One of the most overlooked aspects of any successful relationship is sexual compatibility. Often, this compatibility is a subconscious thing; we don’t know why we enjoy sex with our partner, we just do.
However, every now and then, one partner will have a significantly higher sex drive than the other.
This isn’t necessarily of particular concern, and it can be easily worked around, if both partners are willing to negotiate.
However, what happens when one partner pushes the issue to the point where the other partner isn’t receiving any enjoyment out of this intimacy?
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Believe it or not, there is such a thing as a sexually abusive relationship, even if the parties involved are deeply in love. Often we think that a commitment to this person means that we’re obligated to service their sexual “needs” when they arise – but this isn’t true, in the slightest.
From a technical standpoint, sexual abuse defines any sexual act that is not consensual. This can be difficult to define when you and your partner are committed. They may argue that you have an obligation. They may threaten to leave or to find “supplemental” sexual activities outside of your relationship. This isn’t fair to you, as you can’t really help if you’re not in the mood, and you shouldn’t be punished for this.
If your partner forces sexual activities on you – even if you love them – this is sexual abuse.
Now, this isn’t exactly the same as guilting you into performing sexual favors, although this can take its own toll on you emotionally. Rather, we are talking about proceeding further, despite you vocalizing your lack of consent for this activity (no matter what your reason might be).
If you’re reading this and you think to yourself, But we’re in love, and therefore I should be willing to give it up, whether I’m in the mood or not – this article probably isn’t going to sit well with you. Because, I’ve got news for you – If your partner truly cared about you, they wouldn’t want sexual activity with you if you didn’t want it.
What can you do, though?
Well, this is the tough part – nothing is going to change if you don’t speak up. It’s possible that your partner is just a bit less mature than you, and they aren’t aware that their sexual demands aren’t okay with you. It’s important that you tell them. If you’re genuinely worried about how they will respond to the concerns you have, there may be deeper issues in play – and this may be a sign that you need to get out of this relationship.
Whether your concern is that your partner wants it more often than you do (which is common), or that they demand activities you aren’t comfortable with (such as penetration if you have expressed an unwillingness to do so, or anal play when you have made it clear that you don’t want it, even demands for a threesome if you have made it clear that you have no desire to share), or any type of unwanted sexual attention – it’s important that both partners are consenting. Just because you have said yes in the past does not mean that you have to say yes, ever. Only you can determine consent.
