Author Archives: Gemma Middleton

Gemma Middleton

About Gemma Middleton

I'm a writer, film maker, producer and a self believer. I live with my girlfriend and two children in Valencia, Spain and I write as I live my life. With passion, honesty and full of fun.

15 Sexuality Terms That All Queer Girls Need To Know

It’s so confusing sometimes when new words come up to describe a certain type of sexuality or relationship. I mean lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, gay or transgendered seems enough to describe most sexualities, right?

Wrong. There are 15 that we have found so far and if you can learn them and learn the definitions it will definitely make you stand out from the crowd.


A person who experiences sexual attraction in a way that is considered the norm.


A person who feels a romantic attraction to androgyny.

Asexual/ Ace

A person who does not experience sexual attraction to another person.


A person that only experiences sexual attraction after developing a strong emotional bond.

Grey Asexual/ Grey Ace

A person that sometimes experiences sexual attraction in certain circumstances but has no desire to act upon it.

Libedoist Asexual

An asexual person with an active sex drive.


A person who experiences romantic attraction but doesn’t need or want it reciprocated.


A person who is attracted to those that are menstruating.


Someone who is attracted to all genders


A person that has non-exclusive relationships with people they are attracted to.


A person who doesn’t identify with any sexual orientation label and disregards them.


A person who is interested in someone else in a way that is more than friends but it is not necessarily romantic either.


Someone that finds the line between friendship and romance difficult.


A person that is attracted to someone because of their intellect.


A person who is sexually attracted to gender variant people.

5 Types Of Foods That Will Help Vaginal Health And Boost Your Sex Life

Preparing for a night of passion with your boo is more than just waxing, showering and smelling nice. A healthy vagina is as important as a healthy sex life and these foods can help keep your vagina healthy and well, which of course will boost your sex life too. So, if you know you might be getting lucky between the sheets quite soon, follow our one day eating plan to keep everything it top condition.

Drinks Throughout the Day

Start your day off with some cranberry juice. Cranberries are great for keeping UTI’s at bay due to the bacteria fighting oxidants they contain. Don’t have more than 2 glasses though as the sugar content is quite high.

Green tea is also good for decreasing bacteria as it contains catechins and be sure to also drink plenty of water as water flushes out impurities in the body.


Greek Yogurt and Banana is what’s needed here. Greek yogurt has live cultures which kill off yeast infections and it helps to keep the PH balance correct in your vagina as well. Greek yogurt also contains probiotics which will take away any bloated feelings and the bananas are full of potassium which offsets sodium into the body, therefore helping to keep your tummy flatter too.


Salmon, green salad and sweet potatoes is the perfect combination, not only because it tastes just great but because the properties in these foods will work wonders for your sexual health.

Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids which helps improve circulation, therefore keeping you supple. Fatty acids also keep blood flow consistent to your sex organs which will help enhance your sex life and help with lubrication.

Sweet potatoes are full of vitamin A which helps generate hormones for energy and also helps with sex drive too. The green salad is also good for circulation which helps to increase stimulation and arousal.


An apple and handful of almonds will not only keep you from feeling hungry but will also help your sex drive and lady parts out too. Apples contain phloridzin which mimics the female sex hormone estradiol and vitamin E is aplenty in almonds which are full of hydrating properties. No vaginal dryness happening to you with a handful of these nuts, that’s for sure.


Sushi is the best meal to have for your dinner. Have a tuna and avocado roll as the omega 3 and the B6 is great for libido. The miso and edamame will help with lubrication and wasabi is an aphrodisiac which will help get you in the mood. For dessert enjoy a light dark chocolate mousse. Dark chocolate contains dopamine which is a feel good chemical, ensuring that you will be in a great mood to enjoy your night of passion later.

Why Your Sex Life Will Improve At 30

So many women complain that they have never had an orgasm from their partner’s finger or a dildo and have actually said out loud that perhaps the G-spot simply doesn’t exist. But it does. However, we only become aware of how to achieve an orgasm through penetration only, or how to relax enough to come, through self-awareness and confidence, both of which also come with maturity.

We all know the clit is the only way to shudder, right? Wrong. The G-spot does exist, orgasms can be achieved with your boo’s finger or a dildo, but, it’s most likely to happen when you have reached these pivotal points in your life and not before. As we mature we go on a learning curve and that includes learning how to have good sex. Here are some reasons why your sex life will improve when you hit your 30’s.

You’ll Learn to Position Yourself Correctly

Seriously, this is true. As the years pass we learn new things and this includes new things about our bodies. By the time you are 30 you will know exactly how to be positioned during sex to ensure that orgasm happens, even during penetrative sex. Women gain more confidence as they get older and this means you won’t feel so insecure shifting around, moving your hips or elevating your legs to ensure the spot is hit. It’s an age and experience thing, honestly.

You Won’t Hate Your Body

We don’t mean that the second after you hit 30 you’ll no longer have any insecurities, of course you will, but, they will not be so important to you. It’s all about our prospective of self-image. We start exercising more as we get older, we will try more things to combat aging and we tend to have more meaningful relationships with partner’s that make us feel good about ourselves. So, we begin to develop more self-confidence and realise that it doesn’t matter if we have a few wobbly bits, we know we still look quite hot. When you reach this point you’ll not spend the whole time during sex worrying about how you look. You’ll relax more and learn to embrace the moment and enjoy it.

You Will Become More Open-minded in the Bedroom

In our 20’s the thought of being handcuffed to the bed post, dressing up or becoming submissive can send us into a complete state of panic. But when you get older, it won’t. As you become more relaxed and confident as you age, you will become more open to experimental fun in the bedroom which will lead you to discover new sensations and find new turn-on’s. You will go past the point of worrying that you look stupid or you’re not doing it right and you’ll immerse yourself completely into experimentation, most of which would have horrified you ten years ago.

You’ll Only Fuck Girls That Treat You Well

How many of us can put our hands up and confess we’ve slept with some right bitches, simply because they showed us a bit of attention? Well, you will eventually get to the point when you don’t need flattery from some cow to make you feel good about yourself. You’ll only sleep with people that show you respect and treat you with respect, all of which will help you grow as a person and learn that you deserve the best, not a few hours of sex from a person that doesn’t care about you at all.

You’ll Have More Sober Sex

Most of us party during our late teens and twenties. It’s a fact. This means lots of the sex we have is a drunken, meaningless fumble that we can barely remember. Not the best way to learn what we like and what we don’t like in the bedroom and not great when we wake up in the morning and can barely remember what we did the night before. You won’t participate in this kind of behaviour by the time you reach 30. You’re likely to be slightly more responsible and not see the point in wasting your money on getting pissed and hooking up with someone for a one night stand.

You Will Only Sleep with Women That Rock Your Boat

A number of women will sleep with someone because they feel they ‘have to’ not because they actually want to. Trust us, you will stop doing that. Eventually you will decide yourself whether you find someone attractive enough to want to have sex with them or not. Just because you went on a nice date and had fun doesn’t mean you owe her anything and you will get to the point that you feel confident enough not to feel like you owe anyone anything.

Why LGBTQ Entrepreneurs Are Working Together

Apparently, many young LGBT members are often too scared to start up a new business idea in case they fail because of their sexuality. To help reduce career barriers for LGBTQ entrepreneurs and promote innovation around issues affecting the LGBTQ community, Venture for America and Out in Tech have joined forces.

Together, they are committed to building networks of LGBTQ entrepreneurs, promoting diversity in start-up communities, and enabling more LGBTQ people to see entrepreneurship and tech as viable career paths.

Venture for America and Out in Tech say the main reasons for setting up this new venture is for a few reasons which we have listed below.

There are Inequality Gaps for LGBTQ People in Entrepreneurship.

