Tag Archives: LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

9 Types Of Lesbians It Sucks To Have Sex With

Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Maybe people grow apart, maybe they want different things or maybe the sex is bad.

That’s right – bad sex is something many women actually end a relationship over.

So what type of women does it suck to have sex with?


1. The stationary lover

Why do some women feel the need to keep sex to one position and at the same pace? There’s a whole world out there.

bad-lesbian-sex-06


2. The tongue-jabber

These women treat oral like it’s an assault, and when you make-out with them, they try to remove your tonsils with their tongue. Too much tongue action is will numb all body parts – It’s a vagina, not a deck that needs a new finish.

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3. The look-me-in-the-eyes lover

Sometimes you want to close your eyes and think happy, sexy thoughts. But this lady removes you from your moment, forcing you to look deep into her eyes. While, yes this can be ‘hot’ with the right type of lover, there is a certain type of woman who seems to think that good sex can only happen with constant eye contact. It’s not always going to be soulful lovemaking.

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4. The ‘limited’ dirty talker

Talking dirty is an art form, which you need to come prepared for. Just saying “wet” & “horny” 70 times gets me dry. Also, no one wants a slutty parrot in the room.

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5. The fast-finger blaster

Treating my private parts like a video game will get you no-where. Chill. There’s no gold at the end of this rainbow.

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6. The only-her-oral-obsessed woman – really, really!?

In my eyes, selfishness about oral is a cardinal sin. It’s in the fine print of the Ten Commandments. Look it up.

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7. The orgasm chaser

We all deserve to come in our own time. I don’t need to hear “are you there yet, are you there yet, are you there yet”. This mantra is an orgasm turn off.

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8. The period-phobic

Periods happen. Period sex can happen. Get over it.

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9. The woman who simply doesn’t pay attention

Above all, the worst type of person to have sex with is someone who doesn’t pay attention. Ask. Communicate. Listen.

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Is Scissoring Actually Effective? | We Answer Your Questions

We aim to get to the heart of your sex and relationship problems, so if you need advice, please contact us.


Q: Is scissoring actualy effective? 

Dear KitschMix,

So I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we want to get more adventurous in the bedroom. She really likes the idea of scissoring and I’m open trying anything once.

We tried last night as well…no luck was had.

Our main problem was that our vulvas, let alone our clits, weren’t rubbing together that well. If anything, both of our asses kept getting in the way. We kept referring to pictures online on lesbian forums, tried to position both our bodies differently, used pillows, etc. etc., but still no improvement.

Has anyone had success with scissoring? Any tips?


A: Oh my goodness, scissoring. It is both my guilty pleasure and the bane of my existence. It can definitely be effective, but there are some problems.

First, it’s definitely a learning experience. Chances are, it’s different than other things you’ve tried in the bedroom, and this can make it difficult to know when you’ve got it right. Especially if your main information is through pictures or porn – because the goal of these two types of materials is to show you what’s going on, they’re a bit misleading when it comes to actual practice.

You really need to be right on top of each other or it isn’t going to work. Most likely, you’re going to have to practice a lot before you get it down – but you’ll definitely know when you do.

Second, your anatomy plays a big part in it too – to an extent. I am not a very small girl, especially in the hips and butt area, so I feel your pain! My current partner and I have both gained a bit of weight over the past year or so – partially due to her having surgery, and partially because I stopped exercising as much as I used to. Before, when we were smaller, we were able to work it out – but even before we got to the sizes we are currently, it got difficult as we got further away from that “perfect” weight for us. We still try every now and then, but it’s not like it was when we were smaller.

For something that feels like scissoring but is a bit more forgiving to body types that aren’t “perfectly built” for such, consider standard tribbing. Technically, the only difference between the two is that scissoring is clit-to-clit while tribbing is clit-to-anything. This makes it a lot easier to handle, but produces the same end result.

Try aligning yourselves with your legs between each other’s legs. Try and get your thigh flat against her vagina, and help her to do the same. Then, as one of you rubs yourself against a leg, the leg that is against your partner will rub against her, too – and if the two of you are on the same rhythm, it feels very similar to “real” scissoring.

I hope this helps – please write again and let us know if this worked for you!


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Should You Do A Sex Detox?

Sometimes, you have to limit your body in order to free your mind.

That’s the rationale behind a new wave of young women who are embracing the sex detox as a way to increase their mental and physical health.

What’s a sex detox?

Well, imagine a life without sex. Now go live that life.

Some women choose not to have sex at all – no masturbating, no porn, no erotica. Some women choose not to have any sort of sexual contact, like kissing, while some women are okay with everything except having sex with another person (so vibrators are fine).

The length of time varies based on each woman and on how often she has sex. For a woman who has a different girl in her bed every night, going a week without sex might be enough time to clear her head. For a woman who has sex once a month, maybe six months of celibacy is a good goal.

What are the benefits of a sex detox?

You get to know yourself sexually. If you decide that masturbation is still okay, then you have all of the time in the world to explore your body. Get rid of all of your preconceptions about what your partners assumed you like. What do you actually like? What do you find hot? Touch yourself in new ways. Use new toys. Read new types of erotica and learn about different types of BDSM. Nothing is off-limits, and there’s no one to be embarrassed in front of.

You get to know yourself physically. If any type of sexual activity is off-limits, then you suddenly have a lot of time to appreciate your body in other ways. Get a massage. Go to the gym. Just stand in front of the mirror for ten minutes and look at yourself – really look at yourself – and find the beauty in every freckle.

You can work on your sexual health. Get tested. I know, it’s not sexy, but seriously – get tested for everything. And learn about safe sex. All about safe sex. Seriously, learn as much as you can.

You can undo bad habits. When some people get upset, they overeat. When other people get upset, they have sex. If you’re using sex to fill a void, feel loved or numb your feelings, then a sex detox will help you learn better behaviors.

Think a sex detox is for you? Get started here.

10 Things To Know About Sex With An Introvert

So, you heard that introverts were secretly the best girlfriends, and you successfully wooed one. Now what? Dating an introvert can seem like a daunting task, especially if you don’t fully understand what introversion means. Thankfully, though, we’ve outlined this handy guide of the top ten things you need to know about sex with an introvert. For best results, read through this guide before having sex with her for the first time – she’ll definitely appreciate it!

Sex is more exhausting for us.

Sex is an inherently exhausting activity already, but introverts have a particularly hard time recuperating afterward. This is because is physically and mentally draining, and if she feels even the slightest bit pressured into it, it’s going to be emotionally draining, too. Give her time, and she’ll warm up – it’s not a race to the finish.

It’s hard to talk about what we really want.

Many introverts have a hard time expressing what’s on their mind – even if their happiness depends on it. It’s not because we don’t like people, or because we’re too sensitive about what other people think of us. It’s because small talk feels like a barrier placed between people, and it’s super awkward to start a conversation with sex as its primary focus. Still, if we tell you we want or enjoy something, don’t take it lightly – we’ve thought it through before saying it out loud.

Intimacy comes long before we do.

Where extroverts tend to thrive on physical closeness first, introverts prefer to get to know someone deeply before we open ourselves up to them. This means that we take a little longer to get close to, but once we do let you in, you better believe we’re excited about it. We need foreplay every time to help us get comfortable, and it’s always a good idea to ask permission before pressing forward.

Observation is essential.

Introverts are naturally observant of the world around us – we’d prefer to sit on the sidelines watching others have fun than actually participate. It’s not because we’re boring, it’s because we take note of all the details. We’re responsive to our partner’s needs, and we expect a partner who can be responsive to ours, too. This attention to detail makes us excellent lovers, but if you aren’t equally perceptive, your introvert lover might get bored.

Distractions happen sometimes.

While no one is completely prone to distraction, it means something totally different to an introvert. Extroverts tend to be more easily distracted in environments that lead them bored and unstimulated, while introverts are more likely to wander off if there’s too much going on. Rest assured that, just because her mind isn’t totally present when you’re being intimate together, that doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying herself – it means she’s enjoying herself so much that her mind can’t focus on any one thing.

Casual sex can be super awkward.

While most of the introverts I personally know have tried casual sex a time or two before, it usually isn’t “for” us. We’d prefer to form a deep emotional bond with someone, baring our soul before our body – and even that, slowly. We’d rather keep a few people extra close to us than have hordes at arms’ length, so we don’t like to spend a lot of time or energy on people we don’t expect to speak to again.

It’s hard for us to get things started.

Introverts are more likely to be satisfied with less sex than their extrovert partner, which means we’re probably not going to bring it up when we want it. Even when we do want it and it hasn’t been initiated yet, we may be reserved because we’re still thinking things over. Having a partner who can take charge of the situation is wonderful, and a partner who knows how to properly use teasing as a sexual tool is sure to please for years to come.

Our fortress of solitude is not for sex… Usually.

Everyone needs their own space from time to time, but an introvert’s need for alone time is much higher than an extrovert’s. We prefer to have our own safe place to retreat to, somewhere quiet where we can recharge after stressful situations. Since sex is a pretty tiring event, we probably won’t want to stay long after – we need to get back to our comfort zone to rest up. If we bring you into our safe place, it’s important that you respect what it means to us – sharing our private spaces is very difficult for us.

