It’s a joyous time for the happy couple when you’re expecting a child, whether you or your partner are having the baby naturally or adopting. But even in this ever-evolving world where the acceptance of “less” traditional families is slowing catching up with the times, there’s still most likely going to be that one person that has to ask the expectant mothers one or more of those clichéd lesbian parenting questions. Here’s a look at some of those questions you should avoid asking a lesbian mother…
Who’s the Dad?
Why should this question even come up? You wouldn’t ask a pregnant straight woman who the father is, nor would you ask an adoptive parent who the dad is. So why be insensitive and ask a lesbian couple that question? If you want it put simply…there is no dad. But there are two very loving moms who have gladly taken both the role of mother and father, if that’s how you chose to look at it.
Who is the Biological Mother?
Even if you know the situation surrounding the pregnancy or adoption, this is not an okay thing to ask. Perhaps one in the relationship carried the child and gave birth, perhaps they had a surrogate, or perhaps there was an adoption. None of this matters, however, because asking who the biological mother is tends to imply that whomever gave birth to the child is more of a mother than the other partner.
Where Did You Get the Sperm?
Even if you know the lesbian couple well, this is a bit of a touchy and insensitive question to ask…unless they are very open about the topic. Otherwise it’s a very private thing and truly nobody’s business where the donor came from.
Won’t the Child Miss Out By Not Having a Father Figure?
This question suggests that two women are not capable of providing for the needs of their child the way a man could. It implies inferiority and is definitely not an acceptable question to ask a lesbian couple. It comes with the assumption that they aren’t capable of teaching their children “masculine” things like sports, for example.
What if Your Child Gets Bullied Because He or She Has Gay Parents?
Kids are going to be bullied no matter what their background is. Whether it’s because they are poor, a different race, gay themselves…the list can go on and on. So should a mixed race couple not have children because they could get bullied? What about a low-income family who can’t afford fancy clothes for their child?
The same goes for a child raised by a gay couple, so it’s pretty simple-minded to think only children from a gay household would get bullied.