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Should You Do A Sex Detox?

Sometimes, you have to limit your body in order to free your mind.

That’s the rationale behind a new wave of young women who are embracing the sex detox as a way to increase their mental and physical health.

What’s a sex detox?

Well, imagine a life without sex. Now go live that life.

Some women choose not to have sex at all – no masturbating, no porn, no erotica. Some women choose not to have any sort of sexual contact, like kissing, while some women are okay with everything except having sex with another person (so vibrators are fine).

The length of time varies based on each woman and on how often she has sex. For a woman who has a different girl in her bed every night, going a week without sex might be enough time to clear her head. For a woman who has sex once a month, maybe six months of celibacy is a good goal.

What are the benefits of a sex detox?

You get to know yourself sexually. If you decide that masturbation is still okay, then you have all of the time in the world to explore your body. Get rid of all of your preconceptions about what your partners assumed you like. What do you actually like? What do you find hot? Touch yourself in new ways. Use new toys. Read new types of erotica and learn about different types of BDSM. Nothing is off-limits, and there’s no one to be embarrassed in front of.

You get to know yourself physically. If any type of sexual activity is off-limits, then you suddenly have a lot of time to appreciate your body in other ways. Get a massage. Go to the gym. Just stand in front of the mirror for ten minutes and look at yourself – really look at yourself – and find the beauty in every freckle.

You can work on your sexual health. Get tested. I know, it’s not sexy, but seriously – get tested for everything. And learn about safe sex. All about safe sex. Seriously, learn as much as you can.

You can undo bad habits. When some people get upset, they overeat. When other people get upset, they have sex. If you’re using sex to fill a void, feel loved or numb your feelings, then a sex detox will help you learn better behaviors.

Think a sex detox is for you? Get started here.

What Your Zodiac Sign Says About Your Sex Life

Astrology is a fun thing to think about for many people, and for every person who thinks it’s utter garbage there’s bound to be someone who uses their astrological signs to make many important life choices. Personally, I think it has as much power over you as you allow it – just like any other “alternative” sciences.

So, what does this mean for you? Your choice to believe in astrology or not is purely a personal decision. If you find correlations that help you, that’s great! Everyone needs something to believe in, and if astrology is your thing, the following “sex horoscopes” may help guide you on your path to sexual fulfillment for this month.

Aries (March 20 – April 20)

Aries, if you’re single, you should expect a great deal of new encounters this month – some may even call them adventures on their own! On the 9th, Mercury goes direct, which promises that your love and sex will be truly exciting. Later in the month, Mars joins with Venus to entice the prospect of new dates and sexy fun. If it seems like your romantic interest isn’t feeling the same way about you, rest assured that they’re probably just shy. Make the first move and you will be rewarded.

For the Rams in a serious relationship, the full moon brings a blossoming of your love, so you should plan for new romantic encounters with your love. This will lead to the passionate sex you’ve been dying for, and makes for a perfect excuse to look for that sexy Halloween costume you’ve had your eye on. Not big into Halloween? That’s fine, just take advantage of the current influx of costumes to pick out an outfit that’s only for your partner to see.

Taurus (April 20 – May 21)

In the second half of the month, the shroud that’s been covering your sensuality should be lifted, and you have plenty of time to approach that new boo you’ve been eyeing. Make that date – you’ve got a great deal of luck coming to you this month. Make sure you don’t use this as an excuse to over-spend on your dates, though; this isn’t the way to win their affections.
Committed Bulls, the cooler weather will no doubt bring back the spark that you’ve been repressing lately. It’s a great time to get frisky with your lover – maybe even get the Halloween treats and costumes into the mix for some special holiday fun.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Gemini, this month brings you personal satisfaction and a great deal of pleasure. Your intelligence and charm will help you win over that woman you’ve been pursuing. Your judgment will be clear and your sex drive will roar because of it. You’ll be able to accurately discern who is interested in you sexually, and use this to your full advantage this month. However, towards the end of the month, this will begin to taper off, and you’ll be more inclined to connect with your family than to seek out a new flame – don’t resist this urge!

If you’re in a committed relationship, your dual spirit will lead you to a deeper personal connection with your partner. Take some time to get to know her better – even if you’ve been together years, there’s no doubt a lot more to learn about her. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this is a good time to seek out new friends, as the wavering in your sex drive will ensure that your attention can be focused on being a good friend and partner, rather than focusing on your sexual needs.

Cancer (June 21 – July 23)

For most of the month, you should be focusing on taking care of your body. This can be particularly difficult with the abundance of candy that’s present everywhere right now, but you must be diligent. Take some time to work on your emotional bonds, and it will translate to a better sexual experience around the 22nd. Don’t plan for any dates on the 27th, as the full moon may interfere with your plans and lead to heartbreak.

Love and sex are both a bit of an investment this month for all Crabs. Exercising with your love interest or partner could prove beneficial, as it will help to regulate your emotions and clear your mind. You will be rewarded for your focus and dedication with the glorious conjunction of Venus, Mars, and Jupiter towards the end of the month.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Your animal magnetism will shine bright this month, Leo, and you will be showered with affection. Consider making those changes you’ve been thinking about in regards to your wardrobe and your hair style – these will dazzle your new date. You could try a Halloween shopping date and choose a fun costume for yourself and your new partner – then tempt them to bring it to the bedroom for some extra sexy fun.

For the Lions in a committed relationship, you should put your effort into your relationship right now. Take some time off work, if at all possible, and spend that time with your partner. Get a fun new costume or outfit and parade yourself to your partner – she’s sure to love it. With Halloween so close, the full moon on the 27th promises to be a fun time for a private rendezvous in costume – what do you have to lose?

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Virgo (August 23 – September 23)

During the beginning of the month, you probably encountered some stress and hectic emotions. Rest assured that this is over for now and you can begin to relax. The alignment of Mars and Venus assure that your sexual appetite will boom – you should seek out a new partner and plan a great date. It’ll definitely net you the results you’re looking for.

If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s a good time to rent a sexy movie or read an erotic novel with your love. This activity will bring you closer as a couple and allow you to bring back the spice.

Consider planning an unforgettable evening, including a candlelight dinner, around the 27th – your partner will thank you accordingly!

Libra (September 23 – October 23)

Libra, this month has some few surprises up its sleeve for you, especially as it pertains to sex and love. You should expect some good news sometime soon – but don’t forget to set aside some attention to the important matters like your bills. The alignment of the planets right now will lead you to focus on your lustful thoughts, but you must not neglect the other aspects of your life.

For my committed Libra friends, this means that you should plan on a more romantic tone with your lover, and allow things to progress naturally. Don’t try to push the sex as you can get wrapped up in the moment and cause an argument. In fact, that argument may be inevitable – and it has the potential to translate to a bigger problem down the line. Don’t neglect your partner’s needs, or your financial responsibilities during this time or you can seriously regret it in the near future.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

Scorpio, this month is going to be thrilling for you. There will be plenty of opportunities for new sexual escapades, so you shouldn’t ignore these chances. You will have a great deal of charisma working for you this month, and the sexual power will flow through you better than ever.

Committed Scorpio lovers, your partner will surprise you with an increase in passion. Don’t let your jealousy ruin this extra love right now. Your partner deserves the same love they are giving to you. Especially toward the end of the month, your temper may be short, and you will have to control yourself to ensure you don’t make any silly mistakes.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 22)

This month is a great time to sweep your lover off her feet with a romantic getaway. It doesn’t matter if you’re whisking her off to a tropical beach or simply visiting the local farm for some apple picking and pumpkin carving. Go shopping for some new clothes and buy those tickets!

For single Sagittarius ladies, this month invites you to take a new date to somewhere you’ve never been. You should try to travel as much as possible, and try new things. Splurge on something you’ve been eyeing for awhile, and take that new date to the restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Consider taking her on a road trip – the alignment of the planets this month almost guarantees that your rendezvous will result in a satisfying sexual experience before the end of the month.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Single Capricorns should avoid dating any new partners at the beginning of the month, as Saturn has an uneasy alliance with Uranus for a good portion of the month. This can cause some problems in a new relationship, and it’s likely to factor into your love and sex life for the month. It should clear up around the 22nd.

If you’re already in an established relationship, however, you can use this time to deepen your bond with your partner. Watch an old movie or read a book together, and ensure that you are there for each other during this time. Make sure you are guarding against depression as emotions are likely to fluctuate throughout the month.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The month of October is a great time for Aquarius to meet new people, as there will be plenty of parties (which you love!) and dating will be an adventure. The last week would be a great time to invite that special new person in your life to a fun party – whether it’s planned by a friend or by you yourself.
For my lovers, use this time to get into the Halloween spirit with your loved one. Pick out fun and sexy costumes for each other, unpack the decorations, and get to planning the perfect witchy bash for the spookiest night of the year. This social energy will translate to a charge in your sexual chemistry, and your sex life is bound to see a spike this month.

Pisces (February 18 – March 20)

Love and sex are on the up-and-up for you this month. Your anxieties will begin to fade away, which will allow you to connect with someone special towards the end of the month. If your anxiety hasn’t melted away completely yet, don’t worry – push yourself past it and the right person will come find you.
Fish in a committed relationship should take care that they are not overspending this month, as there are plenty of romantic activities you can do with your partner for much cheaper that will still allow you to harness the sexual energy building this month. Go for a walk and hold hands, roll around in some fallen leaves together, or share a bucket of popcorn at the movies – and then enjoy the sexual spark when you return home.

7 Qualities Of A Love That Is Timeless

Have you ever sat down and spoke with someone whose romantic life completely inspired you? I’m talking those stories that shake you to your core, the kind of love that you’ve been dreaming of since you were a kid. These are the types of love that are so special, when one partner passes away, the other can’t even imagine the idea of being with someone else. What could make one person so special that they truly became irreplaceable?

And, better yet, why would anyone want any other kind of love?

We’ve done a bit of digging, and we found out that these are the 7 things that make a love truly timeless – and little ways you can start to incorporate the power of timeless love in your own relationships. By following these rules in all your relationships, you can assure that you will one day find that lasting love.

1) Timeless love is priceless.

There’s no monetary value assigned to true love. Small gestures of love and affection mean so much more than a million gifts, and they help to create memories that will last a lifetime. This deep, immaterial love doesn’t care how much money you have in your bank account, your wallet, or the cup holders in your car.

Simply put, if you need a price tag to quantify your love, your relationship is not meant to last. Financial situations can change at any time, but true love is here to stay. Value experiences over gifts and your love will be strengthened against the tests of time.

2) Timeless love is sincere.

Timeless love stories don’t usually start with love at first sight – but they do involve trust and affection from the start. The way you act around your partner tells much more than your words, and in a timeless love, your words and behaviors reflect truth. Dishonesty will destroy a relationship faster than almost anything else, so relationships that rely on mistruths will never survive.

The way you treat your partner – even when she’s not around – reflects not only your relationship, but also the way you feel about her. She deserves love, respect, and trustworthiness from the very beginning – if you wait until tomorrow to start, it may already be too late.

3) Timeless love is protected.

Most partners don’t go out of their way to hurt their other half, but timeless lovers selflessly go out of their way to be at their lover’s side. They are assured, shielded, and appreciated because they assure, shield, and appreciate their partner. Their bond is strong because they fortify it every way they can.

To create protections in your love, you need only to see your partner as your partner in a journey toward self-improvement, happiness, and your ultimate goals. You need to support each other and see each other as teammates – never rivals.

4) Timeless love is intense.

The strongest loves are those which are full of passion, emotion, and energy. There’s no time for mediocrity, because these relationships require two people enthusiastically persisting toward mutual goals and a shared vision. They’re not afraid of the storms, because they know there will be rainbows after.

There’s no way to fake an intense love, but you should be able to sense it early on. An intense relationship doesn’t need to be a rollercoaster of emotions – it just needs the emotions to be clearly on display for both partners to see. They won’t all be happy emotions, but the more emotions there are, the more will be happy.

5) Timeless love is unique.

Timeless love never happens in the traditional ways – a once-in-a-lifetime relationship is only going to come around once in a lifetime. These loves thrive on creativity to build memories, and the couple is always graciously hoping for more adventures together.

Get out of your comfort zone and make those adventurous memories together – there’s no substitute. Everyone’s idea of adventure is a little bit different, but in a timeless love, you and your partner will enjoy similar types of adventure (even if you don’t agree on what the best kind is).

6) Timeless love is positive.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the movies where the tender-hearted girl-next-door falls in love with the rebel rogue and the two go off to commit crimes together – but that’s not true love. True, timeless love exudes optimism, even in the darkest hours, and it makes you want to be a better person. Timeless love relies on two people trying to work towards their higher calling in life – and encouraging each other to reach for the stars.

