Tag Archives: Heartbreak

Does Your Cheating Girlfriend Deserve a Second Chance?

Is cheating worth breaking up over?

We all know someone who has been in a rotten relationship, where their pattern cheats or lies to them. Yet, no matter what they are willing to give that someone a second chance.


But, does anyone really deserve a second chance?

Should we simply move on the first time that we break up? When and how does someone deserve a second chance?

The biggest issues are always cheating and trust. (Usually in that order.)

If someone cheats on you (or has an affair, whatever terminology you prefer) does she deserve a second chance? Should you break it off?

Well, you know as well as I do that if you discover that your lover is a cheater – you will end up having trust issues and no matter how hard you try, what you do, or your individual situation: you’ll have a hard time trusting your partner again (if you ever trust them again).

You know that as soon you have the slightest suspicion that they’re up to no good; you’ll obsess. You’ll question, And you’ll suspect, and soon the question of whether or not your partner is being faithful will consume majority of your thoughts.

So, what if you discover your girlfriend is cheating or has cheated – What do?

In the past, I’ve gone both ways on this subject. I’ve handed out second chances like they were candy on Halloween, and I’ve also cut my losses and moved on.

The woman I continued to let come back (and yes, it happened more than once) eventually showed that she was never going to change, so I cut her loose. She and I had dated on and off for 2.5 years. She’s married now (surprisingly) and still calls from time to time wanting to know if we can “get together”, which I know means more than a simple coffee date

It also shows me that she hasn’t changed. Three years after our break up and she’s still the same.

So, what would you do in the event you uncovered an affair?


Not the End of the World: A Lesbian’s Guide to Surviving a Breakup

A Lesbians Guide to Surviving a Break-Up – Breaking up is never easy, whether you’re gay, straight or lesbian. Sometimes you’ll feel so terrible that you’ll never want to see anyone else again for as long as you live. But there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Here’s how you can find it:

  1. Accept what has happened – The first reaction people have to the end of a relationship is ‘Oh my God, how could this have happened?’ Denial is a natural response but it isn’t very healthy. Once you start to accept the reality of the end of your relationship the healing process will begin.
  2. You might be angry – This too is a natural next step on the road of grieving. At this stage you’ll probably want to get some distance on your partner. It will probably be sensible to move out of the house you were sharing or to spend time with other friends.
  3. Don’t be scared to ask for help – Get in touch with your friends, but not the friends you share with your ex. You need someone who will listen to you and take you seriously, without judging you.
  4. Mourn – but not for too long – Again, feeling maudlin is perfectly normal in this situation. There will be a long period of feeling sorry for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that. After a while though, you may start feeling like you are wallowing in the pain when what you really need to do is pick yourself up and get on with your life. You can’t let this bad experience destroy you.
  5. Achieve closure – Make sure you say what you need to say to her and then leave it at that. If you can’t do that face to face then do it by phone or email. You need to be able to feel like you said and did everything you could and that now it is over, the matter is closed.
  6. Don’t be tempted by a rebound – It can be attractive to some to run into the arms of the nearest person offering comfort and love. This may not be wise as your healing process will almost certainly be continuing. It may not be fair either on yourself or the rebound.
  7. Don’t keep it all bottled out – There’s nothing wrong with crying and displaying your emotions. However, you may find it more productive to work through your feelings doing creative activities such as painting, music or writing. Best not to turn to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain – your mental and physical health will pay for it and it will not be the fix you really need.


The Magical Moment When You Realise You No Longer Love Your Ex?

Mila Jaroniec; a writer living and working in New York, has captured this moment fantastically in the article ‘Upon Realizing You No Longer Love Your Ex’… take a read

When this happens, you can be doing anything at all: waiting in line for a latte, jamming your feet into office-appropriate pumps, waking up still hazy-drunk next to your one night stand. Literally anything. You can be doing whatever normal, everyday thing you’re doing, and suddenly you realize, with an urgent nervousness, you haven’t thought about your ex in days. You’re shocked and surprised — how the hell? They used to be on repeat in your brain every day for the past five months. But now that you’ve realized you haven’t been thinking about them, you start to think about them.

And you wait for the familiar rush of nausea, but it doesn’t come. Pause and consider this. Why not? This is, after all, the person who put you in an emotional coma for what felt like forever, who is borderline responsible for the subtraction of thirty pounds and probably as many years off your life, judging by the endless cigarette cartons and liquor bottles that are still turning up around the apartment. How can you think about this person, this person you signed away your heart to and who once meant the world to you, and suddenly, inexplicably, feel nothing at all?

Somehow, you can. You consider them a little longer, trying to remember their face, the sound of their name in your voice. But it’s difficult to remember these details, they’re so far down the tunnel. Something changed. Something shifted. You briefly think about them kissing whoever took your place, bracing yourself for the instant tightening in your chest. And… nothing. You continue to find yourself completely and deliciously blank.

It’s exhilarating. You’re relieved. Finally. Finally you can stop half-assing your life, cautiously keeping your distance from certain people, places, objects and times of day for fear of another meltdown. You’re excited to finally be able to listen to that one song all the way through, the one you loved so much before you associated it with them and could no longer stomach. It’s yours again. You have it back. You can finally chill out and go on that nerve-free coffee date with the mutual friend you’ve been avoiding. You can eat grilled cheese totally objectively once again, indifferent to the fact that they liked it with a ridiculous amount of sriracha or the fact that you, in hopeful displays of affection, used to draw sriracha hearts on top of their grilled cheese sandwiches.

Then, out of nowhere, you’re consumed by a dim fear. It scares you that you don’t care anymore, that they could win a Pulitzer or get deported and it would all be completely the same. You’ve never been indifferent, and now you are — something inherently shifted that made you go from loving, craving this person so deeply, from being willing to forgive them anything just for one more moment in their arms, to feeling absolutely nothing at all. Their existence is no longer of any import. You wonder whether you had the wrong idea about yourself all along.

Maybe there was no “emotions off” switch that got flicked. Maybe it was a gradual erasure and your heart just now acknowledged what your head figured out long ago. Either way, your sensibility got altered somehow: you can now see clearly. They don’t love you, and that’s totally okay because you don’t love them either. You think back to the person you were three months ago, trembling and crying in an empty, unmade bed. You don’t recognize that person.

At first, it’s not enough to sever the connection with the person who broke your heart – for some strange, human reason, you want them to know how much damage they really did. You want your pain validated; want them to be moved by some overwhelming feeling (regret? despair?) and feel just as small and brittle as you do. And then you feel a surge of triumph when you finally let go, extract the toxin you’ve been pooling in your heart.

And it’s a sobering feeling, realizing they have probably felt this way — far-removed — for months. Realizing that what you went through, the phoenix-like rebirth of yourself from mascara-covered sadsack pasted to the bathroom floor to confident, capable human being who is able to get to work on time and smile at children, is not a shared experience. They’ve been okay for a long time; you’re just now catching up. Which is okay. You’re late for the party anyway, might as well take your time walking there.