We probably won’t be turned on after a party.

While extroverts may find the excitement of social situations arousing, introverts don’t get the same rush. The exact feelings may be different from one introvert to the next, but most of us would feel more comfortable if we had time to recharge in between. Many introverts prefer morning sex as our social batteries have had time to recharge – we don’t feel sexy when we’re drained from the day’s interactions.

Sitting silently afterwards is 100% not weird.

As much as we value our alone time, introverts also enjoy spending quiet time with the people we need in our lives. Sometimes that means cuddling, once we feel comfortable sharing our space with you, but mostly it just means stolen moments of silence in between activities. We don’t need to fill the air with empty words – we’re comfortable just being near you, and that really is special.

What Do Butch Women Like In Bed?

When you picture a butch woman, who comes to mind? Maybe it’s Poussey or Boo from Orange is the New Black, each sporting short hair and a boyish swagger. Maybe it’s Ruby Rose, who blurs gender. Maybe you picture an innocuous short-haired woman like Tig Notaro or Alison Bechdel, or a generic woman with dreadlocks, a strap-on and an easy smile, like Young M.A. Regardless, all of these images have something in common: “masculinity.”

Now what do you think these women like in bed? Go ahead, take a guess. If traditional straight men are anything to judge by, then butch women probably like to be dominant. They like to penetrate.

But that’s just not true. Remember Domo and Crissy, the butch/femme couple where the butch woman – gasp! – was the one to get pregnant? The Internet erupted in flames because the “wrong one” got pregnant.

Clearly, when we impose archaic homonormative and proto-masculine ideas onto queer couples, we end up wrong.

Arielle Scarcella sat down with several butch women to discuss stereotypes about what butch women want in bed. “What would people be surprised to know about you specifically?” she asked.

One butch woman admitted, “I’m really versatile. I’m usually the one to initiate and take care of her first – but then it’s my turn!”

Another woman looked proud when she said, “I can only really orgasm vaginally.” AKA, from being penetrated.

One woman explained why it’s so uncommon to believe that butch women can enjoy being dominated. It comes back to toxic masculinity. “If you do enjoy receiving penetration,” she says, “that takes away from your masculinity.” #MasculinitySoFragile it even applies to women.

Of course, not all butch women like to be dominant, and some dislike penetration. And that’s completely okay. But don’t make assumptions about what a girl wants in bed based on her biceps and buzz cut.

Watch the video.

10 Valentine’s Day Sex Positions For An Unforgettably Romantic Night

Whether you two are in love, like, or lust, Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to have sex that’s as dirty as it is tender.

Valentine’s Day comes with a ton of pressure and expectations, and the holiday only gets trickier when you’re broke AF and still dying to spoil your girlfriend.

If you’re doing V-Day on a budget this year, I’d say one of the greatest gifts you can give your partner is a mind-blowing night in the boudoir. It’s easier said than done, I know, but studying these 10 Valentine’s Day sex positions is a good place to start.

So break out the bubble bath, stock up on chocolate syrup, and light enough candles to hold a freaking vigil.

Here are ten scorchingly hot sex moves to try with your partner this Valentine’s Day.


10. Joystick

Joystick

This position offers the excitement of a new routine (and even props!) without forcing you to buy anything special. You can use any chair you have, as long as it’s big enough to seat both of you comfortably. (You will be on top of one another, so it doesn’t have to be anything giant.)

The partner who will be giving the pleasure will be seated in the chair, with one foot in front of her (so that her knee is propped up – see picture for clarification). The other partner will climb on top of the upright leg and begin to rub herself against it. She can lift her lover’s leg in order to maneuver things better, or she can just let the bottom partner take control.

This isn’t the sort of routine that will make your everyday routine, but if you’re looking to experiment with tribadism this is a good power position to try.


9. Rocking Horse

Rocking Horse

This position involves a strap-on, but the especially acrobatic can try it with a double-sided toy as well. The partner who is receiving will lie on her back with her legs in the air. At this point, the giving partner (wearing a strap-on) will slide herself under the legs of her lover and penetrate her with the toy.

If the partner wearing the strap-on wants to get a little deeper, all she has to do is lean forward. You can also consider caressing each other’s bodies, as you will be facing each other. To experience a tighter fit with the toy, the receiving partner can try putting both of her legs on the same shoulder. No matter how you mix it up, this position is sure to please!


8. Major Inspiration

Major inspiration

Okay, I’ll admit… I’m a bit of a watcher. Particularly when it comes to oral sex. I can’t help myself – I love to see the face of a woman enjoying herself. This position is perfect for that, as the receiving partner will prop herself up with a few pillows so she’s got a good angle to observe from.

Even if you’re not into watching, this position is great because the arched position of the back leads to stronger, greater orgasms – it’s science!


7. The Spoon

Spoons

This has been a personal favorite of mine for a very long time, because it offers the warmth and closeness of cuddling with the undeniable pleasure of… Well, getting laid! While you’re spooning your girlfriend, the “big spoon” will simply reach around to the front and start fondling and caressing as she desires.

If you want to spice it up even further, you can get a toy involved in the action – once the “little spoon” is nice and wet, the “big spoon” can scoot back a touch and slide in her favorite toy. This might be easier if the “little spoon” pivots her hips a bit to put her bum into the air. For those who enjoy deep penetration, the pleasure you get from this particular position is incredible.


6. Above Below

 

This happens to be one of my personal favorites, and for good reason. It’s different enough to add excitement without being difficult – and it definitely has potential to turn into a super sexy experience.

One partner should be lying on her stomach. Optionally, she can position a pillow underneath her hips and rub herself against it as she becomes more aroused. The other partner will lay on top of her so that she can rub up against her partner’s bum – while she offers a helping hand to her lover underneath, of course!

Once you get the hang of this one, you should both be able to climax – maybe even simultaneously! But there are no rules here. The partner on bottom can be stimulated however you desire, and if you’re keen on penetration, it’s especially divine.


5. Skin Deep

Skin deep

This foreplay position is a great when you want to take your partner by surprise. (Please make sure that she is OK with surprise sex first!) The partner who will be seducing the other will come up behind her while she is standing and start caressing in order to warm things up. Of course, this doesn’t have to stay one-sided for very long! Once the receiving partner is thoroughly aroused, she may decide to reach her hand back and stimulate the giver as well.

If your partner is into the idea, you can even consider penetrating her from behind with a strap-on or other toy, although this may be significantly more difficult – experiment and see what works for you!


4. 99

99

For another super simple position that will get the juices flowing, 99 relies on the sexy feeling of your partner’s body pressed against yours while you’re making love. But instead of lying down or standing up, both partners will be on their knees.

You and your partner should be sitting back-to-front, so that you must both reach past the front partner’s hips. It doesn’t matter who is giving, who is receiving, or if you’re both doing both – this position is a great way to tease and tantalize.


3. Face to Face

Face to Face

This is a super sexy position for those among us who like to watch what our partner does to us (but don’t want to miss out on the fun of making her moan). Not only do you get to watch her turn you on, but you also get to watch the faces she makes as she touches you!

You’ll be sitting face to face with your partner, with your legs draped over one another to allow for a better angle. It works easiest if neither of you is “on top” of both legs – this way your vagina will be slightly lifted from the floor or bed (if you will be penetrating). With either a double-ended dildo, two separate dildos, or your hands, go to town – nothing is off limits as long as your partner enjoys it!

Pay special attention to her face during this position, because you might see signs of pleasure you haven’t noticed before. This is great for intimacy and with the right toy it can be a supercharged experience that’s sure to ignite the fire within.


2. Magic Touch

Magic Touch

This one is for the ladies who have major finger skills – since you’ll be stimulating you and your partner simultaneously! The non-giving partner should be lying on her back, with her legs slightly spread. The other partner will climb on top and straddle her vagina. She should be able to use her fingers to rub both clits at the same time.

It’s not for the faint of heart, but with a little practice it will be one of the sexiest forms of “masturbation” in your repertoire. Not only does your partner get to watch you touch yourself, but you’re also directly stimulating her as well – talk about hot!


1. Stand and Deliver

Stand and Deliver

This position doesn’t require any special skills, tools, or any real prerequisites (except that the partner who’s going to be receiving should be able to stand). It’s the ideal position for shower sex, sex against a wall, or maybe even a quickie in the kitchen!

The receiving partner will need to stand in front of the giving partner. She’ll be most comfortable if she’s up against a wall or some other solid surface, but those who are more versed in sex standing up can even do it in the middle of a room.

The giving partner will either sit or kneel in front of her lover and provide whatever type of pleasure she wants – oral, fingering, or a toy even (or any combination). It’s pretty basic, but it can add a fun new level to your intimacy.


There are literally hundreds (if not thousands!) of amazing sex positions out there, and we are always looking out for something new and exciting. If you have something to recommend to us – don’t hesitate to drop it in the comments!

We’ll be keeping our eyes out, too – here’s hoping 2016 brings a wealth of exciting new techniques for you and your lady to master together. Take care of yourselves, and each other!


