Tag Archives: Lesbian Dating App

My Dating App Success Story

Our story began with Brenda, a lesbian dating app that was all the rage in Sydney in 2013. Although this app was rather sparse in terms of the details you input about yourself, Dylan’s cute picture and short description was quick to spark my interest and I sent them a message.

Thankfully they wrote back. Whilst Chatting like this wasn’t unusual for me, what I didn’t know was that it was Dylan’s first time on a dating site and despite enjoying our conversation they were totally weirded out at the thought of chatting so in depth with someone they didn’t know. So much so that they almost didn’t meet me.

Almost. Obviously we did meet and we had a long first date that neither of us wanted to end, then an extremely romantic second date (night time beach picnic with candles- well done Dylan!) and many many more dates to come. We were a lesbian dating app success story!

Fast forward 3.5 years and we are still a success story, only not the lesbian type anymore, and I guess if we’re being pedantic we never were.

In 2015, Dylan came out as gender neutral, a gender that sits outside the constraints of the male/female binary, and has only just started to be legally recognised in Australia in the last couple of years. Although this revelation didn’t change the way we felt about each other, or the way we related to each other, it did change both of our identities and so caused a lot of confusion for me, especially because the journey was in no way linear.

The revelations started coming for Dylan after I jokingly asked them one day if maybe they might be transgender and be a man. Dylan laughed it off, but unbeknownst to me stayed up late for days on end feverishly googling all things trans and noticing many similarities, as well as differences. This eventually culminated in Dylan telling me that they were a man, and us both crying at the enormity of the situation for a whole weekend. And then suddenly, not to long after this, Dylan changed their mind.

To be fair, it wasn’t sudden for Dylan because they already knew that there were some parts that didn’t add up and that ‘male’ didn’t really fit, but to me, sitting outside of the process and hearing only the end results, it was sudden.

So life went on as usual in our female, lesbian world and then it was happening again. Obviously Dylan had been thinking about this constantly and taking time to consider all possibilities, but again, to me it was a sudden revelation. ‘I am not a man, but one day I want to have a flat male-like chest and then I will feel comfortable.’ It quickly moved from one day on to in a few years and then next year.
I wasn’t shocked that this was something Dylan wanted but I was confused about what this all meant and where it was going. Was it going to be a slow transformation into ‘male’ or just a cosmetic change that made Dylan feel more comfortable in their body?

I didn’t know, but I wanted to know desperately. I realise now that these types of self discovery take time and can be very emotionally draining, but for me, watching from the outside and never knowing what was happening and what to expect also had its challenges. I loved Dylan but I was unsure how I felt about the possibility of being ‘straight’ and dating a man, and basically just wanted to know where the end point of this journey would be so that I could get my own thoughts straight.

After more soul searching Dylan realised that neither male nor female fit for them, and found the right label- gender neutral, or non-binary or genderqueer. We happily interchange these words, although some people probably have a preference for which is right for them. Even after this discovery there were still more revelations to come with Dylan making the decision to change their name and their pronoun (their old name is generally considered a ‘female only’ name so didn’t quite fit).

Writing it all down it sounds fairly condensed, but from the moment I mentioned the possibility of Dylan being transgender, to the point where the first changes were actually made was 18 months, and we are still waiting on Dylan’s chest surgery due to the availability of the surgeon, so it will end up being about a 2 year process in the end. The first 18 months were definitely the hardest part though. Hard for Dylan as they analysed every innermost thought to find their authentic self, and hard for me as I waited on (and at times tried to provoke) these decisions, anxiously wondering what my relationship would look like, and how my own identity would change in Dylan’s reflection.

I’m not going to lie, it was a difficult and challenging time for both of us, and whilst I know for a fact that neither of us ever thought specifically about leaving each other, we both thought the other one might leave. Dylan thought I would jump ship because I wanted a woman and I thought Dylan would run from me because I wasn’t laughing and smiling my way through the situation. Thankfully this didn’t happen.

