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Is Another DC Comic Book Hero Coming Out As Bisexual? Fans Think So

Last month, DC writer Greg Rucka established Wonder Woman’s queer identity, and although it hasn’t been explicitly stated in recent comic books, it does add Wonder Woman to the list of DC Comics’s current bisexual lead characters – Harley Quinn, John Constantine, Poison Ivy and Catwoman.

But, if Greg Rucka’s logic is followed through – regarding the likely sexual proclivities of Paradise Island (Wonder Woman’s Amazon home world) – that would mean that another new character could also be bisexual.

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Red Hood And The Outlaws is a three-person team title featuring Red Hood, Artemis and Bizarro.

Artemis is also an Amazon, from the same culture as Wonder Woman. She’s just a little more… aggressive.

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So will she be out? It’s been suggested that the writer would be more willing to go with Artemis, where Rucka is hasn’t, with Wonder Woman?

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How To Handle 9 Common Relationship Speed Bumps Like A Grown Ass Woman

I love talking about growth in a relationship. There’s something magical about the transformations that you go through between your teenage years and adulthood. These changes don’t happen at exactly the same time for everyone, and for some people they never happen – I’m sure you can think of a few people who still act like kids, even well into their 30s and 40s. (I’m related to a few.)

What’s even more magical is the fact that, sometimes, the most mature people I know are the ones who are bad at relationships. There are things that make us mature in all other aspects of our lives – such as keeping our emotions to ourselves – that don’t necessarily mean we’re a grown ass woman in our relationships.

Curious about how to treat your relationship with the maturity it deserves? Just follow these 9 simple tips.

Scenario #1: Your partner is too busy to answer your calls.

Immature response: The immature partner may feel insecure if their partner isn’t able to respond right away. She may worry that her partner is cheating on her, or that she’s moving on without even saying goodbye.

Mature response: The grown ass woman understands that her girlfriend’s phone doesn’t live in her hand, and sometimes there are more important things going on. She knows that not every little thing is “a sign” of something bad, and she’s not going to raise a fuss without something a little more concrete.

Scenario #2: Your partner falls behind on her share of the housework.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend might keep score about who does the dishes more often, and who forgot to fold the clothes when it was their turn to do the laundry. She holds onto these things in order to bring them up at a later date.

Mature response: The grown ass woman tries to see things from her girlfriend’s perspective first. She takes time to calm down so that her anger doesn’t get the better of her. Finally, she forgives her partner and remembers that there are more important things in life than the cleaning.

Scenario #3: Your partner wants to spend some time with her friends.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend immediately gets suspicious. She feels that her partner is trying to get away from her, and she may try to tag along, or to convince her girlfriend to just stay home instead. She’s worried that her partner will cheat with her attractive friends.

Mature response: A grown ass woman knows exactly why her girlfriend has attractive friends, and also knows that it’s not a threat to her. She knows that friends are absolutely vital to happiness and that her girlfriend, who is also a grown ass woman, doesn’t need a babysitter.

Scenario #4: Your sex life starts to slow down.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend may assume that her partner is losing interest in her. Whether she’s getting it somewhere else, or she’s simply disinterested, doesn’t really matter – and the immature girlfriend refuses to ask anyway.

Mature response: A grown ass woman knows that sex isn’t always going to be the pinnacle of the relationship. She is, however, willing to negotiate when the mood doesn’t line up just right – such as giving her partner pleasure even when she’s not in the mood. (As long as her partner asks nicely, of course.)

Scenario #5: Your partner has an occasional bad attitude.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend will take this bad attitude very personally, and may even react to it with anger. Best case scenario, she’ll dwell on it and worry about what it means for the relationship.

Mature response: A grown ass woman understands that nobody’s perfect. Sometimes, you’re on your period, or sick, or stressed out from work and/or school, but that doesn’t mean that you stop loving the person you love. Instead, the grown ass woman thanks her for putting up with her bad attitudes, too.

Scenario #6: You disagree about something.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend may respond to differences with horror, anger, or insecurity. Differences are seen as polar, and are hard to work around. It seems like she’ll never find a partner she’s actually compatible with.

Mature response: A grown ass woman is flexible about the little things. She knows that she’s not always going to get her way, and that’s okay. She knows that differences are what make us human, and they’re worth celebrating – or, at the very least, respecting.

Scenario #7: Your partner needs time for herself.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend will see this “alone time” as an immediate and urgent threat to the relationship. She may feel abandoned or neglected, and she may even question whether the alone time is actually being spent alone.

Mature response: A grown ass woman encourages her girlfriend to find her own independence. She values her own privacy, so she respects her partner’s privacy, too. Most of all, she knows that arguing while you’re angry is one of the fastest ways to say something you regret, so she would never deny her partner the ability to reflect in private first.

Scenario #8: Your partner has strong feelings about something.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend may be disinterested if her partner is having problems that don’t have anything to do with her. If the problem does have something to do with her, she may become defensive. Either way, this scenario is bound to be awkward.

Mature response: A grown ass woman listens to her girlfriend’s complaints without judgment or assumptions. Then, when her partner is done airing her complaints, the mature girlfriend offers support and, only if requested, advice.

Scenario #9: Your partner makes more money than you do.

Immature response: An immature girlfriend may feel jealous and insecure when her partner makes more money than her. Society teaches us that we need to be competitive with other women. When the “other woman” is someone you love, that competition gets really strange, really fast. I’ve known lesbians who have actually broken up with a woman because of income differences.

Mature response: A grown ass woman is inspired by other people’s success stories, and seeing her girlfriend succeed will motivate her to reach her own goals, too. She knows that her partner’s wins are also her wins, because they’re working to build an empire together – not just a way to pass the time.

Sarah Paulson: ‘Emmy Win Made Me Feel Like I Belonged’

Last weekend, actress Sarah Paulson finally won big at the Emmy – winning the Outstanding Lead Actress for her role as prosecutor Marcia Clark in The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story.

Talking to Variety about her victory, she says it was what she needed to make her realise just how faActress Sarah Paulson felt like she “belonged” after her work was recognised when she took home an Emmy Award on Sunday r she has come.

As an actor, you’re always afraid that you don’t belong, especially when you keep getting let into rooms that you’re not sure you should be in, with more people that you respect and admire. You say to yourself quietly, ‘I hope they don’t realise that they let me in here and make me leave.’ Somehow, standing there with all of those people, their reaction made me think that I belonged.”

While Paulson has been in the acting industry for the past 22 years, it is only recently that she has received critical acclaim for her skills on screen.

Paulson is also aware that having an Emmy win in the bag will likely contribute to her being offered more work going forward.

This means someone else will ask me to do something great,” she added.

Following her win, Paulson was flooded with congratulatory messages, including sweet-nothings from her girlfriend, Holland Taylor.

However, she says she is still struggling to accept her Emmy win, telling the publication:

To be 41 years old, approaching 42, and to have all of this? We all know what goes up must come down, right? I’m just trying to keep my eye on the horizon.”

Paulson opted to take the real-life Marcia Clark as her date to the Emmys, and insisted that she came backstage with her as her name was engraved onto her trophy.

While she needed to get special permission to bring Marcia backstage at that moment, the actress insists it was entirely “appropriate”.

Playing Marcia has become a career-defining role for her, admitting she was keen to portray the embattled lawyer on screen.

The thing I kept coming back to was I wanted to cut to the quick of how abandoned I felt she was by women, almost as a collective. It just felt like everyone wanted to drop the hot potato that was Marcia Clark. I so felt for her, having only played it. Multiply that by a million, and also have it be your actual life.”

 

How To Tell If Your Bisexual Friend Is Still Bi

Let’s take a minute to talk about bisexuals. I’m sure you know at least one – and I’m guessing you probably know a few (whether you realize they’re bisexuals or not). I’m not sure if it’s just my personal circle, or if it’s this global thing, but from my perspective it seems like bisexuals are literally everywhere. But how do you know if the bisexual(s) you know are still bi, or if it was just a phase?

We’ve put together this handy guide to help you figure out if your bi friend is still bi, or if it was just a phase she went through.

She’s still bi if she’s never had sex with, been in a relationship with, or been in love with a woman.

Let’s face it – not every attraction goes somewhere, but that doesn’t mean that the attraction never happened. Even if she’s never had a girlfriend or a same-sex sexual encounter, she’s still bisexual. Straight is not the default orientation.

She’s still bi if she’s never had sex with, been in a relationship with, or been in love with a man.

Just like sleeping with a woman doesn’t magically make you a bisexual, you don’t have to be with a man to know that you’re bisexual. Is everyone automatically gay until they’ve had sex with someone of the opposite sex? No? Then why is your bisexual friend any different?

She’s still bi even if she’s dating a man now.

Being in a long-term relationship with a man doesn’t erase or invalidate her attraction to women. It doesn’t mean that she was going through a phase, or that she was just doing it for the male attention. She’s not “choosing” men over women and she’s not “picking a side”.

She’s still bi even if she’s dating a woman now.

When people say someone else used to be bi, before they got with their girlfriend, it always makes me cringe. What’s even worse is that this pressures the bisexual women into going along with it, because biphobia is still so strong within our community. She’s not flip-flopping… She’s just bisexual.

She’s still bi if she has a preference.

When non-bisexuals think of bisexuality, they usually picture an equal attraction to men and women. (Okay, there’s a lot of media that shows hetero-leaning bisexuals, too, but those aren’t the only options.) Very rarely in life are things split equally down the middle, and your bisexual friend is no different.

She’s still bi if she’s not out publicly.

There are so many reasons why she might not be ready to come out to everyone just yet, and it’s not your place to decide whether her reasons are good enough. It is not your place to tell others about her sexuality, nor is it your place to decide that her identity doesn’t count. You should feel honored that she told you – and understand that she didn’t have to.

She’s still bi if she doesn’t “look” or “act” bi.

I don’t know who came up with these arbitrary definitions for what people are supposed to look and act like what, but I’m getting really tired of its widespread implications. Contrary to what the media (and most off-handedly prejudiced comments) would lead you to believe, your style isn’t so much about your sexual identity as it is about your other personality traits. Bisexual women come in just as many diverse styles as straight or gay women.

She’s still bi unless she tells you she’s not.

It’s widely accepted now that sexuality is fluid, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide when someone else’s identity has changed. Sexual and gender identities are very personal, and there is no single quantifier that “the phase has passed”. If your bi friend no longer identifies as bisexual, she might tell you – or she might not. Her identity isn’t really your concern – it’s hers.

Ruby Rose Has Signed On To Yet Another Action Movie

Rose has joined the cast of Meg, a sci-fi film based on Steve Alten’s 1997 novel Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror that is underway in Auckland.

