Imagine… you’re at a party… or a bar… or a monthly book club at the library… and you meet the woman of your dreams. She is there sitting beside you…
But who is she. Who Is Your Dream Girl?
Imagine… you’re at a party… or a bar… or a monthly book club at the library… and you meet the woman of your dreams. She is there sitting beside you…
But who is she. Who Is Your Dream Girl?
It’s one of the few lesbian stereotypes that actually does seem to affect most of us: The straight girl crush. Sigh. Maybe you’ve been best friends forever, or maybe you just met this girl and started planning your night (or maybe even your life together) just to hear her drop the dreaded B word:
Whoops. For most of us, that’s a deal breaker. And if your straight friend actually is straight, and not a bisexual girl you’re subconsciously erasing, it’s pretty much unlikely that she is going to leave her boyfriend and profess her love to you.
(Besides, even if she did, that wouldn’t really be the best way to start a new relationship.)
So, what do you do when you find yourself stuck in this situation? We found a WikiHow tutorial that helps explain your way out of this.
Consider the risk of letting her know. Before you act hastily, this is a good question to think about. Think: if she doesn't already know or sense that you have feelings for her, telling her may make her feel your relationship is "unbalanced." She may feel a burden knowing that you feel something for her that she doesn't return. If she's uncomfortable knowing, it may make your friendship impossible. Another thing you should probably do, is check if she's homophobic, or uncomfortable with homosexuality. You should also take into account whether or not she knows your sexual orientation. So there's a risk involved in making your feelings known to her; consider carefully if you want to take that risk.
If you tell her, what are the chances that she’ll be weirded out and not want anything to do with you anymore? While it’s usually not the case, you’ll need to prepare yourself for the chance that it will happen. Are you willing to lose her as a friend if she’s creeped out by your confession?
If your friend already knows that you’re interested in other ladies, she may be less likely to have a homophobic response. It’s still possible, of course, that she will feel uncomfortable with the confession. It’s best if you either:
That seems like a broad generalization, and it is. There’s no real clear-cut list of risks – it’s different for everyone. Sometimes, it’s best not to tell her.
Set boundaries. Making sure you have clear guidelines in place for avoiding "bittersweet moments" will be key to getting over your feelings for your bestie. Having lots of chats about her love life, her feelings, etc., can really melt your heart - you listen to her problems and sigh thinking, "If only she felt that way about me." Does it make you feel more protective of her? Probably. Is it a good idea to have lots of sleepovers while having those "sensitive chats"? Probably not. More contact, more time together, especially in more intimate settings, means more chances that you will not be able to control your feelings. If you lose control, you may lose your friend. Stay in control by setting those boundaries.
Make sure you have clearly defined boundaries, the Wiki suggests. I happen to think this is a good rule of thumb for most things in life. You need to understand that your feelings do not automatically justify making a move.
If you’re concerned that you’ll take things too far, be very specific with yourself about what you will allow yourself to do. For example, if you feel particularly attracted to her when she’s gone for a run, try to avoid seeing her when she’s been running. This can be applied to almost any situation, as long as you can tell when to predict it.
It can also be helpful to give yourself a “breather” when your feelings are getting to be too much for you. Don’t put her off indefinitely, but perhaps postpone. You’re not her girlfriend, you don’t have to give her a reason why you say no – just give yourself a little distance until you can calm down a little.
You also may need to remind yourself what is appropriate when you are with her, because unavoidable temptations will likely arise even if you practice every “precaution”. Make sure you don’t intentionally engage in activities that cause deeper feelings on your part. If sitting close to her is tempting to you, leave a little space between you. If she’s a hugger and that makes your heart pitter-patter, avoid situations where she might hug you.
If you have already told her your feelings, you can explain what you are doing, but too much explaining (whether you give her the real reasons or not) can be awkward if you haven’t. This will have to be factored in.
Spend time with other friends! It's hard to get over someone when she is the only person you ever hang out with! Spread your time among others - chances are you've neglected your other friends since you and your bestie have been spending so much (too much, maybe?) time together (and maybe you have some apologizing to do...).
