fbpx

15 Signs Your Teenage Daughter Might Be a Lesbian

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp
Share on email

With the increasing “cool-ness” of the lesbian community, it makes sense that you might be worried that your daughter could be joining the ranks.

After all, we all know that lesbians have a main mission to convert all the “good girls” into fellow lesbians – and with our rosters including such sexy women as Ruby Rose, Amber Heard (who I believe is actually bisexual), and even country music singer Chely Wright… It’s no wonder they seem to be succeeding.

What signs should you look out for?


1. Does she listen to Justin Bieber?

Back when Justin Bieber made his on-air debut, many people thought he was a lesbian, rather than a 14-year-old boy. Even though we have since learned the truth, many lesbians still enjoy his music, and he has a strong lesbian following – particularly his old songs from before his voice deepened.


2. Does she spend a lot of time texting?

Lesbians notoriously prefer texting, unlike their straight female counterparts who would prefer a three-hour phone conversation. This is undoubtedly so that they can be more openly gay – after all, no one is going to hear their sexual chatter if it’s typed out.

Lesbians are also notorious for sending half-naked pictures and photos of sex toys back and forth, so be sure to look out for that.


3. Does she play a manly sport?

Some sports are made for men, and other sports are made for women. The sports that are made for women are: cheerleading, ballet, and any other type of dance; and, of course, home economics.

If she participates in any other sports, such as golf, basketball, tennis… She’s almost certainly a lesbian.


4. Is her Facebook account private?

Lesbians who are hiding their orientation from their parents will most likely keep their Facebook accounts private. This is because it’s so easy to find and repost liberal lesbian imagery through social media, and the closeted lesbian will be unable to resist the temptation – effectively outing herself to everyone on her friends list.

This will, of course, not include her parents.


5. Does she watch lesbians on television?

Many lesbians will subconsciously seek out lesbian entertainment. With a number of out lesbians currently running (or participating in) talk shows, it’s likely that your daughter could be warped by these influences and become a lesbian herself, if she’s not already.

Pay careful attention, as sometimes the lesbian entertainment is entirely in subtext – not all “queer characters” will actually be queer. But if it’s enough to hope that they could be, it’s enough to make your daughter a homo.


6. Is she a Democrat?

It’s well-known that Democrats are gay. This is why they support gay rights so much – it’s because they, too, are gay, and they seek acceptance before coming out. Why would anyone who isn’t gay support the rights of the gays, after all? It’s not as if we’re the same inside.


7. Does she keep her passwords a secret?

A good, heterosexual girl will readily hand over the passwords to all her internet accounts. Lesbians, on the other hand, need to keep them private, to prevent themselves from being thrown out of the closet. If your daughter refuses to share her passwords with you, she’s probably gay.


8. Does she have sleepovers?

It used to be believed that having sleepovers with members of the same sex just meant that your child had friends. Thankfully, the rise in rampant homosexuality has taught us that same-sex sleepovers most definitely lead to homosexual behavior.

A quick search of “pillow fight” on any pornographic website will show up a few examples of what you can expect if your daughter is having girls sleep over. Keep her heterosexuality intact – only let her have sleepovers with boys!


9. Does she dress like a lesbian?

Common lesbian attire includes flannel, boots, and skinny jeans. Or glitter, maxi-skirts, and tank tops. Or cargo shorts and band t-shirts. Or really, anything – any clothes can be lesbian clothes if they’re on a lesbian.

If your daughter is wearing any clothing that doesn’t explicitly mark her as a heterosexual, she must be gay.


10. Does she keep her bedroom door shut?

Heterosexuals will leave their doors open, because they have nothing to hide. Lesbians, on the other hand, will keep their door shut and locked, because they will have other lesbians creeping in through the window and hiding under the bed.

These lesbians sneaking in will inevitably turn your daughter gay – and possibly infect the rest of the family, too. Have her leave her door open to make sure there is no homosexual behavior going on.


11. Has she been spending time with short-haired women, or has she expressed an interest in cutting her hair short?

Short-haired women are inevitably gay, and since we have already established that lesbianism is contagious, it’s best to make sure your daughter doesn’t have short-haired female friends.

These women are most likely only interested in turning your daughter into a lesbian. If she has recently cut all her hair short (or begun wearing it in a new style, perhaps with the sides shaved off), she is almost definitely becoming a homosexual. It probably isn’t an expression of her personal style choices.


