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Don’t Fear the Friend Zone

In this day and age, there’s a huge focus on the existence of “the friend zone” – does it exist? Is it a myth? Is it a term used by people who are hurt that they didn’t get the attention they felt they deserved?

Well, in a way, it’s sort of a mix of all these things.

Many of my friends explicitly refer to the friend zone when they’re speaking to their potential (and past) relationship prospects; it’s a term that’s easily understood and lets it be well known that you will not, in fact, be reaching second base with this person. (Although that’s not always true – friends-with-benefits zone seems to be a real thing, too.)

However, the general reaction to this mystery area is that it’s a negative thing – we ignore the positive outcomes that arise from it because we’re so focused on the pain and sting of rejection.

But, what if instead of focusing on the rejection, we put our attention instead to the benefits that friend-zoning brings?

1. It’s an exercise in not settling.

Often when we think of “the friend zone”, we feel that we are entitled to have a relationship with a person (romantic or sexual) due to the kindness we have shown them and the effort we have put into the process, while on the other side of the coin, we use “let’s just be friends” to signal that we care about this person, but don’t wish to compromise certain aspects of our criteria for the “perfect mate”.

While true perfection doesn’t exist, the fact remains that you can be attracted to a person and they can still be wrong for you. The friend zone teaches that sometimes it’s better to not settle on things that you consider mandatory for a partner – whether you are the one doing the rejecting, or you are the one being rejected.

2. It’s often a learning experience.

Let’s say, for example, the girl who rejected you turns out to be a complete jerk (hey, it happens). Maybe her requirements for a date were that she was more intelligent than her – which she qualifies by a college degree, even though she herself is still in college.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t value you as you are? In pleading with a girl who has rejected you based on something that seems unfair, you’re basically begging her to be realistic – which, dealing with women teaches us is rarely worthwhile to look at.

On the other side of the coin, her necessary qualifications could be something entirely out of your control – such as your height. If a woman only dates women who are shorter than her, and you are obviously taller than her, pleading with her to change her mind can be futile, as she’s not likely to budge and you’re not likely to shrink.

Other criteria, such as race or nationality, can be frustrating to the person who doesn’t meet them – but it’s important that your partner likes you for who you are. Asking them to compromise their own standards, even if they don’t make sense to you, is basically forcing yourself to be “not good enough” even if you do eventually win her over.

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3. Great friendships have been built on the foundation of relationships that failed before they begun.

I have a few friends (who shall remain nameless) who I originally started talking to with the hopes of being more than just friends with them. One of them disclosed that I wasn’t her type – she preferred bigger ladies of Mexican descent, and here I was, a slightly chubby white girl.

I didn’t let it impede my desire to get to know her better, and now she’s one of my best friends – I share pretty much everything with her! She has provided me with valuable advice regarding the relationships I’ve been in since, as I have sought to do for her. If I had begged with her to give up on her “type”, we probably would have broken up and I never would have spoken to her again.

Another friend rejected me because of mutual differences in what we looked for: I was looking for someone local to get to know better, and she was only looking for friends. Well, she won – we started talking as friends.

Although it did hurt at first that it felt like she wanted nothing to do with me, we talk on a regular basis and are actually much closer for it. Sure, I still find her (and the friend referenced above) incredibly attractive – but I’m thankful for the friendship and wouldn’t do anything to compromise that now.

4. Someone more suited to your needs may be just around the corner.

This might be the most important thing: The best relationships happen when you’re not looking for a relationship. At the time I met my current partner, I had given up on the idea of finding a girlfriend, because all my efforts were met with resistance by the other party, or generally we just weren’t a good fit.

Once I gave up on finding a relationship, my soul mate happened to fall into my lap – and, unlike the jerks that I tend to seek out, she actually sought me out, offering all the things that had been missing from all of the attempted relationships of the past several months.

The fact that we’re still together two years later speaks wonders about this philosophy. If you’re seeking a relationship to fill a void, it probably won’t. It’s better to let love find you naturally. (Not that you shouldn’t help it along if you can, but it’s definitely not good to be so desperate that you compromise your core values and resort to begging. Trust me on this one.)

5. Basically, we need to learn to accept the word “no”.

It’s a tough idea to grasp: My generation is one of forced entitlement. We got trophies for participating, and “no child left behind” penalized the teachers when their students didn’t try. This really isn’t right! I have always been a bit of an over-achiever despite the entitlements that my generation has impressed upon me, but that doesn’t mean that I deserve everything I work hard for.

Sometimes you just won’t be the right fit, and that’s ok! Work on developing yourself instead of focusing on the potential outcome, and your overall outcome will be better.

Let me reiterate: Being friend-zoned definitely sucks. There’s no doubt about that. But if you can keep a positive outlook, and focus on making yourself better, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. In fact, it really shouldn’t be the end of the world. You never know what may be in store for you in the future.

Sexual Abuse in Committed Same-Sex Relationships

One of the most overlooked aspects of any successful relationship is sexual compatibility. Often, this compatibility is a subconscious thing; we don’t know why we enjoy sex with our partner, we just do.

However, every now and then, one partner will have a significantly higher sex drive than the other.

This isn’t necessarily of particular concern, and it can be easily worked around, if both partners are willing to negotiate.

However, what happens when one partner pushes the issue to the point where the other partner isn’t receiving any enjoyment out of this intimacy?

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Believe it or not, there is such a thing as a sexually abusive relationship, even if the parties involved are deeply in love. Often we think that a commitment to this person means that we’re obligated to service their sexual “needs” when they arise – but this isn’t true, in the slightest.

From a technical standpoint, sexual abuse defines any sexual act that is not consensual. This can be difficult to define when you and your partner are committed. They may argue that you have an obligation. They may threaten to leave or to find “supplemental” sexual activities outside of your relationship. This isn’t fair to you, as you can’t really help if you’re not in the mood, and you shouldn’t be punished for this.

If your partner forces sexual activities on you – even if you love them – this is sexual abuse.

Now, this isn’t exactly the same as guilting you into performing sexual favors, although this can take its own toll on you emotionally. Rather, we are talking about proceeding further, despite you vocalizing your lack of consent for this activity (no matter what your reason might be).

If you’re reading this and you think to yourself, But we’re in love, and therefore I should be willing to give it up, whether I’m in the mood or not – this article probably isn’t going to sit well with you. Because, I’ve got news for you – If your partner truly cared about you, they wouldn’t want sexual activity with you if you didn’t want it.

What can you do, though?

Well, this is the tough part – nothing is going to change if you don’t speak up. It’s possible that your partner is just a bit less mature than you, and they aren’t aware that their sexual demands aren’t okay with you. It’s important that you tell them. If you’re genuinely worried about how they will respond to the concerns you have, there may be deeper issues in play – and this may be a sign that you need to get out of this relationship.

Whether your concern is that your partner wants it more often than you do (which is common), or that they demand activities you aren’t comfortable with (such as penetration if you have expressed an unwillingness to do so, or anal play when you have made it clear that you don’t want it, even demands for a threesome if you have made it clear that you have no desire to share), or any type of unwanted sexual attention – it’s important that both partners are consenting. Just because you have said yes in the past does not mean that you have to say yes, ever. Only you can determine consent.

Ten Tantalising Sex Positions You And Your Girlfriend Need To Try

We’ve all been there – bored of your “normal” sexual routine, but unaware of what you can do to spice it up.

Toys are an option, but not everyone’s into them (and any that are worth anything are so expensive!). You could try role playing, but somehow that just seems like you’re pretending, and with an overly anxious partner it may lead them to believe that they’re not actually what you want (even if that couldn’t be further from the truth).

So, what’s left – what can you do to spice up the ordinary to make it extraordinary again?

Maybe a change of position may be in order.

Some may argue that lesbian sex can really only occur in a few positions in the first place – but those people in particular could benefit from this list. The truth is, there are hundreds upon hundreds of possible positions to get to your lover – and if you’re not utilizing all of them, it’s no wonder you’re in a slump!

In order to make this list, the position has to be achievable by a beginner – because believe it or not, trying out sexual positions that you’re not properly prepared for can cause serious injuries (not to mention embarrassment if this is a new partner).

Additionally, they have to be useful with or without toys. Not everyone enjoys toys, and that’s ok. Take a look at the top 10 positions that should be added to your repertoire immediately!


Ok, so this one is probably in your inventory already – it’s considered one of the basics. However, if you’re not familiar with the position, this is where one partner lays on top of the partner, such that their bodies resemble the reflection between the numbers “6” and “9” – that is, each head between the legs of the other partner. This is best suited for partners who are similar in size, or where one partner is smaller (in which case the smaller partner will probably choose to be on top), however if there is a fair amount of trust in your relationship, it can go either way. It’s great because you and your partner can stimulate each other simultaneously, and it allows for the possibility (but not the guarantee!) of simultaneous climax. Once you get the hang of it, or if you’re particularly flexible, you can even try it standing!



Scissoring (also referred to as tribadism or “tribbing”) has a bit of a mixed reception among lesbians. Some women swear by it, while others swear it simply doesn’t do anything. In my experience, however, it can be wonderful as long as you know what you’re doing. In order to do this, you and your partner should be similar sizes (preferably smaller) and reasonably flexible.

You will then rub yourself against each other – whether that means against her leg, or directly crotch-to-crotch is up to you. It provides an intense amount of stimulation and it can get quite messy. It can be difficult to achieve climax this way, but it works wonders when used to get the juices flowing and provides the necessary motivation to proceed to other activities if you desire. Additionally, you can even do this with clothes on for a bit of quick stimulation.


The Spoon

This position is great because it allows full physical contact with your partner – something that’s often left out of lesbian sexual experiences. In order to perform “the spoon”, one partner will need to be positioned behind the other partner, laying down in bed. She will then reach her hand over and start rubbing… And, well, I’m sure you can imagine the rest. If your partner is into penetration, this can be difficult in this position without the help of a toy – but definitely not impossible. It’s great because it allows you to kiss your partner’s neck, which can lead to extra stimulation and a heightened sense of arousal. If she desires, she can even reach her hand back and “service” you as well – the possibilities are endless!


Above Below

This one’s a little trickier, but definitely not difficult. In order to get this going, one partner will need to lay on her stomach on the bed, while the other partner lays on top of her. The partner on top will then rub herself against her partner while also stimulating the partner with her fingers – additionally, you can use a strap-on or other toy. The partner on bottom can additionally rub herself against the bed or a properly positioned pillow to add to the excitement. If done correctly, both partners should be able to climax this way – and if you’re into penetration, this is a position that sets you up to hit all the right spots.


The See Saw

The See Saw is a little more difficult to explain, but nevertheless exciting for both of you. One partner should be lying on her back with her legs bent – as if the other partner were going to go down on her. However, instead, the second partner should sit between her legs and drape her own over the top of them – picture forming an “M” with the two sets of legs. Once you’re in position, the rest is up to you – you can rub or penetrate, or even trib – whatever you desire!


The Ripple

For this position, one partner will need to be on her hands and knees. The other partner will be on her hands and knees behind her, so that she may give her some oral pleasure. Of course you can use your fingers or toys as well, but this isn’t important – the sensation of a tongue caressing you from behind is sure to be a delight. This is especially great if you enjoy a little mystery in your sex life; the partner being pleased will be unable to see what her partner is going to do to her – and often the sensations are even greater if you don’t find out until they’re happening!


The Works

The “receiving” partner should be standing for this one, and the other partner should be either sitting or kneeling just behind her. If you’re into anal play, this is a good opportunity for that – but it’s definitely not limited to that! The partner who is giving can reach under her partner and provide any types of sexual favors she desires; just as with “The Ripple”, you have the element of mystery working to your favor here.


Sublime Caress

Both partners will be standing for this position, facing each other, with something nearby for the “receiving” partner to rest her foot on (preferably forming a 90 degree angle, but it’s up to you – whatever you are comfortable with, as long as it is elevated to allow for a proper view). There’s something extra special about standing up for sex; I can’t quite place my finger on it, but it’s magical. Once you’re both in position, rubbing is key – although penetration can also be used, if you’re into it.


