Tag Archives: growing up

How to Deal With Negative People

I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret: I have always been a major nerd. Sure, I hid it for a while underneath some really rebellious clothes, but on the inside, I’m still the little girl who brought sci-fi novels and my pet snake to show-and-tell. (Not on the same week, of course – that would just be silly.)

The current group of nerds I identify most with isn’t the alien fanboys or the ophiophilists, though. (That would be snake-lovers, for those not up on their lingo.) These days, I’m a self-identified planner nerd – and it amazes me on a daily basis that there are people who feel the need to critique planner nerds for our love of planning things out.

Let me tell you: I don’t plan for the popularity it will (or, more likely, won’t) bring me. I plan to keep myself sane and organized. And you know what? I can always tell the difference when I tell myself I don’t have the time to plan. Like anyone else with an obsessive love or something, there’s a reason for the things I do – and I don’t care if the haters don’t like it.

If you’re struggling with people who put you down for the things you’re into, screw them! You shouldn’t live your lives to make someone else happy, especially if it means sacrificing the things that make you happy. Here’s my 7-step process for dealing with these negative people. Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments!

1. Accept that these people are bullies.

While we usually associate bullies with the people who steal your lunch money, pull your hair, or trash-talk you on social media, it’s important to realize that there are other types of bullies, and if the negative people in your life are trying to rain on your nerd parade, that is their problem.

In this situation, your visibility makes you a target. No, that doesn’t mean you should hide – the closet is a terrible place to live, no matter which closet it is. But you do need to realize that the only reason they’re picking on you is because you’re there. If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.

2. Understand that it’s not about what you do.

Since we’ve already established that these haters are really just bullies, it gets a little easier to depersonalize the things that they say. Remember, they’re just haters – they’re going to find something to be negative about.

Toxic people are really good at seeing the negative in everything and sucking the joy out of everything. They’re going to do whatever they can to cut others down, because they’re not happy with the way their life is going. Maybe they’re jealous of your talents and habits, or maybe they just don’t understand what you’re doing, but one thing is for sure: They’re doing it because of them, not because of you.

3. Distance yourself from shitty people.

This is probably the most clichéd piece of advice I give out, but it’s still just as true as the first time it was said: You can’t live a positive life with a negative attitude. Being around people who have a negative attitude about things will eventually wear down your shine – so don’t give them the satisfaction! Avoid spending any more time with negative people than you absolutely have to.

Understandably, sometimes you can’t avoid the negative people. Maybe they’re your family members, or your coworkers, or some other affiliation that’s not so easy to get out of. In these cases, it’s best to stay busy doing your own thing. Don’t give them the time to break you down, no matter how they try. It’s completely appropriate to ignore the people who are passing judgment on things that have nothing to do with them.

4. Hang onto your own happiness.

It’s most important to remember that these negative people are trying to suck the happiness out of you, so if you get visibly upset about it or let it change who you are, the bullies are winning. We don’t like it when the bullies win, because they’re jerks. Keep doing the things that bring you joy, and don’t let them take the fun out of it!

In some cases, I find that a witty or sarcastic response works, but take caution: Some people are completely inept to sarcasm and will not get it. Others might be a little too sensitive to sarcasm, and lash back out at you. When in doubt, though, just smile and continue on with your day. The more positive you can be in your forced interactions, the better – maybe it’ll even rub off on them eventually.

5. Don’t be a victim.

Remember how I said that you’re a target because you’re visible? Remember that – and make sure that what they do is visible, too. If you show these hurtful people that their words and actions won’t be tolerated, they’re less likely to happen again. Confront your toxic person in a public place, and let it be known that you are being harassed (if applicable).

If their targeting of you actually does constitute harassment, and/or if confronting them didn’t change anything, you might need to go higher up. If the harassment occurs at work, bring it up to your supervisor. If it happens at school, speak with a teacher or staff member. And, if it’s happening at home, speak with another trusted family member. Don’t let them pick on you for something that isn’t hurting anyone.

6. Find your tribe, and stick with them.

One of the most overlooked tools in our arsenal is our social circle – so use it to your advantage! When you find friends and colleagues who share in your “unconventional” interests, you’re building up your own personal support network. These people understand the struggles you face with your interests, and they will help comfort you when things get bad.

If you can’t find people who share the same interests you have, make sure you’re reaching out to people who are positive and supportive. These people are all around you, but they might be a little harder to find – they don’t always step up in defense of a stranger, but once you have them as friends, they’re a lot more likely to stick up for you. Negativity is louder than positivity, so you’ll need a bigger team if you want to beat it.

7. Keep on rocking it.

Lastly, you need to remind yourself that you do not live to please the negative people. Follow your passions, and be unapologetically yourself. Those other people don’t matter, and they never will. They’ll never really be successful in life, because the biggest success of all is finding something you love, and doing it well. The haters can’t love anything – so they’ll never be very good at anything, either.

