Lesbians, in general, are often attracted to media involving lesbians. It’s almost like when a dog sees another dog at the park – we just have to check it out! While it makes us some of the best friends to have, it also means that many of us get entirely the wrong idea about sex.

The truth is, the only sex you ever know anything about is the sex that you, personally, have. Anything else, you’re just getting the version that the person/business/entity wants you to see. While this is usually true for other aspects of your life, too, it’s especially important to notice when it comes to our perception of ourselves.

We’ve collected a few of the rumors circulated by the media about lesbian sex and sexuality – how many did you fall for?

We don’t all have sex all day, every day.

Many movies that show a glimpse into the lives of lesbian characters will, inevitably, show them having sex for pretty much entire days. While that probably does happen every now and then (I can think of about 5 times in my entire sexual history), it’s definitely not the norm for most of us.

Most lesbians have sex, on average, between 5 and 10 times per month. While it’s going to be different for every couple, the vast majority of us really don’t have that much time to spend having sex – especially when each tryst can last over an hour!

Lesbian Bed Death is only real if you let it be.

There’s this big stereotype that all lesbians who enter a committed relationship will, eventually, stop having sex. If it doesn’t stop completely, it dwindles down to the point where it’s actually scheduled on the calendar, so to speak! But lesbians are not any more susceptible to this than anyone else. The idea of “bed death” is built on the couple giving up on their sexual relationships because they’re satisfied with the rest of their lives. Too bad it’s complete rubbish!

The truth is, almost any long-term relationship will have its ups and downs, in every aspect – not just sex. It’s incredibly rare that a couple completely stops having sex permanently, and remains together. (That’s not to say it never happens or that there’s anything inherently wrong with that, either.)

It’s not all strap-ons and scissoring, my friend.

Okay, so I’d like to briefly extend the definition of the word “media” to include pornography. When you watch lesbian pornography, keep in mind that roughly 90% of porn producers are male – producing for a male audience. Although these numbers are starting to change (at last!) it is still a highly male-dominated market in terms of the decision-making process.

For some reason, this market has latched onto a highly feminized image of “lesbians”, which is not always the case in reality. These feminine lesbians will, by nature, be replicating a humping pattern of some sort – because that’s what the audience wants. This doesn’t actually speak for all of the available consumers, and many lesbians don’t enjoy any of the actions that are commonly depicted in porn.

Most of us don’t have sex fully naked. (At least not every time.)

This is, of course, another situational occurrence – but most male-produced porn will show women having sex entirely naked. In case you haven’t noticed, take a look at some straight porn – most likely the man (or men) involved will have some form of clothing on. This is because the porn industry often finds it easier to focus on one particular demographic, and their target is usually the straight male consumer. (This is usually not true for gay male porn – they are usually pictured fully naked, as well.)

But the reality is that lesbians often leave some (or even all) of their clothes on while having sex. As long as whatever it is can be pushed to the side or out of the way, we don’t usually bother taking it off. We’re here to get down to business!

No, long fingernails are not sexy.

This is another one that is mostly applicable to the porn industry, but it shows in most lesbian imagery in movies and television. These (highly feminine) lesbians will have long fingernails. After all, they’re just going to be scissoring and using toys anyway – why would they need to keep their nails short?

In practical application, though, most lesbians use their hands during sex – whether in penetration or general stimulation. And trust me, the only thing that fingernails are good for are digging into backs. Everywhere else, they need to be nicely trimmed before you even think about it!

Lesbian sex with your hair down is probably a bad idea.

For those among us with long hair, you probably already know how rough it is when your hair gets in the way of day-to-day activities. When it comes to lesbian sex, there are a number of extra reasons you need to keep a hair tie handy. First of all, sex hair is a very present problem, and those who tangle easily will probably not want to deal with it. (Silk or jersey cotton pillowcases can help sometimes, but there’s no guarantee when things get crazy.)