Pleasure Perch

This is another standing position – but only the receiving partner will be standing. The other partner will be kneeling in front of her, and the “receiver” will drape her leg over her partner’s shoulder in order to receive some good oral attention. Careful, though – if your partner knows her way with her tongue, you may need to make sure you have something to lean against so you don’t fall backward! This is great because the “giving” partner will have a full view of all of the “receiver’s” body, and will be able to lick and tease her partner to insanity.


Pandora’s Box

For “Pandora’s Box”, one partner will need to be seated in a chair, with her legs stretched out in front of her. The partner who is “giving” will need to be sitting, kneeling, or crouching between her outstretched legs. Oral pleasure is easy to give in this position, although there’s no rule that says you have to. (Due to the seated partner’s position, penetration may be difficult, but not impossible.) Once climax approaches, the seated partner will want to arch her back and possibly stretch those legs a little more – make sure your lady has a good hold on you if your chair doesn’t have a back on it!


If any of these positions is new to you, please don’t hesitate to try them out with your woman (or your woman of the night). They’re sure to impress, and with a little practice could easily become your go-to positions – no more boring sex!

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Relationship Dilemmas: My Girlfriend Hates My Music!

I grew up with a wide variety of musical tastes enforced. My mother preferred country and classic rock, while my dad appreciated jazz, top 40 tunes, and hip hop. Additionally, I was raised in part with formal musical training – violin, clarinet, piano, and a brief stint with the elementary school chorus. (Turns out I get stage fright if my voice is the instrument of choice.)

This variety raised me with an appreciation for all the music genres and a knack for determining which songs I liked based on the song itself, rather than whether it was something I’d “normally” listen to.

It wasn’t until I was about 13 that I realized that not everyone viewed music the same way. Building friendships often meant the dreaded question, “What kind of music do you like?” – a question I didn’t know how to prepare an answer for.

Music had always been a big part of my life, and I didn’t understand how someone could say that they loved music and be so selective over which music they would enjoy.

Once I started dating, it became even more complex. I had a great music collection that, admittedly, included things that were “weird” or “dorky” if you asked the girls I dated. I found myself ultimately tailoring my musical taste to suit theirs, rather than deal with the ridicule of having them listen to “my music”.

It wasn’t really a big deal, though, as there was almost always some area of overlap between our interests, and if there wasn’t – I was happy to add a wider variety into my repertoire! However, in a few situations, I wasn’t sure how I could actually be selective with my music.

My particular upbringing had made me incapable of discerning the specific genre of many songs.

What do you classify a song that has both violin and spoken-word elements? Does that qualify as rap, or is it classical? What about banjo and steel guitar paired with harmony and auto-tune? Would that be country or is it pop? I just didn’t know!

Only a few girls in my past actually had solid problems with my music, though. Although I may have been teased for some of the songs I listened to, I determined that any girl who would actually put me down for my musical choices wasn’t worth my time anyway.

I also learned to assert myself and my love for music by compromising on musical styles. For example, “I understand you’re not fond of this artist, but can you please narrow it down to a few songs you absolutely won’t listen to, and I can play the rest?” If the girl wasn’t willing to negotiate something as simple as musical tastes, I began to realize that she also wasn’t willing to compromise in other aspects, either.

Thankfully, my current girlfriend doesn’t judge me for my musical tastes. Sure, she laughs when I play Backstreet Boys, and she might roll her eyes when I put on some Vivaldi, but she accepts that my love for music is an important part of who I am.

This is a much bigger relief than you might anticipate – as someone who has practically been raised with melody and rhythm, my past girlfriends’ rejection of my musical taste felt like a rejection of my innermost self. It’s like someone telling you “Yeah, I love you, but I really wish your eyes were blue instead of brown.” It kinda hurts.

Readers, I challenge you to have this discussion with your future partners. Maybe music isn’t the right topic for you – maybe it’s movies, or TV shows, or pets. Pick something simple, and test the waters before you get in too deep. If you agree on the subject, great! If you don’t, is she willing to bend at all, or would you be the only one sacrificing?

This could be an effective tool in determining your compatibility in spite of differences. Just because you don’t agree doesn’t have to mean you don’t get along.

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13 Relationship Lies We Need to Stop Telling Our Partners

Often, when we think of our relationships, we like to pretend that we’re 100% honest, but the truth is that might not be the case. Even with the best intentions, there are things that slip through sometimes.

These little lies don’t mean much on their own, but the truth is they add up over time and can lead to lying about serious things (like how we feel about our relationship as a whole).

Read on to find out the most common “white lies” and what’s wrong with them.

13. I’m fine.

This one is pretty innocent, and it’s said with good intentions. When we don’t want to burden our partners with what’s on our mind, we tend to tell them we’re fine when they ask, even if this isn’t the case. This can be bad because, usually, if your partner is asking what’s wrong, it’s because she can already tell there’s something bothering you – so she’ll know you’re lying when you say you’re fine.

12. You look great in that!

When we say this, we’re usually trying to be nice, and if you care about someone you might think it’s best to stay nice at all times. But the truth is, your partner values your opinion, and will probably feel rather embarrassed if she takes your word on this one and it turns out you weren’t being truthful – and someone who values less about her feelings tells her.

11. No, I’m not mad.

This goes along with #13, but in a slightly different way. You might try to pretend that you’re not mad, but you shouldn’t hide your feelings. While you think you’re avoiding a fight, some things are actually worth arguing about – saying you’re not mad when there’s something huge on your mind isn’t saving you any trouble, it’s just bottling it up.

10. Any lie, about any friends, ever.

If one of your friends has feelings for you, it’s best to let your partner know. She might not think that you should hang around with that friend anymore, but maybe you can compromise – you guys hang out together.

If you’ve got nothing to hide (and your partner is reasonable) it should be a fair negotiation.

Otherwise, you’ll have to think about which relationship means more to you: Your friendship, or your love.

9. No, I love your parents!

Nowhere in the world does it say that you have to love your in-laws. If you do, that’s great! But if not, you should still be respectful toward them… Within reason. If they are rude to you, at some point you may need to stand up for yourself. But if you value this relationship with your partner, you should be able to tell her that her parents treat you badly – don’t pretend to love them when you really can’t stand being around them.

Most likely, your partner will help to diffuse the situation in order to make your relationship with her parents a little more favorable.

8. I don’t care where we go out to eat.

Ladies… You know this isn’t true. It’s never true. If you say you don’t care where you go, but your partner’s first five choices are out of the question, it’s obvious that you had something particular in mind – just come out and say it!

7. No, I’ve never even talked to that girl before!

If you lie about knowing someone, or talking to them, and then your partner finds out later that you lied – well, she’s understandably going to be upset. If you don’t have anything to hide, you should be open about it. If you aren’t upfront and honest – no matter what the reason and what actual level of guilt is there – she could be incredibly hurt when the truth comes out.

6. Any lies about money… Period.

If you’re broke, your partner should care enough about you to look past it. If you’re rich, well – 3. leaving this information out is basically assuming that your partner is a gold-digger. (If it’s definitely true, then by all means, keep your value to yourself. This article isn’t for you.) And lying about what you spend your money on is just misleading – no matter what reasons you have!

If your relationship is still new, you don’t have to share everything, of course – but don’t make things up. (And if by chance you’ve been together long enough that it shouldn’t be a secret, she’s most likely going to find out about the lie, anyway.)

5. Oh, of course we have the same life goals!

It’s great if you and your partner have similar long-term goals, but that’s not always the case, and you shouldn’t sacrifice your dreams in order to make your partner happy. Any partner that would want you to isn’t worth your time.

Most life goals are compatible with one another, but if yours truly aren’t – such as she wants 10 kids and you don’t want any – maybe it’s best if you go your separate ways.

4. Pretending you don’t live with your parents, if you do.

There’s no shame in living with your parents – most cultures actually value the family unit staying together. But if your partner is from a culture that doesn’t (or, you’re staying with your parents for a different reason), you should be able to share that information. It’s not fair to anyone involved if you try and pretend it’s something it’s not.

3. No, honey, you’re my one and only.

Look, I get it – not everyone is good at monogamy. That’s not automatically a bad thing, because there are plenty of people who aren’t good at it. However, you shouldn’t be with someone who requires it if you can’t provide it. I have personally been in monogamous relationships and non-monogamous relationships, and I can say, the circumstances surrounding each are different.

But both parties should be able to weigh in on whether it’s something they can handle – and if you lie about it, you’re taking away her ability to make the decision for herself.

2. Pretending not to be allergic to something… if you are

I’ve put a little thought into this one, because I happen to be allergic to peanuts (among a few other things). While allergies can be a bit embarrassing sometimes, and a mild allergy can be mostly irritating, it’s important to realize that allergies have the potential to worsen over time.

I had an ex that I never told I was allergic to peanuts, so that I could sneak in some peanut butter every now and then. When I just got hives, it was no big deal – until the one time I sneaked a PowerBar and ended up in the hospital.

Not only did I end up having a severe reaction and wind up in the hospital, but my girlfriend found out and berated me for lying for the past year and a half. Whoops.

1. Just basically, stop lying to your partner… Period!

Honestly, what good is there in lying to your partner? If you can’t be truthful with her, the relationship is probably not a good fit. And why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you couldn’t have mutual trust and honesty with, anyway? Either they’ll be hurt when they find out that you’ve been lying, or they’re lying too. Either way, the end result is not good.

Well, can you think of any specifics that we’ve left off this list, or things that shouldn’t make a big difference? Let us know in the comments section!

7 Romantic Lesbian Movies For Your Next Date Night

Is it just me, or do most romantic movies ignore the fact that lesbians are a real thing?

Lesbian movies definitely exist, but they tend to be particularly low-budget (come on Hollywood, why?!) and therefore not well marketed.

They do exist, though – and some of them are quite good.

Here are some of my personal favorites. Look for them the next time you go looking for a new film for you and your love.

1. Better than Chocolate (1999) – Available on Netflix

Better than Chocolate tells the story of Maggie and Kim, a pair of lesbians in Canada. Kim is an artistic stud who is very out, while Maggie is an adorable femme who still hasn’t come out to her family yet.

Mayhem ensues when Maggie’s mom finds herself in the middle of a divorce and must come live with Maggie in her “spacious apartment” (that actually doesn’t exist).

Better than Chocolate

This movie explores a variety of different LGBT+ groups, including pansexuals and transgendered individuals, without sugar-coating the hardships they face. Definitely a must-watch.

2. But I’m a Cheerleader! (1999) – Available on Netflix

But I’m a Cheerleader! explores what goes on at a “gay recovery camp” called True Directions. Featuring stereotypical pink and blue colors and such highly-recognizable actors as Natasha Lyonne, Clea DuVall, and even (arguably the biggest) gay icon, RuPaul, this movie is sure to make it into your favorites.
But I'm a Cheerleader

What’s even better is that there’s actually a beautiful coming-out story hidden amongst the campy (pun intended) agenda and the cheesy humor. You’ll find yourself falling in love with the characters and caring deeply about how their individual stories turn out. (Plus, Natasha Lyonne… How can you not love it?)

But I'm a Cheerleader 01

3. Imagine Me & You (2005) – Available on Netflix

Ok, this one might not exactly fall in the lesbian category, as it deals with a woman (played by Piper Perabo) who begins to question her sexuality at her wedding – to a man.

While this may be considered damaging as it hinges on the stereotype of bisexual women being unable to remain faithful in their relationships, it does explore the segment of the gay community who didn’t imagine that they even could be gay until that one person came along and changed their mind.

Imagine Me & You 02

Piper Perabo and Lena Headey give a stellar performance, and their on-screen chemistry is phenomenal. (As a side note, the first time I watched this movie, I was on an 8-hour plane ride with my father… Before I came out. Pretty awkward.)

