Sometimes, when we want to be with our girlfriend the most, we just can’t find ourselves in the same place. Whether it’s physical distance or unfortunate circumstances keeping you apart (don’t you hate when the girl you love is in love with someone else?), this playlist is sure to help soothe the pain of being alone. Let us know in the comments if there’s another song you think we should add!
Perfect – Doria Roberts
Doria Roberts has one of those soothing, soulful voices that helps to remind you of everything you love. The aptly-named “Perfect” tells a beautiful tale of the love that she has for her partner, which is likely to be the same love that you feel for yours.
Love And Affection – Joan Armatrading
While Joan has never come out as a lesbian, this song has been a favorite among lesbians since the ‘70s for its ambiguous and sexy feel. This is sure to bring some happy memories of when you and your girlfriend first started awkwardly flirting with one another (and it’s just as sure to be stuck in your head for the rest of the week).
Bring Me Some Water – Melissa Etheridge
If you’re missing your girlfriend because she’s in the arms of another, Melissa Etheridge’s powerful tune can help your misery find a little company. While I don’t advise you listen to this if your relationship is actually in a rocky place, but it can soothe your heart from the pain of her wandering eye.
Come Over Here – Sarah Bettens
Missing the lady who hasn’t come out yet? “Come Over Here” is one woman’s urging for her lover to take the plunge. If you and your lady are having a hard time being with each other due to disapproving family members, this song can help remind you that everything’s going to be all right someday.
Constant Craving – k.d. Lang
If you believe in soul mates, it can be reassuring to know that you’ll find each other again in the end. “Constant Craving” embodies your feelings for the woman who holds a part of your soul – whether intentionally or not. This song offers reassurance that your love will last, despite the odds. (And besides – who doesn’t love k.d.’s mind-blowing voice?)
Sweet Woman – Cris Williamson
If you’re more of a fan of the oldies, Cris Williamson’s supercharged tune about being in love with a woman will take you back to the good old days. Back in a time when it was risky to confess your feelings for a woman, Cris bravely announced her love for another and captivated our hearts. (Seriously, if you haven’t heard this song, listen to it – it’s beautiful.)
Our Purpose Here – Ferron
Another older tune, Ferron tells of missing her lover when she travels – something many of us have felt from time to time. Whether you’ve let your lover go or still let her hold your heart, this song might intensify the longing – be warned!
Sweet Darlin’ Woman – Meg Christian
Another song full of passion for women, Meg Christian sings of the “sweet darlin’ woman” she loves – and she’s sure to remind you of the woman you love. Although Christian has officially retired from the music scene, her voice still captivates listeners worldwide.
She’s So Lovely – The Butchies
What if you’re looking for something that’s just a little grungy? The Butchies deliver a strikingly rocking love song with “She’s So Lovely”. Although the screamed lyrics are a little tough to make out, lines such as “grab my hand baby I just want to talk/she’s so lovely, yeah” help bring the innocence to rock. Sweet melodies cranked out by powerful voices, The Butchies might just be your new favorites!
Will You Be There – God-des and She
For those who want more urban-sounding love songs, God-des and She helps put into words the desire for your lover to stay by your side, always. The vocals are beautiful, and the lyrics are just right when your relationship is in that awkward “will we make it through this?” confusion. (Pro tip: You will, if you both put forth the effort.)
Closer – Tegan and Sara
We couldn’t have a list of lesbian songs without including Tegan and Sara, of course – and this song helps to fill the void that exists between you and your partner, whether it’s emotional or physical distance. It’s peppy enough to dance to, yet sensual enough to get intimate to. What more could you want?
What songs did we miss?
If you have any other song suggestions for us, leave them in the comments – we’d love to take a listen!
I’m not sure about you, but… I knew I was into girls way before I was ready to admit it to anyone else. There were so many signs that I saw in myself and I wrote off as one thing or another. Whether you knew and didn’t come out, or you didn’t know until everyone knew, this list is sure to bring back some vivid memories – or maybe even inspire some type of feelings within you.
How many of these songs just screamed, “Yep, definitely gay!”?
Britney Spears – I’m a Slave 4 U
For the most part, I’ve never been too much of a Britney fan, but this song is a stark exception. It’s got a similar sort of video-vibe that Dirrty had, but it’s a little less overt about it. Plus, who can honestly say that they’ve never had a thing for bellydancers?
Ciara – Like A Boy
The subtle connections to lesbian aesthetics are suddenly much less subtle. We’ve all dated someone who dressed like one of the Ciaras in this video – whether it’s the ballgown Ciara or the snapback-and-wifebeater Ciara. Admit it – and then admit you want to watch it again! (And please try to get past the part where she assigns unnecessary gender to things. It’s 2016, and we’ve moved past it, but this video came out in 2007, so we’ll forgive her.)
The Veronicas – Take Me On the Floor
I think one of the first signs that I couldn’t hide the gay anymore was when “4ever” came out, and I immediately assumed that the two were lovers, instead of twins. (I know, I know, it’s creepy, but they didn’t have their hair the same back then, and I was apparently blind.) But this song even implicitly gives the idea that the beautiful Jess would be into kissing a girl… And I’m okay with that.
Aaliyah – Try Again
Aaliyah was a singer in a league of her own, and that sexy way she moved in every little crop top and tight leather pants… Maybe that’s why it’s become such a big aesthetic among millennial lesbians these days. Okay, maybe we don’t do tight leather pants, but sports bras and sweatpants? I can get on board with that one every single day, and if you inject some glam into it, too, you’re channeling some Aaliyah – and I don’t think anyone is going to complain about that.
Shakira – Whenever, Wherever
I have to admit… Shakira is one of my biggest straight-girl crushes. She’s always showing off her midriff, which I really enjoy. Plus, she’s also super petite (I think she’s under 5 feet tall!) which I also seriously like in a woman. And, she’s got the confidence for a line like “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble” – so I’m pretty sure she’d never shame me for my flat chest. Score.
t.A.T.u – Show Me Love
Okay, so it’s not the t.A.T.u song that most people associate with being gay – but bear with me if you haven’t seen this one yet. There are literally hundreds of girls in short plaid skirts, button-up shirts, and ties. Thousands, even, maybe. (I never actually counted the girls.) And they’re marching like they’re actually proud of demanding love… Hey, how does that sound familiar?