Thankfully, timeless love makes you a believer in optimism. It’s the sort of love that puts a smile on your face when the cheesy love songs come on the radio. It’s the type of love that makes you feel invincible, like you can conquer literally anything – as long as she’s by your side.

7) Timeless love is loyal.

The biggest difference between a timeless love and a relationship is that a timeless love is irreplaceable. Your partner isn’t just your girlfriend, she’s The One. She’s the one you’ve been waiting for your entire life, and you truly feel that you belong to one another. Even if things were to unexpectedly end – due to death, divorce, or just a matter of circumstances – she’ll hold a place in your heart that no one else could ever fill.

It’s important to realize that just because a love is timeless does not mean that it’s invincible. Things can happen at any time due to factors outside of our control, but that doesn’t make the love story any less meaningful.

Do you have a story of timeless love to share with us? We’d love to hear it! Drop it in the comments section below, and let us know if there was anything else that made it so special.

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11 Signs You’re Too Good For Your Girlfriend

When you love someone, you give without expecting anything in return. It’s about the feeling you get when you do nice things for her – not that you do them so that she’ll do something else for you. Still, one-sided signs of affection can lead to resentment, frustration, and downright exhaustion. If one of you is actually playing a bigger role in your relationship – not just overclaiming what you do – an unbalanced feeling might be a sign that you’re too good for your girlfriend.

Of course, it’s up to you whether you stay or go, but if you find yourself in most of the following 11 signs, you deserve so much better – and you’d probably be happier single than with your current partner. How many can you spot in your relationship?

You’re shut out of her life.

Happy, healthy couples share their goals, their plans, and their big decisions with each other. It’s normal to keep your distance in the beginning, but there comes a point where your lives will either pull you closer or push you further away – and a partner who shuts you out isn’t trying to get closer to you.

You fantasize about life without her.

It’s normal to occasionally think about how your life would be different without the person you care about, but there’s a distinct difference between thinking about and fantasizing about. If you find yourself drawn to the idea of breaking up, most likely you should – there’s a reason your mind is somewhere else.

She undervalues you.

Everyone brings value to someone else’s life, in some way or another. If your girlfriend doesn’t see the value that you bring to her life, she’ll never appreciate or respect you. A happy partner would consider your abilities and benefits as part of the team, listen to your opinions, and appreciate your contributions to the relationship. If she’s not doing those things, you owe it to yourself to find someone who will.

Your need for affection is not being met.

Everyone has their own needs within a relationship, but healthy relationship involves a compromise between one’s needs and the other’s boundaries, as much as possible. If you’ve already expressed a need for more affection to your partner and she won’t even consider it, she’s not the one – I promise.

She treats you like a child.

It’s normal to get frustrated with each other when someone’s acting immature – but if your partner is talking down to you and treating you like you’re a child, there’s a problem. It shows a lack of respect, and it shows a desire to control – neither of which is cool in a relationship.

You don’t feel respected or appreciated.

I know I already touched on respect in the last one, but the same is true for appreciation. While you shouldn’t do things just for the recognition, a partner who doesn’t acknowledge the blessings you bring into her life may not actually see any – which is, most likely, a reflection of her rather than of you. Find yourself someone who appreciates everything you are.

She would rather have sex with you than talk to you.

If your girlfriend uses sex as a way to change the subject or avoid having a conversation with you, it might be a sign that sex is all she sees you for. Some aromantic relationships can get by just fine without any conversation, but if the feeling isn’t mutual, it can cause a number of problems between the two of you – best to put an end to it as soon as possible.

You don’t know her friends and family.

It’s completely normal to wait for a relationship to settle in before bringing your boo home to the family, but if you’ve been together for over a year and you don’t know anyone in her life, there may be other issues that you wouldn’t expect. Are you sure you even know her?

You don’t feel like you can trust her.

A lack of trust in a relationship can be a sign of insecurity, especially if one partner just had their trust destroyed. But there’s also a chance it’s your inner intuition telling you the things you don’t want to admit to. Either way, the two of you don’t belong together if there’s no trust involved – the relationship will never be able to grow.

You don’t talk about anything real.

Small talk and shallow conversations are all well and good, but that’s not what intimate relationships are made of. If you never touch on the issues, you can never hope to deal with them, and if your partner discourages talking about your hopes and dreams, too, she’s probably hoping she’s not in them.

You’re not happy, you’re just comfortable.

Relationships aren’t pure magic every single day, but if you can’t remember the last magical day after a few seconds of thinking, your relationship has already played out and it’s time to move on. It’s not fair to either of you to remain in a relationship that doesn’t bring you joy at least most of the time. Only you know what happiness truly means to you, but you owe it to yourself to find it.

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11 Signs You Were Made For Each Other

What causes some relationships to end once the newness rubs off, and what causes some to grow and thrive? While there is no one answer that rings true for everyone, there are a few signs that your relationship is more than just a passing phase. These 11 things lead to greater compatibility and a love that gets better with age – just like a fine wine. Are you and your partner meant to last? Check this list and see how many signs are in your relationship!

You’re best friends.

There’s a reason that we’re so inclined to crush on our besties – it’s because a good friendship can make for a great relationship. When you find the woman who was made for you, she’s eventually going to become your best friend. What’s even better is she’s a best friend who will encourage you to have other friends, too – a great relationship doesn’t mean locking yourselves away for all of eternity.

You respect each other.

Respect is one of the pinnacles of a good relationship, whether it’s romantic, sexual, platonic, or somewhere in between. If you and your partner were meant for each other, there will be a level of respect that’s hard to come by. You might not always agree on everything, but you know what’s important and you put your relationship ahead of your ego.

You bring balance to each other.

Amazing relationships aren’t about being exactly alike – they’re about finding someone who complements you in a way that makes you amazing when you’re together. If one of you is an obsessive planner, the other might be super spontaneous. If one of you is brash and gruff, the other might be cheery and optimistic. Love is about finding balance, and partnering up with someone who meets you in the middle.

You open up to each other.

True love is about honesty and communication. The woman who was meant for you will allow herself to be vulnerable, particularly if it sets you at ease. She’d rather hurt you with the truth than please you with a lie, but most of all she wants to create a truth that does please you. She doesn’t mind doing it, because she knows you feel the same way about her.

You belong to each other.

There’s no settling involved here – what you two have is a bond between souls. You feel complete with each other, and you couldn’t imagine things being any better with anyone else. You might occasionally have a wandering eye, but in the end you know that the strangers on the street could never compare to what you have at home. Staying loyal isn’t a challenge because you know she holds your heart.

You’re into similar things.

Love is about balance, but there are also shared interests. The two of you might have a hobby you participate in together (go you!), a show you watch religiously every date night, or maybe it’s a mutual love of rescued kittens. Whatever it is, you two have “your thing” and you love geeking out together. She’d never judge you for the fandoms you belong to, because she’s probably in half of them too… And it’s always nice to have someone to recap with.

You excite each other.

The spark fades a bit slower in a relationship where you’re meant for each other – you know all the buttons to push to keep things fun and exciting. Just the fact that you adore one another makes the most boring tasks seem a bit more bearable, so when it comes to the things that are already fun, you’re in absolute bliss. Just being around her brings a smile to your face, and there’s no doubt she thinks about you when you’re apart.

You see both strengths and failures.

True love isn’t about finding the perfect person – it’s about loving an imperfect person in the most perfect way. When you find the woman who’s meant for you, you’ll be there to help motivate her towards success, but you’ll also need to be able to pick her up when she struggles. She’ll be by your side doing the same for you, too. You’ve got the tough job of playing cheerleader and coach, but it’ll all be okay, because you’re going through it together.

You understand each other.

As much as love requires you to talk things out, partners who are meant for each other will start to develop their own nonverbal communication, too. The two of you understand the intention behind words, even when they sound unpleasant (or maybe even mean). You also know how to listen for the things that aren’t said, because you know each other well enough to notice when something’s off. Most of all, you want to understand each other – so if something isn’t clear, you ask questions until you get through it.

You support each other.

When you meet the woman who was meant for you, you’re going to feel like you can conquer anything. She’s not your sidekick or your boss, she’s your partner and she wants to see you achieve all your wildest dreams. She might not always share your vision, but both of you understand that you don’t need to be headed to the same place. As long as you’re headed in the same direction, you can get there together.

You feel genuinely happy – often.

There will always be frustrations and other things going on, but when you’re with the woman who was meant for you, those things have a chance to disappear for a little while. Being with her feels like a safety net, or like a warm fluffy bed on a cold winter day. You look forward to spending time around her because she actually distracts you a bit from the less savory parts of life. She gives you a sense of home – and that’s one of the greatest pleasures in life.

10 Things To Know About Sex With An Introvert

So, you heard that introverts were secretly the best girlfriends, and you successfully wooed one. Now what? Dating an introvert can seem like a daunting task, especially if you don’t fully understand what introversion means. Thankfully, though, we’ve outlined this handy guide of the top ten things you need to know about sex with an introvert. For best results, read through this guide before having sex with her for the first time – she’ll definitely appreciate it!

Sex is more exhausting for us.

Sex is an inherently exhausting activity already, but introverts have a particularly hard time recuperating afterward. This is because is physically and mentally draining, and if she feels even the slightest bit pressured into it, it’s going to be emotionally draining, too. Give her time, and she’ll warm up – it’s not a race to the finish.

It’s hard to talk about what we really want.

Many introverts have a hard time expressing what’s on their mind – even if their happiness depends on it. It’s not because we don’t like people, or because we’re too sensitive about what other people think of us. It’s because small talk feels like a barrier placed between people, and it’s super awkward to start a conversation with sex as its primary focus. Still, if we tell you we want or enjoy something, don’t take it lightly – we’ve thought it through before saying it out loud.

Intimacy comes long before we do.

Where extroverts tend to thrive on physical closeness first, introverts prefer to get to know someone deeply before we open ourselves up to them. This means that we take a little longer to get close to, but once we do let you in, you better believe we’re excited about it. We need foreplay every time to help us get comfortable, and it’s always a good idea to ask permission before pressing forward.

Observation is essential.

Introverts are naturally observant of the world around us – we’d prefer to sit on the sidelines watching others have fun than actually participate. It’s not because we’re boring, it’s because we take note of all the details. We’re responsive to our partner’s needs, and we expect a partner who can be responsive to ours, too. This attention to detail makes us excellent lovers, but if you aren’t equally perceptive, your introvert lover might get bored.

Distractions happen sometimes.

While no one is completely prone to distraction, it means something totally different to an introvert. Extroverts tend to be more easily distracted in environments that lead them bored and unstimulated, while introverts are more likely to wander off if there’s too much going on. Rest assured that, just because her mind isn’t totally present when you’re being intimate together, that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself – it means she’s enjoying herself so much that her mind can’t focus on any one thing.

Casual sex can be super awkward.

While most of the introverts I personally know have tried casual sex a time or two before, it usually isn’t “for” us. We’d prefer to form a deep emotional bond with someone, baring our soul before our body – and even that, slowly. We’d rather keep a few people extra close to us than have hordes at arms’ length, so we don’t like to spend a lot of time or energy on people we don’t expect to speak to again.

It’s hard for us to get things started.

Introverts are more likely to be satisfied with less sex than their extrovert partner, which means we’re probably not going to bring it up when we want it. Even when we do want it and it hasn’t been initiated yet, we may be reserved because we’re still thinking things over. Having a partner who can take charge of the situation is wonderful, and a partner who knows how to properly use teasing as a sexual tool is sure to please for years to come.

Our fortress of solitude is not for sex… Usually.

Everyone needs their own space from time to time, but an introvert’s need for alone time is much higher than an extrovert’s. We prefer to have our own safe place to retreat to, somewhere quiet where we can recharge after stressful situations. Since sex is a pretty tiring event, we probably won’t want to stay long after – we need to get back to our comfort zone to rest up. If we bring you into our safe place, it’s important that you respect what it means to us – sharing our private spaces is very difficult for us.

We probably won’t be turned on after a party.

While extroverts may find the excitement of social situations arousing, introverts don’t get the same rush. The exact feelings may be different from one introvert to the next, but most of us would feel more comfortable if we had time to recharge in between. Many introverts prefer morning sex as our social batteries have had time to recharge – we don’t feel sexy when we’re drained from the day’s interactions.

Sitting silently afterwards is 100% not weird.

As much as we value our alone time, introverts also enjoy spending quiet time with the people we need in our lives. Sometimes that means cuddling, once we feel comfortable sharing our space with you, but mostly it just means stolen moments of silence in between activities. We don’t need to fill the air with empty words – we’re comfortable just being near you, and that really is special.

