Dear KitschMix,

I’ve started dating a really wonderful woman and she means a lot to me. She is very masculine – doesn’t wear women’s clothing, makeup, and the only jewellery she wears is two small studs in each ear, so I’m kind of at a loss as to what to get her for Valentine’s Day. My last girlfriend was the complete opposite, and I’m also very femme. She is my first butch girlfriend so to speak.

I don’t want to treat her like a girl, I want to make her feel special and I’d like to buy her something she can wear all the time, and since it’s our first together, I’d like to make it something memorable, but any kind of flashy jewellery would probably be met with a luke-warm reception.

I’ve been thinking about some kind of “butch” friendship bracelet, or something like that, but the ones I’ve found are generally pretty shoddy and cheaply made. She’s been talking about wanting some colour on her body – I guess I’m looking for something colourful without being super-feminine. Any suggestions? (BTW: She’s in her 30’s.) Thanks.

Hi Reader! I found myself in a similar situation when my current girlfriend and I got together. I’ve never been particularly interested in butch girls, but she persuaded me to change my mind. Unfortunately, I knew NOTHING about butch women! (Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s hard to understand any women, but especially one who’s so different from you.)

Obviously, I can’t tell you what your girlfriend likes, as she’s probably different than my girlfriend, but here are a few ideas that have worked for me over the past few years:

1. A pocket watch. Pocket watches are highly customizable, and very memorable – especially if you get it engraved, or hand-select one that suits her preferences. My girlfriend likes Nightmare Before Christmas, so I got her a Jack Skellington watch this year – it’s actually pretty cute. You could also choose a simpler one, and take it somewhere to be engraved.
2. A photo book. There are a number of websites that will let you create custom photo books, with your own captions and backgrounds. You may be able to find a store that does this locally – I used to work for a small photography company that would do photo books for their customers from time to time.
3. Something handmade. For my first Valentine’s day with my girlfriend, I crocheted her a blanket for her bed. It seems a little cheesy, but arts-and-crafts stuff goes over really well with some women. I’ve still got a picture on my wall from a high school girlfriend. (She did it with chalk pastels, and it’s this gorgeous, weird, abstract rainbow thing. It’s pretty neat, actually.) Most women appreciate things that come from the heart, so think of something creative and go with it!
4. Simple earrings. There’s a huge selection of earring sets available, in men’s and women’s styles, and generally you can never have too many. I just bought my girlfriend a 6-pair pack of “illusion plugs” (they look like gauged earrings, but they’re just posts). Last year I bought her a pair of rainbow anodized steel Batman earrings, which she wears a lot. Most butch women like to keep their style simple, but that doesn’t mean it has to be boring!
5. A hat. It might not be the most romantic answer, but if she enjoys hats (or any specific clothing items, really), the simple act of hand-selecting something that you think will look good on her can be sweet. My girlfriend already has a lot of hats, so I bought her a hat rack this year. She’s been hinting that she wants some dress shirts, too – maybe your girlfriend would like one?
6. Pretty much anything personalized. If you can get something engraved or otherwise personalized, this is a way to add a memorable touch to it, without being too terribly flashy.

Truly, the options are limitless when it comes to gifts – it all depends on your girlfriend in particular. My partner likes flashy and sparkly, just not “feminine”, so my options may be a little more open than yours.

Personally, I think I’d recommend a pocket watch. If you spend the money to get a high-quality one, it can last her for many years, and they’re so simple to get engraved. If you order online, many places will even engrave it for you before you send it out.

I wish you the best, and please don’t hesitate to write back in and let me know what you decided – as well as how she liked it. Take care!

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