Author Archives: Gemma Middleton

About Gemma Middleton

I'm a writer, film maker, producer and a self believer. I live with my girlfriend and two children in Valencia, Spain and I write as I live my life. With passion, honesty and full of fun.

Early Intimacy Vs Long Term Relationships Goals

Deciding when to have sex with the girl you’ve just started dating can be quite difficult.

How many dates should we have before we have sex? The first date, the third date, the sixth date?

The simplest answer is when you both feel ready, but if you and your new boo are the type of gals to have sex very early on then it’s a given you will both do it, but having sex too early on can actually be a bad thing.

Real Intimacy is not just sex

Having sex with someone is not the same as having an intimate relationship. Women often confuse these points. Real intimacy is having a close and deep relationship with someone and this takes more than a few dates. Sometimes it can be better to get to know someone first before having sex as the sex then cements your relationship and your closeness.

Good sex makes us think our relationship will last forever

Let’s say you have sex after the third date. And it’s amazing. Our minds then think we are onto something perfect. We ignore other ‘niggles’ if we are having multiple orgasms between the sheets. But what happens if you have nothing in common accept the good sex and you only discover that as the weeks or months go on? If you had waited and get to know her better first before the sex, you would have realised a lot quicker that you don’t really have a lot in common with her.

Sexual Chemistry at the start of a relationship can wear off

When we have good sex with someone we are really attracted to, we feel great and we go a bit gaga as our hormones start to release feel good chemicals into our bodies, you know, that so called ‘honeymoon period’? But these chemicals wear off over time and that’s when the closeness you have with someone outside of the bedroom comes into play. The true depth of your relationship. But what if there isn’t any depth there at all? You both fancy each other like mad in the beginning and can’t get enough of each other, but when that starts to die down and wear off you might realise that without the physical attraction there isn’t much else about her that attracts you.

You think having sex means you are in a relationship.

Thinking like this is quite common. Sometimes us lesbians are in a bit of a rush to be in a relationship and so therefore will have sex quickly in order to feel they now have a partner. But a relationship is not just about sex. There has to be so much more. Similar interests, the same humour, enjoying the same activities to mention just a few things that are important. Sex doesn’t automatically mean you are in a relationship. Far from it. It just means you have an attraction to someone. There are also lots of women that just want sex and not a relationship as you will see in the next point.

Deep down you just want sex and not a relationship

This can be a problem. A big problem if the other woman thinks having sex means you want a relationship with her. All you are after is her body but she’s after something a bit deeper and meaningful. Not only can this cause someone unnecessary hurt it can also make you feel like a bit of a bitch. If you are only after sex, that’s fine, many women are happy just to have sex and nothing else, but make sure before you have sex with her she knows the score and she’s happy enough to be ‘a friend with benefits.’

If you look at the bigger picture, there are so many reasons to wait before having sex. At best, having sex early on can mean a few weeks or perhaps months of fun and passion but it’s very unlikely to lead to something deeper. Waiting and getting to know someone first, even if that takes a month or so, can save a lot of heartache and means that when you do eventually have sex there is a lot more substance to your relationship other than just having a good time between the sheets.

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A Lesbian Couple Attempt Suicide In Mumbai After They Are Forbidden To See Each Other

A few weeks ago it was reported that two women from Mumbai both attempted suicide after they were reported to one of the girls Father’s for both being in a relationship. The Father forbade his daughter to see her partner again and he also sought the help of a political adviser who scolded both the girls. Consequently, they both decided they couldn’t be apart. One of the girls drank disinfectant but survived. The other girl tried to hang herself from the ceiling but she sadly died.

This is not just an isolated event either. During 1995 – 2003 Sahayatrika (a support group for lesbian, bisexual and Transgender people in Kerala) reported that 22 women in the state of Kerala had committed suicide because of similar circumstances and this was only cases that had made the newspapers. The actual figures could be much more. The LGBT rights group, Humsafar trust, has dealt with 12 cases in Mumbai alone since 2014. Koninika Roy, the advocacy manager of the trust said:

The reaction of parents in such cases is shocking. It is harrowing to hear the women speak. They are full of guilt and they want understanding from their families, but they don’t get it.”

In April of this year two women who fell in love at college were harassed by their families to such an extent they decided to run away from home so they could be together. One of the women wrote a letter to Koninika and in it she stated:

I was scared of society, my family, the issue of caste and the issue of gender. We became sure our families would not accept us.”

Not long after they had left home they were found and brought back to their home town by the police. The police refused to listen when they tried to explain their love for each other and they were told they should:

go and marry a boy and live happily.”

The girls were then forced to return back to their family homes, their mobiles were taken from them and their parents placed them under house arrest. After hearing about the two women from the letter, Humsafar helped them leave home and they are now living elsewhere together. Humsafar is also counselling both sets of parents in order to educate them and help them to accept and understand their daughters.

Homosexuality is considered an illegal act according to 377 of The Indian Penal Code and is a punishable offence. There have been many attempts to overturn the act but so far it has not happened. There are support groups available but many Indian women are even too scared to approach them for fear of repercussions if they are found out. The 24 hour suicide prevention helpline in Mumbai, Aasra, says that at least 10 -12% of the calls they receive are from queer people who are suffering because of family and friends attitudes toward their sexuality.

Many of the help groups are calling that support and counselling needs to be given to the families of members in the LGBTQ community as they are also scared of what their own friends and neighbours will say and do to them for having a queer child.

The founder of another support group for Lesbian, bisexual and transgendered women, Umang, said:

They are frightened of the social situation they will have to face… Since the situation is more restrictive for women and family policing is higher, women often end up taking drastic steps.”

More needs to be done to educate people in India and to get the law changed. Only then will cases like this stop happening.

7 Difficult Truths About Lesbian Relationships

It can be amazing waking up next to the person you love more than anything in the morning. There’s no feeling like it. But there are some things that women in lesbian relationships have to deal with that hetros don’t really experience and that can make things harder for us.

When you tell people about your partner and get asked ‘who is the man?’

I know, right? This has to be the most outright, idiotic question that we get asked. There is no man. Period. We’re both women, get it? Apparently it’s hard for some people to understand a relationship can actually happen without a man playing a part in it.

Men trying to pull you both.

It seems that lesbians are fair game to some drunken men and they will think nothing of trying to take you home with them in order to become a legend amongst his friends. Usually an embarrassing put down in front of his friends does the trick as he quickly goes from legend to laughing stock in a matter of seconds.

The dreaded ‘exclusive’ and ‘dating’ words.

These words can so often become the biggest passion killer in the early phase of a relationship when you both argue, cry and talk about what these words mean to you both. Plus, the conversations will continue until the rules are firmly established. It’s really exhausting and can kill some relationships before they even get a chance to blossom.

Talking.

Boy, don’t us lesbians just love to talk to each other constantly? We ask each other what we are feeling, thinking, doing and what we mean and what we want on a daily basis. Communication is a fantastic thing but lesbians do tend to take the communication a step too far sometimes when no words are actually needed and a kiss would suffice.

The Sex disappears.

In the beginning we can barely keep our hands off of each other and then slowly the sex starts to disappear. It could be for many reasons but then both women start to feel too embarrassed or nervous to initiate sex so then the sex becomes even less and so the cycle begins.

Trying to play cool.

Why do we do this? What’s wrong with just being open and telling our boo that we are really into her and simply ask if she feels the same way? But we don’t. Instead both try to play it cool so we don’t appear too keen. Before we know it we’ve played it so cool and she’s suddenly become an ice maiden and no longer returns your calls.

When public displays of affection make others stare at you.

This has got to be the worst thing ever. All we want to do is stroll down the street holding hands and maybe share a kiss or a cuddle on a park bench once in a while, so why do we end up feeling like an exhibition in a zoo as people stare or shout at us? Let us just be a normal couple like millions of other couples. After all, we don’t stare and gawp at hetro couples so why do they do it to us?

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MTV’s New Show ‘Mary + Jane’ Could Become Your Replacement For ‘Faking It’

MTV aired their new show, Mary + Jane on the 5^th September and already the LGBTQ community is asking if this will be the new ‘faking it’ replacement. Mary + Jane is about two friends that set up a marijuana delivery service company in Los Angeles. Jordan (Scout Durwood) and Paige (Jessica Rothe) are determined to be the best in the business and both like to sample their wares as well.

Jordan’s character is sexually fluid and Paige isn’t 100% hetro either so there is a lot of scope for the characters to have some fun. Paige enjoys some marijuana induced fantasies about involving some famous women and Jordon’s love life is far from simple.

