Tag Archives: Abuse

Amber Heard’s Friend Pens Powerful Essay About The Devastating Impact Her Situation Has On Abused Women Everywhere


Artist and activist iO Tillett Wright has just penned a thought provoking piece for Refinery29, about how she had to call the police for a friend who fell victim to domestic abuse.


Though the piece contains no names, it is widely believed to be about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.

In the piece, Wright includes several references to the media storm regarding their on-going divorce, and Heard’s domestic abuse allegations against her husband.

Wright — a friend to the Depp family and the person cited in court documents as the one who contacted authorities about Depp’s alleged behaviour — wrote that she called for help because her friend “never would.”


Wright says she “witnessed first hand the absolutely baffling mental pretzel that an abused person puts themselves into.”

I called 911 because she [Amber] never would. Because every time it happened, her first thought was about protecting him. Because every time it happened, the sweet, loving man we all cared for so much would come back with apologies, profuse, swearing up and down that he understood how bad what he had done was, and swearing never to do it again. We all loved him, but especially, especially her, and she wanted to believe that the behavior wasn’t going to last.

I understood her heartbreak. He had been my friend, too, a person I loved very much. A person I had once referred to as a brother … I knew him to be soft and gentle, with a temper and a dark side, but a golden heart. I didn’t want to believe it either, until I saw the wreckage.”


Wright also hit out at critics claiming Amber is lying

The cycle of abuse is perpetuated by every person who asserts that the victim more likely punched themselves rather than addressing the very real evidence of violence in front of them. The culture of victim-blaming is the very thing that protects abusers’ ability to get away with this kind of behavior.

Right now, every battered woman in the world is watching this media circus, internalizing the message that when they come forward for help, when they break the cycle, they will be called a gold digger, a cheater, and be accused of having faked it all for attention.

I’m looking at every journalist, every editor, every person who puts a comment on an article pointing an uneducated finger. You are the lynch mob. You are a deafening chorus. Your searching for an explanation for why he would have hit her sends the clear message that there CAN be a reason why someone hits their spouse.”

Wright’s comments echo many who have cited the backlash against Heard, as the reason women are afraid to come forward about abuse.

It doesn’t matter what was said between the two lovers, it doesn’t matter if the romance was coming to an end, because nothing warrants that response. No person, ever, should suffer violence at the hands of the person they love.

That’s why, when it happened again, when I was on the phone with both of them and heard it drop, heard him say, ‘What if I pulled your hair back?’ and her scream for my help, I wondered like so many times before if I should break the code of silence that surrounds celebrities and invite the police into the situation, and in a split second decided that, yes, I was going to.

Because I realized that as long as I was protecting the abuser from consequences, I was enabling the abuse and I could no longer partake. I had to stand up for my friend, and for what I believe in my gut to be the code of conduct by which human beings have to behave with each other.

Whether we loved him or not has nothing to do with it. When it comes to violence, ‘love’ is no longer part of the equation.”

Depp’s legal team have maintained the allegations of domestic abuse are completely false, despite numerous pictures of Amber’s bruised face being made public and after she was grated a temporary domestic abuse restraining order against him.

How I Lost My First Love To Crystal Meth

Don’t fall victim to the “only one time” myth – crystal meth can take away things you never thought you could lose.

When I was younger, I was into some pretty shady stuff. My biggest influences at the time were, quite frankly, not that good. (However, I don’t place the blame on them – I believe in taking full responsibility for my actions.)

There was this girl I had fallen for when I was 16, but circumstances kept us apart. Either she was with someone or I was with someone, and I never wanted to be the reason for a relationship ending that way. I waited patiently, in the background, until I was 19. Suddenly, she and I were both single – so we decided to give it a shot.

At first, everything was ok, but we ended up moving – separately, to different places. Neither of us had the financial freedom to get a place together, so we were forced to live with family members. We ended up in the same state (that was different than the state we started in), but it was still hard to see each other, as neither one of us drove.

It wasn’t so bad, though – we got to see each other every now and then, when someone was heading that direction, or when I could afford to send her a ticket. One night when she was visiting, I even asked her to marry me. We had only been together a few months, but I had waited so long – I felt like I knew her, inside and out. I knew she had some issues with mental health, as did I, and we had our vices that probably should have been dealt with – but we were happy together.