Mya – My Love is Like Wo
Long before Janelle Monae pulled off the suit thing, Mya made it happen with My Love is Like Wo… And whoa is right. This song pretty much embodied every chance that we had of Mya being gay, and although I’m pretty sure she’s actually not, she’s definitely a master of multiple disguises. Just try and see if you can watch the video and not find a single outfit you don’t find is sexy. Go ahead –I’ll wait.
Hayley Kiyoko – Girls Like Girls
Okay, this one is significantly newer than many of the other songs on this list, but if you watch this video and don’t think a) these two should kiss already; b) her boyfriend is a complete dick, and c) she deserves to be treated so much better, then I really don’t know what to tell you. This song embodies pretty much every inner emotion that most of us felt when we were working to come out. (And PS, there is a happy ending – so yay!)
Christina Aguilera – Dirrty
Personally, Dirrty was one of my least favorite Christina Aguilera albums… But this video doesn’t even try to deny what it’s about, and it definitely gets the intended response. Christina Aguilera has always been a huge crush of mine, and this was definitely one of the songs that opened my eyes to that.
Aaliyah – Are You That Somebody
Oh, here’s the sports bra and sweat pants. Yep, that explains it. She’s often been regarded as one the most beautiful women who ever lived, and it’s not hard to see why. She managed to ooze sensuality everywhere she went, without being vulgar or explicit about it – how can you go wrong?
Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya, Pink – Lady Marmalade
Does this one even need any words? Probably not, but just in case… This is the song that single-handedly taught an entire generation that voulez-vous coucher avec moi was the only French you’d ever need to learn to get some action.
Beyonce, Shakira – Beautiful Liar
Between these two undeniably-gorgeous women, their perfectly-synchronized gyrating, and the story that we’ve all found ourselves in at least once (whether with a man or with a woman), this is a power anthem that will also help bring sexy back. Too bad it doesn’t work out like that for us normal people.
Latch – Disclosure
This video involves literally getting up the courage to go kiss a girl at a party – how many of us have been there before? Sure, there are straight couples at this party, but let’s be honest: You weren’t paying attention to them, and neither was I.
Shakira – Can’t Remember to Forget You
Again Shakira is in a video that we know is super queer-bait-y, but we just can’t resist… This is the stuff dreams are made of. If you have ever wanted to know what your Shakira-and-Rihanna fantasies would look like if they actually played out, this is it.
Stenberg – who plays Rue in the adventure film franchise – says she feels like she’s not a ‘woman’ all the time, and non-binary is a term that she feels comfortable using to describe herself. (She is using female pronouns).
Writing on Tumblr, she said she is organizing a workshop on feminism, specifically how ‘mainstream feminist movements have continuously excluded women who are not white, thin, cisgender, able-bodied and neurotypical’.
Something we are struggling with is understanding the intersection of feminism and gender identity…
We’re both people who don’t feel like “women” all the time – but we claim feminism as our movement.
Basically, we’re trying to understand the duality of being a non-binary person and a feminist. How do you claim a movement for women when you don’t always feel like one?”
She heard from a variety of experiences, with one who said they feel the oppression of a gendered society even if they do not necessarily identify as a woman.
Even if you don’t feel 100% “female”, even if you never did feel 100% “female”, the world begins treating you as “female” from a very young age and that is always, no matter how you end up defining yourself, going to have shaped your life experience,’ one fan said.
As someone who identifies as a black, bisexual woman I’ve been through it, and it hurts, and it’s awkward and it’s uncomfortable…but then I realized because of Solange and Ava DuVernay and Willow and all the black girls watching this right now, that there’s absolutely nothing to change.”
Ellen Page has spoken numerous times about how much happier she is now that she’s come out of the closest as a gay woman, but in a new interview reveals just how bad things were when she was still inside.
When you’re on that track you’re a racehorse, going and going with these blinders on. You don’t stop to address how you feel.
I’d get panic attacks and sense an incredible discomfort because I didn’t relate to the conformity that comes with my gender [such as wearing feminine dresses on shoots].
I was doing something I love and also wondering, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ You hate yourself for feeling bad, so you pretend you’re happy.
I’d ask myself, ‘Can’t you just flip a switch, be a character, play the game?’”
Page says she has now much more relaxed since coming out.
I do interviews [now] with a sense of, ‘Oh, this is what it’s like’. A photo shoot used to only represent discomfort, I felt guilty for lying. Fashion once meant dresses and heels, and I didn’t know why I’d want to be dressed that way.”
Earlier this month, the actor turned LGBT advocate urged fellow Hollywood stars who may be in the closetto be honest about their sexual orientation.
Page –who recently finished filming a new documentary exploring homophobia around the world– said she hopes that one day “coming out” is no longer an issue.
Puerto Rican singer, Kany Garcia, came out over the weekend, announcing she is in a relationship with her personal trainer, Jocelyn Troche.
In a note posted to Instagram in spainsh, the singer said
What a perfect time to open my heart and show who I really am, on the weekend of lovers (Valentine’s Day). Love always wins, always sets one free and always transforms. Today I want to put my fears aside and face my truth. That is how I share with you this very special photo with this extraordinary woman who has stolen my heart.”
The singer-songwriter, who is also a winner of two Latin Grammys also added.
“… what is good is not to be hidden but to be shared. Because if anything is not sinful it is love and because at the end of the road I want to face myself and embrace myself, knowing that in my life I was always faithful to myself.”
That is how I share my abundance with you. When one speaks with love and with truth, only good things can happen.”
The announcement won messages of support, including one from the leader of Puerto Rico’s gay community, Pedro Julio Serrano, and fellow artist Ricky Martin, among many others.
Todo mi cariño para ti @kanygarcia. Celebro tu libertad. Gracias por tu honestidad. Que viva el amor! #lgbt
In the new show, Rios, will play Alice Calderon, a tough, rookie LA police officer – ‘who grew up in the streets of South Central, LA, in the neighborhood that she patrols. She has to balance the tough situation of policing a community she grew up in, and deal with the ramifications, and the attitudes and tactics of the police force she works for.’