Out actress Scout Durwood told afterellen:

I think what’s exciting to see is queer as usual, as opposed to gay and that’s what the show’s about,” Scout said. “So I’m excited the show is about queer as usual. … I think Jordan doesn’t ever define it; she never labels it. So my fingers are crossed, double-crossed, triple crossed that we get some more gender fluidity and gender bending in it.”

Because of the good friendship between the characters and the fact they are both open to experimentation fans are already asking if there is likely to be something romantic between the two of them, as there was in ‘Faking It.’ And most audiences always like it when the BFF get together if there is a chemistry there.

Scout said:

Faking It was really good at having those moments. We have those moments, but they’re a little more light-hearted. They’re less sincere. Because everybody’s gay. I think guys have this kind of bromance genre now, and that’s fine, now it’s becoming a thing, and it’s great. I think we’re kind of like the femme bromance. So even though it’s not sexual, it’s everything but. Like it’s emotional.”

In episode 2 Paige gets a little queer and as we see the depth of their friendship it could be possible that Paige and Jordan go there. When asked about this Scout replied:

We’re definitely not saying no”

And Jessica then followed that comment with:

We’re not saying anything, but we’re not saying no.”

Paige seems a lot straighter than Jordan and Jessica explains that she is not as straight as she seems and will discover a lot about herself over the season. Jessica continued with:

I love that pallet of getting to explore both within myself and also let other people know it’s ok to have these thoughts and it doesn’t mean you’re weird and it doesn’t mean you have to decide right now.”

It’s also good to see a female focused show where the protagonists play characters that are normally reserved for men. There aren’t many strong female characters on TV where they are a little more off the cuff. Scout said:

It’s so smart. Even with police officers—women in positions of power are statistically less corrupt than men. … Hating on weed right now feels so fuddy-duddy. Honestly, what we’re doing is mostly legal.”

Whether these characters get together or not remains to be seen but the show has a lot going for it and it will be a lot of fun following their antics as the season develops.

Why Some Women In The LGBTQ Community Struggle Finding A Term For Their Identity

There are many terms around that we in the LGBTQ community use to identify ourselves with – lesbian being the most common one.

But what exactly does lesbian even mean? Well, the specific definition of a lesbian is a female-identifying person who is attracted romantically or sexually to —primarily and usually only — other female-identifying people. And that doesn’t really apply to all women in same sex relationships.

The term lesbian assumes that both parties are female gender and are only attracted to the female sex. That simply doesn’t apply to everyone.

For example, a bisexual woman currently in a same sex relationship may not want to call herself a lesbian, but calling herself bisexual while with a woman can assume that she also has other relationships with men. Which is not always the case. Other women who call themselves lesbians and are only attracted to other women and identify as having a female gender identity sometimes don’t like bisexual or pansexual women calling themselves Lesbians.

It’s strange how people also set up unwritten rules that one has to fall under in order to use that specific term.

Some women call themselves gay. But this was always predominantly a term used to identify a man who is attracted to another man and some women feel that using the term gay is a cover-up for declaring themselves lesbians. It would be interesting to know what gay men feel about women using the term gay to identify themselves with. Do they think it is a term that belongs to them and women shouldn’t really use it?

And what about queer? The term queer held many negative connotations for a long time but recently it has become a very popular term that women who do not identify as heterosexual seem happy to use, especially if they don’t feel they fit under another specific term such as lesbian.

Recently some women have even taken to using the term Sapphic, which derives from Saphho, a poet from Ancient Greek times who lived on the island of Lesbos and wrote poetry about her love for other women. Lesbian became a term after the island of Lesbos where women had same sex relationships.

Another recent term is WLW – women loving women – and originally it was commonly used for women in the black lesbian community but now seems to be used by many, regardless of skin colour. These terms seem quite acceptable as they do not define women in any other way, accept that they have an attraction to other women.

So the great debate continues. Labels very rarely cover everyone or can be used universally. Personally I think that women should be able to use any term they are comfortable with and all women should accept other women from the LGBTQ community regardless of what term they wish to use to identify themselves with.

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How Do You Know If She’s Gay?

Sussing out if that hot chick you’ve got your eye on is gay or not is not as difficult as it sounds. Sometimes it’s easy enough to tell. Like she’s sporting a rainbow tattoo or dresses in the kind of way that you just know she’s gay. But not all women wear their sexuality, as such. I’m always getting told I don’t look like a lesbian. I dress quite femme, wear make-up and have long hair. But so do many other lesbian’s, right? The same can be said for straight women that have short buzzcuts and dresses quite tomboyish. It doesn’t mean they are gay either.

That famous thing called our gaydar doesn’t always work, does it? In fact, I’m not even sure that all queers even have a gaydar. My girlfriend can never tell if a woman is a lez. If I introduce her to a new friend I’ve made and I ask her later if she thinks she’s a lesbian she gets it wrong nearly all the time, so much so that now she won’t play and even take a guess! My gaydar is not too bad on the whole, but, that could just be because I’m naturally flirty and I soon suss out if a woman is gay or not depending on whether she harmlessly flirts back or not. Straight women don’t usually flirt with lez’s as a rule. Well, unless they’ve had a few too many G & T’s and their curious side is taking over!

So how can you tell then? Well, believe it or not, there are some clues to look out for.

Trust your gut reaction

Sometimes our instincts just tell us if someone is gay or not. It’s not the same as a gaydar, where you can tell automatically, but if you are eying a woman up and smiling at her and she responds and your instinct is saying ‘she’s sooooo gay’ trust in it. What’s the worst that can happen? Well, OK, you could get knocked back and be so embarrassed you don’t want to leave the house again, but that’s not very likely if she’s eyeballing you back and your guts tells you she’s a lez. The next time this happens, just go for it.

But, don’t jump to conclusions

This is so important. As I mentioned before a femme looking woman isn’t necessarily straight and a butch looking woman isn’t necessarily gay. If you automatically assume someone’s sexuality just by what they are wearing you could end up missing out on something great, so, go back to clue one and try some eye contact, a sexy smile and some good old flirting and see what happens.

Look how she reacts around men

A big indicator girls. Does she flirt around men, touch their hand or shoulder, laugh at their jokes, give girlie pouts when men are talking to her? If yes, she’s probably straight. Take it from a flirt extraordinaire, I never flirt with men in the same way I flirt with women. I have quite a few straight male friends and we have our own ‘type’ of friendly flirting between us, but that’s not how I flirt with women at all. So spend a bit of time watching how she behaves around men and women. If she flirts the same with both she could be bi. But if she doesn’t flirt at all with women but goes a bit giggly or doey eyed around men, she’s a hetro.

Ask her outright

Shock, horror, ASK her? Yep, ask her. It’s not as hard as it seems, honestly. You could simply ask her if she fancies going for a drink with you one night, or catching a movie together. Word it so it’s obvious that you are asking her on a date. Those kind of questions are not what we normally say when we make a new friend. Or you could simply ask her if she likes women. Most women won’t take offence at this in any way. In fact, a few weeks ago one of my friends asked a woman outright if she liked women and she replied ‘no, but I’m flattered you think I’m attractive.’ The worst thing that could happen is you make a straight woman’s day and there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

India Finally Portrays A Lesbian Relationship In New Web Series ‘The Other Love Story’

Members of the LGBT community have a very hard time in India because under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, homosexuality is punishable by law and the subject is pretty much taboo.

In that respect alone The Other Love Story is a ground-breaking move. The series is set in Bangalore in the 1990’s and portrays the love story between two young women, Aachal and Aadya.

During this era lesbian relationships were very much in the closet (even more so than they are now) and the first episode shows them both meeting each other for the first time.

The audience very quickly gets a sense of the ordinariness of the girls lives and they start to grow closer as they interact in person and over the phone. There is an innocence about them both as they explore their feelings for each other.

Heterosexual relationships are hard enough in India as family, politics and attitudes play a strict part in whether they are deemed suitable by others, which means LGBT relationships are pretty much impossible to carry out. This is why this web series is so desperately needed, not just for lesbian women in India, but to women anywhere that are still in the closet or are dealing with prejudice from others regarding their sexuality.

A few weeks ago a lesbian couple from Mumbai both tried to commit suicide as they had been forbidden to see each other after someone reported them for cuddling. One succeeded and died while the other survived.

This is a tragic example of what can happen to members of the LGBT community in India when others find out about their relationship. Falling in love is not a crime and more recognition is needed in the media.

