Tag Archives: lesbian relationships

9 Queer Movies To Hate-Watch On Netflix

Queer movies have a complicated place in our hearts. On the one hand, there are queer characters, who promise to fill some deep void we have when looking for relatable fiction characters. But, on the other hand, there are so many problems with so, so many of these movies.

Most of them have terrible stories that we keep eating up just because we’re so desperate to be included. So much of the world still pretends we don’t even exist – even in forward-thinking, first-world countries.

When it comes to film and television representation, there isn’t a lot to choose from – even still. While lesbian relationships are widely becoming a more mainstream topic, that still doesn’t exactly mean that we can feel totally comfortable discussing things openly.

Case in point? Lesbian movies on Netflix.

Okay, so there are a few good ones out there, and we definitely appreciate those ones. But more often, we come across a movie that we know is not even remotely relatable to actual lesbian life.

But there are boobs. And girls kissing other girls. And… Well, boobs.

So we watch them, because we have to watch them. (You can actually have your Lesbianism revoked if you don’t binge-watch any media with queer subtext, so make sure you’re keeping up.) But we don’t really like ourselves afterward.

What are your least favorite lesbian movies?

Kissing Jessica Stein

This movie probably drew you in because, hello, kissing a woman is literally in the title of the movie, so it’s got to be good, right? The only problem is that these characters are really annoying. We want to watch movies that seem relatable – and if you can’t like the characters, you can’t get into the plot (even though it’s actually not bad). Top that off with the preachy tone it starts to develop throughout the course of the movie, and this is one that you’ll probably rewatch parts of, but skip others. Hey, you can’t win ‘em all.

Summer Lover

As both a lesbian and a writer, I find myself drawn toward kindred spirits. (I feel like I was probably the only person ever who loved Jenny Schecter – although I can’t say I agreed with all her choices.)

When I heard about a lesbian movie that tells the tale of the original lesbian icon – the poet Sappho – it seemed like it was going to be great.

The whole thing is gorgeous, too, from casting choices to scenery. But the story is so predictable that, by the time you realize it, it’s an hour and a half later and you know exactly nothing new. (But, then again, gorgeous movie – maybe there’ll be something when you watch it again…

You Will Be Mine

First off, what is it about lesbian romance movies where they draw you in with women crawling all over each other on the cover? I mean, it works, but it feels a little manipulative after a while. But these actresses are gorgeous, and the score is pretty gorgeous too. Unfortunately, the story fell a little flat, as you can actually predict every twist and turn. This movie is all about a dysfunctional lesbian relationship, which is something we just can’t get fully on-board with.


Room in Rome

This is one of those movies where you’ll probably want to pretend you were watching it for totally artistic reasons. After all, it’s two naked women, in a hotel room, in Rome… Obviously, there are certain things involved. But the fact that it’s subtitled means you’re going to have to pick between following the plot or… Well, staring at boobs. We’ve got a pretty good idea what most of you are going to pick.

Therese and Isabelle

An old black-and-white lesbian romance film, you say? And it’s set at a boarding school, which releases all those inner schoolgirl fantasies, too. (Oh, don’t pretend you haven’t thought about it.) But this is an older movie, so the love scenes are pretty tame. The overall story follows the predictable “men-suck-let’s-be-lesbians” route, too, which is always a little disappointing.

Lost and Delirious

Piper Perabo and Mischa Barton. Need I say more? These two women are sexy, and they’re already almost kissing on the cover so you know it’s going to be good. But this one is a big sob-fest… so you’re only going to want to watch it on those days you just need to let it all out. Cuddle up with a pint (beer or ice cream – your choice) and cry it out between long, loving stares at Piper Perabo.


More women crawling all over each other? OK, if you insist… And the actresses actually have an undeniable chemistry. This movie deals with the whole teacher/student fantasy dynamic, like we’ve seen in Loving Annabelle. The problem with Bloomington is that the sexiness is lacking when the relationship starts developing a mother/daughter complex – making it super creepy and awkward.


Water Lilies

Lesbians. Not only that, but French lesbians. This one just oozes with the possibility of romance. Then, teen angst comes in and almost ruins the show. Thankfully, this one isn’t one of the worst offenders on this list, and it’s pretty short, too – so you’re not likely to regret the time spent watching it.

Heavenly Creatures

Okay, so, I love Melanie Lynsky – and Kate Winslet isn’t so bad, either. So then we get into this one: Two girls with this super-secret fantasy life and mean parents who want to keep them apart. (That’s not exactly what happened, but you’ll figure that one out on your own.) Anyway, this one is bad in such a good way, because it’s actually horrific and based on a true story – which is even more chilling.

What are your favorite lesbian movie guilty pleasures?

Of course, we’re always looking for new lesbian representation in movies and TV. It’s understandable that some of these are going to be really, really bad, and we can’t even justify to ourselves why we watch them. Which ones are yours? I might have to check them out for myself!

Why Are Lesbian Movies The Saddest?

I am a sucker for sad movies. I like to pretend that I don’t sit around watching tear-jerking movies and eating popcorn, but… Well, that pretty much sums up my weekend.

Make the main characters gay and it’s even worse. I mean, sad stories are sad stories, and all, but it’s always a little harder when you can see a piece of yourself in the cast. (Which of course means that, if they’re just a bit snarky – like Graham in But I’m a Cheerleader! – I cry like a baby.)

But for some reason, it seems like queer movies are just inherently sad. Even in the super campy ones, someone gets their heart smashed to pieces, and my poor little sarcastic heart gets squished a little, too. Half the time I stick with straight romances because, well, they’re a little easier on my makeup. What is it that makes them so sad?

It’s not just the movies, either. Remember how much pain you felt watching The L Word? No spoilers for those who have yet to experience the rite of passage that is binge-watching all six seasons, but trust me… I think each of us felt emotionally connected to at least one of those characters, even if we didn’t have anything actually in common with them.

I think some of the pain has to do with how infrequently we actually see realistic lesbian pairings in the media. When we find a show that makes us seem real, we start to feel more real ourselves.

As someone whose sexuality is questioned by others on a regular basis, it’s comforting for me to see a picture of myself on the screen, so to speak.

Good lesbian movies don’t rely on the stereotypes that we often see played out in straight romance movies. Even though there are some similarities, we have our own dynamic, and we don’t always do things the same way. There’s nothing wrong with that – that’s just how we are.

Men and women are understandably different, so the approaches necessary when dealing with women are (understandably) different than when dealing with men.

Even though I’m sure of my sexuality now, there are a great deal of lesbian movies that deal with at least one of the main character being completely unsure about who she is. I’m not sure how it stands for people who knew they were gay at an early age, but that’s not who I am.

Seeing a woman start to question things even though she’s with a guy who should be perfect for her reminds me of the days of my own uncertainty – and I can relate.

Aside from relatability, though, what is it that makes lesbian movies so damn sad?! It pains me to think it’s just us living into the heteronormative stereotype that women are emotional creatures… And besides, I’ve met some women who definitely didn’t show much emotion ‘till the end of something sappy.

What do you think – are lesbian movies sadder, or do we just connect more deeply with the characters? Let us know in the comments!

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Top 9 Lesbian Movie Clichés

The lesbian community is rife with stereotypes and clichés. As much as they may hold true in the actual, real life world, they’re usually not based on solid facts, but rather what sells movies. Often, these movies aren’t even written by actual lesbians, but by the men who think that lesbians are cool.

(Which, we totally are, but that’s not the point.)

If you have yet to come out, and you’ve been relying on lesbian movies to paint a picture of what lesbians are like, here are some things that usually don’t happen in the real world.

1. A coffee shop is the best place to talk about your feelings.

OK, so there’s this cliché amongst lesbians in general that there is going to be a lot of talk about feelings. I guess it’s because we’re women, and women have a lot of overflowing emotions, or something like that. Oh – and we love to talk. If we don’t, are we really women?

Hopefully the sarcasm in that last paragraph was apparent. Not all women love to talk. Sure, many do, but why is a coffee shop the chosen locale to talk about these feelings?

It’s quieter than a bar, so there’s that. There’s less of a chance of messed-up inhibitions than a bar, too, although coffee can definitely have an intoxicating effect if you haven’t had nearly enough sleep. But, realistically speaking, your chats are probably better if kept in the privacy of your home – strangers don’t need to know all your business.

2. If you’d rather dwell on your feelings, a walk through the forest is a good choice.

Maybe I’m a bit cynical on this one, because I grew up in areas where it really wasn’t safe to walk alone. (I mean, I still do a lot of walking by myself to clear my head, so maybe this cliché isn’t so far off.) But in lesbian movies, the pensive protagonist will often go for a walk in the woods or another private-like area to empty her mind from all the stressors and confusion of Lesbian Life.

An important step that’s sometimes skipped when this is portrayed in a movie, however, is that you do actually need to talk about your feelings once you’ve got them narrowed down. Your partner (or prospective partner) isn’t going to automatically know what’s on your mind, and in most cases, she should.

