Is It Possible To Really Be Friends With An EX?

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp
Share on email

Everyone in the world has an ex. At least, every queer woman I know has an ex.

Exes are a tricky topic of conversation, always. Some lesbians have exes they hate, some have exes they still love, and some have exes that they have somehow managed to keep around as a friend without any complicated emotional ties, lingering doubts, and regrets from the past.

Let’s talk about those women, the ones who seem to have mastered an impossible form of coexistence with a former flame.

They are exes with the benefit of being friends, so, “exes with frienefits”? Let’s go with that.

“Exes with frienefits” is a completely mind-boggling concept to me.

As soon as my relationships come to a screeching halt, I like to… get my money’s worth, so to speak. I make sure no words, regardless of how immature, go unsaid; I’ll give not one f*ck before hitting the unfollow button (across various platforms of social media), and if you borrowed any of my clothes during our time spent together? I want my sh*t back.

Its simple – friends, over here and the women I’ve loved and had sex with, exclusively, over there.

That’s where I like to draw the line.

BUT if you truly, truly loved someone, and even if its years later, can a friendship be developed?

According to my friend Janet – who has been friends with one ex girlfriend for 15 years – yes you can be very good friends, and in a very healthy relationship.

She says, exes, especially serious ones, who were a big part of your life make for great friends.

They know your family and your long-term goals. They know you for you, and cared for and loved you for everything that you are.

When you have an “ex with frienefits” you kind of have one more person in your corner willing to support you.

They already know the backstory; you don’t have to catch them up to speed on your complex relationship with that one friend or that problematic co-worker. If they’re your “ex with frienefits,” they still care enough to be there for you.

And she says, above all, the most rewarding part of having a “ex with frienefits” has got to be the beauty of having someone who was once so close to you, remain close to you, even though it’s in a different light.

“Exes with frienefits” still seems like an unreal concept to me, but when you look around, it is definitely present in our real-world lives.

I’m not sure I could get there with, well, hell, any of our exes. However, for those lucky people who have mastered this concept, and have made friends with their ex, I tip my hat to you.

It must take a lot of maturity, self-security, and respect for a person you once loved, to take the risk of having them back in your life. If you’re willing to take that leap for an ex, it speaks volumes about who they are as a person.

They must really be too good to let go (for forever, at least).


Latest NEWS

Also see

If only the world was as “open-minded” as us… Alas, matters of sexual identity and equal love, often cause so much friction in the rest of the world. Here, find an open dialogue on the issues facing our LGBT community.

Sign up for our newsletter.

Get the best of what’s queer, right to your inbox.


come here often?

drop us a line

or try to find it on our website