Have you been having doubts about how good your relationship really is? It might seem like you’re near the end of your rope, but in most cases, it’s normal to have some doubts. Why do you think so many people get “cold feet” on their wedding days? Humans are full of anxiety and FOMO and self-doubt. It sucks, but it’s in our nature.
If you want to see if your doubts are really something to be concerned about, read through our list of 12 good signs in your relationship. As long as your relationship has most of these things, you’re probably not so bad for each other.
You feel like you deserve each other.
You are worthy of everything you agree to – whether that’s good or bad. If you feel like you and your partner deserve to be in each other’s lives, chances are good that you do (in one way or another). That’s not necessarily a good thing, but when it goes hand-in-hand with other, more wonderful-on-their-own things, it’s an incredible feeling.
This one can be really hard for people who have been treated less-than-human by previous partners, but it’s true: You deserve the love, romance, and sex that you want in life. Even if you’ve never had it before. Even if you’ve had it in every relationship you’ve had. No matter what, you deserve to have the things you want.
If you don’t feel like you deserve each other, things might be a little more complicated. Doubts are self-fulfilling prophecies, if left alone, but confidence can be, too. Make sure you’re putting the right positive attention into your relationship, and don’t worry about whether other people think you’re good enough for each other.
Life, in general, is good.
We tend to overlook the ways that the areas of our lives intersect, but for some reason, when you’re happier in one area of your life, you’re happier in the other areas of your life, too. Practicing gratitude and showing appreciation for the things that others do for you can help. The happiest people are also able to give to others, without expecting anything in return.
When you’re happy with the rest of your life, you can really see whether your partner complements that happy life or not. After all, if your entire life is a mystery or a disaster, how do you know if your partner is still going to be right for you once you get your life together?
All too often, people think that an amazing relationship can fix a sad life. It can’t. In fact, negative thinking has a way of working its way into seemingly unrelated areas of our lives. First, worry about your own happiness and positivity – and then figure out how someone else fits into the equation.
You are equal partners.
Equality is the cornerstone of a happy, healthy relationship, and couples who don’t treat each other like teammates aren’t setting themselves up for happiness. Unequal relationships result in resentment, romantic friction, and hurt feelings all around. The happiest couples are the ones who learn how to share responsibility, love, and effort equally.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is split 50-50, though – even though it might sound like it is. Everyone has a particular dynamic that works better for them. In my relationship, I work more and my partner cleans more, and that works for us – but you’ll need to find an arrangement that works for you.
Being equal partners means respecting each other’s opinions, even when they don’t make sense to you. What would you want her to do if the situation was reversed? She’s not your child, and she’s not your parent. She’s your partner. Your teammate. Your lover. Treat her accordingly!
You learn new things together on a regular basis.
Curiosity is one of the purest joys in life, and the ability to take in new information is coded into our pleasure center. (Probably. I’ve never actually seen a study about this, but I know I feel happy when I learn something new.) It sounds cheesy, but knowledge really is power, and people with a love for learning are naturally happier.
But what if you don’t have a passion for learning new things? The idea of taking a class “for fun” doesn’t really sound appealing to most of us. Rest assured, though, your “learning” doesn’t have to be anything formal – even a weekly YouTube tutorial counts as “learning.” And, if you’re doing it with someone you love, it kinda feels more like a date, doesn’t it?
Learning something that you’re really interested in, and learning it with someone you’re really interested in, gives you an excuse to practice and study – and it helps you retain the information better, because you’re more engaged. Why not take a leap and try learning something new?
You take your health (and hers) seriously.
Your health is super important, but most of us don’t give it the attention it deserves. Healthy food isn’t that good, and good food isn’t that healthy, am I right? Of course, health is about more than what you eat – working out (which is a drag for many people – myself included), your sexual health, and your mental health are all super important, too.
No matter where you’re at in your personal health journey, you owe it to yourselves to talk about your goals with each other. It helps give you someone to stay accountable to, no matter how uncomfortable that accountability might be for you. It gives you someone to cheer you on when things get rough, and it gives you someone to reach for your goals right with you (if your goals are similar, that is.)
You don’t need to be marathon runners or professional athletes. You don’t need to become psychological professionals. You don’t need your own personal nutritionist or a personal trainer or even a scale, if you don’t want. Just set some achievable goals, and work together to make them happen.
You both strive to be the best versions of yourself.
I firmly believe that we’re all good people, somewhere on the inside. We all want to be good people, and we’ll generally do whatever we can to be that person. We’re human, though, so we screw it up sometimes.