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10 Sex Positions To Try That’ll Really Heat Things Up Your 2018

As we’ve raced into 2018 full force and we’re all still recovering from NYE celebrations, it’s high time to start thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. For some of you, that might mean focusing on healthy eating, and for others, that might mean coming up with some spicy new ways to get your freak on. If you’re in the market for a few new sex positions to try in 2018, then you have certainly come to the right place.


10. Joystick

Joystick

This position offers the excitement of a new routine (and even props!) without forcing you to buy anything special. You can use any chair you have, as long as it’s big enough to seat both of you comfortably. (You will be on top of one another, so it doesn’t have to be anything giant.)

The partner who will be giving the pleasure will be seated in the chair, with one foot in front of her (so that her knee is propped up – see picture for clarification). The other partner will climb on top of the upright leg and begin to rub herself against it. She can lift her lover’s leg in order to maneuver things better, or she can just let the bottom partner take control.

This isn’t the sort of routine that will make your everyday routine, but if you’re looking to experiment with tribadism this is a good power position to try.


9. Rocking Horse

Rocking Horse

This position involves a strap-on, but the especially acrobatic can try it with a double-sided toy as well. The partner who is receiving will lie on her back with her legs in the air. At this point, the giving partner (wearing a strap-on) will slide herself under the legs of her lover and penetrate her with the toy.

If the partner wearing the strap-on wants to get a little deeper, all she has to do is lean forward. You can also consider caressing each other’s bodies, as you will be facing each other. To experience a tighter fit with the toy, the receiving partner can try putting both of her legs on the same shoulder. No matter how you mix it up, this position is sure to please!


8. Major Inspiration

Major inspiration

Okay, I’ll admit… I’m a bit of a watcher. Particularly when it comes to oral sex. I can’t help myself – I love to see the face of a woman enjoying herself. This position is perfect for that, as the receiving partner will prop herself up with a few pillows so she’s got a good angle to observe from.

Even if you’re not into watching, this position is great because the arched position of the back leads to stronger, greater orgasms – it’s science!


7. The Spoon

Spoons

This has been a personal favorite of mine for a very long time, because it offers the warmth and closeness of cuddling with the undeniable pleasure of… Well, getting laid! While you’re spooning your girlfriend, the “big spoon” will simply reach around to the front and start fondling and caressing as she desires.

If you want to spice it up even further, you can get a toy involved in the action – once the “little spoon” is nice and wet, the “big spoon” can scoot back a touch and slide in her favorite toy. This might be easier if the “little spoon” pivots her hips a bit to put her bum into the air. For those who enjoy deep penetration, the pleasure you get from this particular position is incredible.


6. Above Below

 

This happens to be one of my personal favorites, and for good reason. It’s different enough to add excitement without being difficult – and it definitely has potential to turn into a super sexy experience.

One partner should be lying on her stomach. Optionally, she can position a pillow underneath her hips and rub herself against it as she becomes more aroused. The other partner will lay on top of her so that she can rub up against her partner’s bum – while she offers a helping hand to her lover underneath, of course!

Once you get the hang of this one, you should both be able to climax – maybe even simultaneously! But there are no rules here. The partner on bottom can be stimulated however you desire, and if you’re keen on penetration, it’s especially divine.


5. Skin Deep

Skin deep

This foreplay position is a great when you want to take your partner by surprise. (Please make sure that she is OK with surprise sex first!) The partner who will be seducing the other will come up behind her while she is standing and start caressing in order to warm things up. Of course, this doesn’t have to stay one-sided for very long! Once the receiving partner is thoroughly aroused, she may decide to reach her hand back and stimulate the giver as well.

If your partner is into the idea, you can even consider penetrating her from behind with a strap-on or other toy, although this may be significantly more difficult – experiment and see what works for you!


4. 99

99

For another super simple position that will get the juices flowing, 99 relies on the sexy feeling of your partner’s body pressed against yours while you’re making love. But instead of lying down or standing up, both partners will be on their knees.

You and your partner should be sitting back-to-front, so that you must both reach past the front partner’s hips. It doesn’t matter who is giving, who is receiving, or if you’re both doing both – this position is a great way to tease and tantalize.


3. Face to Face

Face to Face

This is a super sexy position for those among us who like to watch what our partner does to us (but don’t want to miss out on the fun of making her moan). Not only do you get to watch her turn you on, but you also get to watch the faces she makes as she touches you!

You’ll be sitting face to face with your partner, with your legs draped over one another to allow for a better angle. It works easiest if neither of you is “on top” of both legs – this way your vagina will be slightly lifted from the floor or bed (if you will be penetrating). With either a double-ended dildo, two separate dildos, or your hands, go to town – nothing is off limits as long as your partner enjoys it!

Pay special attention to her face during this position, because you might see signs of pleasure you haven’t noticed before. This is great for intimacy and with the right toy it can be a supercharged experience that’s sure to ignite the fire within.


2. Magic Touch

Magic Touch

This one is for the ladies who have major finger skills – since you’ll be stimulating you and your partner simultaneously! The non-giving partner should be lying on her back, with her legs slightly spread. The other partner will climb on top and straddle her vagina. She should be able to use her fingers to rub both clits at the same time.

It’s not for the faint of heart, but with a little practice it will be one of the sexiest forms of “masturbation” in your repertoire. Not only does your partner get to watch you touch yourself, but you’re also directly stimulating her as well – talk about hot!


1. Stand and Deliver

Stand and Deliver

This position doesn’t require any special skills, tools, or any real prerequisites (except that the partner who’s going to be receiving should be able to stand). It’s the ideal position for shower sex, sex against a wall, or maybe even a quickie in the kitchen!

The receiving partner will need to stand in front of the giving partner. She’ll be most comfortable if she’s up against a wall or some other solid surface, but those who are more versed in sex standing up can even do it in the middle of a room.

The giving partner will either sit or kneel in front of her lover and provide whatever type of pleasure she wants – oral, fingering, or a toy even (or any combination). It’s pretty basic, but it can add a fun new level to your intimacy.


There are literally hundreds (if not thousands!) of amazing sex positions out there, and we are always looking out for something new and exciting. If you have something to recommend to us – don’t hesitate to drop it in the comments!

We’ll be keeping our eyes out, too – here’s hoping 2016 brings a wealth of exciting new techniques for you and your lady to master together. Take care of yourselves, and each other!


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What Will Sex Be Like in the Future?

On one hand, sex has stayed the same since the beginning of time – after all, male and female bodies haven’t really changed, so neither has the process of procreating.

On the other hand, sex is changing rapidly all the time thanks to the advent of sex toys, dental dams, lube, and evolving attitudes about sexuality. Ten years ago, Virtual Reality was pure science fiction, Tinder was just a word meaning “kindling for a fire,” and polyamory sounds like a fake Scrabble word.

Recently, Bustle sat down with some sexologists to discuss the future of sex, which could include everything from sex robots to true orgasm equality. Here’s what they found.


VR sex will be a thing.

VR porn is already taking off in popularity, but soon, according to the VR company CroatiaTech.com, people will be able to hook themselves up to machines and simulate long-distance sex. They’ll even be able to feel each other.


Way more people will be using sex toys.

Right now, vibrators, dildos and kegel balls are something we giggle when we talk about – they’re things we’d hesitate to put in any bag that a TSA agent will touch, and something we’d die if our parents knew we had. But the CEO of Unbound theorizes that soon, sex toys will be as normal as a toothbrush.


Polyamory will rise.

According to an O.school sex educator, the percentage of 18- to 24-year-olds who identify as polyamorous is rising every day. She speculates that in 10 years, monogamy won’t necessarily be the default.


Queer will be the new normal.

Historic numbers of millennials are identifying as LGBTQIA, and even as labels that didn’t exist ten years ago. Ten years from now, that percentage will only rise, and sexual fluidity will be far more accepted than it is now.

What do you think will be the future of sex?

People Look For Hookups More In Summer, Study Says

Fall is for dates at pumpkin patches. In winter, you need someone to cuddle with. Spring is the season of blossoming love.

But summer? Summer is for sex.

Hey, it’s science.

OKCupid recently released their analysis from a study of 18 million active users. Over the course of years, from 2013 to 2016, they tracked users’ answers to the question, “About how long do you want your next relationship to last?”

Users could answer, “One night,” “A few months to a year,” “Several years,” or even “The rest of my life.”

They found that in April, May and June, there is a 17% increase in people looking for one-night stands, on average. In June alone, 33% more people look for a one-night stand, as compared to the other eleven months.

The inverse is slightly true. From January to March, there is a 2% increase in people looking for longer relationships of “a few months to a year.” The cold is for commitment and cuddling.

But the steep drive toward hookups in June is too dramatic to overlook. Why does it exist? Their data scientists have posited some theories.

  1. People travel more during the summer, and when you’re only in a place for a short period of time, you’ll only want someone while you’re there. You might not find your true love while you’re on a weekend trip to Vegas, but you might find a girl who looks great on your arm.
  2. People wear fewer clothes in the spring and summer, making them more uninhibited. I mean, a one night stand is technically much easier if you only have a bikini to work through, as opposed to a parka.
  3. Now that it’s warm out, people are more likely to venture out of doors and brave public spaces like clubs and pools and sex parties.

Read the rest of the study here, and then start polishing your pickup lines.