One day when we were texting, she told me that her stepmom had brought home some meth. I knew she had smoked meth before, but as far as I knew it was in her past. I asked her to promise me she wouldn’t go back to it, and she did.

Except she didn’t keep her promise.

I was beyond hurt – it was literally the first promise I had ever asked her to make me, and she broke it, seemingly without hesitation. We didn’t talk for awhile, but eventually she started messaging me again, telling me she messed up and that it wouldn’t happen again.

It wasn’t too long before things worked out that she could actually come up and live with me, so of course she did. We had been together for a total of about 6 months at this time. I was still hurt from her lying to me about the drugs, and in a moment of stupidity I asked her to bring some up with her.

“I want to try it,” I foolishly said. “I want to see why it was worth breaking my heart over.”

It was only supposed to be the one time – but that “one time” lasted almost a year. I can honestly say that I never sunk to the lows of stealing in order to get it, but I did stop paying any of my bills for several months. She did steal from family – somewhere in the vicinity of $350 once, directly from her stepmom’s bank account. I knew about it and did nothing to stop it. It went against my principles, but, I was in love with her.

Somehow, the drugs took us from “broken but happy” to “completely torn apart”. We would get in nasty public fights that almost resulted in security being called on us (a few times). We would go for walks to “clear our mind” and she would pass out in the road. We would threaten to kill ourselves over not having more of it – and that’s when I realized.

It wasn’t that the drug was worth lying to me over. It was that the drug filled a place I would never be able to fill.

Thankfully, I got out of the drug habit before things got too bad. I was under the impression that she had gotten clean with me – completely casting aside that it works its way into your mind and makes you lie to the people closest to you.

I wasn’t using anymore, but still we had nasty public fights. The neighbors threatened to call the police a time or two. She smashed holes in the walls, and a few times she even broke her hand punching something out of anger. She would break things, smash things, and threaten to kill me.

But I was in love with her.

The entire time, I was still thinking that she had gotten clean when I did. At least, I told myself I thought that; I think internally I always knew she hadn’t. This drug had turned her from the woman of my dreams into a complete stranger – a stranger who wanted to kill me. I refused to believe what was obviously going on in front of me. It was far too painful to admit.

I let this go on for four years. I was too wrapped up in my idea of how she was my first love – I wouldn’t allow myself to see that’s not who she was anymore. The final straw was when she came back into our room after a big fight, mad because I was asleep on the floor. She went on a tangent about how you only sleep on the floor in your own bedroom if you’re trying to start a fight – so she was going to fight me.

Now, you probably don’t know this about me, but I’m a very peaceful person. The only time I find violence to be necessary is if you’re defending yourself from other violence. I am utterly ashamed that I didn’t take the threats seriously before they got to the point of physical violence, but here she was, trying to kill me. She literally had her hands around my throat, telling me how I made her do it.

I’ve blacked out a lot of the details of the big fight, as it’s a painful memory for me, even years later. But I do remember a few important details.

I tried to call my best friend, to see if I had an alternate place to stay, but I couldn’t – because my ex grabbed my phone and threw it, thinking I was calling the police on her. I tried to get out of the bedroom – and she pushed me through the wall by the door. I tried to call on my roommates to help me – and she told them that it was none of their business, and that they should get out of “her” house if they didn’t like it.

When I finally got away and made it to the neighbor’s house, she went so far as to tear their security door apart. You know the type; painted metal that’s easier to see out from than into. She tore the door apart, and “didn’t understand” why my best friend wouldn’t let her “just talk” to me.

I probably would have died that night if it hadn’t been for my best friend.

I’m really not telling you this for anyone to feel sorry for me – it’s just a piece of my story, building into my overall self. The over-leaning message I want our readers to get out of this is meth is not a joke. Even if you are able to get clean, if the people around you don’t, it can still ruin your life.

These days I don’t associate with anyone involved in that lifestyle. I have lost some friends over it, definitely, but I would rather lose some friends than lose my life – and so should you.
Of course, everyone’s reaction is different, so if you’re sitting here thinking “But I would never do that!” you may be right. But that doesn’t mean that the person you choose to use with – be it a friend, a partner, or some random stranger – does things the same way. Hard drugs have a funny way of changing people, and there’s really no way to predict whether it will happen to you or someone you love.