Jason Statham will headline the deep-sea thriller, playing a former Naval captain and expert diver recruited to undertake a deep-sea mission to rescue scientists under attack from a terrifying threat: a Carcharodon Megalodon, the 70-foot, 40-ton prehistoric kin to the great white shark.

Variety reported Rose would play Rose “an engineering genius and a member of the marine research team” alongside Statham, “a former Naval captain and expert deep-sea diver”

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Meg is due for a 2018 release and is directed by Jon Turtletaub. Chinese actress Fan Bingbing co-stars alongside Statham and Rose, and filming will also take place in China, Variety reports.

Rose began her career as an MTV presenter and dance DJ but has scored several major TV and film roles, including two seasons on Netflix hit Orange is the New Black.

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She has three films due for release in 2017: XXX: Return of Xander Cage, John Wick: Chapter Two and Meg.

12 Secrets To A Happy Long-Term Relationship

What exactly makes a successful long-term relationship? Some people think it’s all about having similar visions, or similar hobbies, or just being similar. The truth is, if we date someone who’s exactly like us, chances are… We’re going to hate them at some point in time. Having too much in common actually makes you incompatible, because our brains strive for someone who helps offset our own weaknesses.

Obviously, someone who’s your polar opposite isn’t going to stick around too long either – after all, you don’t want to date someone who you have nothing in common with, right? It’s a delicate balance, and not every relationship is going to do the trick – and that’s perfectly okay.

1. Not every relationship is meant to last forever – know when to let go.

It might seem a little counter-intuitive for me to start off this list, this way, but let’s get really, painfully real for a second: Not every relationship is meant to stand the test of time. Does that mean your three-week romance is a waste of time? Absolutely not! As long as you’re learning something about yourself (and hopefully having a good time while you’re at it), the relationship served its purpose. You need to be able to recognize an inevitable end, because they do exist. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…

2. The grass is always greener where you water it.

When we get wrapped up in the day-to-day happenings, it’s easy to start neglecting our relationships. It’s not right, but it happens more than we’d like to admit to ourselves. If you find you have a wandering eye, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to stray – it actually means that you need to try a little harder in your current relationship. Most likely. In some cases, it means you’ve been trying too hard and your partner just isn’t putting in her fair share… In which case, please see #1.

3. You’re not always going to agree… And that’s perfectly fine.

I know I’ve read a ton of articles that say that a happy relationship involves choosing your battles. What’s usually lacking, though, is the revelation that picking your battles does not equal don’t acknowledge your disagreements. It’s completely normal to disagree with your partner from time to time – and, in fact, if you never disagree, there’s a pretty good chance that at least one of you is lying. Acknowledge your disagreements, but don’t let the little things ruin your love for each other.

4. Independence is absolutely essential.

It’s 100% okay to have your own hobbies and interests. In fact, it’s necessary – if you give up the things you enjoy, just because your partner doesn’t enjoy them, you are making your partner way too high of a priority in your life. It’s also totally okay to spend time alone, even if you don’t really have anything going on. I’m not saying you should go so far as to sleep in separate bedrooms in the same house, but every now and then you just want to chill without any company. And it’s perfectly okay to want this.

5. Make time for each other, too.

Independence is important, but so is spending time together. Your partner is on the local softball team, but you couldn’t care less? That shouldn’t matter – you can still go to support her at the big game (or at least some of her games). Hung up on stuff from work? Make sure you’re giving her attention, too – she might even be able to help you out of your work-stress-mode. Remember that you guys are each other’s sidekick and support group – and act like it.

6. Good surprises are key.

Relationships thrive on a little spontaneity, even when it’s only spontaneous for one of you. Every now and then, you’ve got to surprise your partner. I’m not saying you need to plan an all-out bash (partially because I’d probably have a nervous breakdown if someone threw me a surprise party), but you should try to surprise each other from time to time. Even if it’s something super simple, like washing up the dishes even though it was most definitely her turn.

7. Take your problems seriously, and get help when necessary.

One of the hardest things for me to do is actually ask for help. I get so caught up in all the endless things that I, myself, alone need to do or fix or handle, and I forget that I have someone on my team. I have a bad habit of compartmentalizing things, and excusing those things that wouldn’t really be a big deal if they were on their own. But, in the scope of your relationship, a lot of little problems can be as bad as a few big deal-breakers, so make sure you’re reaching out for the proper support system. Sometimes that means counseling. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, either.

8. Understand where your priorities lie.

Your partner probably isn’t going to be the absolute top of your list, and that’s okay – but she should definitely fall somewhere within the first few. Well, not necessarily your partner specifically, but your relationship as a whole. Make sure you know what your biggest priorities are, and your partner’s, too. Your priorities don’t have to be identical, but they should be similar enough that they don’t clash.

9. Respect your differences and your partner’s choices.

You’re not going to agree with everything your partner thinks, feels, and does. You’re not obligated to agree with any of these things, as we’ve already discussed. But you are obligated to support and respect her. Does that mean you can’t tell her when she’s making poor choices? Of course you should. But make sure that the decisions are objectively bad before you say something – not just based on your personal prerogative.

10. Your words and actions have consequences.

When someone we really care about says or does hurtful things to us, they mean a lot more than when a stranger says them. Example? Once I had a random stranger call me a “fat cunt”, and it didn’t bother me nearly as much as when my partner told me I looked “gross” (after losing the weight that caught the attention of the stranger just a few years before). Your words will have an immeasurable impact on your partner, so it’s best that you avoid saying anything you might regret later. Your words can never be taken back once they’ve been said. Don’t screw it up.

11. You’re going to change, but make sure you stay true to yourself.

It always cracks me up a little when a character in a movie tells their partner, “You’ve changed!” Well… Of course they’ve changed. People don’t stay the same for years at a time, and if they did, they’re not really applying themselves. But it is important that, through all your changes, you do your best to stay the same person your partner fell in love with. Don’t forget your values, don’t get too wrapped up in newness, and try not to lose your sense of humor, either.

12. Never stop falling in love with her.

This is one of the most important things I can pass on to you today: Love isn’t a magical feeling that just stays forever. That feeling, those butterflies, all of that, isn’t love but infatuation. Real love takes a bit of work, and you need to fall in love with her again every single day, or it’s not going to work out. Date nights help, as do little tokens of your affection, but largely, it’s about remembering why you chose to be with her in the first place. Remind yourself how great she is, and take steps to make sure she knows how much you appreciate her.

Love doesn’t actually last forever – but soul mates choose to keep loving each other even when things get hard. (Especially when things get hard.)

Body Positive: Female Olympians Pose Nude To Celebrate Their Bodies That Got Them To Rio.

In an article published in Woman’s Health Magazine 2016 Naked Issue, these gorgeous gals take off their rugby kit before leaving for Rio in order to promote body confidence and learning to love your body no matter what shape, size or colour it comes in.

Five members of the England Women’s Rugby Sevens Team. Pictured from left: Heather Fisher, Amy Wilson-Hardy, Michaela Staniford, Danielle Waterman and Claire Allan.

The women join a host of other stars for Woman’s Health Magazine and discuss their battles with body issues and how they learnt to love their bodies for what they helped them achieve rather than how they looked.  It sometimes surprises me that gorgeous women in the limelight also have the same body issues as the rest of us. I personally think every one of these women are droolishous and have beautiful bodies as well as attractive faces.

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Fullback Danielle Waterman explains how she learnt to love her strong body.

I’ll always remember trying on my prom dress and being upset at how broad and muscular I was.”

“It was my Brother who pointed out that my build was the very thing that would help me achieve my dreams of playing pro rugby for England.”

Well done Danielle’s Brother. One of her other teammates, flanker Heather Fisher, who also suffers from Alopecia, explains how hard it was for her when her shape changed dramatically after she changed from being an Olympic Bobsleigher to a rugby player.

My shoulders shrank and my legs got bigger. But I don’t train to look good; simply to be effective.”

These women are quite simply an inspiration to us all and can give us all a positive attitude towards our bodies. Don’t focus on the flaws and our perceptions of what looks good or attractive, let’s celebrate our bodies for what they can do and help us achieve. Good luck in Rio guys, we’re all right behind you.

19 Things You And Your Girlfriend Need To Do Together Before The End Of The Year

It’s really easy to get overwhelmed with the day-to-day activities in life and forget all about the little things that make all the difference.

If you and your girlfriend are going through a stressful part in your life, take a little time for yourself and do these 19 sure-to-please relationship boosters.

Then, check back into the comments and let us know what you think! Did these little tips help bring you two closer together?

Some of these are things you can do now, while the weather is still warm, and others can be done after it starts to cool down a little bit. Don’t worry – there’s still plenty of time left in 2016 to make your relationship goals a reality.

1. Visit your local farmer’s market.

Shopping locally is a great way to support the people in your community, and it gives you an inside look to the locally-grown food in your area. Visiting your local farmer’s market is a great way to spend the day in the sunshine while also picking up some great food you might not have thought to prepare!

Once you’ve picked up the fruits and vegetables that interest you, find a recipe and make something amazing. (Or, if you’re more of a planner, like me, check out the recipes before you hit the farmer’s market so you know what to be on the lookout for.)

2. Get a couple’s massage.

All too often, we put our personal pampering on the back burner when things get a little hectic. It seems like these things are the easiest to put off, but really, getting them taken care of on a regular basis can increase your overall mood and make those mundane daily tasks just a little more bearable.

If you can’t afford to hit the spa, give each other a sensual massage in the comfort of your own home! There are a number of great massage oils available for a decent price online. My personal favorite is EO Lavender Massage Oil. It has the lovely, relaxing smell of lavender with the amazing skin nourishment of almond oil. Make sure you’re using massage oils that are made from real essential oils – they’re the best for your skin, and there’s no chemical smell. It’s a win-win!

3. Make a blanket fort and watch old movies together.

If you’re anything like me, you probably haven’t made a blanket fort since you were a kid. But now that you’re adults, living in your own place – why not? It’ll give you a nice secluded space to cuddle in, and it gives the perfect backdrop for your home movie marathons. Best of all, you already have everything you need!

Blanket forts are great, because they purposely take us out of our “grown-up comfort zones”. Making a blanket fort together is not only a great bonding activity, but it also reminds you of the childlike innocence you’ve probably left behind. After all, you’ve got your whole life to be an adult – why do you have to cut out all of the fun stuff?

4. Go skinny dipping.

Okay, I know skinny dipping isn’t really everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, I’m not too partial to being naked without a “good reason” myself. But skinny dipping is a great reason to be naked with your partner, and as long as you’re respecting your local laws, there’s really nothing wrong with it. The naked human body is often scrutinized and labeled as dirty, even though – realistically – we were born naked, and in many cultures, nudity is still celebrated.