4 Signs Porn Is Damaging Your Relationship with Your Girlfriend

“Why do I watch porn? It’s like, sometimes you want to go out to brunch with friends and all drink mimosas together. And sometimes you just want to have a glass of wine in bed by yourself.” – Maxine, The Carmichael Show.

It seems like just about everyone watches porn. Even straight women love lesbian porn. Like, they love it a lot. But is porn getting in the way of your romantic relationship with your girlfriend? Keep an eye out for the warning signs.

1. You prefer porn instead of your girlfriend.

Why do people like porn? It’s convenient, it’s free, it’s sexy, it’s adventurous and, let’s say, it does the job.

In comparison, sex is messy. Complicated. Dirty. Sometimes unsatisfying. And if you’re not into it, you can’t just switch partners like you would switch a porn video.

So it makes sense that you’d prefer porn sometimes. But if you run to your favorite websites before you run to your girlfriend, that’s going to drive a wedge in the relationship.

2. You want your girlfriend to act like a pornstar.

Pornstars are professionals with perfect, sometimes extremely flexible, bodies. Making porn is their full-time profession – that’s why they’re a star. Your girlfriend, as wonderful as she is, can probably not do all of the things that a pornstar can do.

3. You expect your girlfriend to have sex all the time, anytime.

What’s the best part about porn? Well, it’s free. But what’s the second best part? It’s on-demand. Whenever you’re feeling risqué, there are millions of videos available.

In real life, sex is not nearly as readily available, unless you spend every night at a sex party. Your girlfriend just won’t want to have sex sometimes. Sometimes she’ll be on her period. Sometimes she just won’t be in the mood. If you find yourself resenting her for that, take a step back.

4. You use porn to spite your girlfriend.

When your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex, it’s tempting to load up your laptop instead. And that’s not always bad, as long as she’s okay with you looking at porn. But don’t do this all the time. It sets the precedent that if she won’t give you what you want, you’ll find sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which will just put more distance between you two.

Instead, when your girlfriend isn’t in the mood, talk to her. Do something relaxing like watch TV together. Cook for her. There are 1,000,000 ways to be intimate with someone, and most of them aren’t “sex.”

And talk to your girlfriend about why she isn’t in the mood. Maybe she’s been feeling stressed lately, or maybe she’s been feeling like she can never measure up to the women in the videos.

But remember, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship, porn isn’t all bad. In fact, you and your girlfriend can actually learn a few things from it.

Science Says Women Who Fake It During Sex Are More Likely To Be Unfaithful

According to Dr RM Ellsworth – from the Department of Anthropology, University of Missouri – women who fake an orgasm are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners.

In a study, the research team created a questionnaire and asked 138 women and 121 men currently in a romantic relationship to contribute to it.

They were asked about their sexual activity and whether or not they have cheated in the past.

Results found that the frequency of orgasm in women was not connected to fidelity.

Instead, infidelity was associated with women who frequently lied about experiencing an orgasm.

According to the study:

Faked orgasm was associated with female sexual infidelity and lower male relationship satisfaction.

Overall, results were in greater support of the sire choice signalling hypothesis than the female fidelity hypothesis.

Here’s Why An Open Relationship Is Actually Good For You, According to Science

A lot of people spend their time worrying whether or not their sexual desires and practices fit in with what society deems “normal.”

Well, fret not my friends, because that’s a hot load of garbage.

Some of the allegedly “taboo” sex acts society savagely judges and looks down upon are actually really, really good for your relationships and mental health, and the ones labeled “normal” are the ones that, well, kinda suck.

Most people frown upon polyamory, but little do they know that couples who are in open relationships are way, way happier, and more fulfilled than the naysayers. If honestly and openly dating more than one person at a time is your cup of tea, this pertains to you.

As we all know, one of the secret ingredients to a successful relationship is communication, which is where a lot of traditional couples fall short.

Polyamorous couples have a relationship built on honesty, trust, and obviously, openness, so there is no lying or sneaking around. Unlike cheating monogamous people.

If polyamorous Cindy really hits it off with polyamorous Stacie, she talks about it with her girlfriend, polyamorous Barbie, who is also dating polyamorous Ken at the same time. Barbie is okay with Stacie, Cindy is okay with Todd, and everyone is happy.

And now a new study is backing up this theory.

Researchers at the University of Michigan, analysed different relationships among participants older than age 25. The sample included more than 2,100 people, with about 1,500 individuals in monogamous relationships and around 600 in committed non-monogamous relationships.

The group rated relationship components: satisfaction, commitment, trust, jealousy and passionate love, which is the intense love feeling often described in new relationships.

Researchers found no differences between monogamous and consensual open participants in terms of satisfaction and passionate love.

However, levels of jealousy were lower and trust was higher among those engaged in committed open relationships.

The researchers also tackled the assumption that people in open relationships don’t care about each other enough to be happy in their primary relationship.

The team found that an individual had more satisfaction, trust, commitment and passionate love in their primary mate than in their secondary relationship.

Lead author Dr Terri Conley, an associate professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Michigan; said

On the other hand, people in open relationships were significantly less satisfied and less committed to their relationship than their monogamous counterparts.

Overall, the outcomes for monogamous and consensual non-monogamous participants were the same – indicating no net benefit of one relationship style over another.”

 

Science Says This Why Kinky Sex Feels So Good

So here’s a thing, it turns out that kinky sex you’ve been having with your bea can do a lot more than get you off — it can actually help relieve stress.

Yep, its official, kinky sex is good for you. A new study conducted by researchers over at Northern Illinois University found that BDSM sex (you know, “50 Shades” style bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism) works to increase mindfulness, a hyper awareness and acceptance of the current moment.

When the researchers looked at people engaging in BDSM-style sex, they noticed that they were regularly entering a “flow state” of mindfulness, which is apparently the same mental state athletes get into when they’re “in the zone.”

The study’s lead author, Brad Sagarin, Ph.D., explains:

Flow is an enjoyable and pleasurable state that people get into when they are performing an activity that requires a high level of skill. It’s a state in which the rest of the world kind of fades away and somebody is concentrating very intensely only on what they are doing.”

And guess what else? Kink is waaay more common than you’d expect, with research showing that about half of all people have had some kind of freaky sex at some point, and a whopping 84% saying they’d like a little more kink in their lives.

So, now that we’ve established that kink is awesome and people love it, here’s the real question: Why do people love BDSM so much? What is it about handcuffs, nipple clamps, and even leashes that’s so endearing? Hmmm…

According to a highly informative article on the wild world of BDSM by Broadly, indulging in some kinky Fifty Shades-style sex takes your brain to a magical, otherworldly, pleasure-induced place called “subspace.”

If you’ve ever had kinky sex, you already know what this subspace feels like, and you know that it’s goddamn amazing. But in case you haven’t, it’s a “floaty” or “high” feeling that comes from the huge rush of endorphins that floods your body, courtesy of the sheer pleasure of living out your freakiest fantasies.

Professional dominatrix Maitresse Madeline Marlowe told Broadly.

For all of us, endorphins bind to opiate receptors to naturally relieve pain. Since BDSM play can include power exchange and masochistic acts, endorphins are one of the most common neurotransmitters [produced].”

BDSM play sometimes hurts, but in conjunction with something that feels as amazing as sex, that pain turns into pleasure. Besides, you know what they say: pleasure is the child of pain.

Science of BDSM researcher Kathryn Klement also told Broadly.

Like many potentially stressful or extreme experiences (e.g., sky-diving, fire-walking), individuals’ bodies react to that stress when they engage in BDSM.

We interpret these cortisol results to mean that when people engage in BDSM play (as the receiver of sensations) or extreme rituals, their bodies release a hormone usually associated with stress. However, we’ve also found that people subjectively report their psychological stress decreasing, so there is a disconnect between what the body is experiencing, and what the individual is perceiving.”

In layman’s terms, kinky sex is physically stressful, and your body freaks out a little, which cause your adrenals to release the stress hormone, cortisol, to compensate.

Normally, stressful situations where cortisol floods your body puts you into “fight or flight” mode, which is what happens if you were about get attacked by a pit bull or something.

As you might guess, this stress response is very useful, but doesn’t feel very good, considering your brain automatically thinks you’re in serious danger.

With BDSM, however, you still get that same stress response physically, but your psychological stress decreases, so what you’re left with is a delicious, feel-good cocktail of endorphins, all without your brain telling you you’re about to die. This is what makes you feel floaty and downright wonderful. Sounds good, huh?

And to think you were wasting all of your money on yoga, meditation classes and herbal tea, when really, all you needed was some good, adventurous lovemaking to relieve your stress.

‘What’s In Your Box?’ Subscription Service Helps Women Have Better Sex

Vaginas are awesome.

But even though vaginas are so awesome, people who have them aren’t taught to be proud of them. Women, non/abinary people and trans* men who have vaginas are taught from a young age to hide them.

Just think back to your elementary school textbooks – how many dicks were drawn on the pages? Probably a lot. But if you’d tried to draw a vagina, you would have been hauled to the principal’s office for obscenity.

Penises indicate strength, while vaginas indicate weakness – being called a p*ssy is an insult. And let’s not start with the double-standard between men and women regarding sexual promiscuity.

