The way a couple argues is a big predictor if they will break up.
How do you resolve constant conflicts and keep the peace in a relationship?
1. Separate the emotions from the situation
In any argument there are two things involved; the situation and your emotions. For example if you are upset because your partner has refused to take out the garbage. Before saying ‘holy crap take out the garbage already!’ give yourself some time. Expressing yourself when angry is ill advised. Wait until the anger is gone then speak your mind.
Never get into a confrontation while angry.
2. Stop yourself!
Do not get sucked into a fight. Refuse to fuel the fire. Instead of thinking’ they started it’, refuse to be drawn in. Search for common ground and use agreeable statements like;
- I can see why you would think that
- I understand what you are saying
3. Complain don’t criticise
Stop the character attacks. Sure she conveniently forgot to pay that crucial bill but that does not make her a ‘lazy snob’ or ‘good for nothing’. Tell her ‘I am upset you forgot to pay the bill again’ instead.
4. Compromise
Strive to get a win win solution in any argument. This will most often involve compromising and being ready to change your stand.
5. Take a break
Even a twenty minute break will do wonders to an argument. Come back when heads are cooler and the problem won’t seem half as bad. Hit the reset button when you’re in that destructive argument.
6. Find the humour
Nothing cuts short a heated argument like humour. Look for the funny side in the situation and tactfully extinguish the argument with a joke or a funny statement.
Fights do not have to turn angry all the time. They can actually bring you closer. It all depends on you.