If you’re concerned about being caught and fined, aim to go skinny dipping in a private pool, or a secluded clearing in the trees. Still nervous? Try swimming in your underwear, instead of an actual swimsuit. It gives a similar rush without the risk of a ticket.

5. Have a date in your own living room.

All too often we get caught up in the idea that a date has to be some fancy, extravagant event. That’s not the case at all. A candlelit dinner by the fire is just as romantic, and can be done for a lot cheaper, leaving you more money for those all-too-important essentials, without making you pick up any extra work.

There are a few rules to dating inside your home, though – such as turn off the television and make sure the room is tidy first. A cluttered environment can distract you and stress you out, and “noise pollution” has a very similar effect. Instead, focus on one another’s company, and let yourselves enjoy the time you spend together. Your relationship is definitely worth it.

6. Ride a Ferris wheel together.

If you’re lucky enough to have a fair or carnival near you, the Ferris wheel is one of the most romantic rides around. Sure, the rest of the rides might be a little more exhilarating, but you can’t really make out on a log ride. Take some time to enjoy the scenery and each other’s company by riding the Ferris wheel!

For those who are a little more adventurous, I’ve even seen some videos of people getting a little “intimate” at their local amusement park… But be warned, if you try this and you get caught, you will most likely be kicked out, and possibly even ticketed. Make sure you know your local laws before you get too frisky!

7. Spend an entire weekend in bed.

Of course, if you have ten tons of things to do before Monday, this might not be a great idea, but chances are you’ll have at least a few days off together with no plans. Make the most of this time to bring your relationship closer – cuddling, making out, and even getting frisky under the covers. But whatever you do – don’t get caught up in those stressful things – this is all about the two of you!

Let the romance shine in between the sheets, but don’t forget to take some time to take care of yourselves, too. Take a bubble bath or shower together to crank up the heat, and maybe even add in that fireside dinner this weekend, too. It’s your relationship – take control and make it amazing!

8. Go out stargazing.

Whether you pull up a blanket in the back yard, hang out on top of the roof, or go for a drive to lay on the beach, stargazing is a romantic date idea that’s been observed for centuries. Take a little time to return to your roots, and just spend the night under the stars. If you’re feeling ambitious, bring a tent – and watch the sunrise together, too!

For a little extra excitement, consider bringing some massage oils, or even some toys and lube. There’s something sexy about being under the stars (which probably comes from centuries of people getting it on in the moonlight), so take advantage of this instant mood-setting scene to reignite that fire. After all, you’ve got all this time devoted to just the two of you – what else are you going to do when you get bored of seeing the same stars?

9. Check out your county fair.

Now, I know that not every county actually has a county fair – I personally have to travel about a half an hour to get to my closest one. But chances are, there’s somewhere you can go to take in the sights and sounds. If you don’t have a county fair, keep an eye out for an amusement park, a carnival, or an outdoor festival. Just remember to only bring as much money as you need – these things can get pretty expensive, pretty fast!

While you’re at the fair (or fair-like event), make sure you take lots of pictures to document the fun time you spend together. These photos will make great memories for the future, and you can even have them printed out to hang on your walls. Most likely, there will be some other fairgoers willing to help you capture your magical moments, so don’t be afraid to ask!

10. Have sex somewhere new and exciting.

If you’ve been stuck in a rut of only having the same type of sex, in the same place, and it’s starting to get a little boring, why not try changing up the scenery a little bit? Most likely, there are a number of places you haven’t experienced an orgasm yet, so why not make a list and start checking things off? The kitchen, living room, and bathroom are all great places to start, if you’ve never had sex anywhere “crazy” before.

Your new place to get frisky should be at least mostly private (I get the thrill of being caught, but you don’t actually want to get caught). Try for places like the beach, the pool, or maybe even the trampoline that’s been collecting dust in the back yard. Just make sure wherever you go, it’s clean beforehand – or bring a blanket that is.

11. Support your local high school sports teams.

No matter what sports you’re into, or what sports your local schools play, it’s always a great idea to help support the next generation. Most of the sales that happen at these local games will directly benefit the kids who play, with some going to help the other kids at their school, too. It’s a great way to give back, without the commitment of charity work or volunteering.

What if your local schools don’t play sports, or there’s nothing open to the public? You can still help support them by donating or purchasing merchandise. While these things seem cheesy and unimportant, you could be making a difference in someone’s life and education – and isn’t that worth a little cheese?

12. Learn a new language together.

First of all, let me start by saying that it’s nearly impossible to become fluent in another language in just a few months. It takes the brain years to learn all the vocabulary associated with a new language, so unless you’ve got a ton of time on your hands (and a really good memory), you’re not going to really succeed with this one.

But learning things with your partner has even greater benefits than learning them on your own. Not only do you get an automatic accountability partner, but if you choose one of the love languages and focus on the romantic things, you could have your own secret way to communicate those sweet nothings, and that’s extra sweet.

13. Go on a scenic hike.

When the weather is nice, it’s a great time to go for a hike. You get to take in the scenery around you, and you might even come face-to-face with the local wildlife. (Please don’t touch the wildlife, though – you could spread zoonotic diseases to the animals or to yourself, not to mention they might bite or scratch you.)

This is another great opportunity to take some photographs, too. Soak in the memories of the day, and snap (or sketch) some pictures of your favorite parts. For an added bonus, get the pictures printed and bound into a memory book – it’ll give you an easy way to look back, even well into the future.

14. Spend the whole night dancing.

If you’ve got local dance bars in your area, this is a great place to start – but for those who don’t, you can get started in your living room just as easily. Turn on some slow jams (or your romantic music of choice) and waltz, salsa, and grind all over the dancefloor (or rug – whichever the case may be).

But what if you don’t really know how to dance? You can either make it up as you go, or take a dance class together. Just like with learning another language, learning with your partner is a great way to bring you closer together and make it feel less like a “class” – and more like a “date” in front of a bunch of other strangers. You’re welcome.

15. Bake a pie or cake together.

I’m a huge fan of baking, myself. It might just be my favorite kind of cooking. But, to be fair, that’s probably because you can’t really make a cake on the stove. (Unless it’s a pancake, of course, and I am all over those, too.) It doesn’t matter if you’re baking from a box or from your grandmother’s closely-guarded family recipe – baking together is fun, and then you have dessert, too!

For an added challenge, try baking something from scratch that neither of you has ever made before. Personally, I’ve never successfully made brownies, so I’d probably schedule that to try with my girlfriend. Your experience may vary – so do what works for you!

16. Play sexy hide-and-seek.

Yet again, we’re going to take one of those activities you did as a child and turn it into an excuse to get intimate: Hide-and-seek! The rules for sexy hide-and-seek are pretty similar to the version you played as a child, except that every time you’re “found”, you have to remove an item of clothing. Once one of you is completely naked, the other gets to have their way. It’s fun, sexy, and just a little bit naughty.

Try to play in rooms of your house that you’ve never had sex in, so that the excitement of the chase is just a little more exciting. I’m partial to kitchen, bathroom, and closet sex myself, so if I was trying to push my boundaries, I’d probably go for the living room or the dining room. It’s up to you – whatever gets your motor running is the perfect place to play.

17. Go for a long country drive.

We tend to rely on our cars for efficiency and transportation, rather than for taking in the sights and sounds of the countryside. It can be a bit expensive to fill the tank, so driving without a clear-cut destination is scary for those of us on a stricter budget. But when your destination is “a happier relationship”, you don’t really need a specific place to end up.

Roll the windows down, and enjoy the gentle breeze. Crank up the stereo and sing along to your favorite tunes. No matter what parts of the drive are the most fun for you, try to make a point to get closer to one another – you’re worth it!

18. Make your own Valentine’s day.

The month of February is often reserved for our romantic expressions, but truthfully, we need to bring Valentine’s day to everyday if we want our relationships to be their best. Pick a random day and make it your own personal Valentine’s day. Try to turn it into a regular habit – and don’t hold back on the romance!

One of the greatest things about celebrating Valentine’s day on your own day is that the lines for your favorite restaurants will be shorter, or maybe even non-existent. Even if everyone on the planet picked their own Valentine’s day to celebrate, the amount of foot-traffic in those nice restaurants would be a lot more spread out. Everybody wins!

19. Carve your initials into a tree.

Okay, I know this one seems a bit juvenile, and in some ways it’s even environmentally irresponsible. (In case you didn’t know, the initials stay in the tree because you’ve killed it in that spot.) But as far as having a symbol of your undying love, there aren’t too many things that compare to knowing that there’s a permanent mark of your love printed where everyone can see it.

Really rather not cut up a tree? You can accomplish a similar thing simply by planting a new tree. It won’t have quite the same symbolism to everyone else, but the two of you will always know what the tree stands for. You can even have a plaque engraved to mark the spot in front of the tree, if you’d rather have the joy of seeing your initials there.

Did you enjoy our list? Do you have more ideas to add? Let us know in the comments!

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Ellen DeGeneres Weighs In On Debate About That Lesbian Couple In ‘Finding Dory’

Ever since the latest trailer for the highly anticipated Pixar sequel Finding Dory landed last month, speculation over two women in a short clip have made headlines, with many of us interpreting them to be a lesbian couple.

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However, we may have gotten a little too overexcited by the clip, after film makers refused to confirm or deny the couple’s sexuality when quizzed.

Talking to USA Today, director Andrew Stanton said ambiguously

They can be whatever you want them to be. There’s no right or wrong answer,”

But refused to confirm what many us would have hoped for.

And now Ellen DeGeneres – who stars as Dory in the film – has a pretty dry response to the hysteria over the clip.

She said:

I didn’t see it. One of the woman has really short hair. And I have to say, it’s not a great haircut because it was really chopped up in the back… I think people assume anyone with a bad short haircut is gay.”
The comedian added.

Robin Wright has short hair.There are a lot of woman that are straight that have short hair. It’s just not as common.”

Last month’s heightened speculation speaks to the degree to which many people want to see LGBT representation in a major Disney-distributed film — be it animation, superheroes or Star Wars characters.

What’s Her Game?

Dear KitschMix,

So I’m in this sticky situation that I wish I were never in. I met this girl at work and we have been talking for over a month, I’m married but filling for a divorce with my wife and she’s in the same situation.

We have been hanging out every weekend getting drunk at bars and having fun. The first time we went to a gay bar I seen her make out with a guy (but claims to be a lesbian). It really made me mad seeing it because I knew I was starting to have feelings for her.

Then the third time we went to a bar I saw her make out with another guy, a guy that we both work with! And this happened this past weekend. I drove off from the bar because I was hurt, then I had the guts to go back to her house to talk to her.

