re just not as good of friends as you think they are. Sometimes our friends change over time, and that’s ok.
However, if a number of your friends are saying the same thing, and there could be some truth to them – this is something you should bring up to your partner.
You’ll have to address the issues individually and see which your partner is willing to work on, and which your friends are being unreasonable about. In the end, it’s not your friends’ job to love your partner – it’s yours.
If your girlfriend is ok with you staying friends with them, separate from her, there’s nothing wrong with that!
Basically, you have to decide which relationship means more to you, and figure out how you can work with that. If you truly can’t decide between them, it’s best to offer the compromise.
Tell your friends that you won’t bring your girlfriend around, but that you don’t want to hear the negative things about her anymore.
Tell your girlfriend that you would like to keep your friends, but you don’t expect her to change who she is in order to suit their demands.
Best of luck!