4 Words That Are Killing Your Relationships

It’s hard to think that something as little as word choice can have a profound impact on anything – even though we know how easy it is to be misunderstood. While all misunderstandings are generally bad, there are some specific words that might be wreaking havoc on your love life – even if you don’t even realize you use them.

Of course, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to use each of these words, and just because it comes up in conversation doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is over, but the more often you use these words against your partner, the more likely things are to go sour.

How many are you saying too often?


What you say: “You never talk to me anymore!”

What she hears: “This is all your fault!”

When you start your complaints with the word “you,” it sounds accusatory – and your partner is going to feel like you’re blaming everything on you. It points the finger at her without taking your emotional response into consideration. However, most relationship problems aren’t solely one person’s fault – it takes miscommunication on both sides.

What to say instead: “I feel like we don’t talk as much as we used to.”

When you change your statement into one that reflects your feelings, you’re sharing your perspective, instead of placing blame. It gives your partner the opportunity to help your hurt feelings, instead of putting her immediately into defensive mode.


What you say: “I expected you to have a job by now!”

What she hears: “You’re not the person I want you to be.”

Although no one is immune to expectations in a relationship, it’s important to remember that your partner is not automatically held to your expectations for her. Sure, it would be nice if she did the things you expected and didn’t do the things you didn’t expect from her, but that’s not how life works. Your expectations for her may be vastly different than her expectations for herself, and unless you fully communicate, she’ll never even know what you want. Telling her that she doesn’t meet your expectations will only make her feel like a failure.

What to say instead: “I would prefer if I wasn’t the only one working.”

You can’t fix a missed expectation that’s already past – all you can really do is work on fixing it in the future. It’s also important to realize that she has to want to fix things – you can’t hold her to the vision in your imagination. Instead, focus on what you want, and open the door for discussing those wants. Keeping the focus on your wants, instead of her shortcomings, helps keep the tone a little more positive.


What you say: “You must empty the trash before I get home.”

What she hears: “I’m in charge around here, so do what I say.”

The word “must” (or “have to,” if that’s more your style) asserts dominance over the other person in the conversation. It positions you as an authority and your partner as someone inferior. It takes away her ability to think for herself, because you’re handing over a to-do list. It can lead to resentment in the long term, especially if your partner isn’t the submissive type.

What to say instead: “It would really help me if you could take out the trash before I get home.”

This simple shift makes the statement one about helping you, instead of serving you – something most partners would lovingly do. It gives her room to think for herself, because you’re making a comment, not a command. It replaces the balance between the two of you so that you’re equals, not boss and employee.


What you say: “You should take better care of your car.”

What she hears: “I’m smarter than you.”

The idea that you know what someone else should do – yikes! It’s a slippery slope. It generally comes from a place of judgment, even if it doesn’t feel like you’re being judgmental at the time. When you tell someone what they should do, you’re also telling them that you think you’re an expert, and that you know their situation better than they do. That’s not generally a good approach to take with your partner.

What to say instead: “I would love if you kept your car cleaner.”

Just like with the statements above, shifting the focus from her to you will make it more of a romantic gesture if she decides to comply – she won’t just be doing it because she feels threatened. You should still be aware that she’s not obligated to change – remember, that’s why we’re focusing on you. But, if your partner knows it’ll make you happy if she did the thing, she might be more likely to do the thing than if she just feels like you’re nagging her.

8 Tips For The Most Perfect Date Ever

Have you ever been on a date that was… Not so great, to say the least? You accidentally knocked your wine all over yourself at dinner. You stepped in gum at the theater. Maybe you even messed up your lucky pants before heading out and had to resort to the pair you usually save for laundry day. Yikes! After a date like that, most people are eager to do whatever it takes to make sure the next date they go on is way better.

Well, lucky for you, there’s actually a formula for the perfect date. Consider it a checklist, if you will – the more of these things your dates include, the more perfect they will be. You’re welcome!

Perfect dates aren’t about timing.

You don’t need to plan some extravagant candle-lit dinner. In fact, you don’t have to plan anything at all. The best dates have moments when time stands absolutely still. It’s not about how much time you spend together or what you do when you’re together, but rather it’s about how you feel when you’re around each other.

Perfect dates are creative.

It’s not about how much money you spend, either – it’s about how memorable the date itself is. You want to make sure there’s a touch of simple brilliance to it – something that her ex-girlfriends probably never thought of. When it’s done right, you’ll be creating a memory that will last a lifetime – and that’s something truly special.

Perfect dates let you connect.

When a date is executed perfectly, there’s a bit of chemistry and a bit of getting to know each other. It’s hard to fake chemistry, of course, but a lasting relationship doesn’t need as much of a spark as you might think. You’re excited to get to know each other, and you might find that you’re even closer as time goes on – that’s one of the best feelings! Most of all, though, a perfect date leaves you ready for the next date.

Perfect dates are relaxed and fun.

Most of us take our lives way too seriously all the time – but when you’re on a date, you should be calm and have a good time. There shouldn’t be any hostile competition (although a little laser tag never hurt anybody… at least not that I know of). There shouldn’t be any ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or misleading promises – this date isn’t just a path to get ahead in life. There’s plenty of time to be serious later, so make sure your dates are a time to let go and have fun.

Perfect dates are respectful.

All relationships require respect, and that respect needs to come from the start – disrespectful people don’t magically become respectful as time goes on. The perfect date understands boundaries and consent, and neither of you feels pressured or judged by the other. By the time you go your separate ways, you feel you’ve been treated fairly and with respect.

Perfect dates are passionate.

Perfect dates take passion – but that doesn’t (necessarily) mean you have sex on a perfect date. Anything that charges you up is a passion, and there’s something about the other person that makes you want to share that passion. You excite and ignite each other, and there’s a magnetic attraction that makes you want to come back for more.

Perfect dates teach you something.

The human brain is a muscle that literally sits there all day, absorbing new information. When you have a perfect date, you’re fueling your brain with some fascinating new information – whether it’s information about yourself, about her, or about the world around you. You’re both eager to learn more because there’s something so energizing about cultivating knowledge together.

Perfect dates aren’t about perfection.

While there’s something magical about the dates they show on dating shows, there’s something lacking from all of those: Realness. On a perfect date, you feel comfortable being completely yourself with the other person. You understand that one imperfect date isn’t a disaster, and you’re not putting pressure on the itinerary or your circumstances. A perfect date makes you want to build and grow with this person, and that doesn’t happen in just one day.

7 Things To Remember When Dating A Strong, Successful Woman

Thinking about dating a woman who seems to have her whole life figured out? She’s the type of woman you could picture owning her own business in the next five years (or maybe she already owns a few). She’s entirely self-made and sexy as hell – and somehow, she’s interested in you! You’re right to want to know the secrets. After all, she’s different than the women who are just scraping by. She’s thriving, and she wants you to be a part of her awesome life.

What do you need to remember when you’re dating a strong, successful woman?

She doesn’t need you, she wants you.

Strong women don’t mind being alone, so she’s not going to waste her time with someone who doesn’t complement her life. She isn’t looking for financial support, material gifts, or absolute perfection. Instead, she’d rather spend her time with someone who’s looking to grow, just as she is. She understands that no one starts off a master – she just needs to know that you’re trying. (But, if you don’t keep up with her, she has no room for dead weight.)

She has a strong set of values.

Strong women also have strong values. She needs to know that she has a purpose in life, and she’ll always stand up for the causes she believes in. Of course, she hopes you see eye to eye on those core values, but if you do have a disagreement, she understands how important it is to stick up for yourself, and she’ll respect your different opinions. She isn’t just going through life mindlessly, though – she’s actively doing something to make the world a better, stronger place, and she anticipates your support.

She’s always on a mission.

Strong women are very deliberate with what they do, so you can be certain that your strong girlfriend has a plan. Even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense to you, she’s probably already a few steps ahead (just in case). And, if you’re a bit insecure of your place in her life, be aware: You fit into her plans, in one way or another, or she never would have agreed to go out with you.

She goes after the things she wants.

As much as strong women love a good plan, she’s not afraid to take immediate action if the situation calls for it. She understands that sometimes plans and opportunities change, and you have to take control of a situation before it passes you by. She’ll stop at nothing less than success, and she won’t settle for anything she doesn’t want. This means that she’s not afraid to take the initiative, and she’ll let you know there’s a problem long before it comes unfixable.

She surrounds herself with other strong people.

Strong women aren’t keen on wasting time. She’d rather find herself amid people who can keep up with her, even if that means her social circle is quite small. She doesn’t really care for gossip or small talk – she’d much rather discuss tips, tricks, formulas, recipes, trade secrets… Whatever her particular interests may be. She expects you to be ready to grow and improve with her, or at the very least, to respect her hustle and support her as she does her own thing.

She craves knowledge and learning like air.

Skill building is a hobby for strong women. She is constantly working to improve herself, which means she’ll take books over TV shows any day. Romance can be shown by taking a class together or taking in a new experience – she’s keen on libraries and museums, too. She sets strong goals for herself, and – much to the amazement of those around her – she follows through with her plans. She’s used to overcoming challenges, so much that she seeks them out whenever possible.

She’s not a robot, but she is guarded.

Strong women aren’t magically immune to sadness, fear, or anger – they’re just better at keeping their emotions in check around strangers and acquaintances. She needs to be with someone who supports and appreciates her, because she won’t be vulnerable around someone she doesn’t trust. She won’t let her guard down unless she’s fully comfortable. Make sure you recognize the gift you have, and don’t screw it up!

9 Signs Breaking Up Was The Right Thing To Do

Letting go of a relationship is hard. Even if you inwardly know that moving on was the right choice, it’s completely normal to question whether you really made the right decision.

Rest assured, though – most likely, you did make the right choice when you ended your relationship. Holding onto something that doesn’t make you a better person is a tremendous waste of your emotional resources, and here are 9 signs that you’ll be happier without your ex in your life.

Your relationship was causing you pain.

Whether you wanted to admit it or not, your relationship was hurting you somehow – otherwise you wouldn’t have even considered leaving it. Most likely, you tried to fix the relationship before you got out of it – at least the best way you knew how at the time. It takes strength and courage to stand up for yourself and to put yourself first. Your own empathy caused your hesitation – you still didn’t want to hurt your ex, even if she was hurting you. You were afraid of the consequences of your choice, but once you took action you realized that it cured your fear. You chose to make yourself a priority, and now you are a priority.

You finally started speaking up.

The desire to please others is admirable, but when that’s all you ever do, it can be emotionally draining. In fact, neglecting yourself can have catastrophic consequences – and you finally chose to speak up, rather than letting the resentment and pain to keep growing. You are not responsible for your ex’s faults, and you are not responsible for being her perfect person. You acknowledged that you deserved better, and then you made yourself available to other opportunities.

You were headed in different directions.

It’s a fact of life that people are going to change and evolve – but there’s nothing set in stone about that growth. It’s not always linear, it’s not always forward, and it’s not usually automatic. Someone can be absolutely perfect for you in one season of your life, and then completely wrong for you in the next season. Instead of trying to force your partner to conform to your plans, or forcing yourself to conform to hers, you chose to do the humane thing and open yourself up to a better fit.

You took control of your own destiny.

Instead of playing the victim and waiting for things to get worse, you took the reins and helped to write your own story. You understand that freedom and happiness aren’t a matter of circumstance, they’re a matter of choice, and that means that you must choose the life that brings you happiness. You assume responsibility over your own life, but not hers – you can’t control the path that she walks.

You’ve already found someone new.

If you have already moved onto your next partner, no good can possibly come from questioning the choices – you’ll only end up hurting everyone involved. There is a reason that you are with this new person now – she’s a better fit for you. Even if you haven’t started dating someone else, you have found yourself – the most important partner you’ll ever have. Treat yourself right, and trust that if she was meant to stay your girlfriend forever, you wouldn’t have entertained the idea of walking away.

You figured out your needs and boundaries.

When you grow comfortable in a painful relationship, it’s normal to start tolerating things you told yourself you’d never stand for. But there comes a time when you must discover your needs and boundaries and decide you won’t put up with the same things anymore. When it comes time to reevaluate your needs, you’re also helping to heal your heart and your mind. Take time to visualize your perfect relationship in your mind, without envisioning your perfect partner. Then, identify which pieces are a must for you, and go find them.

You redefined yourself and your future.

You are strong and independent – you let go of someone you, not too long ago, considered a tremendous piece of your life. Now you can learn to set goals as an individual, instead of as a couple. Why settle for the same pain and mediocrity when you can have so much more, if you only seek it out?

You feel at peace with yourself.