According to a study carried out in 2016 by Startout, 37% of LGBTQ start-up founders didn’t come out to investors for fear of prejudice and these companies raised 11% less capital than their heterosexual counterparts. Also, many LGBTQ start-up companies will move to cities that are more ‘gay friendly’ which can also put LGBTQ people off from setting up a new company. This inequality can be overcome through the promotion of diversity.

Strong Networks Allow for Better Resources and Investment

Starting out on your own can be quite isolating and even more so for LGBTQ people as they are in the minority in start-ups. This initiative means that people can find support amongst their peers in an environment where they can discuss and support each other for problems that they are facing.

Companies who Support LGBTQ Community Members See Positive Outcomes for Employees

A 2013 study from the Williams Institute discovered that LGBTQ employees at supportive companies experience less discrimination, better health, and higher job satisfaction and commitment. Startups, however, often lack the scale at which intra-company LGBTQ groups can be formed. Early-stage companies may only have a few employees, of which one or two might identify as LGBTQ. LGBTQ entrepreneurs can build formal networks to mimic the sense of community.

LGBTQ Innovations Helps Companies Solve Problems and Reach Out to New Markets

Diversity in company leadership drives innovation. Research published in the Harvard Business Review found that firms with a diverse set of leaders are 45% more likely to report market share growth and 70% more likely to have secured a new market altogether. Many start-up companies with diverse leaders come up with innovative ideas due to the fact they can identify gaps in their own specialized market.

Future Generations of LGBTQ People Should See Entrepreneurship as A Path to Success

The initiative hopes to promote the fact that LGBTQ companies can thrive and encourage younger generations to consider the idea of venturing into a start-up and not hold back because of a fear of prejudice or lack of support. Diversity needs to be seen as a positive thing and no-one should feel they can’t explore their ideas and the more support and acceptance the younger generation see the more likely they are to feel empowered to branch out with a start-up idea.

‘Love Has No Labels’ Kiss Cam Video Will Bring A Tear To Your Eye

Kiss Cams have been a popular part of sports culture for years and the Advertising Council, an American non-profit organisation and the brains behind Public Service Announcements, have put a new spin on them for their ‘Love Has No Labels’ campaign.

The campaign started two years ago, and is aimed at opening people’s eyes to bias and overcoming it. Love is love, regardless of sexual orientation, religion, disability or the colour of our skin.

The new kiss cam clip filmed at NFL Pro Bowl in Orlando two weeks ago shows love in all its diversity and this kiss cam definitely doesn’t discriminate.

Various couples from all walks of life share kisses as the heart lands on them. But this time the kisses comes from couples, including a gay couple and a lesbian couple. When the heart landed on one guy, he tenderly leaned over and kissed his partner, as the crowds cheered. Following them are other diverse couples but it’s the lesbian couple that really tugs at the heart strings. One of the women is wearing a shirt proclaiming she’s a survivor of the Pulse shooting which left 49 dead and 53 injured. As the cam lands on her she kisses her girlfriend and the love between them is so apparent.

The love has no labels campaign is supported by many big companies such as Southern Poverty Law Center, Pepsico, Google and Coca-Cola.

The Bachelor’s Tiffany Scanlon Gets Candid About The Woman She Fell For On The Show

Tiffany Scanlon has opened up about her relationship with her fellow contestant Megan Marx after the couple fell for each other during the Bachelor Australia show. The dating programme involves a group of women who compete to win the affections of a single male contestant, but the girls were more interested in each other than dating the man.

When the women publicly stated they were dating they were met with a lot of criticism, some saying their relationship was a publicity stunt. Another contestant who took part in the dating show, Keira Maguire took to Instagram to accuse the couple of “faking” being together. Both Megan and Tiffany warned the 29-year-old “not to get in touch” with them anytime soon.

Tiffany has admitted this is her first ever same sex relationship and told PopSugar Australia:

No one has been more confused than me. It certainly did not happen overnight. It took a lot of hiding in the shadows trying to figure out what we were. Megan had been with other women before but for me it was (and still is) an extremely confusing time made even harder by being in the public spotlight.”

When asked why the couple decided to go public Tiffany confided:

When Megan and I decided to publicly announce that we are in a relationship (months after we started dating), we also made the decision that we would share our lives with the world in the hope that, in some small way, we might be able to evoke change.”

The relationship has also affected Tiffany’s career as she was dismissed from a Catholic school following her announcement that she was in a same sex relationship. Tiffany said:

 This is not well known, but I had to resign from my job when I decided to try my luck at love on a reality TV show. My fall-back plan was to finish the year off doing relief teaching — my principal qualification — once the show had finished. The job I acquired as a Catholic high school relief teacher was taken from me as a result of my sexual orientation and it has become near impossible for us to get “normal” jobs with our public profile.”

Tiffany then went on to say that being with Megan was the ‘most rewarding’ relationship she had ever been in. Australian’s are continuing to fight for more equality for the LGBTQ community and hopefully Tiffany and Megan will give more couples in the public eye the courage to speak out about their same sex relationships.

Are You Suffering From Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD as it is also referred to, is a psychological disorder in which sufferers believe their body, or certain parts of their body are defective.

It is a serious disorder and often goes undiagnosed, especially as negative self-talk is often accepted in today’s society. Sufferers aren’t just displaying typical insecurities that we all feel from time to time.

They feel like their appearance is very flawed. So how can we tell if our belief that we have a big nose or huge thighs is actually something more serious than an insecurity? Below are five signs that might indicate you are suffering from BDD.

You never feel engaged in what you are doing.

This symptom can show itself if for example you are talking to someone but rather than take part in the conversation completely you spend the whole time worrying that the person you are talking to is looking at the part of your body you feel unhappy with.

You think that all she is thinking is how disgusting your nose is, or how much your chin juts out. If you go to an exercise class, you spend the whole time thinking everyone is staring at your thighs or thinking how awful your butt looks in the sweat pants you are wearing. You feel more comfortable at home in baggy clothes hiding under a blanket so you don’t have to look at yourself.

You hate mirrors

Do you avoid looking at your reflection at all costs, or when you do look in a mirror you are constantly thinking your ears look bigger than they did the last time or that last meal you ate is showing on your stomach already? Many BDD sufferers have an abusive relationship with mirrors and some people might even joke that you are always admiring your reflection.

In fact, the opposite is true. You are not looking at yourself to see how great you look, you are obsessing that the reflection you see in the shop window makes you look even worse than the last reflection you saw of yourself in the bathroom mirror earlier that day.

You have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms

You may have an eating disorder, a drink or drug problem, a shopping addiction, an addiction to exercise or even an addiction to plastic surgery.

These can be secondary symptoms to BDD as you believe that not eating properly will reduce the size of your thighs, or running 10 miles a day will flatten your stomach. Most sufferers will try do anything to fix whatever problem they think they have with their body immediately, even if it means drinking or taking drugs to escape the obsessive thoughts you are constantly plagued with about your body.

You keep comparing yourself to others

If you are at the shops you will look at people around you and compare the amount of acne they have to what acne you perceive you have. You might think that if you had been given the thighs of the woman working in reception you would look so much better and be so much happier.

Sometimes this obsessive comparing can even affect your work and you might try to hide your ‘effected’ part of your body from yourself, with a sweater on your lap hiding your ‘fat’ stomach for example, simply so that you can try to do your work without constantly comparing yourself to your co-workers.

Negative thoughts about your body consume you daily

BDD can consume your every waking hour. Sometimes it can start slowly, just a niggle about a certain body part, but then it becomes bigger, you start thinking negatively about other body parts and before you know it you are too scared to sit between two people on the tube in case you can’t fit as you think you are too big.