Additionally, if you have never had to pull your partner’s hair out from an uncomfortable place, let me tell you: It’s just as uncomfortable as you would expect it to be. (My partner and I both have incredibly long hair – the struggle is very real.)

Many of us have had sex with men – but that doesn’t mean we will again in the future.

The thought is that, if we’ve had sex with men in the past, that means we “have to be open to the idea in the future”. That’s simply not true. Someone’s past is never meant to define their future, only to help shape their future choices. The idea that someone has to have a certain type of sex in the future just because he or she had that type of sex in the past is unfounded. It’s like saying that you have to like every food you’ve ever tried.

(But it also doesn’t mean we won’t.)

Just because a woman identifies as a lesbian now does not mean that her identity will never change again. Sexuality is often thought to be fluid and versatile throughout a person’s life, and there are a number of situations that could influence her future choices.

Further, a person’s identity is a deeply personal matter, and not everyone will define it the same way. No one has the right to say someone else’s identity is invalid.

We don’t always like loving and gentle sex – lesbian sex can get wild.

This isn’t usually the case in porn, but most of the time in TV and movies, lesbian sex is very tame and sensual. That type of sex is great – but it’s not all there is. The reason this sex is what you see is because the lines for what count as sex and what’s just softcore are pretty limiting when it comes to ratings. If there’s any penetration, vagina shots, or – heaven forbid – moaning out loud, it’s pornographic and must be labelled as such.

The truth is, the media’s representation of lesbian sex is what most lesbians would consider their foreplay – it usually leads to something a little more intense. But they can’t show that on TV or in a teen-friendly movie, so they cut it to keep a bigger audience. Porn, on the other hand, helps to fill the void of the wild escapades – but often makes it difficult to find the sensual and romantic.

There is no singular definition for what counts as “lesbian sex” – but it is most definitely real.

Every woman I have ever been with has had a different definition for what is “sex” versus what is “just foreplay”. There’s no single definition, because no two women are alike. But the idea that lesbian sex is “not real sex” is completely unfounded, and based on a definition of sex that requires penetration by a human penis.

Gay men are said to have sex, but lesbians “pleasure each other”. (Sometimes to the point of orgasm, but there’s no penis, so it can’t be real.) The truth is, the term “sex” refers to a very general description, and it is up to the individual to determine what they consider “counts”. There is no such thing as a right or wrong answer.

So… How many did you get wrong? Tell us in the comments – and let us know if there’s something we missed!

Most of us have a hard time thinking of anal sex in lesbian relationships. Most of us would just as well leave it to the gay men. But just as not all gay men enjoy anal sex, not all women dislike it! The truth is that, when it’s done right and with a calm and trusting partner, anal sex can actually be fun. Don’t expect to get it right away, but trust me – you’ll know once you’ve got the hang of it, and you’ll thank me.

1. It’s important to mix things up.

Most of us are always looking for something new to add into our routine, but not everyone is willing to give anal a shot. They may have heard that it’s going to hurt, or they think it’s gross, but they’re forgetting that most things don’t just come naturally. It’s something that seems completely different, but just like every other sexual experience, eventually it’s not new and different anymore.

2. Because you don’t know if you like it until you try it.

You can speculate about your desires all you want, but the old saying really is the best way to go: Don’t knock it ‘till you try it. Most likely, you weren’t sure you’d enjoy having sex with a woman in the first place, and yet here we are! After trying it, you might decide you don’t like it after all, and that’s okay, too. Just keep in mind that there are a number of factors involved in enjoying your experience – if any of these are out of whack, it can ruin the whole mood.

3. It can be something special.

If neither you or your partner has played around in that area before, it’s uncharted territory. You get to be the first person there, and that’s pretty magical. Of course, you’ll need to practice a little bit before you figure out how it works best for you, but it’s something you get to explore together.

4. Because, when done right, it feels really good.

For those who are willing to put in the time and effort to learn how to have good anal sex, it can actually feel really good. The anus is full of very sensitive tissues, which can intensify the sensations sent by other sexual activities. Most women aren’t able to climax from anal sex alone, but if you stimulate this area while performing other favors for her, too, she’s almost certain to have the strongest orgasm of her life.