You’re no longer half of a couple – you are a completely separate person, free from any expectations, misconceptions, or distractions. You’ve decided that it’s not about belonging to someone else – it’s about owning yourself. Your flaws, your values, your purpose, your likes, and your dislikes all make up who you are, and despite anything that anyone has ever told you, you are great just the way you are. Going through a tough break-up confirms and proves that, and strengthens you for the future. There are still so many possibilities ahead of you!

You learned something from it.

Any experience that leads to new knowledge – about yourself, about other people, or about the world around you – is not a mistake. It’s never a mistake to learn something new. By moving away from the relationship that no longer served you, you created a new reality – with new opportunities, and without the old things weighing you down. After all, you can’t move forward if you’re still holding onto the past. You’re still you after a break-up… You’re just a brand-new, wiser you.

What Do Butch Women Like In Bed?

When you picture a butch woman, who comes to mind? Maybe it’s Poussey or Boo from Orange is the New Black, each sporting short hair and a boyish swagger. Maybe it’s Ruby Rose, who blurs gender. Maybe you picture an innocuous short-haired woman like Tig Notaro or Alison Bechdel, or a generic woman with dreadlocks, a strap-on and an easy smile, like Young M.A. Regardless, all of these images have something in common: “masculinity.”

Now what do you think these women like in bed? Go ahead, take a guess. If traditional straight men are anything to judge by, then butch women probably like to be dominant. They like to penetrate.

But that’s just not true. Remember Domo and Crissy, the butch/femme couple where the butch woman – gasp! – was the one to get pregnant? The Internet erupted in flames because the “wrong one” got pregnant.

Clearly, when we impose archaic homonormative and proto-masculine ideas onto queer couples, we end up wrong.

Arielle Scarcella sat down with several butch women to discuss stereotypes about what butch women want in bed. “What would people be surprised to know about you specifically?” she asked.

One butch woman admitted, “I’m really versatile. I’m usually the one to initiate and take care of her first – but then it’s my turn!”

Another woman looked proud when she said, “I can only really orgasm vaginally.” AKA, from being penetrated.

One woman explained why it’s so uncommon to believe that butch women can enjoy being dominated. It comes back to toxic masculinity. “If you do enjoy receiving penetration,” she says, “that takes away from your masculinity.” #MasculinitySoFragile it even applies to women.

Of course, not all butch women like to be dominant, and some dislike penetration. And that’s completely okay. But don’t make assumptions about what a girl wants in bed based on her biceps and buzz cut.

Watch the video.

11 Lies About Break-Ups We’ve All Fallen For

Let’s take a few minutes to talk about something unpleasant: Breaking up with your girlfriend. Especially around the holidays, break-ups can send you into the deepest, darkest pits of your soul, holding your happiness captive. Sometimes break-ups are messy, and people get hurt. You invest so much of your time, energy, and emotion into this one person and it gets harder to see the other people out there. This is especially true at the end of a toxic relationship where the partners are so involved in one another’s lives that they’ve literally lost touch with the outside world – friends, family members, anyone who used to mean the world to them before they entered their relationship.

To make matters worse, the brain doesn’t really like the idea of change – even positive change. Our brain, masquerading as our heart, takes bits and pieces of things and refuse to fully let go. It’s why you get nostalgic when looking through old pictures, and why you get teary-eyed when you remember your childhood pet. We appreciate things more after we’ve lost them, after all – so why would our romantic partners be any different?

Properly handling a break-up is one of those life-skills that isn’t automatically programmed into us, though – we’ve got to learn it (often the hard way). One of the first steps in resolving your break-up process is understanding that these 11 things are total bullshit.

“One last romp… For old time’s sake.”

There is absolutely no reason you need to sleep with someone one more time when you break up. Not only does it set the precedent that you’re only good for sex – which can drastically lower your self-confidence – but it also reinforces all the bonds you’re trying to break. Think about it: That’s like finding out you’re allergic to peanuts, and then chomping down on one last bag “for old time’s sake.” It’s not going to make the pain of the allergy any less severe, and it won’t make the pain of your break-up any less severe, either. It’ll just encourage you to fall into the same patterns you have, and make up with someone you really don’t belong with.

“The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Whoever started this line of thinking was clearly not looking out for anyone else’s interests when they first said it. The idea that you can move on by forcing yourself to move on completely undermines the grieving and reflecting process – both of which are essential to healing after a break-up. Your brain has withdrawals from oxytocin and it wants them to be dealt with as soon as possible – pushing you toward making irresponsible sexual decisions and placing unfair expectations on your new partner. Love yourself first, in every sense of the word, and be prepared for what the next relationship has in store for you, instead of forcing yourself to relieve your past relationships indefinitely. It might sound hokey, but it’s absolutely necessary.

“We can still be friends.”

I’ve always marveled at people who could stay friends with their exes after a bitter break-up. Once someone has crushed your feelings so completely, can you actually completely forgive them? Well, yes – but not right away. It’s impossible to be “just friends” with someone you have romantic feelings toward. Once those feelings are gone, things might be different – but they might be so different that you have no desire to be friends with this person anymore. It’s important that you focus on your mental and emotional health instead of trying to hold onto the past. It’s always going to sting a little to see when she’s moved on, but if you’ve still got feelings for her when it happens, it’s going to be devastating. Save yourself the heartache and opt to do your own thing until you’ve healed.

“It’s all her/my fault.”

Okay, so technically this one counts as two misconceptions, but the basis of both of them is exactly the same. Break-ups are very rarely (with extra emphasis on both parts) black-and-white or one-sided. Even if the relationship itself felt unbalanced, there was still one of you who frustrated the other, and the other who didn’t tackle those frustrations head-on. Everyone makes poor choices, but the wise among us learn and grow from those mistakes. Learning how to forgive can be difficult, but it’s essential that you forgive both yourself and her. I’m pretty partial to the forgiveness meditations within the Calm app myself – these forgiveness meditations are offered for free and have done wonders for improving my ability to let go of the past.

“Break-ups make you fat.”

I’ll admit that I’ve gone through a number of break-ups where I had gained a fair amount of weight by the time I met my next partner. I’ve also had break-ups where I lost a tremendous amount of weight before it was all said and done. It really comes down to how you handle it. The most successful way to handle a break-up is to use it as an opportunity to improve yourself – join a gym, start eating healthier, or just spend some time walking in nature every day. You’ll be amazed at how much of a difference it makes.

“Being single again sucks.”

Many people (myself included) don’t like the feeling of being single. Humans are social creatures, after all – even the most antisocial introverts among us need some type of interaction. But that’s not singledom that sucks – it’s loneliness, and they’re not one and the same. It’s all about your attitude: Will you choose to be happy today? Have you made a plan for how to handle your new single life? And, perhaps most importantly, have you taken the time to cherish, appreciate, and revel in your freedom?

“I’ll never fall in love again.”

Of course you will. Humans are social creatures, remember? Eventually the day will come when you’re drawn to someone else, and if you’ve closed off your heart to the idea of finding love again, it’s going to be really hard to cope with the “what might have beens” that are soon to come your way. I do believe that everyone is capable of having a truly timeless love, but to be quite blunt, if you broke up… This one wasn’t it.

“It came from totally out of the blue.”

When you hear someone say this about the end of their relationship, you can guarantee that – in their mind – they are painting their ex as a saboteur of romance. But break-ups are rarely spontaneous. There are almost always signs that things are on the rocks, but many people choose to ignore what they consider “bad news.” It’s good that you choose to focus on the positives, but ignoring the fact that your relationship was on the rocks is not the right type of optimism. Someone else’s feelings are on the line here, too.

“I can get through this break-up the same way I’ve gotten through every other break-up.”

Wouldn’t it be great if you could figure out the secret formula and end all the pain of break-ups for the rest of your life? Well, that would be great – but chances are, finding that formula would get rid of the need for a break-up in the first place. It’s not a lost cause, though, as long as you’re actually learning things from the relationship. Each and every person – and every relationship – is different, so if there really is a pattern forming, there might be some tough introspection to do – repeating the exact same mistakes will never lead to new results.

“I’m already damaged, so what’s the point in trying?”

If you’ve ever thought that it was too late to improve your life, or that you were just “bad at relationships,” you’re not alone – but you’re also the victim of a fixed mindset. It’s never too late to make your life better, because humans are ever-evolving and growing into different people. As long as you’re steadily making progress towards the better version of yourself, you are improving. Even slow progress is better than no progress at all.

“I can change. I deserve another chance.”

Well… Yes and no. It’s entirely possible that you can change, but do you really want to be making those changes to appease someone else? If you’re not making changes for yourself, your motivation will waver and you will mess up. It’s part of the process. (Even if you are doing it for yourself, slip-ups happen.) These slip-ups will damage the trust, respect, and self-worth in the relationship – are you sure you want to risk resentment?

More than just that, your ex is allowed to be happy, too, and she doesn’t owe you a second chance any more than you’d owe her one. No one has the right to expect someone else put their own happiness on the back-burner to your wants. Let her go find her own happiness, and take care when cultivating yours. Your second-chance will come, but it might not be with her, and you need to accept that before you can move on.

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What To Expect When Dating An Introvert

For as long as I can remember, I’ve preferred my own company over the company of others. Some of it is anxiety, I’m sure. Some is probably insecurity.

But so much more of it is simply because I’m an introvert. I spent a lot of my childhood trying to fix my introversion – mistakenly thinking it was something I was just doing wrong. As I’ve grown up, however, I’ve learned that there’s nothing wrong with taking time for myself. Not only is it something I enjoy, but it’s something that I need as an introvert.

Introverts aren’t necessarily shy (although many are), they just cherish their quiet stillness and value their alone time. They recharge by themselves, as opposed to extroverts who are recharged by the energy of other people. That doesn’t mean an introvert and an extrovert aren’t compatible – it just means you need to know what you’re getting yourself into.

Introversion isn’t just one personality type.

While people are generally categorized as “an introvert” or “an extrovert,” the truth is that there is a lot of complexity within those two core types. When it comes to introverts, there’s a spectrum ranging all the way from antisocial introverts (those who would prefer to be alone because they think other people are terrible) to ambiverts (those who need time to be alone, but also need time around other people). Somewhere in the middle, there are selective introverts and shy introverts – those who are particular about the people in their lives and those who get nervous around new people, respectively.

Most introverts fall in the middle.

When you think of an introvert, you usually think of the antisocial introvert, but realistically most introverts aren’t antisocial – just selectively social. No one is in their life randomly; every day they interact with someone is a conscious choice. They are very choosy about who they get close to, so they’re not generally surrounded by a very large circle. You can trust that, if you’re in the circle of an introvert, they’ve already decided that you’re worth their time.

Introverts prefer deeper conversations.

Where extroverts can strike up a conversation with whoever they encounter, introverts don’t have such a luxury – so they’re very selective about the things they say, as well as who they say them to. Their conversations have direction and purpose, which means they’re not drawn to drama or mindless bickering. They’d prefer to work things out rather than just fight and argue.

Introverts are amazing listeners.

Introverts are attentive and thoughtful, and they take time to thoroughly process things before replying. This means that they won’t jump to hasty conclusions or speak just to hear themselves talk. They are concise with their own words, so they can better understand yours – including the ones you can’t express so well. If they can tell that it’s important to you, they’ll do their best to help you work through it.

Introverts are understanding, but they need you to understand, too.

Maybe it’s because of how much understanding they require in a relationship, but introverts tend to be some of the most understanding partners – as long as you’re not hurting them in the process. They need to feel appreciated and loved, so they’ll make sure you feel appreciated and loved. They need you to reach out first, because sometimes it’s hard to take that first step, but once the conversation starts, they’re ready to face it.

Introverts aren’t strangers to leaps of faith.

Generally speaking, introverts would prefer not to take unnecessary risks – so if the intro you’re interested in has given you the greenlight to pursue, understand that they’ve already invested a lot of thought into whether or not you’re worth it. They understand that love is a risky game to play, so just taking a chance on you is already a huge deal – make sure you’re playing fair!

Introverts need their own place to retreat.

It’s nothing personal, and it speaks nothing of your relationship, if the introvert you love needs to retreat to her own sanctuary occasionally (or often). Introverts need peace and intimacy, and they’d rather spend quality time with you than spend every minute by your side. Trust them, and respect their boundaries – the time you spend together is immensely valuable to them.

Introverts want to know their partner is satisfied.

Introverts are natural-born people-pleasers (well, with the exception of the antisocial introverts, of course). They will step out of their comfort zone if they think it will make their partner happy, and they remain concerned about their partner’s satisfaction during the entire relationship. They want to make sure you feel loved, appreciated, and happy from the first date to the very end.

Introverts are respectful whenever possible.