Imagine Me & You

4. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995) – Available on Netflix

Those who watch(ed) The L Word may recognize one of the main characters in this movie as a much-younger Tina Canard – it’s our very own Laurel Holloman, who seems such a good fit to play this young woman.

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love 03

After falling in love with someone who comes from an entirely different background, Randy (Holloman) finds herself rising above her circumstances in order to chase her true love.

It’s definitely a stereotypical lesbian love story, but that’s not a bad thing when you’re trying to cuddle with your lady, right?

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love 02

5. Loving Annabelle (2006) – Available on Netflix

Loving Annabelle takes a different approach; this movie tells the scandalous story of a teacher who falls in love with a troublemaker student. Set in a Catholic girls school, there is definitely a huge possibility of things going wrong here – and they definitely do! This isn’t your typical love story, for sure.


This deals with not only the chaos that is present in most homosexual relationships, but also the particular mayhem that occurs when a teacher falls in love with one of their students. Give it a watch if you’re looking for a different type of drama in your life.

6. 5ive Girls (aka “Five Girls”; 2006) – Available on Netflix

Let me start by saying that this movie is nothing like what I expected it to be. (When you hear about five girls stuck together in a Catholic reform school, as a teenage lesbian, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you imagine there’s going to be a lot of sex. There’s not.) However, if you are a fan of horror movies, this one’s sure to catch your interest.

5ive Girls

Basically, these five troublemakers discover – after being locked into the school – that they have the powers necessary to beat an evil demon that seeks to take their souls. Oh, and one of the girls is actually gay, so that’s a slight perk. Even though it’s not what it sounds like, if you’re a fan of survival/supernatural horror, this movie is definitely going to send you into the arms of your lady for some much-needed “baby-I’m-scared” cuddling.

7. Chasing Amy (1997) – Available on Netflix

“Chasing Amy” tells a different side of the story – what happens when a straight man falls in love with a lesbian, despite constantly being informed that she had no interest in men?

Well, a lot, apparently. Those who don’t feel that sexuality is fluid might be somewhat offended by this movie, as it operates in the principle that our sexuality is ultimately a conscious decision.

Chasing Amy

However, director Kevin Smith touches on these subjects gracefully, and actually explains quite well that there are certain criteria in place for these sexually-fluid points in our lives. If you approach it with an open mind, this movie is actually a bit romantic, although that’s definitely not its main intention.

Overall, these movies represent just a small portion of the movies out there that are made for lesbians (and technically the last two don’t even count as lesbian movies). However, they all warrant checking out, and all are available on Netflix (my search only turned up DVD rentals, but you may be able to find them online through other sources as well).

Is there a lesbian movie you think I’ve left out? Let me know in the comments and I will try to check it out!

Who Gets the Dog in a Break-Up?

Imagine this: You and your partner have been together for ten years. During this time, you get a dog together, and this dog is (for all intents and purposes) your baby. You take him with you to the store (obeying any posted signs regarding pets in stores, of course), you let him sleep in your bed, you buy him cute little clothes.

Your happy little family is complete, just the two of you and your fur-baby (or fur-babies) and you couldn’t be happier. Then one day, due to unforeseen circumstances, you and your partner break up. You both love the dog equally, and it’s not his fault that you two can’t work it out.

So… Who gets to keep the dog?

Believe it or not, pet custody battles are a real thing, and they’re becoming more common – with as many as 1/5 of separating couples claiming that the custody regarding the pet is “as stressful as who gets the children”. As far as the law is concerned, pets are property, despite the common feeling that they are a part of the family.


Depending on your location, the specific laws regarding your rights may vary, although generally, it’s best if you can keep the matter out of the courts. However, particularly in relationships where no human life was created as a result, both parties often feel that the family pet is their child, and therefore neither wants to give him up.

Due to the way that the law is typically defined, if you can prove ownership of the animal (for example, a receipt stating that you were the one who paid for him or signed the original adoption papers), you will have a stronger case.

However, if your partner was the one who originally purchased the dog, or it was a mutual decision (or if no such receipt is available), you may still be able to claim “primary responsibility”. In this scenario, you will need other receipts: for veterinary care, for grooming, for food, and for toys.

This “primary caregiver” status can also be confirmed by neighbours or other impartial parties who may have seen that you were the one who typically cared for the dog – walking, interacting, and otherwise tending to the animal’s needs.


Keep in mind that your impartial parties may not feel the same way about pet ownership as you do, and might not be willing to testify as a witness to you. This can be a frustrating situation, as we often are unable to understand how some people can view a pet as just an animal while we treat them as if they were our own child.

Despite their legal standing as property, the drastic increase in these pet custody cases has led many attorneys to begin implementing an amicus curiae brief.

This process seeks to represent the best interest of the animal (the party the animal has a stronger bond with, who is more able to financially care for the animal, etc.).

However, not all attorneys are willing to do this, and you will need to check before seeking this type of counsel.

Why Do We Stay in Abusive Relationships?

It’s a scary fact: One in four women will likely be involved in an abusive relationship at some point in their lives, with women between 16 and 24 being particularly susceptible.

For those who have never been a victim, it can be difficult to understand why the woman doesn’t “just leave” when violence (or the threat of violence) becomes present. As someone who has personally been victimised by previous partners, I would like to shed a little light on the subject.

This is not to be considered advice to remain in a relationship that is not safe – if you are being abused, please seek help.

I understand that it can be difficult, but these problems often get much worse over time – not better.

The victim may need the perpetrator.

In scenarios where the victim is not able to support herself financially, she may stay with her violent partner out of fear of becoming homeless if she leaves.

In other cases, there may be children involved – the victim may feel obligated to “stay together for the children”, or they may stay out of fear of retaliation and/or fear for the safety of her children, if the violent partner were to gain partial or full custody.

Many are not aware of the warning signs of abuse.

Even though 82% of parents feel that they would be able to tell if their child was being abused, statistically, 58% were unable to identify all the warning signs.

Even victims of domestic abuse are often unaware of the many factors that can be considered abuse.

Many perpetrators of violence “disarm” their victim through emotional abuse.

Since the perpetrator is someone who the victim loves, they trust their partner when told “you made me do that” or “that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t ____.”

In my personal experience, the abusive partner had previously disclosed an issue of domestic abuse with the partner before me, but immediately wrote it off by saying “–but she made me do it, and I would never do that to you.” And, for three years, this was true – until the day it wasn’t.

Most instances of abuse progress gradually over an extended period of time.

There is a quote by Richard Beckham II that states, “If a frog is placed into a pot of boiling water it will immediately try to jump out; but if it’s placed into a pot of cool water that’s gradually heated until boiling, it will stay put and never try to jump out.”

This is a perfect analogy, as abuse is rarely immediate – in the beginning, the relationship will likely be ideal, and gradually become abusive over time.

In my situation, my abusive ex started off as my first love – I pined after her for years before we ended up together, and by that time I already had this idyllic image in my head of what she was.

Over the years, she began to abuse me – verbally and emotionally at first, and more violently as time went on. I forgave the instances she berated me in public, as well as the times she threw things at me or pushed me down, because “at least she’s not physically hurting me”.

Once this exploded and turned into her strangling me while telling me that she wished I would just die, all the signs clicked and I was able to get out – with the assistance of a roommate who distracted her long enough for me to run to a neighbour’s house for help.

However, not all women are able to get away, and unless you have been in the situation, you can’t understand how difficult it can be to get out.

If you suspect that you or someone you know may be the victim of domestic abuse (regardless of whether or not it has reached physical violence), it is important that you seek help. There are numerous resources available to victims and their concerned loved ones, although these resources will not reach out to you.

You must seek help to receive it. KitschMix urges their readers to seek out further information from the resources listed if there is any question.

If you feel that you might be a victim, you probably are – this intuition is rarely without just cause.

The ‘Carmilla’ Movie Trailer Is Out

The web series Carmilla has attracted millions of fans around the world over the last few years. So it’s only right that the show should be made into a feature film.

Inspired by the infamous novella by J. Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla is all about a girl called Laura (Elise Bauman), who has left her home town for the first time to attend Silas University, which boasts its own Gnostic Mathematics department, many clubs for the students to enjoy like the Alchemy Club, and an extensive library where the books will search for you.

It’s kind of like a queer-er Buffy, blended with Scooby-Doo, and little bit Veronica Mars style action.

The new movie will feature the stars of the web series, Elise Bauman and Natasha Negovanlis, who return for the supernatural spinoff film.

Watch the trailer below:

Thousands Reflect On Anniversary Of Pulse Nightclub Shooting in Orlando

Today marks the first anniversary of the Orlando massacre, a mass shooting in which members of our LGBTQ community lost their lives inside Pulse Nightclub.

A giant rainbow flag will be flown over the Orange County government building for the day, while flags across Florida will be flown at half-mast.

A closed service for survivors, local officials and club employees was held overnight to mark the exact time of the attack, which took place around 2 AM on the morning of June 12.


Orlando Mayor Bobby Dyer said:

June 12 was the darkest day in our City’s history and a day that will forever be reserved to honour the memory of the 49 innocent lives taken from us too soon. This tragedy has deeply impacted our LGBTQ+, Latinx, other communities of colour and our entire City.

Since the morning of June 12, 2016, we have come together to honor the victims, support their families and the survivors and thank our first responders in so many ways.

Following the Pulse tragedy, we showed the world that Orlando would not be defined by the act of a hate-filled killer, but instead defined by our response of love, compassion and unity. I am so proud that we are Orlando United.”

Florida Governor Rick Scott said:

The horrific terror attack at Pulse attempted to rip at the seams of our society, strike fear in our hearts and divide us. Yet, in the face of extreme adversity and loss, Floridians showed resiliency, bravery and love. Over the past year, our state, the city of Orlando and the many Floridians affected by this tragedy have shown incredible resolve as we continue to mourn the loved and lost.

As we pause to honour the 49 victims of this tragic attack this Monday, my wife and I will say a prayer for each of them and their families.

We will also be reminded of all the people who helped others in need. The law enforcement officers, first responders, medical personnel, faith and spiritual leaders and Central Florida families defined what Florida is all about. We care about each other and we came together when it was needed the most.

This was an attack on Orlando, our state, the Hispanic community and on the LGBTQ community. It left a solemn impact on our state that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.”

A number of events are being held throughout the city Monday, including two remembrance ceremonies for the general public at the club at 1912 S. Orange Ave.

Guests scheduled for the 11 a.m. event include the Orlando Gay Chorus, Mayor Buddy Dyer, Mayor Teresa Jacobs, the Rev. Terri Prayer, some of the first responders and live music.

The evening service at 10 p.m. at Pulse will feature songs, prayers, inspirational dance, reflection and music.

An event called Orlando Love: Remembering Our Angels is also set for the Lake Eola Park Amphitheater at 7 p.m. and will feature musical performances and remarks by community leaders.

The expanded One Orlando Collection and Digital Gallery will be open at The Orange County History Center from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday. Admission is free.

Yara Greyjoy And Ellaria Sand: Will ‘Game Of Thrones’ Kill With A Kiss Again?

A trailer for Game of Thrones Season 7 teases a lesbian kiss – and it could seriously upset the power balance of the show.

The latest trailer for the fantasy series dropped this week, and it has left us absolutely wanting more.

Jon Snow is announcing that the great war is here, Cersei is ready to murder literally anyone, and Dany’s dragons are ready to GO.

However – blink-and-you’ll-miss-it – at 1:22, the trailer teased a kiss between Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand!

Yara Greyjoy, who was revealed to be a lesbian last season, was most recently seen in Mereen, agreeing to an alliance with everyone’s favourite mother of dragons, Daenerys Targaryen.

Greyjoy pledged the Iron Fleet to form part of Daenerys’ massive invasion force, giving a boost to her bid to claim the Iron Throne.

We had speculated that the show might embrace Daenerys’ bisexuality, which featured heavily in the books, by connecting her to Yara.

