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Relationship Dilemmas: PDA – Cute or Trashy?

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Some people view public displays of affection as adorable, while others see them as unnecessary and TMI. What gives?

When it comes to public displays of affection, there are people on both sides of the coin. Some people can’t get enough PDA, and may even be turned on by the idea of watching couples be intimate in public (or being seen being intimate in public themselves).

Others may feel that it’s cute within a certain group – such as older people kissing in public, instant adorable! There are indeed some people who think it’s completely disgusting, too, or those who feel that being affectionate in public is too much to divulge to strangers.

Where do you fall on this list?

I’m a huge believer of “everything in moderation”, myself. Of course when I first came out, I was very hesitant to be openly homosexual in public – and I considered PDA to be one of the ultimate taboos.

As I grew I learned to appreciate it in its right place, although admittedly I still get rather embarrassed when my lady gropes me or tries for a kiss longer than a peck – and yet, at the same time, I’m incredibly turned on by the idea that I may get caught during a sexual encounter.

This is a juxtaposition that doesn’t really make sense, and I’ll admit that. But how do you know what’s “okay” affection and what’s not?


DO – Hold your partner’s hand in public.

Obviously, if you’re not out of the closet, this one doesn’t really pertain to you. Honestly, none of these are going to pertain to you. It’s not that there’s something wrong with you, or with your partner, but being seen in an obvious relationship for someone who is taking advantage of their invisibility…

Well, it could be a risk, always.

If you’re not in the closet, though, you shouldn’t have anything to hide when you’re out with your partner, or even a new romantic interest. Grab her hand and show everyone she’s yours!


DON’T – Hold your partner’s breast in public.

Seriously, guys. There are limits to what’s acceptable in public, and sometimes that’s a grey area. However, if your hands are anywhere inside your partner’s clothes, or the other way around – chances are, you’re going to come across as trashy. There could be children out, or people who are uncomfortable with PDA in the first place.

Of course, KitschMix writers hope they’re not uncomfortable solely based on the gender(s) of those in the couple, but it does happen – when in public space, you should do your best to be respectful.


DO – Give her a peck on the lips to say “goodbye”.

For the longest time, and even now in some cases, I refused to acknowledge my partners in public, aside from certain situations that I had deemed to be “lesbian friendly”. Often times, these ideas were completely in my head, such as around a long-time boss that I’m pretty sure knew that my “roommate” and my “fiancee” were one and the same – and they had met her.

As such, I’m probably not the right person to give insight on this issue – but now that I am fully confident with my sexuality, I find myself sad if I don’t get to kiss her goodbye. Luckily, she has little to no shame – she’ll kiss me pretty much any time I ask. It’s helpful to be with someone who pushes me toward my own self-confidence.

A simple peck on the lips is a loving gesture that shows your partner that you’re not embarrassed to be seen with her, and is usually simple enough to keep most people from getting uncomfortable.


DON’T – Make out with her in front of all your friends.

Seriously, ladies – those who participate in this type of showmanship are often viewed as trashy by their peers and other members of society.

It might be unfair, and certainly it can be hard to resist the urge sometimes, but the fact of the matter is, we in the gay community have to hold ourselves to higher standards than those that the “straight people” hold themselves to. It’s not fair, but until we truly reach full equality, we have to live up to society’s expectations for us if we want to live peacefully.

As a side note, making out with her in public can make you appear “easy” – even if you’ve been together for years upon years.

Strangers won’t know that, and seeing her tongue down your throat isn’t going to gain you any respect – if anything, it will simply draw attention to your private life, and open it up for public review. Most people don’t want this to happen to them.


DO – Show her you love being around her.

Put your arm around her at the movies! You can even watch a movie together and kiss through the whole movie. Channel your inner teenager and show her off – you’re proud of her, after all, and you want her to know that she’s special to you.


DON’T – Show her you’re in the mood, in public.

I’m not talking about the subtle looks of attraction you shoot to each other from across the table; those are definitely a sexy little secret just for the two of you. But if you’re practically getting it on in front of your family and friends, there may be a problem! Understandably, at certain points in the relationship you may feel that tingle every minute of the day – but do your best to control yourself when you’re in mixed company. Most people have no desire to be caught up in the sex lives of their loved ones.

This little guide is meant to be taken with a grain of salt – obviously, you shouldn’t let other people dictate what you and another consenting adult can do – but for the most part, these little tips can help you show your partner that you like being physical with her, without coming across to others as sleazy. Their opinion of you shouldn’t completely dictate your actions, but if we don’t respect the feelings of others, they can’t be expected to respect you in return.

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If only the world was as “open-minded” as us… Alas, matters of sexual identity and equal love, often cause so much friction in the rest of the world. Here, find an open dialogue on the issues facing our LGBT community.

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