Sometimes sufferers will even avoid showering because seeing themselves naked and imagining how much of their body they want to cut off is just too much to bear. You might even cross the road to avoid walking past people because you think you won’t both be able to stay on the pavement and you constantly watch your friend’s eyes to see how much they are staring at your ‘ugly’ body.

If you believe you may be suffering from BDD you must talk to someone about it right away. The condition can be treated and sufferers do overcome the disorder to then go on and lead a life not consumed with such obsessive thoughts about their body.

Indications You Might Be An ‘Undateable Girl’ (And How To Fix It)

If you find you are constantly finding fault with every woman you meet or you have unrealistic expectations on how your ideal woman should look and act, you are probably making yourself an ‘undateable girl.’ The girl that is impossible to date because you want and demand the impossible from your partner.

Being picky is OK, but having such high expectations that can never be met means you are simply going to struggle to find a woman to date. Perhaps you are simply expecting your future partner to cope with your lifestyle and you are not prepared to give and take.

You might not even be aware that you are making yourself undateable through your own actions so below are some signs that you might be the ‘undateable girl’ with some tips and ideas on how to help fix it.

You find fault with every girl you date

If you cast your mind back to your last few partners did you find fault with them all? Was one girl not intelligent enough, did the other have a crap job or didn’t have as much ambition as you wanted her to have? Nobody is perfect and you are likely to let miss right slip through your fingers if you are more focused on what she isn’t instead of what she is. The next time you date a girl focus on the qualities that she does have and think about whether you like them. She could be loving, loyal and great fun to be around but if you are blinded by your list of expectations you will miss all that she can offer you.

You are too full on

If you are quite emotional and have a tendency to pour all your feelings out really quickly you are likely to send most girls running for the hills. Don’t reveal too much about yourself on the first few dates. It’s better to keep an air of mystery around yourself as all girls like a bit of intrigue and this way you are likely to go past the second date too.

You love single life

Being single sure has its advantages but it can get lonely eventually, especially when all your friends have hooked up with partners and you are left on your own. If your need to stay single is preventing you from meeting someone perhaps you should think about the bigger picture and the future, not just the here are now. Besides, it is possible to be in a relationship and still enjoy spending time with your friends.

Your career is your life

Your work and career is and should be a top priority, but you should still make time for a partner. If you are only focused on your work twenty-four/seven that leaves no room for playing the dating game. This will put girls off if they feel you have no time for them. Try to find a balance between the two because your job can’t keep you warm at night.

You don’t have a lot of patience

Not having a lot of patience can be a hindrance in relationships. If you get annoyed with every single thing your boo says and does it’s not fair on her. Try to let some things go over you and relax a bit more. No one is perfect and we all do things that annoy others.

You are saving yourself for Miss Right

We all have expectations of how our dream girl will be, but let’s get real here, that’s just a fantasy. Living in a dream world expecting a perfect vision of your miss right to find her way into your life is not very realistic and means you are missing opportunities with other women that could be just as right for you. Remember that no one is perfect and it’s very unlikely anyone can meet all your expectations so stop being so stubborn and get to know a girl first before deciding if she is ‘miss right’ from the offset.

You are scared to get close to someone

Holding back completely is as bad as wearing your heart on your sleeve. You need to give yourself and your girl a chance. You may have gotten your heart broken in the past and this is stopping you from giving your heart to someone else, but each relationship is individual. Embrace each new woman with a positive outlook and see what happens. Even if it doesn’t work out at least you are not cutting yourself off from the dating game.

Breaking out of the ‘undateable girl’ zone is possible but only you can do it. So overcome the things that are holding you back and make yourself ‘dateable’ again.

Body Language Signs That Indicate She Can’t Be Trusted

It’s very hard in this day and age to work out if you can trust someone but scientists have discovered through a two part experiment that there are actually 4 body language indicators that could show deceit.

And according to the study, we psychologically pick up on these indicators and can lead us to feel uneasy about someone who we don’t know or meet for the first time.

The body language signs are hand touching, face touching, crossing arms and leaning backwards. The first part of the study was conducted with humans and the second part was conducted using a robot. When the robot used the four movements people claimed they didn’t trust what the robot was saying or doing.

People who took part in the study were also able to distinguish whether they distrusted someone or didn’t like them which shows that we might like someone we meet for the first time but wouldn’t trust them with our money, for example.

Body language is often used to indicate a person’s attitude in everyday situations as well, such as during job interviews or when being questioned by the police for example.

Apparently, we are conditioned to think that if someone is not making eye contact with us they have something to hide or if someone is crossing their arms and leaning back when we are talking to them we think they are not interested in what is being said or they are being defensive.

Overall, it’s important to remember that it’s not just about what we say to others when we are interacting but it’s also important to be aware of our movements and gestures as well, especially if we want to make a good impression at a job interview or when meeting an important client for the first time.

What Your Facebook Posts Can Secretly Reveal About Your Relationship

How many of us know at least one couple that post photos of themselves together constantly, want to share with the world how they both had the same breakfast or tag each other in silly little comments of love and adoration for each other? Well, according to a few experts these couples might not be as happy as we think and they are simply seeking validation for their relationship from other people.

Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and relationship expert from Australia believes that:

Often it’s the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media, the likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that’s where they get their up from – not the person making the gesture, but what other people say about it.”

Goldstein also suggested the couples who are so keen to take pictures of each other and immediately upload them to social media are often missing out and not living in the moment with their partners. They are more interested in what people have to say rather than enjoy the moment they are in.  She claims:

Couples are taking these photos, straight away putting them online and then watching the likes and comments instead of being with their partners.”

Apparently, couples that refer to their partner online as ‘my girl’ or ‘my babe’ can also be showing signs of possessiveness with the use of ‘my.’ Goldstein does give advice for couples that like to share photos of themselves with their partners. She suggests:

If you are going to post… keep it fun and entertaining for people, not mushy and possessive.”

This does go to show that social media isn’t really a reflection of true life. We can choose what we want people to know but sometimes our behaviour online can tell others a lot more than we are admitting or would want them to know. When you next see a gushing loved up photo of a couple you know, they might not be as happy and in love as you think.

There Is A Very Common Post-Sex Problem That We Don’t Talk About Enough

If you are honest, how many times have you had an enjoyable bout of lovemaking and afterwards felt tearful, sad, anxious or agitated and not understood why?

Well, there is a reason for this. It’s called Post-coital dysphoria and a recent study showed that it affected 46% of women who took part in a survey about their feelings after sex. Denise Knowles, a sex therapist and counsellor at relationships charity Relate, told The Independent:

It’s not uncommon to feel sad after sex.  it comes down the explosion of hormones in the body after sex, including endorphins, oxytocin and prolactin. Having sex is a hugely intimate act and an orgasm releases lots of wonderful feel-good bonding hormones. Those hormones drop following the peak of an orgasm, and as you separate from the closeness that brought it about, a sense of sadness can follow.”

Apparently, it’s almost like a form of separation anxiety when we feel really close to our partner, have experienced intense feelings of joy and pleasure and then it stops. Knowles went on the say:

You go from absolute joy and pleasure to being separated. That in its own way can cause women, and some men, to feel a bit sad. But it’s an organic biological function which happens to a greater or lesser extent to many people. It usually means that you’re in a very heightened state of emotional arousal and the come-down on the other side of that is what naturally happens.”

A sufferer of Post – coital dysphoria, Jerilyn, opened up about her episodes. She said:

Even when I was single, the post-sex depression morphed into a different shade of empty. I always attributed it to the fear of being abandoned. I started to wonder if something was being taken from me every time I had sex, even though I enjoyed the act itself.”

It is quite worrying that this issue is a lot more common than people realise and sufferers are probably worrying that how they sometimes feel after sex is not normal.