However, the clip suggests she has her sights set on a different ruler – Ellaria Sand.

While we know Ellaria is a crafty one (the last woman she kissed ended up dead, RIP Myrcella), we’re not getting the feeling that this is a trick.

The trailer apparently confirms that Dorne has joined the invasion, and the two women could be one hell of a couple, bringing two of the seven kingdoms with them.

You can see the moment in the trailer below. Game of Thrones returns on July 16.


Here’s Why An Open Relationship Is Actually Good For You, According to Science

A lot of people spend their time worrying whether or not their sexual desires and practices fit in with what society deems “normal.”

Well, fret not my friends, because that’s a hot load of garbage.

Some of the allegedly “taboo” sex acts society savagely judges and looks down upon are actually really, really good for your relationships and mental health, and the ones labeled “normal” are the ones that, well, kinda suck.

Most people frown upon polyamory, but little do they know that couples who are in open relationships are way, way happier, and more fulfilled than the naysayers. If honestly and openly dating more than one person at a time is your cup of tea, this pertains to you.

As we all know, one of the secret ingredients to a successful relationship is communication, which is where a lot of traditional couples fall short.

Polyamorous couples have a relationship built on honesty, trust, and obviously, openness, so there is no lying or sneaking around. Unlike cheating monogamous people.

If polyamorous Cindy really hits it off with polyamorous Stacie, she talks about it with her girlfriend, polyamorous Barbie, who is also dating polyamorous Ken at the same time. Barbie is okay with Stacie, Cindy is okay with Todd, and everyone is happy.

And now a new study is backing up this theory.

Researchers at the University of Michigan, analysed different relationships among participants older than age 25. The sample included more than 2,100 people, with about 1,500 individuals in monogamous relationships and around 600 in committed non-monogamous relationships.

The group rated relationship components: satisfaction, commitment, trust, jealousy and passionate love, which is the intense love feeling often described in new relationships.

Researchers found no differences between monogamous and consensual open participants in terms of satisfaction and passionate love.

However, levels of jealousy were lower and trust was higher among those engaged in committed open relationships.

The researchers also tackled the assumption that people in open relationships don’t care about each other enough to be happy in their primary relationship.

The team found that an individual had more satisfaction, trust, commitment and passionate love in their primary mate than in their secondary relationship.

Lead author Dr Terri Conley, an associate professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Michigan; said

On the other hand, people in open relationships were significantly less satisfied and less committed to their relationship than their monogamous counterparts.

Overall, the outcomes for monogamous and consensual non-monogamous participants were the same – indicating no net benefit of one relationship style over another.”


Seven Perfect Ways to Propose

It’s almost the holiday season, and love is in the air!

You’ve been dating your girlfriend for a while, and you’re absolutely sure that she’s the one. All that’s left is to pop the question.

Treasure Hunt

Take her to the spot where you first met, and guide her step by step on a treasure hunt for items based on your memories together. For example, bury a copy of the first letter you ever left on her doorstep, or hide a box of your favorite photographs.

For the last step of the treasure hunt, lead her somewhere where all of your friends and family are waiting. Then get down on one knee.

Surprise Proposal – Lesbian

Musical Number

Using her favorite song, a song that has a lot of significance to your relationship, or an original composition, create a musical slideshow of photographs.

In the final photo, ask her to be your wife.

Best same sex proposal !!! (warning will make you cry)

Graduation Day

Graduation isn’t just about finishing college, it’s also about starting a new life, and graduation proposals are becoming increasingly popular. With the permission from the party organizers, plan a graduation party proposal that your girlfriend will remember – present her with a ring as her friends and family members cheer.


Commencement and emotional (Lesbian) Proposal 2015

Love Languages

Compose a song, poem or story for your girlfriend, incorporating inside jokes or words that only you two understand. Similarly, if you’ve traveled the world together or if you each come from different cultures, incorporate words, phrases and idioms from different languages. After all, is one language really enough to express how much you love her?

Lesbians Travel World: The Big Marriage Proposal in the Philippines

High on Love

Push her out of a plane. Not maliciously – do it during a skydiving trip. While you’re both twirling through the clouds, your friends will write “Will you marry me?” on the ground in large cutout letters so that your girlfriend can read it from the sky. When she lands, the question will knock her off her feet again.


Lesbian Marriage Proposal – Andie & Lucy 10-18-14

Rose Ceremony

Different colors of the same flower have different meanings. For example, pink roses mean gratitude while lavender roses signify enchantment.

Arrange an intimate rose ceremony with your closest friends and family. Each guest will read the meaning of the flower – “A pink rose for the gratitude your girlfriend feels for having you in her life” – and then hand it to your girlfriend. At the end of the ceremony, she’ll have a bouquet of roses, a heart full of love and a girlfriend who’s dropping down to one knee.


Kisha’s Surprise Proposal (The Lesbian Edition)

BONUS: The couple in this video isn’t lesbian, but it’s still a wonderful idea.

If your girlfriend is a Disney enthusiast or a musical theatre nerd, enlist her friends to dress up as her favorite characters and sing. How can your girlfriend say no to a soulful rendition of “Kiss the Girl”?

A Disney Surprise Proposal (Stephanie and Casey)


How To Come Out As Butch

Some people are supportive of lesbians – but only if they look a certain way. That “way” is usually thin, feminine, and unthreatening to gender binaries or to men.

If you feel more masculine – aka stud, butch, or masculine-of-center – then starting to express your masculinity can be more stressful than coming out in the first place.

Being butch means you’ll often be read as gay immediately. It means that people who initially supported your sexuality may be suddenly uncomfortable.

It means your friends and family may question who you are. How do you transition from feminine to butch smoothly?

1. Start small.

If you don’t feel comfortable changing your entire wardrobe overnight, then start with small changes. One day, wear a men’s button-up with women’s skinny jeans. Another day, wear a dress with a men’s snapback. Experiment with bow ties, men’s sweaters, suits, argyle socks, and trousers.

Not only will this allow people to acclimate to your new gender expression, but you’ll also be able to acclimate to their reactions. Over time, raised eyebrows won’t even faze you.

2. Find your style.

Men’s fashion is very diverse, so give yourself room to experiment. Although you may think you identify with a specific style – are you a dapper qt? or a hipster john? – that may change as you explore.

Read men’s fashion blogs. Read women’s menswear blogs. Shop at thrift stores. Order basic men’s pieces from Forever 21 and H&M so that you can mix and match. Browse international streetwear stores. Hit pop-up shops. Steal from your brother.

 3. Be cool with your female days.

Just because you start to identify as butch, that doesn’t mean you have to present as butch all the time. Gender is nuanced and gender expression can be even more so.

Some days you might wake up wanting to wear a dress. That doesn’t make you a fake or a fraud; it’s just the way your body wants to express itself that day, so honor it.

4. Don’t be homophobic.

Some butch women won’t date butch women because it’s too “gay,” as if it would be like two men dating. Not only does that mentality insinuate that gay men should be ashamed, but it also heavily implies that gay female relationships are only okay as long as one partner is more feminine than the other.

Masculinity and femininity aren’t necessary for a relationship. So don’t react like a homophobic straight man when you see two butch people together, or when your feminine friend asks your opinion on another stud.

5. Don’t be a misogynist.

Similarly, it’s depressingly easy and common for butch women to internalize heteronormative anti-women attitudes. etc. A butch woman may call women weak, may be possessive or even abusive, may objectify women – and then excuse her behavior because she’ s a woman too. Being a woman isn’t a hall pass for problematic behavior.

6. Be yourself.

Expressing yourself as stud or butch can be confusing, but at the end of the day, it’s worth it if you’re being true to yourself. On difficult days, keep that in mind. Every struggle brings you closer to the person you were meant to be.

Keke Palmer’s New Song Highlights A Sexist Double Standard About Cheating

‘To change the thoughts of men, it takes a real woman to reverse his psychology’ reads the opening message in Keke Palmer‘s new video for Reverse Psychology.


The track features a role reversal similar to Beyoncé’s If I Were a Boy, in which Palmer asks her cheating boyfriend how he would feel if she used the same excuses.

What if I told you I was out loving another man? What if I told you it didn’t mean a thing? / What if I told you that I loved you so, but these hoes, I can’t let go? / Could you handle all the things that you told me? / How about some reverse psychology?”


Talking to Billboard, Palmer explained about the underlying meaning of the song.

I think for me, especially with the continuation of my shadow kids, it’s all about awareness.” She adds, “I think, while staying true to myself and whatever my current disposition is, it’s important for me to display consciousness or the process of being aware of your thoughts as a young person. Whether it be abstract or actual or both.” Her “shadow kids” were first introduced in her “Enemiez” video, which she says represents her conscience.

Watch Keke Palmer’s latest offering below.


Mara Wilson Admits To Feeling “Upset” By The Unprecedented Reaction Her Identification As Bisexual

Mara Wilson – famous for her roles in Mrs. DoubtfireMatilda, and Miracle On 34th Street – has a flourishing following on Twitter and often answers questions from fans on her page.

However, she did not expect the reaction she would get across the world for one reply to a simple question about her sexuality. 

Early this year, Wilson, told fans she identified as bisexual after sharing a picture of herself, aged 18, in a gay club in the wake of the Orlando nightclub shootings.

She said the LGBTQ community always felt like home, “especially a few years later when I, uh, learned something about myself”.

When asked by one fan if she identified as bisexual, she responded by describing herself as a ‘2’ on the Kinsey scale. The Kinsey scale ranges from exclusively heterosexual (0) to exclusively homosexual (6).

Two relates to being predominately heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual.

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Wilson said

I was very upset for a few days. I was like, ‘How could I have done this?’ It was an impulsive decision. It was definitely an impulsive, emotional decision. I did not expect it to trend on Facebook.”

Her tweets made news internationally, shaping the narrative of her coming out story.

She admitted that if she could do it again, it would not be in that way.

Ideally, I was wishing it would be because I was dating Janelle Monáe or something.”

After the death of her mother from cancer while she was filming Matilda and her struggle with OCD and anxiety, Wilson stepped away from the public eye. She attended New York University and has spoken in the past about her battle with self-confidence and self-image, telling People in August:

I always knew there were girls much prettier than I was, and I knew that I was always competing with them. That has followed me my whole life.”

Wilson’s book, Where Am I Now? Stories of Girlhood and Accidental Fame, marks her first deliberate foray back into the public eye.

Creator Of ‘Last Tango in Halifax’ Says She Made A Mistake By Killing Off Lesbian Character

It was a sad day when BBC drama Last Tango In Halifax  killed off heavily pregnant Kate (Nina Sosanya) in a car crash last year, just after finally marrying partner Caroline.

At the time, the show’s writer Sally Wainwright said that it was a ‘myth’ that lesbians always get killed off and that “people get killed off all the time”.

Wainwright also explained that it was a “narrative” decision, which caused further backlash from the show’s fans as they didn’t feel like Kate’s death added anything to the plot.


Many criticised the trend of killing off lesbians on TV – known mockingly as ‘Dead Lesbian Syndrome’ – the running joke in the queer female community is that if there’s a lesbian in a show, you can almost guarantee that she’ll be offed by the end of the season.

Wainwright said:

It was a shock. I didn’t realise how attached the audience had become to that relationship and to those two characters.

Of the criticism, she said: “I found it hard and I regretted it. I do think I made a mistake. I wished I had found a better story.”

Davies said:

It might be one of my least favourite things that you ever wrote, partly because it was off-stage… I think you were trying to make the point that death is random and off-stage, but it had the effect of it being an off-stage death.

It’s really unfortunate that you walked slightly into the world of those lesbian deaths, that extraordinary numbers of lesbian characters end up being killed off.

What people miss is that Caroline is alive and the heart of the drama and she’s a lesbian as well, but it’s tough getting criticism.”

He added:

You know, I could have told you that you were going to have that flack! [When I found out] you were doing that story… I gasped! Because I know the gays quite well, I thought ‘oh my god that’s going to be trouble!’