Rios made her acting debut in double Sundance award-winner Quinceanera. Known for her work on Breaking Bad as Andrea Cantillo, her other TV credits include The Bridge and a recurring role this season on True Detective. She can also be seen in indie feature Paint It Black, directed by Amber Tamblyn.
In 2014, she publical came out, saying that being a Latina and coming out to her family was not an issue.
Mexican-Americans especially — because this generation, we come into America, and your family wants to be proud,” Rios said. “My mom didn’t want me to live a difficult life. She brought me here for a better one, so she’s like, ‘You’re coming out … I want you to be comfortable.’”
Perhaps there was a time when Valentine’s Day was actually kind of nice.
But today you’d be hard-pressed to find even the most romantic lesbian couple muster up the enthusiasm for what is essentially a mid-winter marketing ploy.
Now its all about the single status. The freedom. The entertainment. The women.
Sexuality is fluid, and so should the rest of our lives. So here are my top reasons for why now is the best time to be a single lesbian.
Careers are cool
We’re a generation of disruptors, problem-solvers, and self-starters, all of which is made us more difficult when you have to balance work with a relationship. Being single allows us the time and freedom to pursue careers we actually want.
Travel is easier than ever
Which means you can meet other singles from literally every corner of the world. This surely increases the odds of finding your actual soul mate.
Say what you want about swipe apps and hook-up culture – they are as great or awful. Nothing wrong with having more options to meet people.
No one judges you
Similar to the point above, “settling down” isn’t the goal of life anymore. It’s becoming more common to assume people are single by choice, not circumstance.
You’re not a spinster by 22
The societal pressure on women to get married and have kids has eased significantly even since our parents’ generation. Be single longer, have fun,
We first wrote about Full Out, the new web series from King Is a Fink and Open TV, earlier this month.
Starring Jess Duffy as Claire, a woman who has recovered from an injury that threatened to end her career, the show’s lead is now looking to take back her place in the limelight.
However, Claire is also hiding the fact that she’s gay, and being out could be just as detrimental to her career as her busted ankle.
Joining Claire in this cast of characters is fellow dancer, the loud, out and proud Taylor, Claire’s girlfriend Max, the competitive Kayla, and Xan, the autocratic and homophobic woman in charge of the dance company.
But, despite Full Out drawing you in with Claire’s relatable struggle with staying closeted and the way it teases the simmering tension, the flickers of something happening between Taylor and Claire, the series does manage to be a lot more than that a couple of recognisable tropes.
While it’s difficult to describe this without being incredibly spoilerific, Full Out, the show is as much about the hopes and dreams of these dancers as much as it is about shipping and disliking Xan and her miserable assistant.
Over everything, it feeds you a compelling story about a competitive world and the difficulties its inhabitants face, put up with and overcome. Whether they do wrong or right the characters are wonderfully written and for the most part, you can understand them.
Much of that can probably chalked down to some fabulous performances from the cast. While the sometimes shaky camerawork and some dodgy audio editing do a disservice to their talents, Full Out is one of the best acted web series around.
Admittedly, many web series come off seeming amateurish due to the fact that many of its actors are actually amateurs but you’ll find no lacklustre performances here.
Nana Visitor is a particular standout as, despite Xan’s all-round awfulness, the character’s manipulative ways are still brilliant to watch and you can almost see the cogs turning as she builds her dancers up and breaks them down. Full Out’s dance sequences are good fun too and the show is all the better for King is a Fink’s decision to get local Chicago dance talent in on the production.
However, I do feel that the five episode show (episodes are between 10 and 20 minutes long) could have benefited from another episode or two.
It’s unclear whether the production team is holding back because of second season plans but there are a few cases of things being set up only to offer disappointing conclusions.
For example, in one scene Xan admits to encouraging Claire to take pills (by having snuck them into Claire’s belongings) and it’s brushed off despite just how serious that is. In another scene, a heartfelt conversation between Max and Claire is too brief and we miss out on the opportunity to learn a little more about their dynamic.
So no, Full Out isn’t perfect, but its shortcomings don’t massively detract from everything else that’s going on and it’s still a web series worthy of your time.
In the short interview, a younger couple – Niki and Kelsie – ask a series of questions to an older lesbian couple – Robin and Madonna – about what it’s like to be in a long term monogamous relationship in the gay community.
Robin and Madonna – who have been dating for over 12 years – share a range of advice, from how to stay faithful, to what it was like to go through the menopause together.
The two couples also discuss what it was like to be out and gay in the 70s and 80s when most people were still in the closet.
Asked how they met other gay people, Madonna replies:
For me it was a different trajectory, it was more, find each other in the bars, playing softball. There is a reason we have stereotype’s – we played softball.”
The couple also take the opportunity to poke fun at the cat loving lesbian stereotype.
While 2015 was a standout year for LGBTQ+ representation in the media, early 2016 is shaping up to be fantastic too. In just a few weeks, our favourite queer TV shows, The 100, Jane The Virgin, How to Get Away With Murder and Broad City will all be back with fresh new content, while DC Comics show Legends of Tomorrow also debuts.
But as we say around these parts, you can never have too much queer content, so why not add another show to your list?
The show in question is Full Out, an upcoming web series about a ballet dancer named Claire (played by Jess Duffy) who returns to centre stage for “one final leap at the spotlight” following a “devastating injury”.
As if the challenge of recovering from an injury wasn’t enough (and she has just six weeks to make her comeback, too), there’s also the fact that Claire is in the closet.
While being out doesn’t appear to be a problem for fellow dancer Taylor (played by Kaitlin Webster), power hungry ballet boss Xan (played by Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’s Nana Visitor) tells Claire that “people love a car accident, I’m just not sure they’re gonna show up for a gay car accident”.
The protective nature of Max (played by Carmilla’s Kaitlyn Alexander) is also described as an “obstacle” for Claire, so the dancer really doesn’t have it easy.
With Full Out promising “a story of ambition, manipulation, betrayal, and self-discovery” and also starring a cast of local Chicago dance talent, it’s quite difficult to show all of that in the series’ two minute trailer.
