Tag Archives: femme lesbian

13 Ways to Make Your Femme Melt

In a world filled with late-night booty calls, infidelity and lust, it’s easy to become jaded by today’s dating scene.

As women, we brace ourselves for the worst, proceeding with extreme caution during the first few months, for fear of falling victim to heartbreak.

So, it’s a welcome relief when we stumble upon those few true women who show a bit of chivalry.

In fact, they radiate gallantry with even their smallest actions, and remind us that there are still good ones out there.

Here are 13 everyday gestures that will melt a women’s heart.

1. She opens the doors

A woman who takes the time to come around and open the car door for you is a keeper. It shows they put your comfort and well-being first, even if it’s just for a few extra seconds.


2. She saves the last bite of food

They say the way to a butch’s heart is through her stomach. So, when she saves the last bite for you, it’s basically her saying she likes you more than whatever meal is in front of her. Which, for the record, is a lot.


3. She suffers through girly movies

When your GF volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because she knows you’ll enjoy it, she earns major bonus points. Even more if she does so without complaining or expecting something in return.


4. She sends you flowers.

I’m not talking a one-time-buy at Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment she picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile.


5. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused, but then you’ll start to question how come other women in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curb side tragedy strike.


6. Kissing your forehead.

Sure, if you’re hoping to date someone and she does this, it can be a dreaded sign of sibling-like affection. But, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your guy does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored.


7. Putting your jacket on

Women are fully capable of putting their own jackets on, but it’s not a question of ability. It’s gentlemanly and kind for someone to hold out your jacket for you or offer you theirs when it’s cold.


8. She is always punctual.

There’s no excuse for being late. Respect my time. And if I’m late, don’t draw attention to it. The correct answer to the question “how long have you been waiting” is “I just got here a few minutes ago.” Never keep a woman waiting.



9. She gets you safely to the door.

Your safety, comfort, and well-being are her first and foremost priority. After a date, meeting, dinner… whatever… she makes sure that you get home safely and thanks you for the pleasure of your company.


10. Always listens.

If you want to get to know a person, ask them questions… and listen to their responses. Listening does not mean “waiting for your chance to talk.” It means being attentive, learning to read responses, understand reactions, and navigate someone’s emotional landscape.


11. She keeps her word and a secret.

Don’t commit yourself to any obligation that you are not willing to brave fire, famine, and flood to fulfil. Likewise, when you are entrusted with a secret, guard it as closely as you do your own. There is no breakup, no fight, no argument, no falling out that absolves you from this responsibility. Live and die with the secrets entrusted to you locked away in your heart.


12. She pays attention to details.

Take mental notes. My likes. My dislikes. My shoe size. My ring size. My favourite colour. This information will prove useful and when it does – when you show up with a bundle of lavender because you know it reminds me of my grandmother – it shows you care.


13. She goes out of her way to let you know she cares. Every. Single. Day.

Flowers. Affectionate post-it notes. Spa days. Simple compliments. All of those things add up. So show your affection every day.


‘The Same Difference’ Documentary Highlights Deep-Rooted Problems Within the Lesbian Community

When you’re part of a marginalised group, ‘there’s a high chance of discrimination’ is almost inked in small print at the bottom of the sign-up sheet, as is the nature of the thing.

It’s something we must strive to espouse through legal means (in helping change laws, for example) or perhaps through voicing opinions and changing viewpoints or by helping encourage and foster diversity amongst the exclusionary straight, white, boys club ranks that the patriarchy kindly laid out for each and everyone of us, with homophobic and racist foundations to boot.

But what happens when what you’re up against is far bigger than you imagined? What happens when they problems you face are not just external, but when the very people who identify as you do turn their backs against you for arbitrary reasons that for some reason are marginalising you even more than society already does?

For many within the lesbian community this happens regularly, which is why one filmmaker has put together ‘The Same Difference’, a documentary to help point it out.

Depicted in the above teaser trailer The Same Difference plans to cover what are arguably some of the biggest social challenges (e.g things outside of legal recognition and same-gender marriage) facing the lesbian community today – within themselves.

Borked mindsets suggest that despite already not conforming to the socially accepted norm (‘heteronormativity’) some lesbian identified women feel that it’s their onus to force each other into these norms, as if lesbians are square pegs to be fit into round holes. That’s obviously not the case, but why should a group further alienate or segregate itself on account of discriminatory ideals that the group doesn’t prescribe to in the first place?