We already touched on telling her “not this time”, but it’s important that you spend time with other people – not just by yourself. If she’s the majority of your social time, it’s understandable that you will be more attracted to her – she’s meeting all of your social needs, after all.
Get to know your other friends closer, and make a point to spend at least as much time with other people as you spend with her. Of course, you can spend time by yourself too – it can be helpful to focus your mind and get your thoughts in order.
It’s important that your “time apart” doesn’t really count as time apart if you’re messaging each other the whole time, though. In the age of SMS and IM, anyone we want to talk to is just at our fingertips, all the time. Don’t give into the temptation to give her your “apart” time, too.
Remember, this is for your own emotional health – falling for the straight girl is hard!
Try learning/doing something new. Pick something that you and your best friend haven't done together, and that she doesn't do by herself. Pick something completely untouched by her, and try to keep it that way. (But don't push her away from it if she asks... just don't invite her if she does!) It will be good for you to do something that doesn't remind you of her (most likely, everything else will). Maybe you want to try to listen to a new type of music or try out a new restaurant.
It’s a cliché, but it helps in most situations where your emotional health is in jeopardy. You should devote some time to a new hobby, learning a new skill, even reading a book. Do something that keeps your mind occupied and distracted from thoughts of your future with her. (Most likely, that future isn’t going to happen – let it go.)
Whatever hobby you decide on, make sure you don’t associate this hobby with her somehow, or it’ll just make it harder to move on. This shouldn’t be something that you’re doing to appear more attractive to her. It should be something that makes you feel good about yourself.
If you find that it’s hard to get her off your mind, fill up more time! Ask your other friends what things they enjoy, and give some of them a shot. This is you time – learn about what you like, what you want, and what you enjoy.
Beware of becoming the "anti-you"! Trying new things, meeting new people, and moving ahead with life does not mean you stop being the person you have always been. Don't do things simply because your bestie doesn't do them - when trying new things, pick things that you genuinely do enjoy and/or are open to!
The risks associated with trying new things can tempt you to lose sight of who you really are, but make sure you don’t fall for that trap. If you genuinely don’t like something, don’t stick with it. If you start to dislike yourself, your emotional health will suffer for it – and it’ll make your situation seem more hopeless.
Instead of changing yourself to fit the new things you’re trying, let go of any that don’t bring you joy. If you really like who you are changing into, that can be fine, too. Just make sure you stay genuine and you understand the things that influence you.
If it’s not having a positive impact on you, it’s not worth your time.
Boost your confidence! It can be a real ego-killer trying to subconsciously impress a girl that you know you can never be with. Go work out! Go after that goal of yours that has been on the back burner for so long! Volunteer at a local food bank or homeless shelter, or at Habitat for Humanity ! Feel good about yourself! Really, exercise will do you wonders! Not only will you look better, feel better, but you can finally fall asleep without spending hours of obsessing over your crush.
Any form of rejection is bound to hurt, even if it’s minor. Whether we want to think of it as a rejection or not, the realization that your “dream girl” isn’t into you can definitely affect you almost as much as if you had actually dated and broken up.
Consider taking the same steps you would take after a break-up (assuming, of course, that you handle your break-ups in a healthy way). Work on things that make you feel good, and things that you are good at. Don’t try to challenge yourself by “turning” the straight girl – this almost always ends in disaster. (If you have a situation where it didn’t, let me tell you, that girl wasn’t really straight.)
We have a number of articles on KitschMix dealing with self-care after a break-up; feel free to work through those templates in order to bring yourself to enlightenment on the subject.
Love your best friend. Just because you are getting over your crush on her does NOT mean you should stop loving your best friend. Love comes in many forms. Remember that just because your best friend might not feel the same way about you romantically, it does not mean that she doesn't care for you at all! Not only is she your best friend, but you are hers. Cherish the fact and be glad for what you do have.