Your introvert love interest understands your need for personal space and privacy, because those are some of the deepest needs they have. They have high levels of emotional intelligence and would never want to impose. They also want to know that you feel your opinions are valued in the relationship, and they want you to speak up if something feels off – a roadmap to your happiness would likely be followed to the letter if you gave one.

Introverts are committed and loyal.

Relationships are a serious commitment to an introvert – they won’t enter one until after they’re sure of the other person. They may opt for loyalty before official title, and you might expect that you’re the only one they’re talking to even if you’re “just talking.” Cheating is out of the question – why would they stray from the person they’ve already committed themselves to?

Introverts will surprise you with their joy.

Just because an introvert needs a little extra time for themselves doesn’t mean that they’re boring – they just get joy from the simpler pleasures in life. The experiences they share with their most important people are precious, and they’ll enjoy those memories for years to come. To top it all off, they’ve got a witty sense of humor and are sure to make you laugh in the most unexpected ways.

15 Truths Of Falling For A Straight Girl

Let’s face it: We’ve all had a crush on a straight girl at some point in our life. Sure, sometimes we convince ourselves that she’s not really straight, or that we’ll be the exception, or any number of things we tell ourselves so we feel just a little bit better.

But, to be clear, if she tells you she’s straight… Most likely, she does identify as such, and pushing her to give you a chance is a jerk move even if she is questioning. Trust me. If she wanted to question things right now, she’ll ask – but until then, respect her identity.

All disclaimers aside, let’s move onto the 15 truths of falling for a straight girl, as told through Tumblr posts.



Cupid, can you just… Not?


Straight girls, can you just not either?


But, then again, we could be totally awesome together.


But, she’s probably going to wait until it’s too late.



And we’ll probably feel like this once we say it’s too late:


Maybe we’ll just be friends.



… or not.





“I’m so gay for you!” … Yeah, right.


It would be kinda funny, if it wasn’t also super sad.


Most of us have Googled “how to get over a straight girl.”


But this is what we end up doing instead:


Rest assured, you’re far from alone.


And it’s not really the straight girl’s fault (usually).


All in all, though, it’s best to avoid it as much as you can.

But you can’t, because life is cruel. No Tumblr for this one, just some cold-hard truth!

33 Lesbian Remakes Someone Needs to Make Already

Have you ever wished you could see a remake of one of your favorite movies, but without the heteronormative relationships thrown in? Me, too, trust me. That’s why I’ve decided to make this list of 33 movies that really, really need a lesbian remake already. Who’s going to make these happen?

1. Love Actually

…except the entire cast of The L Word comes back to play all of the characters. I don’t even care how bad it would be… I just want to see it.

2. Bend It Like Beckham

Once they’re done stressing over all the homophobic insults thrown their way through the whole thing, Jess and Jules would just kiss at the end and be like “lol yep you were right” and everyone would be happy.

3. Clueless

Only, in this version, Tai gives Cher the most glorious makeover with plaid and Doc Martens, and they live happily ever after… No creepy sort-of-incest thing like what occurred in the original.

4. Juno

Since Ellen Page would actually be playing a lesbian in this one, she wouldn’t get pregnant, of course… But she’d still keep that epic level of snark that we all love her for.

5. The Notebook

Exactly the same as it is now, except it’s a lesbian couple, and instead of ending up in the hospital, they get married at a lovely old age because it’s finally legal. Everyone cries twice as much as they did for the original.

6. Step Up

In this one, Jenna Dewan plays both leads – no Channing Tatum necessary. The dancers are all awesome queer who totally rock it, because… hello… they’re awesome queer women. (Plus, twice as much Jenna Dewan? Yes, please.)

7. Adventureland

Jesse Eisenberg’s character is played by Ellen Page instead, and we get to see K-Stew and E-Page have a torrid summer love affair. Aw, yeah. (Even though Kristen Stewart’s character was totally horrible in that movie, and Ellen Page definitely deserves better.)

8. Bring It On

Can you just imagine Kirsten Dunst and Gabrielle Union together? I can, and it’s a glorious fantasy. They end up having a secret love affair and getting kicked off their teams for falling for “the enemy,” but it turns out that lesbian love (and cheerleading) trump everything else.

9. Grease

Danny becomes Dani, the leather biker butch, and Sandy gets progressively gayer as the movie moves forward. Everything else is pretty much the same.

10. Brokeback Mountain

Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams as the cow[girl]s, and the husbands are just obliviously in the background because men didn’t really pay attention to their wives much back then anyway. Perfect.

11. Mean Girls

Regina, Cady, and Janice practically had a lesbian love triangle going on in the original movie, but in the lesbian remake, we’d be able to see them kiss. Everyone’s a winner.

12. Mulan

How can you have a story about a woman who dresses in men’s clothing, and make her marry her “Prince Charming” in the end? I think not.

13. My Big Fat Greek Lesbian Wedding

Need I say more?

14. Twilight

In this version, it turns out that Edward and Jacob are fighting over Bella to impress each other – so when they run off together, Bella makes out with Alice and it’s infinitely better than the original.

15. Titanic

Jack is now played by Natalie Portman, but with the exact same costume design. However, Jack[ie] and Rose both survive and they end up opening an illegal speakeasy in New York at the end. (Can you imagine how much better that car scene would be, though?)

16. Whip It

Ellen Page realizes that the band guy is a total waste of her time and has sex in the diner with her BFF instead. I mean, just picture Ellen Page and Alia Shawkat together for a second…

17. Ghostbusters (2016 version)

I mean, how could Kate McKinnon not end up making out with anyone in that movie? Let’s try this one again, and this time, sprinkle in more than a wink and a nod to Kate’s uber-sexiness.

18. But I’m a Cheerleader

I think we all need a little follow-up to see how Graham and Megan are getting on now that they’ve been happily in a relationship for the last 7 years… The fans deserve to know.

19. Chicago

More sex scenes, preferably between Catherine Zeta Jones and Queen Latifah. But really, any f/f pairing will do… There are so many options…

20. The Sound of Music

Could we just have a little hint that the nuns are using “lesbian sex isn’t real sex” as a loophole to their vows of celibacy?

21. Thelma and Louise

How these two weren’t already lesbians is beyond me… But instead of driving off the cliff this time, they end up settling down in Suburbia and live happily ever after.

22. She’s the Man

Viola ends up liking the short hair and dapper look and decides she’s never going back. Besides, the boys in her life are way too much trouble, anyway.

23. Pitch Perfect

Anna Kendrick has already said she’d be down to make out with Brittany Snow in the next installment – so why not redo the whole thing with a lesbian subplot and get rid of Creepy Movie Fan altogether?

24. The Hunger Games

Let’s be real – this is another movie where the guys are more trouble than they’re worth. Katniss and Johanna, though… That I could get behind.

25. Cruel Intentions

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair already got it started – why were they both fighting over Ryan Phillippe in the first place? I mean, he was a total douche anyway, and he played Kathryn’s step-brother… Ew.

26. 10 Things I Hate About You

I can’t be the only one who wished that Julia Stiles would just say that the reason she wasn’t really into guys was… Because… She really wasn’t into guys?

27. Pride and Prejudice

Darcy is another jerk, so why didn’t Lizzie just run off with Charlotte and make the best of her options really count?

28. Jenny’s Wedding

Here’s yet another one that could have been improved by adding Ellen Page… I’m sure of it. We can even leave the other two in with their not-so-sexy sex scenes. I’d be fine with that.

29. When Harry Met Sally

Meg Ryan and Carrie Fisher would have been so cute together, and Carrie’s character even had that stereotypically-lesbian haircut going for her anyway…

30. Bridget Jones

Need revenge? Sleep with the hot girl at the New York Office. They find out that their revenge-affair was really where it was at, and no one ever speaks to Daniel again. The end.

31. The Princess Diaries

Seriously, the world needs a lesbian queen – and who better to play one than Anne Hathaway? She’s already a big supporter of gay rights, and Heather Matarazzo has played a lesbian before… So… Why not?

32. Heathers

More sex, less death, everyone lives happily ever after.

33. Cheaper by the Dozen

Instead of a straight couple with a bunch of kids, it’s now a lesbian couple with 12 cats. What more could you ask for?

What movie would you want to see done in a lesbian remake?

Let us know in the comments!

Who is Your Queer Celebrity Crush, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

Aquarius: Rachel Maddow

The highly-cerebral Aquarius needs someone who is educated and opinionated. You enjoy having a good conversation and debating your beliefs, and you need a partner who knows how to turn on your brain before anything else.

Thankfully, Rachel Maddow is a smart and savvy political commentator who knows her way around an argument – and, we’re assuming she knows her way around your dreams, too. If you’re looking for someone who will stimulate your mind and your body, look no further.

Pisces: Kristen Stewart

As a Pisces, you are known for your sensitive and passionate nature. You yearn for a partner with emotional depth and range, who isn’t going to push you too far out of your comfort zone. Thankfully, since Kristen Stewart came out late last year (or earlier this year, depending on your perspective), she’s also revealed that there is a huge hidden layer we never gave her credit for. She has a large well of emotions to draw from, which will serve as the perfect complement to your soft, gentle nature.

Aries: Ruby Rose

Aries women are notoriously sensual, and they have a strong need to be seduced. Their high sex drive is often hidden behind their need for spontaneity, so they’re best suited to be with someone who will lure it out of them. Lucky you – Ruby Rose is single again, and she’s the perfect grown-up indulgence to put your inner child to bed. This androgynous goddess oozes sex appeal, and she’s also pretty fun, too – just what you need to fill your deepest fantasies.

Taurus: Angelina Jolie

Stubborn Taurus takes some time to warm up, but once she’s thoroughly stimulated, she’s a sensual vixen with a one-track mind. This goes perfect with the strong sexuality of Angelina Jolie. Known worldwide for her highly seductive look and her deeply accepting nature, you can bet that she’ll stand up against you when you’re clinging just a bit too hard to the wrong side of things. She’ll stimulate you on every level, and remind you to get outside your head sometimes, too.

Gemini: Halsey

Gemini women are known for their flighty nature. In fact, when you’re bored as easily as you are, you crave excitement, passion, and challenges more than anything else. You’re particularly attracted to the musical and poetic types, as they tend to be exciting and romantic and complex, all at the same time. The soulful and fascinating Halsey is a great choice for you, because she feels the entire spectrum of human emotion and she’s willing to take risks. The only question is, can you keep up?

Cancer: Miley Cyrus

Cancer is one of the most sensitive of all the signs, and those who fall under the crab sign are often cautious to a fault. They need a strong, outspoken woman to lead the way and bring out their inner sex goddess. We think that Miley Cyrus is a great crush for you, because she is definitely not shy. She’ll push you way out of your comfort zone, but only after she’s done all the hard work of pursuing you. Of course, she might embarrass you from time to time – but isn’t that what your crush is supposed to do?

Leo: Cara Delevingne

Leo women are turned on by a challenge. They enjoy being in charge, but it’s no fun if they don’t have to work for it. What they desire most is someone who’s even wilder than they are, who will still keep them in check when needed. The sexy and fun Cara Delivingne loves the attention and the spotlight. She’s sexy, stubborn, and sarcastic – everything we love in our queer celebs. Plus, her wild streak will easily make yours look tame – and isn’t that what you wanted?

Virgo: Suze Orman

Virgo women crave control and stability. They’ll pick a partner who can give them security and structure over a woman with charm any day. Suze Orman is just the person your responsible self needs. Not only does she have perfect credit, but she’s also got impeccable future-planning skills – and the decency to not waste your time if it’s not going to work out.

Libra: Samira Wiley

Libras have the biggest heart out of all the signs, so they need a crush who’s trustworthy and good at listening. Now, I don’t know exactly why, but Samira Wiley just has that soft, safe vibe that just makes you want to tell you all her secrets. Plus, she’s adorable, and she gives off such a positive energy. What more could you ask for?

Scorpio: Michelle Rodriguez

Scorpio women are blessed with an amazing combination of fierce intellect and strong sex appeal. This makes them a prized catch, but they won’t settle for anyone who can’t keep up with them – in the bedroom and in the conversation. The hypersexual Michelle Rodriguez is a great choice in both areas, because she is powerful and witty, and she’ll head up the conversation and keep you on your toes. (And besides – you can’t pretend your heart didn’t skip a beat when she came out.)

Sagittarius: Samantha Ronson

Sagittarius women are free spirits who crave adventure. They’re most in their element when they are traveling the world, living the party life, and having a good time. Samantha Robin lives this lifestyle every single day and she loves it. She can get you into pretty much any bar or club you want, anywhere in the world, and she literally brings the party with her when she walks in the door. Be still, fluttering heart.