That said, it’s easy to trust that the series will be great given that King is a Fink (the production team behind other fab web series Plus One, #Hashtag and Rent Controlled) are also behind Full Out.
The first episode of Full Out is set to debut on January 27 on OpenTV, a video platform which is “open to artists who identify as queer, trans, and cis-women and persons of color” and “diverse communities left out of mainstream film and television production”.
I cannot stress enough how important representation is, so the concept that I can provide for other black girls is mind-blowing. It’s a really really hard thing to be silenced, and it’s deeply bruising to fight against your identity and just mold yourself into shapes that you just shouldn’t be in,”
As someone who identifies as a black bisexual woman, I’ve been through it, and it hurts and it’s awkward and it’s uncomfortable. But then I realized, because of Solange and Ava Duvernay and Willow [Smith] and all the black girls watching this right now, there’s absolutely nothing but change. We cannot be suppressed. We are meant to express our joy and our love and our tears, to be big and bold and definitely not easy to swallow. I definitely believe in the concept of rebellion through selfhood, and rebellion through embracing your true identity, no matter what you’re being told. Here I am, being myself, and it’s hard and vulnerable, and it’s definitely a process, but I’m learning and growing. Thank you for supporting me and doing this, and thank you to Teen Vogue. This is just the beginning, though; we have a lot of work to do for all women of color. We need more representation in film and television. We need our voices to be louder in the media. And not just women of color—bisexual women, gay women, transgender women, mentally ill women. I’m sick of all the misogyny and homophobia and transphobia that I see around me, and I know you are too. Thank you for listening and goodnight.”
This is especially powerful coming from someone so young (17!). There are still so few public figures that are both black women and out, and Amandla talking about intersectionality is certainly something to be celebrated. Young women that are fans of her work will be inspired by her words and actions, just as we are today.
I think that as a black girl you grow up internalizing all these messages that say you shouldn’t accept your hair or your skin tone or your natural features, or that you shouldn’t have a voice, or that you aren’t smart,” Amandla told Teen Vogue. “I feel like the only way to fight that is to just be yourself on the most genuine level and to connect with other black girls who are awakening and realizing that they’ve been trying to conform.”
Next up for Amandla, the film As You Are, where she plays a young girl whose friendship group is the focus of a police investigation in the early 1990s.
Talking to the Huffington post whilst promoting her latest film, The Fifth Wave, actress Chloë Grace Moretz opened up about subject of family and LGBT equality.
I feel like we put so many labels on so many things in our society. And my big issue is not just the fact that people are against LGBT [but] it’s the fact that we’d have to come out and say who we’re interested in. There should never even be a question…It doesn’t matter! It’s not an issue! Why are we even living in a society where we have to answer those questions? That’s a question that shouldn’t be asked!”
She also explained how the treatment of LGBT people has confused her from a young age.
Definitely in the beginning it was a confusion on my part as to why anyone even cared. That was kind of my big thing as a kid, i was kind of like, ‘well why do they even care who they find is cute. The way my family has always been is no matter what it is, whether you’re gay, you don’t like a sport, whatever it is, we stick up for one another. So I immediately started filling that role from a really young age because I was on a platform to where people would listen to me and they would hear what I was saying.
So I could defend them on an even larger scale, by promoting it in magazines and interviews and speaking about it on social media and just trying to promote equality.”
This is not the first time the actress has talked about her relationship with her two gay brothers and her strong pro LGBT beliefs.
With as many celebrities have been turning up lately and saying they’re gay, bisexual, or they “refuse to label themselves”, it has our little lady-loving hearts all aflutter. There are lesbians and bisexual women and genderfluid women all over Hollywood now and I personally am loving it.
Many of my celebrity crushes have already come out as Celesbians in the past few years and I get downright giddy every time I hear about a new one. But there are still a few women left who we would love to come out of the closet in 2016 – here’s our list of the top 12!
There is something about Zooey Deschanel that has completely captured my heart ever since the first thing I saw her in. She’s goofy and cute and bubbly and that makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Sadly, I know she’s not a lesbian – but I wish she’d give us a little glimmer of hope and hint at bisexuality!
Idina Menzel came crashing into everyone’s hearts with the release of Disney’s “Frozen”, and she holds a special place for lesbians. After all, she plays a character who doesn’t really seem interested in guys, right? Like, we could all picture Elsa being gay – and you know how bad lesbians want the actors who play lesbian characters to be… Well, lesbians. Right? Well, I’m not sure if Idina (or Elsa) really loves ladies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t dream about it.
If you aren’t familiar with Indira Varma, she’s one of the actresses on Game of Thrones. She’s been in a lot of other things, too, but she’s most recognized as Ellaria Sand. She’s got everything we want in a celesbian: gorgeous looks, a propensity to play the “badass” female character, and even a sexy voice. All that’s missing is a confession of lady loving!
Ah, Janet Jackson… Making ladies swoon since, well, forever ago. We’re pretty certain that she’s never going to come out, but she’s another one that’s fun to think about. Tell me who hasn’t fantasized about her at least once!
J-Lo is another one of those celebrities that you just know is definitely not gay – but you hold out hope that maybe someday she’ll say she’s “always been interested in girls, but had to keep it a secret”. Hey, she’ll always be welcome as one of us – even if she’s straight.
Emma Watson may have started off as the nerdiest in the Harry Potter trio, but she has warmed our hearts by growing into the most incredible young woman. Not only is she a superb actress with an adorable smile, she’s also a great role model for girls everywhere – and she could be a lesbian hero (if it turned out she was a lesbian!).
We all know I’m a big softie for musicians, and Zoe Kravitz is no exception. She’s gorgeous and talented, and even a multi-tasker: Not only does she act and model, she also creates wonderful music. On top of that, she’s insanely sexy – giving lesbians everywhere something to dream about.
Playing a lesbian character will, of course, make you stand out as a lesbian icon. (Obviously – lesbians love other lesbians, even on TV and in books.) Truth be told, she’s not my favorite Pretty Little Liars star, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t love to hear her come out. Probably not going to happen – but we can dream!