More needs to be done to bring awareness to this and sufferers should not be afraid to open to their partners about how they are left feeling sometimes after sex. So, girls, if you have suffered from this in the past or have experienced it recently, tell your partner. She can’t give you a hug or try to understand if you don’t let her know how you are feeling.

Why These Heterosexual Couples Are Demanding A Civil Partnership

A group of heterosexuals are fighting for the right to have civil partnerships available to them and not just to the LGBTQ community. Civil partnerships were introduced in the UK in 2004 to give same sex couples legal recognition and rights.

A few years after gay marriage was made legal in England and Wales. In January, a private members bill led by the Conservative MP Tim Loughton – and backed by MPs across the spectrum – will be debated in parliament which asks for 2004 Civil Partnerships Act to be amended to include heterosexual couples.

Charles Keiden and Rebecca Steinfield launched a petition to extend civil partnerships to heterosexuals and they amassed 75,000 signatures. The couple took their case to the High court stating that it was a violation of their human rights that heterosexuals were excluded from civil partnerships. They lost the case but have appealed and are now waiting to find out the verdict.

The couple told the Independent Newspaper that:

We have been together for over six years and have a 19-month old daughter. Like many others, we don’t feel that marriage is right for us. We see each other as partners in life and want to be recognised as partners in law – not as husband and wife. Civil partnerships already exist, they are a modern social institution giving almost identical rights as marriage, but without the baggage. They should be opened up to opposite-sex couples, so that everyone has the choice, it is basic fairness that everyone should be treated equally under the law.”

Another couple, Matt Hawkins and Clare Phipps also told the independent:

We want legal and financial protection and recognition for our relationship but marriage comes with so many cultural associations, traditions, and expectations that just don’t feel right for us. A civil partnership would give our relationship that protection and in a way that we feel more comfortable with. “

Martin Loat, 55, and Claire Beale have already had a civil ceremony that was held on the Isle of Man. Martin stated:

We don’t see the need to take vows (religious or civil) underwritten by God or the state to validate that we have a firm relationship.  Marriages fail any way. A civil partnership sums up who we are. Claire doesn’t like being known as a “wife” and I don’t like marriage’s references to one’s private sexual activity with consummation and adultery being mentioned in marriage laws. That is up to us, not some cleric from the Middle Ages!”

It appears these couples are simply wanting recognition for their love and commitment to each other without the need for vows or taking the traditional heterosexual route of marriage. It will be interesting to see if the law is changed in the future to allow heteros the right to have a civil partnership and even more interesting to see how many couples will take these over the traditional institution of marriage.

What The Women Who Discovered G-Spots Wants You To Know About Sex

Dr Beverly Whipple a researcher who helped to identify the G-spot and female ejaculation gave an interview to The Independent and summed up what her decades of research has taught her. Dr Whipple said she has dedicated her whole life to focusing on validating the pleasurable, sensual, and sexual experiences that women report and there are some things that still surprise women when they experience a new sensation or experience for the first time. When asked what an orgasm actually is, she said,

The definition of orgasm is what a woman says is an orgasm. Below are the main points that Dr Whipple thinks are important for a woman to know about sex and orgasms.”

Orgasms can block pain

During her work with a top psychologist, Dr Barry Komisaruk, the pair discovered that orgasms double a woman’s pain threshold and during labour the baby passes the g-spot which means without this childbirth would be even more painful. Whipple said:

When we measure orgasms we see a significant increase in heart rate, blood pressure, diameter of the pupil, and in pain thresholds. Those are the major physiological measurements that we have made.”

Women can achieve orgasm through their imagination

While working at the faculty at Rutgers College in New York she investigated some reports from women that women could reach orgasm without being touched and using only their imaginations. Researchers tested this by measuring the size of women’s pupils, blood pressure and heart rate during orgasm from their imagination and from being stimulated manually in the G-spot. MRA scans later proved that the same areas of the brain are activated. It was therefore backed up that orgasms could be achieved through using the imagination only.

Any erogenous zone can achieve an orgasm in a woman

While working with sex therapist Gina Ogden, they pieced together 15 different types of touch across 35 different body areas that could lead to orgasm. Whittle said that many women never discover these as clitoral or vaginal stimulation is the quickest way to achieve orgasm. She said:

The whole point is to help women to realise that what they find pleasurable, sensually and sexually is what they should enjoy and not feel that they have to fit into one model of only one way to respond. We must give women the permission to enjoy what they enjoy. It is all very individual and it’s all normal.”

Blended orgasms are real

Whittle also discovered during her work with Gina that it was possible for a woman to achieve orgasms together from stimulation of more than one body part. She called these blended orgasms. Dr Whittle claims

Women can have stimulation of more than one area of the body at the same time, and experience orgasm where you are stimulating more than one nerve pathway. That might involve clitoral and vaginal stimulation.”

Sex is more than just reaching an orgasm

Dr Whittle stresses that rushing to the final ‘goal’ of an orgasm takes away a lot of other pleasures you could be enjoying. She believes that sex should be more about the experience and the different sensations rather than worrying about whether or not you achieved orgasm. Her advice on this is:

 It starts with a touch, a kiss, and the penetration of the vagina is the top step. If people who are goal orientated don’t reach that top step don’t feel very good about the whole process. When you use the words ‘reach’ or ‘achieve’ you’re setting up orgasm as a goal, if you use ‘experience’ it happens but it doesn’t have to be the goal.”

This all sounds like great advice and some of the things mentioned is quite surprising. Here’s to many more enjoyable, self-discovering sexual experiences for all of us.

Five Very Real Problems When You Have More Than One Sexual Partner

Some girls are one woman only types, whereas the mere thought of only being with one sexual partner can send other girls into a state of panic. For those of you that have more than one partner at any given time these set ups are known as polyamory.

It means a relationship that involves more than one partner, each person involved knows of the other and there are normally clear boundaries involving a lot of open and honest communication.

Research has in fact shown that these types of relationships can be healthier than monogamous relationships as those involved tend to tackle issues directly in order to keep the relationship going. But polyamory does not come without its own set of problems.

Time Is of The Essence

We all know that daily life takes up most of our time. Working, housekeeping and family keep the majority of us occupied most days. So, imagine splitting yourself between two or more others as well? If you want to spend quality time with someone and keep the relationship alive that time has to be applied to all parties involved. When is there time to sleep?

It’s Not Cheap

Going out on multiple dates, double the birthday and Christmas presents and double the amount spent in general. Money is tight for most folk and those who have more than one partner have double the money to spend.

Polyamory Means Different Things To Different People

One of the main issues in polyamorous relationships occurs when a person has a set idea on what it means but potential partners have another idea on what it means to them. For example, if one partner thinks it’s ok to have lots of sexual partners, but the other partner thinks only having meaningful relationships with others is acceptable this can quickly ruin the set up. The only way for open relationships to work is to make sure there are clear boundaries that all parties agree to.

Acceptance From Others

Not everyone is willing to accept relationships such as these so finding partners can be difficult along with other people not understanding and having a negative opinion of it. If for example you all decide to live together the law does not accept polygamy and problems can arise from family issues in court to landlords booting you out if they are not happy about the set-up.

Sexual Health

The more sexual partners you have the more at risk you put yourself from STI’s. This means that care has to be taken between all parties involved and some people may even insist on yearly sexual screening tests to make sure they stay safe. This in itself can cause issues if one of your sexual partners does happen to contract an STI which you then catch and pass on to one of your other sexual partners. Using as much protection as possible is the only way to stay safe.

A Simple Exercise That Can Help You Have Amazing Sex

It’s strange that sex is one of the most natural things the majority of us do and yet so many of us get embarrassed talking about it and according to a recent study carried out by Relate 51% are not happy with their sex lives.

It looks like we could all benefit from something a sex expert called Dr Steven De Wit has suggested that he calls the ‘sex menu.’

