Who we are in the bedroom isn’t necessarily who we are out in the world – but there are some cues to your personality hidden within your sexual style!

Even the most adventurous among us most likely has that one go-to position that reveals something about their personality. This might be something that doesn’t need to be said, such as someone who only has sex while fully (or mostly) clothed may have some body confidence issues. Other times, it might be something deeper and more hidden. If you are having sex within the confines of a committed relationship, it’s likely that your partner already knows these things about you from outside of your sexual relationship – but wouldn’t it be nice to know what it means?

Of course, we encourage our readers to pursue many different sexual activities (safely, and with both partners consenting), but the things you try don’t say as much about you as your go-to position. Read on to find out more.


Favorite Position: Missionary/Traditional Sex

Many people might think that the missionary position between lesbian partners means that one of them is emulating a heterosexual relationship, as the missionary position is considered the “standard” for straight couples. However, it’s actually pretty standard for most relationships. It’s usually the easiest, and the position we’re most comfortable with. But that doesn’t mean it’s “straight-acting” or “boring”.

Traditional or missionary sex as your favorite go-to position indicates that you are afraid of change. This isn’t always a bad thing, as long as you are willing to spice it up every now and then. The preference for missionary position indicates that you would rather do something you know you can do well than to branch out and possibly fail. It doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to try new things – but you feel more comfortable in your “safety net”.


Favorite Position: Doggy Style

The appeal of this position in the bedroom is irrefutable. There’s something sexy about the act of being “taken”, and doggy style sex eagerly lends itself to this. Whether you use a toy, your hands, or even your mouth, sex from behind is a way to take charge (on the part of the giver) and a willingness to give your body fully (to the receiver).

What this means for your personality is that you’re probably either a “giver” or a “receiver” – although those labels aren’t as cut-and-dry as they may seem. In fact, the one who is the “giver” in doggy style sex is more likely to be the “receiver” outside of the bedroom – that is, they may require a great deal of attention from their partner, and in return they offer their “services” in the bedroom. The “receiver”, on the other hand, is likely to be more caring and dedicated in their actions outside of the bedroom – often giving themselves wholly to their partner in every aspect they can.

That doesn’t automatically mean there isn’t equality in the relationship. If both partners are particularly fond of this position, it indicates a level of balance that often isn’t understood by others, but that’s okay. Your relationship isn’t for spectators – it’s for you!


Favorite Position: 69

This is an implied position of balance. I have often remarked on how the “69” representation looks an awful lot like a yin-yang symbol, and for good reason – the two are in harmony.

If you and your partner both prefer a 69 position, it means you value the most efficient process to get things done. (And what could be more efficient than mutual oral gratification?) You’re likely to be successful in other aspects of your life, because you’re used to balancing the “giving” and the “getting”. You know that it can’t all be work, and it can’t all be play – so you find a way to enjoy the tasks at hand, as well as to turn the “play time” into something you’re dedicated to.

Outside of the bedroom, the couple is likely to share tasks whenever possible. They know that if they are able to get through the “have to” more quickly, they can get to the “want to” more quickly. They also understand that if they can prioritize and multi-task effectively, they can actually enjoy more fun than if they hadn’t taken the time to coordinate.

(It should be noted that “actual” multi-tasking is a lie; often, in a professional standpoint, if we try to focus on multiple things at a time, often at least one of them will suffer, if they’re not in complete symbiosis – but that’s another story for another day.)


Favorite Position: Sitting on Your Partner’s Face

This is a position of control. The person who is doing the face-sitting will undoubtedly be in a position of power in the relationship, and possibly in life outside of the relationship. They are used to getting what they want and will take it if it’s not offered to them outright. They know what it takes to reach their goals and they won’t stop until they get them.

In the bedroom, this often means that they’re the more dominant partner, although that’s not necessarily the case. (I once got on my knees to be taken from behind, and much to my surprise my partner slid herself underneath me instead – this was quite a shock, but in the best possible way!) Even if you know what you want, sometimes it’s nice to have someone else show you what else you might like. We often don’t know what we like until we try it.


Favorite Position: Try Anything Once!

For those who can’t pick a favorite position, it may appear that they are indecisive or hard to please. However, that’s not usually the case. An inability to pick a single position usually implies that they have a wide variety of tastes, which often translates outside of the bedroom. It’s definitely more common to have a favorite than to not have one, but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with not being able to choose.

If you or your partner would rather try something new than to revisit an “already tried” position, it means that you value excitement and stimulation. You may be easily bored, but you don’t have a short attention span as may be implied. Rather, you feel that your sex life should be based on new experiences, which requires a great deal more learning and experimenting than those who stick with the routine.

Outside of the bedroom, this may translate to an inability to decide what we want to do with our lives. However, this isn’t so much an indecision as it is a fear of missing out. We may wonder what if we had chosen a different path – so we switch directions. We can’t stand the idea of not knowing every possible outcome.

Sometimes, a lack of a favorite may indicate anxieties and compulsions in the personality. This isn’t always bad, as anxiety and over-thinking stem from high intelligence, and compulsions are seeded in thinking as well. Just because you don’t have a favorite position (or a favorite color, or a favorite song…) doesn’t mean that you don’t like any of them – it means you like them all so much that you can’t limit yourself to just one. And there’s nothing wrong with that!


1 Comment

  • Posted November 14, 2015 2:02 pm
    by Arduenn

    “If you and your partner both prefer a 69 position, it means you value the most efficient process to get things done.” – How did you find that out? To how many people included in your study did this hypothesis apply? Was it statistically significant? And why do I have a vague suspicion you just made this up?

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