(And also, walking at night by yourself is really not safe some places, especially for lesbians – make sure you’re being careful, please! And at least let someone know where you’ll be, just in case something comes up.)

3. Lesbians like to bathe together while talking about things.

There’s something about two women talking nakedly about their feelings and troubles. We see this a lot in movies, and while it’s a nice change of pace from – say, sex scenes that focus on “nudity means sex”, if you’ve ever actually tried to have a chat in the bath tub, chances are you know it doesn’t work out so well.

If you and the woman you are attracted to are bathing together, it’s almost always got sexual undertones. Plus, it’s sort of awkward in most bath tubs – they’re really only built for one person. The idea of having sex in the bath tub (or a long, intimate talk) are all fine and dandy when there’s a makeup artist there to make sure the actress looks her best at all times – but the steamy nature will mess up your hair. The slippery surfaces will mess up your game. And what could be more distracting than boobs?

If you can actually have a serious talk while naked with your partner, I envy you. I’ve had it happen a few times, but it’s definitely the exception more than the rule. You shouldn’t expect that every naked chat is going to go according to plan – especially if you’ve got a massaging showerhead at your disposal.

4. Lesbians like swimming together – and it usually leads to sexual tension.

This is one of those things that we just know was thought up by a straight man. The idea that two women who are both attracted to women will definitely end up in a body of water, either completely nude or scantily-clad plays on the idea that “wet” automatically means sexy. This isn’t always the case. Have you ever seen a cat stuck out in the rain?

The act of swimming itself is often chosen to represent the metaphorical cleansing that is done by the power of love – or something like that. Truly, it’s usually an excuse to strip down the actresses without making it seem “gratuitous”. After all, sexuality (when expressed non-sexually) is a beautiful thing, and it’s nice to be able to embrace those things.

Really, though, most movies will use this as a segue into sexual tension. After all, a naked (or half-naked woman) who is literally dripping wet will automatically activate the parts of the brain that say she’s ready to go. While it’s important to realize that these two things aren’t mutually exclusive, the connection is easy to understand – but you shouldn’t expect it to be a part of lesbianism in a broad sense. But if you can talk your new boo into skinnydipping with you, it is a lot of fun – just make sure you don’t get arrested!

5. If the girl doesn’t get the girl, she’s going to die, tragically.

The high-concept death is seen so often in romantic movies that we don’t really associate it with lesbians in particular, but it seems that we are a little more prone to this type of death than other sexualities. This death can’t be something simple, though – it’s got to be much bigger than that.

In a way, this is done as a sort of comfort. If you haven’t found your soul mate, maybe she’s just been hit by a bus. OK, so that’s not the most romantic way to put it, but not every story has a happy ending, and when the not-so-happy ending is tragic and unexpected, it makes for better movie sales.

Don’t believe me? Ask a group of Titanic fans whether they think Jack would have fit on the raft or not. There are going to be worlds of assumptions here, ranging from people who think that he definitely would have fit (he and Rose were both thin, after all) to those who think that he had to die (two people on the raft, shivering and what have you, would definitely have sunk it). Which one is right? Only the director knows for sure.

In any gay-or-lesbian themed movies, there are implied methods of offing one of your main characters. Things such as the suicide rate for in-the-closet homosexuals give way for an easy method of killing off a character that everyone fell in love with. And since we usually love sad, sappy endings (and have since the dawn of time – or at least the dawn of the theater), sales are better if the audience cries. True story.

6. Two women who hate each other will eventually have sex.

I don’t know why this is the case in so many lesbian movies. It seems like the more the women are at each other’s throats, the more likely they’re going to have sex later on. This can lead some of us to mistakenly think that we’re falling for the women we really do hate – and hate-sex is usually a bad choice.

This is especially true since the brain releases oxytocin, a bonding chemical, during orgasm. This means that if you have sex with someone you hate, you probably will start to fall for them – which isn’t usually a healthy step. Try to remember the reasons you hate them, and maybe just picture them naked when you’re pleasuring yourself.

If you do find yourself having sex with someone you don’t get along with, you’re not totally doomed. Usually, we can rationalize better a little while after an orgasm than we can when we’re sexually frustrated, so it’s possible that the sex will actually work to remind you why they’re wrong for you. If that’s not the case, maybe some self-persuasion is in order. Hate plus sex does not equal love.

7. When in the presence of an Ultimate Lesbian, straight girls will magically become gay.

In most lesbian movies, the protagonist will identify as heterosexual for her whole life. Often she will be in a committed relationship with a man, sometimes even engaged to be married (Imagine Me & You immediately comes to mind). Then, suddenly, a super-hot lesbian will come along and BAM, the straight protagonist will suddenly be gay – or at the very least, she’ll cheat on her man with this new woman.

When bi-curious women watch these movies, they get the impression that cheating on their husband or boyfriend is OK, as long as it’s with a girl. Sometimes, the men they’re with will even agree to these terms, but it really needs to be discussed beforehand. Cheating is bad, regardless of the gender you cheat with, and if you don’t have explicit permission from your partner, you are cheating.

When young lesbians watch these movies, they might get the idea that sexuality is always to be questioned. The truth is, it is meant to be questioned – but not by outsiders. It’s important to question your own sexuality, but questioning someone else’s is no different than questioning their overall identity. It’s rude, and presumes that you know more about them than they know about themselves. Even if it’s true, just stop before you do something ridiculous.

8. Retro and indie music are the only things you need for a good soundtrack.

OK, this isn’t a bad cliché, because often indie and retro music is a great choice. But why is it that all lesbian movies seem to follow this rule? Maybe it has something to do with the lack of good lesbian music out there. (Note: There’s not actually a lack of it – it just gets less mainstream attention than heterosexual love songs. We’re working to collect lists of the best lesbian-themed-and-produced songs, but that’s still a work in progress, for now.)

I get it, though. Really, I do. Music is really important for a lot of people, myself included, and often we can feel slighted if our lesbian movies have totally heterosexual soundtracks. Most of us “adopt” straight songs and use them for our own benefit (I had an ex who used Usher as a reference for her pick-up game), but it’s always a joy to find a song that suits your exact specifications – without having to swap genders in the song.

(For what it’s worth, I really want someone to “gay up” the songs I heard in my childhood. If we could get a lesbian covering *NSYNC and a gay man covering early Britney Spears, my heart would be so happy. If this already exists, I would be eternally grateful to the first person to slap a link in the comments!)

9. Lesbian movies are, generally, horrible.

Lesbian movies don’t often get the mainstream attention they deserve. It was briefly addressed in the final season of The L Word – making “too gay” of a movie will alienate many of the straight viewers. Thankfully, I think that’s starting to turn around a bit, but if you inject too much gayness into a movie, it’s likely to lose a lot of its potential following.

So, we end up settling for movies directed by new directors with little experience, or by those who never wanted to direct in the first place, but were disappointed in the lack of good lesbian movies… So they tried their hand at making it better. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. When will someone finally appeal to the leaders of Hollywood and demand a blockbuster lesbian film?!

OK, so this is changing a bit these days, thankfully. Most queer movies don’t win awards, at least not outside of the independent circuits. This is fine, because most lesbians are going to watch them anyway, but wouldn’t it be great if we had a gay Academy Award year – one where gay movies were actually honored for their true value? Sigh. A girl can dream.

Are there any stereotypes and cliches that we forgot? Drop them in the comments!

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Reasons Why Now Is The Best Time To Be A Single Lesbian

Perhaps there was a time when Valentine’s Day was actually kind of nice.

But today you’d be hard-pressed to find even the most romantic lesbian couple muster up the enthusiasm for what is essentially a mid-winter marketing ploy.

Now its all about the single status. The freedom. The entertainment. The women.

Sexuality is fluid, and so should the rest of our lives. So here are my top reasons for why now is the best time to be a single lesbian.

Careers are cool

We’re a generation of disruptors, problem-solvers, and self-starters, all of which is made us more difficult when you have to balance work with a relationship. Being single allows us the time and freedom to pursue careers we actually want.

Travel is easier than ever

Which means you can meet other singles from literally every corner of the world. This surely increases the odds of finding your actual soul mate.

Dating Apps

Say what you want about swipe apps and hook-up culture – they are as great or awful. Nothing wrong with having more options to meet people.

No one judges you

Similar to the point above, “settling down” isn’t the goal of life anymore. It’s becoming more common to assume people are single by choice, not circumstance.

You’re not a spinster by 22

The societal pressure on women to get married and have kids has eased significantly even since our parents’ generation. Be single longer, have fun,

and get that dream job; it’s all good.

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What Your Underwear Says About You

Do you have a favorite color? Most people do. Sometimes, we even subconsciously associate our fashion choices with our moods – such as, you might wear cheeky boy shorts when you’re feeling fun and playful, or “granny panties” when you’re feeling boring and blah. But the truth is, the color of your underwear can say a lot about your overall personality – as well as who you are in the bedroom.

