Tag Archives: Family Equality

Bringing Baby Home: Important Adoption Tips For Lesbian Couples

You and your partner have taken that big step… you’ve decided to adopt a child. While congratulations are in order, you also have to do your research and find out what roadblocks you may encounter along the way.

While adoption among the LBGT crowd is becoming more widely accepted, there are still some places that either don’t allow gay couples to adopt, or may make it harder for them.

Adoption can already be an arduous process for any couple, but the more you know, the easier navigating that tricky world will become.

Here’s a look at some great tips for you and your partner as you embark on your future adoption….

Consider All Adoption Options

There are a variety of options out there when it comes to adoptions, so be sure to choose the best fit for you. Are you looking for a public domestic adoption or a private domestic option? Are you looking to adopt an infant or would you be open to adopting an older child? Will race and ethnic background play a part in your decision? These are all important questions to consider and play into the type of adoption best suited for you and your partner.

Know Local Adoption Laws

Laws will vary depending upon the country you live in, and from there the state, region, or province. Some areas may not even allow same-sex couples to adopt, so be sure you are educated on your local adoption laws and understand them before going any further.

Be Honest and Up Front

Don’t hide your sexuality. Not only is that not being true to yourself, it could end up backfiring if the truth were to come out that you’re not a heterosexual couple. Be open and honest with the adoption agency and the birth mother (if birth mother will be known). That way you’ll be building a trusting relationship with all parties involved. And why would you want to be involved with someone who is against same-sex rights to begin with?

Search Out Gay-Friendly Adoption Agencies

Not all agencies are going to be gay-friendly, and you have the right to have your adoption process no matter what your sexuality is. This might take a bit of research, but it will be well worth it. Check out the history of various agencies and whether or not they have anti-discrimination clauses listed on their website or brochures. Taking the time to ensure you’ll be treated fairly in regards to your adoption is a must.

Find a Support System

The process of adopting a child can be lengthy and exhausting. And once you’ve finally brought your child home, raising him or her will also bring challenges as you and your partner embark on the new journey of motherhood. That’s why it’s helpful to have a support group of others who have already gone through the adoption process or are still are still going through it.

It’s important to be able to share your fears and concerns as well as your joy and happiness with others going through the same thing. Having a support system will definitely help you transition into your new roles as mothers as well.

Same-Sex Adoptive Parents Are Increasing Across America

While same-sex couples have long been able to adopt from private, gay-friendly adoption agencies, adopting children from the foster care system in America has proved more difficult in some states.

Some states have even taken up legislation that would allow taxpayer-funded contractors – that oversee state adoptions – to refuse gay or lesbian individuals from adopting children if it conflicts with the organization’s religious beliefs.

Some also have policies that do not allow gay and lesbian couples to adopt foster children jointly, according to the Human Rights Campaign. In Alabama, where a federal court overruled the state’s ban on gay marriage, gay couples were also not allowed to adopt jointly.

But many of those states are changing their policies in the aftermath of the Supreme Court decision on same-sex marriage.

That’s the case in North Dakota, where the law allows single people to adopt but specifies that adopting couples must be “husband and wife.”

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Julie Hoffman, adoptions administrator for the state Department of Human Services, said:

It’s simple. Now that gay couples are allowed to marry, they’ll be treated like any other married couple who’s adopting.”

Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Ohio and South Dakota also are changing their practices to allow married gay couples to go through the adoption process together. Some of them said they’re starting to update their forms to make them gender neutral.

In Alabama, married gay couples will be allowed to adopt a foster child, but they’ll have to wait longer than most – the state requires married couples interested in adopting to have been married for a year before beginning the adoption process.

Mississippi is the only state that has a law that specifically bars gay couples from adopting foster children, and Julia Bryan, spokeswoman for the state Department of Human Services, said the law will be followed unless the legislature makes any changes when it reconvenes in January. However, the ban is being challenged in the courts.

The Texas Department of Family and Protective Services also will wait on the legislature before changing how it operates, according to spokeswoman Julie Moody.

Gay couples in the state will have to continue to have one member of the couple formally adopt the child, and then the other member has to come back later to do a second parent adoption – a similar process to a step parent adopting a stepchild.

Nebraska policy prevented unmarried couples, gay or straight, from fostering or adopting state wards until 2012, when the state started allowing same-sex couples to become foster parents, ultimately placing foster children with 15 same-sex couples.

A county judge recently struck down the unmarried couple ban. But the state is planning to challenge that, saying that the broad scope of the order would require its Department of Health and Human Services to treat “unrelated, unmarried adults residing together” the same as it treats individuals and married couples.

A statement from the Attorney General’s Office said that would make it more difficult to make placements in the best interest of the child.