I’m kicking myself [for not warning you].”

Wainwright added:

I was on the cusp and wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. You worry afterwards if you could have worked harder or if it was a lazy choice because those were the criticisms.”

The fourth season of the show is expected to air later this year, so look out for more Last Tango In Halifax then.

12 Signs You’re Dating A Writer (Even If She Doesn’t Realize She’s A Writer)

Writers really are a weird bunch. I’m not even just talking about professional writers (although I think we might be the weirdest bunch of all), but there’s something about us that non-writers just don’t really understand. It’s not your fault, either – sometimes, we can’t even understand ourselves, but somehow we manage to understand each other. (How weird is that, anyway?)

Whether your girlfriend is still keeping scrap notes in her nightstand or she’s graduated to publishing articles all over the internet, these 12 things pretty much tell you that she’s a writer at heart – so encourage her to reach for her dreams!

1. She keeps a blog with a super creative title.

I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s going to point out that most blogs aim for a creative title. I’d like to remind those people that blogging is, in fact, writing – and is the first platform that most writers use to showcase their work publicly. Even if her blog posts seem like mindless drivel to her, it’s just a sign that she needs to write.

2. She has a compulsive need to write.

We can’t explain why we feel the need to write everything down, but writers often have compulsions that deal with writing. Personally, I need my journal to get through the day – even if I don’t actually use it, I feel naked if it’s not in my bag. And if it’s not a journal, it’s a notebook, a pad of sticky notes, or even an app on her phone. One way or another, she needs an outlet for her extra words.

3. Literary puns absolutely tickle her.

I think everyone probably has a love/hate relationship with puns, but if your girlfriend is legit obsessed with puns that only major bibiophiles will get, there’s a good chance that she’s a writer (or maybe just an avid book junkie – although the two tend to cross paths a lot).

4. She definitely judges people based on the books they like.

She’s not going to talk down on you if you haven’t read her favorite, but if your home library consists entirely of a) anything 50 Shades, b) anything by Stephenie Meyer (not to be confused with KitschMix’s own Stephanie Meyer), or c) only the books that Oprah recommends, your relationship is probably heading… nowhere. Fast.

5. She tries to keep a planner, but it really turns into more of a journal.

After all, there’s a saying in the writing world that this job is 10% work and 90% not getting distracted on the internet. Actually planning when inspiration will strike is really hard, and sometimes we get so wrapped up in the things that we need to get out of our brains (like, ASAP) that our actual need-to-do-this-today plans get a little fuzzy, to say the least.

6. “Netflix-and-chill” means something totally different to her.

In fact, if she invites you over for a Netflix date, you can pretty much count on her wanting to rehash the plot holes and anachronisms and random trivia about the actors. Oh, and if you suggest a movie that’s based on a book? Chances are she’s read the book and can give you a 1,500-word essay about why the movie was a terrible adaptation.

7. Her “downtime activities” almost always involve a notebook.

In fact, most people won’t carry a notebook with them unless they “think” they’ll need it. Writers are different because we know that everything can be inspiration, and we simply can’t trust ourselves to hold onto each gem until we get back home to our slightly-obsessive notebook collections. Might as well keep one in the car, one on the nightstand, one in the kitchen, one in the bathroom… You know… Just in case.

8. When inspiration or curiosity strike her, they require immediate action.

That’s why she has so many notebooks. It has nothing to do with how awesome they are – she’s got to keep a log of everything she thinks she’ll want to Google. Or everything she did Google. Or that amazing idea she saw on Pinterest. It doesn’t really matter what it is – if she can’t handle it right that minute, it needs to be written down so she can research it later.

9. That “research” is carefully organized for future reference.

Okay, so she might not ever need to reference where the first Ferris wheel debuted (ahem… Chicago), or why men have nipples (because everyone starts out biologically female), or the 101 different uses for apple cider vinegar… But she knows that there is some chance that it’ll come in handy, so she makes a note somewhere. You know. Just in case.

10. She thinks indie bookstores and coffee shops are the most romantic places on the planet.

She might even long for her storybook romance that starts with two people reaching toward the same eclectic first-edition… Even if she’s madly in love with you. But you’ll let her have her fantasy, right?

11. She has ever taken a non-required (or not-for-credit) English class.

Let’s face it… The English language is something that you pretty much either love or hate. Writers, on the other hand, live somewhere in between. It’s been said that writing is harder for writers than for non-writers, because we’re so precious about it. So, if your girlfriend has ever taken a writing or English class “just for fun”, it’s secretly because she’s a perfectionist who wants to improve her craft.

12. Lastly, she fully appreciates the magic of simplicity and the underlying beauty of the mundane.

More than anything else, writers have a passionate relationship with words. (Please note that passionate doesn’t always mean loving – it truly is a conundrum in itself. We painstakingly obsess over using the “wrong words”, yet we take in the magic that comes from the mouths of children and yearn to have imaginations like theirs.

I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single other hobby or career that has full-grown adults envying the talents of toddlers, but creativity definitely gets harder as we get older.

In turn, we learn the absolute beauty of the things that are around us. Where non-writers might see a gorgeous star-filled night sky, a writer sees a blanket full of diamond, sapphire, and topaz. Where a non-writer sees a field of tall grass, we see a green and gold river that changes directions with the wind. Her poetic views of the world can reassure you that there really is something to smile about, even in the worst of situations. When everything is going wrong, your writer girlfriend reminds you that it’s not a failure – it’s a plot twist that’s forming your character arc. Remember that, and don’t forget to thank the writer in your life!

What It’s REALLY Like Dating With Anxiety

If you’ve never struggled with anxiety, it can be really hard to understand what an anxious person goes through on a daily basis. Sure, there’s the obvious things – like freaking out over things that don’t make sense to a non-anxious person – but there’s also a bunch of behind-the-scenes stuff that you probably don’t realize. For someone with anxiety, even the simplest things can seem like a chore, and things that are already associated with stress and uncertainty – like navigating the dating scene – can be absolutely unbearable.

That’s not to say that dating someone with anxiety is always bad, though. In fact, people with anxiety disorders are, at their core, perfectly normal – whatever that might mean.

“Anxiety” is really just a blanket term.

When we hear the word “anxiety”, it usually conjures up this picture of someone curled up in a ball, or maybe hyperventilating into a paper bag. The reality is that anxiety is so much more than that, though. Anxiety disorders are actually really common, especially once you consider that it’s not a single diagnosis. It’s so many things wrapped up into one term. It’s easier that way, though – telling someone you have anxiety is a lot simpler than telling them you have PTSD, OCD, or extreme phobias. (But, just to be clear, all of these things fall under the label of “anxiety disorders”.)

There are probably a few different anxiety disorders hidden in there.

The scariest part of anxiety (for me) is the fact that it’s very rarely just one thing. Anxiety disorders are notorious for having other concurrent disorders, and someone suffering from one anxiety disorder is more likely to experience other anxiety disorders. Personally, I’ve got touches of PTSD, OCD, social phobias, and seismophobia (an intense fear of earthquakes), as well as non-anxiety-specific issues (specifically, non-specified tic disorder and ED-NOS). In the context of the dating scene, any number of these things can make things really, really difficult, so dating is often a struggle.

Doubt is a part of our daily lives.

When dating someone who struggles with anxiety, you need to understand that doubt is literally a part of our diagnosis. Anxiety disorders are notorious for making people feel like everything they do is wrong, so it’s really important that we only date people who alleviate some of this doubt. It’s not your responsibility to fix us, but if you make things worse, you could seriously screw up our whole world – so try really, really hard to be a good person.

Some days, going out just isn’t an option.

I tend to think of myself as an introvert, as many other anxious people do. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy spending time with friends and family – but I have my limits, and sometimes those limits come a little sooner than I want them to. To the person dealing with anxiety, it’s tough to make plans too far in advance – no matter how much we want to – because we really can’t predict when we’re going to have a “bad day”. If we bail at the last minute, it probably doesn’t mean we don’t want to go. More likely, it means that we’re just struggling a little more than usual, and we need someone who can understand that.

You’re allowed to ask questions.

In fact, it’s encouraged. We might not be able to put our disorder fully into words, but that doesn’t mean that we’re trying to keep things a secret. It’s actually therapeutic to talk things out, so it means so much when the person we’re trying to date is actually trying to understand what we’re going through. Please don’t assume you know what we’re thinking – that might just make things worse. Instead, take the time to ask what’s going on, and try to be patient with us if we can’t really explain it too well.

Plans are a catch-22.

For most people with anxiety disorders, no matter what the specific diagnosis might be, often feel drawn to the idea of planning ahead. In our minds, we feel a need to solve problems before they actually come up. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t exactly let us plan as far ahead as we’d like to, and there’s a good chance that following through with our plans could trigger an anxiety attack. If we bail on plans with you, please try to understand that it’s not that we’re flaky – it’s just that our minds are totally unpredictable and sometimes we sabotage ourselves.

Our anxiety does not define us.

Perhaps the most important thing to realize about anxiety is that it’s not a summary of our lives – it’s just one piece of the puzzle. There are people with anxiety who you might never think had anxiety – sometimes, things are easier than others. That doesn’t mean that our anxiety is gone, any more than our harder days mean that we’re just an anxious person. Anxiety isn’t everything, even if it does control most of what we do. We’re still wonderful, incredible people, who just happen to have a mental illness. If you’re not able to separate us from our disorders, the relationship won’t work out. Try to remember that life is totally unpredictable, and that there are always going to be good days and bad days. Understanding that is the first step toward a happy and healthy relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety.

Research Suggests You’ll Have To Wait Until You’re 30 Before You Fall In Love

According to a group of researchers who set out to discover milestone’s in people’s lives, we have to hit our 30’s before we find happiness and success. The survey was carried out in the UK and involved 2000 participants who averaged that we are healthiest at 30 and more confident with our bodies by the time we hit 31.

In all honesty this doesn’t surprise me because women often change their careers a few times, full in love a few times and change our minds 100’s of times about many things before we are sure about what we want. Perhaps it’s because women have so many more options now regarding their lifestyle and career choices and we explore different paths until we know for sure exactly what we want?

The research suggests we are best at sex by the age of 32 and the happiest in our relationships when we hit 40. Well that doesn’t sound too bad to me. If sex is quite good for you now in your 20’s, imagine how good it will be in your 30’s! ON a not so great note we reach the peak of our careers around the age of 38 and earn our dream salary at the age of 42. Darn, I want that now, now, now!

Robert Waldinger, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School has devoted his career to an area of research called ‘the pursuit of happiness.’ The study has been going on for 75 years and he is an expert on what gives us contentment, regardless of our profession or social status. During a talk about the research he said that:

“Good relationships keep us healthier and happier, period.”

Well girls, if you haven’t found true love and contentment yet, don’t despair, it’s on its way! And if you already feel happy and contented in your career and love life, imagine how great you are going to feel by the time you hit 40 and it’s even better? So in the meantime, let’s enjoy changing our minds, growing in confidence and finding true love.

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How Old Is Too Old For A Safe Pregnancy?

Many women now opt to have children when they are in their 30’s and 40’s and some women are choosing to wait until they are in their 50’s. Some women prefer to travel and enjoy their career before making the decision to have a baby, but what are the dangers?

Last month scientists announced they had discovered a way to reverse the menopause and rejuvenating women’s ovaries which means later life pregnancies could become a definite possibility. A few weeks ago an Australian woman gave birth at the age of 62 with the help of IVF and it has raised the debate again of whether a woman should have a baby at such a later stage in her life.

A woman’s ability to conceive naturally lessons as she get’s older. Our eggs are stored in our ovaries and released every month when we menstruate. Apparently around 400 eggs are released monthly until the 4 million we started with are all gone and we hit the menopause.

The number of women having children in their 30’s has doubled over the last 25 years when it was more common for women to get pregnant in their 20’s.  So what are the risks getting pregnant later on in life?