Don’t believe me? Take a peek at your own undies and see if our descriptions match up! These are bound to change from one day to the next (assuming you change your underwear every day) so feel free to check back tomorrow, too!

White Underwear

White underwear represents a sense of peace and innocence. White underwear definitely won’t overpower your personality – and in fact, this underwear probably isn’t going to alter your mood at all. White underwear makes you feel fresh, clean, and simple. Whether it’s silk, cotton, or anything in between, this underwear will make you feel elegant.

Black Underwear

Black underwear has long been associated with sexuality. Like Bianca said in 10 Things I Hate About You, “You don’t buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it!” While that isn’t true every time you wear them, black underwear definitely has the power to make you feel… Well, powerful! It’s a great choice for shy women who want to add a little confidence, too – you’ll feel like you can take over the world.

Red Underwear

Red is the undisputed color representing love, sex, and passion. Not only will it make you feel sexy, but it’ll make you feel strong, too – such a powerful combination! Red underwear sinks into your soul and tells you that you can totally do this – ask that woman out, like, yesterday. If you need a little boost, pick a pair of red underwear and make it a stronger day.

Orange Underwear

Orange represents enthusiasm, so orange underwear channels influences from the happy yellow and the sexy red – causing the wearer to feel energetic and highly stimulated. We don’t often see orange underwear, but if you don’t own any, it might be a good idea to get some! (Keep in mind that darker shades of orange may make you feel anxious and emotionally cold – stick with bright or pastel oranges for the best results.)

Yellow Underwear

There is a strong association between the color yellow and happiness. While very few people name yellow as their favorite color, it’s the color of sunshine, daisies, and smiley faces – what could be happier than that? Yellow underwear is cheerful and happy, and helps the wearer to grab the attention of those around her.

Green Underwear

Green underwear can give a sense of calm on the days that you’re feeling anxious. It’s long been known that certain shades of green are very beneficial to your overall mood, and green underwear can help you feel like you are in control of your stresses. (Let’s be real – that’s what we all want!) Lighter shades of green will help you center and find your focus, and might even help to keep you grounded with your place on the earth.

Dark Green Underwear

If you’re drawn to pulling out the dark green underwear first thing in the morning, it might be your mind telling you that you need to balance yourself. Darker shades of green are calming and earthy, and while they share many of the same characteristics as lighter greens, they’re best at soothing and harmonizing your life.

Blue Underwear

Blue underwear is another one of the “calm and peaceful” colors you can wear. Different blues will have different effects, and the same shade can differ in meaning to different women – so be careful with your choices! In general, light, warm blues are the best for improving your mood, while cooler blues may aggravate your stress. (However, blues in general are psychologically associated with their ability to calm, so make sure you find a pair that works for you.)

Purple Underwear

Purple, in general, represents power. Did you know that in the middle ages, peasants weren’t allowed to wear the color purple, because it was considered regal? (OK, so there are a few other colors they weren’t supposed to wear, either, but when you see the color purple, you generally think of luxury, right?) Your purple underwear will allow you to feel seductive and exotic. This color screams passion and romance, and the darker shades will inspire your inner flirt. Let her out – it’s time for some playful banter!

Light Purple Underwear

Light purple underwear tends to be associated with wisdom and strength. These undies will be calming and happy, and will probably inspire you to do good. If you pick the right shade, it’ll also make you feel elegant and beautiful.

Maroon Underwear

For those of you who may be a bit shade-impaired when it comes to colors (what’s the difference between red and crimson and scarlet, anyway?), maroon is a mix between red and purple that helps boost your confidence and make you feel extra sexy. While the color is a little less bold than brighter reds, that doesn’t mean it’s any less powerful – maroon underwear is great for the days you want to combine the best of the reds and the best of the purples.

Pink Underwear

For women who like pink, it represents excitement and girliness. There’s a great deal of difference between the softer shades (which inspire a sense of calm) versus brighter neon shades of pink (which inspire energy and fun). No matter which shade of pink you choose, your undies are definitely going to make you happy!

Patterned Underwear

The effects of your patterned underwear will vary, depending on what the pattern is. Flowers, for example, will make you feel feminine and romantic, while animal prints will make you feel bold, sexy, and exciting. I find it’s always great to wear some patterned underwear when you’ve been having a rough week – sometimes just knowing you’ve got something wild on that no one can see is enough for a boost that lasts all day.

Grey Underwear

Grey is, in general, a boring color. Most people don’t particularly care for it (it happens to be my favorite color, though) – so they’ll avoid wearing it. Darker shades of grey can make you disinterested, unenergetic, and basically down. If you choose a lighter color, though, your grey underwear can help lift your mood. The perfect shade of grey should be just far enough off white to not be white. When you choose the right ones, you get to pick up on the clarity of white underwear while remaining under the radar.

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What It’s Like To Kiss Another Girl (Video)

There are three things a human being can look at forever: fire burning, water running and girls making out. It’s just so wonderful.

There is something about two female bodies coming together in a harmonious kiss that’s so peaceful and beautiful.

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Questions Young Lesbians Have For Older Lesbians (VIDEO)

In the short interview, a younger couple – Niki and Kelsie – ask a series of questions to an older lesbian couple – Robin and Madonna – about what it’s like to be in a long term monogamous relationship in the gay community.

Robin and Madonna – who have been dating for over 12 years – share a range of advice, from how to stay faithful, to what it was like to go through the menopause together.


The two couples also discuss what it was like to be out and gay in the 70s and 80s when most people were still in the closet.

Asked how they met other gay people, Madonna replies:

For me it was a different trajectory, it was more, find each other in the bars, playing softball. There is a reason we have stereotype’s – we played softball.”

The couple also take the opportunity to poke fun at the cat loving lesbian stereotype.


We have four cats.”

Watch the video below;

Why We Should All Be More Sex Positive in 2016

2015 was a groundbreaking year for feminism. Society at large generally decided that enough is enough – and women and men have been banding together to put an end to the sexist double standards that exist. But we still have a long way to go, ladies – particularly as it pertains to sexuality.

The weird thing about this particular movement is that, all we really need to do to break the boundaries that exist between women and sex in society is to talk about it more. This isn’t a right we have to fight for, it’s not a law we have to pass, it’s just a stigma that needs to be broken.

In most cases, these particular feminist actions only require that women agree to one simple statement:

I define my sexuality. My sexuality does not define me.

This statement seems like it should be so easy to embrace, but for many women (and men) the concept is still hard to grasp. Don’t believe me?

Because sex workers are still considered criminals in most societies.

I have known a few sex workers (not intimately, of course) and I have learned that there are generally two reasons why someone might enter into that particular line of work:

  • They were in a vulnerable position, and someone manipulated them into feeling like the sex trade would help them. In many cases, these women are forced into it against their will, or if they do enter that lifestyle voluntarily, there may be a threat of violence if they try to leave. Many believe they have no other options.
  • They felt they were in a powerful position, and saw an opportunity to make a lot of money without any special training or tools. They have made a business decision over their own body, and these are the women who operate as their own bosses. They are often selective about their clients, or they may work in a sex trade that does not allow the clients to physically touch them (such as strippers and porn actresses).

Between these two situations, which woman are you supposed to look down your nose at? Whether you agree with their decisions or not, there is most likely a reason behind their choice that might not be apparent at first glance.

The women who are involved because they feel they have no other options should not be treated as criminals. These women are often victims of rape and domestic violence. But until we change our views surrounding women and sex, they will be perpetuated as homewreckers and thieves – even if they have no choice in the matter.

The women who are operating their body as a business shouldn’t really be criminalized either, though. Sex work is one of the oldest professions in the world – dating all the way back to the Roman Empire. There have been strippers and prostitutes and even sex slaves throughout all of history. Personally, if everyone involved is a consenting adult, how is it anyone else’s business?

Because rape survivors are still blamed for being raped.

Victim blaming is still a very real thing with rape survivors. Many people never report the assault because they know they’re going to have to deal with the onslaught of questions that follow – the questions that seek to prove, without a reasonable doubt, that they didn’t actually want it. These questions are often traumatizing, and unlike most other crimes, there is almost never any evidence to prove the victim is telling the truth.

This isn’t only from the standpoint of justice, either. Most victims of sexual assault never even get to that point because they fear judgment from those around them. They worry that people will ask them things like, “Well, you must have done something to provoke it.” “Well, what were you wearing?” “Well, if you didn’t want it, why did you let it happen?”

In a perfect society, when someone reported a rape, it would be handled just like any other crime (whether legal or personal). But the assumption is that a woman will “call rape” just because she feels guilty about having sex with someone. More positivity over our sexual expression may help to alleviate victim blaming because it allows women to be freer when they do enjoy sex. This way, there is no confusion between “rape” and “bad sex” – no means no.

