9 Signs You’ve Been Single for Way Too Long

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I love the idea of being single – to a certain degree. I mean, I’m a romantic and all, but there’s something quite nice about not having to answer to anyone. Of course, after a few bad relationships tried to change who I am, I don’t really let my partner make my decisions for me anymore – but that doesn’t always go over too well.

Still, being single sucks in its own way, too. Even if you pride yourself on your independence (which I totally do) there’s something that makes the difference between “independent” and “alone” – and after a while, the differences become painfully obvious.

1.    You don’t even remember how to flirt.

Independence gives us the freedom to flirt with whomever we want. But eventually, we start to lose our touch, because we don’t let our flirting go any further than that. Eventually you lose your touch altogether, and it seems like you try so hard to flirt with someone and you just can’t.

2.    PDA makes you grumpy.

Seeing other people so happily in love and not afraid to show it gives you a certain sense of hostility. You know it’s not their fault you’re single, but still… You see a couple making out in public and it makes you want to slap one of them. (Hint: Don’t do that. It is, in fact, assault.)

3.    You’d rather microwave a TV dinner than cook.

Guys, cooking sucks. I know some people like it, but I don’t. If I am just cooking for myself, I see no reason to get pans and spatulas and all that dirty – just toss something in the microwave, or go out to eat. I feel like I’m probably the only person ever who actually loses weight when I’m in a relationship. (Please tell me I’m not alone!)

4.    You talk to your animals more than you talk to other people.

OK, so I talk to my pets a lot – even my snake who doesn’t have any ears – but I’d die if I only had my pets to talk to. At least I get to share my funny “guess what me and the puppy did today” stories with my girlfriend. Imagine if I had to share my “guess what me and ____ did today” stories with my dog. I’d go insane.

5.    Your sex life consists of… Porn.

Like, a lot of porn. And after a while, the porn actually starts to seem realistic – like it wasn’t made with straight men in mind. Or even worse – porn doesn’t seem like porn, but just a low-budget movie that you watch and wonder, “What the hell is that?”

6.    Even Facebook seems to be mocking your “independence”.

Ever had Facebook ads for dating sites, porn, or ice cream? Chances are, this is their subtle way of telling you you’ve been single for a bit too long.

7.    Your dating apps are your favorite social interaction.

Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with dating apps. Nothing at all (as long as you’re being safe and you still have a life outside of that). But if you tell your friends you can’t go out because you’ve got a “date” with your match list, well… There could be a problem.

8.    Your family has stopped asking if you’re seeing anyone.

Because we all know that our family expects us to settle down and start a family. If they stop asking, it’s because they assume they already know the answer – and that answer is always going to be a “no”.

9.    You’re reading lists online to see if you’ve been single too long.

Yep… If you think you might have been single for too long, you probably have. Just reading this list (with the intent of arguing its points) pretty much guarantees that you have, in fact, been single for far too long.

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