But she’d taken him home with her because he wasn’t stable enough to go back to his place. So we argued a little bit, then out of nowhere we started having sex.

Morning came around and another co-worker came over and she’s bi, and she always had feelings for this girl that I have feelings for. They make out and started to have sex, so I left her house. I haven’t talked to her since Saturday, and it’s kind of sad because she knows how I feel for her. And she has told me that she likes me as well. I’m just super confused and don’t know if I should stay friends with her or show her more of how I feel…

Hello reader! That sounds like a super complicated situation to be in. I’ve never been in that exact situation myself, but I can imagine how rough it must be. I think that, in order to decide how you move forward, you need to figure out the answers to a few smaller questions.

First, does it bother you that she’s not being monogamous? For many women, monogamy is not implied – and, in many ways, it shouldn’t be the default. Unless you and another person have established that you are in a monogamous relationship with one another, you’re not in a monogamous relationship.

Even if it seems a bit rude for her to give sexual attention to people right in front of you… Some people don’t see this as a problem. If it bothers you, have a chat with her. Some people who default to non-monogamous are willing to be a little less open, if requested by their partner. For others, having a “primary” or “only” partner is out of the question. Some people operate as 100% single when single, and 100% committed when they have a girlfriend. It’s different for everyone.

Next, does it bother you that she calls herself a lesbian, but still gives sexual attention to men? I personally feel that this is a question of semantics. I’ve known lesbians who occasionally had sex with men, but exclusively had relationships with women. I’ve known lesbians who were in a committed relationship with a man, but actively pursuing women (usually, but not always, with encouragement from their husbands). I’ve also known lesbians who considered themselves “politically homosexual, but sexually fluid”.

All of these women were taking the label and making it their own – whether anyone else agrees with their self-identification being irrelevant to them. I notice that this seems to be a trend these days – but I personally love it. As a creative type, I love when someone “customizes” their self-identification in some way. It’s not always about sexuality, even; but, in general, the words a person uses to introduce themselves tell a story about how they feel about themselves, and their life in general. Really, no one “owns” any of the words they use to describe themselves – they’re just borrowing them for a very specific purpose. As a writer and a psychology nerd, these word choices are fascinating to me.

I think the biggest question here is whether either of these things would be a deal-breaker for you, because you can’t expect someone to change – if you aren’t willing to risk the situation staying exactly the same as it is now, you shouldn’t try to push forward. In this case, it might be best to stay just friends, so you don’t risk getting more attached.

If you would be willing to try the situation as it is now (even though it’s obviously not ideal for you), I would definitely recommend telling her how you feel about her. Start with what you like about her – what makes you so drawn to her. Then, once you’ve established why you want to be with her, pose your questions about the situation as it stands. Just make sure they stay questions – remember, by expressing your feelings, you were implying that you were willing to give it a shot as it already stands.

Now, please note that neither choice is going to be easy – and it’ll be more difficult, the more strongly you feel about her. But if there’s any chance she could be your soulmate, it’s worth the time it takes to figure it all out.

‘Funny Or Die’ Is Back To Totally Mock North Carolina’s Anti-LGBT ‘Bathroom Bill’ (Video)

The folks at Funny or Die are back, this time mocking North Carolina’s HB2 with an “official” bathroom cop training video.

Officer Tammy Cox of the Bathroom Police shares with people the dos and don’ts when it comes to ensuring the safety of public restrooms (a.k.a. “porcelain sanctuaries”) everywhere.

She asks how to tell if someone is “harbouring any suspicious genitals on their person”.

While the concept of checking someone’s genitals in a public restroom is absurd enough to be the basis of a comedy skit, it isn’t so far from the truth in various recent incidents.

https://www.facebook.com/funnyordie/videos/10154115769373851/

13 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Your Vagina (But Totally Should)

I’m going to level with you here: I’ve suffered from more than my fair share of vagina envy. Okay, I guess technically it’s vulva envy, because it’s pretty difficult to actually envy someone else’s vagina – we’ll get to that in a minute. I could go off on some little tangent about how “everyone is the same on the inside” and all that nonsense, but that would just be silly. (Even though, realistically, most vaginas are pretty similar on the inside.)

Basically, though, that entire region is just weird. I can only imagine that it’s even weirder for those who weren’t born with their vaginas, or who haven’t taken the time to fully explore the situation down there. As women who love other women (assuming you also have sex with those other women), we’ve got a bit of a unique vantage point on the whole subject. I think we’re more prone to “vagina envy” than straight women are because, in general, we’ve probably seen more of them. (Vulvas, that is – I very rarely encounter a straight woman in my day-to-day routine, but I also don’t leave my house as often as I probably should.)

Even if you’ve had your vagina your entire life, most likely there are things you don’t know about it. How many of these things did you know – and are there any other interesting tidbits you think we should all know?

1. You can’t (usually) see the vagina.

We, as a society, tend to use the word vagina to mean the female sexual organs. That’s actually incorrect. The part that’s most commonly referred to as the vagina is actually the vulva. The female sexual organs are a collection of a bunch of different bits, and the actual vagina is up inside of everything else. I’m sure you can imagine that there are certain scenarios when you might be able to physically see the actual vagina, such as after some extreme fisting. (I’m not interested in it, personally, but if it works for you, you do your thing.)

The moral of the story: Your vulva consists of all the external parts. Your vagina is on the inside. Practice using the correct terminology.

2. Your vagina does not need to be cleaned.

You know how you sometimes get really wet, without being even remotely in the mood? This is your vagina cleaning itself. It actually does a great job all on its own, too – trying to help it out (such as douching, or even rinsing inside with plain water) can cause a nasty infection, called bacterial vaginosis. It can get swollen, and it will be incredibly uncomfortable. The good bacteria in your vagina’s secretions act as a lubricant, and help to protect from bad bacteria.

Your vulva, on the other hand, should be washed regularly. Sometimes bits of debris (lint from your underwear, little toilet paper balls, period blood…) can get caught up, and should be cleaned off periodically. Just make sure you limit your cleaning to the outside, and let the good bacteria inside do its job.

3. Healthy vaginal discharge is free from strong odors, and usually colorless.

As awkward as that unexpected moisture can be, it’s usually completely normal – and no one but you can smell it. We tend to smell ourselves more than we smell others, particularly if it’s something we’re a bit insecure about. But, rest assured, if there was actually something going on with your vagina’s smell, your partner would most likely let you know.

You should pay attention to your discharge, though, particularly any changes. It’s completely normal to have clear or white discharge, or to have some brown discharge if you’ve recently gotten off your period. If it’s suddenly not clear, or if it smells really strong, make a note to talk to your doctor about it – this could be a sign of infection. Your discharge should never result in any itching or soreness, either. If you’re experiencing any sudden changes or inconsistencies, it’s best to have it checked out to rule out the possibility of infection.

4. Your vagina needs exercise – just like you do.

Your vagina isn’t exactly a muscle – but there are muscles in your vagina, and they need to be exercised. Certain situations put you at higher risk for muscular weakness in the area – so if you’ve given birth, gone through menopause, gained some weight, or if you’re a smoker, you might want to practice your Kegels a little more often than lower-risk-category women. Just like any other muscle in the body, you’ll need to keep it strengthened, otherwise it can get flabby. (It’s true!)

Kegel exercises might sound intimidating if you’ve never done them, but really they’re pretty simple – you can even do them without anyone knowing. Sitting at your desk with nothing else to keep you occupied? Do a little squeeze – it should feel like you’re trying to cut off your pee, mid-stream. As a side note, you shouldn’t do your Kegels while you’re peeing – that can cause a whole host of problems. Any other time you’re sitting or lying down is totally fair game, though. (If you and your partner have penetrative sex, I find that this is an amazing time to do them.)

5. A “loose” vagina has nothing to do with promiscuity.

For at least as long as I’ve been alive, there’s been this stigma surrounding women who have a loose vagina. They’re said to have penetrative sex with multiple partners, on a frequent basis. They’re often labeled with all sorts of nasty, derogatory names – over something that’s simply not true. If having sex with multiple partners really loosened the vaginal tissue (which, by the way, is designed to expand enough to push out a baby), then women who have had a lot of sex with the same person would be just as much at risk of “stretching out” as a woman who had a slew of one-night stands. In most cases, single women won’t have as much sex as someone who’s in a committed relationship – it just seems like they have more, because it’s a larger portion of the time they spend with that certain someone.

There are a number of reasons why one vagina may be looser than others, and none of them involve having sex with multiple partners. The most common reasons for “stretching” include the recent birth of a child (vaginally, of course) or neglecting those super-important Kegel exercises. The great news is that those very same Kegels can help to tighten a vagina – without dangerous surgeries or creams to make you “swell up” down there. If you want to tighten your vagina, the absolute best choice is to follow tip #4, above – save your money, and don’t risk your well-being. Seriously. It’s not that big of a deal.

6. “Neo-vaginas” are vastly different than “natural vaginas”.

Gynecologists still don’t fully understand the complexities of a vagina created through transitional surgery, but it’s clear that they are very different than “natural vaginas”. This makes it particularly complicated, as doctors aren’t really sure what the proper care is at this point. It is advised that you share any concerns with your doctor, and it’s advised that you take extra precautions to guard against infection, particularly while you’re still healing.

Although the specifics of optimal care are still largely under-researched, trans women should use special douches – generally a saline rinse – to help keep everything clean. Since these vaginas are basically hand-crafted works of art, rather than natural biological organs, trans women don’t have the benefit of the automatic bacteria production – any bacteria in that area is a bad thing. Be safe, and be sure that you’re taking proper care of your new vagina.

7. Neo-vaginas need to be dilated – regularly.

For those of us who have had vaginas our whole lives, the idea of penetrating ourselves for any reason other than sexual gratification can seem a bit odd. But for trans women, it’s absolutely essential: Their vaginas are made from tissues that originally had a different function and form. They will need to use a vaginal dilator, which is a phallic tube that stretches and/or maintains the opening until it has completely healed.

Immediately following the surgery, it’s essential that the neo-vagina be dilated for at least 30 to 45 minutes at a time, at least six days a week. Once the vagina has reached the desired capacity, penetrative sex can make the process more enjoyable. (It also won’t need to be done as often anymore, but a number of trans women decide to keep it up – because hey, why not!)

8. Yeast infections are super common – we just don’t talk about them much.

At least 75% of cis women (and pre-operative trans men) will experience a yeast infection in their lifetime, and it is a truly uncomfortable experience. Some women are more prone to yeast infections, particularly when on antibiotics, as these will kill the good bacteria as well as the bacteria they’re meant to fight. Cis men (and pre-operative trans women) are also at risk of developing a yeast infection, although it is less common. Unfortunately, sexual contact can spread the bacteria to your partner, too.