Capricorn: Tig Notaro

Capricorn women need to laugh before anything else – but that lowbrow humor just won’t do. In order to seduce you, a woman has to offer smart humor that will make you think before making your sides hurt. Tig Notaro is just the comedic genius that Capricorns need. Her style is witty, but funny, and she’s also kinda friends with Ellen Degeneres – wouldn’t that be cool?

17 Ways to Make the Most Out Of Your Long-Term Relationship

Getting ready to enter a long-distance relationship? Make sure you’re remembering these 17 tips first.

1. See it as an opportunity.

Truly, there isn’t much that challenges a relationship quite as much as going long-distance. If you look at this challenge as a test of your love, it might even make you a bit anxious. But when you understand that it’s an opportunity to do your own thing without being selfish, you’ll have a much easier time coping with the distance.

2. Avoid talking too much.

Many people think that you need to compensate for the distance by talking more than you would if you lived in the same town. While this almost makes sense, in theory, it’ll most likely make everything worse. Focus on the quality of your communication, rather than the frequency, and things will go much more smoothly.

3. Keep each other in the loop.

While you don’t want to spend every waking moment blowing up your partner’s phone, you do need to keep each other abreast of what’s going on in your lives. It’s a nice idea to update her about your family, if you’re close with them (and especially if she’s close with them), or to let her know about the promotion you’re trying for at work. And, when in doubt, a picture is worth a thousand words.

4. Set some ground rules as early as possible.

Ground rules are important to define and revise in any relationship, but in a long-distance relationship they’re absolutely essential. You’ll need to manage your expectations together, so that neither of you feels trapped or abandoned. You’ll need to clarify whether you’ll stay exclusive, or just how far you’re committed across the distance. There’s no single answer that works for everyone, but honesty is always a great place to start.

5. Avoid casting any doubt or insecurity.

If there’s something on your agenda that you know your partner wouldn’t appreciate, you’ve got two options: Either don’t do the thing, or talk to your partner about it beforehand so you can calm any concerns she may have. Telling her after the fact will only breed doubt. When you recognize a tricky situation for what it is, you can avoid the relationship traps that might lay ahead.

6. Learn each other’s schedules and routines.

Especially if you live in different time zones. It’s helpful to know when your messages are going to be a welcome distraction, and when they’re pulling her away from something important. By understanding each other’s schedules, you’re not only minimizing the stress you add to each other’s lives, but you’re also maximizing the support you can give. She’s got a big test or a job interview coming up? Help her study or wish her luck!

7. Stay positive, as much as possible.

Waiting can be painful, but a bad attitude can turn it into an excruciating nightmare. Remember the good times you’ve had in the past, and look forward to the good times that are yet to come. It won’t be like this forever, so learn to be grateful for the way things are now. I recommend keeping a gratitude journal, but then again, I recommend keeping a journal for everything, so what do I know?

8. Loan her something that represents you.

Humans, in general, tend to assign arbitrary values to things based on who they came from. My partner, for example, won’t throw away the shirts she’s had since junior high, because her grandma bought them for her. A small memento for your partner to think of you will be cherished the entire time you’re apart. Ask for one in return, too – these sentimental tokens can be traded back once you’re reunited for good.

9. Cultivate pet names and inside jokes.

It’s rough to keep bonding over a long distance, but with cutesy pet names and inside jokes, you can grow closer just by sharing the little things that no one else understands. Was she full of static electricity on your last road trip together? No one else needs to know why you call her “Sparky” – only you. Any other inside jokes are great, too, because it’s a shared memory that’ll bring a smile to your face every time.

10. Get intimate over the phone.

Talking dirty can be an uncomfortable activity, but it’s been shown to be connected to better sex – so it’s a good idea to get comfortable with it. Dirty talking lets you safely explore your sexual fantasies, and it helps open the discussion for how you’ll get busy when you get back together. (Plus, doing the deed yourself can get a little boring after a while – might as well call her so she can help!)

11. Nurture your social circle.

Long-distance partners have the ultimate luxury: A partner who is (metaphorically) standing by their side, and the ability to spend time with all of the people their partner doesn’t particularly care for, without someone ending up bored or annoyed. It’s a win-win! Take advantage of this time to grow your personal network, meet new people, and catch up with your family.

12. Savor your alone time, too.

One of the reasons introverts make such great long-distance partners is because they already know how to harness their alone time for their maximum potential. LDR’s leave room for each partner to learn and grow as a person. You can pursue your own hobbies, while reveling in the fact that you’re not just dragging someone else along for the ride. You’re each on your own journey – you’re just sharing notes until your paths cross again.

13. Send her old-fashioned snail mail.

Let’s face it: Everyone loves mail that isn’t a bill or an advertisement. When you take the time to send your partner a hand-written letter or a hand-made gift, you’re telling her that she’s worth the extra time it takes. You could have just sent a text, but instead you sent a teddybear, flowers, or a musical card – she’ll be ecstatic! You even have the element of surprise working in your favor – she won’t even see it coming.

14. Discover shared hobbies and interests.

With all the time you’re spending apart, it’s important to find some common ground. Shared interests and hobbies help bridge the divide by giving you something to talk about. Maybe it’s a book you’re both reading, similar classes you’re taking, or a collection you’re adding to separately. Either way, you’ll automatically be reminded of her every time you participate in that activity, and she’ll always feel just a little bit closer.

15. Visit each other whenever you reasonably can.

No relationship can survive purely within your imagination – you need to actually see each other when you can. That doesn’t have to be every week, or even every month, but it needs to happen on a schedule that works well for you and your budget. Once you do get that time together, make the most of it – participate in some of those shared hobbies, catch a good movie, and snuggle up together in silence. It really is the little things.

16. Do things together, even when you’re apart.

Just because you’re separated by however many cities, countries, or time zones, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have “date nights.” Video chats work well for this purpose, or you can share a walk over a phone call. No matter what you’re into, make sure you’re carving out some time to do something with her that counts as a date. It seems complicated in theory, but once you get started, it’s much easier than you think.

17. Have an endgame in mind.

Finally, your long-distance relationship can’t stay long-distance forever – at some point in time, you’ll want a different situation figured out. Make plans for your future together, and make sure you’re setting yourself up for happiness. Setting a deadline might even make the time pass quicker, too – try it and see!

9 Things You Lose When You Say Sorry

Human communication is a crazy thing. The entire planet has had thousands upon thousands of years to get it all right… And still we manage to say things we don’t mean, and other people pick up on things that were absolutely not our intention. You’d think we’d have it all figured out by now. Once you add in language barriers, the complexities of text-vs.-spoken-words, and of course body language, too, things start to get really complicated.

One of the most overused (and, often, misused) words in the English language is “sorry”. We all know that a “sorry” is supposed to be a sign of humility – something we say because we know we’ve screwed up. The word is supposed to make us feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, and – in theory – it should be really hard to say.

The only problem is… It’s not.

All too often, people use “sorry” as an icebreaker, a way to start a conversation with less pressure. I was one of those people for a painfully long time, actually. Eventually I learned that insincere apologies actually rob us blind – even if the effects aren’t clear from the start.

Here are a few of the things that over-apologizing takes away from you…

You lose your first impression.

We know how important first impressions are, and often we’ll sneak a “sorry” in there to take some of the pressure off. I’d like to professionally recommend that you stop doing that! When you say “sorry” to start a conversation with someone you’ve never spoken to before, you’re setting the other person up to pay extra attention to any flaws you may have. After all, you’ve already apologized for them, so they just know the flaws are there.

It might also give them a little insight into some other character flaws you’ve got going on – an experienced communicator will know which parts of your personality may have already been carved away. First impressions are so powerful because humans start picking up on subtle cues as soon as we meet a person. When those cues tell us that the person is a chronic over-apologizer, we know that they don’t have confidence, self-respect, or credibility – but we’ll get into that a little deeper later.

You lose your charm.

Starting a conversation with “sorry” instantly kills whatever magic might have been there. It sounds like you’re undecided, and when you’re trying to pick someone up, it makes it seem like maybe you lost a bet. Not really the best way to woo the ladies, am I right? (That was a trick question. I already know I’m right.) You might not feel like you’re undecided about pursuing her, but that’s how she’s going to take it.

More than just that, unnecessarily apologizing makes you less attractive, because it already implies that you’re not worthy of the other person’s time. You sound like you’re begging for their attention, which is not flattering – at all. It messes with other people’s perception of you and just ends up making you feel embarrassed.

You lose your confidence.

Human nature pushes us to continually improve ourselves, so when we’re not getting better at something, we have the urge to apologize for it. The only problem with this is, if you were already trying your best and you decide that your best wasn’t good enough, what does that mean? Apologizing for something that you put real effort into doesn’t make you sound modest – it makes you sound unconfident.

More than just that, we tend to apologize for mistakes we think we’re going to make – before we’ve even made them! That totally kills our focus when we’re in the moment, because we’re already thinking about what could go wrong instead of enjoying everything that is already going right. It sets a negative tone for your actions and words, and it makes other people more critical of you – which, in turn, kills your confidence even further.

You lose respect from others.

It probably goes without saying, but “sorry” is a very submissive word. It’s meant to convey the same message as when a dog tucks its tail and hangs its head – and, most likely, if you overuse your apologies, the people around you are going to start looking at you the same way that people look at sad dogs. The thing about sad dogs, however, is they aren’t guilty because someone else made them guilty.

All too often, we feel the need to preface our requests and demands with “sorry” to soften the blow. Really, when we’re doing this, we’re just making ourselves into scapegoats. We’re not really apologizing for our needs and boundaries – we’re apologizing for our boundaries being an inconvenience to others. It ends up coming across as if we’re begging to just be, and that’s not good. The balance between standing up for yourself and being disrespectful isn’t as thin as you might think.

You lose your value.

When other people stop treating you with respect, it gets really hard to treat yourself with respect. You start to undervalue yourself, and you start to sacrifice your self-esteem. Other people start picking up on your guilty conscience, and you start to feel guilty for things that literally have nothing to do with you. This makes it hard to be happy, because you’re constantly evaluating the negative parts of your life as a failure on your part.

While some failures may be your fault, often those types of failures are fixable. Most of the negative parts of our lives are things we can’t control, though, and it makes no sense to beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Unnecessary apologies destroy your value by holding you accountable for things you couldn’t possibly have prevented, and that’s not fair to you.

You lose your credibility.

Since you’ve started apologizing for things that have nothing to do with you, people won’t know how to tell when you’re genuinely sorry. This leads them to think you might be pacifying the situation with other things you say, too, and it gets harder to believe the things you say. Others have a hard time recognizing a true, sincere apology, so they simply assume all of your apologies (and everything else you say) are insincere.

When you apologize for things that you were involved with, but the problem didn’t actually have to do with you, you’re setting an idea that you’re to blame for what goes on around you – even if that’s not actually the case. Over time people will start to assume that you’re to blame anytime you’re in the area. You might notice that your responsibilities at work start to diminish, or your partner’s sharing with you less and less. This is a sign that people no longer have faith in you because you’re always apologizing.

You lose your identity.

Now that you’ve lost your confidence, your self-worth, and your number of responsibilities, you’re drastically falling away from everything that makes you a unique and special person. Your views are no longer important, because you’ve conditioned yourself to think that they’re probably wrong anyway. In turn, you don’t volunteer your ideas anymore, and instead you go along with something someone else has put out there.

But you’re giving up the things that make you truly unique. Your ideas, your self-worth, and the things you do for yourself and others are what make you you – no one else can fill your shoes! When you keep those opinions and skills to yourself, you’re destroying your individuality, bit by bit. If you let this go on for too long, you’ll lose your whole personality!

You lose your relationships.

We often think of apologizing as a way to hang onto a relationship, right? But when you over-apologize, you actually accomplish quite the opposite. When “sorry” is used as a filler word, its intention is to avoid a discussion. You’re not trying to work through a problem – you’re just agreeing with your partner so that you can get it over with. This isn’t healthy.

Relationships thrive on communication, and you can’t have a lasting relationship with someone if you aren’t communicating. Burying your problems makes them grow, and offering an empty “sorry” instead of a sincere apology won’t make you a better person. It’s your actions that matter.

You can even lose your insurance.

We’ve already discussed how over-apologizing can affect your relationships, your friendships, and your career, but in some cases, you can even lose your insurance coverage for apologizing. In a car accident, for example, saying “I’m sorry” to the other person, any witnesses, or even local law enforcement is seen as admitting that you’re guilty. If you’re determined to be at fault, you’ll need to pay for medical bills, damages, and probably a rate hike from your insurance company, too.

The thing is… There are professionals who evaluate an accident to see who was at fault, and there might be information you didn’t know about at the time. Maybe the other driver had been drinking, or they weren’t legally allowed to drive. If one of these issues is in place, they may be determined at fault – but not if you admit fault first and take away the need for the investigation. It’s always better to work through the issue before you apologize for it.