Because women who dress provocatively are still called sluts.

This happens to tie in with victim blaming (above), too – we presume that if someone dresses with sex appeal, they must be doing it to get sex. Let me tell you, the two things rarely go hand in hand. Slut-shaming isn’t the only form of sex-negative attention our clothes get, either. Think about the last time you realized that someone “dressed gay”, or that you “didn’t look gay enough”. We don’t think about the deeper meaning within these words, so let me put it a different way.

Clothes say absolutely nothing about sex life.

We assume that someone’s stylistic expression is a reflection of their sexual preferences. A woman in a short skirt is presumed to be getting attention from a lot of men, whereas a woman in cargo shorts and a snapback is presumed to be pulling in a lot of ladies. It’s completely arbitrary, though, and the sooner we stop connecting the two things, the sooner we realize that you literally can’t tell anything about a person by the clothes they wear except what clothes they like – and even that is open to interpretation.

Because trans and butch women are still considered perverts for using public facilities.

I am so glad that trans issues are getting more attention this year, but it breaks my heart when I think about how much of this attention is still largely negative. We’ve made a lot of progress as a society, but it seems like every step forward is met by a step backward. Particularly as it pertains to the whole public restroom debacle – trans and butch women are stereotyped, marginalized, and sometimes even physically assaulted, simply for using public facilities.

This comes from a place of sexual insecurity, of the most damaging kind. The people who would place an assumption that these women would have ulterior motives for being in public spaces that everyone else gets to take for granted is completely unfounded and operates from the assumption that there is something inherently wrong with them – because their gender and/or sexual identities do not correspond with what society has deemed as “normal”.

Many places are now taking steps to remedy this situation by compromising with “all genders” bathrooms, but this has received its fair share of backlash, too. First, it sets us back to a “separate but equal” standpoint where the descriptively-vague are still treated as different. Second, it sets the precedent that people are still allowed to not want “those people” in “their bathrooms”. Does this sound like a problem to you?

Because women who breastfeed in public are still told to put their breasts away.

Feeding a child – the only real purpose boobs play in the world – is still considered obscene and sexual. Many people still compare it to a man pulling his penis out in a crowded subway (yikes!) – despite the fact that having someone see your penis is definitely not as important as early childhood nutrition. (Sorry to disappoint you!)

It is completely understandable that women are divided on the issue of whether to breastfeed in the first place, but it’s an important decision with many benefits and drawbacks. There are, of course, pros and cons for bottle feeding, as well, but no mother I have ever spoken to has listed sexual gratification as her reason for breastfeeding her child.

The idea that women’s bodies are inherently sexual is way overdone. I don’t know about you, but I think the person who is sexualizing breakfast is the one with the problem here. You might not have chosen to breastfeed your own child. You might not even have breasts, or children for that matter. But the idea that anyone has the right to tell a woman to stop feeding her child is completely ridiculous. Let’s leave it behind.

Because female nipples are still obscene and male nipples are still not.

It’s a little funny when we start comparing breastfeeding boobs with not-nourishing-a-child boobs, because in one case it’s only the nipple that’s offensive, and in the other case, the nipple’s covered – and people still complain. And, in both cases, if a man was doing it, no one would say a word.

Did you know there are special backpacks that allow fathers and non-lactating mothers breastfeed their child? In many cases, the exchange of oxytocin during this bonding process may actually stimulate lactation, even in men. This brings us an interesting idea… Would a man breastfeeding in public get the same sort of negative attention that women do?

The entire #FreeTheNipple movement that happened over the past year has proved, without a doubt, that man nipples are never considered sexual, while female nipples always are… even when they’re in the mouth of a child. Keep up the good work on this one – there’s still a long way to go before we reach true nipple equality.

Because the only trans women who get attention are the “conventionally attractive” ones.

In 2015, we were still largely judging people’s worth based on how attractive they were, and this really needs to stop. All trans women are women, and humans, and any notion that they have to conform to what someone else finds sexually appealing is overplayed and on its way out. Whether a trans woman “passes” or not is really none of your concern, nor is it your concern whether she’s had surgery or not.

Not all trans people choose to go through with surgery, nor do all choose to use hormone therapy or even wear makeup and “female clothes”. Do we really still care that much about what people look like?

This comes from the idea that someone is only as important as their presumed sexual worth to us. It’s the same thing that tells femmes that being gay is “a waste”, the same thing that tells studs that they “might as well be men”, and presumes that a gay man will treat a straight man like that straight man treats women. It’s an assumption that is very rarely grounded in facts and it leads to a lot of ignorance in the gay-straight intersection.

But it’s not just cis/straight people who are guilty of this, either, and that’s something that we in the community need to acknowledge – every day, there are lesbians who dismiss trans women as “not being a part of the gay community”. There are trans women who don’t consider themselves part of the gay community because they have always been attracted to men – and according to their gender identity, that makes them straight. The thing that both of these sub-groups fail to realize is that we all face similar problems as women, and even if we don’t band together under the rainbow umbrella, we do still need to band together as women.

Question: Can Lesbians Just Be Friends?

I went out last night to visit a friend in town from London. There were a few new faces out, but mostly the usual suspects.

At one point in the evening one of our group became uncomfortable when a woman she recently hooked up with took a seat across from her.

To try to console her I pointed out that I too, had hooked up with someone at the table, and it was no big deal.

Upon further investigation, I realised we were all a bunch of ho-bags and pretty much everyone at the table had hooked up with someone else.

We started to talk about lesbians friendship group, and after some careful reviewing and some questionable years in university, we both realised we have hooked up with a decent amount of our lesbian and bi friends.

When I say “hooked up” I am including something as simple as a drunk make out session, and not just naked sex.

There is also no time frame on this epiphany either, meaning I may have kissed my buddy Claire once at Uni, and we are still friends.

I used to think as women we are all able have platonic relationships, but like the time I thought I would look good with pink hair, I was wrong. So very wrong.

Either you two have already hooked up, or one of you secretly (or not so secretly) wants to, or at least wanted to when you first met.

So, before you start befriending me on Facebook, know that I have not hooked up with every female friend of mine because there are a few loopholes to my theory – like if she slept with you girlfriend, while you were together.

And even if they aren’t actively trying to pull at the moment, you can still be presented with the opportunities in your friendship circle. It’s like when someone asks if you want to grab some dinner after you had a late lunch… you may not be hungry, but you will always say, “Sure, I can eat.”


17 Thoughts You Have When Your Best Friends Gets A Girlfriend

Remember the times when you and your BFF were both single? And then came the significant other, who took over your position as the VIP of her life.


Sure, she now keeps you updated by Instagramming weird foods she’s trying, and trys to keep you in the loop with Facebook status. But its never going to be like the good ol’ days..


2. Where the hell is she?

3. Okay, she’s busy. Well we always have next weekend.


4. I’ll just message her on Facebook.

5. Who’s Lisa Wortnort? And why did she comment on like every photo? Is this a new friend?

6. Stalking, stalking.

7. Whoa, what happened to her hair?

8. HELLO, eyebrows.


9. I’m her best friend.

10. I’ll text her to make sure they know I’m alive.

11. Whyaretheynotansweringmeback?


13. What, are they too busy to call?


14. Finally. We’re having coffee on Monday. EAT THAT LISA WORTNORT.

15. How many times are we going to rehash every ‘memorable’ memory from school?

16. I swear she told me that last week.

17. Maybe we should go see a movie next time? Less chance of me running out of questions to ask.


29 Reasons Why You And Your BFF Have Everyone Questioning Your “Relationship”

Your best friend is your better half, a person who sticks with you through thick, thin.

She is the person you can spend an entire 24 hours with and never get sick of once.

She’s the person you reach out to whenever you receive great or devastating news.

She’s the person your current girlfriend loves to hate.

But, where would you be in life without your best friend? Loney as f*ck, that’s where. The bond between you and your best friend is so evident in everything you do that people tend to think it may be more than friendship.

Oh silly people, don’t you know what it’s like to have a friend that close? Apparently not…

1. Your girlfriend has asked you on numerous occasions if you’ve ever actually hooked up.

2. You FaceTime each other everyday.

3. She wears your clothes, and you wear hers – in fact her wardrobe is now technically yours.

4. You are in constant communication with her throughout the day.

5. You have a weekly “date night”.

6. Certain television shows are just better because you are watching it with her.

7. You bring each other home for holidays and birthdays.

8. You get jealous when she brings up a girl’s name you don’t know.

9. You can order each other food without asking what the other wants.

10. You spend Sundays lying in bed with each other.

11. You overly compliment each other.

12. You post pictures of things that couples would.

13. You’re content with just bringing each other home at the end of the night.

14. You can’t buy underwear without getting her opinion first.

15. You bicker like an old married couple.

16. You walk around each other naked all the time.

17. Your favorite pastime is discussing how much better your friendship is than everyone else’s.

18. You buy gifts when you see something that reminds you of each other.

19. You actually refer to each other as ‘wife/girlfriend’.

20. You discuss the benefits of actually getting married.

21. You got anxious when you met her parents for the first time.

22. She knows everything about you, and vice versa.

23. You buy each other Valentine’s Day gifts.

24. You hate whomever she hates more than she does.

25. You actually get offended when she doesn’t immediately answer your text.

26. She is the only person you will listen to when it comes to advice.

27. People become concerned when you show up places without each other.

28. You don’t give notice when you’re coming over, you just show up.

29. You are actually honest when it comes to physical appearance.



Lesbian Dating App ‘Her’ Opens its Doors to the Whole of America

Her, the app for lesbian and queer women, is opening its doors to the whole of the US today after seeing unprecedented demand for the app from women across the country.