Apparently women over the age of 30 are twice as likely to suffer from complications such as pre-eclampsia (life threatening high blood pressure) and twice as likely to have gestational diabetes.  The risk of dying during pregnancy or Childbirth increases along with the risk of the unborn baby having downs syndrome and more than half of women aged 40 or over need a caesarean and can’t give birth naturally which can cause complications for both mother and unborn child.

These risks get worse when a woman waits until she is in her 40’s or 50’s. Mothers in this age group are 5 to 6 times more likely to die after the first few weeks of giving birth compared to younger mothers. There is also more chance a woman will have a miscarriage than a live birth in this age bracket and babies born to mothers of this age are 2 times more likely to be born prematurely and have a low birth rate.

IVF is an option many women take when deciding to have a baby later on in life as it can give a greater chance of success, especially if the woman has gone through or is going through the menopause. The woman can take a donor egg and embryo from a younger, fertile woman which gives her a better chance of getting pregnant.

But this is also risky as a pregnancy later in life puts a woman at a higher risk of a stroke. IVF also has a smaller chance of success the older the mother is. Some IVF clinics do not offer IVF treatment to women over 50 but there is no law that suggests a cut off age so clinics can take each case on an individual basis.

Deciding to have a baby later on in life is something a woman should consider carefully to make sure she understands the risks involved and can make an informed decision on whether a later life pregnancy is the best option for her and her unborn baby.

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My Favourite Picks From Kitsch Kandy’s Summer Sale

I don’t usually get too excited about big sales (especially lately while I’m saving for my next big holiday, and making an effort to be especially frugal).

But when Kitsch Kandy has their summer sale, you just don’t ignore it. clothes

Kitsch Kandy is a web store that aims to cater for those whose style and personality does not conform to the traditional thoughts of society – women and femininity, males and masculinity.

They offer both home furnishings and fashion items that are aimed perfectly at lesbians and others in “marginalized” groups. While these gift items don’t scream “super gay”, they are designed to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin – whatever that means for you.

From jackets to underwear and T-Shirts to jeans and home goods, there are plenty of new items available at hugely discounted prices.

clothesWhen the sale event comes to an end, all items return to their regular prices. So these aren’t end-of-season or overstock items they’re trying to get rid of. They are brand new items on sale for a very limited time.

Plus they’re also offering a HUGE 20% extra off this week, which includes sale items too. Just use the promo code EXTRA20

It is, by far and away, the best time to snag new goodies at majorly discounted prices. And because I adore this sale oh so much, I decided to share it with all of you.

The items you see above are the ones I am specifically eyeing. Some are way out of my price range, but hey, I can still look at them, right?

I’m going to treat myself to a couple of the more realistically price items, although I’m still not able to completely narrow it down. I need to get on it though – I don’t want to miss out.

Who else is taking advantage of the best sale of the year? Any other Kitsch Kandy fans in the house?

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7 Ways You’re Unintentionally Sabotaging Your Chances At Love

Are you fed up with a dull love life that’s seriously lacking in long-term relationship potential? I think we’ve all had that phase in our lives where it seems like finding someone to settle down with is the most important thing – or, at least those of us who consider ourselves deeply romantic have. But if you’re making one of these 7 dating scene disasters, you’re probably setting yourself up to fail.

1. You’re looking too hard.

It’s been said thousands upon thousands of times, but it still rings as true as the first time it was said: You can’t find love if you’re desperate for it. When you focus your life around finding your perfect soul mate, you’re missing the chance to be the best version of yourself. In order for someone else to truly accept you for yourself, you need to lead by example.

Discovering the things you love about yourself will help you clarify the things you want your partner to like about you. Likewise, discovering the things you don’t like about yourself tells you the things you need your partner to love about you. Being a good partner isn’t about doing everything right in the relationship – it’s about being the right person for the person you find.

More than just ignoring the rest of your life, though, focusing too hard on finding the perfect girlfriend, you’re completely looking over all the great ones. It’s nice to find your soul mate, but true love has to be crafted by hand, with care – you’re not going to just happen upon the person who’s exactly what you want. That type of perfection takes years of working toward mutual goals.

2. You’re not looking hard enough.

While focusing your life around finding a girlfriend isn’t a good way to go, it’s also possible that you’re not actually looking for a girlfriend enough. Well, that is to say that you could be unconsciously avoiding all the places your dream woman spends her time. It’s been said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting a different result – are you still going to the same places you’ve never met someone before?

Human growth and development requires us to break out of our comfort zones from time to time. Whether this is something simple, like going out to the bar all by yourself, or something totally new, like hiking through the Grand Canyon with a spirit guide, you need to have some excitement in your life!

Be careful, though – if you’re going out of your way to do things you know you don’t like, just to meet someone, you’re not going to like the women you meet. The whole point of trying new things to meet someone is so that you’ll meet someone you have shared interests with. Do the things you love, and you’ll find the person you love later.

3. You’re looking in the wrong places.

We started to get into this one already, but there’s a little more to the “wrong places” than just sticking to things you enjoy. It’s also important to remember that the world is not just one big dating site, and there are people out there who aren’t looking for love or romance. If the general atmosphere of the venue doesn’t give off a “looking to mingle” sort of vibe, play it safe and stick to polite conversation.

Even if the scene is set for romantic connections, remember to be respectful of the people you talk to. It’s easy to forget that no one really owes us anything, so just because someone agrees to talk to you doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to go home with you. Remember that you have a responsibility to be the best version of yourself that you possibly can – so start making some better first impressions!

4. Your expectations are too high (or too specific).

My absolute favorite romantic movies are the ones where the couple starts off being unable to stand each other and then, over the course of the film, they start to realize that they’re madly in love with each other. The romances where they hit it off right away and get married on the third date? No, thanks – that doesn’t sound like anything that’s sustainable long-term. I want a romance that builds over the years, not just a wildfire that’s out in a few weeks.

If you expect that you’re going to find love at first sight, you’re hoping for a psychological impossibility. Although we use the word “love” to refer to the feelings we have for a person, it’s actually a description of the things we do for a person, and the specific reasons we have feelings for them. Love is so much more than just those butterflies you get when you see someone attractive.

Trust, love, and respect are all interconnected, and all three take time to develop. (There’s also a bit of chemistry and biology in play, too, but that’s another subject for another day.) If you’re dismissing the people who are truly good to you, just because they don’t sweep you off your feet, you might be throwing away your one true love. Isn’t it more important to focus on the things you need, instead of the things you want?

5. You don’t know what you’re looking for.

Obviously, too specific of goals makes it really difficult to find what you’re looking for. However, too general of goals are also bad, because you won’t have the right framework to judge your potential future partners against. Remember, this isn’t about how they compare to your ex – it’s about how they compare to your strengths and weaknesses.

All too often, we think we want someone just like us, because we figure we’ll get along pretty well. But when we talk to people who are like us, we don’t really find them attractive, or they annoy us to an unreasonable extent. Then, we get frustrated because we end up falling for someone who’s our total opposite – and then we can’t stand actually being with them.

Instead, we should focus on someone who complements us without trying to change us. Your perfect match is the person whose strengths make up for your weaknesses, and whose interests complement yours. When someone says that they’re looking for someone to complete them, what they probably don’t realize they mean is that they need someone who helps fill in their loose edges. For example, I tend to be more analytical, but I’m most drawn to people who are spontaneous. It’s about finding the person who will bring balance into your life.

6. You don’t care about your appearance.

Everyone wants to think that they’re not so shallow that they form opinions based on external appearances. While most people can look past a bad first impression and get to know someone before they decide anything, that doesn’t change the fact that first impressions are usually very shallow. We all make subconscious judgments about people based on the way they look or act, even if we don’t use these judgments for any specific purpose.

If you’re trying to give yourself the best chance of finding love, you’ll need to actually pay attention to the way you present yourself. We’re not necessarily talking about being fashionable – although that certainly is an option – but do take care that your clothes are presentable and comfortable to you. Wearing clothes that aren’t really your style will make you appear less confident and possibly even insecure – not really a great combo for picking up a date!

Thankfully, you can look good without making it your sole purpose in life. Take some time to get comfortable with the things you wear, and get rid of anything that’s in bad shape or that doesn’t make you feel confident. If you wear makeup to impress others, even though you don’t really enjoy it, stop! Your appearance is more about doing the right things for your personal satisfaction, and finding a partner who embraces your unique style.

7. You don’t pay enough attention to your personal hygiene.

Believe it or not, as important as your appearance and presentation are, the way you smell is probably more important. We know that we should shower regularly, wash our clothes, and brush our teeth – but is that really all you should be doing? Unless you’re paying attention to the finer details of your self-care routine, too, you’re probably still not making the best first impressions. You want to smell good, without being overpowering – and it’s a very fine line, trust me.

Some women like to choose a “signature product line” that they think complements them well. This could be something as simple as a consistent shampoo, conditioner, and body wash combination, or it could be as complicated as 42 carefully-chosen products that work together to turn you from a self-proclaimed 7 to an absolute knockout. Other women prefer to collect a number of products and use them as they feel appropriate. (Personally, I have perfumes that are dedicated to go with certain outfits – don’t judge me.)

Whatever your personal product choices might be, you should take care to be clean and good-smelling, while avoiding any strong scents that can aggravate allergies. As someone who is allergic to a lot of smells, I’m acutely aware of how much of an impact smells can have. While you can’t really anticipate sensitivities, try to make sure your scents are subtle enough that you can give her air if she needs it – and, if you get a date, try not to wear that scent around her again.

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Park Chan-wook’s ‘The Handmaiden’ Gets An Official Release Date, And A New Sexy But Twisted Trailer

Following a brief foray into English-language filmmaking with Stoker, South Korean director Park Chan-wook returns with The Handmaiden.

His new thriller is actually an adaptation of the Sarah Waters’ novel Fingersmith, with the action moved from Victorian-era Britain to Japanese-occupied Korea.


The story focuses on an orphan girl (Kim Tae-ri), who is hired by a con man (Assassination‘s Ha Jung-woon) to win the trust of a wealthy heiress (Right Now, Wrong Then‘s Kim Min-hee), only to end up falling for her.

The new promo is light on plot and completely devoid of dialogue (perhaps to avoid scaring off American audiences), but it’s full of sensual imagery and high-stakes intrigue.

Above all, The Handmaiden looks sexy in a kinky way, like the movie Fifty Shades of Grey wishes it could be.

If you adored the sumptuous style and twisted vibe — The Handmaiden should be worth a peek.

6 Tips To Make Sure Every Arguemnt With Your Girlfriend Is A Productive One

Many people think that people in happy, healthy relationships don’t fight. The idea is that, if you’re not arguing, you must be agreeing… Right? Unfortunately, that’s not true.

If the people involved in a relationship never fight or argue, it’s actually a sign that their relationship is pretty screwed up. You see, we’ve all become too sensitive to human emotions, so we’d rather pretend we don’t have any than admit that they’re not always sunshine and rainbows.

However, just because you should argue with your partner doesn’t mean you should argue about everything. Choosing your battles is an essential skill – not just in your love life, but in your life in general – and they should never turn into an all-out brawl.

So, what can you do to make sure you’re only fighting the good fight?

Be clear about what’s important to you.

Are you fighting just to fight, or do you have a clear-cut goal in mind? If you’re upset about your partner not doing her fair share around the house, you need to address the issue specifically – not just tell her that she’s being lazy and/or immature. If the problem is that she’s acting shady, be clear about that – but don’t accuse her unless you know she’s actually cheating. You don’t need an annotated PowerPoint with a speech rehearsed, but you should know exactly what you’re fighting about, and focus on making it about what’s important – not just every complaint that crosses your mind.

It’s all too easy to let your emotions get the best of you when you’re fighting with your partner, but if you don’t even understand your own expectations, how is your girlfriend supposed to know what you want? Clear your mind, and make sure you’re fighting for the things that are actually important to you – not just the things that annoy you.