Thankfully, yeast infections are generally harmless, as long as they’re treated promptly and properly. Thankfully, there are a number of treatments that can be performed without any embarrassing trips to the doctor – even though there’s no reason to be embarrassed about something that literally happens to almost everyone. (Hint: Going commando is helpful in preventing the infections in the first place, as is washing up with a mild soap after sex. There are certain pH-balanced soaps created specifically for this purpose – just make sure you’re not going inside with them.)

9. Taking good care of your vagina can help prevent most yeast infections.

If you’ve ever experienced the (dis)pleasure of a yeast infection, chances are, you’ll want to do whatever it takes to prevent it from happening again. While some people may be more prone to the infections in the first place, it’s not completely unavoidable. Good vaginal care, including those common-knowledge things like “wipe front to back” and “don’t receive sex while you’re showing symptoms”, can help prevent the spread of yeast infections – or, at the very least, help shorten the time you’ll be suffering with them.

It’s also a good idea to drink plenty of water – at least two liters per day, or about a half-gallon for our US-based readers. As nice as bubble baths are, they’re not good news for your vagina either, nor are scented soaps and shower gels. Tight-fitting clothing (including your underwear) should be avoided, or at least minimized, as there is a known connection between keeping the area cooped up and being more prone to infection. If you’re comfortable doing so, you should probably be going without underwear (or tights!) as much as possible.

10. Always pee after sex – and as soon as possible when you feel the need.

Most women know that penetrative sex should be immediately followed by a quick trip to the bathroom. If you’ve been getting enough water and not holding your urine in, it shouldn’t be too difficult to go. What many don’t know is that holding in your pee can increase the likelihood of a urinary tract infection (which is not something you want to experience), as can oral sex if not followed by a potty break.

Urinary tract infections are caused by bacteria. UTI is really a blanket term, since any foreign bacteria in the vaginal area can cause an infection. We think about this with penetrative sex, as we’re introducing a foreign object into the vagina, but your mouth is one of the most bacteria-laden parts of your body – so oral sex can cause just as many problems down there as using toys or your fingers. (It’s less likely if you’ve used a dental dam without a powder coating, but it is still possible – better safe than sorry!)

11. Always clean your toys and wash your hands before sex – not necessarily after.

Of course, it’s a good idea to clean them twice, both before and after. But if you’re strapped for time, it’s significantly more important to thoroughly wash anything that’s going to come into contact with vaginal moisture before it actually comes into contact. This is particularly true for those who are more prone to infections, but even someone who has never had a UTI before can experience the discomfort with little actual warning.

If you’re using any barrier methods, you’ll want to wash those, too. Some dental dams have a powder coating to prevent them from sticking together, and most latex gloves (commonly cut up for makeshift dental dams) will have a similar powder coating on the outside. This powder definitely counts as a foreign object that can penetrate the vagina – even if you’re not having penetrative sex. And, while condoms are a great idea for using toys, they often have spermicides that can create their own problems. If you don’t need the spermicide, opt for a condom without it.

12. No two vaginas (or vulvas) are exactly the same.

Many of us grew up with the idea of “porn vaginas” being the ideal. Quite frankly, this is probably one of the most self-esteem-damaging body image issues that face the modern woman. Every vagina has a slightly different color, different shape, and different size. Labias are all different, too, and it’s even possible (and likely!) that one half of your vulva won’t quite match up with the other half.

Your labia looks different at different times, too. During orgasm, for example, the labia will be darker and larger than it usually is, due to the increased blood flow to the area. This is definitely not a bad thing – that darker, “fatter” labia is a sign that you’re probably enjoying yourself, and should be celebrated!

13. If your partner gives a damn what you look like down there, she’s the problem – not you.

If your partner truly likes women, he or she isn’t going to care if your vulva looks pretty, or if your vagina isn’t “tight enough”, or if you haven’t shaved in a while. (Although oral sex is a bit uncomfortable with sharp stubble, most of us know how to work around it pretty well.) As long as you’re taking care of things, there’s no such thing as a bad smell from a healthy vagina – perhaps it could smell a bit strong, but most likely, your partner won’t care.

My partner happens to love the strong smell that comes after a good workout, although personally I don’t like the way I smell at that time. Does it mean there’s a problem with my vagina? Not at all – it’s just a stronger scent, and for those who love the smell of a healthy vagina, a stronger smell is not a bad thing at all. If your partner judges you for anything involving your lady bits, she is not the right woman for you!

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15 Things My Nieces And Nephews Have Taught Me About Adult Life

I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews. I’ve been a Happy Auntie since I was 7 ½ years old – making me one of the youngest aunts in my social circle. (My oldest nephew just turned 18 last year and I was 100% not prepared for that realization.)

He’s not my only nephew, though – in fact, I have a total of five nieces and five nephews now, and not a day goes by with them visiting me that I don’t learn something new about myself, and about life in general. Just as often as they remind me that I’m not really ready to be a parent yet, they also inspire me to try new things and be a better person.

What, specifically, have they taught me?

1. Be fearless (at least most of the time).

Most of the kids are completely at peace with the idea that “trying new things” sometimes means “getting hurt” – but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try those new things anyway. Sure, sometimes they are actually scared and won’t do the new thing unless one of their brothers dares them to – but as many times as I’ve turned down a challenge in my life, these kids have motivated me to take those challenges.

With the kids, it usually means something like drinking a shot glass full of hot sauce, or doing a backflip on the trampoline. But for me, it means things like try for that job you might not get, or actually ask the store associate for help instead of walking around like an awkward mess. Okay, so I haven’t exactly got that fearless thing down yet, but they inspire me to try.

2. Everyone (and everything) is special if you look closely enough.

Have you ever talked to a child about something that seems a bit ridiculous to us grown-ups? They don’t see it as ridiculous. It’s completely normal for kids to believe in fairies and unicorns and all that other stuff that we, as adults, think is impossible. Kids see the magic in the smallest things, and even the magic within themselves, and somewhere along the way, we lose that sense of wonder – but my nieces and nephews remind me that we don’t have to.

Just watching the kids play with their broken colored pencils (because I’m far too much of a control freak to let them break my “nice” ones), their hand-me-down toys, and even the strangers that I would have otherwise looked over… It reminds me of the playful innocence that I once had, too, and really makes me appreciate the miracles that exist – even if they’re not really fairies, unicorns, and dragons. To a child, everything is magical until proven otherwise.

3. Trust your intuition.

My nieces and nephews don’t always think things through all the way. It’s not their fault, though – the impulse center of your brain isn’t fully developed until you’re about 25, so realistically, I’m just starting to outgrow my impulsivity. (Or, at least, the bits of impulsiveness that my OCD and anxiety didn’t already squash.) The kids, on the other hand, will do things totally reckless and carefree – and, in most cases, come out better because of it.

Sure, sometimes your gut instincts lead you astray. I’ve fallen victim to poor intuition a few times (usually because I saw someone as special when really they were just manipulative). But the kids teach me that it’s worth taking a chance, just to see if you were right. And, if you don’t get the results you wanted, at least you learned something.

4. Be yourself – unapologetically.

The kids don’t let others influence who they are. They haven’t learned the societal rules that keep us “in place” yet. (Well, maybe the oldest one has, but we’re just going to pretend he’s still little, because I’m still not ready to accept that he’s taller than I am yet.) The kids don’t care what strangers think of them – they know these random people mean very little in the grand scheme of things.

It took me a long time to realize that you really don’t have to care what strangers think of you, and if those strangers judge you for being yourself, that’s not someone you want as your friend anyway. One of my biggest hopes for my nieces and nephews is that they never stop giving themselves permission to be true to themselves – and that they keep reminding me that I have permission to be myself, too.

5. Happiness should be chased.

There was a long period in my life when I felt that happiness needed to be earned. I thought that, if I did all the right things, I would be happy – without having to try. As adults, we learn that there are things we have to do, and be happy manages to get cut from most people’s lists. But why? Don’t we all deserve to be happy?

Watching a child play, it becomes apparent that you will sometimes need to create your own happiness. It doesn’t always come from doing the things you’re supposed to do, and in some cases, those “have-to’s” are really all in our head. Truthfully, being happy with your life is really the only thing you have to do – otherwise, you’re going to be miserable. It should be obvious, really, but it’s something that somehow escapes us once the pressure and responsibility of being a “grown-up” takes over.

6. Self-expression is essential to happiness.

Those of you who have read a few of my posts probably know that I’m big on the idea of journaling – but, realistically, there’s more to expressing yourself than just writing some words down in a book. Kids don’t worry about writing it down, out of sight of others. In fact, they’re usually the first to say exactly what’s on their mind (at least, if they haven’t been conditioned otherwise). If they’re tired, they’ll let you know. If they’re sad, they’ll cry. If they’re mad, they’ll make it pretty obvious they’re mad – even if you’re in the middle of a public place and would really prefer they weren’t so “expressive” at that exact moment.

As adults, we’re often conditioned that our emotions are to be kept to ourselves, or maybe shared with those closest to us and hidden from “public view”. When you ask someone “How are you?”, the socially acceptable answer is always “Good, how are you?” – even though that’s not always the truth. When did it become more important to make other people comfortable than it did to make ourselves comfortable?

7. Love has no ulterior motives.

My nieces and nephews love being dropped off with me, even though they know I’ll probably be working most of the time they’re here. They know what I do (okay, maybe not the specifics – there’s no way I’m talking to them about sex positions, obviously), but they loved me even when I didn’t have such an awesome job. Back when I was working a hundred hours a week* just to make $200, they loved me just as much as they do now that I can afford to spoil them senseless. It’s never been about money to them.

(* – I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a hundred-hour week, but I did do a stretch of three or four 76-hour weeks in a row, and let me tell you… It sucked.)

8. Give what you can give – sharing is joy.

I know, not all kids have mastered this one – but my nieces and nephews are some of the kindest, most generous kids I know, and it’s something I strive for in my own life. If I had a dollar for every time they offered to share the last cookie with me, or when they colored me a picture just because they wanted to give me something, or when they brought me “wildflowers” (aka weeds) or “gemstones (aka yard rocks)… Well, I’d never have to work a 76-hour week again.

Truthfully, most kids start out like this, but somewhere along the way, we forget that giving brings us so much joy. As we grow up, we start to devalue the act of giving to people who don’t do anything in return – after all, “why should we” share the little we have with someone who wouldn’t share with us? But, realistically, giving freely to someone else inspires them to give freely, and it makes the whole world a more loving place. Even if all you can give is advice and hugs, your life will be so much better if you do.