5. It’s cleaner than period sex.

Okay, so this is a very general statement. There are ways to keep period sex from being messy, just as there is a chance that anal play can become messy – but if you exercise the proper steps beforehand, this activity can easily give you a non-vaginal way to please your partner when she’s on her period. (As an added bonus, some women are especially responsive to anal play while they’re on their period, which can definitely make things fun.)

Most of us have a hard time thinking of anal sex in lesbian relationships. Most of us would just as well leave it to the gay men. But just as not all gay men enjoy anal sex, not all women dislike it! The truth is that, when it’s done right and with a calm and trusting partner, anal sex can actually be fun. Don’t expect to get it right away, but trust me – you’ll know once you’ve got the hang of it, and you’ll thank me.

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The subject of female masturbation isn’t the easiest to talk about. It can become easy to just assume that everyone does the same thing, and leave it at that. I think we all do generally fall into one of only a few categories when it comes to playing with ourselves, but the reality is that there is so much more you could be doing.

The truth is that, chances are, the best sex you’ll have will be with yourself – but only if you give it the chance to be. If you do the same thing every time, you’re likely to find it boring, and save it for a last-resort type thing. But if you put a little more dedication into your self-pleasuring sessions, you’ll see a huge difference in the power of your orgasms – and many of these tricks can be translated to your partner’s body, as well, for a more exciting experience.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a quick look at each of the main masturbation types and see which one you fall under, as well as a few new things to try.

Type A: The Skin-to-Skin Touchers

Women who prefer skin-to-skin masturbation are usually looking for something that doesn’t require a lot of planning beforehand. They don’t need any tools – just their hands and five minutes to rub one out. This is generally considered the “easiest” female masturbation technique, because it comes pretty naturally to anyone who enjoys clitoral stimulation.

Move #1: The Patty Cake

Instead of rubbing, try patting your clitoris. The different sensation will bring an entirely different feeling. Try listening to some soft music while you do it, and tap along with the rhythm. Once you are thoroughly aroused, you can use your fluids to help lubricate the area. It can be tempting to return to your typical routine – fight that urge, the build-up is worth it.

Wait until you’re just about to finish and then allow yourself to rub and bring yourself over the edge. When done properly, this should last a little while – and the orgasm at the end will be well deserved by the time you allow yourself to experience it!

Move #2: The Sandwich

For this particular technique, you’re going to imagine a sandwich. Your index and middle fingers are going to be the bread, and the hidden shaft of your clitoris is going to be the filling. You want to apply a gentle pressure to the clitoral area, without squeezing – you just want the gentle pressure to hold your clitoris in place when you rub it with the fingers of the other hand.

Once you begin to develop a rhythm with your rubbing (not too fast – we’re trying not to rush through it, remember!) you can begin to stroke the shaft of your clitoris with your “bread fingers”, while continuing to rub the outer button. It can take some work to master this one, but it’s definitely something you’ll love to learn!

Move #3: The Open-Faced Sandwich

Although this one sounds similar to Move #2, they couldn’t be more different. Where #2 focuses on the small details, the OFS focuses on the art of teasing. This art is often difficult to execute on yourself (and sometimes hard to execute with a partner, too!) but those who are able to restrain themselves will love this one.

For this move, use your outstretched palm (fingers apart) to rub your entire vaginal area, slowly and broadly. You will find yourself tempted to move in order to stimulate your clitoris – go with it! But don’t you dare use your fingers to directly stimulate – this move is all about teasing. After a while, you will probably find yourself bucking against the palm of your hand. Basically, you’re having a solo tribbing session. Those who enjoy being dominated will love that this move allows you to be your own master – leading to an intense, submissive orgasm.

Type B: The Water Players

For many women, their first time experiencing the pleasures of their own body probably happened in a bath tub, a shower, or a hot tub. The water offers a wonderful pressure without being too hard. (Well, unless you put the sprayer on too high.) If you haven’t tried all three methods, consider adding the rest to your repertoire. Note: Please don’t try any of these at public/community pools. Thank you!