I beg you, if you are currently using – stop. I know it will be hard, and you’re bound to slip up a few times in the process. (I tried to get clean probably once a month, and it didn’t “take” until I finally ran out of money – I valued my principles enough to not resort to unsavory methods, but if it had gone on longer, I may well have.)

If you are dating someone who is currently using – this may not be what you want to hear – you need to prioritize your own safety over your relationship. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person, things can change at any time.

Sometimes the best course of action is to urge your partner to seek counseling for their addiction. This can be a tricky subject, though, as often in the midst of a drug binge, the addict won’t want to get clean. Sobriety is something that you have to truly want, or it’s never going to work.

In my situation, my partner didn’t want to get clean – in fact, she wanted to keep using so badly, that she was willing to destroy my trust, destroy my home, and even destroy my life, with the intention of ending it – all to keep her drug habit. In these cases, you really only have one option: You need to walk away.

It can be difficult to walk away from someone you care about, but it’s important that you realize, in the grip of a drug addiction, the user becomes the addiction. In a way, you’re holding onto a relationship with the drug itself if you allow it to continue.

For those who haven’t gotten to that point, but you find out your partner is using – it may be best to walk away. Don’t fall into the trap of “Let me try it this one time” – it will change your life forever if you do.

Two Women Arrested After Allegedly Attacking Lesbian Couple at US Theme Park

According to police reports, two women have been arrested after allegedly attacking and injuring a lesbian couple they observed kissing, at Six Flags New England.

Damarielys Mukhtar, 29, of Springfield and Nikia L. Butt, 27, of Holyoke were arraigned in Westfield District Court last week on charges of assault and battery, and a civil rights violation with injury.


Mukhtar faces an additional charge of assault with a dangerous weapon, court documents show.

Local papers report that the couple, aged 18 and 19, were kissing and hugging outside the theme park when they noticed Mukhtar staring in their direction.

One of the girls asked Mukhtar if she had a problem. She told them that she didn’t and was simply waiting on her child. Mukhtar went on to say:

I wouldn’t care about your gay asses anyway.“

When the couple proceeded to walk away, Mukhtar began hurling homophobic insults at them.

When the girls challenged Mukhtar, she began punching them in the face. One of the girls was kicked to the ground. It was at this point that Butt began assaulting the couple.

The couple alleges that Mukhtar took the three-inch knife from her pocket and brandished it at them.

The assault ended when a crowd began to gather. Butt and Mukhtar attempted to flee the scene but were later apprehended at a car park where they were identified by the victims.

The two victims are students at Bryant University in Smithfield, Rhode Island and are thought to have suffered only minor injuries.

Sue Perkins Quits Twitter After Death Threats Over Top Gear Rumours

Out TV presenter Sue Perkins has said she is taking a break from Twitter after she received threats over rumours that she would take over as host of Top Gear.

Tweeting this morning, Perkins said: “Guys, post the utterly fabricated story about me & Top Gear, my timeline has been full of blokes wishing me dead…” “This morning, someone suggested they’d like to see me burn to death,” she said in a separate message. She went on: “All of which goes to say that I am off Twitter for a bit. Love and peace x.”

Also read: Sue Perkins Responds to the Dinosaurs on Twitter Who Think a Gay Woman Shouldn’t Replace Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear

A number of fans tweeted their support for star including her girlfriend Anna Richardson also hit out at trolls, and asked people to tweet their support for Sue with a selfie:

LGF Launch a Guide for Lesbian & Bi-Women Who Have Been Affected by Sexual Violence.

The Lesbian and Gay Foundation’s new guide for lesbian and bisexual women who have been affected by sexual violence, is the first of its kind to be launched in the UK, as it focuses solely on lesbian and bisexual women.

The guide was launched to mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, and aims to provide survivors of rape or sexual violence with information, support and help. To download the guide, click here.

Funded by the Office of the Police and Crime Commissioner for Greater Manchester, the guide will be the first of a series of three information booklets. There will also be a version of the guide aimed at gay and bisexual men, and one for trans people will be released in December.