9. Forgiveness is one of the greatest skills we can have.

Kids don’t hold grudges, and if they do, it’s not for very long. It’s not because they’ve forgotten – I still remember many of the bad things that happened to me when I was young – but it’s because they know that bad situations aren’t permanent. When a child gets punished (within reason and within the confines of the law), they’ve usually let go of any resentment by the time they’re not in trouble anymore. Adults, on the other hand, hang onto the negatives and let them define situations that they probably shouldn’t.

Being able to forgive others is just as important as being able to forgive yourself. And, truthfully, that’s another thing that kids are usually better at than the adults in their lives – when’s the last time you heard a kid talking about how mad they were for something that happened ten years ago? (Assuming, of course, that they’re at least ten years old.) Most likely, you haven’t, unless their home life has conditioned them to think that they should feel guilty about it. Why, then, do we teach ourselves that we should be ashamed of our pasts?

10. Be honest – it saves you a lot of trouble.

Kids don’t start off knowing how to lie. My nieces and nephews are really bad at lying, actually, and the younger ones won’t even try. They don’t sugarcoat things. They won’t tell you a half-truth to spare your feelings. And they sure don’t hide the things they do if they’ve done something wrong – just ask a four-year-old if they did something wrong, and they’ll either tell you no, they didn’t, or they’ll cry – letting you know that they did, in fact, do the wrong thing.

Likewise, you can trust the things that kids tell you, because they don’t see it as a risk of hurting your feelings. If a child tells you that you look nice, you really do look nice – at least to them. If they tell you they accidentally broke your favorite cup, then they mean they’re actually sorry that they broke it, and they wanted to save you the pain of finding out about it without warning. And they understand that it takes more work to make up a story than it does to just tell the truth.

11. Your imagination and creativity are meant to be shared with the world.

Kids don’t filter their creativity before letting it out – at least, not until an adult tells them they should. They believe that every idea they come up with is incredible, and with a little work, can be that pure magic we were talking about earlier. Not only are they willing to share their creativity with you, but they expect you to have the same level of wonder that they have – and they’re disappointed if they find that you don’t. (Truthfully, you should be disappointed, too – creativity isn’t just for kids, it’s a big part of effective problem solving.)

As a writer, this resonates really strongly with me – but it took me a long time to realize that my childhood dreams of getting paid to write weren’t silly, they weren’t unrealistic, and they definitely weren’t a waste of my time. I just wish I had realized sooner that being a “grown-up” didn’t mean giving up the things that made me happy – it just meant finding a creative way to be happy with the things I had.

12. Believe in yourself, even when no one else does.

My nieces and nephews are lucky enough to have a strong support system at home, but not everyone believes in them as strongly as our family does. There are always other kids who think that they’re “weird”, but they don’t care. They know what they’re good at, and they know how to harness those skills and make them even better. My oldest nephew actually had a sponsorship from a big BMX bicycle company for a while, because he had the courage to pursue his dreams – and that’s part of why I decided to pursue a future in writing. If he could become a professional cyclist at 15, there was nothing really stopping me from being a writer except for myself.

Confidence is something that we’re taught is a bad thing, as it can border on arrogance if not “contained”. But truthfully, if you’re good at something, you deserve to be confident and proud about it. You deserve to do the things you’re good at, and to cultivate the things you’re not so good at. Kids understand the idea of practicing, and they’re probably going to try as hard as they can to be as good as they can at as many things as they are interested in. Why not? Confidence and determination make the difference between success and failure. Shouldn’t we all strive for success?

13. Always dream bigger than you think is possible.

Kids dream of things like becoming an astronaut, or a doctor, or even a princess or a knight (even though, realistically, that’s not something you can easily “become”). Adults tend to put their dreams through some type of metaphorical probability filter, which really is just a way to excuse ourselves from not trying. I had this filter installed for me at a young age, and it led me to believe that being a writer was not a realistic career objective – so I gave up for a long time.

It turns out, if you keep your dreams big, the answers to your prayers will probably be closer than you imagined. Kids don’t sell themselves short. For the kids who aren’t filtered, they often find a way to make their dreams happen – and they’ll probably get a lot closer, a lot quicker, than those of us who have to return to our dreams later in life. If I had never given up on my dreams of being a writer, I probably would have published a few novels by now, but instead I’m just (relatively) getting started. Please, don’t ever tell your kids that their dreams are unrealistic.

14. Tomorrow is for excitement, not for worry.

Have you ever noticed that kids are rarely worried about what the future holds – unless Christmas or their birthday is coming up? Their innocence tells them that tomorrow is another day, and while they’ll most likely want to do the fun thing sooner, rather than later, they know that tomorrow is better than never.

They also don’t waste their time worrying about the things that could go wrong, because they’re too busy looking forward to the things that could go right. In most cases, anxiety is pretty much nonexistent in kids. They don’t have time to worry. They’re too busy loving their life and being amazing.

15. There’s always more time for work – and never enough time to have fun.

Kids are master procrastinators, but unlike their adult counterparts, it doesn’t come from a sense of perfectionism – it comes from a different set of priorities. They know that there’s always going to be more time to do the not-fun stuff, and while they do understand the importance of deadlines and due dates, they aren’t worried about it, because they know how important it is to be happy. If the things they do don’t make them happy, they don’t do them, unless someone else makes them do them.

Maybe it’s not so great to have this exact mindset as an adult, but being able to distinguish between the things you actually have to do and the things you’re “supposed” to do because it’s the “adult” choice is a skill that most adults have forgotten about. Not everything that we “have to do” is something we really have to do, and if working those extra hours doesn’t bring you joy – why are you doing it? (Admittedly, I’m still working on mastering this one, but I’m getting a lot closer, with the help of my nieces and nephews.)

The Struggles Of Being “Almost Ready” To Move In With Your Girlfriend

Relationships can be scary sometimes. (Hopefully it’s more of the amusement-park variety of scariness, and not the serial killer variety, of course.) Of all the scariest times, the first time you guys have The Talk about moving in together is probably one of the scariest. It’s a place I’ve been a few times now – sometimes, it resulted in us actually moving in together, and sometimes it didn’t. There’s a lot of talk about when “the right time” is – but truthfully, it’s different for everyone, and every relationship.

And sometimes, your brain gets stalled right before you have The Talk. (Because, let’s face it, sometimes The Talk is almost as scary as actually doing it.)

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in this place, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

You know you love her, and maybe you’ve already said it – but maybe you haven’t yet. You know you want to be with her for the foreseeable future, but you’re not sure if you’re ready for that to mean all the time. You know that, financially, it’s cheaper to share the rent – and maybe you’re at a point in your life where that has a lot of pull. But, maybe, you’re not sure if the pros outweigh the cons.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but they don’t. At least, not on their own. That’s exactly why your brain latches onto everything that could go wrong – there are a lot of things that could go wrong. If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or insecurities, it can be even more difficult. Thankfully, there are some ways you can get around some of the biggest issues, and push yourself that last little bit to bring up the topic – if it’s the right topic to bring up. (Spoiler alert: It’s not always a good idea.)

Struggle #1: You want to wake up to her, but you’re not ready to give up your personal space.

It’s an unfortunate fact: Living with someone else almost always means that you’re going to have to sacrifice some personal space. If you can afford to pay rent at both places (or if you’re both managing your rent comfortably without each other), it’s completely acceptable to keep your own space. Truthfully, financial hardship is one of the worst reasons to move in with your significant other, so realistically, you should be able to afford your own space, otherwise there are going to be even more unnecessary strains on your relationship.

When my current girlfriend and I started getting serious, I spent most of my time at her place instead of my own. Truthfully, I had some terrible roommates – one even went so far as to make a very strong pass at my girlfriend while she was drunk, and another had a boyfriend who stole some expensive jewelry from me. But, because I did have these roommates, I was already used to sharing my personal space a little bit – and could afford to pay some bills at both places while I was spending most of my time there.

Once we “fully” moved in together and I left my roommates’ place behind, my alone time became a very precious commodity. While I had been living with my roommates, I at least knew I had my room to go to when I needed some “me” time. Now, I was sharing a smaller bedroom, with another person – which was quite an adjustment. I looked forward to going for walks by myself, and even going to work – even though I didn’t particularly care for my job. It was still less than ideal, though, and we bickered a bit more than usual for a while.

Our long-term solution? Surprise – you don’t have to give up your personal space. It’s completely appropriate to spend time apart when you’re in a relationship, even when you live together. Especially when you live together. I’m not talking about sleeping in separate bedrooms (although I have voluntarily slept on the couch a time or two), or keeping a completely separate home (although that’s definitely an option). But, in most cases, it’s completely normal to have a space that’s dedicated as only yours. I have my home office, and when we move again, my girlfriend will have her media cave. If you can afford “extra” rooms, trust me – they don’t have to be guest rooms.

Struggle #2: You love her, but you’re not sure if you’re ready to be that serious.

I’m going to fill you in on a little secret here: Moving in together doesn’t have to mean a big step for your relationship. Just because that’s what it means for most people doesn’t mean that’s what it has to mean for you. In my own personal situation, the scummy roommate who made a pass at my girlfriend happened to be an ex-girlfriend. (We broke up a long time before we became roommates again.) Truthfully, with that girlfriend, we actually moved in together (the first time) before we started dating – but that’s a long and complicated story for another day.

My point here is that, sometimes, moving in together is just moving in together. Whatever reasons you have that would push you to move in together is going to be the motivator once you do live together. This is one of the reasons that moving in with your girlfriend to fix a financial problem is such a bad idea. It lets your finances run your relationship – and this isn’t a fun position for either of you. The strain caused by this type of a relationship shift can be catastrophic.

The other side of the coin is that, if you’re moving in together because you truly love each other… You will become more serious about each other. There’s no set time of “when” it should happen, either. It happens right when it’s supposed to, and when you feel that “click”, it’s magical. You’ll see every part of her, and instead of dreading the things she does that irritate you, it’ll actually make more sense for you to admire the things you love about her. It really is a strange phenomenon.

Struggle #3: You’re not even sure if you actually love her – but she asked you to move in, and you feel guilty saying no.

Truthfully, this is probably the easiest struggle of all. If you’re not sure if you want to move in with your girlfriend, but she expects you to move in together soon, the answer is to not move in together. If your girlfriend can’t accept that you’re not actually ready, and isn’t willing to wait for you to be ready, she doesn’t love you – she just loves the idea of you.

Or, maybe there’s another reason why she’s pushing you so hard. Maybe she doesn’t trust you (solution: break up). Maybe you can’t afford to live separately (solution: find another source of income). Maybe she can’t stand the idea of being alone (solution: get a pet). No matter what the specific issue is, if she’s not willing to wait for you to be ready, she doesn’t love you.

