Sex is weird. There’s pretty much no way around it. But you know what’s even more weird? That little period of time after you’ve both gotten off, but before you’ve done anything else. This time is particularly sensitive – especially since different women have different ideas of what should come after.
Do you cuddle? Only if your partner is into it. Do you leave? Only if your partner isn’t in it for the long haul. Do you change your relationship status on Facebook? Well… Probably not. (And please, no after-sex selfies, either.)
We have put together a list of the xx most common things that people do wrong after sex. Will you join me in pledging to put an end to these bad habits?
1. Stop going to sleep right after.
Okay, I get it – sex makes you sleepy. But especially if your partner isn’t done yet, you shouldn’t be rolling over and catching some shut-eye right away. Those blissful minutes after climax are wasted, because you’re not basking in the afterglow of the shared moments – you’re basking in the sound of your partner’s gentle snoring.
Even if you’re not looking for multiple climaxes, it’s worth it to stay up for a while after sex. Whether you spend the time talking, cuddling, or engaging in round two is pretty much up to the two of you, but sleep shouldn’t be on the menu – at least not most of the time.
2. Stop rushing for the bathroom.
Sex, when done properly, can be a messy experience. I get that, too. Sometimes we’re so done with sex that all we can think about is peeing and wiping ourselves up. (By the way, if you’re not using the restroom after penetrative sex, you could be setting yourself up for a UTI – not fun.)
When we make way for the bathroom, the message we’re sending to our partner is that a) we come first, and b) sex is done because we’re done. Neither of these messages is very loving. Instead of rushing off to the bathroom to make sure you can wash up first, take a little time to see if you’ll be giving round two a shot – sometimes it’s worth it!
3. Stop picking up your phone afterwards.
I am so guilty of grabbing my tablet after sex and going to play a game for a few minutes. It feels like your brain needs time to de-fuzz-ify and a quick text message, Temple Run game, or a scroll through Facebook seems like just the ticket.
On the other side of things, I do know how this comes across to my partner. If the first thing you do after sex is switch your attention to something else, it might make your partner question whether your mind was really in it at all – which is not a sexy feeling. The Wi-Fi will still be there after you’ve decompressed – give your partner a fair amount of time.
4. Stop going back to work right after.
I’ll admit that I’m strongly drawn to the idea of a before-work (or work-break) quickie. This seems to be especially true when I’m looking for new sex positions to post to the site. I get so wrapped up in the magic of the quickie that I’m refreshed and ready to get back to work right away. If you had time to have sex, you’ve got a few minutes to show your partner you cherish her – be fair!
Even in a committed relationship, doing this repeatedly can make your partner feel like you’re just using her. Of course we know that’s not the case, but your girlfriend can’t see into your mind – she only knows the messages you lay out in the open. And the message you’re saying when you go right back to work is “I got what I wanted – now I’m leaving you again.”
5. Stop sleeping in the other room.
I used to be in an on-again, off-again relationship. Truthfully, even when we were “off”, we still had the most mind-blowing sex I’d ever had. (Current partner is better, but just slightly – I think it’s because she treats me better.) The thing that pissed me off the most about the situation was that she’d go sleep out on the couch when we were done. After all, in her mind I was “still an ex”, and you don’t sleep in your ex’s bed… Right?
But from my end, it sent a message that I was only good for one thing – and that’s something that can carry through even if you aren’t “separated but still sleeping together”. If you show your partner that you don’t want to stick around after, she’s going to get the message that all you’re after is the sex. Don’t make her feel like that – especially if you love her. No matter what your sleeping arrangements are the rest of the time, you should sleep together after you sleep together. It’s just common courtesy.
6. Stop letting the kids (or fur babies) in the bed right after.
My puppy is a bit of a pervert. We stick her in a kennel when we’re getting intimate, because if we don’t, she’ll try to join in. (We often joke that she’s our “side chick”, but really, bestiality is gross, please don’t do it.) However, being in the kennel makes her cry – so we let her out as soon as the pants are back on.
The only problem with this (or, if you have human children) is that it destroys the sexual sanctuary. Sure, your bed might be primarily for sleeping, but during that time after you’ve had sex, your bed should be a sacred place for you and your partner. Your own timelines might vary, but generally speaking, if you’re still flushed, it’s definitely too soon!
7. Stop eating after. (Like… Really. Stop.)
This is another one I’m guilty of. Sex works up quite an appetite sometimes, even if you’ve eaten some sexy foods just before (or during!) the intimate act itself. But when you go into the kitchen right afterward and immediately whip up a sandwich, it pretty much ruins the passion and guarantees that you won’t be going for round two.
Yes, refilling your calories after sex is important – but a bottle of water or a Gatorade will actually help refresh you more than food will right then. Not only that, but it will keep you from breaking your “sex focus” – whereas cooking, assembling, or otherwise preparing a meal or snack can be disastrous to the overall mood.