The Other Love Story is a step in the right direction as it normalizes same sex relationships. Falling in love is not a crime. Prejudice and homophobia is.

Hayley Kiyoko And Her New Video ‘Gravel To Tempo’ Is An Inspiration To Queer Girls

She’s done it again. Hayley Kiyoko, the singer/actress that also gave us Girls like Girls has just released her new video, ‘Gravel To Tempo’ and the lyrics talk about how it feels for a teen girl to have crushes on girls.

In an interview with Fuse TV Hayley admits that the video and song is very personal to her and she says:

So many people, we are dependent on approval, from your parents or your crushes or your friends, and as you grow older—I’m not like this wise man—you become wiser and realize, ‘Oh, I just need to love myself.’ And that nobody else’s opinion really matters.”

In the video Hayley dances in front of her teen crushes from high school and she mentions to Fuse that when she was at high school she had crushes on girls that didn’t like her back.

She went on to say that girls should have the confidence to dance in front of their crushes and it’s not important if they give you their approval or not.

Hayley is a really positive role model for queer girls everywhere and she is a great advocate for the LGBTQ community. Hayley has never openly discussed her own sexuality but whatever she identifies as she is certainly helping others to accept themselves.

She’s a very cool dancer and her music vibes are quite unique. This girl is gonna go places, both as an actress and as a musician. Keep up the good work Hayley, we need more talent like you supporting the LGBTQ community, especially teens who often encounter a lot of issues both within themselves and from others when they start to come to terms with their own sexuality.

Artists Use Portraits Of Older Queer Women From Capitol Hill For A Gentrification Art Project.

Capitol Hill in Seattle is one of America’s largest gay neighbourhoods. During the 1960’s a large gay residential settlement began and the area soon became known as Seattle’s gayborhood.

In an attempt to raise awareness for the gentrification and loss of queer space, artists got together and created the In This Place 206 art project to remind people of the queer history behind Capitol Hill.

Gentrification, a term used to describe a process of renovation and revival in which affluent residents move in causing low income families to become displaced, has been steadily happening in Capitol Hill and many of the LGBTQ community have since left.

The 9 women used in the project were all former residents of the LGBTQ community in Capitol Hill and one of the Artists involved in the project, Nilda Brooklyn told CHS newspaper:

It’s really about taking up the space saying, ‘As you walk by this place, as you stand on this street corner, I stood here, I had a life here, I hung out here, I got my heart broken here. It’s really just a reminder that there’s always somebody who came before us.”

Nilda teamed up with another artist, photographer Adrian Leavitt and asked the 9 queer women who agreed to have their portrait used, three questions — their name, how they identified and where on Capitol Hill was important to them and why. They then placed the portraits around the neighbourhood to see how the public would interact with them.

Nilda said the idea came from her own upbringing:

Having grown up in the queer and lesbian community, Brooklyn is connected to many older queer women. Those direct connections ended up being the subjects for the project.”

Some of the portraits got damaged or had graffiti sprayed on them, but the longest one put up on 15^th Avenue lasted 15 weeks. The photograph’s had #inthisplace206 printed on them in order that the artists could see via social media how the public reacted to them.

Nilda went on to say that the area has changed so much and the LGBTQ community and its queer space is diminishing slowly. She says she also feels strongly about reminding people of the history of Capitol Hill.

I think it’s important to document queer history, and I also think it’s really important in the queer community to have multi-generational connections.”

The artists plan to photograph more women for the project in the future.

12 Fictional Lesbian Couples That Changed Attitudes, Inspired Us And Made TV History

Television is now finally getting to the stage in which lesbian characters are appearing in mainstream programmes, being portrayed in a positive way and are embraced by all audiences. But that has been a long time coming.

So how did TV reach that point? Well, over the year’s television networks have dipped their toes in the water and given us lesbian couples that viewers have endeared to. Here are 13 of those couples that helped make positive changes in television and attitudes.

Willow and Tara (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)

How cute were these two? Yes, OK, Tara died, but while they were together they were a pretty awesome couple. They were also one of the first lesbian couples that had prominent airtime on a primetime American TV series, which in itself is quite cool.

Bette and Tina (The L Word)

Well, they had their ups and they had their downs, but boy, they were an awesome couple. Both successful career women, both very much in love, they split up, they reconnected, they had a baby and they remained together until the end of the series. These ladies did a lot for lesbians the world over and helped set a benchmark for other lesbian TV characters that appeared when the L word had finished.

Paige and Alex (Degrassi: The Next Generation)

This teen soap Canadian drama introduced Paige and Alex into the show in 2005 and explored queer relationships in a positive way, helping many teens accept and embrace their sexuality. Paige and Alex were a very popular couple amongst viewers and the show portrayed their relationship in a very realistic and positive way.

Madame Vestra and Jenny (Doctor Who)

Doctor Who has occasionally had the odd queer character but ‘Lizard woman from the dawn of time and her wife’ appeared in quite a few episodes and they were such a popular couple that Doctor Who showed them in even more episodes because the fan base asked for it. A lizard lady and a female human is just great.

Santana and Brittany (Glee)

Glee also had a few gay characters while it was on TV, but these two girls had such a positive relationship that they outshone the other queer characters shown. They communicated with each other so well, they were very much in love and even sang to each other. Glee had a very wide audience and Santana and Brittany were adored by many.

Carol and Susan (Friends)

Carol and Susan made history when Carol gave birth to Ross’s baby while she was in a relationship with Susan. These episodes were aired in 1995 and Friends was aimed at heterosexuals. These episodes brought about a lot of discussions surrounding queer relationships and parenthood which is not bad going as the series didn’t have much of a queer following.

Cosima and Delphine (Orphan Black)

Cosima and Delphine have had their share of ups and downs, but they have an intense attraction and love for each other which is very real. There have also been some issues between them both as Delphine has kept secrets from Cosima, again something real that does happen in relationships. Another positive is they haven’t killed them off yet either, as TV do have a habit of killing off queer characters. So, these two are obviously doing something right to still be with us.

Lauren and Bo (Lost Girl)

Lauren and Bo have done a lot for Lesbians in the way that they surround themselves with, and get support from, the people they call family. It’s a bit like our lesbian community. A strong network of people that care about you and understand you. These girls are also sex positive, a unique attribute in TV, especially around queer characters.

Steph and Lena (The Fosters)

This married lesbian couple with children are portrayed so realistically. They argue, kiss and make up, they talk things through, flirt and play fight. They are very multi-dimensional and are a great inspiration to other lesbian couples as well as showing the hetro community that lesbian couples are just the same as they are.

Jeri and Wendy Ross/Pam (Jessica Jones)

What is so great about Jeri is the fact she was changed from the comic character of a man into a lesbian female for the TV version, but she has the same complex, twisted and ambiguous character traits as her male comic book character has. This is also a great thing as women can be just like that, lesbian or straight, and it helps again to show that lesbians are just women after all, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Nomi and Amanita (Sense8)

In this show Nomi is a trans lesbian woman living with her bi-ethnic girlfriend. That’s fantastic in itself, but the past revolutionary difference? Nomi is played by a real trans actor and this is a first on TV. Usually trans characters are played by cis actors so this is ground-breaking stuff.

Waverly and Nicole (Wyonna Earp)

These two are great characters as they are such opposites. Nicole is a cop and Waverly is part of a family that are cursed. What an unlikely pairing! They’ve also both escaped death on numerous occasions which hopefully means there are no plans to kill them off any time soon. Another great positive.

Don’t Freak Out If Life Isn’t Going To Plan

Many people set a life plan, especially once they’ve finished collage or fall in love. They plan when they will move in with their partner, they plan their career route and when they will get promoted. Some people make plans for everything and find it hard to accept when things don’t go according to plan.

But life is not like that. Variables have a habit of getting in the way. For example, you plan when you and your partner are going to get married. That’s not going to work if your chosen partner doesn’t believe in marriage, is it? What if you plan to leave home by the age of 25 and when you reach 25 you barely have enough money saved to pay for a night out? Feeling like a failure is not going to help your situation and will in fact just hinder your future even more.

So what should you do? Here are some ideas to help you accept things if your life plan just ain’t happening.

Try to be spontaneous

This can be quite difficult for people that like to plan things, but with practise it can be done. If you are the type of person that takes months to plan a weekend away then getting used to the idea of taking off on a whim can seem quite scary, so start of small. Start off by saying yes to a few things. If friends suggest going to an all-night takeaway at 3am, say yes and go! Say yes to some things that would normally send you off into a tailspin. Once you’ve practised doing a few spontaneous things it won’t take long before you are the one asking your friends to do some spontaneous things. Learning to let go and embrace the moment can be really liberating, once you learn to enjoy it.

