Dating anyone is inherently a learning curve. Dating when you’re not used to dating, or when you weren’t particularly looking for anyone, can be even tougher. But dating the woman who’s used to be single? That’s gotta be the toughest. It’s nothing like you pictured it in your head. Here you are expecting to win her over, and then once you have her, you still don’t really have her yet.
What do you have to look forward to when you date a woman who wasn’t trying to date anyone?
Expect her independence.
She’s been doing her own thing for so long, she sometimes forgets to fill you in on her plans. She’s not used to asking permission from anyone and she’s not about to start now.
Take things slow.
She’s not used to the attention, so she’s going to want to take things slow. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, and in fact, it probably means she likes you more. This is still new to her, and it’s going to take a while to get used to.
Her friends probably won’t like you.
It’s nothing personal – they’re just a little overprotective of her. They’re going to want to grill you to make sure you’re right for her, because they can’t stand seeing her get hurt. They’ll warm up to you in time – if you pass their tests.
She’ll say “no thanks” – a lot.
It’s not that she doesn’t like the “gentleman” act you’ve got going. She’s just so used to doing things for herself that it’s hard to let someone else take care of her. She has to learn that there’s someone else looking out for her now.
She’ll be stubborn.
Like, really stubborn. She’s not used to having to check in with anyone, so she’s used to getting her own way. It doesn’t mean she’s spoiled, because she has no problem getting things on her own. Be stubborn right back at her – but don’t forget to let her win sometimes, too.
She needs extra alone time.
Especially at the beginning when she should be stuck to your hip, you should anticipate being alone a little more. It’s not that she’s trying to push you away – she’s just got more feelings than she knows what to do with. Give her time, and she’ll warm up to you eventually.
She might pull away.
When she realizes how into you she is, she’s probably going to try and retreat. Be patient with her – this is all unfamiliar territory. She’ll probably come around after she’s had time to process her feelings.
She might seem a little insecure.
If she’s been single for a long time (or her whole life!) she might question the relationship. A lot. She’s going to want to know if everything’s real, or if you’re just wasting her time. Or leading her on. Or getting too close. She’s going to want to know every detail, because she’s not used to sharing her life with someone like that.
She’s “got this” – until she doesn’t.
You should anticipate her being headstrong. Remember how she’s used to doing everything for herself? It’s going to take a while before she’s ready to let you help her. Eventually, she’ll let you help her, but for now, she’s going to try and be invincible. Keep offering to help anyway.
She’ll try to keep you out.
Be patient and kind – this is a test. I know, I know, it’s not fair to test your partner, but she’s got her reasons. If you’re willing to get through the locks, she’ll let you in. She’s hoping you’ll stick around to see what’s inside.
Trust isn’t cheap.
Trust is a huge deal to her, so she’s not going to give you much at once. It’s going to feel like a lot to her, though, so cherish the things she lets you know. And don’t ever, ever break her trust – you’ll never get it back.
Ignore her outer shell.
She’s going to come across as hard and rocky. She might even be a bit intimidating at first. Don’t believe it, though – she’s a big softy on the inside. You just have to wait until she opens up.
Don’t expect a life story.
At least, not right away. She’ll show you the shallow details, but the things that are important to her stay hidden inside. But that’ll just make you love her more when you do meet her inner goddess.
She won’t be vulnerable.
Some people want to come in and sweep the forever-alone woman off her feet – save the day, if you will. But this woman will have none of that. She knows she’s strong, and she’s not going to let anyone make her feel weak. You won’t be saving the day today.
She doesn’t need you.
She wants you. And that’s a huge distinction. She knows she doesn’t really need much, but the things she wants, she keeps – and it’ll be completely entrancing.
She’s going to protect herself from being hurt. She’s going to protect herself from being loved, because it might result in being left. She isn’t going to want to risk it – she won’t know who she is if she loses you. She’s not used to letting someone have that power.
She’ll fall hard.
And she’ll probably fall for you way before she admits it. She’s more comfortable being alone, but she will let you in eventually and it will be pure bliss.
She’ll change your life.
Whether you’re hers for a day, a year, or a lifetime, you won’t be the same after her – and she won’t be the same after you.