Refuse to name-call or attack her personality.

If you’ve let the anger build up for too long, it’s easy to get swept up in it and lash out. But when you resort to personal attacks and name-calling, you’re throwing away a lot of the relationship’s potential. These personal attacks and name-calling are hard to forget about, and can cause permanent damage to a person’s self-esteem (if their self-esteem is already low to begin with). More than just that, it’s rude and ineffective.

Any time you make a fight with your partner about anything other than what it’s really about, you’re taking away your power to fix the problem. You’re destroying your ability to mend the relationship, and instead you’re helping to break it apart. Words said out of anger can easily take over the whole conversation, and over time you might even train each other to ignore each other’s grievances – after all, if they’re just going to be personal attacks, your brain is going to want to tune them out. It’s human nature.

Resist the urge to yell.

When we think of a fight with our partner, we often feel like there are only two options: The passive aggressive or the active aggressive. We know that passive-aggressiveness makes it difficult to resolve conflicts, especially once it becomes habit, but active-aggressiveness isn’t effective, either. When you raise your voice, your partner is less likely to listen to what you’re saying, because it perceives it as negative. Our brains don’t like negative input, especially when given aggressively – so we tune it out.

More than just that, yelling about your problems makes it more likely that other people may overhear and try to intervene. In some cases, fighting is necessary, but when you’re inviting other people into your private drama, you’re inviting trouble, and giving people the impression that your relationship is open to outside opinions. Which brings us to…

Keep it between the two of you.

Personally, I’m not a very private person. I’m the type of person who posts pictures of her journal on her Instagram, and pictures of my failures on my Facebook timeline. But any time there’s another person involved, it’s not just your private life that you’re risking – it’s hers, too, and she deserves to have a little privacy.

So what are you supposed to do if you need to vent, or you need advice? Well, broadcasting your problems on your social media accounts isn’t the right place to start (even if you’re super vague about it). Stick with your most trusted friends and family members for advice, or find somewhere you can ask anonymously. If you just need to complain, write it all down – journaling is a time-honored way of “unpacking” your brain. And, most of all, don’t let anyone else rock the boat – your relationship isn’t for making everyone happy, it’s about making the two of you happy.

Keep your expectations fair and reasonable.

Change takes time, and a significant amount of effort – your partner has to want to change, or it’s never going to happen. You shouldn’t ever expect her to give up the things that make her happy, or the things that make her who she is. In fact, you shouldn’t expect her to change anything – if the relationship is worth more to her than what you need her to give up, she’ll make the change on her own. Pushing her into it will just cause more problems.

Even if your partner is ready and willing to make the changes you’d like her to make, that change is still going to take time. Even with dedication and commitment, improvement happens at a rate of about 1% per day – tops. This means that it’s going to take at least three months for the situation to go from total crap to something you want to be involved in. More than that, there’s no guarantee that the situation is going to improve every single day, especially if she isn’t fully on board with the idea. Be patient, and remember that catching the problem earlier increases your chances for getting back on the right track.

Don’t wait until there’s an explosion.

Lastly, the most important thing to remember when you’re dealing with relationship problems is that, like many other issues, the time it takes you to admit there’s a problem is directly proportionate to the amount of effort required to fix the problem. When a problem first starts, it’s usually not a very big deal, but it doesn’t take long for the human brain to start developing habits – so you’ll need to focus on making sure you’re developing good habits.

The longer you’ve had a habit, the harder it is to break, too. This means that the sooner you get on board with addressing the problems in your relationship, the greater your resolve will be ten years down the road. If, on the other hand, you allow yourself to habitually suppress your relationship needs, or refusing to admit your own shortcomings, you’re going to have a long, hard road ahead of you – not the type of relationship that most people look forward to. Keep your focus on fixing problems instead of denying them, and your relationship will stay on much more solid ground.

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How To Have A Healthy Relationship, According To Science

What makes the healthy relationship? Watch any mushy movie and you can spot it easily — it’s the couple that’s so clearly meant for each other, they end up together, and live happily ever after.

But in real life it’s never that easy.

Forming a trusting and positive partnership takes effort and time. And unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen overnight. For any relationship to grow strong and stay strong, you need to put in some work

However, according to relationship expert Talia Goldstein – CEO of white glove matchmaking service Three Day Rule – there are four major signs that makes a couple a good match.

If a relationship demonstrates each of these attributes, Goldstein explained, that’s how you know it’s built to last.

1. You travel the same way.

One of the easiest ways to tell if you’re a good match with your partner is to plan a trip together.

If one of you wants to hop in a RV and road trip to Mexico, while the other wants to fly first class and stay at a give star resort, that’s a sign that you aren’t a good fit.

Goldstein explains.

A good match is people who are willing and wanting to travel the same way. It’s indicative of your lifestyle. It could lead to problems down the road.”

For example, these lifestyle difference could come into play when it’s time to buy a house or pick an education path for your children, the expert explained.

If you have a really narrow mind about the way that you travel, you probably have that same mind-set in other aspects of your life.”

2. You have common interests that you love doing together.

It may seem intuitive, but a great way to tell if you are a good match with a person is to determine whether you have common interests.

That doesn’t mean that you just like the same sort of art or listen to the same sort of music.

Good matches not only enjoy similar things — they like doing those things together.

There should be at least two or three things you really like to do together. It should be about spending time together.”

And so, if you’re a couple who, for instance, enjoys going on long walks together, playing board games together or watching the same sport games together, you’re likely a good match.

3. Your relationship has the right balance.

Most of the successful pairings Goldstein has witnessed involves people that strike a perfect balance, where one of them is “the star” while the other is more of “the rock.”

“I found that the majority of my success stories fall into those categories, where sometimes one of them is outgoing and the life of the party, where the other is more stable and supportive.”

People with different energies tend to complement each other, whereas those who are both super outgoing or both extremely introverted don’t always go the distance.

If you have the yin and the yang, they balance each other out. I’ve found that balance works really well in a relationship.”

4. You’re with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

It seems like common sense — you should be with someone who makes you feel like you’re at your best. But of course, a lot of people end up in relationships where they don’t really feel like themselves.

Relationships where you truly feel like you’re the best version of yourself — that’s the best way to see if you’re a good match.”

Being in a relationship where you feel like yourself means that you don’t have to stretch to come up with topics to talk about.

It’s also when you feel at home with their group of friends, or feel comfortable lounging around in your pajamas with the other person.

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What To Consider Before Giving That Long-Distance Relationship A Chance

Long distance relationships are crazy things. Some people completely thrive in them, while other people can’t really deal with being so far away all the time.

I happen to fall somewhere in between – my best relationships have been ones where we spent a good deal of time traveling separately, but always came back together in the end.

Truthfully, there aren’t too many differences between what I like to call a “geographically-open relationship”, like mine, and the long-distance relationship you’re thinking about right now.

In both cases, the couple spends a great deal of time apart, and then comes back together to catch up on everything.

But where I only have to sleep alone for a few non-consecutive months a year, a longer-term long-distance relationship is going to mean a lot of alone time. Do you think you’re ready for that type of commitment?

You both really have to want it.

If you’re not both completely on board with the idea of being separated, you’re both going to end up being miserable. Long-distance relationships are often wrought with insecurities, dishonesty, a lack of trust, and inadequate communication. The effort involved is significantly greater than a relationship where you see each other every day, and you’re pretty much guaranteed to have sex a lot less often.

Phone sex is… Pretty awkward, actually.

When I was a teenager, I wondered how “phone sex operator” was actually a job. Then, once I was in my first long-distance relationship, I realized: Phone sex can be super creepy, especially if either one of you lives with other people. Sexting isn’t quite as awkward (at least not for me), but it’s pretty hard to use a touch screen while you’re touching yourself… So it’s still not exactly ideal.

You learn to get comfortable with period sex real quick.

When you haven’t seen your partner in a few months, and the only time you two can reconnect is right in the middle of your worst days, you learn to adjust. Even if you’d never given period sex a thought before, it’s most likely going to come up at one point or another.

Falling asleep on the phone is probably not good for you.

I can’t even estimate the number of times I’ve fallen asleep on the phone with my long-distance love, just to wake up a few hours later with indentations from my screen in the side of my face. Thinking of how cell phone radiation already messes with your inner organs, and estimating that the phone couldn’t have been more than a hand’s width away from my brain at any point in time… I pretty much only ever talk with speakerphone anymore. You know. Just to be safe.

The time you finally get to spend together will be magical.

The great thing about spending time apart (and why I love my geographically-open relationship) is that you really learn to miss someone while they’re gone. You get to spend time focusing on yourself, without being selfish, and your partner gets to do the same. Then, you meet back up, and you make up for lost time all at once. It’s truly something special, and something everyone should feel at least occasionally.

Not every relationship can make it.

As much love, trust, honesty, and respect that a closer relationship needs, a long-distance relationship needs at least double. You’ll be trusting your partner to do what she says she’s going to do, without having the slightest idea if she’s keeping up on her end of things. You’ll have to trust what she says, and you’ll have to respect her wishes, too, even if you go months or years without seeing each other. It’s hard, but the relationships that can survive it are often the strongest after they reunite.

It shouldn’t be black-and-white.

If you and your partner fight all the time when you’re apart, but get along perfectly fine when you’re together, there might be a problem. Often, insecurities and a lack of communication will destroy long-term relationships, and the couple may try to over-compensate when they get back together. For the sake of your relationship, you’ll need to find a way to get all your insecurities in check and relinquish the right to micro-manage your partner. If you have to know exactly what she’s doing at all times, a long-distance relationship is not for you.

It doesn’t have to be this way forever.

The best thing about either type of long-distance relationship is that it’s not permanent. When the timing is right, you can be together for good – with the strength that you developed during your time apart. The perk of knowing that your relationship can stand the stresses of a long-distance relationship does make it a little easier over time, although saying goodbye will always be hard. When you do say goodbye, remind yourself that this isn’t forever – this is just the way things are right now. If your relationship gets through it, you’ll be glad you gave it a chance – but if your relationship doesn’t make it, at least it’s a little easier to move on.

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7 Reasons Saying “Sorry” Isn’t Always A Good Thing

It seems like so many of my friends in my generation grew up in one of two categories: The constant “sorry”-sayers, and those who never apologize for anything. I happen to fall in that first category – or at least I did, until I was in my 20s. Your apologies become a part of you, an almost-tangible habit formed. After a while, you start to say “sorry” without even thinking of it – and this isn’t a good thing.

Why isn’t it a good idea to say “sorry” all the time? Here are 7 reasons that you’re probably just wasting your breath.

1. It doesn’t do anything to fix the problem.

When most people apologize, they simply look for the right words to say, and then leave it at that. Unfortunately, an apology does nothing except relieve our guilt. It doesn’t make up for the things we’ve done to the other person, and it doesn’t mend the pain we’ve caused. All an apology does is make the person apologizing feel better.

2. It’s viewed as an admission of guilt – even when you did nothing wrong.

When you apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong, the people around you (receiving your apologies) will be making their own impressions about your apologies. While the exact impression will vary based on the person you’re apologizing to as well as the person doing the apologizing, in most cases, people either assume the person saying “sorry” did what they were being accused of, and/or they assume the apology is insincere.

3. An insincere apology means even less than not saying anything at all.

We’ve already discussed that apologies are really for the person giving them, but that doesn’t exactly mean we shouldn’t apologize. Apologies are often the first step towards making the changes that we’ve (hopefully) talked about in the apology. But if you don’t actually mean the things you say, you’ll never take the next step. An insincere apology tells the person you’re talking to that you don’t really think you did anything wrong, but you’re going to say sorry to get them to get off your back about it. This approach is generally frowned upon in social situations.