9 Unavoidable Truths About Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships are a lot harder than other relationships. That’s not to say they aren’t worth it – for the right woman, nothing is out of the question. But that doesn’t always make it any easier to deal with. In fact, there are some things about long-distance relationships that are unavoidable – no matter how much you love your long-distance partner. Here are 9 things you’ve got coming in the future of your long-distance relationships – and what each of those things really means.

1. You get better at planning.

Since you know that your time together is super limited, you get really good at planning out every minute of your time together. You think about the big picture, and you can really start to visualize your future after the time spent apart. Unfortunately, this “good planning” comes at a cost – other people will get in the way of your plans, and it’s really frustrating when the things you’ve been looking forward to for months are suddenly derailed.

2. You cherish the time you spend together.

When your plans do come together how you meant for them to, you are at peace. The time and distance don’t seem so huge because you have your plans to look forward to, and your memories to look back on. This can be incredibly difficult if you break up, though, because you’ve taken extra work committing those memories to the long-term – they won’t be easy to let go of.

3. The situation usually isn’t permanent.

Worked into your plans somewhere is the day the two of you are reunited for good – that magical time when you can finally reap the rewards you’ve been building separately for so long. But that reunion doesn’t always come. Sometimes, drifting apart can seem so much more drastic when you’re separated by the distance. The relationship can be a lot harder to maintain because you don’t see each other very often.

4. Trust and communication are a given.

While all relationships require trust and communication, long-distance relationships get an extra dose. You both know how important it is that you be honest with each other, and you’d rather overshare than leave out something important. Still, all that extra communication can take its toll on you – this type of relationship takes a great deal of personal effort to maintain, and misunderstandings and miscommunication can be devastating.

5. You really notice the little things.

You want to be involved in each other’s lives, even when you’re far apart, so you check in whenever you can. Sometimes that means a phone call, a text, or a message sent through Facebook – but other times that means scrolling through timelines and blogs and whatever other social media streams your partner has. This social media presence can breed jealousy if not used wisely, so it’s important that you don’t rely on it for too much of your communication.

6. You get really, really good at phone sex.

Whether you choose to go through the phone, Skype, or any other method for long-distance sexy time, the more practice you get, the easier it becomes. Since the large majority of your sexuality is in your imagination for a long-distance relationship, you have the opportunity to come up with a number of sexy possibilities. However, even the best chat isn’t as intimate as physical closeness, and you will sometimes wish you had her closer to you.

7. You maximize your sex life as much as you can.

All that extra time apart makes the time you spend together so much more special, so you find ways to squeeze your physical needs in whenever she’s around. But opportunities are limited and often shorter than you’d like them to be, so you’ll really need to get comfortable with spontaneous quickies. Trust me, though. When done correctly, they can be really romantic – it’s all about figuring out what works for the two of you.

8. Your creativity will flourish.

Since you’ve got more time in between dates, you have so much opportunity to make your dates extra special. Each one can be its own unique kind of amazing! And, what’s even better, you have more time to save up for those dates (even though your love really isn’t defined by the money spent). But there is a lot of pressure to keep it 100% all the time, and that can be exhausting after a while, so make sure you’re sharing the responsibilities evenly to avoid burn-out.

9. You have plenty of personal space.

Introverts thrive in long-distance relationships because it allows the relationship to work around their schedule (even if they’ve created that schedule solely to cater to the relationship). Each partner has more time to pursue their hobbies, indulge their passions, and work to make themselves a better person. But there’s also an empty bed to come home to most of the time, which can get lonely sometimes – it takes a strong character to stay faithful and loyal during those periods.

So, is it worth it?

The decision to pursue a long-distance relationship is incredibly personal, and can only really be evaluated by the partners involved. All in all, though, if the hardships you’ll face don’t seem as difficult as passing the time without her in your life, it can definitely be a rewarding experience for the both of you. With enough faith and continued effort, a long-distance relationship isn’t doomed, foolish, or a waste of time – it’s simply another way to get to the end result you want.

What Will Sex Be Like in the Future?

On one hand, sex has stayed the same since the beginning of time – after all, male and female bodies haven’t really changed, so neither has the process of procreating.

On the other hand, sex is changing rapidly all the time thanks to the advent of sex toys, dental dams, lube, and evolving attitudes about sexuality. Ten years ago, Virtual Reality was pure science fiction, Tinder was just a word meaning “kindling for a fire,” and polyamory sounds like a fake Scrabble word.

Recently, Bustle sat down with some sexologists to discuss the future of sex, which could include everything from sex robots to true orgasm equality. Here’s what they found.

VR sex will be a thing.

VR porn is already taking off in popularity, but soon, according to the VR company CroatiaTech.com, people will be able to hook themselves up to machines and simulate long-distance sex. They’ll even be able to feel each other.

Way more people will be using sex toys.

Right now, vibrators, dildos and kegel balls are something we giggle when we talk about – they’re things we’d hesitate to put in any bag that a TSA agent will touch, and something we’d die if our parents knew we had. But the CEO of Unbound theorizes that soon, sex toys will be as normal as a toothbrush.

Polyamory will rise.

According to an O.school sex educator, the percentage of 18- to 24-year-olds who identify as polyamorous is rising every day. She speculates that in 10 years, monogamy won’t necessarily be the default.

Queer will be the new normal.

Historic numbers of millennials are identifying as LGBTQIA, and even as labels that didn’t exist ten years ago. Ten years from now, that percentage will only rise, and sexual fluidity will be far more accepted than it is now.

What do you think will be the future of sex?

How Shakespeare Can Teach You To Pick Up Girls

When it came to being a playboy, Shakespeare was worse than Shane from the L Word.

Hard to believe, right? How can anyone be more of a womanizer than the woman who (spoiler) left her fiancee at the altar because she was afraid of commitment?

It’s summer, which means summer flings. So if you’re looking for tips on how to pick up woman, you should hit pause on the L Word and thumb through a few of his plays. Here’s what you can learn about boning from the Bard.

#1: Never group sext.

In Merry Wives of Windsor, a man named Falstaff finds himself smitten with two married women. Instead of flipping a coin – or bedding someone single – he writes a sexy love letter to each of them, hoping one of them will succumb to his charms.

Yes, a sexy love letter. One. He sends the same letter to both women.

That’s like writing a long, heartfelt text message about how in love you are with a girl, and sending it as a group message to her and her sister.

Does it work out for Falstaff? Not even close. He ends up crying alone in the woods.

The moral of the story? Be at least a little creative with your sexts.

#2: Always choose her.

You probably know Antony and Cleopatra as the most beautiful historical love story ever told. Cleopatra even kills herself with a snake because she can’t bear to be without Antony. That’s dedication.

What you might not know is that Cleopatra was technically Antony’s mistress.

Yes, our beloved Antony was already married when he started bedding Cleopatra. At one point, while Antony is visiting Cleopatra in Egypt, both Antony’s friend Caesar and his wife Fulvia demand that he come back to Rome.

Cleopatra, none too pleased, says, “Call in the messengers. As I am Egypt’s queen/Thou blushest, Antony, and that blood of thine/Is Caesar’s homager. Else so thy cheek pays shame/When shrill-tongued Fulvia scolds.”

In other words: “Go back to Rome if you’re going to be a lil bitch.”

Instead of listening to Cleopatra, Antony says: “Let Rome in Tiber melt and the wide arch/Of the ranged empire fall. Here is my space.”

In other words: “Let Rome burn down. I’m staying here.”

And Cleopatra says, “Oh, zaddy.”

The moral: Next time a girl says that you can leave if you want, assure her that you would rather to set fire to your entire hometown than leave her.

#3: Always take your chance.

Pop quiz: Where should you never hit on a girl?

  1. Her coronation
  2. A funeral
  3. A confessional

Correct answer? Trick question! According to Shakespeare, there’s never a wrong time to make a move.

Let’s take the titular character from Richard III. He hits on a woman called Lady Anne by saying the following:

Anne: And thou unfit for any place but hell.
Richard: Yes, one place else, if you will hear me name it.
Anne: Some dungeon.
Richard: Your bedchamber.

Savage. And here’s how it gets more savage:

  1. Anne is at a funeral.
  2. Anne is at her husband’s funeral.
  3. Anne is at her husband’s funeral because Richard killed her husband.

And it works.

The moral: Never be afraid to go for it.

What love lessons have you learned from Shakespeare?

People Look For Hookups More In Summer, Study Says

Fall is for dates at pumpkin patches. In winter, you need someone to cuddle with. Spring is the season of blossoming love.

But summer? Summer is for sex.

Hey, it’s science.

OKCupid recently released their analysis from a study of 18 million active users. Over the course of years, from 2013 to 2016, they tracked users’ answers to the question, “About how long do you want your next relationship to last?”

Users could answer, “One night,” “A few months to a year,” “Several years,” or even “The rest of my life.”

They found that in April, May and June, there is a 17% increase in people looking for one-night stands, on average. In June alone, 33% more people look for a one-night stand, as compared to the other eleven months.

The inverse is slightly true. From January to March, there is a 2% increase in people looking for longer relationships of “a few months to a year.” The cold is for commitment and cuddling.

But the steep drive toward hookups in June is too dramatic to overlook. Why does it exist? Their data scientists have posited some theories.

  1. People travel more during the summer, and when you’re only in a place for a short period of time, you’ll only want someone while you’re there. You might not find your true love while you’re on a weekend trip to Vegas, but you might find a girl who looks great on your arm.
  2. People wear fewer clothes in the spring and summer, making them more uninhibited. I mean, a one night stand is technically much easier if you only have a bikini to work through, as opposed to a parka.
  3. Now that it’s warm out, people are more likely to venture out of doors and brave public spaces like clubs and pools and sex parties.

Read the rest of the study here, and then start polishing your pickup lines.

How to Get Over Your Study Abroad Girlfriend in 5 Steps

Ah, the city of love. Bright lights. Great food. Beautiful people. Eternal love.

Ah, Paris.

Or Berlin.

Or Johannesburg.

Let’s face it, the city of love is wherever you studied abroad.

Studying abroad is a magical time. You get to live for six months in a foreign country, experiencing only the best of what that city has to offer, namely attractive college students and tourist attractions.

It’s normal to fall in love while you’re abroad. Overseas, it feels like you’re going to live this magical new life forever. But then you return home, and reality sets in. It’s not as easy to have a 5,000-mile long-distance relationship as you thought.

So how can you get over someone you thought was your True Love after it doesn’t work?

1. Accept that sometimes love is just for a season. Some people and experiences are meant to come in and out of your life. The memories are precious. Instead of being frustrated that something has to end, appreciate that it happened.

2. Don’t keep trying. If the long distance makes the romance fizzle out after a few months (or hours) of you being back home, accept that. Don’t keep trying to force it.

3. Don’t ghost her. That said, you don’t have to cut her off completely – just because you get on a plane doesn’t mean the person has to become dead to you. Keep up your friendship.

4. Don’t idealize her. Life after study abroad is hard. You return to exams and reality and a Trump Presidency. It’s tempting to look back on your ex-lover and think, “If I could be with them again, I would be as happy as I was when I studied abroad.” That’s not true. They might remind you of the happiness you had abroad, but they can never replicate that happiness, and trying to force a relationship with them won’t send you back in time.

5. Get back in the game. You’re young and beautiful and smart. You should be out meeting other young and beautiful and smart people. Ask out the cute barista with braces and a butterfly tattoo. Download Tinder, Her and Bumble, and swipe right on people way out of your league. Stay in a bar long past closing. Just put yourself out there and have fun!

And if all else fails, buy a plane ticket somewhere else.

4 Signs Porn Is Damaging Your Relationship with Your Girlfriend

“Why do I watch porn? It’s like, sometimes you want to go out to brunch with friends and all drink mimosas together. And sometimes you just want to have a glass of wine in bed by yourself.” – Maxine, The Carmichael Show.

It seems like just about everyone watches porn. Even straight women love lesbian porn. Like, they love it a lot. But is porn getting in the way of your romantic relationship with your girlfriend? Keep an eye out for the warning signs.

1. You prefer porn instead of your girlfriend.

Why do people like porn? It’s convenient, it’s free, it’s sexy, it’s adventurous and, let’s say, it does the job.

In comparison, sex is messy. Complicated. Dirty. Sometimes unsatisfying. And if you’re not into it, you can’t just switch partners like you would switch a porn video.

So it makes sense that you’d prefer porn sometimes. But if you run to your favorite websites before you run to your girlfriend, that’s going to drive a wedge in the relationship.