Of course Lena Headey would make this list too. Many lesbians fell in love with her back when Imagine Me & You came out (myself included), but her interest has been renewed as she plays the character Cersei on Game of Thrones. She’s still just as sexy as ever, but sadly married to a man – sorry ladies!
Okay, this is going to make me sound a little lame, but… I was crushing on Olivia Munn before it was cool. I fell in love with her when she was on Attack of the Show! – but she captured the mainstream attention with her role as Sloan on The Newsroom. She actually speaks Japanese and is a total nerd in real life – something that makes her both relatable and badass, all at the same time.
Rosario Dawson should go without introduction. She’s the star of Rent and Clerks II (okay, maybe not the star, but she’s got pretty prominent roles in both). She’s always a bit on the tough side, with a soft inner core – definitely something most of us gravitate towards. We’ll welcome you with open arms if you decide to come out, Rosario!
Jennifer Lawrence has made quite a name for herself in her short time in the spot light, and she’s a face that’s not going to go anywhere, either. Between The Hunger Games series and Silver Linings Playbook, I can’t decide what to like about her more – and I would definitely be OK with her coming out!
Of course this list is just for entertainment, and it’s not really a good idea to make speculations about people’s sexuality. If you have a name to add to our list, drop it in the comments with a quick explanation why!
Tennis superstar Martina Navratilova recently wrote a piece for Sports Illustrated. In it she says the “watershed” moment for gay people in sport has been reached – and she’s hoping for an avalanche.
We’ve come a long way. In the 1980s I knew an NHL coach who was convinced there were no gay hockey players. Ever. Certainly not on his teams. Why? “This is a macho sport,” he said. Remember Reggie White? In the ’90s, the Packers star appeared in a newspaper advertising campaign to persuade gays and lesbians that they could “cease” their homosexuality. The NFL responded with … a lot of silence.
On her own coming out, she adds
When I came out, in 1981, I didn’t have much public support and I know I lost endorsements. But I never had to worry about losing my job. In tennis, there are no bosses, no general managers and no coaches who can keep players from competing. So I was safe in that regard. For team sports athletes, this is not the case.
A homophobic coach at any level — high school, college or pros — could keep a player from playing. Remember Rene Portland, the women’s basketball coach at Penn State? She proudly boasted she would not allow a lesbian on her team. In the past, that kind of homophobia would have had support from the front office. Why come out when — apart from dealing with all the other complications — it could kill your sports career!”
But the game is changing, more and more stars are choosing to come out, from rugby’s Gareth Thomas to football’s Casey Stoney, support from straight and gay allies is helping to pave the way for sporting to be more inclusive.
But the times changed. Boy, did they ever change.
As Navratilova encourages:
Any revolution starts with a small step. As I see it, this one started with Vikings punter Chris Kluwe and his R-rated (but darn smart and funny) editorial on Deadspin last year. That was a catalyst because it then became clear: Straight players were standing in support of gays in general — and their gay teammates, whoever they might be.
Those gay athletes might have been deeply closeted, but there was unspoken acknowledgement: We know you exist. Kluwe wasn’t shunned or ridiculed for his stance. The tables turned. It was the homophobes who were left standing in the cold, scorned and criticized by fans and the media. How is that for a turnaround in, relatively speaking, a very short time?
She also highlights basketball star Jason Collins for his coming out and how he has paved the way for future generations in sport.
He is the proverbial game-changer. One of the last bastions of homophobia has been challenged. Collins’ action will save lives. This is no exaggeration: Fully one third of suicides among teenagers occur because of their sexuality.”
In 2013, the Brooklyn Nets player was the first active male athlete to come out. Since retiring, Collins has dedicated much of his time to campaigning on LGBT issues in sport.
Now that Collins has led this watershed moment, I think — and hope — there will be an avalanche. Come out, come out wherever and whoever you are. It is beautiful out here and I guarantee you this: You will never, ever want to go back. You will only wonder why it took so long.”
Now, in 2015, actor, writer and musician Carrie Brownstein has legions of queer fans. Not only is the performer out herself, but she also features in new movie Carol (which stars Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara in a May-December relationship), and is also set to star in Transparent season two (as Ali Pfefferman’s best friend, Syd).
But Brownstein didn’t exactly have the easiest path to being out as although other big names such as Ellen Page, Amber Heard, and Evan Rachel Wood all came out of their own accord, the performer was actually outed.
In 1996, just as her band Sleater-Kinney was becoming more famous, the band was featured in an issue of Spin magazine. While this would be exciting for any up and coming musician, not long after the issue was published, Brownstein got a phone call from her father saying that the publication had revealed that Brownstein and bandmate Corin Tucker had dated.
Speaking to SheWired about the debacle, Brownstein explains that neither her nor Tucker had told their parents or families and that the outing left her feeling “splintered and smashed”. Moreover:
I didn’t think or know if I was gay; dating Corin was just something that had happened. I had not yet figured out who I was, and now I was robbed of the opportunity to publicly do so; to be in flux.
From that point on, any denial or rescinding would seem like backpedaling or shame to a group of people whom I didn’t want to alienate. Yet I felt it was unfair to be labeled when I had yet to find a label for myself, and when binary, fixed identities held no meaning or safety for me.”
Brownstein also tells the publication that although she sees the importance in visibility and feels that it’s “corrosive to be hidden”, she doesn’t think that “anybody ‘owes’ anything.”. This sort of terminology is “dangerous” says Brownstein, and “we need to change the conversation from ‘Do you owe me this?’ to ‘Are you living your best self?’”
Moreover, Brownstein is outspoken about the way that the media discusses out celebrities as well.
She is “unashamed of the identifier ‘queer,'” but, Brownstein asks, “I don’t know if that is the best description of Portlandia or the best description of Sleater-Kinney or the best description of [Brownstein’s new book ‘Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl’]”.
Rather, she challenges the media to come up with “more sophisticated, nuanced of ways of writing and critiquing” her work.
They knew already. So I didn’t need to. I’ve never come out to anyone. My friends always knew and I always knew,”
The musician and model went on to explain that she does not identify with a particular gender, adding:
I don’t believe in any specifications. I think forever I was trying to figure out maybe – what I am. But I don’t think anyone should feel pressured to have any kind of label or tag on them.