A sex menu is a list of things you love, hate or would be up for trying during sex. Dr Wit has composed a really detailed list that he says only takes twenty minutes to fill in.

He suggests that you are completely honest with yourself and rate each thing accordingly. There are suggested turn-ons such as bondage, caning and biting which you can rate as love, hate or willing to try.

On his website he gives advice on how to then share this list with your partner or with any new partner you meet. This list focuses more on pleasure giving and experimentation rather than just aiming to achieve an orgasm and he claims that there will be things on the list that you had not thought of previously trying but like the sound of, or there will be other things on the list that you will find gross.

He says that being honest with yourself is the best way to get the most from the list and a way to ensure that you can keep your sex life varied and fun with your partner.

You can visit his website and fill in the sex menu here:

‘How To Not’ – A New Web Series For Queer Girls

Do you ever feel like everyone has got it all together accept you? Your friends have a life plan that works, a career they love and saving in the bank. You hate your job, have pennies in the bank and still rely on your Mum to do your washing. Sound familiar? If yes, this new web series is just for you.

The main character (who strangely has no name!) is a 20 something girl in a causal relationship with an idiot bloke called Cage, has a boss who is an arsehole, has a best friend (Lila) that has her whole life planned out and feels totally lost and forgotten. In a moment of madness, she changes her dating preferences on Tinder to ‘prefers women’ and quickly meets a cute girl called Jamie.

Jamie is pretty much a lesbian’s dream. She’s creative, plays guitar and sings and has a steady job as a paramedic that she loves. But our main character is not sure what she wants and Jamie is moving too fast for her. Although she is texting Jamie all the time she is still preoccupied with Cage, despite the fact he seems more interested in cocaine and his best friend than he is in her.

She feels even worse when the night of her birthday party Lila announces her engagement to perfect boyfriend and she feels quite jealous that Lila has her life so sorted, even though she knows deep down she should be happy for her friend.  Gia Vangieri created and starred in the programme and she wanted the main character to reflect what many of us feel like during our 20’s. It’s hard to be in your 20s. We’ve all felt that pressure She felt to “get it together” and to be supportive of your best friend who seems to be in a different place than you are.

Plus, dating someone who has it all together, especially dating someone of the same sex for the first time.  Eventually our un-named heroine simply figures out how to enjoy life without putting too much pressure on herself.

How to Not is available on Vimeo On Demand. It’s $4 to rent, but paid content supports queer creators, and it’s worth a watch!

‘Sidetrack’, The Newly Premiered Webseries

Sidetrack is now available to watch on youtube and it is a 10 episode series based on the lives and loves of queer women in Brooklyn.

The 20 somethings are all very diverse and there are some great references to pop culture and some uber sexy moments.

With characters, such as a soccer playing scientist, a dancer, a comedian and a female lothario there are laughs and loves aplenty to be found in the debut season. There is a smartly observed naturalism to the writing, full of wry humor and a few winking asides to its forebearer, The L Word.

Film using an arty hew with a single camera makes the cinematography something to admire as well. Sidetrack is definitely not to be missed.

Step Back In Time With These Lesbian Period Dramas

Period dramas really do have it all. Hair thick and lustrous enough to move you to tears. Outfits that you’d never want to wear but want to look at more than skinny jeans. Enormous emotions communicated via a series of tense looks, vast countryside vistas, formal dances and epic, sweeping soundtracks that make you feel as though all of your emotions are incredibly important.

So, it’s time to loosen your corsets and unbutton your breeches, as here are some of the best lesbian dramas to entertain you tonight.


Carol is set in the Christmas season of 1962. This 2015 film is based on the popular novel, The Price of Salt, written by Patricia Goldsmith. The film stars Cate Blanchett who plays a photographer and mother that is separated from her husband. She starts a forbidden affair with a shop girl and this romantic drama is guaranteed to get your pulses racing.

Heavenly Creatures

This 199 film is based on the 1954 Parker – Hulme murder case when two girls, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme, become very close to each other as they create their own fantasy world. Things are fine until Juliet’s father approaches Pauline’s parents and tells them the girls relationship is inappropriate. The girls are then torn apart and they reach breaking point leading to a grizzly end.

Reaching For The Moon

This film is based on the true story of a stormy relationship between a Brazilian Architect and an American poet. The film is set in the period of 1951 – 1957 and the scenery is simply stunning.

Tipping The Velvet

This film is based on the book written by Sarah Walters and is set in Victorian England. A young woman, Nan, falls in love with a male impersonator, Kitty, and Nan follows her to London as she also follows her heart.


This biobic is based on the life and loves of blues Singer Bessie Smith. Smith is played by Queen Latifah and explores Bessie’s relationship with Lucille.

The Girl King

This 2015 biopic tells the story of Christina, Queen OF Sweden, who finds herself falling in love with Countess Ebba Sparre, who becomes one of her ladies in waiting and eventually her lover.


This post war biopic is based on the writer Daphne Du Maurier and her various affairs along with her unrequited love that she has for her publisher’s wife.


This is another film based on a Sarah Walters Novel. Two women from opposite classes find themselves in an unlikely romance as their paths cross.

The World Unseen

The world unseen is set in 1950’s South Africa and tells the story of two women who fall in love despite the racism, sexism and homophobia that surround them.

The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister

This biopic is set in the 19th century and follows the loves and life of Anne Lister Drew, a fiercely independent industrialist.

9 Ways To Tell If The Girl You Like Is Interested In You

It’s so hard to tell sometimes if a girl is into you or just being polite. The only way to be 100% sure is to just ask her outright, but hay, if she says ‘I like you and all that, but…’ then there is a good chance your self-esteem will hit the ground and your embarrassment level reaches the roof, so we’ve come up with some signs that might help you work out if she’s into you or not.

She Always Discusses Her Queerness With You

If she talks about being queer a lot with you, how she came out, what being queer means to her or how she perceives being queer there is a good chance this is a hint, especially if she looks intensely at you while she is speaking.

She Gives You Direct Compliments

Does she tell you she thinks you are beautiful, or she loves your eyes or tells you how smart you are? If yes, we tend to do this indirectly towards someone we like. Another clincher is if you are a redhead for example and she drops into conversation ‘oh, I have a real thing for redheads.’

She is Awkward Around You

Sometimes when someone likes you they become really awkward in your presence so if she gets tongue tied, blushes or simply becomes socially awkward when she is with you or around you this could be an indication you are rocking her boat.

She Remembers Things You Have Said

When a person pays attention to what you are saying and absorbs the information it is normally a sign that they are interested in what you are talking about and are interested in you. The chances are that she remembers your favourite wine or she asks you how your presentation went at work that she told you about you might well be in there.

She Spends A Lot Of Time With You

Whether she spends time with you on your own or in a group, if she always seems to be where you are this is a good hint that she likes you and enjoys your company.

She Acts Differently Around You

Many girls behave differently around the person they are attracted to, for example, they are more giggly, flirty or touchy – feely, so try and watch how she behaves around others. If she seems to be different around you there is a chance you might be onto something.

She Touches You A Lot

We don’t mean that she grabs your butt as you walk past, but if she seems to touch your arm when she speaks, or moves your hair from your face these signs can be a form of flirting for some women.

Lots Of Communication

Do you get lots of texts from her, or lots of interaction from her on social media? We all live busy lives so meeting face to face can be difficult so if the girl you like has suddenly been communicating with you a lot more then she might well be keen on you too.

It Seems More Than Like

A person that gives you thoughtful little gifts, makes eye contact with you constantly, always wants to buy you drinks and you ‘sense’ she likes you there is a probably a good chance she does! Sometimes trusting our inner voice is the most reliable source we have so if your heart tells you she’s into you, go for it because deep down you know all the signs are there.