There’s a reason you’re interested in the things you’re interested in, and the haters don’t have to understand your reasons – or even respect them, if I’m being totally honest. As long as you are comfortable with yourself (and your personal safeties aren’t being compromised), you can effectively forget about the people who focus their negative attention on you.

Growing Up And Carrying Your Home With You

Home is where the cats are, or where the heart is, or, according to the great popular philosophers, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, home is wherever I’m with you.

Despite the limiting, for people who decide they’re better on their own, nature of a song of an otherwise high artistic and sentimental value – with the bonus brownie points of making you feel like the queer protagonist of a domestic fanfiction in a brightly lit kitchen in a New York apartment, with kittens purring around your ankles – this song succeeds in making one thing perfectly clear: the sense of home is many things, and stable is not one of them.

The word ‘home’ is largely overused, posing in inspirational quotes written in aesthetically pleasing fonts on doormats, coffee mugs and phone power-banks.

It is a passe-partout, referring to origins, culture, family, a cottage with ditsy floral curtains, afternoon naps and jasmines, company and isolation and all the feelings of peace and quiet and lack thereof. It is bricks and cement and steady incomes, and struggling and panting after bills and self-discovery and just clouds.

At least that was where I had always found my sense of home: in a frozen airplane descending in various pretentious stages of the sky, sunrises and sunsets where pastel watercolors melted into solid ground, a new city with tiny ants that turned to cooler people than those I knew, with legos that turned to prettier houses than those of my hometown. Home for me was partly, until recently, where my dog was, and other than that, anywhere but here.

I was that kid in the indie movie who wanted to run away. I hated school and everyone in it – with a few bright exceptions. I hated the opportunities my city seemed to give me and the lack of understanding I seemed to receive. Its appearance, its architecture, how mean people could get, how the streets were not clean and the bookshops not old enough, how we didn’t have a river, or cherry blossoms in the spring.

I thought that, somehow, all this was interconnected with the fact that I didn’t exactly have a community, a sense of belonging. I surely did have friends, wonderful ones at that, but the narrow-mindedness of other people I knew suffocated me and made me feel as an outsider in the very streets I had grown up. One thing was sure: I needed to leave. It felt as if I had nothing to hold me back. Well, except from the puppy, but I would figure that out.

I found home at an Airbnb flat in Belleville, the neighborhood with the uncountable florist shops, and bookshops, and sometimes both of them.

As much as I loved my own family, I found another one in Ireland: an Internet penpal who became my diary and then my therapist and, to this day, sister-by-choice, as well as her wonderful Molly Weasley kind of mother with a supportive attitude towards all things LGBT. I was adopted by their little cottage and their genderfluid cats.

Then I found myself lost in London, wondered how I had never appreciated this noise before, how one could have grown up without all that theater. I left my heart in John Keats’ house at Hampstead Heath, wondering how anyone could have ever wanted to live anywhere else. Then I came back.

With my head desperately stuck somewhere between the West End and the Lion King lyrics, the marvel of Glendalough, the LGBT bookshop, and Fanny Brawne’s lines, I wandered in the subway dizzy and lost, with my eyes shut in dangerous denial.

That was how that day started.

Back in Athens last September, I visited our local LGBT youth organization and became a member. Suddenly those streets I had deemed so ugly grew dear to me when embellished with steps of new friends and loved-ones. Drunk nights out, a community, things to do, places to go, a sense of purpose, people like me, jokes like those I cherished the most, holding oblivious hands at 2AM and running between the cars like children.

It wasn’t only one of them: being active, having something I was interested in that made me want to work for, the new friends, the new places I discovered or the love I happened to fall in.

It was a combination of all of them, and the gut-punching shock that life can be good even outside the dream I had built to keep it going. It was tears, regret, disarray, dirty alleys and always almost throwing up, and it was horrible, and it made me never want to leave again. It was growing up; and it was messy and exactly how I had dreamt it and it was finally happening to me.

After that change took place, I also moved out of my parents’ house. Having a place which I could call /my/ home, with records on walls I would have painted the colour of Squidward from Spongebob, my friends able to come over whenever, and my cat uninterrupted in a kingdom without anyone to give a shit about scratches in the sheets, had been my hugest dream, and continues to be while I’m sitting amongst unpacked boxes that are soon to become cat forts.

Yet, I still completely freaked out the first night I stayed there, just because I realized the change that was about to happen. Me, the person who wanted to live all over the world, freaking out at the idea of change, even when this change is desirable and towards better circumstances, even though I wouldn’t even move away from the city and would be just 40′ by car away from my dog.

I also keep freaking out (because that’s what I do) when I take a step back and inspect the work I’m putting in this tiny home that means so much to me, and then I realize that I might leave again soon, to continue my studies abroad, or for whichever reason.