With requests tripling over the past 2 months, Her has seen a huge growth from women across the country requesting it to launch in their cities.

The growth has been since introducing more social features to the app, such as the Feed section, with users coming back on average 5 times per day (but up to as many as 35 times).

Founder Robyn Exton said,

The feed has had the most crazy response, especially the events section. People love finding out what’s happening in their city and getting to meet women before so they have a friend to go with. We also have a new feature called Question Of The Day where everyone chats about LGBT topics and meets women with similar interests”

Exton also explained that there has also been a change in the way women are using the app; and the way they are choosing to identifying their sexualities.


The number of women choosing to take no label as their sexual identifier has grown from 1% to 9%.

We’ve focussed on making this a space women can come to meet other women, no matter what they are looking for. We’ve always had an amazing lesbian identified audience but now there’s this huge growth coming in from women that aren’t looking to identify with any label”

Marriage Equality Around the World (Video)

Did you know the Netherlands became the first country to legalise same-sex marriage in 2000? And when it did the world went crazy.

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Now look the state of play.

A little over a decade later, marriage equality has spread to four continents, with new debates raging in places once considered unthinkable. The historic vote by the Supreme Court to legalise same-sex marriage adds the United States to the increasingly crowded map of countries with full marriage equality.

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Watch the video below to follow the incredible change as it has unfolded over the past 15 years.

7 Toxic People to Remove from Your Life

The people you surround yourself with can impact what you’ll accomplish in life. Or, in other words, it greatly depends on which people you decide not to surround yourself with.

So if you’re looking to make some changes, be sure not to bring your garbage with you.

Leave these toxic individuals out of your life. You’ll feel much lighter, allowing you to get a great running start on the year to come.

1. The people who make your life more stressful.

Life is stressful as it is. You don’t need someone making it more so.

7 Toxic People 01

2. The people who use you.

Sometimes we find people in our lives who use us in ways that end up hurting us. When you have toxic individuals in your life they leave you worse off, sucking you dry and feeding off you like a parasite.

7 Toxic People 04

3. The people who always manage to hurt you.

People hurt other people — it’s just the way the world works. But if you have someone in your life who can’t manage to stop hurting you, do yourself a favour and cut that person off.

7 Toxic People 02

4. The people who can’t seem to stop lying to you.

Everyone lies. In fact, within the first few minutes of meeting a new person, that person is likely to lie to you a handful of times. Most lies are harmless, but that all changes when the people who are lying to you are the people you trust.

7 Toxic People 05

5. The people who smile to your face and then insult you behind your back.

These individuals enjoy pretending to be your friend while telling the rest of the world that you’re a piece of sh*t. They’ll ruin your reputation and, as most of us now know, reputation matters a whole lot in the world we live in.

7 Toxic People 06

6. The people who don’t care about you, but love to pretend they do.

These individuals are especially toxic because they give you the illusion of a safety net. These “pseudo friends” are a lot of fun to hang out with, and more than willing to accept help, but when you need their help they’re miraculously nowhere to be found. They act like our friends only when it’s convenient for them.

7 Toxic People 07

7. The people who hold you back.

You know the ones – they’re egocentric, they’ll do their best to create their version of their ideal life and drag you into it.

7 Toxic People 10


11 Ways to Spot a Relationship Game Player

Dating and relationships can be many things, but they should never be games.

A healthy relationship does not depend on lies, tricks, guilty secrets, dramatics, or any of the other games.

The “Game Player” – a person who has romantic affairs and/or sexual relations with other women or men but will not commit to any one relationship, often to the contrary of her words and actions.

Here 10 tips that will help you recognise them and hopefully stop the madness…

1. She’s not quite over her ex

‘Not being quite over an ex’ equates to her not planning on making room for you.

Relationship Game Player 02

2. She’s always saying ‘sorry’

We all make mistake, and when we do, we admit we are sorry. Why – well, we say sorry to pardon our actions and spare the other person of the upset we have caused. Saying sorry multiple times is a contradiction. If she is really is sorry, she won’t do it again, and again, and AGAIN.

Relationship Game Player 05

3. She denies your relationship

Behind closed doors you’re her cutie pie, but as soon as you’re out you’re simply an acquaintance. You’ve seen and heard her poo; seen her naked and binged watched ‘Orange is the New Black’ together!

Relationship Game Player 13

4. She dodges date nights

She’s an advocate of the ‘treat em mean, keep em keen’ dating philosophy. She runs late, then texts that she’s not able to meet you, then spends the whole of that evening texting you how much she missed you/likes you/wants to be with you. Lame.

dodges date nights 06

5. She’s a Facebook flirt

She flirts relentlessly with others over Facebook (posting suggestive messages on walls; hinting at plans to ‘catch up’; signing off with winks and kisses).

Relationship Game Player 03

6. She baits you for a reaction

She constantly tries to ‘bait’ you for a reaction. For example, she will blatantly perve on others; flirt with waitresses, and your friends.

Relationship Game Player 07

7. She confesses her love after a week

If she falls in love with you in a week, you can be sure she will fall in love with some else a week after you call it quits. Needy.

Relationship Game Player 10

8. She’s emotionally unavailable

She likes you, but she just can’t commit. Maybe she’s been hurt before, or maybe the feelings just aren’t there. Regardless, she is not ready for you and all you have to offer.

Relationship Game Player 12

9. Your friends don’t trust her

When all your friends think one way, you need to look for the common denominator. Why do they not trust her? Well, because 9/10 times she’s given them cause not to.

Relationship Game Player 09

10. She loves to lie

Whether she’s lying to you, her friends, her work place or herself, she is not ready to confront the truth, be honest, and own up to whom she really is.

Relationship Game Player 08

11. She’s doesn’t want to meet the important people in your life

If it is important to you, it should be important to her – right? If you plan to have a future with her, she needs to recognise her future now consists of your friends and family.

dodges date nights 07

An Introvert’s Guide For Asking A Woman Out

1. Don’t try to be some you’re not.


Be yourself and she will like that about you!

2. Start with a simple conversation.


Initiate your talk with something casual.

3. Do your homework


Put your efforts in understanding her interests, her likes, dislikes.

4. Use the Internet to reach out.


Add her on Facebook

5. Don’t stop being shy


Some women adore shyness other women.

6. Appreciate her.


Don’t come up with any cheesy pick-up lines.

7. Be calm.


Don’t be like a drama queen!

8. Maintain eye contact.


Your eyes will communicate half the message.

9. Don’t forget to smile


That is the best way to overcome your fears, but don’t smile too much!

10. Be alright with a ‘No’


There are plenty more fish in the sea.

13 Ways to Make Your Femme Melt

In a world filled with late-night booty calls, infidelity and lust, it’s easy to become jaded by today’s dating scene.

As women, we brace ourselves for the worst, proceeding with extreme caution during the first few months, for fear of falling victim to heartbreak.

So, it’s a welcome relief when we stumble upon those few true women who show a bit of chivalry.

In fact, they radiate gallantry with even their smallest actions, and remind us that there are still good ones out there.

Here are 13 everyday gestures that will melt a women’s heart.

1. She opens the doors

A woman who takes the time to come around and open the car door for you is a keeper. It shows they put your comfort and well-being first, even if it’s just for a few extra seconds.


2. She saves the last bite of food

They say the way to a butch’s heart is through her stomach. So, when she saves the last bite for you, it’s basically her saying she likes you more than whatever meal is in front of her. Which, for the record, is a lot.


3. She suffers through girly movies

When your GF volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because she knows you’ll enjoy it, she earns major bonus points. Even more if she does so without complaining or expecting something in return.


4. She sends you flowers.

I’m not talking a one-time-buy at Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment she picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile.


5. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk.

The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused, but then you’ll start to question how come other women in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curb side tragedy strike.


6. Kissing your forehead.

Sure, if you’re hoping to date someone and she does this, it can be a dreaded sign of sibling-like affection. But, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your guy does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored.


