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The Rules Of Dating After College

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Congratulations, soon-to-be college graduate! The world is your oyster. You’ve set up your life for the possibility of success, and you’ve paved a path that will lead to ultimate riches.

Or at least, that’s what they tell you.

I think when you’re in school, you’ve always got this idea that “the real world” is going to be so much better than your days as a student. Speaking as an adult with a few years of experience under my belt now… It’s not really that much better. It’s just something different.

But, this is necessary. Everything has its proper time, and your college days have to end, just like anything else. Where you used to get paid in “experience” and “credit hours”, now you’re going to get paid in actual money and benefits and treat yo’self moments. (Hey – those are pretty necessary too.)

More than just that, your dating life is going to change, too. Aside from having grown-up responsibilities now (which some of you might not have had before), you’ve got a little more freedom. You get to build up your reputation in whatever field you’re pursuing, and your previous reputation with women (and/or men) will have basically disappeared.

How have the rules changed since you graduated?


One date doesn’t make you a couple.

While you’re in school, you typically associate the first date with the start of a relationship. Everything is so serious when you’re still in school – and a relationship is often the logical step.

Most grown-ups (read: adults who are done with school) don’t work like that, though. The first few dates are used to judge whether a relationship would be a good idea or not, and things don’t usually become official until a bit later. This is good – keeping your expectations low actually helps improve the chances of the relationship working out.

It might take a while to adjust to this idea, but if the girl you’ve went out with a couple times is spotted with someone else, it doesn’t always mean she’s not into you. Unless you’ve specifically discussed being monogamous, you shouldn’t assume that you are.

If it bothers you to see her with someone else, there isn’t really a rule about when to have the conversation – bring it up when it comes up in your mind. Just don’t expect her to give up her freedom if you’re not ready to give up yours.


Marriage is actually a possibility.

I don’t know about you, but I actually made a few plans to get married while I was in school. Of course, the plan was to wait until we both graduated to go through with it – and once graduation came around, the relationship had already fizzled out.

While personal opinions on this subject are bound to vary from person to person, the person you want to marry in your teenage years is very rarely the same person you want to marry in your 20s. The person you want in your 20s might even be different than the person you want in your 30s, and that’s okay.

The part of your brain that controls your impulsive decisions isn’t fully developed until you’re in your 20s. Even the most well-intentioned and practical-thinking 18-year-olds are bound to make some rash decisions at this point in their life, but that’s okay. They’re supposed to. Remember that whole everything-has-its-place idea from earlier?

Well, back to the subject of marriage, this means that you’re more likely to come to a conclusion about the sort of person you want to marry when you’re in your mid-to-late twenties than when you were a teenager. Your impulses (and hormones) are a little more under control now, and if you’re still with your high school sweetheart, there’s a good chance you picked a good one.

(But, if you’re reading about how dating will change after graduation, I can only assume you’re not still with her. So, let’s continue.)


You probably have your own place (or you’re working towards it).

While it’s completely understandable to live with your family members or roommates while you’re still in school, chances are, you’re sick of living with them by now, and you’re ready for your own place. If you’re dating other post-college women, they’ll probably have their own place, too.

One of the important things to remember here is that your living situation should never be a crutch to stay in a relationship. If you can’t afford your own place, and that’s the only reason you’re staying with someone, the relationship has already fizzled out – you’ve got a roommate with benefits.

Unfortunately, not everyone is set up with the perfect pad right out of school, which means that – while you won’t have little brother or dorky roommate messing up your game – your place probably isn’t scoring you any points, either. Try to resist the urge to always go back to her place, though. Even if your place is a low-budget roach motel room (or you still haven’t got a place yet), refusing to bring her home can send the wrong idea.

If your new love interest is at a similar point in her life, she will probably understand your position, as long as you’re working toward better accommodations. Give her the decency of your honesty, or don’t bother.


Dating is a little more distant.

When you’re in school, you often see your partner a lot. Most likely you met in class, or at your after-school job. The grown-up world isn’t like that. At most professions, dating your coworkers is discouraged, and if you do work together, it’ll usually be in different departments.

That’s not a bad thing either, though. You learn to trust a little more as you grow up, and you learn to enjoy the art of missing each other. Your time spent together is more special, even if you aren’t doing anything special – and you don’t really fill your time with small talk anymore.

This lets you feel a little more comfortable when you’re dating, because there’s less focus on being perfect and more focus on being yourself. I know, that’s what they told you about college, too, but I’m sure you figured out that isn’t always the case.

After college, you stop worrying about pleasing others, which means you have an easier time letting people go when they’re not doing you any favors.


Sex is a little less important.

Don’t get me wrong – sex is still wonderful. But once you reach a certain age (for me, it was 24), sex isn’t as big of a deal as it used to be. Hopefully you and the women you date are on the same page – sexual compatibility doesn’t always mean getting it on all the time.

It’s ironic – right when we’ve got more freedom to have as much sex as we friggin’ want, we don’t want it as much. That’s OK, though, because you’re going to be way too busy learning how to adult.

(P.S. – you never really learn. You just get better at faking it.)


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