Try to be more laid back

Try to stop yourself planning everything when you start a new job or meet a new partner. It doesn’t matter if you don’t always get to the end. All new relationships don’t always end in happy ever afters and not all new jobs will lead to that dream promotion. So try to take things day by day and let things just happen naturally rather than strive for them to happen. If they are supposed to happen they will, whether you spend ages planning for them or not.

Eliminate drama from your life

Drama and toxic people normally go hand in hand. So, distance yourself from any people in your life that cause you unnecessary drama. Dealing with constant drama can make you really uptight and being uptight is not the key to relaxing and going with the flow. If the drama is coming from your work, look for a new one, even if you had planned to stay with the company for a few years. Ditch the plan and ditch the drama. You’ll be a lot happier for it in the long run.

Set realistic boundaries

Sometimes things are just never going to happen, no matter how much you plan them to or want them to. If you take a step back and look at things rationally you will be surprised to see how many of your goals are not really achievable. You might have planned five years ago to get your own apartment by next year, but in five years the cost of things has gone up so much and if your earnings haven’t, then realistically you aren’t going to be able to afford to make your plan happen. If you start being realistic and honest with what is achievable and what isn’t you will take a lot of pressure off yourself.

Worry about your own opinion, not everyone else’s

Try not to worry if people start asking you why you are suddenly being more spontaneous or why you no longer seem to be striving obsessively towards your goals. Their opinions aren’t important. Your happiness is. People have probably always known you as a planner so if you suddenly don’t seem so focused to them, don’t worry about it. Just do what makes you happy and your true friends will accept the new you and even embrace it.

Accept your life

Realizing that not everything has to be written down, planned and followed to the T is part of letting go, so accept how your life is going for the moment and see what opportunities come along. And they will, for sure. When you are obsessing to reach a goal you are unlikely to see other opportunities that could be taken, but once you accept that and learn to say yes a lot more and take a few risks you will find that many new doors will open for you.

How To Live Comfortably In A Small Space

The cost of renting and living is so expensive that many under 30’s are either still living at home, share a flat with lots of others or rent a micro apartment.

For those of you living in a micro apartment it can be hard going when you feel that you don’t have any space to move.

But don’t worry, we have some great tips that can help you utilize the space you do have and make your living quarters feel a lot lighter and spacious.

Get Organized

OK, take a look around. What do you see? Clutter, boxes, magazines everywhere? The first thing to do is to sort out what you do need and what you don’t need.

Be honest with yourself as well. Do you really need to clutter up your kitchen cupboards with plates and cups you don’t need? That extra space could be used for storing food. Investing in a magazine rack will stop you from having magazines and newspapers scattered everywhere.

Clutter will close a space in and make it seem smaller, so de-clutter. Throw away those clothes you never wear.

Freeing up half of your wardrobe means extra space for other things such as bedding and towels. Everything you decide you don’t need, take to a charity shop or donate to a friend that can make use of what you don’t need or use.

Invest in Good Storage Solutions

There are so many shops around that cater for people that have very limited space. These days it’s possible to get beds that fold up against the wall when you are not using them, there are storage boxes on the market now that can be stored inside other furniture, tables and chairs that fold away after use.

The list is endless. So after you have de-cluttered and thrown away everything you don’t need or use, get some clever storage solutions and then you will soon have room for things that until recently had been living on the floor or on your table. Now give these things a home.

Go Vertical, not Horizontal

This is a very clever way of storing things, especially food and drink. If you store things upwards against your walls you will declutter your floor and take up hardly any space. Tins can be stacked this way, shoes, boxes of food, the list is endless. Chairs can also be stacked on top of each other when you are not using them and even towels and bedding can be piled up against a wall.

Once you have followed these tips you will be amazed at how much space you suddenly find you have.

Your living area will feel bigger and airier and your bedroom will feel more like a bedroom instead of just a closet. Living in a small space needn’t be a nightmare if you get organized.

You Don’t Have To Give Yourselves A Label Girls

We are obsessed with labelling ourselves and everyone else for some reason these days.

We label by skin colour, religion, background, political opinions and of course sexuality. But why should we?

I know that sometimes giving ourselves a label can help us feel part of a community, like we belong to a specific group and some people base their whole identities on the label they give themselves. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to be.

So many women get totally freaked out over labelling their sexuality. But sexuality can be rather fluid, especially in women. I’m a classic example of this. I knew I liked girls from quite a young age, but, at that time, I also liked boys as well.

I guess as the years went on I labelled myself as bisexual. I had serious relationships with men and women. I even married a guy and had two children.

And then something changed. I divorced my husband and from that moment on I was only interested in women.

Now I identify as a lesbian, but I won’t label myself as such. Because when I started to only date women all my friends and family were like ‘when are you gonna meet another man then?’ or ‘I thought you liked men and women?’

Once you have boxed yourself into a label it’s very hard for others to accept it when you no longer want to stay in that box.

I know one woman that has always identified as lesbian, ever since I’d known her, and then one day she met a guy. And she fell in love.

My friend tortured herself for months over this. She had always labelled herself as a lesbian but fate had other plans for her I guess. She put herself through absolute torment. But eventually she accepted herself and their relationship.

They’ve been together ever since, but she also lost a few gay friends as well because they felt like she had somehow ‘betrayed’ the gay community.

My point is, if she hadn’t labelled herself as a lesbian in the first place this might not have happened and she might not have lost these friends that couldn’t accept her new relationship as it didn’t fit their perception of her.

I’m not saying that giving yourself a label is a bad thing, if you want to do so, but it’s your choice and you shouldn’t feel like you owe it to the world to fit neatly into a box.

It has to be something you choose to do. Plus, don’t torture yourself over how you want to identify. You are unique, you are you, whether you think you are lez, bi, pansexual, queer, trans, it doesn’t matter as long as you are comfortable in your own skin.

And if one day you realize your sexuality has changed, that’s fine too. Life is all about experiences and experimenting. It’s what helps us to grow as individuals and helps us to accept ourselves for what we are. That’s what’s important, not making others feel comfortable by labelling yourself so they can ‘understand’ you better.

The only person that has to understand you is you. That’s all that matters.

How Can I Be Sure I’m A Lesbian (And Not Just Sexually Curious)?

If you’re still a little confused about your sexuality, check out some of these indicators.

OK, we aren’t going to go on about the obvious and say, ‘the first clue is you like women.’ Of course it is, but that doesn’t necessarily make you gay. It could mean you are bisexual or you simply recognize an attractive woman when you see one. Even Lesbians think some men are good looking!

So how do you really know if you are a lesbian?

You’re fantasizing about women

Sometimes even straight women fantasize about having sex with a woman. That could mean you are simply curious, bisexual, or even just horny. But if your whole sexual fantasy life involves touching, being with or having sex with another woman there is a very good chance you are a lesbian.

You’re experimenting with women

Believe it or not a lot of women find their sexuality can be fluid and having sex or experimenting with women doesn’t always mean you are a lesbian. You could just be bisexual or even just curious, but if you have been having sex or experimenting with women and only women for a period of time this is a good indicator that you are a lesbian.

You’re questioning

Sometimes even asking yourself if something is possible can be an indication that you know the answer deep down. If you find that you are googling ‘how do I know if I’m a Lesbian’ or ‘I think I might be a lesbian’ then the chances are you could well be and are just seeking a little bit of reassurance.

You’re looking at romantic comedies in a different way

Have you noticed recently when watching romcoms that rather than feel happy when guy ends up with gal you wish she had realised just how sexy and super cool her best friend is? Our subconscious often makes us look at things in the way we’d like them to turn out if it was us in the same situation so perhaps you should trust in yourself a little bit more.

You’re checking out women

Do you find yourself looking at attractive women on the street or develop crushes on female film or TV stars? Do you wonder what it might be like to kiss her, or what she might look like naked? Ask yourself if you do this with men? If you don’t then you might be a lesbian.

You feel more comfortable with the Lesbian community

If you find that you feel quite at home surrounded by lesbians and you feel you are able to be yourself and not get judged, then this can be an indicator you are gay. Straight women do go to les bars of course, but, it’s not really the norm for them. If you are finding that when you go out you head for the les bars and feel totally relaxed in them, you are probably a lez.