7. Putting your jacket on

Women are fully capable of putting their own jackets on, but it’s not a question of ability. It’s gentlemanly and kind for someone to hold out your jacket for you or offer you theirs when it’s cold.


8. She is always punctual.

There’s no excuse for being late. Respect my time. And if I’m late, don’t draw attention to it. The correct answer to the question “how long have you been waiting” is “I just got here a few minutes ago.” Never keep a woman waiting.



9. She gets you safely to the door.

Your safety, comfort, and well-being are her first and foremost priority. After a date, meeting, dinner… whatever… she makes sure that you get home safely and thanks you for the pleasure of your company.


10. Always listens.

If you want to get to know a person, ask them questions… and listen to their responses. Listening does not mean “waiting for your chance to talk.” It means being attentive, learning to read responses, understand reactions, and navigate someone’s emotional landscape.


11. She keeps her word and a secret.

Don’t commit yourself to any obligation that you are not willing to brave fire, famine, and flood to fulfil. Likewise, when you are entrusted with a secret, guard it as closely as you do your own. There is no breakup, no fight, no argument, no falling out that absolves you from this responsibility. Live and die with the secrets entrusted to you locked away in your heart.


12. She pays attention to details.

Take mental notes. My likes. My dislikes. My shoe size. My ring size. My favourite colour. This information will prove useful and when it does – when you show up with a bundle of lavender because you know it reminds me of my grandmother – it shows you care.


13. She goes out of her way to let you know she cares. Every. Single. Day.

Flowers. Affectionate post-it notes. Spa days. Simple compliments. All of those things add up. So show your affection every day.


Lesbian Visibility is Getting Better, 10 Must Watch LGBT Ad Campaigns That Melt the Heart (Videos)

We have come a long way when it comes to lesbian in the media visibility. Ads today are both inclusive and respectful, and often boldly targeting the LGBT community directly.

But what is so great about these new adverts, is they are empowering and honest. And as we all know empowering and honest ads don’t always come our way, specially when it comes to women and representing the LGBT community.

1. Anouk Ethnic

Created by clothing company Anouk Ethnic, the advert depicts a couple getting ready for a visit from one of the women’s parents, who will be meeting her girlfriend for the first time. This is a first for India – where same-sex relationships are illegal.

2. Cornetto

Game, set and it’s a match made in heaven when a young girl finds herself as an accidental target for love. Her relationship with a tennis pro doesn’t start off well but will our Cupid, Lily Allen help to bring them together?

3. O Boticário

O Boticário commercial made a big impact in Brazil, causing both negative and positive commentary on social media channels because it should same-sex couples.

4. Wells Fargo

The US bank is promoting and embracing of diversity with a series of new adverts – one of which features a lesbian couple who are learning sign language for a very special reason.


5. Marriott

As part of Marriott International’s #LoveTravels campaign, LGBT couples share their genuine love for one another that they feel translates into a language people can understand, no matter their beliefs.

6. Micorsoft

Software giant Microsoft released a television advert for their Outlook.com campaign which included a scene of two women getting married.


7. Matalan

Matalan launched a major new advertising campaign in the UK, aimed at showing the range of different households in Britain today.

8. Hallmark

Hallmark’s commercial featured a real-life lesbian couple talking about all the things they love about each other, and it’s perhaps the cutest thing ever.



9. Target

Target aired a commercial called, “Baby Digs: The Magic of Space,” which featured a married lesbian couple Amanda Deibert and Cat Staggs.


10. Natwest

The advert (which is for the bank’s ‘Cashback Plus’ service) doesn’t make a big song and dance out of the fact that the couple are lesbians (which is what usually happens), the point the ad is making is that we are all different, and that’s okay



7 Gross Signs You’ve Achieved that ‘Comfort Peak’ in Your Relationship

When we begin a relationship, we aim to be the very best version of ourselves.

We’re always clean, always shaven and never discuss anything that portrays us in a negative light.

But we’re all human, and humans are pretty gross creatures. We can’t sustain this level of perfection, and eventually, the stuff we worked so hard to keep hidden comes out — literally.

Here’s how you know the love is real.

1. There’s no demand to shave.

The beauty of a comfortable relationship is that you only need to shave if you want to. There’s no longer that weird pressure to do so to impress someone.





2. You fart in front of each other.

You’ve probably spent the first six-to-18 months of your relationship convincing your girlfriend that you never fart. Then, one night, it will happen – the inevitable occurs – and there’s no turning back now. You both fart freely in front of each.


3. You pee with the door open.

If you’re in the middle of a crucial conversation, why end it just because one of you has to pee? Just leave the door open a crack, continue with that thought and let it out.


4. You freely discuss your bowl movements.

A new milestone in any relationship is reached when someone mentions their bowels, so you know you’ve hit peak comfort level with your girlfriend when you can discuss how much you have to sh*t.


5. A new hobby involves popping pimples and blackheads.

For some reason some of us get a sick pleasure out of popping pimples and blackheads. We love any kind of beauty routine that promises cleanliness and purity, even if the process is painful.

However, if your girlfriend offers to pop your pimples — that is, willingly come face-to-face with your dirt and gunk — take it as a sign that she finds even the grossest parts of you appealing and worthy of your touch.


6. Sicknesses dose not make kissing off-limits.

Your oozing boogies, and she’s got crusty Pink Eye. Your cough is loud and un-controllable. She just puked. But nothing stops you from wanting to take care of her — and maybe even get physical.

Even with snot seeping from her nose and dark circles under her eyes, your girlfriend is just as appealing as the day you first met.


7. Weight gain isn’t a big deal.

In this media-driven, image-obsessed world, we all strive to have the best bodies. These strategies are effective for the beginning of a relationship, but once you’re deep in one, laziness inevitably sets in.

When you’re in a relationship, you may notice changes in your significant other’s body overtime. Maybe you notice a pooch forming when you’re naked, or maybe you find you need to buy a bigger sized shirt than last year for this year’s Christmas present.

But weight doesn’t matter. You still remember them exactly how they were when you first met, and you still love them with the extra pounds.


Bonus thing – Despite all of this, you actually still find your significant other sexy.

This is not a matter of simply tolerating these gross things; it’s a matter of still thinking your partner is incredibly hot regardless of them.


15 Ridiculous Things Lesbians Should Never Buy Their Girlfriends

Nothing says romance, like a piece of crap you don’t need! So…. here are some tips on what to avoid getting your girl.


1. Edible pants

Nothing says romance like a ‘gift’ that’s both hugely impractical and extremely uncomfortable.


2. A diet book

Books can be great presents. But a diet book…. Hmmmm? This is SURELY an insult maker. Did you mean to tell your GF she needs to lose weight?


3. The L Word box set

You’ll spend more hours watching this, resenting them and bitching about life, than actually enjoying your relationship.


4. A virtual gift

It doesn’t matter what you choose from their large virtual selection of flowers, cuddly kittens, or dancing gnomes –  you will look like the cheapest tool alive.


5. A morphsuit

Wooo hoo, how to make your GF feel totally sexy –  have her squeeze herself into lyrical suit that shows off all her bulges. Awesome.


6. A musical vibrator

Hell no. Seriously are we looking for romance or comedy fall out.


7. Fireplace DVD

If you were considering a real portable fireplace, well, that’s pretty romantic. But you must be a close relative of the baboon family if you think you are going to get any brownie points with this gift. Seriously, she will be under-whelmed by this moronic attempt at romance.


8. Themed Underwear

Every woman wants her woman to look and feel sexy, but we know how this one goes… “Hey, it’s Christmas time, so let’s pick something up from the store that combines holiday spirit and let’s-get-it-on.” Wrong! Santa-themed lingerie never makes anything sexy.


9. Jewellery in box

Every year you watch the commercial where the guy is sitting by the fire and unveils this little velvet box containing a glittering necklace or pair of earrings and the girl looks at him adoringly, and you think, “I really wanna be that guy.” Then, you look at your wallet, and go get something made out of cubic zirconia and hope for the best. Wrong move.


10. A Real Kitten or Puppy

I know you think that kittens and puppies look really cute and cuddly, but they are actually more work then you think. And what happens if she starts resenting you for giving her all this extra responsibility that she never asked for, or worse, she starts letting it sleep in the bed and she fusses over it more than you.


11. Any type of gift card

Basically what you are saying is that Valentine’s Day is not going to be any better than any other day spent with you. If this is the best that you can do you are lucky to even have a girlfriend.


12. Household appliances

As soon as you enter the word appliance into the mix you have a recipe for disaster. Basically, you’ve just given her housework in a box.


13. Tattoo her name on your body

Not wishing you a break-up anytime soon, but the truth is not all relationships last. Tattoos on the other hand are permanent. And I’m not talking permanent marker that eventually comes off, I’m talking about ink injected into your skin kind of permanent.


14. A set of fancy scales

Again, unless you’ve got a fitness nut for a sweetie, you are essentially calling a woman fat when you give her scales to weigh her body. Do this and expect to be sleeping on the couch.