The new subscription service What’s In Your Box? is changing all of that. According to the official website, this monthly subscription box is “a social movement opening the dialogue around women’s sexual health to empower all women to explore their bodies freely without stigma or shame.”

A new box arrives at your doorstep each month. Each box includes five product samples that cater to sexual health, pleasure, hygiene, education and pride.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BSjHAntlebA/?taken-by=whatsinyourbox_

Christine Long founded the company when she became frustrated as a young woman in her twenties. She says,

I was inspired to start WIYB after my own personal run-in with STIs, which caused me to feel a lot of shame around my body and sexuality. As a young woman in her 20s wanting to explore sex, I felt there were no reliable brands or resources I could turn to that would help me take charge of my sexual health.”

WYIB aims to be affordable so as not to cater to just one demographic. Subscriptions start at $15 a month for a 3-month plan and go up to $18 for a month-to-month plan, although the contents of each box are worth up to $50.

So what can you expect to find in your surprise box? Each includes toys, washes, lubricants, condoms, dental dams, lingerie, stickers, diagrams, and more.

Get your own box for your box at the official site.

Why You Deserve A Professional Lesbian Massage (and How to Get One)

There’s nothing like a nice, relaxing massage. After all, being queer is hard work – we’ve got endless flannel shirts to wash and carabiners to organize – and having someone else massage the stress away feels incredible. The right massage can erase years of tension with a little baby oil.

Massages just got better. And a whole lot sexier.

Lesbian tantra massages are an ancient practice that dates back to the year 400 A.D., according to tantric masseuse Erica, who runs Karma Tantric in the UK. Tantric massage is the “ritual by which you liberate or separate two aspects of consciousness and female divine body.” It “stimulates total undoubted release of the body and mind between a female masseuse and her female client.”

If you’re new to tantric massage, it’s not for kids. Tantric massages view sexuality as just an extension of the relaxation process.

Masseuses are just as likely to rub between your shoulder blades as they are to rub between your legs. They’re popular among couples who want to bring spirituality and intimacy into their sex lives, because it’s said to promote spiritual bonding.

Tantric lesbian massages are even better than heterosexual ones. One of Erica’s clients called it “a session of feminine discovery and erotic pleasure in authentic magical tantric energy.” A little over the top? Maybe. Hot? Definitely.

You don’t have to be a lesbian to enjoy this. Many of her clients identify as straight women who just prefer to get erotic arousal and spiritual bonding from female hands.

Even if you’re interested, you might feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of a stranger’s hands all over (and potentially in) your body. Erica says that if you’re interested at all, “it’s safe to say there’s a subconscious interest there. We very rarely dislike the things we crave passionately, after all, if you like the idea of it, you will probably love the real physical and erotically enchanting touch of another female.”

Read the rest of Erica’s interview here and search for a lesbian tantric massage near you.

Why Faking Orgasms Is Hurting Your Relationship

At some point or another, we’ve all faked it in bed.

We’ve faked moans, we’ve faked intensity or maybe we’ve faked the entire orgasm. After all, we don’t want to hurt our partners’ feelings, and making them think that they’re amazing in bed is the best way to spare them. Right? (Wrong.)

According to YourTango, here are the most common reasons queer women fake orgasms:

  • “I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
  • “I don’t really like what she’s doing, but I don’t know how (or am too shy) to tell her or show her what I do like.”
  • “I’m ready to stop having sex, but she’ll feel bad if she knows I didn’t come.”
  • “I want her to like me and think I’m hot.”
  • “She’s doing all the right things, so I should be turned on. There must be something wrong with me (and I don’t want her to find out.)”
  • “She’s been working so hard down there, I think she must be tired. I need to fake it to take care of her.”
  • “I feel insecure about how long it takes me to come.”
  • “I really didn’t feel like having sex right now in the first place.”
  • “I’m not really attracted to her, but I thought maybe it would feel different once we got into bed!”

But think about it. Would you like it if you found out that your partner had been faking it? How would you feel? Probably a little disappointed in them and yourself, and maybe even a bit humiliated. If they had just told you what you were doing wrong, you would have fixed it! After all, sex should be about the pleasure of both people.

Give your partner the same courtesy.

If something just isn’t working, let them know. I know it’s nerve-wracking to be vulnerable. How do you say, “I like you but I don’t like what you’re doing,” when they’ve already seen the most intimate parts of you?

If you’re just not into sex at all that day, then it’s especially hard to communicate, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not really in the mood anymore.” It might seem easier to just fake it and get it over with.

But if you’re not honest with your partner, your intimacy will suffer. The longer you go without telling them what you want in bed, the more difficult it will become – how do you explain after two years that they’ve never actually made you come?

Being honest, and encouraging honesty in your partner, is the first step to true intimacy.

Now how do you actually go about doing it? Check out Conscious Girlfriend for more information.

This Expensive Club Lets Straight Girls Be Lesbians For One Night

Wouldn’t it be great to have all of the joys of being a lesbian without, y’know, actually being a lesbian?

That’s the idea driving Skirt Club, a new lesbian sex club that caters to women who enjoy lesbian sex but who identify as heterosexual (or, if there’s a tiny bit open-minded, bicurious).

This all-girl orgy allows women to experiment with their sexuality away from the prying eyes of men, which was a major complaint of many attendees – most of them had attended sex parties organized by men, where the male gaze kept them from feeling completely comfortable. Nothing ruins the mood like a man trying to insert himself into the mix (literally) when you’re trying to kiss a cute girl.

Some straight women felt like frauds when they attended lesbian sex parties, because they felt like they were leading on queer women who may have wanted a relationship. Despite their attraction to women – and some Skirt Clubbers say that they’ve been attracted to women for a long time – they identify as staunchly heterosexual, and the idea of dating a woman is inconceivable.

The application process to apply to the Skirt Club is extensive and includes a mandatory ful-body photo. The party founder, Genevieve LeJeune, aims to build a “femme membership” of women, and she has to approve of your appearance before you are allowed access. Wouldn’t want any pesky masculine-of-center women to complicate things, right? Only attractive femme women ages 21-49 are allowed.

The application also includes a space for divulging your career details, and the party comes at a hefty fee of $180 a night. Why? To “weed out women who don’t have high-income careers.”

If you’re keeping track, this party is only for wealthy, young, attractive “straight” women who want to be lesbians for a night.

Is this inherently problematic? No. After all, LeJeune has the right to create any type of party she likes and for any audience. But if the women who attend truly want to explore their sexuality, then they might want to look past this homogenous, self-selective group.

This Vibrator Syncs to Audiobooks

When it comes to sex toys, the crazier the better.

That seems to be the motto of Vibease, who specializes in creating vibrators to fill needs that you didn’t know you had. Who knew that you couldn’t truly appreciate the literary qualities of Fifty Shades of Grey, without actually feeling physical sexual stimulation?

The Vibease Wearable Smart Vibrator isn’t as “smart” as it is eclectic. This little thing does so much. For example, it lets your partner control it by playing with a dot on the screen.

It also syncs to your favorite sounds. Yes, not just songs, but sounds. That means you can set it to sync to a podcast – next time you’re listening to Hamilton the Podcast, use this vibrator for the full experience. You can even set the vibrator to pulse along to special recordings, so you’ll never need to leave a normal voicemail again.

But the vibrator’s most unique function is its audiobook functionality.

It calls itself “the vibrator that brings Fifty Shades of Grey to life.” Each erotic story in its collection affects the vibration in different ways. During a gently erotic story, the vibrator may just pulse slightly. During a hardcore erotic story, the vibrator may rattle. This is a whole new way to be immersed in a story. Each story is about 10-20 minutes.

The downside? Well, the vibrator stops whenever characters stop having sex in the story, so you might find yourself frustratingly edging as you skip ahead from 30-second sex scene to 30-second sex scene.

And the jury is still out on whether its lesbian erotic content adequately meets the needs of its queer female readers. The vast majority of the available stories feature shirtless men with six-packs staring moodily into the distance. If that’s your kink, then you’ll be right at home.

But if you’re an avid reader, head to the Vibease Fantasy Erotica page for a truly stimulating literary experience.

Can You Make Your Best Friend Climax Without Touching Her?

Whether you’ve had a crush on your best friend for ten years or whether you two are strictly platonic, you can take your friendship to the next level by giving each other hands-free orgasms. How? With these adorable joint vibrators.

The Sync vibrators are technically made for couples, but female best friends have been using them for a little bit of platonically erotic play. Give this trend a try for yourself.

Step one. Get these matching vibrators with your best friend. Very cute, right? They come in a rainbow of colors.

Step two. Sync your best friend’s vibrator to your phone and vice versa using this app.

Step three. Let go of your fears. You’re doing this.

Step four. Have your best friend insert the vibrator into herself.

Step five. Use the app on your phone to control her vibrator. With her pleasure in your hands, you can make the vibrator go slower, deeper, harder, better, faster, stronger.

The vibrator comes with ten different settings: low, medium, high, ultra, pulse, wave, echo, tide, crest and surf.

With the app’s Beat mode, you can sync the vibrator’s pulsations to music. With the app’s Touch mode, you can control her pleasure with your fingertips.