Move #4: Blast Off

This method requires a pool, hot tub, or bath tub that has water jets in the sides. Please, use proper safety precautions to ensure that the water is not too hot. You will need to position yourself a short distance away from the jet, to start. If you are in a pool, you can probably stand about a foot back. For bath tubs and hot tubs, you may need to kneel.

Spread your legs apart and allow the higher-pressure water to press against your clitoris. If your body begs you to move closer, do! As you move closer you may also feel the urge to rock your hips – this can be a pleasurable way to find just the right spot, as you can’t actually move the jet itself. In time, the orgasm is inevitable. (With a partner, consider having her position herself against the jet while you penetrate her from behind!)

Move #5: Handheld Heaven

For those of you who have a massaging shower head but haven’t pleasured yourself with it yet – why not? Handheld Heaven requires that you take the showerhead off its post and position it close to your pubic area. The particular massage setting you use is a matter of personal preference – try experimenting with the different settings on your showerhead and see which one gets your heart pumping.

Once you start to get more into it, you can use your free hand to spread your vagina open to get a closer touch from the massager. If your shower has a step in it (or a tub that is a safe height), putting a leg up can help stimulate even further. Just make sure you don’t raise your water bill too high with all the extra time in the shower!

Move #6: Rubber Ducky

This can be a particularly relaxing experience, when done right. Start by filling your bathtub with just enough warm water to lay in. You can utilize bath salts, oils, and even fizzes to make for a more relaxing environment (just please make sure to use ones that are good for your body’s pH). Ease yourself into the water, with the faucet still slowly filling the tub. You should scoop up the relaxing water in your hands and sprinkle it onto your body – it should feel warm at first, and quickly cool to bring a delightful sensation. Pay particular attention to your nipples and tease yourself until you are thoroughly aroused.

Once you are ready, slide your body down until your clitoris is positioned underneath the running faucet, spreading your legs to allow it to stimulate you. Keep your hands off your entire pubic area – you should be moving your body against the water to bring yourself to orgasm. (You may choose to fondle your breasts.) If you can keep your hands off the whole time, the resulting orgasm will blow your mind!

Type C: The Prop Actors

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with using toys or other props to stimulate your sexual experience, even when you’re alone. Some women enjoy toys that replicate a partner’s presence (such as a pillow to rub against) while other women prefer more “traditional” sex toys. Either way, the world of prop-driven solo time is open to all sorts of experimentation!

Move #7: The Shovel

For this particular move, you’re going to need a vibrating dildo that is intended for G-spot stimulation. (If you’re not sure what counts, G-spot toys generally have a sharp curve at the non-handle end.) It also requires that you be pre-lubricated, whether naturally or with the assistance of a high-quality lube.

You will need to penetrate yourself with the toy, making a “digging” motion against your G-spot. (It will be on top, if you are lying on your back, so it might take you a few tries to hit it – but you will definitely know when you do!) Alternate between this “digging up” and sliding the toy all the way out and rubbing your clitoris with it. Typically, a gentle (but not too soft) vibration is best for this technique. Don’t give into the temptation to give up on the G-spot – there’s a reason women strive for this type of orgasm!

Move #8: Dental Work

If you have an electric toothbrush (and a spare head for it – please don’t use the same one you brush your teeth with!), you can pleasure yourself with the spinning head. This vibration is much more intense than from a traditional vibrator, so we don’t recommend placing it directly on your sensitive clitoris. Instead, “brush” along the outside, allowing the indirect stimulation to bring a powerful feeling.

If you don’t have an electric toothbrush, or simply don’t like the idea of using it on your vagina, you can modify this routine to use a traditional vibrator. It won’t be going inside of you, so the small bullet-style vibrators work well for this. In this variation, you should be using a very gentle setting to pulse your vagina – remember, we’re going for indirect stimulation here. The feeling won’t be exactly the same as if you use the toothbrush, but you won’t be faced with the awkwardness of trying to remember if you switched the heads back.

