Tag Archives: Domestic Violence

Why Do Black Lesbians Keep Quiet About Domestic Violence?

According to The Advocate, 35.4% of women living with a same-sex partner have experienced domestic abuse or Inter-Personal Violence (IPV), but many black women are often so intimidated by political, cultural and racial factors that they don’t feel safe reporting their abuse.

What are these factors, and how can anti-domestic violence coalitions account for them?

Police have a history of murdering black women.

Sandra Bland. Rekia Boyd. Korryn Gaines. Yvette Smith. Tanisha Anderson. The list of black women killed by the police grows longer every day – and many victims were not committing crimes at the time of their murder. Rekia Boyd was standing next to a man holding a cell phone; police assumed the cell phone was a gun, shot at the man, and accidentally killed her instead.

For that reason, black women are hesitant to call the police on an abusive partner. Police could kill the partner – or even the woman who made the call.

Furthermore, just because a woman calls the police doesn’t mean the police will believe her. Police often don’t take same-sex cases IPV seriously. How can a woman hurt another woman?

The church teaches that homosexuality is an abomination.

Many black queer women raised in church have been told, at some point in their lives, that homosexuals will burn in hell.

When a religious woman comes out of the closet, she loses the support of her church and her internalized homophobia intensifies. If she becomes a victim of domestic violence, she may believe that it’s her punishment for being homosexual. If she were straight, after all, her girlfriend would not be abusing her.

Black women don’t want to fuel racism.

Black people are stigmatized as being lazy, poor, unintelligent, violent and criminal. Many black women believe that if they report domestic violence, they will prove these stereotypes true.

The white gaze is strong and judgmental. Black people don’t have the luxury of being an individual – one misstep allows white people to judge their entire community. That’s why black communities are notoriously private about HIV, AIDs, domestic violence, and mental illness; they’re private not to avoid fixing these problems, but to avoid facing constant judgment.

Black women need a safe space.

For black Americans, racism is a daily struggle. They’re stopped and frisked while walking in their own neighborhoods. They’re glared at or ignored by taxi drivers, store clerks and waitresses. They can be followed around a store, even if they have a six-figure salary and a white teenager is shoplifting one aisle over. They open their newsfeed to read the names of three more black people killed by the police. They deposit their checks, aware of the fact that they make 25% less than a white man doing the same job.

For black women, home is the safe space. It’s one of few places where they can be themselves separate from the pressures of the outside world.

If a queer black woman reports domestic violence, then she will lose that safe space – evenings will be spent filling out police reports, trying to convince people to believe her story, sleeping on friends’ couches, and possibly being separated from her children. Not to mention, if an abused woman has no choice but to move back in with her girlfriend afterward, then the abuse might be even worse than it was before since the abuser knows she can get away with it.

Instead, it’s easier for a black woman to keep her head down and hope for her evenings to pass uneventfully. Under the current system, it’s easier to deal with a black eye than it is to upend her entire life.

With these factors in mind, anti-IPV organizations need to make resources easily accessible to LGBT victims of color. Black women need to know that they can report violence without police intervention, they need to be able to access counselling, they need to be able to work with advocates of color to avoid racism and stigma, and they need to know that they have a safe space with these organizations.

For more information, visit Gay Star News.

Only in Florida, Woman Arrested for Hitting Girlfriend in Face With Dildo

Annette Kielhurn has been arrested in Florida for hitting her girlfriend in the face with a dildo.

Kielhurn, 57, was arguing with her girlfriend over who owned a dress at the time, according to St. Petersburg Police Department.

Officers arrived at their home because Kielhurn’s girlfriend called them to stand by while she moved out her belongings, police said.

The officer wrote in his report.

While assisting the victim on a clothing assist, the defendant grabbed the victim with one arm and used the other arm to pull a dress out of her hand that she said was hers. I then specifically told the defendant no to touch the victim and told her to just verbally say what she did not want her partner to take from the house because this is civil. Shortly afterwards the defendant intentionally shoved a “dildo” in the victim’s face and grabbed her right arm while arguing whose it belonged to.”

The cop arrested Kielhurn for domestic battery was booked into jail on the misdemeanour charge.


She was released from custody after posting $500 bail.

Kielhurn, who has Capaner-Ridley’s first name tattooed on her chest, previously served three years in prison after she was found passed out and drunk in a car that contained 25kg of cocaine – which had a street value of $2.5m.

She was also arrested in June for trespassing.

Project Unbreakable is Striving to Increase Awareness of Domestic Violence – #Unbreakable

Project Unbreakable is a photography project aiming to give a voice to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse. Since its conception in October of 2011 by then 19 year old Grace Brown, Project Unbreakable has featured over fourth thousand photographs, both photos taken by Grace and submissions from all over the world. The photographs are of survivors holding posters with quotes from their abusers.

Originally, Project Unbreakable was supposed to stay small – the main intention was to simple create awareness – but soon it was discovered that it provides a way of healing for violences survivors.

“We want to be able to help as many people as possible. In light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October), we have opened Project Unbreakable up to include survivors of domestic violence.
Below are a few poignant examples of survivors quoting their attackers”

Grace Brown

Since the conception, Project Unbreakable has featured over fourth thousand photographs, both photos taken by Grace and submissions from all over the world.

Below are a few poignant examples of survivors quoting their attackers.

Project-Unbreakable-01 Project-Unbreakable-02 Project-Unbreakable-03 Project-Unbreakable-04 Project-Unbreakable-05 Project-Unbreakable-06 Project-Unbreakable-07 Project-Unbreakable-08 Project-Unbreakable-09 Project-Unbreakable-10 Project-Unbreakable-11