Best of all, the synched vibrators work from anywhere, so if you and your best friend are too embarrassed to be in the same place, use the app when you’re in separate apartments. Or if you miss your long-distance bestie and want to feel close to her across the ocean, these vibrators are a unique way to keep in touch (without physical touch).

If you’re really adventurous, then insert the small vibrator before you’re about to run errands and tell your bff to surprise you throughout the day.

Of course, you can obviously use these vibrators with your girlfriend – they’re called couple’s vibrators for a reason. But if you’re single or if you just enjoy queerplatonic fun, then why don’t you mix things up and let your best friend control your pleasure?

Get your own at the official website.

 

When Does A Lesbian Lose Her Virginity?

Some women remember the exact moment that they lost their virginity. For some, it was magical. For others, humiliating. For still others, underwhelming or overwhelming or boring.

But for women who sleep with women…many of us aren’t even sure when we lost our virginity.

Everyone has a different opinion of cisgender lesbian sex, because it doesn’t involve penetration with a penis. So what counts as sex? Is it oral? Finger-to-genital touching? Your first orgasm? Do you have to be penetrated with something, even a finger, for it to “count”?

If you’re distressed about whether you’ve actually lost your virginity, don’t be. First, the concept of “virginity” changes based on whom you talk to, even when you’re talking about penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex.

Ancient Greeks thought that when a woman had a penis inserted into her for the first time, her throat would permanently grow bigger. Sometimes they determined virginity by the size of a woman’s throat.

More recently, the Kinsey Institute ran a study that showed that 18% of men over the age of sixty believe that PIV sex isn’t sex as long as the man wears a condom. Sex is for procreation, or it isn’t sex.

The same study found that “less than 25 percent of participants considered oral genital behavior to be having sex, more than 60 percent thought that the giver or receiver of oral sex was a sexual partner, and more than 97 percent considered a partner who had oral sex with someone else to be have been unfaithful.” So oral sex isn’t sex, but if you have oral sex then that person is a sexual partner, and oral sex is enough sex to be considered adultery. So it’s simultaneously sex and not sex?

So what does all of this mean? Basically, it means that the definition of sex and virginity are always changing. Always. Sex is whatever you believe it to be. And anyone who believes they have the definitive definition of sex is just kidding themselves.

The exact moment you lost your virginity is whatever moment you think it is. Maybe it’s the first time you went down on a girl. Maybe it’s the first time a girl touched you beneath your bra. Maybe it’s the first time you let your girlfriend use a dildo.

It’s completely up to you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now, just make sure that you do it safely.

5 Types Of Foods That Will Help Vaginal Health And Boost Your Sex Life

Preparing for a night of passion with your boo is more than just waxing, showering and smelling nice. A healthy vagina is as important as a healthy sex life and these foods can help keep your vagina healthy and well, which of course will boost your sex life too. So, if you know you might be getting lucky between the sheets quite soon, follow our one day eating plan to keep everything it top condition.

Drinks Throughout the Day

Start your day off with some cranberry juice. Cranberries are great for keeping UTI’s at bay due to the bacteria fighting oxidants they contain. Don’t have more than 2 glasses though as the sugar content is quite high.

Green tea is also good for decreasing bacteria as it contains catechins and be sure to also drink plenty of water as water flushes out impurities in the body.

Breakfast

Greek Yogurt and Banana is what’s needed here. Greek yogurt has live cultures which kill off yeast infections and it helps to keep the PH balance correct in your vagina as well. Greek yogurt also contains probiotics which will take away any bloated feelings and the bananas are full of potassium which offsets sodium into the body, therefore helping to keep your tummy flatter too.

Lunch

Salmon, green salad and sweet potatoes is the perfect combination, not only because it tastes just great but because the properties in these foods will work wonders for your sexual health.

Salmon is full of omega-3 fatty acids which helps improve circulation, therefore keeping you supple. Fatty acids also keep blood flow consistent to your sex organs which will help enhance your sex life and help with lubrication.

Sweet potatoes are full of vitamin A which helps generate hormones for energy and also helps with sex drive too. The green salad is also good for circulation which helps to increase stimulation and arousal.

Snack

An apple and handful of almonds will not only keep you from feeling hungry but will also help your sex drive and lady parts out too. Apples contain phloridzin which mimics the female sex hormone estradiol and vitamin E is aplenty in almonds which are full of hydrating properties. No vaginal dryness happening to you with a handful of these nuts, that’s for sure.

Dinner

Sushi is the best meal to have for your dinner. Have a tuna and avocado roll as the omega 3 and the B6 is great for libido. The miso and edamame will help with lubrication and wasabi is an aphrodisiac which will help get you in the mood. For dessert enjoy a light dark chocolate mousse. Dark chocolate contains dopamine which is a feel good chemical, ensuring that you will be in a great mood to enjoy your night of passion later.


Why Your Sex Life Will Improve At 30

So many women complain that they have never had an orgasm from their partner’s finger or a dildo and have actually said out loud that perhaps the G-spot simply doesn’t exist. But it does. However, we only become aware of how to achieve an orgasm through penetration only, or how to relax enough to come, through self-awareness and confidence, both of which also come with maturity.

We all know the clit is the only way to shudder, right? Wrong. The G-spot does exist, orgasms can be achieved with your boo’s finger or a dildo, but, it’s most likely to happen when you have reached these pivotal points in your life and not before. As we mature we go on a learning curve and that includes learning how to have good sex. Here are some reasons why your sex life will improve when you hit your 30’s.

You’ll Learn to Position Yourself Correctly

Seriously, this is true. As the years pass we learn new things and this includes new things about our bodies. By the time you are 30 you will know exactly how to be positioned during sex to ensure that orgasm happens, even during penetrative sex. Women gain more confidence as they get older and this means you won’t feel so insecure shifting around, moving your hips or elevating your legs to ensure the spot is hit. It’s an age and experience thing, honestly.

You Won’t Hate Your Body

We don’t mean that the second after you hit 30 you’ll no longer have any insecurities, of course you will, but, they will not be so important to you. It’s all about our prospective of self-image. We start exercising more as we get older, we will try more things to combat aging and we tend to have more meaningful relationships with partner’s that make us feel good about ourselves. So, we begin to develop more self-confidence and realise that it doesn’t matter if we have a few wobbly bits, we know we still look quite hot. When you reach this point you’ll not spend the whole time during sex worrying about how you look. You’ll relax more and learn to embrace the moment and enjoy it.

You Will Become More Open-minded in the Bedroom

In our 20’s the thought of being handcuffed to the bed post, dressing up or becoming submissive can send us into a complete state of panic. But when you get older, it won’t. As you become more relaxed and confident as you age, you will become more open to experimental fun in the bedroom which will lead you to discover new sensations and find new turn-on’s. You will go past the point of worrying that you look stupid or you’re not doing it right and you’ll immerse yourself completely into experimentation, most of which would have horrified you ten years ago.

You’ll Only Fuck Girls That Treat You Well

How many of us can put our hands up and confess we’ve slept with some right bitches, simply because they showed us a bit of attention? Well, you will eventually get to the point when you don’t need flattery from some cow to make you feel good about yourself. You’ll only sleep with people that show you respect and treat you with respect, all of which will help you grow as a person and learn that you deserve the best, not a few hours of sex from a person that doesn’t care about you at all.

You’ll Have More Sober Sex

Most of us party during our late teens and twenties. It’s a fact. This means lots of the sex we have is a drunken, meaningless fumble that we can barely remember. Not the best way to learn what we like and what we don’t like in the bedroom and not great when we wake up in the morning and can barely remember what we did the night before. You won’t participate in this kind of behaviour by the time you reach 30. You’re likely to be slightly more responsible and not see the point in wasting your money on getting pissed and hooking up with someone for a one night stand.

You Will Only Sleep with Women That Rock Your Boat

A number of women will sleep with someone because they feel they ‘have to’ not because they actually want to. Trust us, you will stop doing that. Eventually you will decide yourself whether you find someone attractive enough to want to have sex with them or not. Just because you went on a nice date and had fun doesn’t mean you owe her anything and you will get to the point that you feel confident enough not to feel like you owe anyone anything.


Straight Women Get Frank About Having Lesbian Fantasies

YouTube vlogger Arielle Scarcella has brought together a group of straight women to discuss their relationship with lesbian fantasy and the spectrum of human sexuality.

If we didn’t have all of this external bullshit making us think that we have to be a certain way… [people] would not be afraid to explore things like that.”

Yes, You Can Have Sex On Your Period (And It’s Awesome)

Period sex.

What was your first thought? Many people are disgusted at the thought. But why?

Women are taught to be ashamed of periods – we squirrel away our tampons so that male friends don’t see them, we keep quiet about our cramps and we swear that we don’t have PMS.

Being a queer woman has its advantages. For one, your girlfriend understands periods. That means that when you ask your her to pick up more pads, she doesn’t wrinkle her nose, and when you discover her period blood on the sheets, you wash them without asking questions.

Still, even some queer women get queasy at the thought of period sex. Here’s why you should give it a second thought.

Do you have cramps? Sex will alleviate that.