We should treat everybody the same. Me, I don’t like to be put down to a specific thing. We’re all human beings.”
Sumner also discussed her insecurities, saying she had struggled with everything from “sexuality, to the way I looked, to who I was, where I come from.”
She also admitted to feeling added pressure due to her famous heritage.
I think I’ll always be in the shadow of my parents. But that’s OK. Everyone has a challenge. If I’m proud of the music I am making, that’s all I can ask for. If I put it out into the world, it’s not up to me any more.”
Eliot released her début album The Constant under the band name I Blame Coco in 2010, and is set to make a return to the charts next year with a new record titled Information.
The choice to come out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a huge undertaking that not everyone decides to pursue.
I’m sure there are at least a million reasons why you should or shouldn’t, but as someone who decided to come out, I feel it’s our responsibility to reassure those who haven’t yet that they are in good company.
Of course, it’s never a good idea to pressure someone else to come out if they’re not ready, and particularly “outing” someone else is bad.
However, if you have yet to come out and you’re wondering what you can look forward to, I have compiled a list of some of the possibilities.
INot all of these will hold true for everyone, and many women may have realizations that aren’t on this list. Please feel free to add in your own realizations in the comments if you notice something I’ve missed.
1. Not everyone cares that you’re gay.
Often, when someone is afraid of coming out, they’re worried that the world will not accept them as they are. They think that it’s better if they keep it hidden. But acceptance of the gay community is becoming more commonplace – even if it seems like it’s not. Negativity is louder than positivity, and many of our allies are silenced – but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there.
2. Your family will learn to adjust.
This definitely doesn’t hold true for everyone, unfortunately. Some family members may never come around to being supportive of you. But it has been my experience, and the experience of many of the lesbians I interact with on a daily basis, that their family came to terms with their sexuality after some time. Sometimes, the harsh reactions come from a place of shock, rather than of complete disapproval.
3. You feel a new freedom.
There is no “one time” to come out of the closet, so each chance you become more open about your sexuality, you gain a little bit more freedom. This makes it wonderfully comforting to take it in smaller steps (which is generally advised to build up the confidence with your confession). You can start with someone you’re comfortable telling, and work your way up from there.
4. You accept yourself more.
This is up for debate as to whether it’s the cause or the effect of coming out. Generally speaking, when someone comes out, they are more accepting of themselves as an “imperfect” creature – because we realize that some of our “flaws” truly aren’t flaws at all. When we come out, we are basically saying “I am gay/bi/etc., and there is nothing wrong with that.”
5. You may face rude remarks.
Even those in a state of complete peace about their sexual orientation can be subject to harassment by others. Whether it’s a matter of someone asking personal questions about your sex life (rude), yelling slurs when you kiss your girlfriend in public (rude), or even outright discrimination (beyond rude), chances are you will hear it from somewhere. Even if there’s nothing directly aimed at you, you don’t have to go far to find it. Keep in mind realization #1 though: negativity is louder than positivity.
6. Your dating options open up.
There are some women out there who completely refuse to date a woman who’s in the closet. It might seem unfair, but if we think about it, it does make some sense. It’s really hard to be with someone when you’re treated like a dirty secret. When you allow yourself to be out of the closet, at least to some extent, more women will be inclined to give you a chance, because they’re comforted that you’re not just “curious” and wanting to use them as an experiment.
7. There are a lot of gay icons out there.
It’s really only been recently that we’ve noticed a large amount of gay and lesbian role models – but it seems nowadays that they’re coming out of the woodwork. Some may argue that some of these people are “coming out” for the publicity, in general, it’s not damaging to our community if that is the case.
8. The gay community is actually really, really big.
Before we come out, it can seem like we’re completely alone, that no one understands what we’ve been through and what we feel. After we come out, we start to notice more people around us who are gay. Whether it’s because we purposely seek out others who have also come out or if we just notice the ones that were already there is up in the air, but the fact is, we notice how big our community really is – and that’s magical, especially for those whose “coming out” experiences were less than happy.
9. You want to encourage others to come out.
This is another one that might not be true for everyone, but most of the lesbians I know are strong advocates of other people coming out of the closet. Some of it is wishful thinking (p.s. Zooey Deschanel, I’m still waiting for you to come out, wink wink) and some of it is a place of true encouragement. Once we know the freedoms that come from being true to ourselves, we can’t help but want to liberate others.
What do you think, readers? Is there anything I missed, or anything that you don’t think adequately represents the gay community as a whole? I encourage you to share your opinions on this subject. After all, here at KitschMix, we seek to be inclusive, and your opinions are part of that inclusion.
Take care, and I hope I have encouraged you to move past your fears!
Let me start by saying, I love Disney movies. As a kid, I was particularly enamored with Princess Jasmine (from Aladdin) and she was probably my first “celebrity crush”, if it can count as such. I’m sure you had one as a child, too. Disney movies lay the foundation for most of our childhoods and this translates into what an ideal relationship in the future will be like.
Of course, the relationships of a fairy tale movie aren’t really “genuine”; you’re probably not going to fall in love with the prince and live happily ever after. Even with the gender-swapped reimagining that has been done over the last few years, we understand that fantasy is just fantasy.
But what if it wasn’t?
Here is our rundown of how you’d get the girl if you were only following Disney’s relationship advice:
Introduce her to your family (Tarzan)
In Tarzan, Jane has very little romantic interest in Tarzan until he brings her to meet his crazy (gorilla) family. In the real world, we often wait to introduce our ladies to our family until after they’ve decided they like us – and sometimes, if we’re not out, not even then!
Lock her up and buy her gifts (Beauty and the Beast)
Beauty and the Beast is one of the most romantic Disney movies that exists – but it’s almost like a child’s version of a Criminal Minds episode. Sure, she loves him in the end and that helps to transform him into a handsome prince – but what did he really do to earn her love in the beginning? All the real work was done by everyone else!
Forget who she is after an incredible night together (Cinderella)
Something that has always puzzled me is how can someone (ahem, Prince Charming) claim to love someone but not have any idea who they are – and have to “check” every girl in the kingdom to find his “true love”? I think he just had a foot fetish and wanted to get it out of his system before settling down and marrying her.