12 Charming Ways to Impress Her on the First Date

First dates can be terrifying as well as exciting, especially if you are really into the girl. So what is the best way to behave to make sure you leave her desperate to see you again? Follow these tips below for the best way to bag that second date.

Don’t Panic

Try not to panic as there is nothing worse than going on a date with someone that is acting clumsy and has sweaty hands because she is nervous, so try to stay calm. It is only a date after all.

Do Your Research

Without acting like a stalker check out her social media pages and ask any mutual friends a little bit about her so you can find out what kind of person she is.

Be Early

There is nothing better than seeing your date sat waiting for you when you arrive as it shows that your date is keen, so arrive a little bit early and whatever you do, don’t be late.

Mention Things You Know About Her

If you found out that she loves animals or has a hobby, mention it to her. She’ll be really flattered that you tried to find out some things about her.

Ask Her Questions About Her Likes And Dislikes

The best way to get to know someone is to ask them. So if you love to surf or travel, ask her if she enjoys it as well. Ask her what her favourite films are and what she enjoys doing the most. It will show her that you are keen to get to know her and girls just love to feel they are interesting to someone else.

Tell Her She Looks Nice

Your date may have made an effort and bought something new, or she might have just arrived in her casual clothes that she feels comfortable in. But if you think she looks great, tell her so. She’ll love the fact you notice how she looks.

Accept Any Compliments She Gives You

If your date compliments you on your outfit or hairstyle accept the compliment and thank her. Having the ability to accept a compliment shows a little confidence in yourself and that is a good characteristic to have.

Choose Foods To Eat That You Are Comfortable With

Depending on what you have agreed to do for the evening, if it involves eating make sure you choose foods that you enjoy or are comfortable eating. If you know when you eat a burger that most of it ends up down your tee-shirt a first date is not the time to show her this and besides you won’t enjoy your meal or her company if you are too busy stressing over getting in a mess.

Be Open To Her Suggestions

It’s not so important where you go on your first date but if she suggests she would like to go and see a local band play then go along with it, even if it’s not your idea of a first date. You can always be the one to decide where to go for your second date.

Flirt A Little

Don’t be afraid to flirt with her a little bit. It will make her feel special and will let her know that you are into her. You will also be able to tell how she feels about you if she flirts back and there is nothing better than building up to a goodnight snog at the end of the evening.

Be Yourself

Whatever you do, don’t try to pretend to be something you are not. If she’s a techno geek and you can barely work your cell phone, don’t tell her you’re a geek as well. Let her get to know and see the real you. After all, getting to know each other is all part of the fun.

Have Fun

Finally, try to have fun. If you are getting on well and you enjoy yourself, it’s a great sign that this could be the start of something great. Even if it turns out you are not that compatible romantically you might have made a new friend and having fun together is important no matter which direction your relationship takes.

Instagram Accounts That Will Inspire Your Inner Tomboy

For style ideas, tips and all things ‘tomboyish’ here are some Instagram accounts to bring out the best in you.

Best For General Tomboy Styles

The Tomboyish (@the.tomboyish)

This Instagram account is full of great ideas for an all-round Tomboy style.

Best For Effortless Dancer Looks

Ava Gordy (@avagordy)

Ava Gordy is youtuber, podcaster and dancer and her style and look comes across as effortless.

Best For Hair Styles

Joe Villatoro (@joevillatoro)

For hombre hair and slouchy pants this is the Instagram account to follow.

Best For Designer Looks

All Saints (@allsaints)

For the higher end budget buyers this is the account for you.

For The Androgynous You

Erika Linder (@richiephoenix)

Erika Linder is a model and has just branched into acting. For some cool looks check her out.

For Food And Travel

Christina Cardona (@troprogue)

For stunning photos of food, exotic places and a unique take on the tomboy look, this is the Instagram account for you.

For The Sporty Look

Ginney Noa (@ginneynoa)

Blogger Ginney Noa has a really cool sporty look and an amazing collection of sneakers.

For everyday inspiration 

Kitsch Kandy (@kitschkandy)

This clothing label has some cool clothing and provides plenty of inspiration for those preferring the minimal amount of effort and minimal price tags as well.

Queer Female Celebrities That Are Cool At Being Single

It’s not all about being in a relationship and these queer celebs show us just how much fun it can also be when you are single.

Azmarie Livingston

Azmarie is known from cycle 18, when 14 models from the UK and USA for the top model title. Azmarie was dating Raven Symone at the time but is now single and she seems to be killing the singledom lifestyle.

Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle has had a few causal relationships but rumour has it she is very much single at the moment and judging by some recent snaps that have hit the press she seems to be loving every minute of it.

Evan Rachel Wood

Evan’s marriage ended in 2014 and since then she has been rumoured to have been dating a few other women, but nothing serious. Apparently, she is concentrating on bringing up her son and focusing on her acting career. Good on her.

Samantha Ronson

Since Samantha split with Lilo she has turned her life around and is no longer going out getting wasted and appearing in our daily newspapers. Instead her DJ career has gone from strength to strength and she has quit smoking. See how positive being single can be sometimes?

Amber Rose

Our favourite out bisexual has been the talk of the town during 2016 for her antics on twitter and her own off romances. However, it seems she is currently single at the moment and really doesn’t need anyone else to make her happy or secure.

Brandy Clark

Brandy has done an amazing job of putting the queer trail all over the country music scene and she is currently on tour. She hasn’t been officially tied to anyone so she is another queer gal managing quite well as a single and taking the world by a storm at the same time.

The Emotional Roller Coaster Women Endure When PMSing At The Same Time As Their Girlfriend

Coping with PMS is a nightmare for any woman, queer or straight, but when you are PMSing with your boo as well it is a complete nightmare. As our cycles strangely synch with our partners over time it means that we are not only coping with our own hormones flying all over the place but we are coping with our partner’s as well.

Plus, who can give us those reassuring hugs that we so desperately need right before our period? Not your partner if she is PMSing as well that’s for sure, because there is a chance you would both self-combust due to our higher body temperatures during this time.

Below is the journey we endure with our partners as we cope with our joint PMS together.

Impeding Feelings Of Doom

Those feelings that something terrible is going to happen are horrible and what is worse is when you mention them to your partner, she also feels the same. So, there are no reassuring hugs that everything is OK, there is no logical talking that nothing bad is going to happen, it’s just your PMS taking over. Instead the pair of you simply sink into a depression together until your period arrives and life seems less scary again.

Fighting About Nothing

To say our tolerance during PMS is low is probably an understatement. Which means things that normally never bother you become the biggest problems ever as you shout at your girlfriend for leaving the milk out of the fridge and she hollers back at you for not putting the bread back in the bread bin. Sound familiar? Yes, we know why we are acting the way we are, but boy, it’s just so hard to stop because our PMS pretty much turn us into hormone raged monsters with no self-control or logic apparent for at least a few days.

Searching For Subtext In Your Fights

While we are arguing over nonsense with our boo we can’t focus on anything else at that time, but when we eventually calm down we then start thinking that perhaps it’s not just because of our PMS and perhaps there are deeper reasons why our girlfriend is so argumentative.  As we are thinking these things it slips our mind that our partner is likely to be having the exact same thoughts as well.

The Big Talk

Not content with fighting, wallowing and imagining all sorts many of us then decide to go one step further and end up having a deep and meaningful talk with our girlfriend about all kinds of heavy things that we wouldn’t dare say normally. Before you know it, you are talking about marriage and children and life insurance, even if a few hours ago, you were both biting each other’s heads off. The result? These talks normally end in tears with both of you feeling rejected that you don’t both want the same things and it is a sure sign that your relationship is doomed, when the reality is you are simply seeking validation from your partner because of the way you are feeling but unfortunately, she is seeking the same and neither of you can give the other what they need just now.


