Tag Archives: First Date

5 Reasons Why ‘Hook-Ups’ are a Poor Excuse For a Date

So we live in the world Hook-Ups – where you meet a person and suggest go grabbing a coffee or a drink, instead of asking some out on a date. You must have heard the line “I’ll meet you at the bar,” which sounds so lame – well unless you’re Shane from The L word that is.

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Now I’m not a fussy dater. I’m not always expecting a multi-course meal at a five-star restaurant, but for a first date, I am hoping for a place that offers something a bit more than muffins, free WiFi and my favourite brew.

Here are my top five reasons why we should get rid of the Hook-Up dates once and for all:


1. It makes me feel like you don’t think I’m worth a real date

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Asking someone out for drink is just an easy way to ask someone out without really asking someone out. For the people doing the asking, there is virtually nothing to lose.

If they get rejected, they can simply use the cop-out that it was never actually a date.

If they manage to lock down the date, it’s a very straightforward thing to plan. If it goes badly, they can know, rest assured, no effort or resources were wasted.


2. It results in a lot of confusion as to what this “meet-up” is

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“Let’s grab a coffee on Monday” via text message is easily the most nonchalant way to ask someone out. It’s to the point I’m not even sure if this is a real date.

Did you just friend-zone me? Are we just catching up? At least with dinner or some other date-like activity, both parties are (usually) fully aware of what the outing entails.


3. It’s a little too casual

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I’m all for casual dates, but the local lesbian bar is too casual for me. It’s nosy, we’re near to your ex, my friends just walked in, and now I’m not exactly motivated to strike up engaging conversation.

If we’re on this date, it means I’m at least slightly interested in you. I want to look good for our date, and I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb next to a plethora of people in sweats.

The environments of Starbucks and other quirky coffee shops are made to be casual. They are supposed to encourage studying and “hanging out,” rather than nervous and excited conversations by first daters trying to look desirable.


 

4. It has an inevitable short time frame

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There are very few people in this world who can drink one single drink for more than 20-30 minutes, so you have to order a second to prolong a date – which means you face the risk of appearing to be a lush.

I suppose having a guaranteed out within 20-30 minutes is a pro if the date goes badly, but if I’m going on a date in the first place, I’m hoping it’ll turn out well.

Also, we are so fast-paced in every other aspect of our lives, we don’t need or want our dating lives to be as such. I want to take my time, and I want you to take yours. If you try to tell me you don’t have the time for more than a simple coffee drink, you certainly don’t have the time to take this relationship to the next level.

The drink date is limiting – the longer you go, the drunker you get. And the drunker I get the more I forget. So I forget all the the good stuff – the life stories, the experiences and the passions.


5. Drunk kiss or no kiss

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A (sober) first kiss is awkward enough without it being along a line of people waiting at the bus top outside the coffee shop in pure daylight. Unless your drunk, and by now all you rules i.e. ‘you’re not the “type” to kiss on a first date’, gets blown out of the water.

The majority of our generation favours casual hangouts and hookups rather than actual dating, but the coffee date blurs the line between what is “real” and what is casual.

I, like many girls I know, am done wasting time trying to figure out whether our coffee meet-up or “study sesh” was considered a date or not.

Hooking up is fine, but if you’re into someone, do her a favor and take her on a real date. This way, there will be no overanalyzing what your intention is.

If Women Were Themselves On A First Date

As cliché as it sounds, being yourself is probably the best way to ensure you not only have a good time on a first date, but also get a second date, too. That said, there are a few dos and don’ts to keep in mind when hanging out with someone totally new— remember, it’s all about making a solid first impression…

If Women Were Themselves On A First Date

What Lesbians Do After A First Date

On a side note you should also follow Arielle Scarcella on YouTube she puts up lots of great content that lesbians can relate to as well as has many videos that  help others understand what being a lesbian is like.  She also believes in being body positive and is a huge activist in the LGBT community.

Great First Date Ideas For Your New Lady

You finally asked her out and she said yes! Now all you have to do is arrange the perfect first date. Don’t worry; here are excellent first date ides that will ensure you get a second date.

Go for a walk – yes really!

You don’t have to do something very complex in your first date. Most people think that a first date is all about impressing their new favorite person. Wrong. Take this time to get to know each other better. A walk around town, in the park or to the local attractions is not only delightful but will give you ample time to talk to each other.

