Tag Archives: First Contact

You’ve gotta think she’s hot… Right?

I had a friend a while back, who was friends with another girl. They’d been friends for a few years.

Now I knew this girl liked my friend, but when I asked my friend about her she’d say “Well I’m not really sure. We get on really well but I don’t really fancy her at all”.

Obviously we spoke a lot more about it than just this, but strangely they are now a couple, and are planning marriage.

I see them doing all the things couples do. Going out for dinners and having dinner parties, spending their weekends doing the typical lesbian things that generally make me cringe (I’m sure I’m just jealous); visiting the farmers market, spending a Friday night at an educational or cultural play at the local lgbt centre. Taking drives out to a nice country pub, discussing work and careers, the list goes on! and I see them doing all these things really well, and being a totally solid unit.

However, what I don’t see is the passion. What I don’t see is how they make the perfect couple in the ways that matter just as much if not more?

And so to me it begs the question, why did they get together in the first place? Through loneliness? Through fear of ending up alone?

We all have those thoughts (I think) when we start heading into our 30’s and we’re still single, plodding along from one failed relationship to the next (yes, I’m talking about myself).

But my point is, surely if you don’t find someone physically attractive, if you don’t find them sexy, hot, beautiful. If you don’t adore every bit of their physicality… I don’t think you can be in love with that person.

Maybe they do have an amazing personality, maybe you can hold conversations for hours on end and maybe you share all the same common interests and love spending every moment possible together. But surely, that’s your best friend? That’s not your lover. That’s not your life partner. That’s your best friend.

Lovers fight, lovers disagree. In my opinion the best relationships are when you have different interests, things that irritate you about the other and things that put the make-up sex on a whole other level. That’s love. Love isn’t real, true, amazing love unless there is passion. If there isn’t passion, it isn’t worth it. Love is volatile, love is equally as frustrating as it is happy. Someone that annoys you so much you can’t help but laugh, and when you see that person all those things that pissed you off just disappear, and you can’t help but smile. That is love. The person you can’t live with, but you can’t live without.

“There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn’t be one of them”

Jill Robinson

You can grow to love somebody. Can you grow to find someone sexually attractive? I’m not sure you can.


Online Dating – The Beginners Basics

So I joined a popular dating website about two years ago now. I actually met my latest ex-girlfriend through this site. However since recently using it a bit more often, there have been certain things that are starting to irritate me somewhat:

Firstly (and I have been a little guilty of this myself in the past), I do not want to be texting you for a month, talking about meeting up, but never actually doing so.

If you want to meet me, here is my number and let’s go for a drink. As nerve-racking as it sometimes is, it really is that simple.

Secondly, my profile states who I am and the types that I go for; I tend to like women a bit older than myself, but of course this is based on your maturity level not mine.

I have a mild obsession with married straight women. I like feminine women, girly girls, with all the curves in all the right places. If you have read my profile, thank you, but some of you clearly didn’t think it through before deciding to send me that message.

You look like me. I don’t want to date ‘me’.

Which then means you either didn’t read my profile, or you’re suffering from an extreme case of reverse body dysmorphia.

Thirdly, I am always really frustrated by the generic “hi” messages;


Well “Hi” right back at yah.

This conversation is over. I mean it hasn’t even started and it’s already over. You like me, yet you’re expecting me to start the conversation? Nu-uh. Nope.

Another thing, if someone does not respond to your “Hi”, they’re not being rude, they’re just not interested.

There is no point in engaging in conversation with someone if you’re not interested. It’s called leading someone on or getting someone’s hopes up. So when they don’t respond, please girls have some self-respect because this –

“Hi” (12:34)

“Hiya hun” (15:37)

“Hello?” (15:55)

Let me tell you, it’s not cute. It’s desperate.

Lastly, but probably the most important one for me – do not start a conversation with me by telling me where I work, please. It’s a little bit weird and kind of slightly stalker-ish. Do I tell you where you work? Who your friends are? No, no I do not. “You work in that bar don’t you?” Yes. Yes I do…