Move #9: Playstation

Although this move is best suited to a vibrating game controller (such as Playstation or Xbox), it can also be done with a cell phone – anything not typically “sexual” that vibrates. You will, of course, need to make it vibrate – many shooting games will vibrate when your player is killed, or you could have someone text your phone after you’ve positioned it. There is a certain level of anticipation involved with this move, as often it’s difficult to control the vibration, without moving the object that vibrates.

However, if you are able to find a way that gets the controller to vibrate at somewhat regular intervals, you may find that the suspense of having the vibration stop before you’re finished with it builds the excitement. Every time the vibration starts, you know it’s going to end – and when it begins vibrating again, it’s intense and pleasurable.

Have you ever finished having sex with someone and immediately started to wonder, WTF was that?! I know I have. It’s not something we’re proud of (usually), but sometimes in the nitty gritty moments of deep passion and hormones… Things get pretty weird.

If you think about it too hard, sex is sort of weird anyway. I mean, no two lesbians have exactly the same definition of where the line between “foreplay” and “sex” lies, no two lesbians have exactly the same interests (although, if you’ve found a partner who shares most of them, congratulations to you!).

What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had in the bedroom (or car, or shower, or wherever it happened!)? We want to hear about it! If you’re brave, you can share it in the comments – but those who are shy can share it anonymously through our contact page.

My Weirdest Lesbian Sex Story

It wouldn’t be fair if I asked for your stories and wasn’t willing to share one of my own, so here’s one of my strangest stories. Enjoy!

Several years ago, through a chain of circumstances, I ended up homeless for a short time. I wasn’t sleeping on the streets or anything like that (thankfully) but I was bouncing around from couch to couch, staying with whatever friends could take me in for a day or two. It was pretty rough, but thankfully I had a lot of good friends and family who were able to help me out.

For about a week, I was staying with one of my best friends. He lived with his mom, and he hadn’t exactly gotten permission from her for me to stay there. She liked me enough, and it’s not like I was eating all her food or anything, I just needed somewhere to sleep. So I’d sneak in after she went to bed, and I’d be out before she left for work in the morning.

Well, once or twice, I came back during the daytime, while she was gone at work. One time in particular, my friend’s girlfriend happened to be there – in a vinyl nurse outfit. I’d never really been into that sort of thing, but there are some things that you come around to when they’re standing right in front of you, if you catch my drift.

Now, generally, I consider friends’ girlfriends to be off limits. Same goes with the exes of friends or family members. No judgment on those who do it, but it’s not my thing.

Well, this was the one exception.

My friend, much to my surprise, actually gave the OK – he had given his girlfriend permission to seduce me. Now, I’m not really into having an audience, either, but this was one of those “when am I really going to have that chance again?” type of moments – so I went for it. I agreed to be her mistress!

As for my best friend, he didn’t video tape it. He didn’t join in. He didn’t comment. He just watched.

If you’ve never had an audience before, let me tell you… That’s a strange experience.

But I think it worked out pretty well, all things considered… And it’s something that I can say that I’ve done.

I’d probably never do it again – but just the one experience was enough for me.

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It’s a pretty popular opinion that your sex life should be… Well, sexy. There are a million different things this could mean, of course, but most women agree that an exchange of power happens in really good sex. Whether it’s one person taking complete control over the other person or a more balanced exchange, power is sexy – and this dominance in the bedroom is a fun way to play with the idea.

But sometimes, the balance of “who’s in control” can get a little… Dull.

When we do the same thing every time, it gets boring, so we need to find new ways to get our thrills.

When we think of our sexual relationships, it’s often seen as “unladylike” to be the one to initiate things. In a lesbian relationship this can create even more complications: It’s not unheard of to have two “femmes” in a relationship, nor is it unlikely that a stud could have less experience than a more feminine woman. Whether it’s assumed that you will take the lead, or it’s implied that your partner will – everyone has the power to take charge in the bedroom and be a sexy, erotic beast.