Festivals and fairs

If you are lucky enough to have a festival or a fair going on nearby, go for it. Festivals offer a lot of fun, games and activities perfect for a first date.

Museums, exhibitions, aquariums

Strolling through a gallery of paintings with your date is relaxing and makes you seem sophisticated. Aquariums with their weird, slimy and toothy creatures also make for an interesting day out with plenty of topics at your disposal. This can be extended to zoos and amusement parks.

Theatre

Going to the theatre is ideal. First, you have to dress up so you will both be looking your best. The theatre is also a classy first date and unlike a movie it has an intermediary where you can chat and get to know each other better.

Coffee

A coffee date is very comfortable and a guaranteed safe zone, plus you won’t have to worry about the expense and complexity of a four-course meal! Look for a spacious coffee joint with a great view.

One-hour classes

This is a sure winner. Women love women who are creative and think outside the box. There are plenty of one-hour classes available. Be it painting, pottery, drawing or anything else. Just make sure it’s not too complicated and there is a feeling of achievement at the end.

Adventure date

If you are the adventurous type go for rock climbing in an indoor gym or hiking in the nearby fields. If you live near the coast: snorkeling and sea diving are among one of your many options. Confirm with your date first if she’s okay with the activity first, you don’t want to take her deep sea diving and she’s hydrophobic!

Music show

The conversation is of outmost importance. Sometimes though music can balance things out nicely. Don’t go for rock or heavy metal, no. Look for something mellow with lots of dancing. This will be a memorable event.

 

What Not to Say if You Want a Second Date

A first date is the beginning of the love fairy tale. There are topics that should not be brought up obviously, the fact that you were constipating last week is one example. There are other less obvious topics to avoid…

I hope you like this place – Be certain and confident. Even if you chose the worst place ever, don’t appear insecure or not sure of yourself. If the place you picked is all that bad, carefully say ‘you get to pick the venue next time’.

You remind me of my mother/ex – Never compare your date with your mother or worse your former girlfriend. She is her own individual self. Tell her how she looks like the beautiful celebrity in the movie you like instead.

I have this condition – Do not talk about serious diseases you might have. This also goes for addictions. Do not talk about your struggles with alcoholism. There will be enough time for that later.

Politics/religion – You believe what you believe and so does your date. Avoid discussing politics or religion during the first date.

You look really nice tonight – Give specific compliments. Don’t be vague. Compliment her on her shoes, dress or intellect. Avoid general clichés. They sound untrue and make you look artificial.

Your place or mine – Slow down! Maybe she’s not that type of a girl. Getting intimate after the first date is not advisable, unless you don’t want a second date.

I need to take this call – During the first date, no interruptions are allowed. That call from your mate will just have to wait. Give her your undivided attention. No calls, texts or mail.

Lock up the creep – Don’t talk about your fetishes, 20 GB porn collection or how you kissed your male cousin in high school. When she is safely lying in your pillow maybe you can reveal how much you like black lingerie.

The first date is a safe zone. Safe topics and fun playful statements. Don’t be too serious. Make her smile and feel good. You won’t go wrong.

10 First Date Questions To Help Ease Things Along

First dates can be nerve-wracking event. Sometimes they lead to hot passion; sometimes they’re a damp squid. However, the key to having a great time is relaxed conversation, which can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions.

  1. What kinds of things really make you laugh?
  2. What is your favourite movie of all time and why?
  3. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
  4. What’s your favourite place in the entire world?
  5. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
  6. What’s your biggest goal in life right now?
  7. What is your favourite way to spend a Saturday?
  8. What were you like as a kid?
  9. Do you or have you had a nickname?
  10. Have you figured out your calling in life?
  11. What do you hate most about first dates?

Always remember…

Listen as much or more than you talk. The best communication happens when even and equal exchanges occur between two people. Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. Each person gets a turn—and no one hogs the ball.

Peel the onion, don’t stab it with a paring knife. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. It’s a slow and safe process. Be overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, and you risk going too fast. Ask too many personal or sensitive questions can put people on the defensive.

Don’t dump. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent. When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centredness than true intimacy.

Genuine interest goes a long way. Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate. But remember its exciting to be able to get to know another human being. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what they. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.