Just because you’re not allowing yourself to be attracted to her (as if that really works) doesn’t mean you can’t love her as a friend. It’s an important distinction between the two, and the lines can become blurred – so make sure you regularly evaluate the situation to make sure it’s working for you.
Chances are, this woman cares deeply about you, even if she doesn’t reflect your romantic and physical attraction. Love comes in many forms, and you need to find the form that works best for your friendship.
If you have already confessed your feelings for her, reassure her that you will not act on those feelings unless she initiates it. (Your exact wording should be tailored to suit the possibility of it actually happening – generally speaking, you can simply say that you won’t act on it, and it’ll imply that you’d be down if she came up with the idea.)
Be careful with this, though. There are some people who may use your affections against you. Of course we would hope that your friend won’t do this to you, but it would be naive to assume it never happens. Keep yourself on guard, and don’t let yourself get taken advantage of.
Be happy for her. You will need to rejoice when she rejoices... even if that's upon her finding her true love. Resist the temptation to spend all your time with her moping because she's found someone to love. Don't try to sabotage or talk trash about him. These things will only drive a wedge between you If you need some space, simply take it by being less available. Don't say things like, "It's just too hard for me to see you with him." ... Awkward.
As her friend, it is your job to be happy for her when she is happy, and to be sad for her when she is sad. If she’s just been through a break-up, don’t try to swoop in and take advantage of the situation – just be there for her. If she’s just found her true love (even if you think he’s a dweeb), congratulate her on her new romance and leave it at that.
Don’t say that she’d be better with you – even if that’s the case.
Don’t let your jealousy control your opinions of her boyfriend. If he’s a good guy, give him credit.
Of course you should let her know if you notice that there is legitimately something about him that’s not good for her. If you catch him cheating, for example, you should let her know – but without your implications. Don’t give opinions unless she asks. And never try to trap him in situations to make him look bad.
This will just come across as you being jealous and petty, and it runs the risk of losing her as your friend. You’ve worked this hard to keep her comfortably in your life, why would you try to ruin it now?
Realize that this friendship is worth the effort. And also know that things get better in the end. Be grateful you have such an amazing best friend though! (Really though, SHE is awfully lucky, too - YOU ARE AMAZING for going through such hardship for her!)
All relationships require effort, and a friendship is no different. Understand that you will need to put a significant amount of effort into the friendship in order to ensure that it’s not going to be awkward. If you have shared the burden, it may be a little easier on your end, but realize that it could make it more difficult for her.
In some cases, when we share our feelings with someone who doesn’t feel the same way, she may feel pressured to accommodate you. As the one who developed feelings, you should do whatever you can to minimize the work on her part – after all, in most cases, it’s not her fault you fell for her.
It’s not exactly your fault, either, but the less awkward you can make it, the better the chances of keeping the friendship intact.
Give. You know what the best thing is about forgetting about the girl you can never be with? It is YOU GIVING! Give of yourself - try to make someone else happy. Stop thinking so much about what you are (or aren't) getting, and think about what you can give. Go volunteer, get a pet, take care of something! Invest in something that needs you! There are so many causes/projects/people out there that need you - NEED you. Go find one!
No, not to her – to something that will make you feel better about yourself. Maybe this ties in with the hobby you’ve found, but if your hobby doesn’t give back, consider picking up another. Some good options include volunteering at a local shelter, or a soup kitchen, or even adopting a rescue pet. Find another type of love to help you get over your crush.
Not everyone is into volunteering, but it’s scientifically proven that helping others makes us happier. Think about the people you know who are selfish – don’t they seem miserable? The opportunities to volunteer in your local community vary widely, so there is bound to be something that actually complements your life.
It will take time, and in some cases money, to help others – but what you get in return is a feeling that can’t be matched.
Of course, the path toward getting over any unrequited crush can be a difficult road, but it’s important for your own sanity if you get over it before you’ve invested too much of your heart and soul into it. It might be difficult, but it won’t get easier if you wait longer – it’ll get harder.