2. You want your girlfriend to act like a pornstar.

Pornstars are professionals with perfect, sometimes extremely flexible, bodies. Making porn is their full-time profession – that’s why they’re a star. Your girlfriend, as wonderful as she is, can probably not do all of the things that a pornstar can do.

3. You expect your girlfriend to have sex all the time, anytime.

What’s the best part about porn? Well, it’s free. But what’s the second best part? It’s on-demand. Whenever you’re feeling risqué, there are millions of videos available.

In real life, sex is not nearly as readily available, unless you spend every night at a sex party. Your girlfriend just won’t want to have sex sometimes. Sometimes she’ll be on her period. Sometimes she just won’t be in the mood. If you find yourself resenting her for that, take a step back.

4. You use porn to spite your girlfriend.

When your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex, it’s tempting to load up your laptop instead. And that’s not always bad, as long as she’s okay with you looking at porn. But don’t do this all the time. It sets the precedent that if she won’t give you what you want, you’ll find sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which will just put more distance between you two.

Instead, when your girlfriend isn’t in the mood, talk to her. Do something relaxing like watch TV together. Cook for her. There are 1,000,000 ways to be intimate with someone, and most of them aren’t “sex.”

And talk to your girlfriend about why she isn’t in the mood. Maybe she’s been feeling stressed lately, or maybe she’s been feeling like she can never measure up to the women in the videos.

But remember, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship, porn isn’t all bad. In fact, you and your girlfriend can actually learn a few things from it.

Science Says Women Who Fake It During Sex Are More Likely To Be Unfaithful

According to Dr RM Ellsworth – from the Department of Anthropology, University of Missouri – women who fake an orgasm are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners.

In a study, the research team created a questionnaire and asked 138 women and 121 men currently in a romantic relationship to contribute to it.

They were asked about their sexual activity and whether or not they have cheated in the past.

Results found that the frequency of orgasm in women was not connected to fidelity.

Instead, infidelity was associated with women who frequently lied about experiencing an orgasm.

According to the study:

Faked orgasm was associated with female sexual infidelity and lower male relationship satisfaction.

Overall, results were in greater support of the sire choice signalling hypothesis than the female fidelity hypothesis.

Here’s Why An Open Relationship Is Actually Good For You, According to Science

A lot of people spend their time worrying whether or not their sexual desires and practices fit in with what society deems “normal.”

Well, fret not my friends, because that’s a hot load of garbage.

Some of the allegedly “taboo” sex acts society savagely judges and looks down upon are actually really, really good for your relationships and mental health, and the ones labeled “normal” are the ones that, well, kinda suck.

Most people frown upon polyamory, but little do they know that couples who are in open relationships are way, way happier, and more fulfilled than the naysayers. If honestly and openly dating more than one person at a time is your cup of tea, this pertains to you.

As we all know, one of the secret ingredients to a successful relationship is communication, which is where a lot of traditional couples fall short.

Polyamorous couples have a relationship built on honesty, trust, and obviously, openness, so there is no lying or sneaking around. Unlike cheating monogamous people.

If polyamorous Cindy really hits it off with polyamorous Stacie, she talks about it with her girlfriend, polyamorous Barbie, who is also dating polyamorous Ken at the same time. Barbie is okay with Stacie, Cindy is okay with Todd, and everyone is happy.

And now a new study is backing up this theory.

Researchers at the University of Michigan, analysed different relationships among participants older than age 25. The sample included more than 2,100 people, with about 1,500 individuals in monogamous relationships and around 600 in committed non-monogamous relationships.

The group rated relationship components: satisfaction, commitment, trust, jealousy and passionate love, which is the intense love feeling often described in new relationships.

Researchers found no differences between monogamous and consensual open participants in terms of satisfaction and passionate love.

However, levels of jealousy were lower and trust was higher among those engaged in committed open relationships.

The researchers also tackled the assumption that people in open relationships don’t care about each other enough to be happy in their primary relationship.

The team found that an individual had more satisfaction, trust, commitment and passionate love in their primary mate than in their secondary relationship.

Lead author Dr Terri Conley, an associate professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Michigan; said

On the other hand, people in open relationships were significantly less satisfied and less committed to their relationship than their monogamous counterparts.

Overall, the outcomes for monogamous and consensual non-monogamous participants were the same – indicating no net benefit of one relationship style over another.”


Science Says This Why Kinky Sex Feels So Good

So here’s a thing, it turns out that kinky sex you’ve been having with your bea can do a lot more than get you off — it can actually help relieve stress.

Yep, its official, kinky sex is good for you. A new study conducted by researchers over at Northern Illinois University found that BDSM sex (you know, “50 Shades” style bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) works to increase mindfulness, a hyper awareness and acceptance of the current moment.

When the researchers looked at people engaging in BDSM-style sex, they noticed that they were regularly entering a “flow state” of mindfulness, which is apparently the same mental state athletes get into when they’re “in the zone.”

The study’s lead author, Brad Sagarin, Ph.D., explains:

Flow is an enjoyable and pleasurable state that people get into when they are performing an activity that requires a high level of skill. It’s a state in which the rest of the world kind of fades away and somebody is concentrating very intensely only on what they are doing.”

And guess what else? Kink is waaay more common than you’d expect, with research showing that about half of all people have had some kind of freaky sex at some point, and a whopping 84% saying they’d like a little more kink in their lives.

So, now that we’ve established that kink is awesome and people love it, here’s the real question: Why do people love BDSM so much? What is it about handcuffs, nipple clamps, and even leashes that’s so endearing? Hmmm…

According to a highly informative article on the wild world of BDSM by Broadly, indulging in some kinky Fifty Shades-style sex takes your brain to a magical, otherworldly, pleasure-induced place called “subspace.”

If you’ve ever had kinky sex, you already know what this subspace feels like, and you know that it’s goddamn amazing. But in case you haven’t, it’s a “floaty” or “high” feeling that comes from the huge rush of endorphins that floods your body, courtesy of the sheer pleasure of living out your freakiest fantasies.

Professional dominatrix Maitresse Madeline Marlowe told Broadly.

For all of us, endorphins bind to opiate receptors to naturally relieve pain. Since BDSM play can include power exchange and masochistic acts, endorphins are one of the most common neurotransmitters [produced].”

BDSM play sometimes hurts, but in conjunction with something that feels as amazing as sex, that pain turns into pleasure. Besides, you know what they say: pleasure is the child of pain.

Science of BDSM researcher Kathryn Klement also told Broadly.

Like many potentially stressful or extreme experiences (e.g., sky-diving, fire-walking), individuals’ bodies react to that stress when they engage in BDSM.

We interpret these cortisol results to mean that when people engage in BDSM play (as the receiver of sensations) or extreme rituals, their bodies release a hormone usually associated with stress. However, we’ve also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving.”

In layman’s terms, kinky sex is physically stressful, and your body freaks out a little, which cause your adrenals to release the stress hormone, cortisol, to compensate.

Normally, stressful situations where cortisol floods your body puts you into “fight or flight” mode, which is what happens if you were about get attacked by a pit bull or something.

As you might guess, this stress response is very useful, but doesn’t feel very good, considering your brain automatically thinks you’re in serious danger.

With BDSM, however, you still get that same stress response physically, but your psychological stress decreases, so what you’re left with is a delicious, feel-good cocktail of endorphins, all without your brain telling you you’re about to die. This is what makes you feel floaty and downright wonderful. Sounds good, huh?

And to think you were wasting all of your money on yoga, meditation classes and herbal tea, when really, all you needed was some good, adventurous lovemaking to relieve your stress.

‘What’s In Your Box?’ Subscription Service Helps Women Have Better Sex

Vaginas are awesome.

But even though vaginas are so awesome, people who have them aren’t taught to be proud of them. Women, non/abinary people and trans* men who have vaginas are taught from a young age to hide them.

Just think back to your elementary school textbooks – how many dicks were drawn on the pages? Probably a lot. But if you’d tried to draw a vagina, you would have been hauled to the principal’s office for obscenity.

Penises indicate strength, while vaginas indicate weakness – being called a p*ssy is an insult. And let’s not start with the double-standard between men and women regarding sexual promiscuity.

The new subscription service What’s In Your Box? is changing all of that. According to the official website, this monthly subscription box is “a social movement opening the dialogue around women’s sexual health to empower all women to explore their bodies freely without stigma or shame.”

A new box arrives at your doorstep each month. Each box includes five product samples that cater to sexual health, pleasure, hygiene, education and pride.


Christine Long founded the company when she became frustrated as a young woman in her twenties. She says,

I was inspired to start WIYB after my own personal run-in with STIs, which caused me to feel a lot of shame around my body and sexuality. As a young woman in her 20s wanting to explore sex, I felt there were no reliable brands or resources I could turn to that would help me take charge of my sexual health.”

WYIB aims to be affordable so as not to cater to just one demographic. Subscriptions start at $15 a month for a 3-month plan and go up to $18 for a month-to-month plan, although the contents of each box are worth up to $50.

So what can you expect to find in your surprise box? Each includes toys, washes, lubricants, condoms, dental dams, lingerie, stickers, diagrams, and more.

Get your own box for your box at the official site.

Why You Deserve A Professional Lesbian Massage (and How to Get One)

There’s nothing like a nice, relaxing massage. After all, being queer is hard work – we’ve got endless flannel shirts to wash and carabiners to organize – and having someone else massage the stress away feels incredible. The right massage can erase years of tension with a little baby oil.

Massages just got better. And a whole lot sexier.

Lesbian tantra massages are an ancient practice that dates back to the year 400 A.D., according to tantric masseuse Erica, who runs Karma Tantric in the UK. Tantric massage is the “ritual by which you liberate or separate two aspects of consciousness and female divine body.” It “stimulates total undoubted release of the body and mind between a female masseuse and her female client.”

If you’re new to tantric massage, it’s not for kids. Tantric massages view sexuality as just an extension of the relaxation process.

Masseuses are just as likely to rub between your shoulder blades as they are to rub between your legs. They’re popular among couples who want to bring spirituality and intimacy into their sex lives, because it’s said to promote spiritual bonding.

Tantric lesbian massages are even better than heterosexual ones. One of Erica’s clients called it “a session of feminine discovery and erotic pleasure in authentic magical tantric energy.” A little over the top? Maybe. Hot? Definitely.

You don’t have to be a lesbian to enjoy this. Many of her clients identify as straight women who just prefer to get erotic arousal and spiritual bonding from female hands.

Even if you’re interested, you might feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of a stranger’s hands all over (and potentially in) your body. Erica says that if you’re interested at all, “it’s safe to say there’s a subconscious interest there. We very rarely dislike the things we crave passionately, after all, if you like the idea of it, you will probably love the real physical and erotically enchanting touch of another female.”

Read the rest of Erica’s interview here and search for a lesbian tantric massage near you.

Why Faking Orgasms Is Hurting Your Relationship

At some point or another, we’ve all faked it in bed.

We’ve faked moans, we’ve faked intensity or maybe we’ve faked the entire orgasm. After all, we don’t want to hurt our partners’ feelings, and making them think that they’re amazing in bed is the best way to spare them. Right? (Wrong.)

According to YourTango, here are the most common reasons queer women fake orgasms:

  • “I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
  • “I don’t really like what she’s doing, but I don’t know how (or am too shy) to tell her or show her what I do like.”
  • “I’m ready to stop having sex, but she’ll feel bad if she knows I didn’t come.”
  • “I want her to like me and think I’m hot.”
  • “She’s doing all the right things, so I should be turned on. There must be something wrong with me (and I don’t want her to find out.)”
  • “She’s been working so hard down there, I think she must be tired. I need to fake it to take care of her.”
  • “I feel insecure about how long it takes me to come.”
  • “I really didn’t feel like having sex right now in the first place.”
  • “I’m not really attracted to her, but I thought maybe it would feel different once we got into bed!”

But think about it. Would you like it if you found out that your partner had been faking it? How would you feel? Probably a little disappointed in them and yourself, and maybe even a bit humiliated. If they had just told you what you were doing wrong, you would have fixed it! After all, sex should be about the pleasure of both people.

Give your partner the same courtesy.

If something just isn’t working, let them know. I know it’s nerve-wracking to be vulnerable. How do you say, “I like you but I don’t like what you’re doing,” when they’ve already seen the most intimate parts of you?

If you’re just not into sex at all that day, then it’s especially hard to communicate, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not really in the mood anymore.” It might seem easier to just fake it and get it over with.

But if you’re not honest with your partner, your intimacy will suffer. The longer you go without telling them what you want in bed, the more difficult it will become – how do you explain after two years that they’ve never actually made you come?

Being honest, and encouraging honesty in your partner, is the first step to true intimacy.

Now how do you actually go about doing it? Check out Conscious Girlfriend for more information.