It can be quite an adjustment to go from the submissive role to the role of the aggressor, or the other way around, but if you’re looking to add a little extra to your play, it’s almost essential that you mix it up sometimes.

Here are our tips for your first time taking control of the situation!

1.    Figure out why it’s so hard for you.

Some women have a hard time taking control because they’re shy. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a great sex life, but it does present a slight problem if you want to take control. If you think you’re too shy to take control in the bedroom, you’ll need to evaluate why you lack the self-confidence in this department. (From here on out, we’ll refer to you as Group A.)

Some women buy into the whole “dominance isn’t ladylike” myth, and they think that it won’t be sexy. The fact of the matter is that this mindset is perpetuated by a patriarchal society, which – although usually polite towards feminine, ladylike girls –doesn’t generally respect them. Who’s to say you can’t be a nice girl and still enjoy hot, dirty sex? (We’ll call you ladies Group B.)

A third set of women are the ones who are simply used to being pursued, instead of doing the pursuing. That’s not a bad thing – especially if you’re here looking for advice on how to mix it up. You’ll need to decide what you think will be so different about taking control, as opposed to having your partner call the shots. Most of the time, it won’t be much different if you and your partner enjoy the same things. (Our “Pillow Princesses” will make up Group C.)

Finally, the last group of women is made up of those who are just inexperienced with sex in general, so they feel it may be best to let their partner lead the way. There’s nothing wrong with letting your partner show you the ropes, but if you have a firm understanding of the things that turn you on, you can still take control – even if you’re a virgin. (Ladies, you’ll be Group D for the remainder of this article.)

2.    Think about the things you like.

These don’t necessarily have to be things that you’ve tried – some of the fun of sex is experiencing new things, and if it’s a first for you and your partner (or if it’s something you already know she enjoys), why not give it a shot?

For Group A, it might be helpful to think of your “dominatrix” personality as the way to release all the tension and frustration that you would otherwise keep bottled up. There are many shy women who can transform into the sexiest vixens once they learn how to take control.

For Group B, this requires looking a little further than what your society and culture tells you that you should like. The most helpful way to take control without feeling like it makes you “unladylike” is to think of it as your dirty little secret. No one on earth has to know except you and your partner – and that can make it extra sexy.

For Group C, you may be interested in being in control purely because it represents something new, or maybe it’s something your partner has requested. Either way, you should try to focus on the pleasure you will be bringing to your partner – most women who take control are very aroused by the idea of making their partner beg for something they usually get without asking (so to speak). My friends in this category should consider this an opportunity to tease their partner, and themselves, before allowing the roles to “switch back” to their normal routine.

For Group D, you probably won’t know the things you enjoy yet – but that’s okay. Think about the thoughts that cross your mind when you touch yourself, and try to do those things to your partner. It won’t always be easy, but she should let you know if she’s enjoying herself – whether with her words or with her body.

3.    Avoid any surprises, if possible.

For all of my ladies reading this, it might be difficult to bring this subject up with your partner – but I assure you, it’s important that you talk it over first. There is always a chance that your partner doesn’t even want you to take control, or that she has some pointers for you. Your sexual experience is just as much about her as it is about you, after all, so it’s important that you know she’s on board with the idea too.

Group A – Talking about sex can be particularly nerve wracking for those of us who are super shy. Personally, I have a really hard time talking about what I want in the bedroom until I’m actually in the moment – so I save my sex talk for the middle of an “encounter”, or while I’m coming down from the climax afterwards. This is a time when your mind is already opened up to the idea of sex, so there’s no awkwardness about bringing it up.

Group B – Some of us may have been taught that it wasn’t right for “ladies” to talk about sex, and maybe even that “proper gentlemen” didn’t bring it up, either. It’s important to un-learn that idea when in the confines of a relationship, though – if you don’t talk about your sex life, it’s going to be horrible. Ladies and gentlewomen alike should feel free to talk about sex with their partner, because making sure your partner is happy? That’s always a respectable choice.