15. Nothing

When you’re at that awkward point in a relationship where you’re not sure if you should get her a gift, or not? Even if you did have the talk and agreed on not getting gifts, you’d be stupid to believe your girl doesn’t actually want a gift. Suck it up and break the bank, because the potential downside of not getting a gift could be disastrous.


Lesbians Explain Sex Toys (video)

Some lesbians use sex toys, some don’t. Some enjoy penetration, and some enjoy giving. There is no real rule.

Truth be told, most sex toys can be used for any and all bodies in any and all couples or groupings. All you need is a little creativity, an open mind, and possibly some lube.

You can catch more videos from Arielle Scarcella on her YouTube channel – so good and so funny.

The Rise of Casual Sex Between Women

New York Magazine recently reported that Americans are now more OK with casual sex than they were in the 90s.

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According to the data from the nationally representative General Social Survey of 33,380 Americans over 18, 37% have had casual sex in the past year, compared to 32% in the 90s.

In addition, Americans have had more sexual partners over the course of their adult lifetime now than they did in the 90s.

There are a lot of reasons these more relaxed attitudes exist.

The media are more open about same-sex relationships.

There has never been more sex in mass media than there is now — and that’s a good thing because we are no longer viewing sex as a something shameful, secretive or taboo.

Sex has always been a normal part of everyday life, but now that normality is reflected in the media, too.

Even more so, being confronted with these images of sex and sexuality in the media forces us to have conversations about them.

Also read: The 10 Best Things About Being a Lesbian That No One Tells You

Feminism gives women more choices, especially when it comes to sex.

For women, the most important component about modern-day feminism is choice.

Thanks to feminism, we can choose our careers, our motherhood status and our skirt length. Most importantly, we can choose how much sex we want to (or don’t want to) have.

No longer are women expected to remain virgins until marriage. No longer does the number of people they’ve slept with define them.

The Madonna-whore complex has been rendered bullsh*t, and the reclaiming of the words “slut” and “whore” has given women freedoms they’d never before experienced.

Today, when it comes to sex, anything goes.

The Western World is less religious.

Religion might be great for a lot of things, but sex-positivity is not one of them.

According to data from the Pew Research Center, 20% of Americans are not religious.

With religion comes a perspective on sex that’s generally of the more conservative variety.

The fact that Americans are less religious means they aren’t adhering to beliefs that cast sexuality in a shameful light.

When you don’t affiliate yourself with a religion, you’re free to make your own decisions about your sex life without any reservations or guilt.

The boom of the Internet makes sex-related information more accessible.

With the rise of the Internet in the past decade, it’s never been easier to search for anything sex related, including how-tos, advice and, yes, visual stimulation. And by visual stimulation, I mean porn.

Statistics over the years have exaggerated exactly how much porn is on the Internet, but that doesn’t discredit porn’s effect.

Out of the top one million most popular websites on the Internet, about 4% are sex related.

Information about sex on the Internet may not always be reliable, but this doesn’t stop people from seeking it out anyway.

Also read: 5 Common Misconceptions About Lesbians

Dating apps make it easy to find sex.

Tinder, GayDar Girls, Her – if you think of a word and awkwardly tweak the spelling, there’s probably a casual sex app with that name.

Thanks to these dating apps, we now treat sexual prospects like we treat weekly food shop.

Much like you’d browse through veg at supermarket, you can browse through prospects in your bedroom, on the train, at the club, on the toilet — literally anywhere.

Seeking out sex has never been easier or more convenient, which further normalises it.

Instead of the “walk of shame,” it’s called the “stride of pride.”

A one-night stand is officially no longer a “walk of shame.” Now, it’s a “stride of pride,” which gives casual sex a whole new positive meaning.

We no longer live in a world in which you should feel guilty for engaging in sex with another women. You get it. Just let your freak flag fly.

Lesbian Problems 101 (Video)

99 problems, getting pregnant ain’t one! But being lesbian can sometimes sucks – from understanding women, to texting, threesomes, complex friendship dynamic, The L Word and more.

Every lesbian goes through these problems. So watch and relate…

Watch more great video from the The Gay Woman Channel – they rock


10 Mistakes ALL Lesbians Make (Video)

Head held in shame, because most of these mistakes apply to me. Ok – ALL apply to me.

Yes, I’ve continued to live with my girlfriend after we broke. Yes, sex toys have caught me out. Yes, I’ve dated my ex girlfriends best friend. And yes I over analysis everything. Need I go on?!

Curious to see more of Arielle Scarcella’s videos? Check out “Lesbians Explain: Sleeping With Men” and “Once You Go D*ck… You’ll Never Get Chicks.”


31 First World Lesbian Problems

1. Other lesbians not thinking you’re gay

2. Having “that talk” with a member of your family


3. Being told “you’re going through a phase”


4. Being introduced as “my lesbian friend”


5. People insulting gay people without knowing you are one


6. Finding out the woman you like is straight, or are dating someone else


7. Straight women asking if your are a lesbian


8. The death of your favourite lesbian character in EVERY TV Show


9. And then the endless search for Lesbian subtext in EVERY new TV show that comes out


10. Being asked which is the “boy” in the relationship


11. Having to out yourself when you make a new friend


12. Online dating struggles


13. Shopping in the boy section, then having to use female changing room


14. Being mistaken for a man “excuse me sir, oh I mean…”


15. Straight men asking questions about your sex life


16. Gay man asking you questions about your sex life


17. Straight women asking you questions about your sex life


18. Presents from distant family members


19. Referring to your girlfriend as partner, to keep your sexuality neutral in your workplace


20. Becoming a lesbian stereotype


21. As a couple, being confused as friends or worse siblings


22. When your periods syncs with your girlfriends


23. Suffering through a bad movie in order to watch that three-minutes of lesbian romance


24. Having a straight girl crush


25. Being too afraid to ask a woman you fancy about her sexuality


26. Being a straight girls experiment


27. Bro-friendships and listening to their views on women


28. Over analysing your girlfriend’s motivations


29. Lock Jaw!


30.Being told lesbian sex is not real sex


31. The ending of The L Word


Cate Blanchett: I never said I have had sexual relationships with women

In an interview published earlier this week with Variety, the magazine said it asked Cate Blanchett if this was her first turn as a lesbian to which they quote the two-time Oscar winner as “coyly” responding, “On film — or in real life?”  The outlet then noted “Pressed for details about whether she’s had past relationships with women, she responds: ‘Yes. Many times,’ but doesn’t elaborate.”

Cate Blanchett 02

This confession created worldwide headlines proclaiming Blanchett had experienced numerous lesbian affairs during her life.

However, during a press conference in Cannes while discussing her new lesbian / bi themed film Carol, Blanchett explained her quote had been judiciously edited for effect, and alas she is has not had sexual relationships with women.

From memory, the conversation ran: ‘Have you had relationships with women?’ And I said: ‘Yes, many times. Do you mean have I had sexual relationships with women? Then the answer is no.’ But that obviously didn’t make it.”

She also said she hoped for a time when it would no longer necessary for people to have to come out, saying:

In 2015, the point should be, ‘Who cares?’ Call me old fashioned, but I thought one’s job as an actor was not to present one’s boring, small, microscopic universe, but to raise and expand your sense of the world and make a psychological and empathetic connection to another character’s experience so you could present something other than your own world to an audience.

My own life is of no interest to anyone else. It is, I know, but I’m certainly not interested in putting my own thoughts and opinions up there. Why I love being an actor and working is what you refer to before, the research.  It’s finding other people’s experiences and making those beautiful, intangible [connections] that will communicate something.”

Variety has not responded as yet to Blanchett’s assertion, but it’s hard to believe an actress of her sterling reputation would make this clear clarification if she did not believe their assertion was inaccurate.

Blanchett went on to say she admired the restraint exhibited by the characters in the film, who speak about the sex lives only sparingly.

Carol’s sexuality is a private affair. What often happens these days is if your are homosexual you have to talk about it constantly, the only thing, before your work. We’re living in a deeply conservative time.”

The actor confirmed that her research had involved consuming countless lesbian novels written in the middle of the last century, of which Carol appeared to be “the only one with a happy ending”.



They were outsider novels. Carol was not a card-carrying member of any sexual persuasion. That’s also important to remember: those labels, those groups, the comfort of them, didn’t exist then. The resultant isolation was very important.”

The film is being regarded as the most mainstream American depiction of a lesbian relationship made to date.


Screenwriter, Phyllis Nagy, spent 14 years attempting to make this movie; now that she has, she said, it amounted to “a huge political statement.”

nothing has changed and everything has changed. Because we can have this movie now. It starts the kinds of discussion we need to have about this issue. We do not we politicise the material by just allowing people to live their lives honestly. [Gay people] are expected to make it an issue front and centre in our lives. But actually when you live your life, your identity is front and centre – but it’s something we’re not often treated to seeing in films.”