4. People can tell when it’s fake – but they can’t always tell when it’s real.

I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of a fake apology before, or can at least recognize the signs from your favorite television shows. Our bodies are pre-programmed to pick up on the cues sent out by others – even when those cues are unintentional, and possibly also misleading. The issue is that many of the signs for stress and nervousness are very similar to the signs of insincerity and deception, so it’s entirely possible for a nervous person to accidentally convince their apology-recipient that they’re being insincere – even if they meant every word.

5. It’s not enough, by itself.

When most people apologize, they simply say “I’m sorry” and they’re done with it. A true apology should showcase the reason you’re sorry, as well as what you plan to do to change it. If you don’t think that you’re the one to blame, try to find a way to compromise. But apologies and promises have no power on their own – even the most eloquently-worded ones. Our words only have meaning when we give them meaning, so if you’re not following through, your word means nothing.

6. You may be reopening old wounds.

If it’s been a long time since the event that caused the guilt, apologizing is probably not going to do anything for the recipient – it’s just going to remind them of the things you’ve done to them and, in some cases, maybe even bringing the problem(s) back to the surface. Many people think they want an apology from the people who have wronged them, but there is a statute of limitations. You don’t have an endless amount of time to make things right.

7. No one is obligated to forgive you just because you’ve apologized.

Most of all, there’s a misconception that we apologize in order to be forgiven or to get closure. This simply isn’t true. The only person who’s obligated to forgive your past is you – everyone else is free to make their own decisions and move on or hold grudges as they see fit. We tend to picture other people as if we were them. But we’re not them, and even in our mental pictures, we get the facts wrong sometimes. You can think about someone else’s situation, but you can’t think through it for them.

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7 Ways To Have Better Sex – According to Science

When it comes to having better sex, most people turn to new positions or fancier toys. The truth is, people have been having great sex for a lot longer than these more modern additions have been around – so there’s really no need to go overboard with your solutions.

If you’re looking for some scientifically-proven ways to improve your sex life, without any complicated steps, check out the following 7 tips. Try them tonight – you never know what you might be missing!

1. Dim the lights.

In a perfect world, every sexual experience would be surrounded by soft yellow twinkle lights and sensual slow jams. It might sound a bit cheesy, but there’s a reason these things are featured in so many romantic movies: They help calm the nerves and lower your inhibitions, both of which are helpful to having amazing sex. All too often, we try to get intimate under harsh bulbs or complete darkness. Neither of these is flattering, and the added self-consciousness can really put a damper on the mood – even if you don’t realize it’s affecting you!

2. Get clean.

Although many people swear by the effects of human pheromones, and it’s even been speculated that lesbians have their own specific pheromones, there’s no conclusive evidence that says there is a human pheromone responsible for attraction. Until such a pheromone is discovered – and we find a way to harness it – you’re better to wash up before sex, and put on a perfume, cologne, or body spray that your partner likes. Don’t forget to scrub under your fingernails!

3. Give each other sensual massages – with oil.

Not only can the day-to-day stresses of life work against your sexual prowess, there’s also a strong connection between physical contact and oxytocin production. (This would be the same oxytocin that’s produced when you have an orgasm, just so we’re clear.) The combination of stress-reduction and hormone-production, with the sensual feel of slippery massage oils, creates the perfect mindset for amazing, passionate sex.

4. Tell her she looks (and tastes) good.

It’s no surprise that confidence is one of the cornerstones of sexual satisfaction, too – and if your girlfriend doesn’t feel like she’s beautiful, she’s less likely to enjoy sex. For many women – even otherwise confident women – their vagina and vulva is a source of insecurity, because the porn industry glorifies vulvas and labias that all look exactly the same. Remind your girlfriend that hers is the best because it’s all yours, and enjoy the extra boost it gives to her mental orgasm.

5. Eat better foods.

Eating healthier is often a solution to many problems, and your sex life can get some benefits from a better diet, too. Make sure you’re eating plenty of dark green vegetables, brightly-colored fruits, and lean proteins. These will make sure you’re getting all the nutrients you need to stay running for longer, without weighing you down and making you bloated.

6. Slow it down.

There’s a lot to be said about suspense, and doing a sexy strip tease for your partner sure helps to build the suspense. In a perfect sexual situation, both partners would drag on teasing each other until neither could resist, but in the real world, it’s a little difficult – so just focus on slowing down the things you can reasonably slow down, and save your strength for the things that need it.

7. Learn her favorites.

Lastly, you need to remember that every woman is different, and the skills you picked up with your ex might not do anything for your current partner. Find the time to talk to her – preferably when you’re not having sex – to find out the things that she enjoys most. If the receiving partner is enjoying herself more, the giving partner is bound to enjoy herself more, too. (Plus, your partner will appreciate that you care enough to ask ahead of time – it shows you want to be prepared.)

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Your Monthly Lesbian Horoscope | August 2016

Like a typical summery August, mixed with hot sunny days and threatening dark clouds and thunder storms, your astrological August is a mix of still days and alarming lightening.

In almost all the signs Venus is causing trouble and doing her best to bring the doom.

Some of us will feel this depression more than others, and much of it depends on who we have working on our side.

Mercury is a hero this month, evening the balance and bringing good things to many of us. But for most of us, the fight between light and dark leaves our days a little grey with not much happening either way.

It’s a great time to work on our inner selves and to try to be our own best friend. Our partners will be supportive and she’s got our back, but we won’t always be in the mood for company and love.

Make sure we’re all talking and letting those around us know our mood isn’t their fault.

Skip to your Monthly Horoscope Sign: Taurus | GeminiCancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces | Aries 


Aries 3/21 – 4/19

It’s a straight out ding-dong between Venus and The Sun, on your side, and Saturn and Mars in the other corner, this month. This astrological tension will bring about some curious effects for you in August. In your home life something will happen that pushes your buttons and hits a weak spot in you. Whatever this is and whoever’s doing the pressing, it will actually turn out to be a positive thing. It might hurt at first, but it’s going to force you to see things in a different way and open your eyes. At work someone will unintentionally cause you trouble. The question isn’t so much what do you do about this, but why did it happen in the first place? Try to work out what went wrong before the second part of the month, when this problem could start to slow you down.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20

With Venus, Pluto, and Saturn all working against you this month, it might look a bit rough. However, The Moon is on your side and is strong enough to counter most of the bad vibes. It will still feel like you’re fighting the tide at times, though, especially in your home life. You won’t be the focus of tensions, but you can’t help but be involved when it’s going on around you. At work it’s going to feel muddled and foggy and you’ll no longer be sure of where you’re heading. Any Taureans who are self-employed will find it especially challenging in August. Some of this will be pointless worrying, so try to recognise what the real issues are and which you are blowing out of all proportion.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21

Mercury and Saturn will be working together in August to bring you good energy and positivity. This dream team will divide their time equally, Mercury taking your work life and Saturn covering your personal life. Mercury is going to concentrate on opening up opportunities and bringing you work. The only down side to this is, you may end up with more work than you can handle. Don’t suffer in silence, but delegate and ask for help. Meanwhile Saturn is concentrating its power on the inner you. This is the time to focus on your inner happiness and fulfilment, regardless of what else is or isn’t happening in your private life. Do things that satisfy you, meditate if it helps, and feed your creativity.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22

The Moon is leading your house in August and will bring every other planet onside except Saturn. This will lead you to be a shining light at work and you’ll achieve more than you thought possible. Just be careful you don’t get too carried away and take on too much. Self-belief is a great thing, but delusions and miscalculations will lead you to ruin what’s otherwise a positive time. In your personal life you’re going to be attractive and alluring to many people. If you’re single this is great and you can take it where you want, but if you’re not you’re going to have keep control of the situation. It’s great to be wanted, but quality is better than quantity.


Leo 7/23 – 8/22

Mercury, Pluto, and Uranus will all turn coat this month, from being against you, to being your ally. This curious situation will bring you increased energy and optimism. Nevertheless, at work you might be better off concentrating on smaller tasks and details behind the scenes, rather than trying to pull off major projects and standing in the spot light. You can be sure you’ll get the smaller aspects right, but the big issues will have to wait. At home you should put your energies into keeping your girl happy and keeping the balance in your lives. She supports you in everything you do and it’s time to show her you appreciate it. The only bump in the road will be with your friends, but this isn’t your fault so be patient and all will straighten out.


Virgo 8/23 – 9/22

Mercury is working hard in your financial sector this month, while Venus is being disruptive in your home life. This means your finances should receive a nice boost, as long as you’re working for it. Nothing comes for free and you’re going to have to put the effort in. Use your mental attitude to envisage what you want and where you want to be. Mercury is paying attention and is in the mood to deliver. Unfortunately things won’t be so positive in your relationship, where Venus is causing havoc. There could be some serious issues for some Virgos here and it could even prove disastrous. But it’s up to you whether you think this is something worth fighting for, or whether it’s time to let go.


Libra 9/23 – 10/22

Venus is looking to cause disruption and give you something of a kick up the ass this month. Though this will mean ripples in your house, Saturn and Mars will be working together as a force to stop too much damage. In the first days of August you’ll need to concentrate at work and put all your energy into focussing on the task in hand. Do this well and there’ll be rewards waiting for you later in the month. Due to the pull and tug going on in your house, your personal life will feel complex. You’ll find yourself worrying about what your friends think of you and you’ll suffer some paranoia. This is all artificial and only going on in your own head, so try to relax and let the feeling pass.


Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21

Like many signs this month, you have Venus doing her mischief and The Moon shining positive light and energy on you, meaning there’s some positive and some negative in your August. There could be some confusion, especially at work, as The Moon tries to compensate for Venus by giving you what you want…when this might not really be what you want. Be careful what you wish for this month, because if you’re sick of your job and wish you could leave…you may find that you are in fact leaving. Think through what you really want and what you actually need. At home, don’t rise to any bait and stay calm even in the face of the worst provocation. If you accept a fight this month it could have consequences you don’t like.


Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21

Venus is in a mischievous mood with almost all the signs this month and you’re no exception, Sagittarius, but Mercury and Jupiter will be working against her in your house to try to keep the peace. At work they will achieve this and you’ll find your professional life is calm and stable. Now would be a great time to push yourself forward and reach for more. Be confident and show what you can do. At home Venus will manage to cause some tension and you’ll feel like your partner is holding you back at times. You want to work on your own personal improvement, and that’s great, but don’t forget that your priorities aren’t the same as hers. Talk things over with her and she’ll understand how important this is to you.


Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19

The Moon, Mars, and Saturn are all on your side this month, shining positive light on your life, with only Jupiter in the negative corner. In your working life the advice is to keep your head down and get on with what you have to do. Now is not the time for pushing yourself forward and getting too much attention. The negative energy from Jupiter will make any such actions go sour and you could end up with the attention being on all the wrong aspects of what you do. The story is pretty similar at home, where there’ll be arguments and conflicts in your family that you shouldn’t get involved in. Try to live a quiet uneventful August and you’ll emerge from it with a smile on your face.


Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18

Mars and Mercury will both change their natural position in your house this month, and will be in full support of you. Your main enemy in August will be your own emotions and mental state, and you’ll have to work hard to bring yourself up from this. Your work life will be stable and even though you’ll feel pressured and stressed, the reality is there’s no need to be. You can afford to work calmly this month without worry. In your personal relationships you’ll be the one who is over emotional and often not thinking straight. Your partner will have her work cut out and if you can, try to remember her feelings and what this is like for her. Be careful you don’t say anything you might regret, and don’t be too demanding.


Pisces 2/19 – 3/20

Although Mercury is a force for good in your house this month, like most of the signs, you’ll have to suffer Venus and her mischievous behaviour. The beginning of August will be quiet and a bit boring at work for you, and this will cause you to get irritable and frustrated. If you’re not careful this will, in turn, cause problems. Once in a sticky situation because of your own impatience, it’s going to be down to you alone to get yourself out of it. Your mood will continue at home, and though your partner is supportive and wants to help you’re best left alone at the moment. If you can persuade your girl that you need some space without it sounding alarming, you’ll be able to centre yourself again and let go of your bad mood.