You think men are attractive but don’t want to have sex with them

This is probably the biggest indicator of all. If you are getting hot under the collar thinking about women, but you simply don’t feel like that over men, you are probably gay. Thinking a man is attractive or looks good doesn’t mean to say you want to get up close and personal with one. If you do and women still rock your boat you could be bisexual.

Try not to be too quick to label yourself. Half the fun of finding out who you are is experimenting and having the confidence in yourself is far more important than labelling yourself. That will happen when you are ready, so just be happy being you and try not to put any more unnecessary pressure on labelling your sexual orientation.

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18 Indications Your Fashion Style Is Low Maintenance

If you can identify with some of these statements below then your fashion style is low maintenance.

Your hair is only ever down, in a ponytail or in a bun.

You wear your favourite pair of shoes with nearly all your outfits.

Your favourite outfit is jeans and a tee.

You don’t think about what you are going to wear in the morning. You just grab what you see.

You own a few casual dresses such as sundresses as you can put one on and off you go.

You tell your hairdresser that ‘wash and go’ is your kind of style.

You keep make up to a minimum or don’t wear it at all.

If you are forced to wear a pair of heeled shoes to an event, you might even consider not attending.

You appreciate though that heels do make your legs look longer. If you could only bear the pain…..

After around an hour of being in above mentioned heels you would rather cut your feet off than endure another hour wearing them.

You feel jealous that men can wear a suit with a pair of converse. If only, you think…

Your idea of dressing up for a night out is your coolest jacket with your smartest looking jeans.

Your friends beg you to let them give you a ‘makeover.’

If you are ever caught in a different outfit everyone does a double take because they don’t recognise you.

You do own a few items of clothing, but they are shoved in your wardrobe behind your favourite tees and only see daylight when there is a wedding or a funeral.

You sobbed in horror when you realised your new job went with a dress code of ‘professional businesswoman.’

However, after a few weeks of practise, you tweaked ‘professional businesswoman’ to mean ‘business casual’ and you’ve mastered the look perfectly.

Your favourite part of exercising is being able to wear comfortable and loose gym clothes and have an excuse for wearing them.

Become More Likeable Girls By Following These 11 Simple Tips.

Sometimes it’s really hard to fit in and we can all do with a little bit of a push in the right direction. If you find it more difficult to make friends or struggle to feel comfortable in large groups, these little pointers can make all the difference.

Look People in the Eye

This might sound a little obvious but it’s surprising how many people don’t make eye contact when they are talking to someone. Make sure you look at them when you are engaging in conversation. We’re not saying you should stare, just meet their gaze and that applies even if she has a nice pair of boobs you’d rather be looking at.

Don’t Keep Looking at Your Smartphone

A real bugbear, this one. There is nothing worse than trying to talk to someone and they are more interested in looking at their phone than concentrating on what you are saying. Just don’t do it. Ever.

Call People by Name

We know, we know, what else are you supposed to call them, right? But what we mean is if you use their name mid conversation it can make people feel special and important. Give it a try the next time you are having a conversation and watch them smile.

Smile

Believe it or not some people are just not big smilers. The problem with that is it can make you seem miserable or bored. We’re not saying you have to sit there grinning inanely like a Cheshire cat, but smile now and then to show you are happy to be talking to them.

Listen Carefully

Listening is actually a skill in itself, especially if you are finding the conversation a bit boring or long winded. So make sure you pay attention and do not keep asking someone to repeat themselves.

Flatter People

There is a difference between flattering someone naturally or sounding like a creep. If someone looks nice, tell them. If they are telling you about an achievement tell them how well they’ve done. It will show them you care and that’s a nice opinion to have of someone.

Accept a Compliment

Many people find it really hard to accept a compliments they don’t want to come across as egotistical. But if someone makes the effort to praise you or say something nice, thank them and tell them you appreciate what they are saying.

Don’t Complain

Have you ever had the misfortune of talking to someone that just moans through the entire conversation? It’s harder to cope with than pulling teeth. Certain people often feel the need to moan about the weather, their hair, their partner, in fact they can find something to moan about no matter what! So don’t go there. Try and focus on some positive things to say. If you are both having a moaning fest that’s different, but if you’re engaging in a typical conversation hold back on the moaning.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

Certain people have a tendency to always take things the wrong way or read more into a situation than there actually is. It can also mean you judge someone wrongly and build a wrong impression of them. Make sure you don’t do this. If you think someone is insinuating something, then politely ask them to elaborate on what they mean. This is better than presuming you think you know what they mean and get the wrong impression totally.

Watch Your Body Language

Big body language no nos. Yawning, bad tone of voice, scowling and putting your hands on your hips. Body language signals like these will make you come across in a really negative way so whatever you do try not to show these signals when you are talking to someone or are in a large group.

Make Everyone Feel Included

Sometimes people can feel really awkward if they are in a large group and they simply sit there and not speak because they are shy or they don’t think they have anything relevant to say. IF you notice a member of the group is not joining him direct a question at them and ask them their opinion. If you are really shy and don’t like big groups, try to show other ways you are involved in the discussion by nodding your head or even saying ‘I agree with you’ or relevant statements like that. It won’t take long for others to then involve you more directly rather than taking no notice of you because you are not speaking.

‘GAYCATION’ Is Back For A Second Season

One of our favourite queer programmes is back everyone! Season 2 of Gaycation will premiere on Wednesday September 7^th and for those of you that have never seen it before, it’s well worth tuning in for.

Gaycation explores all the different LGBTQ cultures in different countries and they talk to people who share their stories of their own queer communities and what life is like for them as a member of the LGBTQ community. In season one the duo visited Japan, Brazil, Jamaica and the USA.

Viceland, the network that produces Gaycation, also sent Ellen and Ian to Orlando after the massacre that took place in the queer nightclub, Pulse, to see how the community were coping. The one off special was released a few weeks ago and is available to watch now.

In season two the pair will visit India, Ukraine and Georgia, where they get first hand responses from a vairiety of people, including a policeman in Georgia that tells them there are no laws against ‘hate crime’ even though they get reports of it happening every day. While in Ukraine one interviewee expresses his opinion that ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and is ‘abnormal.’

Ellen, who is out, recently told Indiewire during an interview:

Hopefully Season 2 is just us expanding, going deeper, and always trying to go farther and be able to address the issues and find the stories that don’t often have an opportunity to be heard.”

Gaycation was also nominated in June for a primetime Emmy award for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program. So get the date in your dairies girls and let’s discover more about our worldwide community and how others live and cope, sometimes in countries that have little, or no tolerance, towards our fellow LGBTQ community members.

Sarah Paulson, Amandla Stenberg, Ciara, Iman, and More American Women Quote The Suffragettes In Video Clip

The first national suffrage organizations were established in 1869 when two competing organizations were formed, one led by Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton and the other by Lucy Stone.

Many suffragettes lost their families, friends and even their lives in their struggle to bring equality to women and in particular to fight for our right to vote.

Glamour asked some iconic women if they would read some quotes from American Suffragettes in honour of these brave and courageous women. All women ow it to each other to not put up with inequality and it’s a fight that we must do together.

Here are a few of the best quotes from Suffragettes that were read out by some of our favourite women.

Susan B. Anthony:

No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.”

Absolutely. We are as good as any man and should never be controlled by a man regardless.

Sojourner Truth:

I will not allow my life’s light to be determined by the darkness around me.”

No way, not ever. We must all keep our inner light shining brightly and never let anything or anyone try to put it out.

Elizabeth Cady Stanton:

The history of the past is but one long struggle upward towards equality.”

It’s amazing that this quote is still so relevant today regarding women. We still suffer inequality in our workplaces, our rights and male attitudes.

Ida B. Wells:

The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them.”

There is no other way to put things right other than exposing the truth to encourage others to understand injustice.

We should all remember what these women did for us and continue to fight inequality together as bravely as the Suffragettes did.

We Can’t Blame Our Metabolism For Weight Gain As We Get Older.

It’s always been assumed that as we start to approach our 30’s and 40’s our metabolism slows down and we gain weight a lot quicker. Well, science has now proven that to be untrue. Our metabolism hardy changes in the speed it works. It’s our speed that changes, as in the fact we become less active as we get older.

Our metabolism works by the rate it burns off calories as we go about our activities. It also works when we are resting as well. However, our metabolic rate and the speed it works at is determined by our height, sex and the genes we got from our parents.

There are also many myths that certain things can speed the metabolism up. But they are just that, myths. The effects that green tea, spicy food and caffeine laden drinks may slightly speed up your metabolism but nowhere near enough to make a change to your weight. The only thing that will speed up your metabolism and burn calories is activity.