Then a few days later the reasons become crystal clear as your period arrives. While most women groan as they see the blood, chicas PMSing together leap for joy because it means your relationship is not doomed, your boo is not sleeping with your best friend and nothing bad is going to happen at all. It was simply your period.

Sexual Tension

Unfortunately, that feeling of joy doesn’t stay for long as it then means you and your partner can’t have sex and as with all things forbidden, this simply means we want it more. So, we go through the sexual tension when all we want to do is show our girlfriend how much we love them and all we want to do is to make them groan in pleasure as our way of apologizing. But we can’t because nature is not going to allow either of us to do any going down for the next week. Back comes the depression.

Post period sex

The last part of our roller coaster ride is the best. It’s like the sun is out, the sky is blue and the flowers smell wonderful, no matter what time it year it is. The bleeding has stopped and now you can both have the most mind-blowing sex ever – well the best for at least a month since you had your last bout of post period sex. This lasts for around 18 days until you get that text from your girlfriend telling you she doesn’t think you respect her hamster. And the whole sorry cycle starts all over again…

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9 Reasons Why Butch/Femme Relationships Still Rock

Lots of femme queers adore butch women and vice versa so here are the top reasons why butch and femme relationships are simply the best.

Butch – Femme Couples get attention

There is nothing better than making a bold statement and when people look and question ‘is it a guy and a girl’ or ‘is that two girls?’ it gives the straights something to think about and that is a deffo positive.

The relationship is non-conventional

Despite people thinking that a butch/femme couple are simply copying hetro conventions of a guy/girl partnership, nothing is further from the truth. Butch women don’t want to be men, they just like the more masculine image. Plus, femme girls don’t want to be with a man, or they would be. So, a butch/femme set up is unconventional.

Idiots simply don’t get it

Amazingly, many people don’t understand a butch – femme relationship at all and in some cases, they are convinced that the butch girl is a man anyway, despite what they are told. However, playing with people’s perceptions, expectations and assumptions are all part of the territory when it comes to butch-femme relationships.

Your styles are completely different

The days of sharing clothes, grooming products and perfume are long gone in a butch- femme relationship. There is no chance you are going to look like identical twins when you go out and its cool that neither of you have to worry that your favourite boyfriend jeans or designer heels are going to be pinched by your partner.

There are no arguments over identities

Who is Jack and who is Rose? No questions needed on that one in a butch/femme relationship. It’s quite clear from the offset.

Boxers Vs Lace

Firstly, take off the jeans then slip off the dress. Down to lingerie and jockeys. There is nothing hotter than that. Besides, when they come off you are both the same and know exactly what to do. Totally hot and totally cool and a time for gender playtime.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

Surely these two are the hottest pair around and a fine example of a butch/femme partnership enjoying everything it has to offer.

Opposites attract

They sure do. One likes the hairdressers, painted nails and sexy dresses. The other likes jeans, sports and drinking from a pint. But the most important thing is you like each other and adore your differences.

It annoys bigots

Apparently to femme women are more acceptable than a butch and femme together? Why? Because bigots think two women are only around to give men a hard dick. Sorry to limp your stick but bigots – get used to it! The butch/femme combo is here to stay and if it annoys you – tough!

Safe Sex For Queer Women

A new safe sex video has just been released to bring awareness about protection during sex for queer women. Standard sex education in schools for example are only ever aimed at heterosexuals and offer no advice for lesbian or bisexual women at all. Queer men are made aware about using condoms, but what is out there for queer women to protect them from STDS or infections?

A BuzzFeed Yellow video series entitled “In The Closet,” with Jen and Niki (who both identify as lesbians), took on the topic of ‘safe sex for women’ in a charming, hilarious, but also very important video advising queer women how to stay safe while having sex.

Here are two important pointers that they make in the video:

Dental Dams

Dental Dams are the female version of a condom. A dental dam is a thin piece of latex which can be pressed up against the vagina during oral sex. It can help prevent sexually transmitted diseases and infections penetrating through the tongue of a woman giving oral sex and help prevent the woman who is receiving the oral sex from contracting anything via her partner’s tongue.

Asking your partner when they last got tested

This is obviously the first thing that a woman should do before she has sex with another woman. It’s so important for women, both queer and straight to get tested regularly to make sure they are not carrying any STDs or infections and being open and honest with a new sexual partner is important to keep yourself protected.

8 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Achieving Orgasm

Every day we are bombarded by the media that everyone is enjoying perfect sex with perfect unity resulting in perfect orgasms. But the truth is that’s not real life! Many women find it hard to orgasm, some women only orgasm occasionally and others have never orgasmed at all. There are many other things to enjoy while having sex and achieving orgasm is just a bonus, not the one and only focus. So here are 8 other reasons that explains why the big ‘O’ is not the most important thing between the sheets.

Being Intimate

Intimacy is so much more important than an orgasm. It’s what makes us feel emotionally and physically close to our partner, the feel of their skin against yours and the pleasure we get from exploring our partner’s bodies. Enjoy the intimacy and take in your partner’s whole body, not just worry about the genital area.

Feeling Pressured

If from the first kiss the moment you start to get passionate your brain starts to think ‘I need to orgasm’ then you are putting yourself and your partner under unnecessary and unhelpful pressure. Besides this, you are very unlikely to orgasm if your mind is thinking the whole time that you must because then you won’t be relaxed enough to enjoy the experience. Even if you don’t orgasm you will still have a good time so stop pressurizing yourself.


Sometimes it’s enough to just know that your partner desires you, wants to please you and think you are sexy as hell. That can be an amazing feeling and does wonders for the self-esteem so if you do orgasm at the end of it it’s a double bonus, but if you don’t you will still be sexy and desirable to your partner, so all is good.

No Orgasm Is Better Than Faking It

Some women think their partner will feel useless if they do not orgasm and so therefore they will fake one rather than let them think they are no good in bed. This is not healthy in a relationship at all. IF your partner finds out she won’t feel good about it because a relationship should be based on honesty and pretending to cum when you haven’t isn’t really being honest, is it?

Dirty Talk

Talking dirty to your partner can be a turn on for both of you. It’s something you can pretty much do any time any place. You can send her a text at work, whisper in her ear when you are out together or even put sexy notes in her bag. There is something quite thrilling about dirty talk and can be a major turn on without the need of even touching.

Enjoy Your Partner’s Big ‘O’

Try not to feel envious if your partner manages to orgasm and you don’t. Enjoy her pleasure and feel good that you took her there. Sex can be enjoyed in so many ways and knowing you drive your partner mad with desire is something to feel good about, regardless if you orgasm yourself or not.

Play Time

Bringing play into the bedroom can be tremendous fun, whether it’s handcuffs, blindfolds, ice cubes or feathers, all can give a great deal of sensory pleasure and evoke sensations that are enjoyable.

Being Together

Many couples will say the best times they have had with their partner is when they are doing things like watching a movie together, doing silly things like having a water fight or simply just eating pizza and watching a box set. Most of our best memories are not based on the best orgasm we had.

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Enjoying Oral Sex When You Feel Self Conscious

It’s surprising how many women feel self-conscious about receiving oral sex and some feel so uncomfortable they choose not to take part in oral sex at all. There appears to be a variety of reasons why women are self-conscious about it. Some women worry they won’t taste good, or their vagina doesn’t look ‘normal’ or they might not smell nice to their partner when they are ‘down there.’ But the truth of the matter is most women know that vagina’s come in all different shapes and sizes, there is no ‘perfect looking’ vagina at all. Women also have a unique taste and smell when aroused, again this is normal and your partner is not even thinking about these things while she is intent on giving you pleasure.