Finding my voice and starting to write about our relationship and my experiences on my blog She+They was a major turning point for both of us. It gave me the confidence to confront the situation head on and really own my feelings and experiences – both the negative and the positive – and it explained to Dylan exactly why I had found this change hard. It gave me a platform from which to discuss identity, change, relationships, and all things gender neutral and also gave me a new ‘hobby’ with a purpose. I wanted to provide myself with an emotional outlet, educate my community and reach out to other partners of transgender people. I’d like to think that the blog is quietly achieving this.

I know it sounds a bit corny to say this but we are stronger and happier than we have ever been now, and it’s undeniably related to Dylan’s transition. Obviously Dylan is a happier human so this has helped, but the transition also taught us a lot about each other and the different ways we both like to communicate. We learnt that I express my love through tasks whilst Dylan expresses theirs through words, that I like to talk everything through and be a part of ‘the process’ where Dylan prefers to do this alone and then divulge answers and that I like to move quickly, investigate all angles and make decisions where Dylan prefers to ruminate. Neither of us are ‘right’ but understanding the inner workings of each other, and what we both need in times of stress has brought us closer together. We also now know each other’s trigger points, as well as solutions to appease each other, so that basically any argument we may have now dissolves in a matter of minutes.

Obviously Dylan’s journey was not easy for them, and caused great amounts of confusion and fear about what the future may hold, but that said often the journey of a partner is seemingly overlooked completely. Perhaps this is because it is considered easier or insignificant by comparison.

Whatever the reason, it is something that shouldn’t be overlooked or devalued. As the partner of someone transitioning my sense of self and identity was challenged in a way that I never thought was possible.

I mean, I’m a lesbian in a relationship with someone that isn’t a woman, and in a world where everything has labels our relationship doesn’t even fit into a box. I always considered myself open minded so I guess it’s pretty great to be able to back myself up and say that I am quite literally living outside the box. And it’s a pretty damn good space to be in!

Lesbian Dating App ‘Her’ Opens its Doors to the Whole of America

Her, the app for lesbian and queer women, is opening its doors to the whole of the US today after seeing unprecedented demand for the app from women across the country.


With requests tripling over the past 2 months, Her has seen a huge growth from women across the country requesting it to launch in their cities.

The growth has been since introducing more social features to the app, such as the Feed section, with users coming back on average 5 times per day (but up to as many as 35 times).

Founder Robyn Exton said,

The feed has had the most crazy response, especially the events section. People love finding out what’s happening in their city and getting to meet women before so they have a friend to go with. We also have a new feature called Question Of The Day where everyone chats about LGBT topics and meets women with similar interests”

Exton also explained that there has also been a change in the way women are using the app; and the way they are choosing to identifying their sexualities.


The number of women choosing to take no label as their sexual identifier has grown from 1% to 9%.

We’ve focussed on making this a space women can come to meet other women, no matter what they are looking for. We’ve always had an amazing lesbian identified audience but now there’s this huge growth coming in from women that aren’t looking to identify with any label”

The Rise of Casual Sex Between Women

New York Magazine recently reported that Americans are now more OK with casual sex than they were in the 90s.

lesbian couple

According to the data from the nationally representative General Social Survey of 33,380 Americans over 18, 37% have had casual sex in the past year, compared to 32% in the 90s.

In addition, Americans have had more sexual partners over the course of their adult lifetime now than they did in the 90s.

There are a lot of reasons these more relaxed attitudes exist.

The media are more open about same-sex relationships.

There has never been more sex in mass media than there is now — and that’s a good thing because we are no longer viewing sex as a something shameful, secretive or taboo.

Sex has always been a normal part of everyday life, but now that normality is reflected in the media, too.

Even more so, being confronted with these images of sex and sexuality in the media forces us to have conversations about them.

Also read: The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

Feminism gives women more choices, especially when it comes to sex.

For women, the most important component about modern-day feminism is choice.

Thanks to feminism, we can choose our careers, our motherhood status and our skirt length. Most importantly, we can choose how much sex we want to (or don’t want to) have.

No longer are women expected to remain virgins until marriage. No longer does the number of people they’ve slept with define them.