 

Nebraska Judge Strikes Down Ban on Same-Sex Foster Parents

A Nebraska judge has struck down a policy that prevented same-sex couples from serving as foster parents or adopting state wards.

Judge John Colborn of the Lancaster County District, declared the rules unconstitutional, citing the recent U.S. Supreme Court decision that allowed same-sex marriage.

A spokeswoman for Nebraska Attorney General Doug Peterson said Thursday that the office was still reviewing the decision.

The administrative policy was put in place in 1995, but the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services quietly stopped enforcing the ban in 2012.

According to the ruling, the lack of enforcement created confusion within the department and among state contractors who work with state wards.

Same-sex couples were also forced to undergo a rigorous five-tier review from a DHHS caseworker, supervisor, two administrators and the director of the state’s Children and Family Services Division. Opposite-sex couples only required approval from a caseworker and supervisor.

Danielle Conrad, executive director of the ACLU of Nebraska, and one of three groups that sued the state on behalf of three same-sex couples, said

This is a special victory for thousands of children in Nebraska who now have more options to find loving and stable homes,”

The judge wrote

State officials have not argued, nor have they identified, any legitimate government interest to justify treating gay and lesbian individuals and gay and lesbian couples differently than heterosexual individuals and heterosexual couples in this review process.”

Michigan Doctor Refuses To Care For Baby Because The Parents Were Lesbians

Jami and Krista Contreras of Oak Park met with Dr. Vesna Roi before the birth of their daughter, Bay Windsor, in October. But it wasn’t until the girl was 6 days old and they were waiting at the practice for her first checkup that they learned of the pediatrician’s decision.

Another doctor at the same practice told them their Roi “prayed on it” before deciding not to see the child. Two women say they believe a pediatrician refused to care for their infant daughter because they are lesbian.

“I was completely dumbfounded. We just looked at each other and said, ‘Did we hear that correctly?’”

Krista Contreras

Jami continued.

“As far as we know Bay doesn’t  have a sexual orientation yet so I’m not really sure what that matters. We’re not your patient – she’s your patient. And the fact is that your job is to keep babies healthy and you can’t keep a baby healthy that has gay parents?”

Jami Contreras

 

The incident happened last October, but the Contreras decided to go public with their story to raise awareness about discrimination against same-sex parents.

The couple said the doctor later wrote them a handwritten letter saying that “after much prayer,” she felt she could not “develop the personal patient-doctor relationships” that she usually builds with patients. However, she did not specify that sexual orientation was the reason for her refusal to see their child.

The doctor told the newspaper she couldn’t comment on the case, citing federal privacy law. She defended her commitment to pediatric medicine and helping children, saying her life is taking care of babies and she loves her patients and their families.

While the doctor’s actions could be considered inappropriate, there is no Michigan or federal law prohibiting such a decision, Wayne State University Constitutional Law Professor Robert Sedler said.

Many states have legislated against such discrimination, and Michigan has explored the idea. Republican Gov. Rick Snyder has called for legislative discussion to amend the state’s civil rights law to prohibit discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in employment, housing and places open to the public. But bills backed by the business community died last session and are unlikely to gain traction in the GOP-led Legislature.

Gay rights advocates are studying a potential 2016 ballot initiative.

No lawsuit is planned since the women, who married in Vermont in 2012, concluded the doctor did nothing illegal. They said they went public with their story to raise awareness about discrimination faced by the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

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Lesbian Couple Demand Both Names on Son’s Birth Certificate In Indiana

A married couple, Ashlee and Ruby Henderson, has asked a federal court to force Indiana state and county officials to name both of them as parents on their newborn son’s birth certificate.

They were married in November in Indiana, and Ruby Henderson gave birth in December to a son through artificial insemination, but state and local officials have refused to list both as parents on his birth certificate.

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Tippecanoe Department of Health officials told the Lafayette couple it would take a court order to list Ashlee Henderson as a parent on the birth certificate, the couple said in a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in southern Indiana.

Allowing a father to be listed as a parent on the birth certificate, which also provides associated benefits to a child, but not for a same-sex spouse is a violation of the U.S. Constitution, the couple said in the lawsuit.

More: Lesbian Parents Win Right To Have Names On Children’s Birth Certificates In Virginia

Indiana law “stigmatizes persons in a same-sex marriage and sends a hideous message to their children by implying that these children are somehow less deserving of the presumption of two parents and legitimacy,” the lawsuit said.

Randy Vonderheide, an attorney for the Tippecanoe County Health Department, said officials use birth certificate forms they believe comply with state law and should consider changes following rulings that make same-sex marriage legal in Indiana.

“The administration hasn’t caught up with the times. The system isn’t set up to accommodate same-sex marriages.”

