(Almost) everyone likes receiving oral sex. When done properly, it can be a glorious experience, and even when it’s not perfect, it’s still pretty good. Even if you think you’re pretty good, there’s always room for improvement, and I have never heard a woman say that better sex would be a bad thing.
Of course, not all women respond the same to stimulation, so the number-one tip will always be to communicate with your partner – both as a giver and as a receiver. Sex is better when both partners work to make it better.
If you need some ideas to help you get the conversation started, here are a few that are likely to be a hit.
1. “Get comfortable – we’re going to be here a while.”
In the heat of the moment, we often forget that comfort is a big factor in sexual pleasure. It’s important to remember that the possibility of injuring yourself during sex is actually a real thing, and it’s a legitimate concern for some people.
If you want to make sure your woman gets the most pleasure out of your pleasure, you’ve got to make sure she’s physically comfortable. I find that this is a perfect excuse to keep a ton of extra pillows on the bed. (And besides – then you can make a pillow fort when you Netflix & chill.)
You should make sure that you’re comfortable too, though. When you’re stuck in an awkward or uncomfortable position, it’s literally impossible for you to do your best work – so make sure you save a pillow for yourself, if you want one.
2. “How do you want it?”
I know, I’m guilty of this myself – you find out about a new position and you get super excited to try it out with your partner. But your partner isn’t on board with the idea of sticking her bum up in the air, no matter how much you beg.
Truthfully – and this is important here, so listen up – the receiving partner should get to pick the position. Chances are, she knows what she likes, and letting her pick the position pretty much guarantees that she’s going to be satisfied.
It could be argued that the more dominant partner should get to pick the position, and we agree, to an extent. Either partner may suggest the position, but the receiving partner should always have the final say.
3. “I want you to beg for it.”
This is something I cannot stress enough: Most women are more responsive to sexual stimuli once they’re already thoroughly aroused. If you start with sex right out of the gate, you’re almost always destroying your chance to seal the deal – her body most likely won’t let her get in the mood.
Of course, not all women respond this way, but even for women who are used to getting turned on right away, the pleasure that comes from the art of a good tease is well worth the extra time it takes. I believe this may even be more true for those who aren’t used to being teased, but the sample represented by my personal experience is pretty small.
When you make your partner beg for release, the resulting orgasm is bound to be stronger. Some women enjoy the anticipation of stretching the foreplay process out over several days, but for beginners I advise starting with an hour or so at first. Trust me, she’ll love it!
4. Read her body language. Don’t talk – just listen.
If you pay close attention to your lover’s body while you are pleasuring her, it’s next to impossible to have “bad sex”. (Unless, of course, there are significant outside factors involved.) Women who are responsive to the progression that their partner’s body goes through during foreplay and sex are much more likely to notice the minor changes that occur when she’s close to climax, and can focus her attention on the areas that need the most stimulation.
This can be particularly helpful when paired with teasing, as you can predict when she’s about to have an orgasm and slow things down – leaving her lingering somewhere in the middle for even longer.
Body language has the added bonus of being incredibly difficult to fake, so watching her facial expressions and feeling the way her body tenses when she is feeling pleasure can help add confidence to those who doubt their sexual abilities.
5. Turn it on. (The toy, that is!)
Let me start with a disclaimer: Using a vibrating toy when you’re going down on someone has a very high potential to make your face numb. That’s ok. Do it anyway, trust me. For women who enjoy penetration (whether vaginal or anal), the feeling of vibration along with the clitoral stimulation is a mind-blowing experience, and nothing else truly compares to the feeling this brings.
For women who don’t enjoy penetration, you can still get a toy involved in the mix. However, instead of inserting it in your partner, rub it along the outer edges of either her vagina or her anus (preferably on a low setting at first, as these areas are quite sensitive).
If you can stick it out and continue “performing” while using the toy to aid you, her orgasm is bound to be one of the strongest she’s ever experienced.
6. “Let’s try something different.”
If you’re interested in trying something different with the assistance of a toy, this variation of the above trick might be just the ticket. Instead of using the toy to penetrate your partner, use it to vibrate against her clitoris. Your mouth can then explore her labia, and if she’s into the idea, penetrate her.
This trick still utilizes the softness of the lips and tongue with the intensity of the vibrator, but in a context that many women don’t think to try. Being orally penetrated is something that turns women on (although it’s more psychological than physical), and being able to taste her from the inside is pretty sexy, too.
A wonderful idea to intensify the power of your teasing is to suck and nibble on your partner’s inner thighs and outer labia. Both of these places are highly sensitive on most women who are close to climax, and the sexual tension of giving these areas more focus than the clitoris can significantly increase the volume of her begging. (Your personal experience may vary.)
7. “Get ready!”
When you’ve seen your partner falling into the patterns that usually mean she’s about to climax – and you’ve decided that she’s allowed – it’s time to start building up the anticipation just a little bit more. Her moans are probably going to help motivate you here, so let her be your guide.
Some ideas to throw into your “end game” are some gentle clitoral or labial sucking – these are quite effective with many women. You might also try some light nibbling, although not all women enjoy the pain. Personally, I’m not a big fan of biting, but I have been with women who were.
But what if you reach the ending and she didn’t actually finish? Well, there are two possibilities here. Generally speaking, you should let her decide which one you go through with.
A. Keep trying – the orgasm will happen eventually!
Some women take a long time to orgasm, and it very rarely means that there’s a problem. Things like prescription medications, alcohol, or stress can make things even harder, but usually it is possible. Every now and then, you should try to give your lady a long, satisfying experience. If you have the time, the patience, and the willing partner to let it run its course, there’s no harm in not stopping.
B. Don’t worry – she still had a good time!
Sometimes, no matter how bad we want to have a physical orgasm, it’s just not going to happen. If you’ve given it your best effort, you can be assured that she did enjoy it, even if her body doesn’t show it. Further, some women may have psychological orgasms, which won’t show the physical characteristics of a sexual climax, but she will be just as satisfied.
8. “Was it good for you?”
I feel like I’m always talking about talking, but it really is the most reliable way to make sure your relationship is going in the right direction. Even in a casual scenario, both partners should make sure their needs and expectations are clear.
After sex (while you’re still basking in the afterglow) is a wonderful time to talk about your sexual satisfaction as a whole. Your mind is already in a sexual place, so the shy among us won’t feel so awkward about it. Your endorphins are racing, which makes you less likely to be offended by any suggestions. Overall, you’re in a good mood – and some oxytocin has definitely been let loose in your body, which means that your bond with your partner is stronger than ever.
When you set aside a few minutes to talk after your sexy time, you are making an effort to improve your sex the next time – so more than just talking, it’s important that you listen to what she has to say, and try to apply it the next time you get down to business. If she’s anything like me, she probably said her fair share of motivational messages and helpful instructions during the deed, but it never hurts to clarify.
Over time, this process can drastically improve your sex life, not only with your current partner, but also with any future partners you may have. Sex and romance are lifelong learning experiences and even the experts are still figuring stuff out. Don’t be afraid to explore and try new things!
Take care of yourself, and each other!