The examples of this that The Same Difference provides extend to studs being unable to observe traits such as long hair or dresses that are often reserved for femme lesbians. While it also covers the topic of bisexuals within the lesbian community and why some people just don’t understand that a woman who loves another woman should be welcomed into a group of women-loving-women with lady-loving arms rather than being shunned because their place on the Kinsey Scale isn’t quite where some would like it to be.

The Same Difference is inarguably important then, for the topics it sheds much needed light on and you can find more out about it at the link below.

Coming Out – We Discuss with KitschMix Columnist Sam Marshall

Sam Marshall, the beauty Guru and columnist with KitschMix, talked openly with us about her life and the trials of coming out in small North Western town in the UK, as well as the challenges people face in Britain today regarding their sexual preference.

KitschMix: Where were you born and raised? 

Sam Marshall:I was born and raised in Bakewell in Derbyshire.  We lived in a beautiful house up a hill, away from anything except cows and sheep! I suppose I was fortunate – my parents had a successful clothes shop and I went to private school and had a pony! We always had loads of pets, and mum used to grow fruit and veg. It was fab.

KM: When did you first realise you were a lesbian? Did you tell anyone else about your feelings? 

SM: I “realised” I liked girls at 17. A boyfriend pointed out that I kept staring at a waitress I worked with.  I then remember going to Sheffield with a friend and kissing the only lesbian in the only gar bar there!

Looking back my bedroom wall was full of female pop stars and models with short hair – I think I only had one picture up of the man holding the baby!

I went to Sydney in 1999 and had my first “experience”. Very drunk, and she had a huge bush. Not very memorable!  Then came my first girlfriend – she was beautiful, quite boyish and, of course, still in love with her ex!

When I returned to the UK and told all my friends in Bakewell I was now “Gay”. The lads loved it; the girls said I was doing it for attention. At that time Bakewell didn’t even have anyone who wouldn’t have ticked “white British” if you know what I mean.

Needless to say I went back to boys due to the non-existence of lesbians (and much to the relief of my “it’s a phase” mother).

I moved to Manchester in 2001 and in 2004 started seeing a boy who worked on the doors in the Gay Village. We went out there a lot and I felt like a kid in a sweet shop! I didn’t know there were so many gay girls!  I never looked back.

I got civil partnered in 2010, now separated and we still remain friends. Mum totally accepts it and welcomed my ex like part of the family. My sister now says, “if you went back to boys I’d be sick”. Nice.

And the answer is no, I wouldn’t. I’m totally 100% gay.

KM: Have you experienced any discrimination or bad feeling from people because of your sexual persuasion?

SM: Only years ago in Bakewell saying it was for attention. I also had a rather “challenging” employee at Urban – a gay man who decided to try to make my life a living hell. He would tell my waxing clients I was gay, and shout “Dirty Dyke” across the shop floor. He didn’t work there for long after that!

Other than that even clients (after a while its inevitable they will ask about home stuff) that I was waxing were cool about it. I think if you make it an issue then it becomes one. This is normal for me now.

KM: What sorts of challenges do you think LGBT people face in Britain today?

SM: I think times are changing. My late granddad was quite homophobic, but when I told my Nan (his wife) she was like “Whatever makes you happy”. I think generations are dying off that had that negative mind-set. Also it helps that it is illegal to be homophobic -in the workplace it is seen as bullying. I do fear for my son (he has two mums and a dad), but I have friends with a 16yr old daughter who has never been teased or bullied over having two mums. After all most kids have single parent families, with mum’s new partner etc.

Most straight people like having a “gay best friend” – Madonna made that popular with Rupert Everett.  Every time a get speaking to a straight man they say “can we perve at girls together?”!

I think the Trans still get a hard time  – cross dressers especially.  People just stare and feel it ok to say out loud “is that a guy?” I treat a few trans clients and it really is such a brave thing to do. It easier for transsexuals as they don’t look “out of place” – I have witnessed one girl in Manchester (who is stunning by the way) being ogled by guys who have no idea the object of their attention probably has bigger tackle than them!  I suppose it’s about looking different that people don’t like.

It might help that I’m apparently “a lesbian disguised as a straight girl”. One of my exes was constantly called “Sir” in Indian Restaurants, and once asked if she was a girl or a boy!  My current partner looks (apparently) like a “good looking gay boy” and always gets hit on in the village by men until they spot her ample cleavage!  We have stereotypes in our head and things will naturally stand out.

Years ago men looked a certain way, and women did too. Now the lines are blurred.  Men wear make-up and women wear boxers!