The cast and crew expressed the hope that the film might help change policy in the “70 countries round the world in which homosexuality is still illegal”. “It’s important to talk about,” continued Blanchett, while her co-star Rooney Mara, agreed “there’s a long way to go before we’re not talking about it”.


5 Reasons Why ‘Hook-Ups’ are a Poor Excuse For a Date

So we live in the world Hook-Ups – where you meet a person and suggest go grabbing a coffee or a drink, instead of asking some out on a date. You must have heard the line “I’ll meet you at the bar,” which sounds so lame – well unless you’re Shane from The L word that is.


Now I’m not a fussy dater. I’m not always expecting a multi-course meal at a five-star restaurant, but for a first date, I am hoping for a place that offers something a bit more than muffins, free WiFi and my favourite brew.

Here are my top five reasons why we should get rid of the Hook-Up dates once and for all:

1. It makes me feel like you don’t think I’m worth a real date


Asking someone out for drink is just an easy way to ask someone out without really asking someone out. For the people doing the asking, there is virtually nothing to lose.

If they get rejected, they can simply use the cop-out that it was never actually a date.

If they manage to lock down the date, it’s a very straightforward thing to plan. If it goes badly, they can know, rest assured, no effort or resources were wasted.

2. It results in a lot of confusion as to what this “meet-up” is


“Let’s grab a coffee on Monday” via text message is easily the most nonchalant way to ask someone out. It’s to the point I’m not even sure if this is a real date.

Did you just friend-zone me? Are we just catching up? At least with dinner or some other date-like activity, both parties are (usually) fully aware of what the outing entails.

3. It’s a little too casual


I’m all for casual dates, but the local lesbian bar is too casual for me. It’s nosy, we’re near to your ex, my friends just walked in, and now I’m not exactly motivated to strike up engaging conversation.

If we’re on this date, it means I’m at least slightly interested in you. I want to look good for our date, and I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb next to a plethora of people in sweats.

The environments of Starbucks and other quirky coffee shops are made to be casual. They are supposed to encourage studying and “hanging out,” rather than nervous and excited conversations by first daters trying to look desirable.


4. It has an inevitable short time frame


There are very few people in this world who can drink one single drink for more than 20-30 minutes, so you have to order a second to prolong a date – which means you face the risk of appearing to be a lush.

I suppose having a guaranteed out within 20-30 minutes is a pro if the date goes badly, but if I’m going on a date in the first place, I’m hoping it’ll turn out well.

Also, we are so fast-paced in every other aspect of our lives, we don’t need or want our dating lives to be as such. I want to take my time, and I want you to take yours. If you try to tell me you don’t have the time for more than a simple coffee drink, you certainly don’t have the time to take this relationship to the next level.

The drink date is limiting – the longer you go, the drunker you get. And the drunker I get the more I forget. So I forget all the the good stuff – the life stories, the experiences and the passions.

5. Drunk kiss or no kiss


A (sober) first kiss is awkward enough without it being along a line of people waiting at the bus top outside the coffee shop in pure daylight. Unless your drunk, and by now all you rules i.e. ‘you’re not the “type” to kiss on a first date’, gets blown out of the water.

The majority of our generation favours casual hangouts and hookups rather than actual dating, but the coffee date blurs the line between what is “real” and what is casual.

I, like many girls I know, am done wasting time trying to figure out whether our coffee meet-up or “study sesh” was considered a date or not.

Hooking up is fine, but if you’re into someone, do her a favor and take her on a real date. This way, there will be no overanalyzing what your intention is.

Cate Blanchett Confirms Her Past Relationships With Women

Blink and you’ll miss it – but Cate Blanchett just confirmed she has enjoyed past relationships with women.

In new piece with Variety, the six-time Oscar nominee talks about playing the lead in Carol, a new lesbian romance based on Patricia Highsmith‘s novel The Price of Salt. In the article, Blanchett also mentions that she has had relationships with women “many times” before – wow!

Cate Blanchett 02

From the article…

When asked if this is her first turn as a lesbian, Blanchett curls her lips into a smile. “On film — or in real life?” she asks coyly. Pressed for details about whether she’s had past relationships with women, she responds: “Yes. Many times,” but doesn’t elaborate. Like Carol, who never “comes out” as a lesbian, Blanchett doesn’t necessarily rely on labels for sexual orientation. “I never thought about it,” she says of how she envisioned the character. “I don’t think Carol thought about it.” The actress studied the era by picking up banned erotic novels. “I read a lot of girl-on-girl books from the period,” she says.

This is the first time she’s spoken about having been with women. However, the actress is currently is married to Australian writer/director Andrew Upton, so any further outings with women will be pretty limited.

Cate Blanchett 03

Carol is an adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s 50s lesbian pulp novel The Price of Salt. While lesbian pulp novels usually ended in tragedy (it would have been blasphemous to end them in blissful romance) Highsmith broke barriers by doing the opposite. In The Price of Salt the lead falls for a young woman – a department store clerk and artist – and spoiler alert (!) it ends in a way that lets us imagine that the two women end up happy together.


On the film, director Todd Haynes says

In some ways, the event of a gay love story is less surprising every day. But I think love stories are hard to pull off, period. They require external forces that keep the lovers apart.”


Cate is now one of several public women who have spoken about having relationships with women, while also not labelling themselves, much like Miley Cyrus.

7 Tips For Handling Relationship Insecurities

We have all felt unworthy of love. Our insecurity make us see problems where they don’t exist, turning what can been successful relationships into a short-lived, dismal failure.

Find out how to get over relationship insecurities and have a better relationship.

1. Stop thinking it is all about you


A self centred world view will have you chasing boogeymen where they don’t exist. Stop psycho-analyzing every word choice people make and be more present in the moment, so you can notice the message behind their tone, physical presence, and posture. Obsessing with hidden meanings is a sure-fire way to miss the point. Having that overwhelming urge to fill every second of silence with needless words is a habit of an insecure person.

2. Stop psyching yourself out


Your thoughts can be your relationship’s best friend or worst enemy.  Have you ever found thinking negative thoughts like, I know they’ll get sick of me someday? or, How could they love me?

These thoughts have little to do with reality, but a lot to do with fear. In other words, the problem you are concerned with doesn’t exist — you invented it! Any time you find yourself feeling insecure about your relationship, tell yourself, “The thing I’m worried about only exists in my head. I have full control.”

3. Stop lugging around all that baggage


Ever been in a relationship so terrible that you would love to just wish it all away so you never have to think about it again? Join the club. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a person who doesn’t have a bit of baggage because this love thing is an unpredictable (and sometimes rocky) ride. A little baggage is totally okay, but you need to lighten your load before jumping into any new relationship. Let go of any left-over hurtful feelings that might be lingering and realize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you. The lovely thing about life: you can re-start as many times as you need to!

4. Stop seeing things in black and white


How do you react when someone blames you for something that you don’t think is your fault? Survey says: you get defensive. Likewise, confronting your partner over a problemno matter how obvious it may be to youwill most likely cause them to become defensive. This usually leads to a knock-down, drag-out fight that is the opposite of productive because you’re both too busy trying to prove you’re right to resolve your conflict. If you have a problem, don’t immediately point the finger, but instead approach your partner with compassion and understanding. Be comfortable in the fact that neither of you is fully “right” or “wrong.” The true answer lies somewhere in the middle.

5. Stop feeling paranoid over nothing


Let’s face it: we all talk to people of the opposite sex. Just because a boy and girl (or boy and boy, or girl and girl) are friends doesn’t mean there is more to the story. Avoid the temptation to snoop your partner’s phone, Facebook messages, or email account. While this could temporarily calm your nerves when you see nothing afoul, it is also a behavior that could quickly become addictive, not to mention damaging for relationship trust when they find out Big Brother is watching.

6. Stop putting off uncomfortable conversations


While conflict is stressful for your relationship in the short-term, it will build the strength of your relationship in the long-term. Facing your problems without fear will help you grow closer to your partner. Never mince words with each other and you will develop trust so strong that you can tell your partner anything that is on your mind.

7. Stop being dependent on anyone but yourself


Having someone to hug, kiss, cuddle, make love to, and share your life with is nothing short of wonderful. But before you march off into the sunset in search of love, you need to learn to love yourself. Just like you shouldn’t invite a friend to your home while it’s a disorganized wreck, you shouldn’t invite a partner into your life while it is in disarray. Take care if your inner-house before you invite anyone else to it.


Quiz | What Kind of Woman Is Right for You?

There are different types of women in the world. Some are simple and some are very complex, but finding your ideal woman — your ideal partner in life can be tricky.

Everyone has a type. Some like them taller, others shorter. Some like simple women, others like accomplished and driven women. As far as types go, people get very creative — and often even weird. But our type is our type, and we want what we want.

So, lets try to figure it out – what kind of woman is right for you?