12. Is she doing poorly in school?

If your daughter has always been a good student, but is now on the verge of dropping out of school, this is almost certainly a sign that she is a lesbian.

This is because lesbians are too overcome with their insatiable desires for other women that they cannot focus on anything else – thus making them prone to bad performance on tests. There is almost zero chance that this is actually caused from stress, even if this occurs around finals.


13. Does she have friends of other races?

Lesbians are notorious for trying to be inclusive, so if your daughter is friends with people from other races, it’s almost certain that she is, in fact, a lesbian.

Her inclusivity could force you to be subjected to a face-to-face manifestation of your own racial prejudices – so it’s best if you avoid any chance of running across them.


14. Has she had sex education in school?

Most schools don’t offer same-sex sex education, because they feel that it could cause their children to become gay – just as some only offer abstinence-only education because it prevents teens from having sex.

This essentially means that if your daughter attends sex education classes, she’ll be promiscuous, but if she doesn’t go, she’ll be a homo.

There is almost no chance that your daughter can make the right choices on her own, so you’ll need to make them for her. Choose wisely!


15. Is there another homosexual in the family?

If there are other homosexuals in your family, it’s best to separate them from your impressionable daughter. This is because they will encourage your daughter to come out as a lesbian. It probably doesn’t mean that there’s a genetic significance, here.


Hopefully it’s obvious that this post was satire, but the truth is, there are actually a lot of people who think that these things can tell you whether someone’s gay or not – even in the gay community we have stereotypes that we assign to one another.

Not all stereotypes are inherently bad, of course, but the idea that you can tell something about a person just by examining some assumptions is fundamentally flawed. Yes, even if they’re “good” stereotypes.

These good stereotypes are damaging, too, because they’re not always true, which creates layers of disappointment a person can feel in themselves when they don’t meet the expectations that people have.

The truth is, everyone is unique, and there really isn’t any way to tell anything about a person without seeing it and/or hearing it directly from them.

I am so tired of the idea of gaydar, really, because it’s just as bad as racial profiling, as far as I’m concerned – you’re still using stereotypes to decide something about a person. Can we leave racism – and “gaydar” – in the past, finally?

(By the way, if you’re looking for more ignorant lesbian stereotypes, I got the inspiration for this post from the satire website, ChristWire – check out their version here. Despite the confusion in their comments area, the site itself is intended as a parody of conservative thinking. And it’s actually a bit scary that there are actually people who think this way – even if they aren’t this brazen about it. Don’t vote for Trump, my American friends!)

15 thoughts on “15 Signs Your Teenage Daughter Might Be a Lesbian

  1. Chloe

    I was scared that this post was actually serious. Like… oh my god :’)

    It’s sad how insanely stupid people can be and believe these are true… sigh

  2. john

    this is a stupid post you cant turn a straight girl into a lesbian just as you cant make a black men become an Asian man
    if my daughter told me that she was a lesbian i would be proud of her from not being scared

    who wrote this is an homophobic and racist person

  3. Roger

    Girl/girl sexual experimentation during sleepovers is not a new thing. (same with boy/boy) This is a safe way to sexually experiment and should be ENCOURAGED

  4. Gillian Chantrelle

    This post is NOT SERIOUS!!! Climb down from the moral highground and get a sense of humour! And read the whole thing before you blindly sound off!

  5. No

    This is outrageous! It’s probably more common for a straight girl to do these things like really. What is this!!

  6. Mike

    Oh dear lord , antil i read the end i almost had a hart attack . But after i understand that post , this is realy funny

  7. Brianne

    I just want to tell everybody that I am a lesbian and none of these signs match me at ALL sorry to whoever created this f***king article but your logic is all wrong….!
    P.S if any of you you agree just write back LOVE YOU ALL!

  8. Yuka

    Lol I was scared for a minute as a super feminine lesbian lol good article that shows how stupid stereotypes can be

Comments are closed.

Latest NEWS

Also see

If only the world was as “open-minded” as us… Alas, matters of sexual identity and equal love, often cause so much friction in the rest of the world. Here, find an open dialogue on the issues facing our LGBT community.

Sign up for our newsletter.

Get the best of what’s queer, right to your inbox.

hey
beautiful,

come here often?

drop us a line

or try to find it on our website