Orgasms are nature’s Tylenol. When you’re cramping, you could pop a handful of pills and hope for the best…or you could have an orgasm.be a natural pain reliever. Sex makes more blood flow to your uterus and releases endorphins that tell your brain that you are

Sex is a natural pain reliever. Sex makes more blood flow to your uterus and releases endorphins that tell your brain that you are very happy.

Obviously, sex doesn’t always mean penetration, so feel free to forgo a dildo. If you’re not yet comfortable with your partner being around you, stimulate yourself. But if you are comfortable, don’t be afraid to experiment.

It’s kinky.

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, you’ll eventually need to try new things in the bedroom, and some of them will be very kinky.

If you think about it, sex is already dirty – why else would they call it “dirty talk”? Plus, sex involves a lot of fluid exchange between a lot of “unclean” places already. You might as well change things up a bit; maybe bloodplay is for you.

It asserts that the female body is beautiful.

Society says that periods are dirty. Society also says a lot of really wrong things, like “Women should be submissive and chaste” and “Donald Trump should be president” and “Transgender women aren’t women.” By embracing your body when you’re on your period, you’re kicking the patriarchy in the face.

You own your body. You are proud of it. You will not let men dictate when you can and cannot have sexual pleasure.

Check out this article or this one for more about having sex on your period.

Things Every Queer Woman Should Know Before Buying A Sex Toy

What comes to your mind when thinking of sex toys?

My previous (imagined) experience would include images of tacky, badly photoshopped, even vulgar sex shop webpages with funny product names that sometimes I like to call to my partner’s cat with because they’re small, cute, and like to interfere, like a butt plug (I’m terrible at making jokes, I know, and I do apologize for the effort).

I grew up in a quite sheltered environment, so I know how weird and shameful it might feel the first time when you sneak a few peaks online – let alone visit a sex shop irl – even if, as a queer person, you think you’ve overcome all your internalized shaming when it comes to body, gender and sexuality.

I was lucky enough to be with a friend who didn’t have any of this internalized bullshit, and was also much better educated than me on the matters of silicone friends and jelly companions.

She introduced me to LoveHoney from which I ordered my first goodies – in value-for-money prices, quick delivery, high quality and very discreet packaging. It’s a website I really do recommend, even without getting anything out of promote it because, as my friend thought too, I think that everyone deserves a good, affordable, quality sex life, and sex toys really can help discover what your body likes, spend some bonding time with yourself, or explore further hidden pleasure islands with your sexy times partner.

There are all different kinds of sex toys – and sex shops – out there, willing to fulfill all your different needs and fantasies. Of course, some of them are more queer friendly than others, but what most of us can agree is that, the majority of marketing, advertising, and toy production, is still wrapped in normalized hetero – and cis-normativity. Small steps are still being made towards inclusion – and accessible sexy times for all – but there still remain some issues to be addressed.

In this article, I will not speak as an expert who has visited all basement wonderlands in my country and has written a hoard of reviews online. On the contrary, what I wish to share with other newbies out there, is my young, pure, yet opposed to social constructions of virginity, experience as a fellow newbie who still hasn’t figured out what a Vac U Lock is.

I want to share with you what first grasped my attention on my short and fresh journey through google searches about sex toys for queer peepz, my first floral harness eBay order, and my first ideas of hosting an artistic exhibition with nebula-painted clone-a-pussies, what baffled me, what annoyed me, and what made me squee with sweet-summer-child excitement.


The steps already made – and all the cool stuff

When I said heteronormative, I’ll have to be honest that I expected much worse. I’m gonna stick with LoveHoney just because this was my own lived experience – and because it’s affordable enough to get anyone as indecisive as me easily started – but I’m going to share more directly queer-oriented sex shops below.

First of all, the reviews are pretty amazing. I especially love how explanatory, full of personal experience, and valuable advice the reviews are on the two impeccable rainbow dildos! People can also state their gender and sexual orientation so that the customers reading the reviews can decide how much they relate. The options are quite limited though, to male, female, and I’d rather not say, as well as straight, gay, and bi. I found that rather problematic – I chose “I’d rather not say” and “bisexual”, but when I tried to register for student discount, the options were only male and female…

Now it’s true that the variety of sex toys I came into was intense, and while I didn’t feel that a trans person would see themselves represented, the language was at least not heterosexist.

There were some great products that I wished I had infinite money to order, like the Big Box of Sexual Happiness, the chocolate orange body paint and the dick shaped food I’d love to cook for a formal family dinner one day.

But first of all, let me introduce myself, to…


The butt

Oh, all the fanfiction read under the covers, all the fantasies my upbringing told me to push away. All the fluidity of my different identities and the connotations that came with them… I finally decided to browse online and educate myself on my options. Anal can be particularly tricky – even dangerous – if not done right, so better do your research first. I’ll step away now because I’m certainly not an expert, and do not wish to misinform you on anything, but here is a handy anal guide from early2bed. Warning: some anatomical language.

Before I leave you wondering if I actually have anything to share or if I’m just gonna read some more fanfiction, I’ll show you my fave glittery alien tiny anal starter dildo. Go read the reviews. I trust they will be overly helpful for you.


The whole new world of people whose gender I do not wish to assume based on their genitals

I know that a “whole new lesbian world” is a section many people may feel like it’s lacking from the general sex toy discourse, and it is. It’s something I would be desperately looking for a couple of years ago, in the midst of heterosexist guides and advice. But right now I’d rather not use the term “lesbian”, for several reasons: not all women who love women are lesbians, not all lesbians, bi and pan women have the same anatomy and therefore the same needs, not all people who might be interested in similar products are women, let alone lesbians, and the point, in my opinion, is to start making the sex language– the language that has to do with bodily pleasure – less gendered than it already, heavily and oppressively is.

So what I’m gonna do, is redirect you to another article that you might find pretty helpful, on Cosmopolitan which has been doing admirable work in including sex-positive, explanatory and inclusive LGBT issues. Dannielle Owens-Reid and Kristin Russo share their experience on visiting Toys in Babeland, a queer-owned sex shop in Brooklyn, and also make perfectly clear that all toys can be used for all bodies and genders, with some creativity! They unbox Strap-Ons, Harnesses, Dildos, vibrating fingertips, butt plugs, and cuffing.

Also check LoveHoney for excellent range of love eggs and jiggle balls, affordable vibrators (this rubber duck is next on my list), and a wide range of Strap-Ons to use with your partner. If you are as cheap as I am, you can go on eBay for harnesses. Just be a bit creative with keywording (you might end up with sexy lacey products directed to cis gay men, but they do their work just fine) but it’s gonna cost you less than 3 euros.

Smitten Kitten is another queer-friendly online shop – with much less gendered, and more inclusive language for people of all genders and bodies. It’s slightly on the pricier side but it is value-for-money, considering just how attractive and artistic most of their products look, the fabulous pelvic exercisers, the realistic skin-tones of their sex toys, the BDSM gear, and finally, their gender expression section.

They also have a mouthwatering, heart-eye-inducing book section, with LGBTQ guides, Polyamory books, Body positive books, and adorable feminist, funny, kitsch, sex and companionship gifts.


The wall-mounted toys

Thank Cosmo and her queer majesty Lane Moore, here you can find a complete guide to wall-mounted sex toys. Riding your wall or kitchen counter can be more fun than you think, but please stay away from the fridge.


The lack of toys directed to trans women

Which is pretty self-explanatory on its own, and it’s very sad and discouraging. An extensive google search will leave you with few to no results, and certainly everyone can use the toys that already exist, but I imagine it cannot feel that welcoming to browse through a page that is misgendering you. I don’t think it would be that hard to create another page directed to the needs of binary and non-binary trans individuals, or at least to keep your products ungendered when it comes to language, colours and stereotyping imagery, in the way that Smitten Kitten does.

Early2bed has this pretty extensive guide for trans women and sex toys, written by trans artist and educator Rebecca Kling. Warning: Just keep in mind that, while it seems very helpful and offers really important information, it uses some explicit, anatomic language.


The packing

What people of the LGBTQ+ community are also looking for when browsing on online sex shops, are packers, packing underwear and harnesses. While usually it’s trans men who pack, in this well-researched and sourced Cosmo article by Lane Moore, that is also a guide to packing for all people, examples of people of all different genders and bodies who are into the habit of packing are given, either for aligning more their body image to what makes them comfortable, altering their gender expression, or feeling more at ease during sex.

If you are looking for something affordable to start with I will inevitably redirect you to LoveHoney, just because I made my first purchase there, but there are many sites directed especially to trans men and gender-non-conforming people out there, that also have a wide range of packers in different skin tones that also allow people to have sex or pee while standing.

Buck Off is another trans-directed toy, considered the world’s first sex toy for trans men, designed by trans activist and entrepreneur Buck Angel. It is specifically designed for people who are experiencing the effects of testosterone while transitioning, and the reason I’m including it is that it might not only be trans men who are in the process or transitioning and experience discomfort with their bodies, but also gender-non-conforming people who might prefer this toy for masturbation. (Warning: anatomic language used in the sites linked).


