Coming Out of a Marriage by Megan Luscombe

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Let’s get things out in the open because I’m a transparent type of person and I want you to get too know me.

My name is Megan and I am lesbian living in Melbourne, Australia. I have the most incredible girlfriend and I live an extremely blissful life. I spend my days as a relationship and wellness counselor/coach and my nights much the same. It has taken me many years to reach this point in my life where I can honestly say, hand on my heart, I am truly happy.

Want to know a little secret though?

I used to be unhappy. I used to be anxious. I used to be married.

To a man

You see, once upon a time when I was 18 I found myself at a difficult fork in the road with the decision to either:

a) Live a life that reflected who I was or
b) Live a life that reflected who I thought people wanted me to be

I ultimately took the latter of the two, the easy option.

Why? I was terrified of the consequences that would come if I went with option A. What if I made the wrong decision? What if my family rejected me? What if my friends didn’t support me? What if no girl would ever take me seriously because I’d only had relationships with men?

Sure, I’d slept with girls and had some serious crushes but I’d never had a serious relationship with a woman before. What if I didn’t have what it took?

I had so many questions going through my head at times I would send myself into an anxiety attack so I stuck to what I knew and accepted a date with a man.

Flash forward to my 25th birthday and I decided to make a change. Enough was enough; I had some decisions to make and some risks to take, starting with ending a 7-year relationship and almost 2-year marriage.

So, what did I do?

I found my inner voice and strength – I visited a Life Coach for 6 months. Together we worked at changing my mindset and allowing me to completely trust in myself and how I was feeling. I learned to listen to my feelings instead of ignoring them or blocking them out. I made myself a promise to heed to what I was saying inside instead of discarding it all. I decided to take charge of my life and to be ME, instead of being the person I thought people wanted.

I allowed myself to be scared – I was about to end a relationship/marriage and change my life, as I knew it! Of course that’s scary! Instead of permitting myself to feel bad about being scared or thinking I was doing the wrong thing, I told myself again and again that everything I was experiencing was completely normal and natural, part of the process. I drew strength from my fear and began to understand that my fear gave me power. It demonstrated that I was taking control of my life and what I wanted for the first time in my life. I turned my fear into anticipation and excitement!

I was honest to my (then) husband – He deserved the truth and he alone. I didn’t have to explain anything to anyone else because in all honesty, it didn’t affect them. I was lucky in my situation that he took it as well as he could whilst also being extremely understanding (even encouraging of me being true to myself). We ended our relationship and got a divorce!

Did I come up against any negative criticism?

Yes! And although it was not welcomed, it was expected. I had some (what I thought were) friendships end and some negative feedback from certain individuals, but those people are no longer in my life.

Those individuals do not and never would love and accept the real me. That is their loss.

Being who I am inside has been the quickest way to learn who really does love and appreciate me, as opposed to people who only gave a shit when I was who they wanted me to be.

The people I have in my life right now I truly adore and cherish.

Want to know something else?

I wouldn’t change a thing, take anything back or change my past if I could. Everything I did lead me to where I am now, and that is one extremely happy lady!

One thought on “Coming Out of a Marriage by Megan Luscombe

  1. Michelle

    Thank you for this. I have just come out of an almost 9 year relationship. I have never felt so scared, alone or experienced issues of self doubt over my decision …reading this article has helped me realise that everything I am feeling is completely normal and will ease over time

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