That doesn’t mean we stop trying, though – healthy relationships mean that we own up to our mistakes and work toward improving things. You and your partner should understand the idea of forgiveness, and understand the difference between “a mistake” and a “bad habit.”
This desire to better yourself shouldn’t stop with just your relationship, though – life requires constant change, and if you’re not trying to be a better person, you’re settling for less than you deserve. The happiest partners don’t neglect the other areas in their lives – they just motivate each other to be the most balanced, amazing people they can possibly be.
She’s not your sun and sky.
Most romantic movies shove the idea of “immersive love” down our throats. Real love doesn’t work like that, though – once the initial infatuation falls away, it becomes clear that she’s really not everything. You did fine before her, and you will go on without her if you need to. She should complement your life, not complete it.
It’s unhealthy to invest everything you have into a single thing, whether that’s a person, a job, or even a passion you have. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and tomorrow isn’t promised – but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the time you do have. Happy couples aren’t fixated on “quality time” or “future plans,” as important as those things are, because they know that the little things are sometimes secretly the big things.
On the rough days, it might seem like she’s your whole world. But once the good times come back around (and they will), you’ll remember that you are your own world – she just happens to make it a little better.
You find each other attractive.
It might seem really, really shallow, but you need to find your partner attractive. Trust me. It makes a difference. It definitely shouldn’t be the only reason you’re together, but if you don’t think she looks good, the rest of the things that go along with a happy relationship are going to be a lot harder. (I swear, I know how this sounds, but it’s actually science.)
Does that mean that you have to be dressed up for each other every day? No. Does it mean that they have to love every outfit you own? Absolutely not. But a happy relationship revolves around attraction on a physical and emotional level. If it’s not there, the relationship isn’t, either.
It’s also important that you see your own beauty, because your self-image is so important to your overall confidence. If you’re not confident, you’re not happy – and we’re aiming for happy here, right? We all struggle some days, and having a partner who thinks you’re sexy however you are today can definitely ease the pain of a bad hair day.
Money isn’t really that big of a deal.
Most people give money more attention than it really deserves. (I’d like to pretend I’ve never fallen into that trap, but I have – so, so many times.) It’s hard to remember that money is really such a small portion of our lives, especially when we’re struggling to make ends meet… But, in the grand scheme of things, money really is just money.
Don’t get me wrong – paying your bills is important, and if you’re not able to do that, it can put a tremendous amount of stress on your life. Especially if you’re also trying hard to make a less-than-great relationship work out, too. But I can almost guarantee that you’ll have a better time fixing the issue if you focus on one. Is money really that important now? It probably never was.
When finances start to cause tension in the relationship, it might be tempting to fight and argue about it – but that’s not going to fix your problems. Take some time to calm down, and cut back in as many non-essential places as you can stand to. Then, you can approach the issue with less stress and a more level head. Your chances for a resolution are much better that way.
You’re stable, or at least working towards stability.
Life is a roller coaster, but your relationship shouldn’t be. You deserve a relationship that makes you happy, at least most of the time. That happiness doesn’t need to be an exciting fantasy every single day – it really is ok to take it slow sometimes.
“Comfortable” doesn’t have to mean “boring,” and the happiest couples know how to appreciate the comforts that their relationships offer. It’s not a yelling match or an all-day sex-fest. It’s a relationship, and that means that things can be a bit dull sometimes.
Just remember: Even celebrities have low-key, laid-back days sometimes. Do you think your life is more exciting than Ruby Rose’s life? I don’t think so.
The idea of abuse and manipulation are out of the question.
I’d like to think that everyone has a built-in filter that says that emotional, sexual, and physical abuse aren’t okay. Unfortunately, that’s not true – there are some people out there who think that’s all there is. People in abusive relationships might think that sticking around just shows how much they care, but it’s necessary that you care about yourself, first and foremost. You deserve so much better, and the right partner for you agrees.
No one deserves to be treated like they’re nothing. It doesn’t matter what you’ve ever done, or what you’ve ever thought about, or anything that could possibly make a difference here – abuse is abuse. A partner who truly cares about you would never say that something you did caused them to abuse you.
Let me say it one more time: There is no excuse for sexual, emotional, or physical violence within a relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was “provoked” – the right partner for you would never think it was okay to treat you that way.
You feel like it’s secretly perfect.
In the end, only you really know whether something is right for you or not – so how do you feel? Take some time to think about your relationship and how it affects your life. Does your partner bring you joy? Do you bring joy into her life, too? If you do, congratulations – your relationship is secretly amazing.