The variety

A quick google search or just an online/mouth-to-mouth conversation with people from your local community will provide you with many queer friendly-inclusive-oriented shops. Other shops I have no experience with but looked promising were Good Vibes, My Bedroom Spice, Wet For Her, and another great article on sex toys for queer folks. The main issue I think we need to keep fighting against, and urge the mainstream – both straight and queer – sex shop industry to stop doing, is the use of problematic and harmful heteronormative and cis-sexist labelling and language, so that everyone feels comfortable when shopping for their sexual wellbeing and pleasure.

Fact, Lesbians And Bi Women Are Having Much Better Sex Than Their Straight Counterparts

Researchers at American universities and the Kinsey Institute found that straight women are having the least satisfying sex out of everyone, a study has found.

After surveying more than 52,000 adults, who identify as a variety of sexual orientations, only a third of straight women said they were able to orgasm every time they had sex.

This compared to 86% of lesbians whi said they were able to orgasm every time they had sex with around two-thirds of women who identified as bisexual saying the same.

The study also found that women who were more likely to receive oral sex were more likely to orgasm, as well as be more satisfied with their relationship, ask for what they want in bed and wear sexy underwear.

The study suggests that a possible reason for lesbians having better rates of orgasm could be that women know how to please other women better.

It added that gay women were better at taking turns than straight men – meaning the likelihood of orgasm increased.

There Is A Very Common Post-Sex Problem That We Don’t Talk About Enough

If you are honest, how many times have you had an enjoyable bout of lovemaking and afterwards felt tearful, sad, anxious or agitated and not understood why?

Well, there is a reason for this. It’s called Post-coital dysphoria and a recent study showed that it affected 46% of women who took part in a survey about their feelings after sex. Denise Knowles, a sex therapist and counsellor at relationships charity Relate, told The Independent:

It’s not uncommon to feel sad after sex.  it comes down the explosion of hormones in the body after sex, including endorphins, oxytocin and prolactin. Having sex is a hugely intimate act and an orgasm releases lots of wonderful feel-good bonding hormones. Those hormones drop following the peak of an orgasm, and as you separate from the closeness that brought it about, a sense of sadness can follow.”

Apparently, it’s almost like a form of separation anxiety when we feel really close to our partner, have experienced intense feelings of joy and pleasure and then it stops. Knowles went on the say:

You go from absolute joy and pleasure to being separated. That in its own way can cause women, and some men, to feel a bit sad. But it’s an organic biological function which happens to a greater or lesser extent to many people. It usually means that you’re in a very heightened state of emotional arousal and the come-down on the other side of that is what naturally happens.”

A sufferer of Post – coital dysphoria, Jerilyn, opened up about her episodes. She said:

Even when I was single, the post-sex depression morphed into a different shade of empty. I always attributed it to the fear of being abandoned. I started to wonder if something was being taken from me every time I had sex, even though I enjoyed the act itself.”

It is quite worrying that this issue is a lot more common than people realise and sufferers are probably worrying that how they sometimes feel after sex is not normal.

More needs to be done to bring awareness to this and sufferers should not be afraid to open to their partners about how they are left feeling sometimes after sex. So, girls, if you have suffered from this in the past or have experienced it recently, tell your partner. She can’t give you a hug or try to understand if you don’t let her know how you are feeling.

What The Women Who Discovered G-Spots Wants You To Know About Sex

Dr Beverly Whipple a researcher who helped to identify the G-spot and female ejaculation gave an interview to The Independent and summed up what her decades of research has taught her. Dr Whipple said she has dedicated her whole life to focusing on validating the pleasurable, sensual, and sexual experiences that women report and there are some things that still surprise women when they experience a new sensation or experience for the first time. When asked what an orgasm actually is, she said,

The definition of orgasm is what a woman says is an orgasm. Below are the main points that Dr Whipple thinks are important for a woman to know about sex and orgasms.”

Orgasms can block pain

During her work with a top psychologist, Dr Barry Komisaruk, the pair discovered that orgasms double a woman’s pain threshold and during labour the baby passes the g-spot which means without this childbirth would be even more painful. Whipple said:

When we measure orgasms we see a significant increase in heart rate, blood pressure, diameter of the pupil, and in pain thresholds. Those are the major physiological measurements that we have made.”

Women can achieve orgasm through their imagination

While working at the faculty at Rutgers College in New York she investigated some reports from women that women could reach orgasm without being touched and using only their imaginations. Researchers tested this by measuring the size of women’s pupils, blood pressure and heart rate during orgasm from their imagination and from being stimulated manually in the G-spot. MRA scans later proved that the same areas of the brain are activated. It was therefore backed up that orgasms could be achieved through using the imagination only.

Any erogenous zone can achieve an orgasm in a woman

While working with sex therapist Gina Ogden, they pieced together 15 different types of touch across 35 different body areas that could lead to orgasm. Whittle said that many women never discover these as clitoral or vaginal stimulation is the quickest way to achieve orgasm. She said:

The whole point is to help women to realise that what they find pleasurable, sensually and sexually is what they should enjoy and not feel that they have to fit into one model of only one way to respond. We must give women the permission to enjoy what they enjoy. It is all very individual and it’s all normal.”

Blended orgasms are real

Whittle also discovered during her work with Gina that it was possible for a woman to achieve orgasms together from stimulation of more than one body part. She called these blended orgasms. Dr Whittle claims

Women can have stimulation of more than one area of the body at the same time, and experience orgasm where you are stimulating more than one nerve pathway. That might involve clitoral and vaginal stimulation.”

Sex is more than just reaching an orgasm

Dr Whittle stresses that rushing to the final ‘goal’ of an orgasm takes away a lot of other pleasures you could be enjoying. She believes that sex should be more about the experience and the different sensations rather than worrying about whether or not you achieved orgasm. Her advice on this is:

 It starts with a touch, a kiss, and the penetration of the vagina is the top step. If people who are goal orientated don’t reach that top step don’t feel very good about the whole process. When you use the words ‘reach’ or ‘achieve’ you’re setting up orgasm as a goal, if you use ‘experience’ it happens but it doesn’t have to be the goal.”

This all sounds like great advice and some of the things mentioned is quite surprising. Here’s to many more enjoyable, self-discovering sexual experiences for all of us.

Five Very Real Problems When You Have More Than One Sexual Partner

Some girls are one woman only types, whereas the mere thought of only being with one sexual partner can send other girls into a state of panic. For those of you that have more than one partner at any given time these set ups are known as polyamory.

It means a relationship that involves more than one partner, each person involved knows of the other and there are normally clear boundaries involving a lot of open and honest communication.

Research has in fact shown that these types of relationships can be healthier than monogamous relationships as those involved tend to tackle issues directly in order to keep the relationship going. But polyamory does not come without its own set of problems.

Time Is of The Essence

We all know that daily life takes up most of our time. Working, housekeeping and family keep the majority of us occupied most days. So, imagine splitting yourself between two or more others as well? If you want to spend quality time with someone and keep the relationship alive that time has to be applied to all parties involved. When is there time to sleep?

It’s Not Cheap

Going out on multiple dates, double the birthday and Christmas presents and double the amount spent in general. Money is tight for most folk and those who have more than one partner have double the money to spend.

Polyamory Means Different Things To Different People

One of the main issues in polyamorous relationships occurs when a person has a set idea on what it means but potential partners have another idea on what it means to them. For example, if one partner thinks it’s ok to have lots of sexual partners, but the other partner thinks only having meaningful relationships with others is acceptable this can quickly ruin the set up. The only way for open relationships to work is to make sure there are clear boundaries that all parties agree to.

Acceptance From Others

Not everyone is willing to accept relationships such as these so finding partners can be difficult along with other people not understanding and having a negative opinion of it. If for example you all decide to live together the law does not accept polygamy and problems can arise from family issues in court to landlords booting you out if they are not happy about the set-up.

Sexual Health

The more sexual partners you have the more at risk you put yourself from STI’s. This means that care has to be taken between all parties involved and some people may even insist on yearly sexual screening tests to make sure they stay safe. This in itself can cause issues if one of your sexual partners does happen to contract an STI which you then catch and pass on to one of your other sexual partners. Using as much protection as possible is the only way to stay safe.

A Simple Exercise That Can Help You Have Amazing Sex

It’s strange that sex is one of the most natural things the majority of us do and yet so many of us get embarrassed talking about it and according to a recent study carried out by Relate 51% are not happy with their sex lives.

It looks like we could all benefit from something a sex expert called Dr Steven De Wit has suggested that he calls the ‘sex menu.’

A sex menu is a list of things you love, hate or would be up for trying during sex. Dr Wit has composed a really detailed list that he says only takes twenty minutes to fill in.

He suggests that you are completely honest with yourself and rate each thing accordingly. There are suggested turn-ons such as bondage, caning and biting which you can rate as love, hate or willing to try.

On his website he gives advice on how to then share this list with your partner or with any new partner you meet. This list focuses more on pleasure giving and experimentation rather than just aiming to achieve an orgasm and he claims that there will be things on the list that you had not thought of previously trying but like the sound of, or there will be other things on the list that you will find gross.

He says that being honest with yourself is the best way to get the most from the list and a way to ensure that you can keep your sex life varied and fun with your partner.

You can visit his website and fill in the sex menu here: www.drdewit.com