Group C – As I mentioned in the intro to this step, some women really aren’t into the idea of being pursued – and these are usually the women who pursue the “Pillow Princess” type in the first place. It’s possible that she experienced some abuse in the past and has issues associated with being touched – it’s vital that you know this before you proceed. Of course, some women pursue because that’s what’s expected of them, and they are usually willing to try being on the receiving end if it’s offered. The point is, you don’t know until you ask.

Group D – As long as your partner knows that you’re inexperienced (can we all vow to stop lying about our sexual history in 2016?) she should totally understand when you tell her you want to try taking control. She’ll probably give you some pointers, if she’s more experienced than you, or if she’s equally inexperienced, you two will have the chance to learn together. Just make sure you’ve got her permission first!

4.    Take your time.

In love and sex, there are no guarantees, and there are no one-size-fits-all timelines. If you’re not ready, there is no reason to push forward – and any partner who isn’t willing to respect your decision to wait is really not worth your time. (But that’s another story for another day.)

For the shy group, your partner knows you’re shy – and she most likely knows that it was difficult for you to get the courage to bring it up in the first place. You shouldn’t rush into the act of taking control until you’re sure you’re ready. (But be advised, there is never a “perfect time” – you have to create it.)

For the conservative group, the easiest time to take control might be in the middle of sex. It seems silly, but there’s something empowering about “taking over” in the middle of the act. Once you’re more comfortable with this idea, you can start unleashing your Sex Goddess mode from the beginning instead.

For the pillow princesses, your partner may give you hints about the things she likes – don’t try to rush into doing them all at once. If you’ve never given any sexual attention, consider starting with something simple like grabbing a handful of her hair while she’s going down on you. In time, you’ll probably open up more, but take it at your own pace.

For the inexperienced group, there should be no rush to try everything all at once. Introduce one or two small things at a time, and only add more when you’re comfortable with it. Rushing through all possible sexual experiences will only desensitize you to the simple things!

5.    Prepare.

Mentally prepare. Physically prepare. Get a costume if you’d like. Taking control of a situation you’ve never been in control of is almost like taking on a new character. Play it up and make it work for you!

For my shy girls in Group A, consider adding something simple, like a blindfold. This might help ease your shyness, as your partner won’t be able to see what you’re doing – and you’ll feel assured that she can’t see you blushing!

For the conservative types in Group B, we recommend going all out with a costume, and maybe even handcuffs for your partner. By creating your own alter-ego who is this hyper-sexual creature, you can separate yourself (out of the bedroom) from yourself (in the bedroom). This separation can alleviate any signs of guilt from doing something “taboo”. (Although you really shouldn’t feel guilty about the things you enjoy in the first place!)

To my princesses in Group C, it might be that you’re not used to not being stimulated during sexual activities – but rest assured, there are ways around this, as well. You can take control without being strictly a “giver” – either by sitting on your partner’s face in a traditional 69 position (and then pleasuring her as well), by sitting on a strap-on that she’s wearing (if you like penetration), or even by wearing the strap-on yourself (if she likes penetration). Many strap-ons offer a vibrating function that feels absolutely incredible, and helps to add “positive reinforcement” to the art of giving your partner pleasure.

For my inexperienced lovers in Group D, most of your preparation will be mental. As I said previously, there is no good reason to rush into every single sexual experience right away – and the easiest way to start taking control is to think of where your mind wanders. Does the thought of going down on her turn you on, or maybe the thought of using toys? There are no wrong answers here, as you are still exploring your own desires. If your partner has given you her own tips or requests, it’s always a good idea to try these things – as long as they’re something you’re comfortable with, too.

6.    Go for it!

No matter which group you’re in, go for it! The only way to know if it’s something that gets your juices flowing is to try it. You’ve mapped out the perfect plan, now set your plan into motion and reap the wonderful, pleasurable benefits. You’ve earned it!

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