The Madonna-whore complex has been rendered bullsh*t, and the reclaiming of the words “slut” and “whore” has given women freedoms they’d never before experienced.

Today, when it comes to sex, anything goes.

The Western World is less religious.

Religion might be great for a lot of things, but sex-positivity is not one of them.

According to data from the Pew Research Center, 20% of Americans are not religious.

With religion comes a perspective on sex that’s generally of the more conservative variety.

The fact that Americans are less religious means they aren’t adhering to beliefs that cast sexuality in a shameful light.

When you don’t affiliate yourself with a religion, you’re free to make your own decisions about your sex life without any reservations or guilt.

The boom of the Internet makes sex-related information more accessible.

With the rise of the Internet in the past decade, it’s never been easier to search for anything sex related, including how-tos, advice and, yes, visual stimulation. And by visual stimulation, I mean porn.

Statistics over the years have exaggerated exactly how much porn is on the Internet, but that doesn’t discredit porn’s effect.

Out of the top one million most popular websites on the Internet, about 4% are sex related.

Information about sex on the Internet may not always be reliable, but this doesn’t stop people from seeking it out anyway.

Also read: 5 Common Misconceptions About Lesbians

Dating apps make it easy to find sex.

Tinder, GayDar Girls, Her – if you think of a word and awkwardly tweak the spelling, there’s probably a casual sex app with that name.

Thanks to these dating apps, we now treat sexual prospects like we treat weekly food shop.

Much like you’d browse through veg at supermarket, you can browse through prospects in your bedroom, on the train, at the club, on the toilet — literally anywhere.

Seeking out sex has never been easier or more convenient, which further normalises it.

Instead of the “walk of shame,” it’s called the “stride of pride.”

A one-night stand is officially no longer a “walk of shame.” Now, it’s a “stride of pride,” which gives casual sex a whole new positive meaning.

We no longer live in a world in which you should feel guilty for engaging in sex with another women. You get it. Just let your freak flag fly.

Lesbian Dating App Market is Getting Bigger, as ‘Scissr’ the Female Version of Grindr Comes to Town

Why should gay men get all the fun? Not only do they get most of the representation in pop culture and are largely regarded as the face of the gay rights movement they also get to make good use of Grindr.

A dating app for gay men, Grindr’s selling point is that it allows you to find other gay men to hook up with. The app allows them to flirt and exchange messages before arranging to meet up.

Sadly the equivalent apps for gay women have never been as good or as popular. Until now, as one woman has now created ‘Scissr’, which is looking to be the premium lesbian dating app on the market.

Scissr was thought up by Allison Ullrich, who, after ending a relationship she moved to Chicago looking for a new job and a new love. With the job opportunity secured, it was her love life that was causing her trouble as she was unable to find other women to date.

She explains:

“I think what spawned the idea was life — reality — and conversations I’ve had with my friends regarding relationships and women. Women have this conundrum about meeting other people, but no one was working to find a solution.”

Allison Ullrich

This is quite right as although the ‘Gaydar’ has been something often joked about in pop culture, it doesn’t actually exist, not really. And so the task of finding out if another woman likes women too generally requires you to ask her point blank, which is more than a little daunting.

How Scissr plans to fix this is by allowing women to upload three photos (and a 300 word bio) to the app and establish whether they want a hookup, love and a relationship, networking or friendship. The app makes use of the GPS system on your phone to figure where you are and who is close by – and it’s not geo-fenced either so you have as much of a chance of finding love in New York City as you do in the middle of Sheffield.

Scissr will also have “crush” and “wish list” functions too. Denoting a crush allows you message the other user whilst the wish list will remain private so that you can keep track of who’s giving you the hots in secret.

Also important to note is that while Scissr is being promoted as a “lesbian” dating app (Ullrich says it will offer a “mind-blowing” experience to lesbians) it is actually inclusive to other queer women. Identity options in the app are lesbian, bisexual or ‘curious’ which isn’t exactly the most comprehensive list we can think of (I’d argue that it would just be better to let users type in their own identities rather than select them) but it’s a start.

Scissr will launch for free either this week or next.


Source: DNAinfo