Randy Vonderheide

Lesbian Parents Win Right To Have Names On Children’s Birth Certificates In Virginia

Lesbian Parents living in Virginia, have won a legal fight to have both of their names listed on their twins’ birth certificates.

However, after an 18-month game of wait-and-see as the issue of gay marriage was being settled in Virginia, Richmond Judge Designate T.J. Markow last month ordered the Office of Vital Records in the Virginia Department of Health to amend the birth certificates to show Maria and Joani as the “only parents of the children.”

Maria Hayman delivered the twins in June 2013. Joanie Hayman contributed the eggs after they were fertilized with sperm from a donor who revoked his parental rights.

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Joanie Hayman’s name couldn’t be listed on the twins’ birth certificate. Under the Virginia Code, egg donors don’t have parental rights.

Because of the unique nature of the twins’ birth, the couples attorney, Colleen Quinn saw an opportunity to make a legal case for Joani’s inclusion on the birth certificates and offered to take on their case pro bono.

The Haymans started their legal fight a few months after the twins were born not just to make a statement, they said. Legal recognition of their already-formed family was important to them.

“This is best for our family, so we’re going to try. I thought it would be longer. Even if you’re with your partner and your children and you’re a family, it matters. But it’s on paper when the world recognizes you as a family.”

Maria Hayman

Lifting Same-Sex Marriage Ban In Florida Allows Lesbian Couple To Be Legally Recognised As Joint Parents

A Florida judge has ruled that genetics are not required for parenthood.

This is a first in Florida, but by lifting of a same-sex marriage ban now means an infant has the right to call both women in a lesbian couple her parents.

Palm Beach Circuit Judge, Lisa Small, ruled that both Lisa Maxwell and Christine Stephens-Maxwell are the parents of 7-week-old Satori. Satori was born last month after Christine became pregnant through in-vitro fertilization. The couple had married in New York in 2012.

Florida law recognizes that a baby born to a married couple from in-vitro fertilization is the child of both husband and wife. But Circuit Judge Lisa Small extended that recognition to the spouse of the child-bearing wife, now that Florida recognizes same-sex marriages.

“To afford the constitutional protections to which petitioner is entitled, the court interprets ‘husband’ … to mean the spouse of the child-bearing wife.”

Palm Beach Circuit Judge Lisa Small

Before the ban was lifted earlier this month, Lisa would have had to adopt Satori.

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“I can’t imagine having to go to a hospital, having to go to a school and being turned away and not recognized that this is my child who I love dearly”

Lisa Maxwell.

Lisa Maxwell’s petition also asked Small to recognize the couple’s out-of-state marriage, which she did.

“Not only can we get married, but we can create wonderful families.”

Christina Stephens-Maxwell

Small’s ruling builds on the ground-breaking federal court ruling that legalized same-sex marriage Jan. 6 in Florida.

Have a Happy LGBT Holiday

As the summer approaches, a team of experts have come up with some top tips for a hassle-free and fun-packed LGBT family holiday. Residence Inn, lesbian mums’ blog Mombian.com and the Family Equality Council organised an hour-long Twitter forum which threw up all manner of great advice. You can see it all for yourself by searching for #RI Family and #TMOM.

The top ten tips that came out of the session are as follows:

  1. @Mombian advised that, to avoid bureaucracy, parents should make sure they take with them adoption papers that name them as the legal parents or guardians of their children.
  2.  Be prepared for any eventuality, said @TravelingMoms.
  3.  Stay abreast of the news as it relates to your travel destination. The UK Foreign Office and US Department of State websites are especially helpful in this regard.
  4.  Everyone agreed with @lifewithroozle’s statement that parts of the world that permit LGBT marriage are a pleasure to visit. Other tweeters claimed that Quebec was a great example of that. @MeaganShany mentioned that Florida and Portland, Oregon are worth going to, even though neither places yet allow gay marriage.
  5. Do not keep all your important papers in the same place while on holiday. @SeymaShabbir suggested backing up documents digitally.
  6. Your holiday is sure to be more enjoyable if you take the time to learn the local customs, said @LavLuz. Also be prepared for your kids’ complaints i.e. ‘Are we there yet?’ ‘I’m bored!’ ‘I’m tired!’
  7. Making the most of hotels’ creature comforts can make you feel right at home. Residence Inn, for example, offers a complimentary breakfast with every room.
  8. Sadly, much of the world remains ignorant and intolerant of LGBT families, so don’t be shocked or upset if you encounter prejudice, argued @DesignerDaddy. Try to stay confident and friendly.
  9. Many LGBT mums and dads travel for the purpose of international adoption. @DebOnTheRocks offers excellent support and guidance to such parents, every step of the process.
  10. As @KimSimes said, re-train the kids’ sleep patterns before travelling to a new time zone.