How To Listen To Your Girlfriend’s Unspoken Needs

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There are a million things that can go wrong in any relationship. Sometimes it’ll be your fault, sometimes it’ll be your partner’s fault, and sometimes it really won’t be anyone’s fault.

Even if the problem isn’t because of something you did (or didn’t do), wouldn’t it be nice if there were some ways to address it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings?

Luckily, there are a few common relationship problems that can be easily solved with just a little intuition.

Of course, it’s always easier if your partner is able to fully communicate their intentions and desires, but for some women that’s just not an easy possibility.

Here’s a short list of some problems that your partner shouldn’t have to explain.

If she’s on her period – be nice to her!

Let me start this off by saying that I don’t think your period is a good excuse to be mean to others, or to get your way all the time. The women who act this way are indirectly responsible for the assumption that any woman who’s being “difficult” must be on her period – which we all know isn’t true.

However, just because your partner isn’t being “mean” to you or insisting on getting her way, that doesn’t mean that you can’t do nice things for her to help her feel a little better. Of course, if she doesn’t appreciate the things you do for her, it may be a sign that you’re trying too hard – but for the most part, many women will be happy that you took the time to be nice when she wasn’t particularly agreeable.

Some examples:

  • Pick her up some candy or a small gift.
  • Do one of her errands for her.
  • Cook dinner for her.
  • Buy or pick her some flowers.
  • Cuddle with her.
  • Rub her stomach.

Not all of these will be effective for every lady on her period, so it’s important that you realize what your partner likes for the best results. After all, no two women are the same, and buying flowers for someone with serious allergies probably isn’t going to be very “nice”. The easiest way to read between the lines is to think about what you know about her, and put it into action.

If she’s sick – be nice to her!

This pretty much goes hand-in-hand with the period thing. I know, some ladies get very needy when they’re sick (my girlfriend happens to be one of them). But every little nice thing you do for her when she’s sick, she’s likely to remember when she’s not sick – and the best girlfriends will remember those things.

Just like the period thing, not all girlfriends will appreciate these things – but the ones who do are keepers.

Some examples:

  • Make (or buy) her some soup.
  • Bring her some blankets if she needs them.
  • Get medicine for her.
  • Do one (or a few) of her errands for her.
  • Do something cutesy for her, like a hand-made “get well soon” card.
  • Cuddle with her – but probably refrain from making out with her.
  • Kiss her on the forehead.
  • Run her a bath.

Some of these things will definitely go further than others, and probably to different extents when done for different women. If your partner doesn’t like baths, it probably won’t help to run her one, for example. But when you know your partner, you can make choices that she will appreciate, because they came from the heart.

If she’s sad – be nice to her!

This one should be pretty obvious, but sometimes it can be difficult to remember if we don’t understand why our partner is sad. It’s best to be supportive of her, even if it doesn’t make any sense to you. If you know why she is sad, it can be especially important to be sensitive to her needs.

As an example, my ex-girlfriend’s mother passed away while we were still together. It was an incredibly difficult time for everyone, and my ex lashed out – a lot. It was my task as her girlfriend to be nice to her when she wasn’t even being nice to herself. This type of pain isn’t something you can really “make better”, but you can help to soften the blow.

Whether your partner’s pain is big (such as losing her mother) or small (such as losing her keys), you should do your best to show that you’re there for her.

Some examples:

  • Reassure her that you’re there if she needs to talk.
  • Actually be there if she wants to talk.
  • Let her cry without judgment.
  • Convince her to express her emotions – whether to you or in a journal.
  • Don’t beat yourself up if she doesn’t tell you every woe.
  • Never accuse her of being sad because of her period – even if it’s true! Just keep it to yourself!

Of course, you’ll need at least a basic understanding of why she’s sad in order to “help” with it, so your first step should always be to delay your judgments when possible. Many women are insecure about their emotions, which causes them to bottle things up. It’s widely known that this leads to worse problems down the line. But some women may feel that they’re going to be misrepresented if they let it out, so they hold it in instead.

Your girlfriend should know that she doesn’t have to do that with you.

If your girlfriend seems “over sensitive” about things, this process may be difficult. It may seem that you’re always stepping on egg shells, or that you can’t provide any help to your partner. In some cases, this may be due to a mental health condition and should be discussed with a professional.

If she’s angry – be nice to her!

I am definitely not saying that you should back down from every fight. I’m a firm believer in choosing your battles, and if it’s something that’s worth fighting over – hash it out! That’s actually a very necessary part of a healthy relationship: having the ability to work through problems. But if your partner is just mad, and fighting about it isn’t going to change anything for you – why bother?

This mostly pertains to stressors outside the home. For example, your partner is mad because she didn’t get the promotion at work. She comes home in a grumpy mood, and takes it out on you. Do you start a fight because she’s being mean to you, or do you let her vent her frustrations and maybe gently remind her that it’s not your fault?

Some examples:

  • If she’s mad at something else and taking it out on you, consider letting her vent for a while. Provided she’s venting anger and not being abusive, it can be therapeutic to her and you don’t have to actively do anything to help.
  • If she’s mad at you, but you don’t think you actually did anything wrong, try to calmly ask her why she feels you’re in the wrong. Of course, the calm approach makes some women angrier – so you may end up fighting this one out anyway.
  • If she’s mad at you, and you really did something wrong (whether it was something small or something big), allowing her to get everything out may help her be less angry. There aren’t too many reasons to argue when you’ve already lost, after all.

Again, if it’s something that you truly feel deserves to be a big deal, by all means – get angry back! That anger is there for a reason sometimes. However, if you notice that your partner is angry a lot, due to no real fault, it may be a legitimate mental health condition that should be addressed by a professional. Mental health is a very real aspect of our overall happiness that many people still overlook.

Basically, whenever you can, be nice to her!

It seems so simple, because it is. Most of the time, if you have a problem, it can be worked out by just being a nice person. Obviously that won’t hold true for everything, but being nice to your girlfriend should be a priority.

Of course, it’ll take careful notice of the things she likes and doesn’t like – and there’s no fast recipe for “seeing through her” more quickly. However, if you’re giving it a solid effort, it shouldn’t be too hard to tell what makes her happy, and then do it. As long as you’re trying, she should see your efforts and appreciate them.

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