So we live in the world Hook-Ups – where you meet a person and suggest go grabbing a coffee or a drink, instead of asking some out on a date. You must have heard the line “I’ll meet you at the bar,” which sounds so lame – well unless you’re Shane from The L word that is.
Now I’m not a fussy dater. I’m not always expecting a multi-course meal at a five-star restaurant, but for a first date, I am hoping for a place that offers something a bit more than muffins, free WiFi and my favourite brew.
Here are my top five reasons why we should get rid of the Hook-Up dates once and for all:
1. It makes me feel like you don’t think I’m worth a real date
Asking someone out for drink is just an easy way to ask someone out without really asking someone out. For the people doing the asking, there is virtually nothing to lose.
If they get rejected, they can simply use the cop-out that it was never actually a date.
If they manage to lock down the date, it’s a very straightforward thing to plan. If it goes badly, they can know, rest assured, no effort or resources were wasted.
2. It results in a lot of confusion as to what this “meet-up” is
“Let’s grab a coffee on Monday” via text message is easily the most nonchalant way to ask someone out. It’s to the point I’m not even sure if this is a real date.
Did you just friend-zone me? Are we just catching up? At least with dinner or some other date-like activity, both parties are (usually) fully aware of what the outing entails.
3. It’s a little too casual
I’m all for casual dates, but the local lesbian bar is too casual for me. It’s nosy, we’re near to your ex, my friends just walked in, and now I’m not exactly motivated to strike up engaging conversation.
If we’re on this date, it means I’m at least slightly interested in you. I want to look good for our date, and I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb next to a plethora of people in sweats.
The environments of Starbucks and other quirky coffee shops are made to be casual. They are supposed to encourage studying and “hanging out,” rather than nervous and excited conversations by first daters trying to look desirable.
4. It has an inevitable short time frame
There are very few people in this world who can drink one single drink for more than 20-30 minutes, so you have to order a second to prolong a date – which means you face the risk of appearing to be a lush.
I suppose having a guaranteed out within 20-30 minutes is a pro if the date goes badly, but if I’m going on a date in the first place, I’m hoping it’ll turn out well.
Also, we are so fast-paced in every other aspect of our lives, we don’t need or want our dating lives to be as such. I want to take my time, and I want you to take yours. If you try to tell me you don’t have the time for more than a simple coffee drink, you certainly don’t have the time to take this relationship to the next level.
The drink date is limiting – the longer you go, the drunker you get. And the drunker I get the more I forget. So I forget all the the good stuff – the life stories, the experiences and the passions.
5. Drunk kiss or no kiss
A (sober) first kiss is awkward enough without it being along a line of people waiting at the bus top outside the coffee shop in pure daylight. Unless your drunk, and by now all you rules i.e. ‘you’re not the “type” to kiss on a first date’, gets blown out of the water.
The majority of our generation favours casual hangouts and hookups rather than actual dating, but the coffee date blurs the line between what is “real” and what is casual.
I, like many girls I know, am done wasting time trying to figure out whether our coffee meet-up or “study sesh” was considered a date or not.
Hooking up is fine, but if you’re into someone, do her a favor and take her on a real date. This way, there will be no overanalyzing what your intention is.