This might sound harsh, but realistically, your girlfriend shouldn’t be pushing you into anything you’re not ready for, and you shouldn’t do it to her, either. Relationships are about compromise… Which occasionally means that you don’t get what you want, in order for your partner to be happy. But if one of you says yes and the other says no, “no” is usually the winning answer – no matter what the question is.

Puerto Rico Governor Promises Equal Marriage Will Remain Despite Court Ruling Re-Banning It

Puerto Rico’s Governor, Alejandro García Padilla, has spoken out in favour of equal marriage – after a judge attempted to re-ban same-sex weddings by throwing out parts of the US Constitution.

The country is an unincorporated territory of the United States and is not fully recognised as a US state.

After the US Supreme Court ruled last May that equal marriage is a constitutional right, a panel of judges in Puerto Rico also cemented marriage equality, which looked to reverse a 2014 ruling that upheld Puerto Rico’s marriage ban.

However, US District Court Judge Juan Pérez-Giménez struck back this week, issuing an order aimed at re-banning equal marriage.

Judge Pérez-Giménez, the same judge who previously ruled against marriage equality and was overruled, now claims that the Supreme Court ruling doesn’t apply there because Puerto Rico “is not treated as the functional equivalent of a State for purposes of the Fourteenth Amendment”.

In his ruling, Judge Pérez-Giménez claimed:

One might be tempted to assume that the constant reference made to the ‘States’ in Obergefell includes the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico.

Yet, it is not the role of this court to venture into such an interpretation.

The Constitution applies in full in incorporated Territories surely destined for statehood but only in part in unincorporated Territories”.

Luckily, he argument doesn’t hold much sway with Puerto Rico’s Governor – who insists weddings will proceed regardless.

He said that equal marriage case had already been concluded, with the US Supreme Court and the First Circuit Court of Appeals both affirming that all US citizens have a “fundamental right to marriage”, including same-sex couples.

He added that he would “respect the rulings of superior courts” above the ruling of Judge Pérez-Giménez, adding that the judge’s ruling was a drastic departure from the existing legal understanding.

Staff attorney Omar González-Pagan, from Lambda Legal – one of the law firms that sued for equal marriage in the US, says it is confident the ruling will be overturned – said:

The marriages of same-sex couples in Puerto Rico are not in limbo and we appreciate that Governor García Padilla has reassured LGBT people and made clear to all others in the Island that marriage is here to stay.

The decision issued yesterday by District Court Judge Pérez Giménez is fundamentally flawed and we plan to file an appeal to ensure that this discriminatory ban does not stand.

The law is on our side. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit was clear when it stated that Puerto Rico’s marriage ban was unconstitutional and the U.S. Supreme Court has indisputably held that the constitutional guarantees of liberty and equality apply with equal force to the Commonwealth.”

Other activists are confident that the ruling will be overturned on appeal – especially given Pérez-Giménez has previously had his judgements overturned on equal marriage.

Judge Juan Perez-Gimenez was just one of two district judges in the US to uphold a same-sex marriage ban in 2014, against a flow of over 50 rulings in favour of equality.

In his since-overturned 2014 ruling, Judge Perez-Gimenez cited a ruling from 1972 against same-sex marriage – which almost all other judges in the country agreed had been rendered obsolete by subsequent case law – and claimed:

Recent affirmances of same-gender marriage seem to suffer from a peculiar inability to recall the principles embodied in existing marriage law.”

How Do I Get Over The Girl I Never Really Had?

Dear KitschMix,

So I work by this coffee shop and there was this hot woman who worked there that I had the hugest crush on. We would always make small talk and she gave me good discounts. Anyways, I started going in everyday and she would sure to keep me in eyesight as she worked. And before I left, she be sure to say goodbye to me.

But me being a huge dork completely missed or brushed off all the signs that she might like me. Even when she told my co-worker I was cute, I just brushed it off.

I thought she was straight for some reason and didn’t want to make things weird. Anyway, one day I go to get my coffee and discover, she’s no longer working there. So me being me, set out to find her on Facebook, to only discover she has a new girlfriend now, and new job on the other side of town.

I feel like I completely screwed myself out of a great girl. I don’t think I’ll ever see her again without looking like a complete weirdo.

Oh, man, I have been in this exact situation a time or two, and it really does suck. It can be hard when you’re dealing with the “invisible lesbians” – we like to make excuses that they’re probably straight, because we’re in a “straight business”, even if all the signs are there that she is definitely not straight. But we’ve been brainwashed to think that our gaydar (not a real thing, by the way) will go off when a woman is actually gay. This, of course, is highly inaccurate, because really we’re just guessing based on the stereotypes that we’re trying so hard to escape from.

I think it would be so much easier if all the homos could just wear a little tag that says they’re gay, but then again there was a pretty big war fought over why making someone wear their identity was a really, really bad thing. So, those of us who are too shy to get when someone is blatantly flirting with us will probably be doomed to stay ignorant forever. Sigh. Maybe someone should create an opt-in tag that says “Gay + Shy – Be direct with your flirting!” or something like that. I don’t know. I’m not good at coming up with slogans.

The fact that you didn’t date her doesn’t make getting over her any easier, and in fact, it probably makes things worse. As humans, we crave closure, which is hard to get in a non-relationship without humiliating yourself. And, since she has a girlfriend, pursuing this closure directly from her would be incredibly disrespectful to her relationship – don’t be that person.

Since you found out about her new job, her new girlfriend, and everything else by Facebook-stalking her (no judgment here – I’ve done it, too), you’re probably right about it being really weird if you “happen” to run into her at her new place. You could swing by, pretend it’s a coincidence, and pretend you know nothing about her new girlfriend until she brings her up – but personally, I think this is a bit tacky. Don’t do it.

Instead, I think the best way to get over this whole situation is to just let it run its course. This is going to be hard, but thankfully, she’s not right in your face – and “out of sight, out of mind” works well for some people. It probably won’t happen overnight, especially if she was as great as you said, but you will get over her. Or, if it’s really meant to be, she’ll know where to find you.

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We Asked, You Answered: What Do Women Prefer In A Girlfriend?

Recently, we polled our readers to see what you guys looked for in a partner. Well, the results have been tallied, and here’s what we found:

We love to laugh.

Our poll found that the most sought-after quality in a partner was a sense of humor. In fact, 49% of you thought it was the most important trait! This was followed by intelligence (at 26%) and kindness (at 25%). The good news is that a sense of humor can be learned, so if you’re not at the top of your game yet, there’s still room for improvement.

If you’re looking to improve your sense of humor, it can be as simple as learning a few jokes. It’s best to make sure your go-to jokes aren’t offensive to anyone – after all, you won’t know how easily offended she is until after you’ve gotten to know her (which doesn’t come until after you break the ice). You can learn new jokes pretty much anywhere – it’s up to you to decide which ones will make your personal repertoire.

Mean people need not apply.

An astounding 67% of our readers said that their date being rude to the wait staff at a restaurant would be a deal-breaker. This beat out self-centered conversation (at 19%) as well as poor table manners (at 14%). Women know that the way you treat the people who do things for you is a good reflection of who you are on the inside.

In fact, if you’re rude to wait staff, cashiers, et cetera, chances are you won’t be a very good partner or friend – so it’s best if you get that taken care of. Even if the person really is slacking on their job, it’s best if you’re able to practice patience and kindness. You won’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

The eyes are really the windows to the soul.

An impressive 81% of you think that eyes are the most attractive physical attributes on a potential partner. The runners up were teeth (at 10%) and hands (at 9%). While there is no universal definition for “pretty eyes”, it’s generally expected that a pretty pair of peepers makes you infinitely more attractive.

If you weren’t born with conventionally pretty eyes, it’s not a lost cause. There are many different preferences in terms of eyes; for example, for every person who prefers colored eyes, there’s another who prefers brown eyes. And there’s always room for negotiation, too – I’ve never heard of anyone being dumped because her eyes weren’t pretty enough. (Please, enlighten me if I’m wrong.)

We don’t really like being spoiled.

In our poll, we found that 51% of people would prefer to split the bill on the first date. If that wasn’t already enough of an indication that we feel uncomfortable being paid for, 42% of people would prefer they paid – leaving only 7% of people who expect their date to pay their way.

Generally, we’re of the mindset that whoever did the asking should be the one to pay, but if the other person isn’t comfortable being paid for, it’s best if you let her pay for herself. It’s actually pretty common that lesbians will be stubbornly independent, and if you want the relationship to have a chance, it’s best if you let her win this one.

Most women don’t mind waiting a little while.

You guys weighed in, and 59% of you said that you wouldn’t mind waiting about 15-30 minutes for your date to finish getting ready. 38% of people said they would wait up to an hour, as long as their date had a good reason. 3% of people said they wouldn’t wait for more than 5 minutes, though – so be punctual or don’t bother.

In any case, it’s generally best if you don’t leave your date waiting, if you can help it. Sometimes things happen – but no one really likes the person who’s late for everything. Try not to commit yourself to more than you can handle, to help make sure you can keep up with everything.

Most women don’t care about politics on the first date.

82% of women who responded to our poll said that they didn’t really care about politics on a first date, and they wouldn’t have an issue if their date voted for an opposing political party. 15% of you said that you’d have to have a word with them about it, while only 3% said that the date would be over.

Politics are a crazy thing, and sometimes our political views will change over the course of our lives. It’s widely accepted that you shouldn’t talk about politics right away, but with so many people getting involved these days, it’s sometimes hard to avoid. Isn’t it nice to know you probably won’t be judged for who you voted for?

Most women like to show affection at the end of a first date.

Our readers like to end their first date with a kiss (48%) or a hug (47%). Only 5% of our readers said they ended with just a goodbye. This is a nice thought, because we love to see affections expressed – even if the relationship is new!

Rest assured, though – if you’re not comfortable ending things with physical contact, there’s no rule that says you have to. The situations will be different for everyone, and not everybody is very touchy-feely right away.

You probably don’t need a job to get a date.

We asked our readers if they would date someone who was unemployed, and the answers were reassuring to those who are currently looking for work. 46% said that it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker, and 37% of people said they wouldn’t mind. Only 17% of our readers would turn down a date with someone who was unemployed.

One of the most important things to remember if you are concerned about your employment status at the moment is that honesty is the best policy. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t want to help you do better, it’s best if you know that right away – most women won’t mind motivating you to get on your feet.

We believe in love at first sight.

66% of our readers said that they do, in fact, believe in love at first sight. 34% said they didn’t. As staff, we’re divided on this, but the readers have spoken – loud and clear.

Personally, I think that the idea of love at first sight is romantic, but I don’t think everyone is able to experience it. I think it’s more something to think about than something to actually look for.

We won’t judge if you live with your parents.