This is depressing, right? Not necessarily, because forewarned is forearmed, so now we know why we are more susceptible to weight gain as we creep towards our 30’s we can put a plan into action and combat it.

Get Active

There are many simple things you can do during your daily routine to get more active. For example, take the stairs instead of the lift, walk to work instead of driving or taking the bus, power walk instead of strolling. After a vigorous workout when the heart gets pumping and your body temperature increases your metabolic rate will continue working faster even when you have finished exercising. It does not work at this faster rate while you are sat down resting, so, exercise first, then rest, knowing your metabolism is still burning off calories while you are chilling out in front of the TV.

Watch What You Eat

This might sound a bit obvious, but you should only eat what the body requires, not more. Some tips are to only eat when you are hungry, eat smaller portions but eat often and eat a balanced healthy diet. By reducing portion sizes and only eating when you are hungry plus engaging in activity of some kind will all help ward off weight gain as we get older.

Film Maker Nneka Onuorah Talks Stereotyping Within The LGBT Community

Nneka Onuorah, an out film maker, has released her debut film, The Same Difference. The documentary depicting a series of lesbian couples fighting against the gender stereotypes within the lesbian community and has been screened in 50 U.S. cities and one in Australia.

The film got lots of attention and Nneka decided to use it as a campaign to highlight these issues in the Lesbian and Bisexual community. She told Cosmopolitan that she thinks this issue is even more prominent amongst women of colour as well.

Cosmopolitan asked Nneka to explain a little about The Same Difference and she said:

The Same Difference is a film about lesbians who discriminate against other lesbians based on the heteronormative policing of gender roles. Oftentimes in the lesbian community, especially in the African-American lesbian community, there are rules and roles that come with your lifestyle. For example, if you present, dress, and take on the role of a “masculine” lesbian, or what used to be known as “butch,” you are expected to uphold that.”

Lesbians stereotyping each other is definitely something that needs addressing, especially as these stereotypes have come from the heterosexual perspectives of a lesbian couple in the first place. Nneka went on to say:

This means some women are taking on a role that society has given men like taking out the garbage, not showing emotion, not wearing clothes that are too tight. Looking, acting, dressing, thinking in a very similar way to what society says men should do. Which can be quite stifling and hinder us in a community full of women.”

Nneka also talks about how she got the idea for the documentary and what triggered it in the first place. She also speaks about her own opinion of the LGBT community.

Based on me having a conversation with one of my friends, I kind of talked about how I never spent time in the community, in the LGBT community, because it was so negative when I grew up in it. My friend was like, “Well, why don’t you make a movie on it or something?” It really stuck with me. I was like, “Instead of me stepping away from the community, why don’t I revitalize it, build it, and uplift it?”

Nneka, who is obviously very passionate about her documentary and combating these stereotypes in the lesbian community is also determined to do something about changing these attitudes and opinions. She went on to say:

I want some changes to happen. There’s a lot of issues that happen in the lesbian community. We have a higher murder rate. Our domestic violence issues don’t get taken seriously. When you go to the doctor, the doctors aren’t checking us for certain STDs because they’re not educated on same-sex or lesbian sex. Let’s make it into a campaign so we did. It’s called the We Are All Women campaign, and on Sept. 4, I’m having celebrity speakers, activists, allies come speak and provide voices on our injustices.”

Good on you Nneka. The lesbian community should all work together and fight injustice and we should all understand it’s not good to stereotype our sisters. Let’s hope this documentary and the campaign goes from strength to strength and gets the recognition it deserves.

The New Trailer For Season 3 Of ‘The Fall’ Show’s Gillian Anderson In Deep Water Again.

‘The Fall’ BBC2’s awesome serial killer drama is set to return to our screens very soon and if the new trailer is anything to go by, Serial killer Paul Spector (played by Jamie Dornan) is still tormenting our favourite detective.

In the last two seasons, Gillian Anderson’s character, Stella Gibson, lived and breathed in her quest to capture a serial killer that always seemed one step ahead of her.

Not only do we follow her professional career as she unearths the evidence against him, we also get to see her complex love life. Which during the last two seasons have included a lesbian kiss and an invitation to a female colleague to spend the night with her. Alas for us though, the pathologist, Archie (played by Reed Smith) declines the offer, despite appearing that she might have been up for it at one point.

Gillian’s sexuality has been called into question before when she admitted having had a two-year lesbian relationship during her late teens. She said that other lesbian relationships followed but they were more the exception than the rule. Gillian has always remained quiet though on who these lucky ladies were, even when she was at the height of her fame in the 90’s while playing Scully in the X files.

The Fall also boasts an openly gay police officer, Danielle Ferrington (played by Niamh McGrady) and all the female characters are strong, independent women totally dedicated to their job.

They are not afraid of who they are and all the female characters are a great representation of feminism at its best.

Apparently season 3 will be the last one and it’s been stated that it will be creepier than ever. So that’s more nightmares we are going to have then, if the last two seasons are anything to go by.

Viewers are going to be left wondering after watching this trailer. Is Spector dead? After all, at the end of season 2 we did watch him struggle for breath in Stella’s arms after the police shot him. If he’s dead, why is Stella still haunted by him? Perhaps he whispered more unsettling words to her before he died, taunting her even with his last breath.

Rumours have also circulated that he has possibly escaped from custody and is continuing to kill other women. Oh, the suspense is unbearable.

Until it airs all we can do is continue to speculate and look forward to the minute Gillian Anderson shows her lovely face on our screens again.

‘Orphan Black’ Star Tatiana Maslany Talks About Diversity In The Hit TV Show.

In a recent interview with Deadline, Tatiana Maslany discusses the diversity of the characters she plays in BBC America’s hit T.V show Orphan Black. The show is a science fiction series based on cloning and by the end of season four there are 11 different character clones, each one very different and individual and each one played by Tatiana who has just been nominated for an Emmy for the second time.

What makes this programme so unique is the fact all 11 identical female clones portray the diversity of humans, especially regarding sexual orientation as one of the clones is a lesbian and another is a transgender. All of the characters are very complex and some have lives that are not considered normal. and when asked about her opinion on whether this was important she told Deadline:

It’s something that I’m most proud of on our show, especially that it’s through the eyes of a woman and the experiences of a woman.”

Tatiana also gave her opinion on one of the characters, Cosima, who is a lesbian and works as a scientist.

The way that we treat sexuality is something I’m extremely proud of and that I’m very political about as well. One of my favourite lines of our show is when Cosima says, “My sexuality isn’t the most interesting thing about me.” That to me is so important to drive home, to remember that as much as Cosima represents a large community of people, she is more than her sexuality.”

Tatiana was also asked about recent phenomenon regarding the matter of fact way sexual orientation is now portrayed on television. She said:

There’s a real bravery to storytelling right now—people are kind of fed up with misrepresentations of women, with the LGBT community, with minorities. These groups are so underrepresented. We’re so used to seeing men as the default perspective, and that’s just changing intrinsically.”

It’s very reassuring to hear that actresses who play lesbian or bisexual characters are also aware of the misrepresentation we often see in television or film, regardless of whether the actresses themselves are gay or straight. Tatiana is also very compassionate about others and their diversity as individuals as well as she went on to say:

There’s such a divide right now in terms of politics, in terms of people. There’s so much fear of the other, so much hatred. So I’m really proud that our show never really vilifies anybody, that everyone has a humanity and that everyone has vulnerability, and needs, and wants love, and deserves love, regardless of what they’ve done or who they are.”

Tatiana’s talent and the fact she is such an amazing person is one of the reasons the show has such a huge fan base. We all wish her the best of luck with her Emmy nomination for her role and let’s hope she continues to get the recognition she deserves.

Obama Is Sending ‘Lesbian And Transgendered Hillbillies’ To Invade Rural America

Well, I really have heard it all now. According to members of the tinfoil hat brigade, Lesbians who attended the 15^th annual LGBT Rural Summit in Iowa earlier this month were being taught how to get subsidies for their cows and chickens by becoming farmers.

The Washington Free Beacon, a right wing publication, published an article written by Elizabeth Harrington regarding the summit and she stated:

The all-day summit will teach lesbian and transgender hillbillies how to get subsidies from the government like rural housing loans and ‘community facility grants.’”

It’s time for us all to fess up now and admit that yes, becoming farmers, and turning all lesbians into farmers, has been our lifelong ambition ever since we came out. And the fact Obama is sending the hillbillies amongst us to encourage other lesbians to start herding goats is quite simply an added bonus for us all.

