When we think of women flirting, we often see the toss of the hair, the bat of the lashes, the intense gazing, and the seductive finger trail down the cheek…

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But for me, this behaviour is utterly bewildering and foreign. I was born with an innate inability to be flirtatious. No, I’m serious. I feel like (and look like) a pathetic, lost puppy when I make even the faintest attempt at being flirty.

So to all my flirt-averse sisters out there, I present 7 struggles all lesbians who hate flirting know to well:


1. You address and treat every woman like your homeboy – no matter how attractive she is or how totally into her you are.

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2. You have one signature flirt move, which most women don’t pick up on. Mine is a 5 second gaze, then avert

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3. The awkward hand hover, which means your hand never comes to a complete rest on a women’s body when you communicate. You’ll never touch her shoulder, rest it on her knee, or give her a real embrace.

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4. When a cute woman flirts with you, it’s a fate worse than death. As soon as she gives you that half smile and intense eye contact, you are like a rabbit caught in headlight. Your heart starts pumping in your ears. Your mouth refuses to smile back. And all you want to do is run.

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5. You start speaking in riddles. If you actually do make it to the point of a “flirty” conversation, you’ll blurt out the most random of statements, like by answering her question about your plans next weekend with something like, “So, do you prefer Bing or Google?”

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6. You over analysis everything, because even if you do flirt, you don’t do it right. If you do (by some miraculous aligning of the heavens, make a semi-successful flirty gesture or comment to an attractive woman) you’ll later agonise over how lame you actually sounded.

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7. You feel awkward around women who are hyper-flirty. Did she just bat her lashes and laugh at that unfunny joke? How does she do that? And now look; she’s with the woman I like.

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