If you’ve never moved in with a partner before, it can seem like the answer to every problem.

You’ll save money on bills, because you’ll only have bills at the one place instead of two.

You’ll get to spend so much more time together – which is great for everything you had planned!

You’ll only have to clean up at one place, you won’t have to go out to eat because you’ll be cooking from home… It sounds like a bunch of joy and sunshine.

Once you move in together, things can get a little more difficult. I am definitely not saying you shouldn’t move in with your girlfriend, but there are a few questions you should know the answers to before you take that step.

Is your partner a neat and tidy person, or is she a little more relaxed?

This is one area of compatibility that a lot of people take for granted. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with either category, it can be a pretty good indicator of how the housework will be divided between the partners.

• Option A: Two messy partners. Neither of you will really mind when the house is a mess, but the basic chores probably won’t get done unless you have a roommate. (And your roommate will probably resent you for the mess you leave for them.)
• Option B: One messy partner and one tidy partner. In this situation, the basic chores will probably be done – but most likely by the tidier partner. This partner will probably not be happy with the situation, and may periodically “go on strike” until the messy partner agrees to start helping. Over time, the tidy partner may be able to teach the messy partner to be more tidy, or the tidy partner will give up on the situation. In some situations, the tidier partner may enjoy cleaning and won’t mind that the messier partner doesn’t do much – but these cases are rare.
• Option C: Two tidy partners. All the housework gets done, and everyone is satisfied. There is complete symbiosis in your relationship and you share the responsibilities equally.

Obviously, these scenarios appeal to the tidier partner – so generally, if you are the messier partner, you should be trying to meet the tidier partner’s wishes. If the tidier partner isn’t happy with the situation, your compatibility will suffer.

Does your partner have any specific dietary needs?

I come from a family with a lot of food sensitivities. My mother is allergic to shellfish, wheat, and peanuts, and I have problems with peanuts, soy, and dairy. If you’re going to be living with someone, it’s important that you are aware of how their diet is different than yours. In some cases, it’ll be a matter of preferences, but in some cases it can be a matter of life and death.

Sometimes you’ll have knowledge of your partner’s dietary needs before you get to the idea of moving in together. This is actually much better, if you can learn to accommodate it. Sometimes it’ll be disappointing (I still frequently forget to buy real milk for my girlfriend, oops!) but eventually you do learn to adjust.

Can you handle spending large quantities of time with them?

Sometimes, when we only spend short amounts of time with someone, we’re able to tolerate some of the things that would otherwise irritate us if we had to put up with it longer. The only way you can know that you can handle it on a more frequent basis is if you’ve been with them for an extended period of time.

Before you move in together, you should have an idea of how they are in the long term. Consider spending a weekend first, and then maybe a week. Committing to the idea of living together full-time is huge!

Will you be comfortable giving up your own space?

Let me tell you a little secret: I kept paying rent at my old place for about 8 months after I moved into my girlfriend’s place. I couldn’t handle the idea of moving on from my independence, but I wanted to be with her. I rarely went “home”, but I still enjoyed the safety net of knowing I could.

If you’re not entirely comfortable with the idea of letting go of the last bit of “mine”, you might not be ready to move in. Inwardly we know that “mine” is negative mindset to be in for a committed relationship, but it can be quite an adjustment to give up that last little bit. There’s no set-in-stone time for when you should be ready, and pushing yourself to be ready isn’t going to help anything.

If you’re not comfortable, don’t do it.

Are you truly ready?

Only you will be able to decide if you’re ready or not. Every situation is different, and sometimes we put ourselves under unnecessary pressure to move forward. You should understand that there’s no situation you should move forward faster than you want to. After all, this relationship is about your happiness too.

If you decide you’re ready – move forward! Your relationship will most likely be in balance if you decide to move in together after answering all the questions. As long as there’s an equal effort from both parties, your relationship is likely to blossom and flourish for years to come.

[interaction id=”561262c874a791dd4b459468″]