When we start a new relationship, we often think that our friends are going to be happy for us. And usually, they try to be! But some things are harder for them to be supportive of, even though these are things that are present in many new loves. How many of these are affecting your friendships?
1. The cupcaking.
This is actually a word I just learned with my current partner. For those who are as blissfully unaware as I was, it doesn’t mean baking, eating, or designing cupcakes. It’s nothing inherently sexual, either. No – cupcaking refers to the urge to be sickeningly sweet with each other when you’re in public, or around friends.
This problem exists when you bring your new boo around your friends, but then completely ignore your friends in favor of cuddling, kissing, and pet-naming with your girlfriend instead. While it may be one of the warmest, fuzziest parts of a new romance – your friends will feel awkward and uncomfortable if forced to watch it.
2. The constant social media posts.
Not everyone in a relationship will post everything on social media… But I know I personally am guilty of it. When my love life is going well, I love posting pictures of the two of us together. In fact, I rarely take pictures of myself without my girlfriend in them, if I can help it. We see it as sharing our happiness – but our friends see it as showing off.
I’m definitely not saying you shouldn’t show off your girlfriend – you should! But if you want to keep your friends from rolling their eyes and hiding your posts, try to keep it less than once an hour. No one is going to think you guys broke up if you skip a picture or two. (Besides, some memories are better kept just for the two of you.)
3. The pet names.
I don’t know about you, but I love pet names. Nicknames in general, really – I had some really good friends in high school whose first names I can’t even remember, but their nicknames are still ingrained in my mind. (Peachfuzz/Kiwi, if you’re reading this, I’m mostly talking about you.) I’m sure I have friends who don’t know my real name, too – and that’s OK!
But your friends probably don’t want to hear your constant pet names once you’ve decided on someone. While you’re still in the dating process, it’s totally OK to use monikers that don’t give away the person’s real name, but if you want your friends to keep up, it’s best if you switch to using their real name once things get serious.
4. The absence of social interaction.
Many of us are guilty of nesting with our new girlfriend once things start to get intense. This can be really good for your relationship, but unless you maintain a friendship with your friends, you could actually lose them entirely – and sometimes you won’t even notice. Maybe that’s OK with you, and maybe your girlfriend treats you better than your “friends” did, but all relationships have upkeep – including your friendships.
I’m not saying that you need to go around and visit your friends every day, or even every week. But if you continually blow them off, forget to text them every now and then, or ignore their calls, they’re probably not going to be your friend much longer – and you’ll need to decide on your own if you’re OK with that.
5. The woman you chose to commit to.
This isn’t necessarily the case, and sometimes it’s completely unfounded. But if a significant number of your friends seem to have a problem with your girlfriend (and they’ve actually met her), you might want to try listening to what they have to say.
It is very important to realize that their claims should be coming from personal accounts – whether their own, or from your words. If the things they’re claiming are coming from a third party (such as a friend-of-a-friend, or an inner intuition), they may not be the most reliable, and you should instead consider your friendship with this person. Is there a reason they might not want you to be with this person – such as jealousy or hate-mongering?
6. The happiness you share.
Yes – sometimes the people we consider our friends will dislike the fact that you’re happy with someone. Of course, these aren’t very good friends to have, but that’s not always obvious from the start.
Maybe they’re jaded because of their own failed loves. Maybe they’re attracted to you, and don’t know how to properly show it. But hating on your relationship simply for the sake of hating on it is never a good quality in a friend. If you’re truly happy with your girlfriend and your friends aren’t happy for you, ditch them!