You also need to make sure that you don’t get the idea that “getting it out there” will increase your chances with her. As mentioned previously, if she’s confident in her heterosexuality, nothing’s going to change her mind, and by pressuring her otherwise you are attempting to manipulate the situation in your favor – never a good idea with someone you care about (or even slightly respect).
Lastly, you should never beat yourself up over your friend not returning your feelings. We have no control over who we do and do not find attractive, and just as you are not able to stop yourself from wanting her, she can’t just force herself to want you, either. Don’t be upset – just focus on the positives of your friendship.
It’s a part of the appeal of any fictional series. We want to find people in the act who we feel drawn to, and for the romantic in us, we want to be able to picture ourselves with them. Sometimes these characters are in TV shows and movies, while other times they may come from different media.
As lesbians, it’s also in our nature to seek out media which shows us – something that, until relatively recently, was pretty hard to do. Now there are a ton of icons of the lesbian community that we can look up to and aspire to be with, or to be like.
How many of these fictional lesbians would make your own list?
Okay, so these ladies aren’t “exactly” fictional, nor are they “exactly” lesbians.
The ladies of t.A.T.u rose to fame with the implication that they were lesbians – which, it was revealed later, was a bit of a marketing ploy. However, those who know me, know that music is a huge part of my life, so it would make sense that there would be musicians on this list. Even though the “lesbians” that they were in their videos was merely an act (and therefore they wouldn’t meet the criteria for real-life lesbian role models), the fact that they had international audiences convinced that they were really gay makes them a shoe-in for a “fictional” lesbian category.
It’s highly unlikely that you haven’t heard of t.A.T.u if you were interested in pop/electro music in the early 2000’s. They never really reached super stardom, but they stayed in the spotlight for years. Unfortunately, last year, Yulia made some anti-gay comments that caused quite a stir, but Lena spoke out saying she absolutely does not agree with the comments. Thanks for your support, Lena!
This couple was a part of the teen drama “South of Nowhere” – did any of you watch that show too? Anyway, in the show, Spencer has just moved to LA from Ohio (if I remember correctly) and she discovers that she might actually be interested in girls – something she had never considered before – and she begins this wild yo-yo romance with Ashley Davies. I’m not going to give anything away if you want to go watch it, but basically, this was one on-screen romance that I loved as a teenager.
In the show, Spencer and Ashley learn to explore the full extent of their feelings throughout the show, and is in the rare category of shows which examines sexuality being fluid – which is pretty monumental for a show aimed at teenagers. Watching this show, I was drawn to the innocence of Spencer as well as the freeness of Ashley. I highly recommend you check it out if you haven’t already.
The L Word fans will immediately recognize this name. Basically, as a writer, Alice sums up a lot of what I hope for in my own life – although she has some flaws, she’s able to find success and make decent choices in regards to her friendships and (usually) good choices in her relationships.
I think my crush on Alice is based on my own personal goals. After all, we’re attracted to women whose life plans mesh well with ours – and I could picture myself lining up quite nicely with Alice.
The popularity of The L Word tells me that I probably don’t have to explain much here, but for those few who haven’t seen it, it details the lives of several (fictional) lesbians in LA and the drama that’s intertwined with their lives. If you haven’t actually seen it yet, you definitely should – although it’s no longer in production.
Maggie is the leading character in one of my favorite “lesbian movies”, Better than Chocolate. In the movie, she is a less-than-out artistic lesbian who just wants to be accepted as she is – flawed and loving. Well, she’s also beautiful, and she deals with her many crises in the movie quite well. (She does have quite a few crises, though.)
If you haven’t seen the movie, I encourage you to check it out – it’s a beautifully poignant movie that tackles not only lesbian issues, but also the issues of other sub-sections of the gay community. It’s beautifully written and I’m consistently surprised that it’s not more popular.
Last Life is something that I have just recently learned about, but I am enthralled in the story. The show follows two witches, who are soul mates – separated by a million factors, but destined to be together. Basically, she screws up somehow, and her most recent incarnation will be her last.
