New relationships are crazy territory. While your heart’s aflutter with the new love (or is it lust?) and your stomach is full of butterflies, there’s going to be a day when you come to have sex. The “right time” is different for everyone, but most people will have sex with a partner within the first year of dating – many giving into the temptation much sooner.
Even if everyone was on the same sex schedule, though, there is a variety of different sex you’ll have. First, everyone has a different sexual style, which of course factors in to some of the differences – but more than that, there are different types of sex that appeal to different stages of the relationship, and everyone will reach these stages at a different time point.
How many of these can you say you did in the first year with your partner?
1. Awkward Sex
Particularly if either you or your partner had never had sex before, the first time can be super awkward sometimes. Not everyone goes through this awkward phase, but those who do need to know that it’s not uncommon – in fact, most people experience awkward sex sometimes. Sometimes this awkward sex continues long after you and your partner have become more comfortable with each other – and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!
The awkwardness of first time sex comes mostly from our mind telling us that we’re not ready. Even if we feel (hormonally) way overdue for sex, the truth is that sometimes our mind and our body don’t want to work together. When this “disagreement” happens, sex can be really weird.
2. Passionate Sex
In a perfect world, all sex would be passionate, we’d all get off every time, and no one would ever be unsatisfied. But the truth is, it doesn’t always work out that way – and that’s okay, too. Passionate sex happens when your body and your mind are in complete sync, and you can’t stand the thought of waiting even another second for it.
Passionate sex is one of the most fulfilling types of sex, because it makes us feel wanted, loved, and used – in the best sense of each word. While we might like to think of ourselves as dignified and classy, sometimes you just want to be used for sex. As long as the person “using” us cares deeply about us, too (whether it’s true love or not), there’s nothing wrong with being a plaything.
3. Finally-Figured-It-Out Sex
This is the sex that lets you know you’ve got your technique down with this partner. For some of us who might have more experience, we’d expect this sex to come early on in the relationship, but that’s not necessarily the case. Each partner you have will have different wants, needs, and turn-ons, and it might take you a little while to get used to the change.
Sometimes, the partners will be totally in sync and they’ll figure out what works for them right away. It’s great when that happens, but you shouldn’t fret if it doesn’t. Sex is a complicated process and you shouldn’t be in a rush to skip to the end. Take your time getting to know your partner. Treat each new partner as if she was your first – because, after all, she’s the first partner of the rest of your life – right?
4. Not the Best, But Not Bad Sex
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but… Not every sexual experience will be a 10. Even if your partner has gotten you off a hundred times before, there’s going to be the occasional hint of mediocrity. You shouldn’t let this bother you, if it’s an occasional thing.
If you notice your partner no longer has the ability to make you orgasm (after examining a large “sample period”, it might be worth bringing up to her – maybe she thinks she’s getting the job done. If you don’t tell her she’s not, you have no one to blame but yourself.
5. Quickie Sex
Some people really, really like quickies. They’re great when you’re just looking to get it over with and you don’t care about all that mushy stuff. As long as they’re not making up most of your sexual encounters (hint: romance is still important too), there’s nothing wrong with rushing things every now and then.
The thing you need to realize is that not all women respond to quickie sex. Some women take a long time to get warmed up, so unless you’ve been teasing for quite a while (sexting can help here) that quickie just isn’t going to get the job done for her. Make sure you talk to your partner to make sure she’s satisfied!
6. Silly Sex
Even those of us who like to think of ourselves as “strictly business” have had sex that results in us laughing more than we’re moaning. Sometimes it’s awkward, but if you and your partner are comfortable with each other, it doesn’t have to be.
I’m a firm believer that you have to be able to laugh with your partner – no matter what the situation may be. (Okay, maybe not during a funeral or something, but you get the idea.) If you can’t have “silly sex” with your partner, you might not be with the right person. It’s not something you can force.
7. New Turn-On Sex
One great thing about having different sexual partners in your lifetime is that you’re bound to pick up on things that you’ve never tried before. When you pick the ones you like and share them with a new partner (assuming your partner is willing to try – make sure you communicate first!), you both might be surprised at the things that get your juices flowing.
For most things, you don’t know whether you like something or not until you try it – and that definitely holds true for sex. Fantasies are all over the board, and sometimes we don’t think about them once we’ve come up with a couple ideas that work for us. By introducing your partner to something they’ve never tried before, you might find something that makes you both enjoy it a lot more.
8. Fantasy Sex
Every now and then, you’re going to picture someone else when you’re having sex. This might make you feel guilty, or awkward, or a number of different emotions – but generally, it’s not a bad thing. As long as you’re still content having sex with your partner and just imagining someone else, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Humans, by nature, fantasize.
Most of the time we think about fantasies as they relate to our sex lives. But I’ll bet you’ve even eaten something and imagined eating something else. Does it mean what you’re eating isn’t good? No, it just means you’re thinking about something else. Do you feel like you’re cheating on your sandwich if you’re thinking about cheesecake? I doubt it.
9. Bad Sex
Bad sex is a subjective issue – and it’s something that happens to everyone sometimes. If you think you’ve never had bad sex, chances are you’ve got a previous partner who wasn’t completely honest with you. Sex isn’t always going to be good.
The good news is that bad sex can usually be “fixed” with a little communication. Very rarely is it due to a lack of skill. Usually, it’s just that you two are into different things, and one partner is afraid to hurt the other one’s feelings, so she keeps quiet. In the first year, you might not read your partner well enough to understand when she’s trying to save your feelings – that comes in time.
No matter what order you take these different types of sex in, you should be communicating with your partner to make sure the two of you are on the same page. After all, you can’t just expect things to work out on their own – you need to talk about what you like and dislike. No one is a mind reader, despite what they may think. Expecting your partner to read your mind is setting yourself up for failure.
The only “truly” bad sex is bad sex that never gets better – everything can be worked around as long as you’re willing to try!