If you’re embarrassed about living with your parents and worried that it’s impacting your game with the ladies, rest assured – 75% of readers don’t think so. Only 25% of our readers said that they wouldn’t date a woman who still lived with her parents.

I’m not entirely sure why society in general puts such an emphasis on moving away from home. After all, most 18-year-olds aren’t actually ready to live on their own, but our culture often tells them that they need to be. How is that fair when a couple months ago they had to raise their hand to go to the restroom? It doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Trust is super important.

We asked what the most important quality in a partner was, and most people said that they needed to be able to trust and confide in their partner. 25% of people said that a sense of humor was a must-have, and only 14% thought that their partner had to have shared interests with them.

Trust has always been a big deal, as there’s no real relationship without trust and respect. If you find it hard to trust your partner (or to be honest with her), it may be best if you walk away.

We believe in fairy tales.

Most of our readers (79%) believe in happy endings – the idea that you can find your soul mate and be truly happy with one another. Aww! Only 21% of our readers thought that happy endings were made up.

I’m not sure where I stand here, since I don’t think that true happiness ends – but it’s interesting to see that most of our readers are generally positive about their relationships.

We’re pretty shy – unless we really want something.

As lesbians, we’re often typecast as the one to sit in the corner of the bar and wait for the other woman to make a move. Well, 72% of you said that you’d only make the first move if you were seriously interested in her. 15% said that you usually make the first move, while 13% of people confirmed the stereotype – no approaching for us!

Personally, I fall in the third category. I am so shy that I often accidentally “decline” a flirtatious pass. (What can I say? I’m a little dense sometimes.) It’s nice to know I’m not alone, although it surprises me that we’re not in the majority! This is one stereotype I am guilty of falling for.

Zodiac doesn’t really matter. (Usually.)

Most people are interested in their horoscope, but they don’t usually let it influence their dating decisions. (An estimated 49% of people said that incompatible signs would not be a deal-breaker, while only 3% said it mattered to them.) 48% of people said it made no difference whatsoever – whether they personally checked their horoscope or not.

Most people are generally curious about astrology, but at this point in our society, we don’t usually give it too much weight overall. And I think it’s really important to not let your horoscope define your life – it’s your responsibility to make your future one you’ll enjoy.

And finally, we like being pursued. A lot.

An astounding 99% of our readers said that they liked when their partner made the first move – so even if we’re not too shy to make the move ourselves, it’s obvious that we still like to be approached. Only 1% of women said that they didn’t like when the other person approaches them first.

So what does this mean for the pursuers? Well, quite simply, keep it up! But even if you’re not usually the one to step up, it might be worth it to start. After all, most women are flattered by the compliments – even if they’re not interested. It’s always nice to know that someone thought we were appealing and made a point to tell us!

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The Bold and The Beautiful Introduces Its First Trans Character

If there’s one thing we know about daytime TV shows, it’s that by design they are ridiculous. Storylines are complex in an effort to get us tuning in each and every day. Is so and so’s cousin really the father of their best friend’s ex-girlfriend’s baby? Did that character’s long lost sister really kill her adopted step-brother? In the world of daytime TV those situations are entirely plausible.

Things go similarly complicated last week on the CBS’ daytime show The Bold and the Beautiful when the show introduced its first trans character, Maya.

TheBoldandTheBeautiful-trans-Character-03

The character, Maya Avant is also a woman of colour and in other circumstances, her addition would be fantastic since trans representation is lacking on our TV screen.

The problem is, in Maya’s previous storylines (she’s been in the show since 2013), the character confronted the fate of the daughter that she gave birth to. The fact that it’s now being revealed that Maya was born with male sex organs means that viewers will be forced to forget Maya’s past altogether.

Representation is good and important, but when it doesn’t make sense, it feels as though characters are just being shoe-horned in for the sake of a diversity quota.

Furthermore people also have some issues with the fact that Maya isn’t being played by a trans actress.

TheBoldandTheBeautiful-trans-Character

However, Karla Mosley, the actress who plays Maya, says that she’s been consulting GLAAD on how to get the role right. She also told US mag Us Weekly the following:

“As someone who is an artist and an activist, I know how important trans issues are — how it’s life and death for people at this point. The more that we in Hollywood can help people to understand what it is to be transgender, what that experience might be like for someone, and just to normalize it, I think we have the possibility of really changing some hearts and lives.

I think that that’s probably part of why they came to me with this. In addition to the fact that it really fits Maya’s story in this kind of amazing way that no one could’ve ever predicted, I think that they also knew that I would be totally ready and willing to talk about these things in an open way.”

While it’s hard to agree with Mosley that the trans identity fits Maya’s story, it is good to hear that she knows how important Maya’s portrayal is. The Bold and the Beautiful airs weekdays on CBS so tune in then to see how Maya’s story plays out.

Another New Lesbian Comedy In Development With Tina Fey and Fortune Feimster At The Helm

According to The Hollywood Reporter, ABC has placed orders for a new comedy project, Family Fortune starring actor-comedian Fortune Feimster.

Family Fortune is described as a semi-autobiographical project written by the Chelsey Lately veteran Feimster, and 30 Rock alum Matt Hubbard, Tina Fey and Robert Carlock.

After several years in Hollywood, Feimster got her break when Chelsea Handler brought her to her E! late-night talk show as a writer and performer.

The project is said to centre on ‘a popular gym teacher in Feimster’s native North Carolina who comes out of the closet to her close-knit group of family and friends. What she doesn’t realize is that she will also have to deal with her bickering and happily divorced parents also ‘coming out’ that they are sleeping together again’.

Ellen Degeneres also has a lesbian comedy in the making for NBC called One Big Family. However, her role is not in front of the camera, but behind the scene where she is the executive producing.

However despite featuring a lesbian story line, Ellen says the goal of the show was to make people laugh, not break new ground on TV with another lesbian show.

“It just happens to be a very funny show. It happens to have a lesbian character in it. It’s not like I formed a production company and said, ‘Bring me all your lesbian scripts.’ I’m not just going to be a lesbian machine that just turns out stuff.”

Ellen DeGeneres

How Many Lesbians Do You Know?

Its a FACT, the average person in the UK personally knows more gay men than lesbian women – a YouGov polling has reported.

Asking just two thousand participants from across the UK, the government poll revealed the average British person knows 5.5 gay men and 3.1 lesbian women, either as friends or acquaintances.

An as if the stats couldn’t get any better – the average man knows 6 gay men and 2.7 lesbians, while the average woman knows 5 gay men and 3.4 lesbians, according to the data.

This informative information was gathered by government body YouGov in a survey aiming to find a reasonable number for how many gays and lesbians there are in the UK.

Unsurprisingly, people who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual are extremely likely to know many more, with the average gay person knowing 21.6 gay men, and 10.3 lesbians.

The survey also shows a geographical difference in the numbers of gays and lesbians the average person knows in the UK.

Londoners know a higher number of gay men than anywhere else in the UK, with the average spiked to 12.1, with the average person knowing 8.5 gay men and 3.6 lesbians.

Across the UK, the average person knows 4.8 to 5.5 gay men, whereas they know significantly less lesbian women, with the averages ranging from 2.5 to 3.6 lesbian women known to the average heterosexual Brit.

The government now estimates there are 3.6 million British people who identify as gay or lesbian.

Jodie Foster, Taylor Schilling, Kate Mulgrew, and Robin Wright talk “Women Ruling TV” at Netflix panel

“Women Ruling TV” was hosted by Netflix, and for the event they pulled together an impressive panel of stars and directors, to talk about their experiences in television. Jodie Foster, Taylor Schilling and Kate Mulgrew (from Orange is the New Black), Robin Wright (representing “House of Cards”) and Jehane Noujaim (director of “The Square”) answered questions.

For a full breakdown of the event read IndieWire’s recap.

“When I blend a comedy and drama, as a director, I have to have something quirky. I read the book and I called my agent and was like I need to be a part of that.”

Jodie Foster.

 

 

 

Young People in Ireland Come Together to Eliminate Homophobia

Yesterday, Ireland’s Minister for Education Ruairí Quinn launched the fifth annual Stand Up! campaign against homophobic and transphobic bullying campaign. The is campaign organised by BeLonG To, a national organisation for LGBT young people.

Lately, Irish people have shown a very strong level of support for the LGBT community. At BeLonG To they received phone calls, letters and donations from people who were moved by hearing about the injustices we experience and the harm caused by generations of hostility – people who want a better, more just Ireland.

However, there has been an attempt to reduce the conversation over the past months to a debate about same-sex marriage. It is convenient for those who oppose equality to frame this as a defence of “traditional” marriage. This opposition, supported by generations of ingrained structural homophobia, continues to affect LGBT people’s rights to equal education, housing, employment, healthcare and, of course, safety from violence.

LGBT teenagers are the most likely to experience homophobia. Research shows most experience homophobia in school and most teachers recognise the problem. It also shows there is a direct relationship between experiences of homophobia in adolescence and poor mental health, including attempted suicide.

At BeLonG To we have spent a decade working to change this and to analyse why homophobia is so prevalent and damaging among young people. One reason is the strict gender policing young people are subjected to – young men must act like “real” men and young women must learn to be conventionally desirable women. Homophobia is one stick used to beat those who don’t conform.

Another reason is in the nature of the Irish education system. The enduring influence on it of the Catholic Church is perhaps nowhere more clearly articulated than in the exceptionalist bias of Irish employment legislation. At present, section 37.1 of the Equality Employment Act allows religious institutions to discriminate in the hiring and promotion of staff in order to uphold their religious ethos.

Being openly LGBT can, therefore, be legitimate grounds for not hiring or promoting staff in denominational schools. This has created a situation whereby LGBT teachers fear coming out and being role models. In schools the negative consequences of section 37.1 affect the way in which sexuality is discussed, and whether homophobic bullying is challenged and LGBT students are supported. While Catholic-maintained schools can be run in a way that is inclusive of LGBT young people, it is clear they are often alienated within such environments.

However, significant change is happening. In 2013 the Department of Education published the first national action plan on bullying, which prioritises actions to combat homophobic and transphobic bullying. It states that a school’s ethos cannot and should not be a barrier to respecting and valuing LGBT members of the school community or tackling homophobic bullying. New mandatory anti-bullying procedures oblige all schools to take proactive, educational measures to create cultures that are safe for LGBT young people. A curriculum on LGBT identity is now taught, and the Department of Education co-sponsors the Stand Up! campaign.

We can now work to make schooling the transformative experience it should be. Schools can be places where young people learn to think for themselves, embracing and respecting the reality that we live in a fascinating diverse society. Working with children and young people we can eliminate any stigma attached to being LGBT and end homophobia.