First dates can be hard. They’ve got all the awkwardness of talking to your crush, combined with the stark realization that you two are total strangers – and it’s a scary position to be in. Personally, I think that’s why lesbians have such a reputation for being serial monogamists – we just can’t stand the idea of first-dates, so we try to make sure we have as few of them as possible. Of course, this is way generalized, but let’s be real… First dates kinda suck.
But do you know what’s worse than a first date? A bad first date. There aren’t really too many totally universal deal-breakers out there, but if you’re doing any of these 24 things, you’re probably going to stay single for a while.
1. NEVER talk about anything you found while cyber-stalking her.
It’s great that you scanned her Facebook to make sure you didn’t say anything offensive – but if you bring up that crazy party she went to six months ago, that you were not at, it’s going to be really creepy, and you probably won’t get a second date.
2. NEVER ask for a kiss.
I know, I know – it’s good to get consent, and I totally feel you. But if you have to ask for a kiss, you’re going to kill the mood. Just roll with it – but be prepared to back off if she asks you to.
3. NEVER beg for a kiss.
Some people might be into the whole asking thing… But if you’re begging for a kiss, you’re not really setting a good impression of yourself. TBH, you’ll look a bit desperate. If she says no when you try, leave it at that.
4. NEVER propose, or say “I love you”.
Hate to break it to you, but “love at first sight” is total bullshit. Unless you’ve been talking for a really long time before taking things out in the real world, you don’t love her (yet) and you don’t want to marry her (yet). Give yourself some time!
5. NEVER play on your phone.
It should be silenced and left in your pocket or purse. No one wants to feel like they’re competing with technology for your attention.
6. NEVER split the bill.
Times can be hard, I get it – but there is some etiquette concerning proper first date protocol. Whoever asked should also pay – that’s just being polite!
7. NEVER bring friends with you.
Unless your date specifically said it was a “group thing” and you could bring friends, just don’t.
8. NEVER bring your pets with you.
This should go without saying, but… Your pets can be there in spirit, but not in reality. It’s okay to show a couple of pictures, if she asks, but don’t push the issue if she doesn’t.
9. NEVER talk about your therapist or your gynecologist.
I get it – you want a girlfriend who’s cool with the less-than-pleasant parts of you, too. But that can wait until you guys have gotten to know each other a little better.
10. NEVER talk about your ex.
It’s just bad juju – that relationship ended for a reason. If you bring up your ex to your new boo, she’s likely to think you still have feelings for her. (And, FYI, “animosity” still counts as a feeling.)
11. NEVER talk about your parents.
Okay, so she might ask where you grew up and all that… And there are some good reasons to talk about your family on a first date. But if she doesn’t ask, save it for later.
12. NEVER wear a swim suit as underwear.
How are you going to feel if things get a little heated and she finds out you’re wearing beach attire under your formal wear? Yikes.
13. NEVER treat it like a job interview.
It’s totally normal to want to get to know her better – but be very careful how you frame your questions. She’s not here to “apply for the position of girlfriend” – she’s here to have a good time with you. Don’t make it seem like a test.
14. NEVER imply that she is a tease.
She’s under no obligation to “give it up” to you, and if she isn’t feeling it, you have no rights over her body. And, if you call her a tease, you’re pretty much guaranteeing that you’ll never get any from her.
15. NEVER imply that she is a slut.
Just as bad as implying that she owes you something – implying that she “probably would”, or that you “knew she would”, give it up on the first date. Even if it’s true, slut-shaming is a no-go, and isn’t a good way to get a second date.
16. NEVER drop names to impress her.
So you met Beyonce that one time – totally cool! But if it doesn’t fit organically into the conversation, she’s going to know that you’re just trying to impress her, and it’s going to backfire.
17. NEVER tell your whole life story.
Again, it’s normal to get to know each other, but you need to leave a little mystery there. She doesn’t need to know that you got your tonsils removed when you were 7, or that your sister ran over your cat when she was learning to drive. Just stick with the basic summary, and let her learn more as you go along.
18. NEVER leave out the important details.
While it’s important to leave some things out, you shouldn’t leave out the important things, like whether you have kids, an STD, or you’re unemployed. Sure, it might seem like these things would ruin your chances of getting a second date, but wouldn’t you rather she be with you because she chooses to be, even knowing about your “downsides”?
19. NEVER talk about sex.
If you’re not already on your way to go have sex with her, you do not need to talk about your sexual prowess, or your sexual history. Without an emotional connection to back it up, it’s not going to turn her on – it’s going to make her uncomfortable.
20. NEVER get wasted.
It’s okay to have a few drinks to loosen up, but know your limits. If you puke on her shoes, she’s probably never going to go out with you again… Not to mention you won’t be able to remember what she’s talked about anyway.
21. NEVER share all of your dietary quirks.
If you have allergies or sensitivities and you’re going out to eat, it’s reasonable to ask the waiter about the things that could possibly kill you or make you sick. But if you’re just picky? Keep it to yourself – pickiness is equated with being high-maintenance.
22. NEVER wear dirty or falling-apart clothes.
It should be obvious, but… If there are stains, holes, or a bit of ketchup on anything you’re wearing, you’re not going to make a good impression. You don’t need to buy an all-new outfit, but your outfit needs to at least be clean.
23. NEVER try to schedule the second date.
Listen – I know you mean well. But you’re not the only person who has stuff to process after that first date. Give her time to think it over, and make sure you leave at least a few days for her to think about whether she even wants a second date with you or not. If you ask while you’re still on the first date, things could get really awkward if she says no.
24. NEVER have unprotected sex.
I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t sleep with someone on the first date. I mean, it’s not always the greatest idea, but if you’re both on board with it (and consenting adults), there’s no problem. But you should always use protection until you’re absolutely sure that you’re both clean and monogamous. No exceptions!
What other first-date blunders have you experienced? Was it something you did or something your date did? Share them in the comments!