Lie, trick, and steal (Aladdin)
Okay, as I previously mentioned, Princess Jasmine was my favorite. But even though the lies Aladdin told to win her over were things that shouldn’t have mattered anyway, why did he lie in the first place? If you intend to love someone, you should be starting with a foundation of honesty – which he didn’t. (P.S. Princess Jasmine, you’re still welcome to come cuddle with me, any time.)
Almost marry her arch-nemesis (The Little Mermaid)
This almost goes hand-in-hand with the Cinderella thing. In The Little Mermaid, Prince Eric forgets almost everything about Ariel. He’s not in love with her, he’s in love with her voice. Therefore, when she doesn’t have that voice anymore, he almost screws the whole thing up and gets with her mortal enemy! Call me crazy, but this is why “love at first sight” isn’t a realistic expectation.
Run away from home and neglect your responsibilities (The Lion King)
When things get difficult, it’s in our human nature to want to run away. Most of us don’t actually do this, because we know it’s wrong – but Simba did it in the Lion King, and when Nala finds him again, she’s suddenly in love with him, despite knowing that he’s been playing hooky for the past few years. In my own life, I don’t find a lack of priorities sexy – in fact, I’m probably not going to be with someone who doesn’t do what they need to do.
BBC presenter Jane Hill – who came out in 2009 – told the Mail on Sunday about her struggle to come out and said she had no one to look up to, but credited fellow host Sue Perkins and model Cara Delevingne for increasing the public’s acceptance of LGBT women.
Where were girls like Cara when I needed them?”
Hill also discussed the difficulties she faced when coming out – a struggle she believes the younger generation will no longer face.
When I was growing up, I had terrible struggles with who I was,” said Hill. “It was hugely difficult for me. I didn’t know any lesbians. I didn’t see any gay women in the media in magazines. It wasn’t talked about. It wasn’t part of the conversation.
I went through my 20s and 30s not being who I was and not feeling it was right for me to be able to be who I was. There was just one image of a lesbian, this tough clichéd image and it didn’t fit me. I really struggled and it took me a very long time to get here.”
What I think is truly incredible is that I now look in a magazine and I see Cara Delevingne, this beautiful model, just completely relaxed about who she is and not trying to hide it, not being secretive.”
What I find even more extraordinary the fact she is gay isn’t even a story. It’s just accepted, it’s fine. It’s just who she is. For young girls growing up, this is incredible.”
She also credited Sue Perkins for helping to “turn the tide” for young lesbian and bisexual women in the UK.
There she is, a completely open, gay woman hosting the biggest BBC show on television. Bake Off is huge. But it’s about middle class, middle England, Mary Berry and Victoria sponge cakes and there is Sue just embraced as part of all that and to any woman of my age who is gay it’s an extraordinarily wonderful thing.
I know Sue, I think she’s wonderful and, like Cara, I think she’s absolutely inspirational and just the very fact of them representing themselves not as clichés but as who they are is tremendous.”
I see people like Miley Cyrus doing the gay thing – and while that’s absolutely fine – it’s not such a realistic representation for most women. It’s a bit of a London bubble thing, a fashion thing. But we’re moving forward. For me life is good.
At work, my sexuality has never been an issue. That’s how it should be. I’m just very glad I can be exactly who I am.”
Over the last few weeks Ellen Page has chosen to address her difficulty of coming out, and the condescension of referring to actors as “brave” for playing LGBTQ+ characters.
In a interview with Metro Weekly, she had the opportunity to elaborate on all of the above at length, and discuss her own privilege and highlighting the experiences of other marginalized people both in North America and elsewhere.
Heterosexual actors and actresses do not have to go to great lengths to hide their sexuality. Yes, of course, keep your private life private. Protect yourself. Have boundaries. When you’re a public person, you need to think about your safety. But if it’s in relation to sexuality, then no — that’s an unfair double standard. Heterosexual people walk down the red carpet with their partners all the time, they talk about their children …
Earlier in the interview, Page had cited taking her own longtime girlfriend to the red carpet as a moment of particular pride.
To experience being in love and get to live my life, hold my partner’s hand, bring her to the premiere of the film, go down the red carpet — it’s all these firsts in my life. I’m like, “This is the first time I’m in an out relationship in an airplane!” That might sound so insignificant to a lot of people, but probably not to a lot of people in the LGBT community because they would understand. I can’t tell you how special it is. It’s really extraordinary, and I feel really lucky.
She also admits that in her youth, she internalized the aspect of Hollywood culture that discourages actors from coming out. Matt Damon’s comments reflect a background undercurrent in this field, not a one-off opinion only held by him.
It’s just an idea that exists that you cannot be a gay actor, particularly a young, out gay actor. It’s this idea that, for some reason, I believed and listened to and participated in.
I felt guilty about not being a visible person for the LGBT community. And, quite frankly, personally, I feel like I should have felt guilty. I’m a very, very privileged person. Of course the right thing to do is to say I’m gay. For myself as a person and for the community, you know?
Page explained that she believed this sentiment comes from a “protective place” as opposed to a “negative” one — actors want to help their peers succeed within a bigoted system, and many may still believe that remaining closeted is the safest path to success. But it’s also a harmful path, and ultimately, Page says, it “makes our society homophobic, transphobic, biphobic.”
By coming out, Ellen Page has been automatically cast in a role for which she never auditioned: an “advocate” role. Recently, when she appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, he asked her if she ever felt like this new role was a “burden.” Page responded,
No, I feel so grateful for it. I feel so grateful to feel how I feel now, compared to how I felt when I was a closeted person … And, as a person, I’m a very privileged person. I’m a very privileged gay person. Those who are affected the most in our community are the most vulnerable.
Although Page seems to have taken to her new advocacy position like a fish to water, that isn’t the case for many other closeted people, including people within Hollywood.
Not everyone wants to play this role, and it seems to be a given that once a public figure comes out, they become a representative, even if they don’t feel qualified to do so. And yet, the reason that happens is because so few public figures tend to come out, so undue scrutiny gets placed on the few that do.