This bizarre conspiracy theory was started by one of the more prominent members from the tinfoil hat brigade, right wing conservative radio host, Rush Limbaugh. A week after the Iowa summit was held Limbaugh delivered a rant to his listeners regarding this oh so sinister lesbian plot. He said:

What they’re trying to do is convince lesbians to become farmers. So here comes the Obama Regime with a bunch of federal money and they’re waving it around, and all you gotta do to get it is be a lesbian and want to be a farmer and they’ll set you up. I’m like you; I never before in my life knew that lesbians wanted to be farmers.”

Really Limbaugh? How could you not have known? Us lez’s and trans wannabe farmers have been in cahoots with Obama planning this for years. You must try to keep up with what’s really going on a bit more. Keeping up with the times is another thing Limbaugh seems to have an issue with as he went on to say:

I never knew that lesbians wanted to get behind the horse and the plow and start burrowing. I never knew it. But apparently enough money [made] it happen, and the objective here is to attack rural states.”

Get behind a horse and plough? 100 years ago perhaps. I think he’s been watching too many re-runs of ‘Little House on The Prairie.’ These days’ queers prefer to get behind a tractor Rush, just so you don’t think we also work our farms, or intend to work our future subsidised farm, the same way John Boy used to. We may be lesbian hillbillies but we like to make use of modern day equipment.

So there you have it girls. We’ve been rumbled. Best we give up our milking and chicken feeding activities and plans and think of another way we can take over rural America.

Connect On A Deeper Level With Your Boo By Doing These Three Things.

Having a connection with someone is made up of three main components. Time, Focus and Sharing. Connections with your boo can occur if one or more of these components are missing. The idea is to share experiences together and implementing all of these three components in your relationship. Let’s have a look at how you can do this.

Time

Finding the time to spend together alone in your busy schedules can be really difficult for many couples and lack of time together is one of the main components to disappear in a relationship. If you live together it’s easy to become more like ships that pass in the night as you both focus on your careers, work colleagues and friends. If you don’t live together it can be very easy to spend time with a group of friends rather than just being alone. Spending time together is really important, but it’s not how much time you spend together, it’s the quality of your alone time.

Everyone has different opinions on what quality time together means so the first thing to do is to ask your boo what she sees as quality time together. Then tell her yours. For example, you may think quality time together could just mean lounging on the couch watching a film, but she may think quality time together means getting away from normal activities and doing something different, just the both of you. Once you’ve established what quality time together means, implement them all so you both feel you’re getting quality time. It won’t take long to start feeling really connected with her after doing this.

Focus

Now you’ve both worked out how you are going to spend time together you can implement the focus. If you’re on a ‘date night’ don’t let your mind wander to what’s happened at work that day, or start mentally preparing for a presentation you have coming up. Stay in the moment. Focus on what you are doing with her. Listen to what she is saying. Forget everything else going on and just enjoy her company and the experience you are both having alone. Many people find it hard to switch off from life’s pressures but with practise it can be done. Forget the outside world during your quality time and just think about her and what you are both enjoying together in that moment.

Sharing

Now you’ve sussed the time and focus you now need to start sharing as well. This means while you are together you share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and fears with her. It’s also important to share your physical self as well. Kiss her, hold her hand and cuddle her while you are alone together. It will show her that you are sharing your complete self with her and help build trust and deep bonds between the pair of you. Don’t forget the sex. Make time to make love to her and make sure she feels desirable and wanted.

Mastering these three components get easier over time and you both need to then implement as much of this into your daily lives, even if it’s just grabbing a coffee together during the day. It’s a chance for you both to talk alone, to focus on each other and share any issues you are worried about in your relationship.

Here is an experience you can both enjoy together while implementing all three components.

Cuddle up and face each other. Look into each other’s eyes and talk about something nice, such as your future plans together, where you’d like to go with her on vacation or simply tell each other what you love about each other. Exchange kisses, touch her face or gently rub her arm. These kinds of intimate experiences are very powerful and can help re-establish a connection that has been missing recently.

Our ‘Warrior Princess’ Is Set to Return, But What Do The Original Cast And Writer Think About It?

My heart actually pounded when I heard Xena would be coming back to our screens via NBC network.

I crushed on her so much it was incredible! Along with the fact I was convinced she was getting down and dirty with Gabrielle I would listen to every word exchanged between them, convinced I was correct.

Oh, if only there had been such a thing as Fan Edits back then. I’d have died and gone to heaven creating skits for Xena and Gabrielle.

According to the Executive Producer of the reboot, Javier Grillo-Marxauch, this time around Xena and Gabrielle will be in a full-on relationship. Liz Friedman, the out writer of the original series told AfterEllen this was something the network didn’t want to come across. She said:

The studio was very worried about it, and I was the one saying to them ‘Guys, no one’s ever gonna think they’re gay.”

She reflects back to her own relationship with her then girlfriend who is now her wife and continued:

We would go to the supermarket and I am a white Jew, she’s Creole and people would look at us, and it was clear that we were connected in some way, and they’d go ‘Are you two sisters?’ That fuck each other! What was bizarre to me that lesbians were so invisible in the real world, but then something just happened and I just assumed no one would ever think that about Xena and Gabrielle.”

Never think it? Girl, I KNEW it. Liz is not so sure what she thinks about a remake of this cult classic though. She seems to have a few mixed reactions about the whole concept.

I don’t know that it calls for a remake and yet I do think the idea of making what was subtext text is interesting and what you can add to it. But I think the biggest thing we did was show this profound personal connection between two women and we never walled it off and said ‘But they’re straight, but they’re straight, but they’re straight.’ And I do think that, in its own way, is incredibly subversive.”

Javier Grillo-Marxuach cited the changing social views of the public when it comes to same-sex relationships as fuelling the decision to let them both become a couple. That’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but imagine what a difference it could’ve made to lez’s 15 years ago if they had had an out gay couple to drool over and look up to?

Lucy Lawless who played the original Xena also seems to have some reservations of her own about a reboot. Lucy seems to think that if they are taking Xena and Gabrielle to the next level then they could go a step further. She suggested:

Now they need to make them an inter-racial couple, Black Xena!”

Now there’s an idea NBC. Are you listening? An inter-racial lez couple would be amazing for queer diversity. Xena will hit our screens later this year and I will just have to tune in and see what it’s like.

In my opinion remakes are either complete rubbish or really good. There is no middle ground. So I shall be waiting in anticipation to see what Xena and Gabrielle will be getting up to together in this new edition.

No more than what I imagined back in the late 90’s I’m sure.

A Mother’s Plea For LGBT Education In Schools After Her Daughter Committed Suicide

What Kelly Moorhead must be going through after losing her 15-year-old daughter, Chloe, to suicide three months ago must be excruciating.

No parent expects to outlive their child anyway, but when your child commits suicide and you believe it could have been prevented must be one of the worst things that could happen to a parent.

Kelly believes her daughter took her own life after coming out as gay because she couldn’t deal with the humiliation she faced. Now Kelly is demanding that schools should provide LGBT education to raise awareness and acceptance amongst its students and staff.

Here, here, to this. It’s defies belief how many youngsters suffer abuse, bullying and negativity when they come out to their peers and this has to stop. And the only way to stop it is through educating youngsters in order for them to accept others and be able to deal with their sexuality if they are gay or bisexual themselves.

Kelly stated that awareness in schools could have saved her daughter’s life and explains that when Chloe first came out to her a year ago she didn’t have any issues. Three months later Chloe’s twin sister, Samantha, then came out as bisexual. Kelly told the Herald Scotland:

It’s shocking with Chloe as she was so confident and she came out, I couldn’t have been any prouder of her coming out at that age. She was so secure with it at the time. This is why I think it’s essential this issue is brought into schools, and made a part of the lessons in class. It can’t be an option; it needs to be part of lessons.”

Kelly expressed concern that if nothing is done gay and bi teens will continue to take their own lives if they can’t cope with the stigma they endure when they come out. This means that teens will either keep quiet and not come out, something that can completely destroy a person, or when they do come out and are not supported they end up feeling so isolated and different that they see suicide as the only way out.

Kelly is calling that the Government is quick to support the campaign and stated:

My message is yes, there is hate out there, but I want people who are gay, lesbian, transsexual, to see that not everyone is a bigot or has a negative attitude. There is support out there. We never will abolish hate, but I want them to see that there are people who support them. We are here.”