If you enjoy giving oral sex and it’s only receiving it that you find uncomfortable try to remember how you feel about giving it. Are you thinking your partner smells funny or thinking about the shape or size of her vagina? The answer is probably no, so it’s important for you to remember that she is not going to be thinking any differently than you do when she performs on you! So, if you have any of these doubts and worries that stop you from enjoying oral sex, don’t panic. We have some tips to help you overcome your insecurities.

Tell Your Partner How You Feel

Before attempting anything, it is vital you talk to your partner. Tell her how you feel and what your worries are. Be open and honest. She will probably help put your mind at rest when she tells you that she’s only interested in giving you pleasure and focuses on that point only and nothing else crosses her mind.

Learn To Relax

Firstly, it’s important to be relaxed. Relaxation techniques and exercises can really help you with this. Yoga is one example, or meditation. Our brains tend to overthink when we are not feeling relaxed so getting into the practise of relaxing is half the battle. Start learning to feel completely relaxed through whatever technique suits you best as once you master this it will be easier for the next stage.

Clear Your Mind

OK, this can be easier said than done, but with a bit of practise it is easy to achieve. Try to focus on what you are feeling, don’t let negative thoughts slip into your head. The best way to clear your mind is when you start to have thoughts creep in, take some silent deep breaths and count in your head, one for breathing in, two for breathing out. This way you are training your mind to focus on what you want it to focus on and not allowing your mind to run away with itself. It won’t take long for the pleasurable feelings you are having to push all other thoughts out of your mind and this takes you promptly to the next step.

Concentrate On The Sensations

Come on. It feels good, right? So, go with the flow.  Allow yourself to enjoy what is happening. Let yourself drift with the feelings of pleasure and relax enough so you can enjoy them. If you are relaxed, can clear your mind of negative thoughts and doubts then enjoying the sensation is the final step to take you to the point that you want to achieve.

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Gay Anxiety: Our Daily Queer Struggle

So many people suffer from anxiety in their everyday lives, but ‘Gay Anxiety’ is something very specific to many people that identify as queer. So what is it, exactly?

Well, to sum it up into a few words, Gay Anxiety is that thing you get when you dread any situation that might involve questions about your personal life.

Questions such as ‘do you have a boyfriend’ or ‘what does your husband do?’ when someone notices you are wearing a wedding ring. These types of questions fill some gays with absolute dread. To the extent that they will avoid any situation in which they might get asked something that involves disclosing your sexuality to a stranger or a group of people that you don’t really know that well.

To the anxious person situations like these feel them with dread. They have an ongoing battle within themselves. Two little voices battling to be heard. ‘Tell them you are a lez, you coward!’ shouts one voice. ‘Just say you are single and avoid the stares’ says the other. And it’s nothing to do with being in the closet or not being comfortable with who you are. It’s all to do with other people and their reactions and opinions.

Just like we don’t have signs on our heads saying we’re gay, homophobes don’t have signs on their heads either. Let’s be frank, who wants to tell their scissor welding hairdresser they are queer as she’s measuring your fringe against your eyes? What if she’s completely anti-gay and decides to give you a haircut that would rival something your mom could do armed with a pudding bowl? No siree, it’s far easier to say nothing. But if we are honest, how many times do we actually meet people that want to tar and feather us simply because we like the muff?

This is the problem with gay anxiety. All common sense goes out the window. We forget that this is 2016 and in actual fact not many people are really that bothered who you’re sleeping with. Because anxious people tend to dwell more on the ‘what if’s’ rather than the ‘logic.’ However, in the political climate we are living in queer peeps are bound to feel more anxious about declaring their sexuality to strangers.

We all read the press. We all see the news. We know what rhetoric Trump and his gang are coming out with. But what we don’t know is how many people in the general public think the same way. I guess it’s just easier to presume the worst and stay safe. But this isn’t the way forwards, not really.

We can’t go back 20 years and hide in shame. We do need to be out and proud.  So, the next time your hairdresser or your manicurist or the new girl from accounts asks you if you have a boyfriend, take a deep breath and tell the truth.

The worst that can happen? You get a negative comment. But overcoming an anxiety we shouldn’t feel is far more rewarding than bowing down to some homophobe who doesn’t deserve your time or custom. We can do it girls, let’s make ‘gay anxiety’ a thing of the past.

Five Reasons To Celebrate The Female Orgasm

Let’s face it, there are many different ways we achieve orgasm. Through clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation, through dreams, with a partner, when alone and nots let forget the ones we sometimes fake. Because we have all done that at some point if we’re honest!

But the female orgasm is something of a wonder. There is no biological reason we orgasm; its sole purpose is to give us pleasure. Which means we should definitely celebrate this natural wonder.

Here are five reasons women should give a toast to the natural wonder we all have the ability to achieve.

More Woman Achieve Orgasms Today Than They Did 20 Years Ago

During the 1990’s a study called The National Health and Social Life Survey was published by researchers in Chicago. The study found that 75 percent of men were having orgasms consistently with their partners, while women were only having consistent orgasms 29 percent of the time with their partners.

Move forwards to 2015 and a study carried out by Skyn Condoms found that 89 percent of women have experienced orgasm during sex. This could be due to devices such as the vibrator, but it still shows that women are enjoying far more orgasms today than they did twenty years ago.

We Are Able To Help Ourselves To Better Orgasms

Women are now much more aware of what makes them come, probably due to the fact we masturbate more and use sex toys. In fact, a study conducted by Cosmopolitan found that women were very aware of what prevented them from orgasm. Women claimed it was because of lack of clitoral stimulation, the clitoral stimulation given was not the right kind needed and some women even said it was because of mental blocks or because they were too worried about how they looked during sex.

We Can Achieve Multiple Orgasms Without The Need To Take A Break

Multiple Orgasms, oh yeah! Luckily for women we don’t need to wait a while to become aroused again. Our orgasms can happen over and over again simultaneously. Surely this is something to definitely be grateful for?

Females Also Orgasm During Sleep

It’s a myth that only men achieve the ‘wet dream’ during sleep. Women do as well. Plus, some studies have proven that these types of orgasm during our sleeping hours can be even more intense than the ones during our waking hours. And don’t forget we can have sex with whomever we like in our dreams without feeling like we’ve cheated on our boo or did something bad. Power to women’s erotic dreams.

Women Enjoy Mutual Masturbation Which Is Satisfying And Risk Free

Women are also quite happy to mutually masturbate with their partners. Not only is this a good way to discover your partner’s bodies and what they like in order to achieve orgasm, it’s also a good way to bond and feel close to your partner. And let’s not forget there is no risk of STD’s if you are only touching your own genitals and not your partners. Mutual masturbation is an all-round winner, surely?

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According To Research We Can Think Our Way Into Good Sex

A new study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology supports the theory that if you actually believe in the relationship you’re in, the sex you have and your sex life as a whole will be that much more rewarding. After conducting six different studies with around 2,000 people, researchers found people who truly believe in sexual growth are the happiest and the most sexually satisfied in their relationships.

So the clue is believing in your relationship and your sex life apparently. However, that isn’t really as simple as it sounds to be honest. It’s hard to believe in a relationship and everything that goes with it if you are going through a difficult time, isn’t it?

But according to one of the authors if the study, Jessica Maxwell, going through issues is a normal part of all relationships and shouldn’t stop you from still thinking positively about it. She writes:

We know that disagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat inevitable over time. Your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it.”

Many people do believe in the power of positive thinking so perhaps there really is some truth in this latest research. Plus, thinking positively is good in all areas of our lives not just in our relationship and let’s not forget that thinking positively means we are confident that things can be dealt with and sorted out so in a way these findings do make perfect sense.

Well then girls, if you want better sex, believe in the relationship you are in and the sex will automatically be better. I wonder if it’s possible to think our way to good orgasms? Now there’s a thought…

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