Does She Light Your Fire? How to Answer the Burning Question

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Attraction is a complicated topic. There are literally attractions that appeal to all of your senses – and the combination and ratios will be different with every person you meet. But the way we respond to each of these stimuli tells a lot about how much we value their impact.

There will undoubtedly be one person who stands out in your mind as the embodiment of your desire.

This person may smell like rain on a warm summer night. She may look like Emma Stone and her skin might feel like velvet-covered clouds. The slightest touch of her hand made your legs shake and your heart pound. Yeah, she was perfect in every way – even though no one else saw what you did. Sure, it ended, but you grew from that experience – and you keep up hope that she’ll come back some day.

OK, maybe it’s not exactly like that. But you at least recognize the things that made you fall for her, and you probably seek out similar qualities in your future partner. Is it wrong to use her as a measure of your attraction to future partners?

This might be a particularly complex situation. I know most women wouldn’t like knowing that they were being consciously compared to an ex-girlfriend or an old crush. But in some ways, it’s beneficial for us to think like this – by remembering what we valued most about the one that got away, we can aspire to not take it for granted the next time around.

The One will make you question your relationships with others.

This person will have you doubting every other time you thought you were in love. This is different,  your heart will say. This isn’t like the other times. This must be real.

Run with this thought! There’s a reason your mind is singling it out, and most likely, that’s because she ignites a passion within you that had yet to be awoken by any of your previous loves. The notion that those past loves weren’t real will subside – but this love will forever be different.

You are meant to love many people in your life, but only those who are meant to stand the test of time will succeed. The One will solve every problem left behind by the women from your past, and she will do it with a smile.

The One will teach you about yourself.

We’d like to think we’ve got it all figured out by the time we meet The One – but the truth is, the right person for you will help you understand things that you didn’t know were a problem. They’ll help you see the truth behind the lies you tell yourself, and they’ll help you discover your dreams.

They’ll help you work through the anguish of your failed past, whether directly or indirectly. They will heal the wounds left behind by the rest, and they will help you get the pieces back in the right spot. Generally, you should be over your ex before you pursue a new partner – but that’s not to say it always happens that way.

You are meant to know yourself deeper than anyone else does, but The One will help guide you to what else there is to know.

The One will make you a believer in true love again.

When you compare your love with your past loves, you’ll see the differences and be able to acknowledge why this one is so much better than the rest. She probably won’t be your first love, but she may be your deepest love since your first love.

It’s not going to be a fairy tale love, so other people probably won’t understand right away – but they’ll be able to see something different, too. They might not be able to put their finger on it but they’ll notice you’ve changed – in a good way. Where your past loves called you away from your friends while you were so infatuated with each other, The One won’t just want to meet your friends – you’ll want to show her off to them, too.

You’ll trust her more than the women from your past, and you’ll want to talk things out with her instead of walking away. You’ll feel butterflies long after the initial attraction has worn off, and she’ll bring you to your knees with her kisses – even with morning breath and messy hair. She won’t be perfect, but she’ll be close enough. You love the things she calls her flaws, and she loves yours as well.

The One will drive you crazy.

She’s going to irritate you, and make you mad, and turn you on, and bring out your inner child. The One will embody every emotion imaginable, but you’ll love the whole ride. You know that when you’re done being sad or mad or grossed out, she’s still going to be right there with you.

When she does something that upsets you, you’ll want to try even harder to work things out. With your other loves, you may have wanted to walk away, but that thought won’t cross your mind with her. (Well, maybe briefly – but nothing sticks.) When she makes you sad, you’ll remember how she made you happy, and you’ll want to get back to that.

And when she won’t stop playing with your ears so you can get to sleep, you’ll love her even more – even if you’d really just like to go sleep on the couch. Because sleeping on the couch means you can’t cuddle, and you wouldn’t want to wake up without seeing her face right away. Yes, she’ll drive you crazy, but she’ll do it in the best possible way.

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