Perhaps Page’s discussion of these tough topics could chart a path for other more marginalized people to follow in the future — but for the moment, this still isn’t a path that’s available to most.
It’s still much easier for someone like Ellen Page to cross this ocean than it is for others, and that could still be a source of resentment for some, no matter how many times she acknowledges it.
Coming out is never an easy task, especially when you’re coming out to older or extended member of your family
However, for one woman, this task has proved that sometimes even the most seemingly closed-minded of people can surprise you.
After getting engaged to her girlfriend MacKenzie, Katie Mathewson realised she would have to bite the bullet and finally come out to her conservative grandparents.
Two weeks later though, she received a letter in the mail, and was so moved by its contents that she took to the internet to share it.
In an Imgur post entitled ‘This is what can happen when you come out to your bigoted and close-minded grandparents’, she wrote:
I came out to my grandparents a couple weeks ago and was wholly convinced that they couldn’t accept it”, she wrote. “Not just because of their age or their lifestyle, but because, over the years, I’ve listened quietly and sadly as they talked about people who were different from them. I accepted the sad reality that that they’d never know the real me. But when I got engaged to my perfect and beautiful girlfriend, I felt like I had to tell them (regardless of the outcome).
Today, I came home to this letter in the mail. My grandmother is Korean and English isn’t her first language, but all I needed to see was “what matters is your happiness with MacKenzie for the rest of your life … No matter what may come, we still love you very much.” It’s not perfect or poetic, but it’s genuine and it’s love and it surprised me in the best way possible.
The letter reads:
Thank you for sharing your happy news with us Katie. The most important matters is your happiness with MacKenzie for the rest of your life.
The rest of the world will follow the ideas as the time moves on, and that is their problems! Just be understanding for those who don’t. I have been looking for an engagement card just right for you but not successful.
Sorry – Your grandfather and I are getting older everyday – moods change as the aches and pains occur and yet some days we feel energetic and ready to do anything so we will see by that time, August 28, 2016 it’s still long time yet.
We send our congratulations and blessings for you health and happiness and most of all no matter what may come – we still lovve you very much!
It’s never too late to change hearts and minds. Here’s hoping that Katie’s grandparents do make it to see their granddaughter head down the aisle on her big day.
If you had the choice to just suddenly be straight, would you do it?
I can honestly say I wouldn’t do anything special. Although I myself am quite definitely gay, I don’t see heterosexuality as something exotic. I guess it would be a bewildering experience to suddenly have but nothing essential would change.
When you have to come out to every person you meet, you tend to get more comfortable with it. Actress/writer Laura Zak (of Hashtag and Her Story) stars in this funny and oh-so-real video about coming out for the first time, and how different it can be from coming out for the 101st time.
In February 2014, Ellen Page stood on a stage at a Human Rights Campaign event in Las Vegas and told the large crowd that she is gay.
I’m here today because I am gay. And because maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility…
It’s weird because here I am, an actress, representing — at least in some sense — an industry that places crushing standards on all of us. Not just young people, but everyone. Standards of beauty. Of a good life. Of success. Standards that, I hate to admit, have affected me.
You have ideas planted in your head, thoughts you never had before, that tell you how you have to act, how you have to dress and who you have to be. I have been trying to push back, to be authentic, to follow my heart, but it can be hard.”
Since then, the actress has become an outspoken LGBTI activist, attending pride events, and even recently confronted Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz on his anti-gay views.
But for Page, who plays a lesbian in the new film Freeheld, it is still painful when she thinks of her former closeted self.
I’m embarrassed to say how closeted I was. I get sad thinking about it, honestly, because it was painful. And painful for people I was in relationships with. Just all-around destructive. Intolerance and closetedness is just a ripple effect of shit.’
Page, was still a teenager when she was thrust into the limelight with an Oscar-nominated performance in the 2007 film Juno.
After that, she made an effort to hide the women she was dating by, for example, leaving a hotel by a different entrance and ‘noooo public interaction.”
She remembers, with disgust, saying things like: ‘Go in the bathroom when room service comes’ or ‘This is my friend.’
She says now:
I feel bad about it. And I did start feeling really guilty about it. And I think that I should feel guilty about it.
Page came out shortly before filming of Freeheld, a film close to her heart which she is also producing.
It tells the true story of police detective Laurel Hester (Julianne Moore) who finds out she has terminal lung cancer and seeks to leave her benefits to her partner Stacie Andree (Page).
The prospect of making the film helped Page come out publicly.
First of all, I didn’t want to be a closeted person anymore,’ she says. ‘But then also: “What, are you going to not be an out gay actor when you shoot a movie like that?” Of course not. And it is people like Stacie and Laurel that inspire you.”
She found making the film to be freeing.
It was a special experience for me personally: what it represented in my life. It was nice to play a gay person. I’m gay! It was nice to fall in love with a person onscreen who is the kind of person that you’d fall in love with.”
It’s official: YouTube sensation and Project Runway judge Ingrid Nilsen – who came out in an emotional video posted to her channel in June – is dating fellow internet star Hannah Hart. Cue all the swoons and ohs and ahs. They are too cute!
Hart, 28, confirmed she is dating the 26-year-old beauty vlogger in the October issue of DIVA magazine.
I met someone who was a great fit for the real me…She’s also a YouTuber. We’ve actually been friends for a couple of years and then…circumstances kind of aligned. Her name is Ingrid and she is a big YouTuber. But she’s also one of the most brilliant, soulful people I’ve ever met. It’s so good.”
She added that being in the same industry as her girlfriend only makes their relationship better.
To have a peer who is also my partner, who does what I do and gets this world, this world that we live in, but also gets the world inside ourselves? “
While Hart has been open about her sexuality for years, Ingrid only came out this past summer.
In a powerful YouTube video that received more than 12 million views, the one-time Project Runway judge revealed she had been attracted to girls since age four but always dated men because she was scared of not being accepted by society because of her sexual preference.
I’ve always known since my earliest memories. This is not something that I chose. It is something that is a part of me and has always been a part of me.’
She went on to say:
I want to live my life unapologetically because I am proud of who I am and I am not going to apologize for who I am anymore. This is the life that I have always lived in my head and now it’s real.”
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