Kelly is actively promoting LGBT issues Dumfries, attempting to challenge the stigma that gay and transgender people face. She said she is determined to tackle discrimination in any way possible and has organised charity nights and LGBT friendly events.

This campaign gets my vote. Suicide is one of the highest causes of death among youngsters and LGBT teens are the highest affected. This does need to stop and education and awareness has to be the way forwards.

‘Jessica Jones’ Is A Perfect Portrayal Of Real Female Friendship.

The first season of Jessica Jones was totally awesome and it was fantastic to see a true to life example of what female friendships are really like.

Jessica (Kristen Ritter) and Trish (RachaelTaylor) develop a really strong bond during season one despite the fact they were not that close at the start and Jessica even told Trish she loved her, cementing their strong friendship.

This is quite a recent thing really, but luckily, TV writers are realising that us women are not all catty to each other, fight over men and talk about men non-stop.

If we look back over the years and at the types of female friendships we saw on T.V we had Sex and the City where all they were interested in and talked about was their sex lives and men, Friends where again all the women talked about men and even Big Bang Theory where yet again the female friends talked about and obsessed over men.

When I get together with my best friend (who by the way is hetro) we don’t really talk about our partners much unless there is a problem happening. We are more interested in each other’s opinions on what is happening around us, we support each other when things go wrong, we encourage each other to take chances

And to be honest I probably tell my best friend more about my insecurities than I tell my partner, quite simply because my relationship with my best friend is another separate identity entirely and is different.

Jessica Jones executive producer, Melisa Rosenburg told Entertainment weekly that the second season will focus even more on the girl’s friendship. She said:

That is the core relationship in the piece. It is about female friendship, it is about how friends evolve — they’re sisters, really — and it’s about how they evolve and ping off each other.”

Both these characters bring different things to their friendship and both lack things that the other has. Trish for example has pretty much everything in life except Jessica’s powers and Jessica has all the power in the world but doesn’t have Trish’s kind heart. Rosenburg went on to say:

It’s all about each of them needing something that the other woman has, making both of them essential partners in their relationship. Even if jealousy sometimes plays a factor. It’s an interesting dichotomy of them figuring out there’s an envy involved, there’s support, there’s compassion, there’s frustration.”

It’s absolutely great that T.V producers and writers are finally showing what real friendships between women are like. It means women can relate and identify with the characters more and men actually wake up to the fact that women are not obsessing and talking about them the whole time we are hanging out with each other!

7 Signs Your Partner Is Cheating

Sometimes we all get those little niggling doubts that our girlfriends are cheating on us. We don’t have any proof, but we just ‘feel’ something is going on. Well, if that sounds familiar to you just now take a look at some of these signs that might indicate she’s playing away.

1. She wants more sex than usual

This might seem a bit strange, but according to psychologist Nikki Martinez of Betterhelp this can be a sign your boo is having an affair. It’s not necessarily because she has suddenly developed an increased libido but could be a sign she feels guilty and is trying to make it up to you by giving you lots of sex.

2. She’s become Miss Romance

If your chica is normally unromantic and all of a sudden she is sprinkling petals in your bath and whisking you away for romantic weekends and this is totally out of character for her, beware. Rob Alex, creator of Mission Date Night, says that this kind of behaviour can be a red flag that she’s cheating and feels bad about it.

3. She looks hotter than ever

When women have affairs they become more aware of how they look on a daily basis so if she is suddenly showering more than usual, making a bigger effort with her make-up or has started working out more at the gym it may be a sign she has another love interest.

4. Her behaviour in general changes

According to Melinda Carver, a relationship coach, if your partner changes her usual behaviour totally and acts differently than how she normally does it could be an indication she’s dipping her toe somewhere she shouldn’t be.

5. She’s making a massive effort

Has your girlfriend started to make a real effort to show you affection, always arrive on time for dates and seems more motivated to show you how important you are to her? If yes, Cecil Carter, of dating appLov, suggests this could be because they are trying to overcompensate for what may be wrong in your relationship.

6. She’s become really adventurous

If climbing a steep hill was a challenge to your sweetheart and now she’s attempting to climb Mount Everest it may be an indication that she’s trying to show you how happy she is with you, even though she is doing adventurous things alone and not including you in them.

7. The green-eyed monster rears its ugly head

Life coach Kali Rogers claims that if your girlie is suddenly jealous of you looking at other women or starts to become really possessive and wants to know where you are all the time it could be because she is projecting. This is when someone assumes you might be doing the same as they are and in this case, cheating.

Not all these signs are proof that she is playing away and she simply might just be trying to put renewed energy and excitement back into your relationship.

The best thing to do is to talk to your loved one and tell her what you are thinking and feeling. Sometimes it’s easier to assume the worst but that’s not always the case.

Be brave and talk to her because accusing her of something that she is not guilty of is one sure fire way to destroy your relationship anyway.

‘Supergirl’ Gives Us A Queer Girl In Season 2 To Look Forward To.

This news is something we all need to get excited about girls. A new TV character to crush over. Executive Producer, Ali Adler, who by the way is also out, said during TCA:

Maggie Sawyer is an amazing character from the DC Universe who is a bad ass, gay character, who we’re bringing in and she is so cool. The actress, Floriana Lima, is amazing. We’re so excited to get started with her and it’s just gonna be an amazing addition to our cast.”

This news is sure to get the lez community inspired as well. It’s great when an intriguing LGBTQ character is introduced to a series because it helps promote our community in a strong way and encourages others to realise that we are all just regular people no different than anyone else. Positive LGBTQ characters in mainstream TV programmes are an absolute must.

Another Exec from the DC universe team, Sarah Schechter, added:

What’s important for us in Supergirl is that all women in the show are really strong, I mean it’s important on all of our shows and I think you see that in all the shows, but Supergirl, it’s like, if you have a great villain, it elevates your hero. If you have a strong woman, you want to surround her with other strong women and so Maggie’s sort of suspicious. She’s grounded; she’s [sort of not] a superhero—she’s a regular real life hero.”

We’re getting the feeling she might be more than an anti-hero type character? If so, that’s just great. They’re the best kind and normally show real dilemmas between saving themselves or saving the rest of the world. Ultimately, we all have to make decisions like this sometimes.

It seems that another intriguing hook is coming into play during season two as well. In the form of a character that would be ‘exploring their sexuality’ and ‘coming out.’ Greg Berlanti, an Exec working on Supergirl hinted:

It is a significant character and we’re not being coy about it. We really want the audience to enjoy the character development, you know, and not necessarily being ahead of the storyline.”

Speculation is already flying around as to who this might be. You never know ladies it might even be a female character that has a relationship with the newbie lez, Maggie Sawyer. That would be interesting. Whatever season two has in store for us I’m sure it’s fan base will increase dramatically after this exciting news so we can all wait in anticipation until October 2^nd when season two will kick off on the CW.

Rhea Butcher And Her Wife Cameron Esposito Show How Marriage Can Be Funny in ‘Take My Wife’

Rhea Butcher and Cameron Esposito who are married in real life blur the line between fiction and reality in this brand new show which premiered on 11^th August on the streaming service Seeso.

Both ladies play themselves and are trying to make it as stand-up comedians. But that’s not that easy to achieve as female comics are few and far between, not alone being a lesbian as well.

There are some laugh out loud moments in the first episode and if this is anything to go by then we are all in for a treat. Apparently each episode will focus around a light-hearted plotline but don’t be fooled, these ladies are dealing with some big obstacles.

Cameron is more confident that Rhea and her career is a little further along but she is deeply affected in episode one when she reads some horrible comments about herself on social media. She gets annoyed with Rhea for not going to breakfast with her and says:

I don’t have anyone to talk to accept the internet and the internet is so fucking mean.”

The women were also interviewed by Vulture magazine and they admitted that a lot of the six-episode series is autobiographical. It’s not easy being a couple and working together, especially if one is a little more successful than the other.

Cameron also told Vulture that the entertainment industry is predominantly straight and that many queer characters are written by straight writers so they both wanted to show a truer to life representation of what it means to be a lesbian married couple and dealing with relationship and career issues that often have a way of cropping up at the most inopportune moments.

The New York times recently reviewed the series and said:

Take My Wife” isn’t the most polished show in the genre, but it has a D.I.Y. charm and a perspective that have long been underrepresented on the small screen.”

So girls, this is one internet show we shouldn’t miss and I see a bright future ahead for these two funny and totally cool women who portray feminism at its best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D05IZ0iNbNg