Something interesting to me is that Sloan isn’t “exactly” a lesbian – in her past life, she was a man. This is an interesting premise, as there is a belief in my family that those of us who are gay, may have been the opposite gender in a past life. It was very interesting for me to discover that my family is not alone in this theory.
There are a million other things going on here, and it’s hard to explain to those who haven’t seen the series. Sloan is inspirational to me as she represents power, mystery, and the pull between good and evil. After all, isn’t that something we all deal with? Okay, so maybe most of us don’t have magical powers, too, but that’s a minor detail.
This is a bit of a different subject for me. It seems that less people read books these days, which means that if a book doesn’t make it to the big times, it’s likely to be overlooked. Hard Love tells the story of an independent zine writer, Johnny, and his friendship with the complex Marisol. I happened upon this book before I came out as a teenager, and I have read it probably a dozen times since then.
Marisol Guzman is a writer, an adoptee, an honor student, and a lesbian. Of course, there are many other aspects of her personality, but these four separate characteristics help to shape a majority of her decisions throughout the book and helped to endear me to her character. If you have the chance to read this book, even as an adult (it’s a young adult fiction novel), I highly recommend it.
There are probably a hundred other fictional lesbians I could detail here, but I think it would be more fun to learn about yours! I’m always looking for new TV shows to explore, new movies to watch, new books to read… Especially ones with gay and lesbian themes. It’s absolutely exciting that they are getting more light lately, and I look forward to your recommendations of fictional lesbians to crush on.
Country superstar Faith Hill took to the stage at on Sunday nights 2015 Billboard Music Awards, where she joined Little Big Town to perform the band’s controversial single Girl Crush.
The four-member band sang behind mic stands as the song began. Cheers erupted from the audience as Hill, dressed in all black, joined the group onstage, singing the lyrics to the song’s second verse.
Girl Crush, the second single released from Little Big Town’s sixth album Pain Killer, peaked at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart despite being the center of controversy for its presumably lesbian themes. Several country radio stations pulled the song from air for the lyrics’ “gay agenda.”
Some of the lyrics in question include
I want to taste her lips, yeah cause they taste like you / I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume / I want her long blond hair, I want her magic touch / Yeah cause maybe then, you’d want me just as much … I got a girl crush.”
Little Big Town’s latest single Girl Crush has been at the tops of the country charts on iTunes for several weeks. However, the ballad is being pulled from country radio stations in America, after audiences have complained the song’s lyrics “promot[es] the gay agenda.”
The lyrics these fans are upset over: “I want to taste her lips, yeah ’cause they taste like you/ I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume/ I want her long blond hair, I want her magic touch/ Yeah ’cause maybe then, you’d want me just as much/ I got a girl crush.”
According to the band, the song isn’t even about a woman in love with another woman. It’s about a scorned woman who is trying to understand why her man left her.
In an interview with Vevo; Little Big Town’s Phillip Sweet said
“Country music was built on songs about heartache and jealousy. This woman is just looking at the woman her man left her for and wondering, ‘What does she have that I don’t have? What am I missing? What is it that she’s giving you that I can’t give you?'”
Fellow country artists and Nashville songwriters have chimed in on the controversy in support of Little Big Town.
Singer Charlie Worsham pointed out that fans should take more issue with the “boozy objectification of women” seen in many of today’s country tunes.
even if Girl Crush was some kind of lesbian-50-shades song (it isn't), how could it be more offensive than any of the boozy objectification
— Charlie Worsham (@charlieworsham) March 22, 2015
While interviewing the band, country radio host, Bobby Bones, expressed his frustration over the schism between what sells and what country radio airs.
“It shouldn’t even matter if it’s a lesbian song, is the first thing. Is it frustrating to you that here is your song — that is one of the Top 10 sellers for weeks and weeks and weeks — and people on the radio are still afraid to play it because they think it’s a ‘lesbian song?'”
The band agreed, with the lead vocalist Karen Fairchild saying,
“Just the fact that we’re still discussing that, number one, there’s so many problems with that whole issue.”
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