Often, when we think of our relationships, we like to pretend that we’re 100% honest, but the truth is that might not be the case. Even with the best intentions, there are things that slip through sometimes.
These little lies don’t mean much on their own, but the truth is they add up over time and can lead to lying about serious things (like how we feel about our relationship as a whole).
Read on to find out the most common “white lies” and what’s wrong with them.
13. I’m fine.
This one is pretty innocent, and it’s said with good intentions. When we don’t want to burden our partners with what’s on our mind, we tend to tell them we’re fine when they ask, even if this isn’t the case. This can be bad because, usually, if your partner is asking what’s wrong, it’s because she can already tell there’s something bothering you – so she’ll know you’re lying when you say you’re fine.
12. You look great in that!
When we say this, we’re usually trying to be nice, and if you care about someone you might think it’s best to stay nice at all times. But the truth is, your partner values your opinion, and will probably feel rather embarrassed if she takes your word on this one and it turns out you weren’t being truthful – and someone who values less about her feelings tells her.
11. No, I’m not mad.
This goes along with #13, but in a slightly different way. You might try to pretend that you’re not mad, but you shouldn’t hide your feelings. While you think you’re avoiding a fight, some things are actually worth arguing about – saying you’re not mad when there’s something huge on your mind isn’t saving you any trouble, it’s just bottling it up.
10. Any lie, about any friends, ever.
If one of your friends has feelings for you, it’s best to let your partner know. She might not think that you should hang around with that friend anymore, but maybe you can compromise – you guys hang out together.
If you’ve got nothing to hide (and your partner is reasonable) it should be a fair negotiation.
Otherwise, you’ll have to think about which relationship means more to you: Your friendship, or your love.
9. No, I love your parents!
Nowhere in the world does it say that you have to love your in-laws. If you do, that’s great! But if not, you should still be respectful toward them… Within reason. If they are rude to you, at some point you may need to stand up for yourself. But if you value this relationship with your partner, you should be able to tell her that her parents treat you badly – don’t pretend to love them when you really can’t stand being around them.
Most likely, your partner will help to diffuse the situation in order to make your relationship with her parents a little more favorable.
8. I don’t care where we go out to eat.
Ladies… You know this isn’t true. It’s never true. If you say you don’t care where you go, but your partner’s first five choices are out of the question, it’s obvious that you had something particular in mind – just come out and say it!
7. No, I’ve never even talked to that girl before!
If you lie about knowing someone, or talking to them, and then your partner finds out later that you lied – well, she’s understandably going to be upset. If you don’t have anything to hide, you should be open about it. If you aren’t upfront and honest – no matter what the reason and what actual level of guilt is there – she could be incredibly hurt when the truth comes out.
6. Any lies about money… Period.
If you’re broke, your partner should care enough about you to look past it. If you’re rich, well – 3. leaving this information out is basically assuming that your partner is a gold-digger. (If it’s definitely true, then by all means, keep your value to yourself. This article isn’t for you.) And lying about what you spend your money on is just misleading – no matter what reasons you have!
If your relationship is still new, you don’t have to share everything, of course – but don’t make things up. (And if by chance you’ve been together long enough that it shouldn’t be a secret, she’s most likely going to find out about the lie, anyway.)
5. Oh, of course we have the same life goals!
It’s great if you and your partner have similar long-term goals, but that’s not always the case, and you shouldn’t sacrifice your dreams in order to make your partner happy. Any partner that would want you to isn’t worth your time.
Most life goals are compatible with one another, but if yours truly aren’t – such as she wants 10 kids and you don’t want any – maybe it’s best if you go your separate ways.
4. Pretending you don’t live with your parents, if you do.
There’s no shame in living with your parents – most cultures actually value the family unit staying together. But if your partner is from a culture that doesn’t (or, you’re staying with your parents for a different reason), you should be able to share that information. It’s not fair to anyone involved if you try and pretend it’s something it’s not.
3. No, honey, you’re my one and only.
Look, I get it – not everyone is good at monogamy. That’s not automatically a bad thing, because there are plenty of people who aren’t good at it. However, you shouldn’t be with someone who requires it if you can’t provide it. I have personally been in monogamous relationships and non-monogamous relationships, and I can say, the circumstances surrounding each are different.
But both parties should be able to weigh in on whether it’s something they can handle – and if you lie about it, you’re taking away her ability to make the decision for herself.
2. Pretending not to be allergic to something… if you are
I’ve put a little thought into this one, because I happen to be allergic to peanuts (among a few other things). While allergies can be a bit embarrassing sometimes, and a mild allergy can be mostly irritating, it’s important to realize that allergies have the potential to worsen over time.
I had an ex that I never told I was allergic to peanuts, so that I could sneak in some peanut butter every now and then. When I just got hives, it was no big deal – until the one time I sneaked a PowerBar and ended up in the hospital.
Not only did I end up having a severe reaction and wind up in the hospital, but my girlfriend found out and berated me for lying for the past year and a half. Whoops.
1. Just basically, stop lying to your partner… Period!
Honestly, what good is there in lying to your partner? If you can’t be truthful with her, the relationship is probably not a good fit. And why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you couldn’t have mutual trust and honesty with, anyway? Either they’ll be hurt when they find out that you’ve been lying, or they’re lying too. Either way, the end result is not good.
Well, can you think of any specifics that we’ve left off this list, or things that shouldn’t make a big difference? Let us know in the comments section!