Is my home – THE home – going to stop being such? And what is the point in printing posters and putting fairy lights everywhere and colour coding my books all over again, if it’s to be for a limited period of time? Doesn’t it go a bit like relationships? Don’t get too invested when you know that something is going to end?

At that point, with the quarter life crisis starting a bit early, I stumbled upon an article that reflected my feelings and was written, as I found out with pleasant surprise, by a school classmate of mine, a wonderfully kind and talented person who I was always fond of. It made me incredibly happy to find out that she wrote, to read something that was hers, and to realize her thoughts were echoing mine.

And that made me think of all the places I’ve called home at different points: the house where my mother grew up in an island much more than the actual house I grew up in. That (the family) house, but after our dog came. That hotel room when I visited Crete with my dad. Parks and bookshops around Europe. Some places I had stayed at for less than five days, and that made me want to  agree and, as the person who stayed back, after all, rephrase: it’s important to lose your very rigid sense of home as you grow up, because change happens, but it’s also important to carry the fluidity of home with you, to transfer and convert it. So be a turtle. You can have multiple homes, all serving a different purpose, all creating different memories that make you you.

Somewhere in the process, the only certainty is that some places will fail to make a home. Some people will, too. But some others won’t.

Our life is made up from hundreds of tiny lives, defined by huge and by smaller things, such as the fandoms you change. Don’t beat yourself up for being reborn. Carry your photos with you, visit but don’t lament, change the wallpaper into constellations, even if you had once sworn faith to florals.

21 Undeniable Adult Truths

As a kid all we wanted to do was grow up and become an adult, now that we’re all adults — term loosely used of course — we’d love to go back to the day of being a kid.

Here are 21 truths about being and adult that are spot on!

1. Part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?

7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection, again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

16. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

20. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


21 Awesome Toys Every 80s Lesbian Wanted For Their Birthday

If you grew up in the 80s, you’ve probably owned or (wished to own) many of these classic toys.

Our toys may not have been as complex back then as they are now, but they were definitely much better. Some were so awesome that they’re making it back to the toy shop shelves.

Here are just some toys we remember having as a child – memories!

1. Rainbow Brite Dolls

What gay youth didn’t play with Rainbow Brit Dolls. In fact didn’t this rainbow propaganda turn us all-gay – with their bold colours, yarn hair, and drag-queen make-up.


2. Jem and the Holograms Dolls

Well, if you couldn’t actually BE Jem, at least you could play with the dolls, especially with the bad girl trio – the Misfits – who kicked ass.


3. Barbie and the Rockers

In the mid 80s Barbie all of sudden became cool and rebranded herself. She had a mic, shoulder pads and a pink bow (Jem influence – we think yes).


4. She-Ra: Princess of Power

She-Ra was the ultimate 80s badass who didn’t take shit from anybody. Plus, she was actually an action figure and not a doll.


5. Walkman

Not just a toy but a way of indicating to other people that you were cool and your music taste was of course amazing.

6. Fisher-Price Medical Kit

Why, doctors and nurses – hello! See back then we were saving stuffed animals’ lives before Doc McStuffins was even a gleam in Disney’s eye.


7. Strawberry Shortcake Dolls

They smelled great, they were adorable dolls and they had TV show which was addictive.


8. My Little Pony

MAGICAL PONIES that came in every colour combination imaginable. Apple Jake just ruled – not a boy but a butch little pony.


9. Glo-worm

We didn’t have this because we were scared at night. Honest.

10. Barbie Corvette

The 80s were about excess, and nothing reflected that better than this silver Corvette (also it was a welcome relief from all that pink!).


11. Fisher-Price 1-2-3 Roller Skates

These magical devices meant you could skate and wear your sneakers at the same time.


12. Care Bears

You were convinced a good “Care Bear Stare” would get your parents to stop grounding you and making you eat your vegetables.


13. Sharp Boombox

In the 80s everyone who was anyone was making mix-tapes with songs recorded on the built-in radio. A must have.


14. Speak and Spell

The original and best iPad. Can still be seen in the Toy Story films. Yay.

15. Boglins

Surely it is time to bring Boglins back – but without the weird plastic smell that lingered on your fingers.

16. Thundercats Lion-o’s sword

This wasn’t necessarily yours but your brothers, but it was perfect for attacking your younger relatives.

17. Talking Teddy Ruxpin

Back then, he was the magical storytelling bear with the slightly creepy voice whose lips moved.

18. Castle LEGO

Couple of hours to build it up. Just 15 minutes for your younger siblings to completely destroy it.

19. The Smurfs

There were a zillion smurfs to collect, but in every kids toy collection you had around 2 to 3 of these little blue things, one of which was lady smurf and papa.

20. Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine

You wanted this more than anything. Then you released the limitations. Crushing ice is not fun. 2 drink sashes means you have to look for alternatives, which never work.


21. Game Boy

The ultimate 80s game changer – 2 dimensional gameplay and hours (even years) wasted playing Tetris. In fact the theme tune still haunts me now.