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Q: My Best Friend’s Ex Wants To Hang Out With Me?
My best friend split up with her ex a year ago and has moved on. But since then her ex and me keep running into each other. I really get on well with her, and want to grow the friendship – maybe even a little more.
But I also know she cheated on my ex, and really messed her around. What should I do? My other friend says to stay clear, but I can’t. We get on really well, and I know there is an attraction between us both. I can feel it.
What would you do? I don’t want to end up the bad guy, or a fool.
A: Personally, I’m friends with a few of my friends’ exes – but never anything more. Whether your friend still has feelings for her or not is a bit of a side note in my opinion; I have a philosophy to not “share” with family members – and I consider my best friends to be a part of my family.
You have been warned to stay clear of this ex, and you know that she has cheated and destroyed the relationship with the ex. It’s true that there are two sides to every story, but by the same token there are a few possible outcomes of this scenario:
- Your friend is wrong, and your relationship with her ex goes without problems – but your friendship with your best friend is strained because you went against her urging.
- Your friend is right, and this girl does you dirty like she did to your best friend – and you can’t really turn to your best friend for consolation because, well, she warned you fairly.
- You don’t pursue anything, and possibly stop talking to this girl – and you always wonder what could have been, but no one actually gets hurt.
You need to think strongly about which possibilities you’re willing to accept here. Nobody can really make that choice for you – but I recommend you don’t bother with this ex.
Does she know that you’re her ex’s best friend? Does she encourage the attraction? Are you even sure she feels the same way – or is there a possibility that she’s just trying to make your friend jealous in an attempt to get back with her?
In some cases, women may be intentionally manipulative in order to get what they want. We see it as a character flaw in others, but a strategy when we identify it within ourselves. This scenario has the possibility to be exactly that, and I would hate to know that you had been hurt by manipulation like that.
However, if you’re sure that things would be different with you, and you are willing to take the chance that you’re wrong, and you honestly think that you can (or maybe even do) love her… Sometimes relationships fail because the people were just wrong for each other. That doesn’t mean they can’t be right for someone else.